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Old 04-17-2014, 10:44 AM   #26
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I must be a cynic. I wish lust would disappear from all of my relationships because it seems to cause no end of problems. But that says more about me than it does about anyone I have a relationship with. I've found great comfort in the Asexual forums on another site. I don't think I was meant for sexual relationships as I've never really gotten much enjoyment from them. I've always been the object of lust and I don't see that as a good thing because it's not something I chose most of the time. So I suppose I should be thankful if my significant others look/ed elsewhere. Takes the pressure off looking or acting a certain way.

Oh hell, I'm probably just getting old.
Hey there, just thought I should let you know that you aren't the only asexual person here and there is nothing wrong with you in any way. I am asexual too, in my whole life I have only ever found one person attractive that way and I have no physical attraction to anybody else, regardless of gender, size etc.
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Old 04-18-2014, 02:59 AM   #27
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Hey there, just thought I should let you know that you aren't the only asexual person here and there is nothing wrong with you in any way. I am asexual too, in my whole life I have only ever found one person attractive that way and I have no physical attraction to anybody else, regardless of gender, size etc.
Well that's good to know!! In a world where everything is about sex all the time, it makes one feel odd doesn't it?
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Old 04-18-2014, 03:01 AM   #28
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Not so, so uncommon. At any age.

Question you should ask yourself: Can I remember a point where I was not quite feeling this way?
Hmmm. Interesting question. Probably during the phases when I was not married, I didn't think about it at all. However, I've been married longer than I've been single, so I haven't had much time to focus on things that weren't for a husband's benefit.
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Old 04-19-2014, 01:44 AM   #29
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The best thing is that the longer we were together the more accepting she was getting towards her body, which resulted in her stopping any comfort eating (she did that before we met) and generally a big boost in confidence, resulting in positive consequences for our everyday life and sex life as well. Basically, she is now at her heaviest but she is more confident than ever. Perhaps it's the wedding ring magic on one hand, but I put a lot of effort in trying to boost her confidence during those years and I am very very happy that my efforts did not go to waste.
That's been true of me as well. Relaxing about being fat for a husband who loves it is comforting. However, I overheard him tell someone that he would love me no matter what size I was, but maybe not sexually attracted if I were smaller. That hurt a bit, but I realized that I can't make myself sexually attractive to those who desire something I can never be. Interesting conundrum really. Health vs. desire. Personality vs. body.
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Old 06-01-2014, 02:49 AM   #30
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I have a strange question for FAs here. If your partner lost a lot of weight would you still be sexually attracted to them? I know those in love would still love them, but what about sexual attraction and desire?
I think I would still be sexually attracted, but I'd have to shift the order my turn-ons a bit. That would take a while, but I think it would be completely possible. Basically, if weight is the only thing that makes one aroused about their partner, I think that's pretty unhealthy for a relationship. I, on the other hand, have 3 or 4 turn-ons to choose from so losing one (in case of my partner getting thin, because if she just lost weight to the point of "curvy" it would be much easier to handle) wouldn't be that much of a loss.
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Old 06-05-2014, 03:43 AM   #31
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Basically, if weight is the only thing that makes one aroused about their partner, I think that's pretty unhealthy for a relationship.
I think so too, which is why I wondered what others thought. Surely there has to be more to it than body mass? Thank you for the reply.
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Old 06-14-2014, 05:21 AM   #32
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I think so too, which is why I wondered what others thought. Surely there has to be more to it than body mass? Thank you for the reply.
I agree, there is plenty more missing
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Old 06-15-2014, 12:22 AM   #33
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I think I would still be sexually attracted, but I'd have to shift the order my turn-ons a bit. That would take a while, but I think it would be completely possible. Basically, if weight is the only thing that makes one aroused about their partner, I think that's pretty unhealthy for a relationship. I, on the other hand, have 3 or 4 turn-ons to choose from so losing one (in case of my partner getting thin, because if she just lost weight to the point of "curvy" it would be much easier to handle) wouldn't be that much of a loss.
Right, but just a thought... Imagine if the statement was "I would not be attracted to you if you got old". Well, um, people deal with that. Some end up in relationships where they are not attracted enough to do stuff in the elder years. The lucky/smart ones still find beauty in each other, even though at the age of 22 they might not have been specifically attracted to 'granny fanny'. Mentally inflexible people end up in trouble...
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Old 06-15-2014, 11:01 AM   #34
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Right, but just a thought... Imagine if the statement was "I would not be attracted to you if you got old". Well, um, people deal with that. Some end up in relationships where they are not attracted enough to do stuff in the elder years. The lucky/smart ones still find beauty in each other, even though at the age of 22 they might not have been specifically attracted to 'granny fanny'. Mentally inflexible people end up in trouble...

Here's a good article about why some relationships succeed despite the fact that most fail.

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/ar...-after/372573/


Turns out that relationships based on kindness and generosity succeed and that contempt for your partner dooms a relationship. Seem pretty obvious but how many people get into relationships with people they don't respect (i.e. she may be dumb but she has great @#^$ ... or ... she doesn't have a job but she sure does give great *&^$)

Note: simply delaying sexual activity doesn't make anyone more respectable -- its the character flaws that make people contemptible not their sexuality.

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Old 08-27-2014, 08:24 PM   #35
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My wife is a ssbbw that hates her figure. She knows that I love her and knows that if given the choice I would love her to gain more. But of course that decision is not mine to make. I would also love her if she stayed the same or lost weight. Love is still love no matter what the size. I want her to be happy so I support her at any size to include weight loss.
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Old 08-27-2014, 09:21 PM   #36
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i am and have always been a big girl (5'7" and a size 26). My husband was/is not an FA and his first wife was a small girl. He tells me that my size did not come into play re: his feelings for me and that he would love me thick or thin. He says that my 'rock what i got' attitude is what he found most sexy and is what turns him on. he told me that a girl with confidence, regardless of her size, is always super hot to guys.

i don't really consider myself a ffa, but i do like a big, burly man. my husband is just over 6' and currently about 320 lbs. He was smaller when we got married (cause he was a crap cook and didn't eat well) but has gained about 50lbs since we got married. funny part is that when we finally had to go shop to buy him bigger pants, he was worried that his weight gain would bother me. i told him no that he looked great and still damn sexy to me. i told him i like that he rounded out and as long as he is healthy, i am fine with whatever size he is. i just want him to be happy with him.

i agree with many of the below statements. the love has to be there. people change with time...weight goes up/down, you get wrinkles and grey hair. if you love what is inside, the changes on the outside don't matter. don't get me wrong, i love the physical side of our relationship and it is an important part of any marriage/relationship...but really what turns me on about my hub has nothing to do with his waist size. it's his big sexy brain
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Old 08-28-2014, 12:07 PM   #37
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I have a strange question for FAs here. If your partner lost a lot of weight would you still be sexually attracted to them? I know those in love would still love them, but what about sexual attraction and desire?
I guess every person is different, for me: dramatic weight loss = no sexual attraction at all (even if love is still there). This is sad but - it is what it is...

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Right, but just a thought... Imagine if the statement was "I would not be attracted to you if you got old". Well, um, people deal with that.
People will adapt to anything in long run...especially if change is very slow and gradual, so "getting old" is a different case.

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Old 09-07-2014, 07:13 AM   #38
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I feel that in a marriage relationship you are with a person and you must like her or it cannot work at all. Love is the essence and this is out of discussion.

On the other hand, I believe that in a marriage relationship we are always talking about people that are at the same time friends and lovers and that if one of those things are missing, the couple becomes dysfunctional.

Perhaps one can think of a couple where actual dialogue has become impossible, where one side is simply incapable of understanding the other's feelings and motivations. In my world view, this will tend to be a short living marriage. Problems would simply become unsolvable.

On the other side, sexual attraction is a part of what makes a couple a couple. So, I picture it in the following way: I like BBW's and found an attractive lady to date with. She is a big girl and it drives me crazy. But at some point she looses a lot of weight in order to improve her health condition. I believe I would support her from all of my heart.

BUT, let's suppose that she looses so much weight that I start so see things in her body that are a real turn off for me (e.g. being with a woman when I am able to see the bones of her hips (the name of this bone is bowl in english?) is a major turn off for me personally). I believe it would be reasonable to think that we would become a dysfunctional couple as lovers.

I said all this in order to answer your question: in my opinion you loosing weight can or cannot be a problem depending on how does the guy relates to you as a person both as a friend and as a lover. My impression is that it changes from person to person but that everyone has major turn offs (for me it is seeing hip bones in a standing woman) and you should talk openly with your significant other about it, learn his/her feelings and if it is worthy of it, make it work for both of you. It is all about communication, but this communication occurs simultaneously in several different levels.
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Old 09-09-2014, 11:02 PM   #39
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I said all this in order to answer your question: in my opinion you loosing weight can or cannot be a problem depending on how does the guy relates to you as a person both as a friend and as a lover. My impression is that it changes from person to person but that everyone has major turn offs (for me it is seeing hip bones in a standing woman) and you should talk openly with your significant other about it, learn his/her feelings and if it is worthy of it, make it work for both of you. It is all about communication, but this communication occurs simultaneously in several different levels.
A great well thought out answer and I agree with you about communication and friendship. I suppose, like previous comments, one can imagine all sorts of scenarios that might be 'deal-breakers' on the sexual desire front. Perhaps men are different from women in that as a woman, I do not depend on one thing about a person to give them sex appeal or that makes me desire them. I desire a personality; a whole package, if I desire at all. To me, that's what makes someone sexy or not, which is why some of the most drop dead gorgeous men prove to be asses and completely undesirable to me, whereas some of the men society finds 'ugly' or un-sexy, prove to be humorous, witty, caring, and completely desirable.
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Old 09-09-2014, 11:16 PM   #40
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Not so, so uncommon. At any age.

Question you should ask yourself: Can I remember a point where I was not quite feeling this way?

I just noticed your comment and to answer it, no, I can't remember a time when I didn't feel this way.
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Old 09-10-2014, 07:02 AM   #41
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Weighted, with your smile, hair and cleavage and your intellect, I think I'd be sexually attracted to yo at any size.
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Old 09-10-2014, 09:57 AM   #42
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Weighted, there is a book (which I did not read) that says that men and women are so different that the only possible explanation is that they came from different planets. LOL
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Old 09-13-2014, 03:06 AM   #43
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Weighted, with your smile, hair and cleavage and your intellect, I think I'd be sexually attracted to yo at any size.
Why thank you BBWBud! That is most appreciated.
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Old 09-13-2014, 03:07 AM   #44
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Weighted, there is a book (which I did not read) that says that men and women are so different that the only possible explanation is that they came from different planets. LOL
Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus? I'm beginning to believe more and more that this is true.
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