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Old 07-26-2013, 07:03 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by Dromond View Post
I never even thought about it as being a "coming out" thing. My second girlfriend was a big gal, and I liked it so much I never dated another thin woman. It was no big thang, I just did it.

It helped that I didn't get any blowback from family. My mom was a BBW, and my dad a FA. I guess you could say liking big gals runs in the family.
Pretty much the same experience I had, with a smattering of kronoman's comment. My friends knew the type of girl I liked. .No real problem for me. However, I do understand the intense "peer pressure" placed on people these days. .You have to convince yourself of your preferences first, then you'll have additional strength when being open with others about them.

My late wife had the best outlook on things, and she told me really early in our relationship, "Yeah I'm a fat girl, but I'm still a girl, with the same desires and needs of any other girl. . There's just a lot more of me". Then she'd laugh.. She knew I got it. .
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Old 07-28-2013, 09:06 PM   #27
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what is this "coming out" which you speak of?
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Old 07-28-2013, 10:21 PM   #28
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what is this "coming out" which you speak of?
I honestly do not know. I think people with a lack of strength within their own convictions feel this need to "come out." They build it up into this uber big thing that necessitates some grandiose outting instead of, you know, just dating a fat girl.

Just date whoever the hell you want and if people don't like it fuck 'em... who lives their lives vicariously to please peoples or meet expectations?
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Old 07-29-2013, 07:45 PM   #29
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I honestly do not know. I think people with a lack of strength within their own convictions feel this need to "come out." They build it up into this uber big thing that necessitates some grandiose outting instead of, you know, just dating a fat girl.

Just date whoever the hell you want and if people don't like it fuck 'em... who lives their lives vicariously to please peoples or meet expectations?
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Originally Posted by Saoirse View Post
If you make "coming out" a big deal, then it will be. This whole thing irks the shit out of me. Are we fucking still in high school? Lets call an assembly so one person can fill us in on their sexual preferences. Date who you want and people will take the hint. No need for a sit-down and big reveal.
I'm pretty much on the level with these two comments. If you're in love with someone, male or female, whom happens to be heavy, then that's who you're in love with. If your friend give you a hard time about it, and I mean a REALLY hard time, then kick them to the curb. Usually there will always be some form of peer pressure, people change when they are in groups, and in one instance may never comment on a significant other's appearance, but as soon as the "guys" gather around, may start putting another down. You either kick that attitude to the curb and let them know that won't be tolerated ( I like this way best) , or just walk away.

As adults especially, there really is no need for all that drama. Things are only a big deal based on how you project yourself on certain situations. Let people take advantage of you, in any way shape or form, and you will definitely have a "situation" between friends and family. Keep stern in your beliefs/confident attitude, and there will be little anyone can dish out if at all on you. Basically having them run into a brick wall indefinitely.

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It's harder to come out as a female fat admirer. By default, our society makes pretty much everything harder for females than for males (and for queer folk, harder still).

The only mitigating factor is that this same misogyny also works in reverse, meaning that males get a much bigger pass on being able to live their lives as fat people without being accosted and harassed for it all the time, thus making it less objectionable that a female would bond with a fat male than if it were the other way around.
I agree with this as well. Whether or not someone made a big deal about "coming out", the amount of hate there is can sometimes make you sit back and look at the situation as a whole. Big guy ? No problem, there may be a few comments here and there but nothing I feel that would make/break friendships/families.

On the other end however, as a male, you will probably get more flak for dating a fat woman. Just that hate, hate in the media, hate of themselves, hate from other females etc., all festers up, and can really explode without notice. A simple conversation at work, or with a sibling, can turn nasty when they find out what it is you are attracted to. Simply because of what the media or others say what you should like.

I think its great that there are groups cropping up places, such as the RWHC page on facebook, in being able to combat that hate. I think it's run by a male, and periodically has pictures of men with their lovers, going to show that we ARE out there.
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Old 08-21-2013, 07:48 PM   #30
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..seriously, having a preference for big girls is not a fetish. I like cold pizza, that's not a fetish and i dont need to come out about it either.
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Old 01-30-2014, 11:08 PM   #31
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If you make "coming out" a big deal, then it will be. This whole thing irks the shit out of me. Are we fucking still in high school? Lets call an assembly so one person can fill us in on their sexual preferences. Date who you want and people will take the hint. No need for a sit-down and big reveal.
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Originally Posted by amidsttundra View Post
I honestly do not know. I think people with a lack of strength within their own convictions feel this need to "come out." They build it up into this uber big thing that necessitates some grandiose outting instead of, you know, just dating a fat girl.

Just date whoever the hell you want and if people don't like it fuck 'em... who lives their lives vicariously to please peoples or meet expectations?

I'm a little annoyed to see that people who've never been in in the closet, nor have any external need to be, can speak with such contempt for those who are or have been.

Some people consider killing themselves before they consider coming out of the closet.

The primary reason people are in the closet to begin with is to protect themselves from the ridicule and rejection that comes with being unusual.

I don't know about either of you but some people are raised amongst abusive and judgmental people. Some people have a realistic expectation that revealing their sexual preferences will only gain them further judgement and further abuse. Some people's friends and families will reject them for their sexual orientation.

It's insensitive of you to belittle a conflict you've never endured and to paint yourselves as champions of a struggle you've never overcome.
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Old 02-03-2014, 09:26 AM   #32
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I'm a little annoyed to see that people who've never been in in the closet, nor have any external need to be, can speak with such contempt for those who are or have been.

Some people consider killing themselves before they consider coming out of the closet.

The primary reason people are in the closet to begin with is to protect themselves from the ridicule and rejection that comes with being unusual.

I don't know about either of you but some people are raised amongst abusive and judgmental people. Some people have a realistic expectation that revealing their sexual preferences will only gain them further judgement and further abuse. Some people's friends and families will reject them for their sexual orientation.

It's insensitive of you to belittle a conflict you've never endured and to paint yourselves as champions of a struggle you've never overcome.

Being gay is NOT the same as the same as being attracted to fatties. NOT AT ALL.

People have been KILLED for being gay. I went to school with a young man who was MURDERED 5 years ago being he hit on a psycho. Whens the last time we heard about a dude being murdered for liking fat chicks?

Oh thats right, we havent.

So please, for fucks sake, get over this "closet" shit.
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Old 02-03-2014, 02:23 PM   #33
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I'll be honest, I don't really get how there even is a closet for this sort of thing. Why do you need to "come out" as a FA/FFA? Do people "come out" about having a preference for different races/hair colours? Just date the people you want to date. IMO there's only a closet if you've built it yourself. And I agree that being a F(F)A has no comparison to being gay.
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Old 02-03-2014, 05:05 PM   #34
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Being gay is NOT the same as the same as being attracted to fatties. NOT AT ALL.

People have been KILLED for being gay. I went to school with a young man who was MURDERED 5 years ago being he hit on a psycho. Whens the last time we heard about a dude being murdered for liking fat chicks?

Oh thats right, we havent.

So please, for fucks sake, get over this "closet" shit.

If I had ever once made the comparison between being gay and liking fat women your argument would be relevant but I didn't, so it's not. You've addressed nothing I said and then you make the strongest case I've ever heard for someone staying in the closet.

Gay or straight, if you've never been in, or felt compelled to stay in, the closet maybe you should shut the fuck up on the matter. You don't know what you're talking about.
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Old 02-03-2014, 05:18 PM   #35
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The "closet" terminology is borrowed from gay culture, so when you use it you need to be aware of what you're implying. Simply saying "coming out of the closet" is drawing an analogy with gays.
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Old 02-03-2014, 05:21 PM   #36
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All you people who scream THERE IS NO CLOSET! need to shut up and stop invalidating the experiences of both FAT WOMEN and FAs out there who are talking about it.

If you've never experienced the closet? You're lucky. If you've experienced it but didn't realize it? You're lucky there too (possibly).

The point being: shut up and listen. You're shitting all over experiences and decisions that have far-reaching, lifelong effects.

The closet is a real place. Not everyone even thinks to live their life so they know it's there, but many people do - many people can even now build very customized versions of it for themselves in 2014.

We fat women/people are told we are disgusting, asexual, unhealthy, bombs of early death. When you discount what it takes for some people to overcome to act on their preferences for this you are discounting MY EXPERIENCES AS A FAT WOMAN. And all the shitty miserable things that closeted behavior inflicts.

The closet is real. And the need to come out for some people is real too. Stop trashing other people's lives and their struggles, and support them. I don't mean you should support bad closeted behavior, but acknowledge the systemic problems that are in place that affect ALL OF US.

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Old 02-03-2014, 05:46 PM   #37
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The "closet" terminology is borrowed from gay culture, so when you use it you need to be aware of what you're implying. Simply saying "coming out of the closet" is drawing an analogy with gays.
yes this. thank you.
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Old 02-03-2014, 05:51 PM   #38
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We fat women/people are told we are disgusting, asexual, unhealthy, bombs of early death. When you discount what it takes for some people to overcome to act on their preferences for this you are discounting MY EXPERIENCES AS A FAT WOMAN. And all the shitty miserable things that closeted behavior inflicts.

The closet is real. And the need to come out for some people is real too. Stop trashing other people's lives and their struggles, and support them. I don't mean you should support bad closeted behavior, but acknowledge the systemic problems that are in place that affect ALL OF US.
Uhm hello, fat woman talking here. How did I discount experiences of fat chicks? Oh, I didnt. Maybe "shitty closeted behavior" would cease to exist if we stopped wasting so much time on this closet and the need to get out of it.
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Old 02-03-2014, 06:10 PM   #39
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Maybe "shitty closeted behavior" would cease to exist if we stopped wasting so much time on this closet and the need to get out of it.
You are making my point for me: the closet EXISTS.

And you and I agree: it SHOULDN'T.

We don't move forward by pretending it doesn't exist, though.

Onward and fucking upward.

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Old 02-03-2014, 06:15 PM   #40
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fake it till you make it... IT DOESNT EXIST! *poof* it doesnt exist.


its not hard.


but people are so fucking whiny about it.
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Old 02-03-2014, 06:35 PM   #41
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Ugh, I wish people would stop whining about their experiences. What happened to them didn't actually happen because I don't believe it happened and I don't understand why my attitude is so insulting to them and others.
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Old 02-03-2014, 07:34 PM   #42
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If you all aren't familiar with Ash Beckham, please check out this video of her talking about the closet: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kSR4xuU...%3DkSR4xuU07sc

She nails it as far as I'm concerned.
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Old 02-03-2014, 07:36 PM   #43
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The "closet" terminology is borrowed from gay culture, so when you use it you need to be aware of what you're implying. Simply saying "coming out of the closet" is drawing an analogy with gays.


You're right. I just assumed that in the context of a thread on a size-acceptance forum with the term "come out" in it's subject line, we were all in agreement about where it is that we are "coming out" from. Apparently it's not the closet.

I personally never came out of a closet. I came out of a hole in the ground and said "Hey, everybody!! I like fat women!!" and they were like "Why didn't you hide in the closet?" and I was like, "It was full of gay people and they told me to stop appropriating their culture!! So I dug a hole in the ground and hid there instead!!"
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Old 02-04-2014, 11:57 AM   #44
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If you all aren't familiar with Ash Beckham, please check out this video of her talking about the closet: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kSR4xuU...%3DkSR4xuU07sc

She nails it as far as I'm concerned.
Great video Donna

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You're right. I just assumed that in the context of a thread on a size-acceptance forum with the term "come out" in it's subject line, we were all in agreement about where it is that we are "coming out" from. Apparently it's not the closet.

I personally never came out of a closet. I came out of a hole in the ground and said "Hey, everybody!! I like fat women!!" and they were like "Why didn't you hide in the closet?" and I was like, "It was full of gay people and they told me to stop appropriating their culture!! So I dug a hole in the ground and hid there instead!!"
Sarcastic or not, this post is gold!
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Old 02-04-2014, 04:38 PM   #45
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Coddling the "closeted" men who fuck fatties, but cant be around them in public is furthering this closet mentality. It will NEVER go away if we dont stop acknowledging it.

and im done with this. *bows*
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Old 02-04-2014, 06:12 PM   #46
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fake it till you make it... IT DOESNT EXIST! *poof* it doesnt exist.
its not hard.
There's something to faking it til you make it, absolutely, as a tool for changing things for yourself; it's a recognized/demonstrable tenet of ideas like cognitive behavior therapy. Do better then you feel better. But as a way to handle systemic problems, not so much. To wit:

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Coddling the "closeted" men who fuck fatties, but cant be around them in public is furthering this closet mentality. It will NEVER go away if we dont stop acknowledging it.
This is quite illogical, but bless you for thinking you can make something go away by closing your eyes.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Anyhow, nobody here wants to coddle anybody that I know of. I don't. My experiences with closet cases have been really miserable and infuriating. I'm currently considering flash-mobbing a recent run-in (not totally joking). I feel your anger, Saoirse...I have a lot of it myself.

I wish there were a broader-based joint effort to make the closet an inhospitable place to live, although the forces that created it in the first place are so huge and constant, and fat people are taught to be fine with it - it's so tricky.

Personally I think changing the politics of closeted sexual behavior with regard to fat folk is often a combination of education/discussion/expression/connection/community then - yeah - ultimately a certain ruthlessness (in a way) can be necessary. Towards oneself I mean.

'Cause eventually you have to come out to come out (if you were in). There is going to be no magic golden time of fatty ascendence that makes it so accepted/attractive you won't be able to resist. But anything that helps FAs (of whatever type - pansizuals to serious fatty-lovers) get there - and get there in a solid way, i.e., not all tied in knots about health or whatever - has to be good, I figure. And good for everyone else too. The idea being to turn on the lights and let the rats of shame scuttle out, leaving people free to leave and looking silly in the glaring light if they don't. Everyone except the hard-core creepers in the back, that is, who'd be lurking there no matter what. Hah.

Getting down from the pulpit. I'd like to change all this with a wave of my wand --
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Old 02-04-2014, 07:06 PM   #47
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There are variations of closeted individuals.

There are those who "fuck fatties on the side" and refuse to be seen around with their fat partner out in public. These individuals pretty much deserve all the scorn that they get for the emotional rollercoaster and general douchebaggery that they inflict on their "partner", it's perfectly understandable to loathe these people.

Then there are simply the individuals that do not express their preference. They do not secretly date fat people they simply don't date them at all due to whatever pressures they may be feeling or think they might experience.

This group does not deserve pity nor does it really deserve be loathed. They aren't secretly dating people on the side and so are not subjecting fat people to the emotional rollercoaster and douchebaggery that is common of the other group.

I'm bothered by the former (for obvious reasons) but I'm pretty neutral to the latter. In the latter's case the only people they're really harming is their own potential for happiness due to their own cowardice. If they want to live a rather unfulfilled sexual life that's fine by me but I'll still tell them it's better on this side.
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Old 02-04-2014, 10:52 PM   #48
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You're right. I just assumed that in the context of a thread on a size-acceptance forum with the term "come out" in it's subject line, we were all in agreement about where it is that we are "coming out" from. Apparently it's not the closet.

I personally never came out of a closet. I came out of a hole in the ground and said "Hey, everybody!! I like fat women!!" and they were like "Why didn't you hide in the closet?" and I was like, "It was full of gay people and they told me to stop appropriating their culture!! So I dug a hole in the ground and hid there instead!!"
I have to admit, this is a pretty impressive bit of sarcasm.
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Old 02-05-2014, 08:37 AM   #49
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Coddling the "closeted" men who fuck fatties, but cant be around them in public is furthering this closet mentality. It will NEVER go away if we dont stop acknowledging it.

and im done with this. *bows*

The assumption that all people who like fat people only want to "F" them is just that... an assumption.

Sex is a variable I am sure but not everyone's lives consist of just wanting to get their rocks off. Some of these "coddled closeteers" may want a meaningful relationship but fear the pressures of society, family, etc. Does it mean it's OK to "put fattie in a corner"? No. Of course not. However, if you date or whatever with a person and they seem reluctant to be in public with you, introduce you to people in their lives, only want you for a one night stand (and that's not all that or what you want), well it's also up to the fat person to say "Hey! I won't be treated as such".

I think lumping all those with fears or hesitations into one pile is not only ignorant but wrong.

Have you ever felt pressured or insecure about anything, to where you just felt immobile or reluctant? I would think fat people of ALL people would understand this (at least to some degree).
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Old 02-05-2014, 08:41 AM   #50
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Have you ever felt pressured or insecure about anything, to where you just felt immobile or reluctant? I would think fat people of ALL people would understand this (at least to some degree).
Pressured or insecure? Sure, all the time. But to the point of feeling immobile or reluctant? Never.

Guess im just the odd one out.
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