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Old 07-03-2013, 11:54 PM   #1
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Default Where to begin as an FA

I'm in a different situation to most FAs I've seen on here since most of you at some point seem to have dated people whereas I haven't dated anybody yet, BBW or not and since I'm at 23 years old my prolonged lack of experience in this field of human courtship starts to make more sense if my Asperger's or ASD is taken into account. As a result I'm a bit nervous about how to approach the task of meeting a nice cuddly BBW who understands my situation and loves me enough to be patient with me and my neurological quirks. I also live in Australia so the dating pool might be way different to America where the population is bigger and thus meeting somebody's way easier.

I know my FA preference is hardly going away however none of my friends know I'm an FA and this won't become an issue I guess until I'm actually successful at bringing home a BBW girlfriend to my parents. From what I understand 23 is very young but Steve Jobs and Michael Jackson died at fiftyish so that puts things in perspective. I haven't had the chance to discover much about my FA preference or even my sexuality so all I really know at this point is I would very much like to lose my virginity to a very warm and cuddly BBW lady whose heart is as soft and squishy as her body and has room for me in it. Considering my Aspie status I don't want to come off as too weird or suddenly acquire any kinks I won't be able to satisfy with an outlet of some kind and I'm worried I'm in for a bit more loneliness ahead before I figure out the right person for me.

Any advice/help for a very inexperienced FA Aspie virgin who may not know how dates and romance actually works yet, but knows enough about safe sex cause I was sent to a special education center where they teach ASD/Asoies about safe sex and condoms and stuff?
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Old 07-04-2013, 07:36 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by EverybodysDracula View Post
I'm in a different situation to most FAs I've seen on here since most of you at some point seem to have dated people whereas I haven't dated anybody yet, BBW or not and since I'm at 23 years old my prolonged lack of experience in this field of human courtship starts to make more sense if my Asperger's or ASD is taken into account. As a result I'm a bit nervous about how to approach the task of meeting a nice cuddly BBW who understands my situation and loves me enough to be patient with me and my neurological quirks. I also live in Australia so the dating pool might be way different to America where the population is bigger and thus meeting somebody's way easier.

I know my FA preference is hardly going away however none of my friends know I'm an FA and this won't become an issue I guess until I'm actually successful at bringing home a BBW girlfriend to my parents. From what I understand 23 is very young but Steve Jobs and Michael Jackson died at fiftyish so that puts things in perspective. I haven't had the chance to discover much about my FA preference or even my sexuality so all I really know at this point is I would very much like to lose my virginity to a very warm and cuddly BBW lady whose heart is as soft and squishy as her body and has room for me in it. Considering my Aspie status I don't want to come off as too weird or suddenly acquire any kinks I won't be able to satisfy with an outlet of some kind and I'm worried I'm in for a bit more loneliness ahead before I figure out the right person for me.

Any advice/help for a very inexperienced FA Aspie virgin who may not know how dates and romance actually works yet, but knows enough about safe sex cause I was sent to a special education center where they teach ASD/Asoies about safe sex and condoms and stuff?
First off, hi! =D I should probably tell you a little bit about myself as you are new here and don't know much about us all! I am a 23 year old from the UK and I am not an aspie but I seem to attract aspies as friends so I am aware of the type of issues it can cause (of course, everybody is different!) and I have an anxiety disorder that can make communicating with people difficult and I'm always known as the strange one! I have never had a proper relationship until six months ago either so I think I can identify with a lot of what you are saying.

The fact that you haven't dated before really isn't as much as an issue as it can feel, trust me. I know what I am going to say will sound really cliche but if you find somebody who is worth being with then you don't have to worry too much about the dating process and just be yourself. I mean, I could go out on dates wearing full makeup and gorgeous clothes and laugh and flirt the whole time and probably attract lots of boys and gals but I wouldn't want that because I would want my partner to fall for me as the shy geeky tomboy that I am. So my advice is to just be yourself and honestly, try not to worry about it too much. Although I can empathise with wanting a partner you want somebody who loves you for yourself and until that awesome person comes along you don't have to settle for second best, which isn't fair on anybody. Also, trust me, living in Australia is no problem. Think about the thousands of people that live in the same city as you never mind the same country! And then there are long distance relationships too. The whole world is your oyster and there are plenty of great women out there that would go perfectly in a relationship with you I am sure.

Your friends/family shouldn't be an issue in regards to your FA preference. If they really care about you and are the type of people worth keeping around it wont be an issue for you at all. We are both still young at this age, I can understand your worries but when people focus on trying to find a partner too much they can end up in a situation where they can't see the wood for the trees. Try and enjoy your life and love yourself as a person and focus on a relationship as something that would be nice but isn't essential to your happiness or you being a great person. Not knowing much about your sexuality can be scary and is something I identify with a lot, being a virgin as well. But think of it this way, we have the whole world to learn in and these things are always changing so we will never stop discovering things about ourselves.

Hope that helps!
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Old 07-04-2013, 10:06 AM   #3
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For what it is worth, I'd never really dated anyone until I was 22, and 23 years later we are still together (I'd had a couple of tentative, almost, sort-of-kind of relationships that fell short of dating in high school, so I'd had a chance to at least get some of those nerves out of the way, but really I was pretty naive). So starting late and not knowing a lot isn't always a problem.

For that matter, I met her in the debating club at my university, and while I was interested in her, she was the one who had to make the move on me. So it is possible to end up in a relationship without ever having to make the first move (although it ups your odds if you will).

I'm going to give the same advice that I give around here all the time for people who feel like they are not prime dating material: don't go to the usual dating places, rather just make sure to meet people where there is a chance that people you could be interested will be part of that group.

You want to meet a BBW--a rock climbing club probably isn't high odds, but an anime fan group might have good odds. You want someone who doesn't mind, and maybe even can appreciate, you being neuro-atypical--the local country club may not be a good choice, but the organizing committee for a local comics/gaming/sci-fi type convention might be more likely.

I understand that meeting people, and being around large numbers of people, is probably crazy stressful for you, so you'd need to pick and choose where and how you meet people carefully. And you want settings where you enjoy what is going on and can contribute, because that will show you in your best light, and that makes it harder too. But....look around. Don't count on meeting anyone at a particular thing, but start doing a number of things (if you can handle it).

And don't try to be someone you aren't. If, for instance, sarcasm doesn't work well with you, let people know up front "Look, I don't really get sarcasm, its just how I'm wired. So if you could try to avoid it when communicating with me, that would help." Sure, some may then prefer to stay away from you, but that is good! Those are the people with whom things would never have worked out anyway. The ones who are don't mind dealing with you as you are, those are the people you want to get to know.

By the way, being in Australia shouldn't be such a huge factor (granted less BBW), probably a bigger factor is being in a larger city or smaller town, as larger cities support more specialized groups and gatherings that might work better for you. Also being at any sort of post-secondary education institution probably helps (even if you just take one class a term, to be a student and have access to the clubs...and if you pick the right classes, they could also be a place to meet people).

Now, to the best of my knowledge I'm not in the autism spectrum (but I'm a nerd and an engineer, and have a kid who is more or less in the the spectrum (his diagnosis is non-verbal learning disorder, but informally we were told we could have classified aspergers if we prefered), so I'm probably not that far off myself....), so it is entirely possible that my advice is garbage for you. You have to analyse it and decide if these are things that you could make happen in your life.

Good luck!
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Old 07-08-2013, 03:54 AM   #4
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For what it is worth, I'd never really dated anyone until I was 22, and 23 years later we are still together (I'd had a couple of tentative, almost, sort-of-kind of relationships that fell short of dating in high school, so I'd had a chance to at least get some of those nerves out of the way, but really I was pretty naive). So starting late and not knowing a lot isn't always a problem.

For that matter, I met her in the debating club at my university, and while I was interested in her, she was the one who had to make the move on me. So it is possible to end up in a relationship without ever having to make the first move (although it ups your odds if you will).

I'm going to give the same advice that I give around here all the time for people who feel like they are not prime dating material: don't go to the usual dating places, rather just make sure to meet people where there is a chance that people you could be interested will be part of that group.

You want to meet a BBW--a rock climbing club probably isn't high odds, but an anime fan group might have good odds. You want someone who doesn't mind, and maybe even can appreciate, you being neuro-atypical--the local country club may not be a good choice, but the organizing committee for a local comics/gaming/sci-fi type convention might be more likely.

I understand that meeting people, and being around large numbers of people, is probably crazy stressful for you, so you'd need to pick and choose where and how you meet people carefully. And you want settings where you enjoy what is going on and can contribute, because that will show you in your best light, and that makes it harder too. But....look around. Don't count on meeting anyone at a particular thing, but start doing a number of things (if you can handle it).

And don't try to be someone you aren't. If, for instance, sarcasm doesn't work well with you, let people know up front "Look, I don't really get sarcasm, its just how I'm wired. So if you could try to avoid it when communicating with me, that would help." Sure, some may then prefer to stay away from you, but that is good! Those are the people with whom things would never have worked out anyway. The ones who are don't mind dealing with you as you are, those are the people you want to get to know.

By the way, being in Australia shouldn't be such a huge factor (granted less BBW), probably a bigger factor is being in a larger city or smaller town, as larger cities support more specialized groups and gatherings that might work better for you. Also being at any sort of post-secondary education institution probably helps (even if you just take one class a term, to be a student and have access to the clubs...and if you pick the right classes, they could also be a place to meet people).

Now, to the best of my knowledge I'm not in the autism spectrum (but I'm a nerd and an engineer, and have a kid who is more or less in the the spectrum (his diagnosis is non-verbal learning disorder, but informally we were told we could have classified aspergers if we prefered), so I'm probably not that far off myself....), so it is entirely possible that my advice is garbage for you. You have to analyse it and decide if these are things that you could make happen in your life.

Good luck!
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First off, hi! =D I should probably tell you a little bit about myself as you are new here and don't know much about us all! I am a 23 year old from the UK and I am not an aspie but I seem to attract aspies as friends so I am aware of the type of issues it can cause (of course, everybody is different!) and I have an anxiety disorder that can make communicating with people difficult and I'm always known as the strange one! I have never had a proper relationship until six months ago either so I think I can identify with a lot of what you are saying.

The fact that you haven't dated before really isn't as much as an issue as it can feel, trust me. I know what I am going to say will sound really cliche but if you find somebody who is worth being with then you don't have to worry too much about the dating process and just be yourself. I mean, I could go out on dates wearing full makeup and gorgeous clothes and laugh and flirt the whole time and probably attract lots of boys and gals but I wouldn't want that because I would want my partner to fall for me as the shy geeky tomboy that I am. So my advice is to just be yourself and honestly, try not to worry about it too much. Although I can empathise with wanting a partner you want somebody who loves you for yourself and until that awesome person comes along you don't have to settle for second best, which isn't fair on anybody. Also, trust me, living in Australia is no problem. Think about the thousands of people that live in the same city as you never mind the same country! And then there are long distance relationships too. The whole world is your oyster and there are plenty of great women out there that would go perfectly in a relationship with you I am sure.

Your friends/family shouldn't be an issue in regards to your FA preference. If they really care about you and are the type of people worth keeping around it wont be an issue for you at all. We are both still young at this age, I can understand your worries but when people focus on trying to find a partner too much they can end up in a situation where they can't see the wood for the trees. Try and enjoy your life and love yourself as a person and focus on a relationship as something that would be nice but isn't essential to your happiness or you being a great person. Not knowing much about your sexuality can be scary and is something I identify with a lot, being a virgin as well. But think of it this way, we have the whole world to learn in and these things are always changing so we will never stop discovering things about ourselves.

Hope that helps!
Good post guys!
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Old 07-08-2013, 04:32 AM   #5
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Yes, posts like these have helped make Dimensions forum as great & useful as it is!
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Old 07-08-2013, 05:00 AM   #6
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Yes, posts like these have helped make Dimensions forum as great & useful as it is!
I agree would have added my thoughts but loopy and tad hit the nail on the head!
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Old 07-08-2013, 06:36 PM   #7
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I can't really offer advice from an FA perspective, and I almost can't remember being young, but I do know that it's fairly common for BBWs and Aspies to connect.

In fact, my downstairs neighbors are a young BBW/Aspie couple. And I've also been watching a young BBW friend carry on a flirtation with an Aspie in shared social situations for the last few weeks. From watching the interactions, I can tell you what I find attractive about both of these young men. They aren't loud. They consider what they say. When in conversation, they are really in the conversation. They come across as very genuine and sweet. Frankly, it's a charming, and a nice change from the actions of other young men I see in the same social settings.

ETA: I'm old These 'young men' are both 26.

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Old 07-08-2013, 06:46 PM   #8
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Well, I like to begin with a soft nibble on her ear then work my way down to her....Wait, I don't think that's what you had in mind.

Seriously, treat her like a person. She's more than boobs, ass, belly, thighs, and hips. She knows that's all there so she doesn't need you to remind her. Engage her in genuine conversation. Get to know her! Talk about each of yours likes/ dislikes, hobbies, interests. If you click, things will grow from there.

Simply put , don't over think it.
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Old 07-09-2013, 06:20 PM   #9
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Hi there! I will start by saying welcome! Also, sorry for crashing the FA forum, but I wanted to put my 2 cents in.

23 is not an odd age to start dating honestly. It may *seem* like it as that is your current position, but I promise that is the case for plenty of people. As an American turned Australian, I can attest from both sides that the pool is slightly smaller here but do not let that put you off.

I dated an aspie for a long period of time. If you care for someone and they tell you they have an aspect that affects their daily life, in my opinion you do what you can to learn about it and do what you can to become aware. I did not find this to be a negative. If anything, it was a bit of a relief to not have to worry about a lot of aspects of social conditioning. I knew when he told me something that he meant it. I found him to be incredibly caring and sincere. These are aspects that are fantastic to have in a person.

The right person will care about you for who you are. The right person will do what they can to better understand you and the things you go through.
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Old 08-26-2013, 10:36 PM   #10
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Any advice/help for a very inexperienced FA Aspie virgin who may not know how dates and romance actually works yet, but knows enough about safe sex cause I was sent to a special education center where they teach ASD/Asoies about safe sex and condoms and stuff?

Kind of an off the wall thought but MENSA is loaded with both aspies and bbw, at least in the States.
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Old 09-07-2013, 07:10 PM   #11
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I didn't act on my preference for big girls til around 22, it's not that old really. I'm also from Australia and thought where do I begin. Eventually I bit the bullet and made a profile on a few dating websites, some bbw, some paid. I realised there were plenty of bbws in all areas of aus. I put up my best photos and a friendly profile and just started searching and saying hello
I happily realised that even these mystical sexy things had unique and common interests, were real people and fun to chat to. From the start i mainly talked to the very biggest girls. Some had heard of FAs, bbws and knew of the bbw world, some didn't.. i made some good friends and eventually you will meet after long chats and exchanging pics. It's nerve wracking and exciting finally meeting, but you'll be glad you did. My friends or family were unaware, but it was a beginning at least
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Old 09-18-2013, 01:03 PM   #12
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I know what you mean, being a guy that has asperger's and has never had a girlfriend. Just gotta be patient, I keep telling myself.
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Old 09-23-2013, 07:25 AM   #13
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well, i myself am not an aspie but my little boy is. so i know first hand day in and day out what life is like you just have to take your time and be patient, it will happen when it happens. be true to yourself and dont try to change for anyone, you want people to love you for who you are. stay strong and dont lose faith. We were all created for a purpose and given the abilities to do certain things and we are all unique. there is someone for everyone out there and it will come when you least expect it
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Old 09-23-2013, 02:20 PM   #14
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there is someone for everyone out there and it will come when you least expect it
I will hold you accountable for those words. Some of us have been waiting for the right person to come along for decades. Many have died with no success in love (Isaac Newton springs to mind).

It's nice to be optimistic, but let the examples of those who do not succeed spur the rest of us onward to try harder. And if one does not succeed--? I am not advocating blind optimism, but do not take refuge in hopelessness.
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Old 09-26-2013, 09:34 AM   #15
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If past experience had yet to yield results, it would be silly of me to tell you to be yourself, so I recommend developing an alter-ego..perhaps a pirate or a vampire theme? If that fails put a big "X" on the ground with cake in the center and place a cage hanging from a tree limb, suspended by a rope to be cut when you hear a noise just off camera. I do not recommend you do any of theses actions on or near a cliff or rock face however and above all else do not use any products from the Acme company, they have very poor product reviews.
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Old 09-26-2013, 11:26 AM   #16
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Meeting a BBW and cultivating a relationship with her is exactly the same process as meeting any girl and cultivating a relationship with her: be yourself and treat her like a person rather than like a strange, fragile creature. Take some time to get to know her. Just because she's attractive to you doesn't mean she's the girl you want to be with forever. DON'T fall into the "nice guy" mentality. If you like her, express your interest. Be honest but not aggressive, and if she shoots you down then she shoots you down. Don't continue pursuing her romantically if she makes it clear the feeling isn't mutual.

Above all, though, be yourself. For a relationship to work, she needs to like YOU and NOT the guy you pretend to be to impress her.

Also, as far as meeting a BBW goes, there aren't really any special places to go to meet one. Some communities have so-called "fat dances" that you can attend. You might meet someone over Dims, too. I've made friends on here and I may have met some ladies, too. But really you can meet a BBW just about anywhere. This is America. We have tons of fat people here.
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Old 11-02-2013, 09:51 PM   #17
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I recommend you start at bars or dating websites depending on where you live.

Size acceptance clubs are good but remember this; where ever you go, online or in person, have fun. Life is a great big crazy adventure not a video game with out save points.

Take it easy, have a three drink maximum, and learn to enjoy the company of others.

If you can hit your stride with the above all that love and romance will fall in naturally.

Good luck, young man. PS. Don't spill.
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Oscar Wilde
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