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Old 08-02-2013, 08:25 PM   #1
TheThighsHaveIt
 
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Default Don't ask, don't tell

Hi all
new here, just finding this forum and reading many interesting and familiar thoughts.
I decided to investigate this lifestyle a little further now that I have a "feedee" wife and things are moving along.
I have been married 20 years and my wife has long struggled with her weight, something she hated to discuss or admit or anything. One of the primary things I was attracted too was her figure, even as a teenager she was full figured - by that I mean large breasts and full hips, but certainly not fat - at 5'7" , maybe she was 120 lbs when we were married. Soon after, she began to fill out even fuller, but really, not even to bbw class.

In her first pregnancy, she gained 80 lbs and was about 200 after the baby. I was enthused and turned on immensely, especially with her now full E cup breasts. She was devastated and started the cycle of frutration with dieting. She would pare down to about 145-150, and still was unhappy. She bounced back up around 200 with each pregnancy.

When my youngest was about 6 ( he is 10 now ) she went all out with diet and exercise and got down to 135 and was happy as hell. I wasn't - she was just not "full" anymore. She also struggled to keep the weight and would fluctuate 20-40 lbs over the course of a year - up and down. She didnt want to ever discuss it and if I brought up how I liked her heavy, she would be very put off and angry.
That brings us to the last 8-12 months. She was involved in night school and the schedule didn;t lend itself to exercise and a regular diet. She started gaining. Like the title, dont ask, dont tell - I didnt and she didnt - we both pretended it wasnt happening.

She slowly crept up over about a year from 145 ish to about 175. I loved her look and feel and was trying to find a way to tell here to keep the weight on. Instead, a better plan just fell in my lap. I realized she was just mindlessly eating whatever was in front of her, so I made that the plan. No conversation, just ...dont ask, dont tell. I started bringing out a snack while she watched tv - here honey, have some crackers and cheese spread...she would polish off the whole box of wheat thins in a sitting. At meal time, I would help plate the food and heaped her very large portions, which she always finished. After Dinner, maybe I would scoop the kids some ice cream and the, make her a bowl with four or five scoops - she will eat it all.

I now make sure to keep the candy dish full of chocolate kisses or dove chocolates - she has been eating almost a bag a day -I have been making smoothies for breakfast, which she sees as healthy, and they are, to an extent, but I load hers with dairy and berries, probably 1000 calories a shot.

In any event, there is no more drama about weight - for whatever reason, she is just rolling with it ( no pun intended ) she just bought clothes again and a bigger size, with no drama. She is about 230 now. I have no "goal" in mind, but I do want to keep fattening her up. I would love to see her at 300 and I think that is reasonable. I think then we will know if this is the real deal and if so, I would love to see her at 400.

Thanks for letting me share and hope to have some discussion here in the future...if everyone can stand my bad typing!
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Old 08-03-2013, 03:37 AM   #2
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Um, in what way is your wife a feedee? It sounds more to me like you are taking advantage of her love for food to fatten her up against her expressed wishes...
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Old 08-03-2013, 04:54 AM   #3
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Um, in what way is your wife a feedee? It sounds more to me like you are taking advantage of her love for food to fatten her up against her expressed wishes...
Ummmm, because maybe she has become accepting of her weight.... Ummm, because she isn't being force fed against her will, she is readily accepting being fed and seeming to enjoy it.... Ummm, because that was the gist of the comment, that she hasn't verbally spoken her wishes but quite seems to be expressing them none the less.
Ummm... Judgmental much here on the board? I guess I I stuck some retarded cars ears on her head and took a picture I might be raking advantage ...
This obviously isn't the place for me to be and try to be encouraged to bring her and us "out"
Good luck to you all
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Old 08-03-2013, 05:47 AM   #4
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Ummmm, because maybe she has become accepting of her weight.... Ummm, because she isn't being force fed against her will, she is readily accepting being fed and seeming to enjoy it.... Ummm, because that was the gist of the comment, that she hasn't verbally spoken her wishes but quite seems to be expressing them none the less.
Ummm... Judgmental much here on the board? I guess I I stuck some retarded cars ears on her head and took a picture I might be raking advantage ...
This obviously isn't the place for me to be and try to be encouraged to bring her and us "out"
Good luck to you all
If she hasn't expressed it verbally, you can't be sure.

If she dieted to lose weight, odds are that no, she's not okay with it. You say that she was "happy as hell" when she lost to around 135- that doesn't sound like a feedee or someone who wants to gain weight.

Ultimately you're impressing your own desires onto her and ignoring what she actually wants. More than that, you're using underhanded and manipulative methods to sabotage her.

Loopy's quite right- you're taking advantage of her habits to turn her into something you want, with a blatant disregard of who she wants to be.

I'd wish you good luck, but really I hope that your wife realizes what's going on and kicks your ass to the curb.
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Old 08-03-2013, 09:55 AM   #5
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Default Your theory is interesting

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Originally Posted by loopytheone View Post
Um, in what way is your wife a feedee? It sounds more to me like you are taking advantage of her love for food to fatten her up against her expressed wishes...
Your theory seems to assume that the wife really, really, wants to be thinner but that she is so mentally challenged that she is unable to realize that three scoops of ice cream is more than one scoop of ice cream, that she is unable to realize that her serving is larger than the other servings, that she is unable to grasp that the reason the new clothing is not as tight because she is unable to realize that the new clothing is a larger size than the old clothing. Your theory also assumes that the wife is unable to say, "I do not want this much, please put some of it back,".

Your theory seems to assume that the wife is so mentally challenged that she is unable to say, "Do not feed me any snacks tonight." Since his wife is going to school I suspect she is not as mentally challenged is your theory suggests.

One test would be for him to stop providing her food, to make her portion smaller than everybody else's, and to constantly say things like, "A moment on the lips and forever on the hips". In grocery stores, if she puts a high calorie item in the grocery cart he can take it out and put it back on the shelf and remind his wife that she needs to eat only low-calorie foods and very little of that.

Such actions will be in accordance with her expressed desires but very contrary to her actual actions.

I once was at a summer time outdoor graduation celebration. There was a "average" size woman there who had larger than average breasts. She was complaining that the men were constantly looking at her chest instead of her face and that she wished they would stop constantly looking at her breasts. She was wearing a see-through blouse with a push-up bra. I was told that she had recently had a breast enlargement operation. Though I did not do it I could've gone around telling all the men in the room not to embarrass the woman by looking at her enhanced breasts in the see-through blouse. I seriously doubt that the woman would have appreciated my efforts to help her achieve her stated goals.
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Old 08-03-2013, 10:08 AM   #6
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Default Sometimes people's actions speak louder than words

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Originally Posted by Blackjack View Post
If she hasn't expressed it verbally, you can't be sure.

If she dieted to lose weight, odds are that no, she's not okay with it. You say that she was "happy as hell" when she lost to around 135- that doesn't sound like a feedee or someone who wants to gain weight.

Ultimately you're impressing your own desires onto her and ignoring what she actually wants. More than that, you're using underhanded and manipulative methods to sabotage her.

Loopy's quite right- you're taking advantage of her habits to turn her into something you want, with a blatant disregard of who she wants to be.

I'd wish you good luck, but really I hope that your wife realizes what's going on and kicks your ass to the curb.
you seem to be assuming that the wife is unable to realize that three scoops of ice cream is more than one scoop of ice cream. You seem to be assuming that the wife is unable to realize that her portions are larger than anybody else's. You seem to be assuming the wife does not understand that if if she has a history of gaining weight and eat snacks every evening she is likely to gain more weight.

What evidence has the author of the original post presented suggesting that his wife is that mentally challenged?

There are alternative theories. My favorite one follows. In the process of diet after diet after diet she has reset her setpoint higher and higher and in the process made her body more and more fuel-efficient. She finally has reached the point where the enjoyment of eating food and feeling comfortable is preferable to the enjoyment of being very thin with her body constantly putting her under pressure to eat more food.

Remember, in spite of her expressed wishes to be thinner, time after time she has lost weight and then regained it. Since each time she has lost weight she has made her body more fuel-efficient, losing weight has become harder and harder. It is certainly possible that she has decided that it is simply not worth the pain and effort to go into another round of weight loss and weight gain.

As part of this theory she is not willing to publicly admit that she has accepted her larger size but, the joy of being able to eat rather than spend all of her waking hours hungry and thinking about food is greater than the joy of being thin and in pain. There is the added perk that in the process of enjoying her food and accepting the fact that it makes her bigger she is making her husband very happy. She may have reached the point where these two perks are greater than the joy she would get by being very thin, getting lots of compliments from people, and being desperately hungry all the time.

What people say and what their actions show are occasionally very different.

A question I have is, "When was the last time the wife talked about how happy she would be if she was able to diet herself down 240 pounds?"
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Old 08-03-2013, 10:16 AM   #7
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If she hasn't expressed it verbally, you can't be sure.



I'd wish you good luck, but really I hope that your wife realizes what's going on and kicks your ass to the curb.


What kind of man would you suggest that she replace him with? Perhaps one who finds her body ugly and constantly tells her how sexy very thin women are? To tell her that she is pretty at any size would undermine her expressed desires. Perhaps a man who constantly tells her that she needs to do more exercise. Perhaps a man who monitors every bite she eats, after all that would help her reach her expressed preferred goal. Perhaps a man that tells her that this month she must lose at least 10 pounds otherwise he will not have sex with her. That sounds like the kind of man that will help her reach her expressed goals. Perhaps a man who, when she starts to regain lost weight, constantly tells her that she is a failure as a human being and is becoming more disgusting every day.

I suspect there are many women here who would really like to be somewhat thinner but at the same time would not be interested in getting into a relationship with the kind of man or woman described above.

Last edited by Russell Williams; 08-03-2013 at 10:16 AM. Reason: make it more sexually neutral
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Old 08-03-2013, 11:35 AM   #8
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Your theory seems to assume that the wife really, really, wants to be thinner but that she is so mentally challenged that she is unable to realize that three scoops of ice cream is more than one scoop of ice cream, that she is unable to realize that her serving is larger than the other servings, that she is unable to grasp that the reason the new clothing is not as tight because she is unable to realize that the new clothing is a larger size than the old clothing. Your theory also assumes that the wife is unable to say, "I do not want this much, please put some of it back,".

Your theory seems to assume that the wife is so mentally challenged that she is unable to say, "Do not feed me any snacks tonight." Since his wife is going to school I suspect she is not as mentally challenged is your theory suggests.

One test would be for him to stop providing her food, to make her portion smaller than everybody else's, and to constantly say things like, "A moment on the lips and forever on the hips". In grocery stores, if she puts a high calorie item in the grocery cart he can take it out and put it back on the shelf and remind his wife that she needs to eat only low-calorie foods and very little of that.

Such actions will be in accordance with her expressed desires but very contrary to her actual actions.

I once was at a summer time outdoor graduation celebration. There was a "average" size woman there who had larger than average breasts. She was complaining that the men were constantly looking at her chest instead of her face and that she wished they would stop constantly looking at her breasts. She was wearing a see-through blouse with a push-up bra. I was told that she had recently had a breast enlargement operation. Though I did not do it I could've gone around telling all the men in the room not to embarrass the woman by looking at her enhanced breasts in the see-through blouse. I seriously doubt that the woman would have appreciated my efforts to help her achieve her stated goals.
I am absolutely amazed you managed to get all that from one sentence of mine.

Do you think that everybody who is big wants to be that size? Do you think everybody who is thin wants to be that size? You don't have to be mentally challenged or stupid or ignorant to be tempted by things. Judging from your words you have never tried to diet and been surrounded by an array of things that are bad for you that you want to eat. You obviously have never known the temptation to eat something bad for you 'just this once' or to think that because somebody has already gotten you something then you might as well eat it. As much as I love size acceptance, most big people are not that way through choice and are not happy about their size. Yes, plenty are but the majority are not (which is due to a range of factors and it shouldn't be this way at all but that is another topic altogether). Do you therefore think that the majority of big people are mentally handicapped because they were unable to say 'put some of this back' or 'I don't want any snacks tonight'? For the record, as a person who is bigger and spent most of my life hating my size and trying to diet and constantly being tempted out of it by my mother, I can assure that I don't think people who are tempted by food are mentally handicapped. As a young lady with letters after her name and a range of qualifications, I can assure you that I don't think I am mentally handicapped.

Given that you have only responded to people on this forum to complain and tell them that their opinions are wrong based on absolutely nothing at all perhaps you ought to take a step back, go away for a little while and come back and re read the posts again before replying. Because maybe then you wouldn't make absolutely absurd claims based on practically nothing at all. Also, this forum has a multiquote function, there is no need to quote everybody separately and repeat yourself in multi posts.
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Old 08-03-2013, 03:45 PM   #9
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Thank you, Russell, for rushing to the defense of someone actively sabotaging their wife's body because you think that she doesn't know what makes her happy.
(And we're the ones who are supposed to be treating her as mentally challenged?)
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Old 08-03-2013, 04:35 PM   #10
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Feedee women, going by what I have seen of them on this board, enjoy being fed and getting bigger.

That doesn't seem to be the case with your wife. "Struggling with her weight" and what you have told us about her makes her sound similar to a woman like me. Emotional eater, always on a dieting or not dieting roller coaster.

You seem to already realize this about her but desperately want it to be something else.

Ever ask yourself, or her, why she is in "eating mode"? Is there something going on in your lives beside the night classes?

Shouldn't that question be more important to you than her size? These ups and downs in her weight can cause her long term future health issues- if they haven't already.


Would you think it was okay for a man to take advantage of an alcoholic or drug addicted person/wife? This is no different if that is what you are doing with her eating issues.
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Old 08-03-2013, 08:08 PM   #11
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Hey man I feel ya. I know exactly what you mean.

My wife gives the best blowjobs when she is strung out on smack. Something about those opiates make her freaky as hell. I know she's been to rehab and has gotten clean several times, but I really like the things she does when she is high. So I just make sure and put a bindle on her nightstand every evening and just keep quiet. Pretty soon the freak is on like Donkey Kong!

Hey, it's her choice whether or not to use right?

Yechhh!
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Old 08-03-2013, 09:42 PM   #12
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What concerns me here is the swing from history to the future. When it comes to real gains we need to be realistic.

Its one thing for a chronic dieter to finally smell the roses, throw in the towel and accept a figure over 200 as being acceptable and beautiful to their spouse, - quite another to assume this apparent acceptance means that going to 400 will be in her comfort zone, or even wise at her age.

None of us knows what is really going on here - or even if it actually is. But, based on personal experiance, sneaky is never a good polcy. At some point I feel a wise FA husband should express his appreciation for her change, then find out what her real feelings are.
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Old 08-04-2013, 12:32 AM   #13
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Feedee women, going by what I have seen of them on this board, enjoy being fed and getting bigger.

That doesn't seem to be the case with your wife. "Struggling with her weight" and what you have told us about her makes her sound similar to a woman like me. Emotional eater, always on a dieting or not dieting roller coaster.

You seem to already realize this about her but desperately want it to be something else.

Ever ask yourself, or her, why she is in "eating mode"? Is there something going on in your lives beside the night classes?

Shouldn't that question be more important to you than her size? These ups and downs in her weight can cause her long term future health issues- if they haven't already.


Would you think it was okay for a man to take advantage of an alcoholic or drug addicted person/wife? This is no different if that is what you are doing with her eating issues.
I agree 100%. If I found out someone I loved was taking advantage of me like that he would be in HUGE trouble! I think its wrong what you are doing I am a emotional eater as well and I am pretty sure your wife is too. She is probably stressed out and deals with it by eating, like me and alot of other women. You need to fess up to her what you are doing or just stop before you really hurt her. I am sure she would be very hurt and is going to feel betrayed by you using this to your own advantage.

Just my 2 cents...
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Old 08-04-2013, 06:08 AM   #14
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Hey man I feel ya. I know exactly what you mean.

My wife gives the best blowjobs when she is strung out on smack. Something about those opiates make her freaky as hell. I know she's been to rehab and has gotten clean several times, but I really like the things she does when she is high. So I just make sure and put a bindle on her nightstand every evening and just keep quiet. Pretty soon the freak is on like Donkey Kong!

Hey, it's her choice whether or not to use right?

Yechhh!
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I feel so sorry for the woman who is being fed like a hog for slaughter. I hope she wakes up before she becomes so heavy that her quality of life is irrevocably impaired.
I also hope that this man's story is just a fantasy.
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Old 08-04-2013, 07:26 AM   #15
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I also hope that this man's story is just a fantasy.

that's MY FIRST take on this ORIGINAL post.....100% PHANTASY POST


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