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Old 11-17-2013, 10:48 PM   #1
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Default subtle ways you've let guys know you're into BHM's

or not-so-subtle hints. whatever works. other than just coming straight out and saying 'i like fat guys'.

this weekend my sister, a guy i've been out with a few times, and i were at the mall (i know, what were we thinking going within 5 miles of a shopping place during the 'holiday season'? )

alas, abercrombie was doing its usual 'oh hai we've got generic shirtless guys' advertising.

my sister: hey do you need a half-naked guy for Christmas?
me: um, NO. ...well maybe, but not one of them. they're not my type at all!
the guy i've been out with a few times: so what IS your type then?
me: you.

he walked right into that one! and he blushed furiously. it was so cute.

anyone else?

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Old 11-18-2013, 03:18 AM   #2
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Hahaha, awww, that is so cute! I can just imagine him blushing!

I know that when I first got with my fiance he kinda assumed that I wouldn't like him because of his weight. The first time we ever went on webcam together he actually said beforehand that he had to warn me that... *drum roll please* ...he has moobs!! Dun dun dun! I should point out he is about 450lbs so I had kinda figured that out already! It was super cute though, I couldn't stop laughing!
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Old 11-18-2013, 06:22 AM   #3
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I tend to say it gently... "I like big guys", or "I like the lumberjack type". If the guy doesn't get it at first, my body language eventually gives it away, I'm sure.
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Old 11-18-2013, 06:55 AM   #4
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I tend to say it gently... "I like big guys", or "I like the lumberjack type". If the guy doesn't get it at first, my body language eventually gives it away, I'm sure.
Oh my god, you've told me this. Are we in love?
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Old 11-18-2013, 01:36 PM   #5
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I think typically you're going up against so much incredulity that subtlety just isn't going to do the trick. A lot of people naturally over-analyze conversation...and when you're working with little self-confidence + feelings for someone + a preference that goes against the norm, I think it can be easy to totally miss/misinterpret hints that may seem obvious to the hinter.

I remember at the beginning of one of my relationships, we were just getting into kissing for the very first time. I was getting a bit (Read: shamelessly) handsy and he paused and said something along the lines of, "Could you stop touching me? You won't like it..."

...as if I wasn't sure what I was doing and didn't realize already that he was fat? I'd already professed my fondness for the one BHM professor in our department and subtly admitted that I liked bigger guys. I'd even buy him lunch sometimes and give him the cheese off my pizza. After more directly expressing it...it still took a bit to fully sink in.

So...hinting/subtlety is definitely fun and can set a bit of a foundation for someone to acknowledge your preference. And maybe it'll be enough for some people. But eventually you might just have to go for the totally blunt route of laying out your attraction, or maybe "For the love of god, take your shirt off so I can stop dying inside ."
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Old 11-18-2013, 03:18 PM   #6
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...as if I wasn't sure what I was doing and didn't realize already that he was fat? I'd already professed my fondness for the one BHM professor in our department and subtly admitted that I liked bigger guys. I'd even buy him lunch sometimes and give him the cheese off my pizza. After more directly expressing it...it still took a bit to fully sink in.
Just speaking from my own experience, when I was in high school I was friends with a girl who acted similarly. Early on she'd worked into conversation that she didn't mind "big teddy bear guys". It stuck in my mind, especially since it felt like she was one of the few girls who gave me the time of day.

One morning I had run late and had to skip breakfast to catch the bus. I met up with her before first period and mentioned I was hungry, so she offered me half of her muffin from the school cafeteria and I gratefully accepted.

The next day, she had bought one especially for me. Then it became chatting before class over muffins and milk.

Then one day...she said she wasn't all that hungry, so after I had my muffin, she wanted me to finish hers. Then she never bothered to start hers...

Looking back, it may have been signal flare, and at the time I had my suspicions, but I was so insecure I didn't want to say anything and take the risk, especially if it meant ruining our friendship or things getting weird.

We stayed friends but she ended up transferring to another school and we lost touch, so I'll never know for sure.

So yeah, sometimes 'blunt' is needed.
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Old 11-18-2013, 07:44 PM   #7
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or maybe "For the love of god, take your shirt off so I can stop dying inside ."
ahahaha well that is what i'm thinking!

but i'm really hesitant about making the first move, because of a bad experience with another guy where i asked if i could kiss him, he said yes, we made out for awhile and all of a sudden he pulled away and gave me a disgusted look and basically said he hadn't wanted to but felt like he couldn't say no because i asked.

quite honestly that made me feel horrible. i would never ever want anyone to feel pressured into doing anything they weren't comfortable with...since then, i've not tried to initiate anything with guys.

so yeah. i would love to cuddle and make out with this new guy, but i'm afraid to try even going for a hug. in the back of my mind now it's always 'what if he doesn't want to?' and, he's self-admittedly shy too. le sigh.
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Old 11-18-2013, 07:50 PM   #8
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One morning I had run late and had to skip breakfast to catch the bus. I met up with her before first period and mentioned I was hungry, so she offered me half of her muffin from the school cafeteria and I gratefully accepted.

The next day, she had bought one especially for me. Then it became chatting before class over muffins and milk.

Then one day...she said she wasn't all that hungry, so after I had my muffin, she wanted me to finish hers. Then she never bothered to start hers...

Looking back, it may have been signal flare, and at the time I had my suspicions, but I was so insecure I didn't want to say anything and take the risk, especially if it meant ruining our friendship or things getting weird.

We stayed friends but she ended up transferring to another school and we lost touch, so I'll never know for sure.
awww that is adorable! & she liked you. guaranteed.
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Old 11-18-2013, 09:37 PM   #9
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ahahaha well that is what i'm thinking!

but i'm really hesitant about making the first move, because of a bad experience with another guy where i asked if i could kiss him, he said yes, we made out for awhile and all of a sudden he pulled away and gave me a disgusted look and basically said he hadn't wanted to but felt like he couldn't say no because i asked.

quite honestly that made me feel horrible. i would never ever want anyone to feel pressured into doing anything they weren't comfortable with...since then, i've not tried to initiate anything with guys.
That sounds horrible. I can totally understand why you'd not want to make first moves after that.

The only thing I can say is, sometimes some guys freak out if things go off script.

The script says the guy is supposed to ask the girl to kiss. He's supposed to be ready to kiss and he's supposed to be in control and leading.

When it feels like he isn't in control and leading, he's got no reference for what he's supposed to do. He's got no tools for how to tell you to slow down or stop. He probably wasn't taught how to say 'no' or 'not yet'.

TV and movies have done a really crappy job of telling guys how to act in romantic situations, and for many that's all the instruction they ever got.


If you're not comfortable initiating, you don't have to. Don't feel pressured into doing something you're not comfortable with. From the sounds of it, you're already pretty good with the not-so-subtle hints and recognizing the perfect set up to make one.
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Old 11-19-2013, 03:04 AM   #10
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God, I'm so jealous of the men in question here -- I FREAKING WANT THOSE SUBTLE/NOT-SO-SUBTLE HINTS!

*Ahem* I don't know if my mindset has evolved a bit since I found Dims or what, but I feel that if I were in a situation where someone was showing some explicit interest in me, I'd more than happily take the hints. To this day, I still deal with a plethora of insecurities and confidence issues (I'll be the first to admit that), but not so much that I'm unable to acknowledge signs of affection -- assuming they're made obvious enough. I also don't think I'd have a problem accepting those advances either because I'd figure, "Why would she be going through the trouble of expressing feelings for me if she didn't mean it?" We all have our own ways of internalizing things though, so in the words of a wise 1978 sitcom theme song, "What might be right for you, may not be right for some."



And I've got to agree with tankyguy about that horrible scenario you dealt with. No one wants to be on the ass end of an awkward moment like that, but you definitely shouldn't blame yourself. Relationships are a two-way street and if he's not going to give you some idea of what he's comfortable with doing, then you certainly can't be blamed for taking the brave first steps toward progressing it (it's very admirable, in fact.) Alternatively, you could always try just talking about where things are heading and deciding what you're both comfortable with physically. Once you both have an understanding, you can go from there without having to worry about crossing any vulnerable boundaries before the time is right.

All that wannabe-armchair psychology aside, I say just do what feels comfortable to you. If things still feel a bit stiff and icy between you and your new beau, it certainly can't hurt to talk it through and inquire about where the relationship is heading. Communication is key, as they say .
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Old 11-20-2013, 01:40 AM   #11
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honestly 80 percent of communication is non verbal.
touching
eye contact
that sexy lip biting thing girls do.
If he asks what your type is "I like bigger guys. They make me feel protected.
such things will get you everywhere and flattery is king
if he seems unable to take a compliment scale it back
everybody is different but I just gave away the secret to seducing me haha
or at least the younger me.
The more recent me would demand Reeses big cups.
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Old 11-20-2013, 08:16 AM   #12
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honestly 80 percent of communication is non verbal.
touching
eye contact
that sexy lip biting thing girls do.
If he asks what your type is "I like bigger guys. They make me feel protected.
such things will get you everywhere and flattery is king
if he seems unable to take a compliment scale it back
everybody is different but I just gave away the secret to seducing me haha
or at least the younger me.
The more recent me would demand Reeses big cups.
if only it was as simple as giving a Reese's cup (or several)!

i do remember reading research where they found that your actual words only account for 7% of the message that other people get from what you're saying. Body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice make up the other 93%!

good advice; thanks you guys.
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Old 11-20-2013, 08:19 AM   #13
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If you're not comfortable initiating, you don't have to. Don't feel pressured into doing something you're not comfortable with. From the sounds of it, you're already pretty good with the not-so-subtle hints and recognizing the perfect set up to make one.
hehe. i do improv comedy (and actually get paid for it!) so yeah i am pretty good at that. i feel much more comfortable with Being Really Obvious and leaving the door wide open for the guy to make a move, rather than trying to take charge myself. And from what you said, most guys feel more comfortable with that as well. Which actually makes a lot of sense, re: the script and them not knowing what to do if it changes.
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Old 11-24-2013, 09:37 AM   #14
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I'm the most fucked up person ever lol

I'm walking around dropping "hints" like " I might need a napkin to dry off my seat you're so hot", "beast from beauty and the best is my favourite Disney prince, he's so big, hairy and aggressive" and my total number one " lets fuck".

I seriously wonder how come people like me


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my sister: hey do you need a half-naked guy for Christmas?
me: um, NO. ...well maybe, but not one of them. they're not my type at all!
the guy i've been out with a few times: so what IS your type then?
me: you.

he walked right into that one! and he blushed furiously. it was so cute.

anyone else?
That's so damn cute!
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Old 11-26-2013, 12:50 PM   #15
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but i'm really hesitant about making the first move, because of a bad experience with another guy where i asked if i could kiss him, he said yes, we made out for awhile and all of a sudden he pulled away and gave me a disgusted look and basically said he hadn't wanted to but felt like he couldn't say no because i asked.
Ugh, that's rubbish! I mean, hello, that's WHY you asked! I'm not surprised that that's put you off, but I honestly don't think you did anything wrong. How did he think saying no when you asked would be worse than that? If you get into a similar situation with your new guy (who sounds great and I'm jealous!) then this will almost certainly pop into your head, but please be brave and go ahead anyway! If he's worth your time then he'll just come out and tell you whether or not he wants to take that step, not mess with your head like that!

Apart from that, I have no advice. I haven't been successful in communicating that yet either. So let us know how things turn out with this guy! I'm definitely rooting for you
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Old 11-26-2013, 03:16 PM   #16
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Pretend that your crotch has become a diving rod that finds sexiness instead of water. Then gravitate toward fatties in your vicinity before dramatically whipping around and latching on to your sexy fatass of choice.

I'm not much for subtlety, honestly.
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Old 11-27-2013, 06:39 PM   #17
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Pretend that your crotch has become a diving rod that finds sexiness instead of water. Then gravitate toward fatties in your vicinity before dramatically whipping around and latching on to your sexy fatass of choice.

I'm not much for subtlety, honestly.
You are awesome!
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Old 11-27-2013, 07:44 PM   #18
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Paquito, lol! that sounds complicated.

dodobird, thanks for the reassurance and cheering-on!

so we went to a party Saturday night, and we kissed, and he is quite confident, which is a pleasant surprise. i'm so used to guys being varying degrees of uncomfortable and apologetic about being overweight (which is not a criticism- no wonder people are like that, considering the fucked up messages going around in society about appearances), but this guy didn't give off that vibe at all. He just seemed to enjoy it. and omg he was so delightfully soft and wonderful to cuddle with...*melts into puddle on floor*

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Old 11-27-2013, 09:59 PM   #19
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Paquito, lol! that sounds complicated.
To be fair, it sounds like these games of showing a little bit of attention but not too much attention because someone might get spooked sounds more complicated to me.
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:46 AM   #20
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I seriously wonder how come people like me
*raises hand*
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