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Old 01-27-2014, 05:08 PM   #1
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Default Confessions of married people

This thread is for those of us who are married, live with their significant one or are in an important relationship:

If our spouse/partner/significant one is not a BBW or a BHM, why did this happen?

I'll be the first to confess.

I am happily married and my wife is not a BBW. I am bisizal and I settled down rather late, therefore I had time to develop a number of meaningful relationships both with BBWs and with slim women. Those relationships never developped into a marriage or living together, some for sound practical reasons like being a few thousand miles away and neither of us being relocatable, or not being able to withstand the stress of being often alone for long periods because of my/our job; some because they were hopeless relationships even if they looked quite OK; some because I made a mess of perfectly good ones.

Anyhow last time I fell in love - a rather romantic story - it was with a slim woman. Things this time worked well, we began living together 24 years ago and married 2 years later.

So, now you know why I am not married to a BBW. Any other confession?
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Old 01-28-2014, 05:42 AM   #2
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Could this be a thread for married FA/FFA confessions in general? I love the topic you suggested of discussing why you aren't married to a larger partner if that is the case but there are singles confession threads and such in this forum and it would be nice to have a confessions thread for those of us in meaningful relationships.
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Old 01-28-2014, 08:11 AM   #3
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Given the title and the board, I think it is pretty fair for it to be confessions of married/attached FA, at the very least. But following the lead post, in particular it would be good to invite the stories of FA who ended up not settling down with BBW.

For my part, my wife is probably borderline BBW, around a north American size 16 jeans (if they are a ‘curvy’ cut with a bit of extra room in the hip and seat), size L or XL in t-shirts. She was a little bigger at heaviest, a bit smaller when we got married, and quite a bit smaller when we met. So yes, I’m another FA who got involved with a thinner woman, despite knowing I was an FA. In my case I reached my final year of university not having dated in years (and not a lot, ever). I decided that step one would be to get outside my normal zone so that I’d meet more women, which would hopefully lead to step 2, arranging some casual dates. I was really just looking to work on my dating skills and maybe enjoy having a bit of a social life, not to meet a life-partner (until then I’d not considered dating anyone that I wasn’t convinced had long term potential). There were not many BBW around the university, so while I figured I’d want a fat partner in the long run I allowed that some thinner women were cute in their own way, and going for a few dates with one or more would be fine—especially as I didn’t consider myself god’s gift to women, so I figured finding women interested in dating me would be hard enough, without putting a lot of either requirements in place (this was why I hadn’t been dating in the first place)

When I met my now-wife she was pretty thin, but still had large thighs and hips (just the way she is built, plus a good amount of lower body muscle). She was shockingly smitten by me, so things progressed beyond the casual date level, although I had some worries about that. Then I discovered that she was walking 45 minutes each way from home to the University every day, and often only eating one substantial meal--despite, or maybe partially because, of a true love of good food. That seemed to imply that with a more normal lifestyle she might gain some weight? Then I met her parents, and mom was borderline SSBBW size and her dad a BHM, and I was naïve enough to place a lot of faith in the old adage that “If you want to know what your girl friend will look like when she is older, look at her mom.” So the parents seemed to indicated that she would become fat indeed. And by this time, she’d already put on maybe ten pounds and wasn’t freaking out about it….. and I was discovering all of the many ways in which she was awesome and in which we clicked together. So somewhere along the line I realized that I had a great thing going, and that to throw it away just because I didn’t know how well my FA desires would be met would be stupid (especially when it seemed like the odds of them being met well were quite high), so officially admitted that this was no longer dating for fun, and that through pure blind luck I’d stumbled into a relationship with real long term potential.

In short, I hadn't intended to be one of those FA who get together with non-BBW, but love happens.
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Old 01-28-2014, 01:40 PM   #4
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Tad, I had a similar experience happen to me when I met my wife as well. I was still pretty much in the closet as an FA even though I had dated some plumbers when I was in High School to a borderline BBW/plumper while I began my college years I had never really wanted to try to step out of my comfort zone until I guess this one girlfriend I had ended up breaking my heart when I found out she was already engaged to be married to someone else, and I had been nothing more than a "fuck" buddy for her for the last 4 months.

After that experience I shut myself off from my emotions and started using drugs, and drinking heavily while my education became less and less important. Point is that during the next year of my life I was forced to move back home, and took a semester or two off of school before I went back to my local community college. During that time it seemed like all I really dated or eyed were those girls that who were either abnormally thin or were a little curvy but still not really the type I preferred. Ironically, while I dated these "thin" normal sized girls I had a friend on the side I had met on a dating website who I would meet up with periodically for some recreational fun (this was after my relationships with these other girls had failed).

But, for some reason even though I found this woman attractive to the point where we were able to have relations in a physical sense, but when it came to emotional stuff I wanted nothing to do with her, I think looking back on it after doing some reflecting because even though I wanted a BBW girlfriend I didn't want to have to explain to my parents and friends why exactly I "settled" for a larger woman than the thin one my Mom had always said I would marry when I was growing up. It wasn't until after I had gotten off the phone with this with this one girl I was dating at the time that I had realized I was living a lie, and this woman I was dating and I had nothing in common and I just couldn't see this relationship working out whatsoever and I had this amazing girl I dated 3 months prior who for some reason I had left her even though I knew she was crazy for me who is now my wife.

My wife I had also met on the same dating website I had met my "fun" friend on and I don't know how to explain it but when I came across her page and saw her pictures and read her biography, I was absolutely smitten. Then when I met her she looked a lot different than her pictures (big surprise right?) She was a lot smaller than she was than her pictures, I think about 40-50 pounds maybe and even though I still found her attractive, I liked the before pictures a lot more. During our first year we were using buddies where we used to drink and drug together even though I had legal issues and she continue to stick by my side throughout them all even though I had treated her like dirt the first time we dated, had no money, was a drug addict, and I am about 2 and a half years younger than she is.

She started off as a plumper/BBW I would say and I just didn't care the second time we dated as she is 5'1 and was about 180, and now she is about 280 which a girl at her size makes gives her around the same BMI as someone who is 5'6 and ways about 310. Anyway, point is over that time she has developed a lot of medical issues and she is now going to go back to the weight she was when we first met (or she has told me) with the help of the gastric sleeve in a few months. So, I too had things happen in my life where I had always planned to be with a BBW my whole life to probably to the days where that's most likely not going to be the case. But like what the gentleman who started this thread was talking about how him and his wife just have this uncanny bond to one another I feel the same thing with my wife, we've already been so much in the past 5 years (one of them in marriage) that it would just be silly to pack everything up and give up just because things are going to be changing. In life things are always changing and it's just how we decide to cope with these events that are given to us are what really define us as human beings.

After I read this initial diagnosis I had gotten from when I was a child from these children psychologists' recently they had summarized me as being someone who when he gets frustrated will give up easily. And even today I have noticed these events to still be true. I'm not going to do the same with my marriage, I'm here for the long haul. I want my wife to be happy and healthy and for use to be able to have children one day if God will allow it. We've used together, we got clean together (3 and a half years ago), and we can go through these medical issues too. Because in the end things always have a funny way of working out, just depends if you decide to keep your eyes and ears open to all of the little things going around you as I believe my Higher Power is always speaking to me in some way to try and keep me teachable.

That's all I got.
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Old 02-05-2014, 10:52 PM   #5
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My wife was a SSBBW but has lost over 300 pounds.
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Old 02-06-2014, 12:54 AM   #6
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My wife was a SSBBW but has lost over 300 pounds.
By the way, tell her I just lifted her Dutch Blueberry thing recipe from your FB page and THANK YOU. (couldn't rep you)
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Old 02-06-2014, 07:56 PM   #7
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I am happily married as my name suggests. My wife is a BBW but she is slowly trimming away at her weight. While I love her as is, I also care about her goals, so if she wants to lose weight I'm all for it. If she decided to stop losing weight, I'd be fine.
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Old 02-06-2014, 08:22 PM   #8
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By the way, tell her I just lifted her Dutch Blueberry thing recipe from your FB page and THANK YOU. (couldn't rep you)
Yeah, those are pretty damn good!!! My wife may have lost weight but she's doing her best to keep the rest of the family plump.
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Old 02-23-2014, 01:33 PM   #9
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As they say.. "life is what happens when you are making other plans" Love is such a rare thing that if you find it.. keep it! regardless of where you find it.

Just my thoughts...
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Old 03-26-2014, 05:32 AM   #10
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Well, I've been married to a 5'6" 230 lbs BBW since autumn 2012, but we have been together for 5 years prior to that. During those 7 years she went up to her current weight from 185 lbs and at the moment is in a slightly upward tendency.

When we met she was actually planning to lose some weight, but because of my attitude she actually ended up relaxing a bit and embracing her foodee tendencies. Generally, she had those periods of relaxation after which she became concerned about her weight, especially if she gained a few lbs. The funny thing is, as she got bigger, the latter ones got less and less frequent and today the only time when I hear about her considering some intentional weight loss is during THOSE days, and as far as I can tell even skinny women consider themselves too fat then. She is not gaining actively of course, but her love of food paired with genetic tendencies and somewhat lazy metabolism causes a slow increase in her weight.

The best thing is that the longer we were together the more accepting she was getting towards her body, which resulted in her stopping any comfort eating (she did that before we met) and generally a big boost in confidence, resulting in positive consequences for our everyday life and sex life as well. Basically, she is now at her heaviest but she is more confident than ever. Perhaps it's the wedding ring magic on one hand, but I put a lot of effort in trying to boost her confidence during those years and I am very very happy that my efforts did not go to waste.

I do not push her towards gaining in any way, unless you count me saying that she has never been sexier than now, but I would lie if I said I wouldn't find it sexy it if she got bigger. Still, there are the questions of her health on one hand and of how far her confidence would go, that is, whether she would still feel ok and confident with 20, 40 or 60 lbs more. For now it was theoretically getting better with her getting bigger, but in reality it probably wasn't related. The best thing is that, contrary to some other guys whose confessions I read online, I don't feel like anything is missing in her without such extra weight. Basically, it never was like that, even at the very beginning. I found her perfectly ok at 185 and now at 230 it's exactly the same. The only difference is that now, in retrospect, I can say that at 230 lbs she looks even prettier than at 185.

So, if you found me a genie who would ask me "would you like your wife to be 300-350 lbs, always free of any health issues related to that, liking her body and still as confident as now if not more", I'd probably say yes, but as long as we stay in the realm of reality, I just happily take what I'm given since it's a blessing already .
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Old 03-26-2014, 09:22 PM   #11
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I discovered that I'm FA just before I met my actual ex-wife. I had dated some BBW (and one SSBBW) and appreciated all them. My wife lost some pounds for our marriage and then after gained some weight back. After years she was gaining and she always knows that I loved her (and also loved her bigger body).
Now we broke but I miss her a lot. My next girfriend was plump but small...
Then I'm really a FA now and I want a BBW for lover.
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Old 04-14-2014, 10:43 AM   #12
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Default Would you still be attracted?

I have a strange question for FAs here. If your partner lost a lot of weight would you still be sexually attracted to them? I know those in love would still love them, but what about sexual attraction and desire?
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Old 04-14-2014, 02:52 PM   #13
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I have a strange question for FAs here. If your partner lost a lot of weight would you still be sexually attracted to them? I know those in love would still love them, but what about sexual attraction and desire?
Hard to know for sure, without being there. Certainly I would do everything I could to be so. But I think that for me, attitudes would matter as much or more than actual weight. I think I'd have a hard time getting it on if I was being bombarded with "Thank god I lost all that weight, I can't believe you used to even touch me, fat is so gross, god I'm never going back to that again, I just loathe fat."
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Old 04-14-2014, 06:53 PM   #14
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Hard to know for sure, without being there. Certainly I would do everything I could to be so. But I think that for me, attitudes would matter as much or more than actual weight. I think I'd have a hard time getting it on if I was being bombarded with "Thank god I lost all that weight, I can't believe you used to even touch me, fat is so gross, god I'm never going back to that again, I just loathe fat."
Oh definitely. Crowing about a loss of weight is boring. But like the woman who's husband wanted her to lose weight because she was no longer attractive to him with a few pounds more than when they married, is there an inverse? If you desired your partner fat and then your fat partner becomes thin, does your sexual desire for them go away? And if so, is the partnership doomed? Has this happened to anyone?
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Old 04-14-2014, 08:54 PM   #15
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I have a strange question for FAs here. If your partner lost a lot of weight would you still be sexually attracted to them? I know those in love would still love them, but what about sexual attraction and desire?

As I noted earlier in this thread my wife has lost over 300 pounds (323 to be exact). She looks very different but she's still hot. My desire (and action thereon) has not decreased.
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Old 04-15-2014, 12:04 AM   #16
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I am bisizal, as I said in the opening post of this thread, therefore if a BBW girlfriend would lose weight I'll be attracted to her anyhow!
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Old 04-15-2014, 04:27 AM   #17
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I am bisizal, as I said in the opening post of this thread, therefore if a BBW girlfriend would lose weight I'll be attracted to her anyhow!
I love that word 'bi-sizal'. Excellent.
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Old 04-15-2014, 04:29 AM   #18
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As I noted earlier in this thread my wife has lost over 300 pounds (323 to be exact). She looks very different but she's still hot. My desire (and action thereon) has not decreased.
That's good. I have heard that there are some who would still love, but not be attracted due to the weight loss. An ex of mine, for instance, thought it was a deal-breaker if I gained weight. Oh, he loved me, he said, he just didn't desire me any longer. Hmmm.
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Old 04-15-2014, 07:36 AM   #19
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I'm pretty sure most FAs don't realize that when a fat woman loses weight, they still tend to be squishy...sometimes squishier than before, in fact!
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Old 04-15-2014, 09:04 AM   #20
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I have a strange question for FAs here. If your partner lost a lot of weight would you still be sexually attracted to them? I know those in love would still love them, but what about sexual attraction and desire?
Yes I would. Still the same person, just smaller. Love is more powerful than lust.
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Old 04-15-2014, 12:14 PM   #21
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I'm pretty sure most FAs don't realize that when a fat woman loses weight, they still tend to be squishy...sometimes squishier than before, in fact!
Well that's certainly true!
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Old 04-15-2014, 12:15 PM   #22
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Yes I would. Still the same person, just smaller. Love is more powerful than lust.
I would hope that is true. For some it is all about lust and love is a nice byproduct; a bonus, if you will.
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Old 04-16-2014, 12:35 AM   #23
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I would hope that is true. For some it is all about lust and love is a nice byproduct; a bonus, if you will.
On my experience lust can be the basis of an intense relationship - marriage, living together or whatever - only for a short period because it does not last long. Love might be initially a byproduct, but in the end it is what keeps the couple together. Lust diminishes and the relationship continues only if love and affection are there.
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Old 04-16-2014, 07:21 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by Orso View Post
On my experience lust can be the basis of an intense relationship - marriage, living together or whatever - only for a short period because it does not last long. Love might be initially a byproduct, but in the end it is what keeps the couple together. Lust diminishes and the relationship continues only if love and affection are there.
I must be a cynic. I wish lust would disappear from all of my relationships because it seems to cause no end of problems. But that says more about me than it does about anyone I have a relationship with. I've found great comfort in the Asexual forums on another site. I don't think I was meant for sexual relationships as I've never really gotten much enjoyment from them. I've always been the object of lust and I don't see that as a good thing because it's not something I chose most of the time. So I suppose I should be thankful if my significant others look/ed elsewhere. Takes the pressure off looking or acting a certain way.

Oh hell, I'm probably just getting old.
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Old 04-17-2014, 07:48 AM   #25
Yakatori
Hard to say, really...
 
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Default ^Could be a number of different things, physically or emotionally.

Not so, so uncommon. At any age.

Question you should ask yourself: Can I remember a point where I was not quite feeling this way?
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