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Old 04-30-2014, 02:41 PM   #201
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Originally Posted by vardon_grip View Post
This isn't about penis.

Here's the bottom line. People ask about race because they want to know about the other persons preference toward dating someone ghetto/barrio/back woods/rice paddy..etc. They want to know if you like to date (in their mind) the stereotypical negative element of any particular race/group. It's racist and yet, in the mind of the person asking, it is possible that it isn't to them. (then again, it can be totally be about race just because they are complete racists)

Right or wrong, we do this because we think it gives us insight into another's personality and we want to avoid things that what will cause problems; real or perceived.

I have been asked if I have had sex with a prostitute or frequent strip joints. I doubt it was because the woman was insecure about her bedroom skills. I have also been asked if I attended church or belonged to a particular religion. I have a prejudice against dating intravenous drug users, drug dealers, meth/coke heads and murderers or people who've dated heroin/meth/cocaine users/dealers. I don't have a problem with asking questions related to that subject because I am prejudiced. Does that make me bad? Maybe. Probably. Definitely?

There's the rub. We all have prejudices. It is just a matter of what you find acceptable to be prejudiced about. For some, it's race; for others it's a matter of size. Others still, it's about mental health or cats or mobility or crime or liking "Everybody Loves Raymond" or money or education or religion or...etc.

Lastly...should we automatically change our opinion about asking if you date fat people depending on the size or gender of the inquirer and responder? (fat/fat or fat/thin or thin/thin) OR, is it all prejudiced and sizeist or not at all?

i think there are a lot of excuses here. these things are not determined by race at all but by personal behavior and ideas. those things are not racially exclusive and someone who thinks they are has a race problem they aren't really dealing with. race is NOT a behavior.

even if people have prejudices it doesn't make them alright. because people to tend to hold different prejudices it doesn't make any one of them okay. we need to stand up to them where ever we see them, whatever they are. and if someone is basically blind to them it's up to other people who can see it to call it out and not to make it okay. people can evolve. that is why Jim Crowe is no longer acceptable. there are other things that should be unacceptable too. people taking the race of a lover as some kind of judgement on someone is one of them. that is a racist behavior. simple as that.

just any black man IS NOT a negative in someone else's past and absolutely nothing can make that true or make holding that idea acceptable.

i think it's more about penis size than you might think. as a woman of mixed heritage who dates people of different races i get a lot of honest nervous questions about stuff like that. would a guy really admit that to you?
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Old 04-30-2014, 03:02 PM   #202
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vardon_grip View Post
This isn't about penis.

Here's the bottom line. People ask about race because they want to know about the other persons preference toward dating someone ghetto/barrio/back woods/rice paddy..etc. They want to know if you like to date (in their mind) the stereotypical negative element of any particular race/group. It's racist and yet, in the mind of the person asking, it is possible that it isn't to them. (then again, it can be totally be about race just because they are complete racists)

Right or wrong, we do this because we think it gives us insight into another's personality and we want to avoid things that what will cause problems; real or perceived.

I have been asked if I have had sex with a prostitute or frequent strip joints. I doubt it was because the woman was insecure about her bedroom skills. I have also been asked if I attended church or belonged to a particular religion. I have a prejudice against dating intravenous drug users, drug dealers, meth/coke heads and murderers or people who've dated heroin/meth/cocaine users/dealers. I don't have a problem with asking questions related to that subject because I am prejudiced. Does that make me bad? Maybe. Probably. Definitely?

There's the rub. We all have prejudices. It is just a matter of what you find acceptable to be prejudiced about. For some, it's race; for others it's a matter of size. Others still, it's about mental health or cats or mobility or crime or liking "Everybody Loves Raymond" or money or education or religion or...etc.

Lastly...should we automatically change our opinion about asking if you date fat people depending on the size or gender of the inquirer and responder? (fat/fat or fat/thin or thin/thin) OR, is it all prejudiced and sizeist or not at all?
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Old 04-30-2014, 03:10 PM   #203
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....but to ask someone about skin color? That which we can't control? Really? I can't believe you all are justifying asking the race of previous partners. It's weird.

We can control our weight (to an extent) - so asking "have you slept with a fat woman?" is equivalent to me asking a man if he's ever played a round of Poker or something. I'm asking him "do you know how to play?" lol

We can control our drug use and people we surround ourselves with. We can control our habits.

We cannot control the skin we're in.

I will never deem it acceptable to ask ME "derrrrrp, have you slept with a man outside your race?" Especially, if they specifically say "black man"...because that's racist as hell. Sorry, not sorry.
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Old 04-30-2014, 03:34 PM   #204
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FatAndProud View Post
....but to ask someone about skin color? That which we can't control? Really? I can't believe you all are justifying asking the race of previous partners. It's weird.

We can control our weight (to an extent) - so asking "have you slept with a fat woman?" is equivalent to me asking a man if he's ever played a round of Poker or something. I'm asking him "do you know how to play?" lol

We can control our drug use and people we surround ourselves with. We can control our habits.

We cannot control the skin we're in.

I will never deem it acceptable to ask ME "derrrrrp, have you slept with a man outside your race?" Especially, if they specifically say "black man"...because that's racist as hell. Sorry, not sorry.
Like I said, The problem is not the question. The problem is the reaction the of person being asked the question. I have asked plenty of men out side of my ethnicity if they have dated hispanic women before. Dating a hispanic man/woman is a different experience than dating a white/black/asian, etc.
We tend to be very family oriented. Our men tend to be very misogynistic, and they think that they can have their wife and a mistress on the side. That is something that hispanoic men are known for. If you are a person tht has not dealth with that kind of relationship, it will be a big culture shock. Why not find out from the beginning if that is something you can deal with instead of getting into the middle of things where feelings are involved to them find out it is not for you?

So again I say... the problem is not the question. The question might not be a nice question, and it can be down right rude and distasteful. I am not saying that the question does not bring up some kind of warning in someone who has had a bad experience....

BUT the reaction of the person being asked is the problem. Because instead of asking, What are you trying to figure out with this question?, they instead decided to project their own prejudice/bad experience to try to deduce what the person means by the question which often leads you to the wrong conclusion.... This my friend is where the problem lays.
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Old 04-30-2014, 03:50 PM   #205
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THANK YOU!


Quote:
Originally Posted by FatAndProud View Post
....but to ask someone about skin color? That which we can't control? Really? I can't believe you all are justifying asking the race of previous partners. It's weird.

We can control our weight (to an extent) - so asking "have you slept with a fat woman?" is equivalent to me asking a man if he's ever played a round of Poker or something. I'm asking him "do you know how to play?" lol

We can control our drug use and people we surround ourselves with. We can control our habits.

We cannot control the skin we're in.

I will never deem it acceptable to ask ME "derrrrrp, have you slept with a man outside your race?" Especially, if they specifically say "black man"...because that's racist as hell. Sorry, not sorry.
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Old 04-30-2014, 04:42 PM   #206
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FatAndProud View Post
....but to ask someone about skin color? That which we can't control? Really? I can't believe you all are justifying asking the race of previous partners. It's weird. We can control our weight (to an extent) - so asking "have you slept with a fat woman?" is equivalent to me asking a man if he's ever played a round of Poker or something. I'm asking him "do you know how to play?" lol We can control our drug use and people we surround ourselves with. We can control our habits. We cannot control the skin we're in. I will never deem it acceptable to ask ME "derrrrrp, have you slept with a man outside your race?" Especially, if they specifically say "black man"...because that's racist as hell. Sorry, not sorry.
This, so this.
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Old 04-30-2014, 04:48 PM   #207
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FatAndProud View Post
....but to ask someone about skin color? That which we can't control? Really? I can't believe you all are justifying asking the race of previous partners. It's weird.

We can control our weight (to an extent) - so asking "have you slept with a fat woman?" is equivalent to me asking a man if he's ever played a round of Poker or something. I'm asking him "do you know how to play?" lol

We can control our drug use and people we surround ourselves with. We can control our habits.

We cannot control the skin we're in.

I will never deem it acceptable to ask ME "derrrrrp, have you slept with a man outside your race?" Especially, if they specifically say "black man"...because that's racist as hell. Sorry, not sorry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FatAndProud View Post
No racial, but I want to know why the hell white guys ask me if I date/fuck black men?
I can't speak for anyone else, but I was answering the question you asked.
WHY.
It isn't about things that can be controlled or not or what is acceptable. You cannot reason the unreasonable. Most of us already know the "wrongness" of the question, but I think that trying to understand racism/prejudice doesn't make it right or mean that you approve.
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Old 04-30-2014, 04:58 PM   #208
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FatAndProud View Post
....but to ask someone about skin color? That which we can't control? Really? I can't believe you all are justifying asking the race of previous partners. It's weird.

We can control our weight (to an extent) - so asking "have you slept with a fat woman?" is equivalent to me asking a man if he's ever played a round of Poker or something. I'm asking him "do you know how to play?" lol

We can control our drug use and people we surround ourselves with. We can control our habits.

We cannot control the skin we're in.

I will never deem it acceptable to ask ME "derrrrrp, have you slept with a man outside your race?" Especially, if they specifically say "black man"...because that's racist as hell. Sorry, not sorry.
i'm totally amazed too girl *sigh* AND disappointed
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Old 04-30-2014, 05:02 PM   #209
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joke:

Growing up, the women I was around cared about ONE color: Green, as in the color of money.

* hears crickets *

(it was needed)
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Old 04-30-2014, 05:05 PM   #210
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Originally Posted by vardon_grip View Post
I can't speak for anyone else, but I was answering the question you asked.
WHY.
It isn't about things that can be controlled or not or what is acceptable. You cannot reason the unreasonable. Most of us already know the "wrongness" of the question, but I think that trying to understand racism/prejudice doesn't make it right or mean that you approve.
i'm not going to try and understand people who rationalized all of the negative things Nazis thought about Jews ( as in have you ever dated any Jews) and started the holocaust. sometimes there is nothing to understand about hatred except that it is hatred and it's wrong period and to make it unacceptable. pretending it is understandable and okay as has been said here in this thread is a part of the problem and looks like acceptance -- so no. just say no to prejudice. it's not okay. no matter what people did in the past it never was okay. it never will be okay.
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Old 04-30-2014, 05:19 PM   #211
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Originally Posted by lucca23v2 View Post
Like I said, The problem is not the question. The problem is the reaction the of person being asked the question. I have asked plenty of men out side of my ethnicity if they have dated hispanic women before. Dating a hispanic man/woman is a different experience than dating a white/black/asian, etc.
We tend to be very family oriented. Our men tend to be very misogynistic, and they think that they can have their wife and a mistress on the side. That is something that hispanoic men are known for. If you are a person tht has not dealth with that kind of relationship, it will be a big culture shock. Why not find out from the beginning if that is something you can deal with instead of getting into the middle of things where feelings are involved to them find out it is not for you?

So again I say... the problem is not the question. The question might not be a nice question, and it can be down right rude and distasteful. I am not saying that the question does not bring up some kind of warning in someone who has had a bad experience....

BUT the reaction of the person being asked is the problem. Because instead of asking, What are you trying to figure out with this question?, they instead decided to project their own prejudice/bad experience to try to deduce what the person means by the question which often leads you to the wrong conclusion.... This my friend is where the problem lays.
in this situation it's not about bad experiences. prejudice is never on the person prejudice is being used against. reaction to a racist question is not the problem. it's not just rude it's wrong. it doesn't matter what they are trying to figure out. whatever they're trying to figure out it's based specifically on race alone. it's one thing for a person to say they have experienced a situation and to talk about it openly with the person they are dating (though no one is able to come up what such a situation might be where someone really needs to ask a white woman if she dates black men, mainly because there probably isn't one) and another altogether for them to question a person as though they've potentially committed some kind of a crime or that they somehow own or control the racial purity of someone's vagina into perpetuity.

if the tables were turned and a black man asked a black woman whether she had ever dated a white man...

i find both situations highly distasteful.
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Old 04-30-2014, 05:43 PM   #212
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Personally I think that there is some validity to the question. Others don't seem to think so. I guess we will just have to agree to disagree.

I have to say, that even though there is a lot of division of this topic, this has been a good discussion.
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Old 04-30-2014, 06:12 PM   #213
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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
i'm not going to try and understand people who rationalized all of the negative things Nazis thought about Jews ( as in have you ever dated any Jews) and started the holocaust. sometimes there is nothing to understand about hatred except that it is hatred and it's wrong period and to make it unacceptable. pretending it is understandable and okay as has been said here in this thread is a part of the problem and looks like acceptance -- so no. just say no to prejudice. it's not okay. no matter what people did in the past it never was okay. it never will be okay.
You really jumped the shark with this post. People -- without any evil intent -- list their preferences and ask about preferences all the time. If they do so in an inartfully manner we can say they're socially inept. But that's about all.
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Old 04-30-2014, 06:33 PM   #214
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I'm just going to answer "Neopolitan" from now on
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Old 04-30-2014, 06:40 PM   #215
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i'm not going to try and understand people who rationalized all of the negative things Nazis thought about Jews ( as in have you ever dated any Jews) and started the holocaust. sometimes there is nothing to understand about hatred except that it is hatred and it's wrong period and to make it unacceptable. pretending it is understandable and okay as has been said here in this thread is a part of the problem and looks like acceptance -- so no. just say no to prejudice. it's not okay. no matter what people did in the past it never was okay. it never will be okay.
Wow.. so saying that a question, no matter how distasteful, might have some validity - is akin to being a Nazi?

and just as an FYI - I did not see any post saying that it is ok to be racist or to be prejudice. All that was said was that the question does not always come from a place of racism or prejudice.

Taking it out of the context of white and black, it could be a Hispanic asking an Asian the same question... or a Pakistani asking a person from mars the question. The point is that yes, the question can come from a racist/prejudice place, but it can also come from a place of curiosity.

And personally, I said that maybe people should give others the benefit of the doubt and not ASSUME that people are asking the question from a negative place. That is all.

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Old 04-30-2014, 06:40 PM   #216
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Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
You really jumped the shark with this post. People -- without any evil intent -- list their preferences and ask about preferences all the time. If they do so in an inartfully manner we can say they're socially inept. But that's about all.
so what kind of preference are you talking about in this instance anyway? the preference in this case is a white woman's dating relationship with black men? what does that have to do with the white man standing in front of her and trying to date her? does he prefer a racially "pure" white woman? or does he prefer a white woman who will indulge him in a racially motivated cuckold fetish about black men with huge black penises? either way black men are being reduced to something subhuman. how are you making that one work?

and, if the white male is not a racist and just trying to figure out if she likes him how in the world will questioning her in that way determine that? either way she still may not like him. if she only dates white men she still may not want to date particular white man anyway. it would tell him nothing about his chances. i she had only dated black men before it doesn't tell you if she is going to break her trend with the white man in front of her. if she dates mainly black men it might not have anything to do with the fact that they are black. it might have to do with the fact that they live in her geographical area, are into what she is into or are who she is mainly around because she has a lot of black gfs etc...why doesn't he just have the balls to just ask her is she is attracted to him instead of bringing all of these other people into the situation?

your position is bogus. if a white guy really wants to know if she is attracted all he has to do is ask or at least ask her out and figure it out the same way people have done for centuries--when she continues spending time with him. strange to think he would be more comfortable getting all into her personal sexual history than just saying he finds her attractive and asking if she feels the same about him. yes, he has some serious social issues.

a lot of people who claim they are inept are just using lists as a power tool. a lot them are afraid of and they love the idea of rejecting other people before they get rejected when they feel themselves flagging. it always seems to be the ones who are so bitter about not getting chosen as though everybody they meet owes it to them. they have low self esteem and that is a way to feel more powerful.
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Old 04-30-2014, 06:52 PM   #217
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And with that Nazi reference I am again bowing out of this thread. Have a good one everyone.
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Old 04-30-2014, 07:30 PM   #218
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Originally Posted by lucca23v2 View Post
Wow.. so saying that a question, no matter how distasteful, might have some validity - is akin to being a Nazi?

and just as an FYI - I did not see any post saying that it is ok to be racist or to be prejudice. All that was said was that the question does not always come from a place of racism or prejudice.

Taking it out of the context of white and black, it could be a Hispanic asking an Asian the same question... or a Pakistani asking a person from mars the question. The point is that yes, the question can come from a racist/prejudice place, but it can also come from a place of curiosity.

And personally, I said that maybe people should give others the benefit of the doubt and not ASSUME that people are asking the question from a negative place. That is all.

all of that would be wrong in a dating context where you are speaking to a person of the same race about another race since anybody can be the target of some kind of prejudice.

in the spirit of honesty and openness why not just ask them generally about their attitudes toward race period? but people can often date folks of different races and hold a prejudice anyway. i'm still trying to figure out what you think would gotten out of it.

again why would you need to know specifically who they date racially? what kinds of questions do you think that would answer?

it's not an extreme to bring Nazism into this because there were a lot of "good" German people who would have thought it was perfectly okay to determine if someone were Jewish--even if they weren't a practicing Jew in order to exclude or separate them from the rest of society somehow. many europeans viewed Jews as some kind of wealthy sexual animal who lived in ghettos. Brahms Stoker even patterned Dracula after the sexualized Jewish stereotype. Gustav Mahler went to in Austria, where he was often portrayed as a monkey in the regular media even though he was a recognized musical genius. the things that happened later could never have occurred if more people had acted as though that type of prejudice was unacceptable from the beginning and kept to that. so when extremely radical racial ideas were presented to people under stress, like a bad war ravaged economy, they didn't have such a huge leap to make when choosing a scapegoat. there should be no tolerance for intolerance because it can morph into something else very quickly as we have seen all over the world for centuries. i know i'm not going to accept it.
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Old 04-30-2014, 07:36 PM   #219
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Originally Posted by FatAndProud View Post
I'm just going to answer "Neopolitan" from now on
believe me. that won't save you. lol
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Old 04-30-2014, 08:52 PM   #220
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At just a smidge under 40..yes..as stated you are a rare exception in all my years of attempting to date. Though, I cannot say it is exactly due to race. Just trying to think...honestly, I can't think of many men who were okay being seen with me in public. Most of them would make sure their body language screamed "I'm not with her". Tots awesome [sic]. But, I do agree that in my experience that black men have been more vocal..and have hit on me a few occasions using that whole "baby girl" - I'm a sucker. Sadly though, white guys have been far ruder in public to me. Calling me names, making fun of me...etc.

Next....that same question that was asked of the OP has been posed to me on numerous occasions over the years - to me it came across as racist phobia if that makes sense. Also, I think these men suffer from inadequacy issues. When pressed, because my brain cannot comprehend how this is a valid question, why it was an issue or even why would they ask something so stupid it was inevitably followed up by "I don't believe races should mix.". WTF?? Seriously? Well, I don't believe your parents should have had children. Needless to say you move on quickly from these very small minded people.
I really don't see what the big deal is. Frankly, they act like crossing racial lines to be with a black person is this major big deal. The sad thing is some black people act like it is too. I have never been able to wrap my head around this type of stupidity, which is an ugly remnant of the slavemaster mentality.




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Old 04-30-2014, 09:09 PM   #221
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Originally Posted by The Orange Mage View Post
Lemme throw this one out there: Anecdotally, my experience is that fat women who are pear shaped DRASTICALLY prefer black men, and that black men in turn really really really like the pear-shaped fatties over other fat women. True? Or just a limited sample size on my part?
I think your sample size is limited. Black, Hispanic, Latino, Middle Eastern and Indian men like BBWs.
I do date pear shaped BBWs but I do not prefer them over other fat women. Looks are negotiable with me as long as I like the woman's personality.




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Old 04-30-2014, 09:21 PM   #222
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list or no lists. any way you slice it a white guys having to ask a white woman if she has ever dated a black man before he can decide to date her is messed up and prejudiced.
I have to wonder what goes on in the minds of some of these women though. I have found that some white women actually bring up the racial thing on the first date and try to figure out why you are dating them. We live in a Nutty country when it comes to race.

I do not believe in racial boundaries. I never have. I will date any type of woman except an asshole.



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Old 04-30-2014, 09:39 PM   #223
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All this stress people go through over looks is really weird. This is 2014, yet folks act like they are still stuck in 1966. What difference does it really make what the other person you are interested in looks like as long as you like the person and that person likes you and treats you well?

I am disgusted by people who act like BBWs and black men are some kind of exotic animals fit only for the world of sex fetishes. I have been approached by men and women who were caught up in that racist fetish mentality. I have no tolerance for it.

I have no patience for women who might feel ashamed for their friends/families to know they were dating me as if dating me was some kind of crime. Nor do I have any patience for people who act like dating BBWs is some sort of weird thing. Everybody wants to be happy, but quite a few folks would rather remain unhappy and unfulfilled just to maintain an aura of social acceptability.

I have read hundreds of personal ads over the last few years, and it trips me out how people of both sexes spend so much time worrying about looks. My pet peeve is all the cute women out there who say very specifically that they will not date a man unless he is at least 6 feet tall. I feel sorry for them, but it does not surprise me if they are in their forties and fifties and still can't find a good husband.

Finally, I have to wonder about some of the folks on this board, whether they actually meet people and go on dates. I really have scratched my head upon reading the ridiculous post by the person who asked if black men preferred pear shaped women. Black men, just like white men and any other kind of men, will date women of all shapes and sizes.

And now I will get back to my regularly scheduled life.



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Old 04-30-2014, 10:48 PM   #224
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Originally Posted by CurvaceousBBWLover View Post
I have to wonder what goes on in the minds of some of these women though. I have found that some white women actually bring up the racial thing on the first date and try to figure out why you are dating them. We live in a Nutty country when it comes to race.

I do not believe in racial boundaries. I never have. I will date any type of woman except an asshole.




Well... I have found BBW of various groups bring up the race question - but, in life anything can happen...


Quote:
Originally Posted by CurvaceousBBWLover View Post
I think your sample size is limited. Black, Hispanic, Latino, Middle Eastern and Indian men like BBWs.
I do date pear shaped BBWs but I do not prefer them over other fat women. Looks are negotiable with me as long as I like the woman's personality.

Just only means that there has to be some trait or (combination of traits) that will draw you to that person



Quote:
Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
all of that would be wrong in a dating context where you are speaking to a person of the same race about another race since anybody can be the target of some kind of prejudice.

in the spirit of honesty and openness why not just ask them generally about their attitudes toward race period? but people can often date folks of different races and hold a prejudice anyway. i'm still trying to figure out what you think would gotten out of it.

again why would you need to know specifically who they date racially? what kinds of questions do you think that would answer?

it's not an extreme to bring Nazism into this because there were a lot of "good" German people who would have thought it was perfectly okay to determine if someone were Jewish--even if they weren't a practicing Jew in order to exclude or separate them from the rest of society somehow. many europeans viewed Jews as some kind of wealthy sexual animal who lived in ghettos. Brahms Stoker even patterned Dracula after the sexualized Jewish stereotype. Gustav Mahler went to in Austria, where he was often portrayed as a monkey in the regular media even though he was a recognized musical genius. the things that happened later could never have occurred if more people had acted as though that type of prejudice was unacceptable from the beginning and kept to that. so when extremely radical racial ideas were presented to people under stress, like a bad war ravaged economy, they didn't have such a huge leap to make when choosing a scapegoat. there should be no tolerance for intolerance because it can morph into something else very quickly as we have seen all over the world for centuries. i know i'm not going to accept it.
Well what one considers appropriate or not OR what is in the spirit of Honesty or NOT - is what others have said a matter of context. This is your view of things and at the end of the day Others have their view - that's life.....

I'm curious to the point of bringing Nazism into the mix- is this something you are searching for ....
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Old 04-30-2014, 11:55 PM   #225
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It is all about the fear of the big black penis. Men have asked if I prefer larger penises. They know that asking me a racist question would be very stupid. Shit, they need to worry about the non-Black men with huge penises.
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