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Old 05-28-2014, 06:34 AM   #1
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Default Revealing stories?

Do you have a story, anecdote, experience, or even quip that you feel really sums up a lot of who you are? Perhaps in a lot of different situations you’ve pulled it out (or at least thought of it) as an illustration of how you operate. Maybe it is your parents or friends who keep bringing it up, to explain you to others. If so, please share! Maybe it will help us see you in a different way, or perhaps just make us smile and go “Yep, that sounds like the {name} we know and love around here.

I have two that keep coming up for me, which I’ve no doubt mentioned before given all the years I’ve been posting here.

1. The first one is more of a quip “I met my wife in our University debating club. If you want to understand our conversational style, remember that there was bonus points for high quality heckling.”

2. The second is an anecdote/story. At recess in kindergarten, my classmates started playing “Train,” where one person would declare themselves to be an engine and others would join them (conga line style) as the cars, and then the engine would 'drive' around the playground, usually eventually getting silly and making it hard for the cars to hold on. Something about this game made me uncomfortable….until I came up with a brilliant (to me) idea—I declared myself to be a booster engine. I’d help the engine pull the train around, but I could split off--whenever I wanted--to do my own thing, on my own or with some of the cars. Some others started declaring themselves to be booster engines too. Soon the train game died out and we went on to play more interesting (to me) games.

I hope some of the rest of you will add your own stories!
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Old 05-28-2014, 06:44 AM   #2
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I was dating a guy for about 4 months. We had an elaborate date day planned on our mutual day off - lunch at a nice restaurant, a hike and a movie. He called me that morning and said, "Esther, I know this is a long shot, but I gotta ask... my buddy just gave me a ticket for Slayer tonight in Toronto. I'd have to scrap our whole plan today to go with him. What are the odds you won't hate me if I go?"
My response was, "IT'S SLAYER. Please go."
He declared me a keeper on that day.
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Old 05-28-2014, 12:28 PM   #3
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Off the top of my head two things from uni sum me up pretty well.

I don't remember what I had said previous to this because frankly, I say a lot of dumb things but one of friends from uni declared me 'the dumbest smart person they had ever met'. I feel that sums me up pretty well!

The other thing that comes to mind is probably something that doesn't come across too well online, which is my sense of humour. I still get the two sentences from this anecdote quoted at me by my uni friends! First off, somebody held a door open for me and said 'ladies first' and for some reason I responded by saying 'I'm not a lady, you go first!" and stopping on the spot. My friend thought this was so hilarious he told my boyfriend at the time that I wasn't a lady. Cue bickering about my female-ness until I eventually shouted at the top of my lungs 'if you don't shut up I'm going to get my tits out!' in the middle of the biology department car park.

I think those two quotes/anecdotes probably sum up my randomness and bizarre sense of humour that people either get or stare blankly at me!
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Old 05-28-2014, 01:52 PM   #4
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I poisoned my housemates, once.
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Old 05-28-2014, 03:51 PM   #5
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I poisoned my housemates, once.
That's the Melian we know and love!
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Old 05-28-2014, 04:05 PM   #6
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I was staying I Italy and got very drunk and passed out on the toilet, the boyfriend of one of the other students I was staying with apparently carried me into my bed. His gf said ought I not to apologise and my reply was a spontaneous one 'how can you apologise for something you don't remember doing'

The other not so much an anecdote but I have survived having a stroke and also escaped domestic violence so that says a lot about me.
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Old 05-28-2014, 05:32 PM   #7
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I don't know if it's particularly revealing, but I have an anecdote about an anecdote, within an anecdote. Anecdote Inception, if you will.

I used to teach a class in 3d animation at a local career school, and lucky me, I scored an apartment in a house not a block away.

So one Friday afternoon, the class is having a work period. I'd often put a movie on the class flat screen to talk cinematography and film theory while they worked. That day I was dissecting Tarantino's 'Reservoir Dogs'.

In the movie, Mr. Orange tells an anecdote about how, after buying a large quantity of drugs, he stops in a public toilet only two find four cops and a dog in there. It turns out they were just using the facilities and talking. One cop is telling an anecdote about a clueless driver he pulled over. Mr. Orange, despite having the drugs on him and the dog freaking out at his presence, plays it cool, does his business, washes up and leaves, none of them the wiser.

This happens to be the last scene we watch as class is over for the day. Everyone packs up and heads out for the weekend. So minutes after watching this, I'm walking up to the parking lot of my place. I turn the corner fence and see four cops and a dog standing in the driveway, talking. Exactly like the movie.

For a second, I'm frozen. The surrealness of the moment has me unable to process. I think I'm dreaming. They stop and notice me.
The only I can come up with to say is "I live here", still kind of spaced out.

The cop with the dog says "Hello sir. There was a robbery up the street and we tracked the suspect to this apartment" as he motions to the upstairs apartment. "I see. Is it Ok if I go into mine?" I ask.
They all look at each other and the cop is like "Suuuure... but you may want to stay in there for the next little while, out of the way."

I unlock the door, and go into my place.
A minute later, two cop cars shop up. I hear the 6 or 7 of them thunder up the stairs to the top floor, announce their presence and breach the door. Over the next hour I listen to them stomping around, searching the place as I'm sitting there, eating a pizza roll and watching a cartoon. They eventually leave with some boxes and I watch them drive away.

That second I get a call from my sister who asks if there was anything interesting happening with me. I just say "I don't even..." and leave it at that.
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Old 05-28-2014, 06:06 PM   #8
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I poisoned my housemates, once.
Only once? Don't be coy, we're all friends here.
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Old 05-28-2014, 06:06 PM   #9
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A very good mate of mine said " Aiden, how is it this time last week we were in a London club with a pocket full of cash and had a great night, and this week we had £10 between us, and we still find ourselves in a club some how now with a poket full of cash having a great night?"
No idea was my answer.

3 weeks later we phoned work sick after a big night out, an flew to Berlin for 3 days.

He then referred to the question he asked me before and said its simple, I make bad ideas seem like good ideas, then make them great ideas.

I like that.
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Old 05-28-2014, 07:20 PM   #10
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Alright, I'll bite.

I found out from my mother a few years ago that when I was a toddler I was in love with cookies (still to this day actually). She discovered my love by discovering my hidden treasure trove.

She said she couldn't figure out how she would put me to bed, bathed and clean, only to have me wake up in the morning with crumbs all over my mouth and clothes. She changed my bedding, and found that under my mattress, in the corner next to the wall, there was a stash of cookies. Seems whenever she would give me one, I'd run to my room and hide it.

Cookie Monster is not just a pet name.
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Old 05-28-2014, 07:58 PM   #11
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There is a mental hospital in the town I live in, the same town I grew up in...and when my friends and I were dumb teenagers we used to get high and drive back in there at night (before they had gates) and creep each other out pretending like we were going to see some crazy shit.

So one time I'm driving through the grounds and I have 4 of my friends in the car with me, all baked. We drive past a building and there's a light on in a window on the second floor, we stop and were looking up at the window from the car and we see a guy sitting in a wheelchair with his back facing the window. Standing in front of him is a orderly in a white uniform and he is swinging his arm at the guy and every time he swings the guy in the wheelchair is bouncing backwards and his body is flailing. And we sat there watching in complete shock!!'

HOLY SHIT THEY BEAT PATIENTS!!! Ahhhhhh!

Were all losing it, freaking out and scared and I pull the car up a little bit farther to get a better look and my friend says...

"aww man they're just playing ping pong".
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Old 05-29-2014, 06:51 AM   #12
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I once accidentally committed identity fraud.

My debit card had been losing its magnetism for a while, and finally gave out in a small neighbourhood store. The woman behind the counter took out her bank card and tried it, to make sure it wasn’t the store’s card reader at fault. I then walked over to my bank and ordered a replacement card. They processed the order and gave me a temporary card to use until the new one arrived in the mail. I tried it on the ATM at the bank and the account opened, but it wasn’t mine. I realized I’d picked up the bank card of the woman at the store (who used the same bank), forgetting that I’d already put my own card into my purse. I explained to the bank, had a new temporary card reissued for her (as they’d already cut hers up) and went back to the store where she’d gone off shift but I was able to leave it at the counter, along with my apologies.

The oddest thing was that the bank teller had failed to say anything when a *really* stereotypically white-looking person had brought in a card with a Korean name; I don’t know if he just didn’t look at the name, or if I look so innocent he thought “Oh, there’s probably some reasonable explanation. Maybe she’s adopted.” In which case I may have missed my calling as a con artist.
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Old 05-29-2014, 12:06 PM   #13
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I have a few, and none are particularly flattering. But they probably sum me up decently as a person.

1. Once upon a time, I was walking around campus buildings at night and snagged a few latex gloves off one of the janitor's carts. Because the individual I was with at the time was curious about - there's no dainty way to convey it - being finger-banged up the ass.

So the first time, because I'm too cheap to buy lube when there's perfectly good household supplies around, I used some olive oil. And it worked just fine. The second time around I was out of olive oil. But no worries! Because I had a can of Pam. I thought this was a great idea, as it'd spray on easily and everything. Except it's also loaded with alcohol, which burns something terrible. I nearly died laughing at the immediate discomfort, and had to calm myself down before I could help...uh...wipe out the Pam.

~

2. I was tasked with holding an extra credit session for my Ethics class last semester. All I had to do was guide some discussion based on material we talked about in class. We ended up debating the merits of...population control. I was beaming with pride.

3. And on another academic note, I spent one night furiously working on an assignment, stressing out about it crazily, and eventually turning it in via email with a note apologizing for it being late. My professor responded saying that I was actually a day early. I emailed back telling him the assignment was so disorienting I forgot what day it was

4. And finally - sometimes when I did laundry on campus, I'd encounter the ever-so-annoying problem of all the machines being full, but some being finished. As in, the person didn't come back in a timely manner to take their clothing from the washer and put it in the dryer. I always felt too guilty at the prospect of taking their wet clothes out and just sticking them on the table. So I'd put the loads of clothes in dryers, and leave little notes as to which dryer their clothing was in. Even still, I'd feel like I was doing something terrible as I removed the clothes from the washers...
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Old 05-29-2014, 04:43 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Amaranthine View Post
1. Once upon a time, I was walking around campus buildings at night and snagged a few latex gloves off one of the janitor's carts. Because the individual I was with at the time was curious about - there's no dainty way to convey it - being finger-banged up the ass.

So the first time, because I'm too cheap to buy lube when there's perfectly good household supplies around, I used some olive oil.
I'm not sure what it says about that my first concern upon reading this was "No, don't do that! Oils break down latex!"
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Old 05-29-2014, 05:23 PM   #15
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Amaranthine, I was not expecting the words, finger banged. I giggled and now have coffee flowing from my nose and in my beard.
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Old 05-29-2014, 05:33 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Amaranthine View Post
I have a few, and none are particularly flattering. But they probably sum me up decently as a person.

1. Once upon a time, I was walking around campus buildings at night and snagged a few latex gloves off one of the janitor's carts. Because the individual I was with at the time was curious about - there's no dainty way to convey it - being finger-banged up the ass.

So the first time, because I'm too cheap to buy lube when there's perfectly good household supplies around, I used some olive oil. And it worked just fine. The second time around I was out of olive oil. But no worries! Because I had a can of Pam. I thought this was a great idea, as it'd spray on easily and everything. Except it's also loaded with alcohol, which burns something terrible. I nearly died laughing at the immediate discomfort, and had to calm myself down before I could help...uh...wipe out the Pam.
I like you enough to let you out Pam in my butthole.
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I'm not sure what it says about that my first concern upon reading this was "No, don't do that! Oils break down latex!"
I'd let you put Pam in my butthole too.
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Amaranthine, I was not expecting the words, finger banged. I giggled and now have coffee flowing from my nose and in my beard.
You can watch.
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Old 05-29-2014, 06:36 PM   #17
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I like you enough to let you out Pam in my butthole.

I'd let you put Pam in my butthole too.

You can watch.
Thats very kind of you. What's Pam... I had a crush on a girl called Pam at school... She never put anything in my butt. I think back then she could have put a tarantula covered in razorblades in there and I'd have been OK with it.

Have we derailed this thread, somebody save us.
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Old 05-30-2014, 12:21 AM   #18
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I'm not sure what it says about that my first concern upon reading this was "No, don't do that! Oils break down latex!"
Heh, luckily for him, my fingers are (unfortunately) impotent.


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Amaranthine, I was not expecting the words, finger banged. I giggled and now have coffee flowing from my nose and in my beard.
I certainly hope it was cool coffee, at least! That happened to me once with an apple, and it was the fucking worst. Pam is a spray on, non-stick cooking oil kinda deal.
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Old 05-30-2014, 02:52 AM   #19
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Pam is a cooking spray Or butthole lubricant apparently, depending on level of desperation.
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Old 05-30-2014, 05:07 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by Amaranthine View Post
Heh, luckily for him, my fingers are (unfortunately) impotent.




I certainly hope it was cool coffee, at least! That happened to me once with an apple, and it was the fucking worst. Pam is a spray on, non-stick cooking oil kinda deal.
I'm a constant nose load blower. Cottage pie or milk being the worst. Milk made me look like I'd been to a very specific party, and I was the guest of honour. The coffee was hot.

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Originally Posted by WhiteHotRazor View Post
Pam is a cooking spray Or butthole lubricant apparently, depending on level of desperation.
"I've only got Pam"
"I don't care, I need fingers in my butt now"
"Well OK"
*sprays*

"I immediately regret this decision"
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Old 05-30-2014, 05:46 AM   #21
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As a child I was afraid of riding bikes (ok, I still have a bicycle phobia), so I had one of those ones that's just a seat, pedals, and back wheel that attached to the back of my dad's bike, because when you're little if dad is there nothing can possibly go wrong. We'd be biking down the road and if I saw a wooly bear caterpillar trying to cross the road I'd make my dad stop and pick it up so it wouldn't get run over. My dad would then bike home with a caterpillar crawling up his arm so I could safely put it either in the yard or one of the house plants.
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Old 05-30-2014, 12:58 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by biglynch View Post
"I've only got Pam"
"I don't care, I need fingers in my butt now"
"Well OK"
*sprays*

"I immediately regret this decision"
But...butt...wait... it's buttery flavored!
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Old 06-02-2014, 03:09 AM   #23
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The sad thing is, most of my revealing stories are from when I was a tiny.

1. At around 6, I *insisted on attending our family Christmas get-together wearing my mother’s shiny silver maxi skirt as a strapless dress. I put an alice band around my waist to keep it in place, and it still trailed a bit behind me. I kept tripping over it the whole night, but I didn’t care.

2. Then somewhere between age 8-10 I had ‘founded a company,’ and I would ‘chair meetings’ after school with my dolls, that were mostly makeshift ones I manufactured using mops, coat hangers, dolls’ heads, old clothes, etc. I was a shitty nightmare of a CEO. Open door policy? Nuh-uh. I have a few others from around that time, but you get the picture. I’ve lost a lot of that little diva, most of which I really wouldn’t mind getting back.

3. Fast forward to just over a decade, I’m on my first date with a guy who’s completely blind. We’re going out to eat, he’s holding onto my arm and I’m leading him. I fail to see a rather thick low-hanging branch that was just out of *my way and I lead him into it face first Despite my profuse apologies, the first thing he asks as soon as we get to the restaurant is..... “Do you think they sell guide dogs here by any chance?"
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Old 06-02-2014, 03:53 AM   #24
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3. Fast forward to just over a decade, I’m on my first date with a guy who’s completely blind. We’re going out to eat, he’s holding onto my arm and I’m leading him. I fail to see a rather thick low-hanging branch that was just out of *my way and I lead him into it face first Despite my profuse apologies, the first thing he asks as soon as we get to the restaurant is..... “Do you think they sell guide dogs here by any chance?"
Hahaha, I am sorry but that really made me laugh! It sounds so much like something I would do! I feel sorry for both of you in that situation but I have lost track of the number of times I have walked under something and then someone behind me has smacked right into it!
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Old 06-02-2014, 05:00 AM   #25
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The sad thing is, most of my revealing stories are from when I was a tiny.
Hahaha, I love number 2. Now that you mention it, quite a few of the telling stories I can think of come from my childhood as well:
  1. I was an unbelievably shy kid, and I still have vivid memories of my first day at Kindergarten. When I looked in the classroom and saw all of those other kids I was seriously petrified. My parents literally had to force me into the class, and I wasn't happy about it. I'm still a pretty shy person even today (I don't care much for big crowds), so it continues to hold true -- albeit to a considerably lesser extent.

    Looking back at that same year, I also realize that vanity was a concept I learned fairly early. I remember getting ready for school one day and having this tuft of hair on the back of my head that just wouldn't go down. I tried everything but nothing would fix it. This concerned me so much that I begged my brother (who was taking us to school that day) to let me stay home until I could fix it but that wasn't happening. As I reluctantly went into class, all the while trying to conceal my 5 year old shame, I suddenly got the brilliant idea of using a pair of those shitty safety scissors to cut off the offending tuft. Unfortunately for me, my situational awareness wasn't quite as developed as my sense of vanity, and I was soon spotted and reported to the teacher. All I can remember after that was crying in front of everyone as I held the teacher's waste . As far as how that experience relates to me today... well, I'm not a vain person, but I still fucking hate it when my hair doesn't do what I want (which, considering how frizzy it gets sometimes, is often.)

  2. I also had this strange obsession with wanting to be a scientist/inventor as a kid (around the 8-10 age range, I think.) I'm not sure what spurred this on, but everyday after school, I would gather up any and every seemingly useful household utility or toy I could find (like silly straws, random plastic tubes, vacuum cleaner pieces, various assortments of building blocks, etc) and I would try to create "something." I never had any idea of what that something was going to be or do, but I was hell bent on making it happen. After a long afternoon of essentially accomplishing nothing, I'd always show my "finished" creation to my dad when he got home from work, and try to play it off like I actually managed to do something, haha. He was always a great sport about it and it motivated me to try again the next day.

    Fast forward to today, I'm certainly no inventor, but I do really enjoy putting computers together and feeling rewarded when they power on. I've always loved messing with the hardware-side of things, more so than software, and if I thought I could handle the math involved I might have considered getting into engineering instead of what I'm doing now.

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Hahaha, I am sorry but that really made me laugh! It sounds so much like something I would do! I feel sorry for both of you in that situation but I have lost track of the number of times I have walked under something and then someone behind me has smacked right into it!
This, I can also relate to .
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