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Old 06-19-2014, 03:11 PM   #1
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Default Meeting an FFA's parents?

Just curious for those who have been there--introducing your BHM boyfriend to parents, or being the guy being introduced, what have your experiences been? Any good stories out of it, or have parents been pretty accepting?

Of for those who haven't been through this, what are your hopes, fears, and expectations around it?

(I never really got to full BHM size, and certainly wasn't when I first met my wife's parents, so I have nothing on this one from a personal perspective).
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Old 06-19-2014, 03:28 PM   #2
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Talking

My first girlfriend was Italian and her family was unbelievably good. Her mother was a great cook and used to fill me up on sausages and pasta. Italian families i think seem to embrace bigger guys. Sure she would tease me a bit, but was meant in a nice way. Her dad was a real nice guy too.

the second parents i would refrain from comment. I cant say anything nice.
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Old 06-19-2014, 04:22 PM   #3
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I'm a little nervous about this. My boyfriend is meeting my parents in August and he's the first real BHM I've dated. I don't think they'd be rude or anything but they do occasionally make comments about people in public and drive me crazy harping about my weight (I'm 5'2" and at my heaviest I was 135). And because all the pictures I have of us together are selfies they've only seen pictures of him from the shoulders up, which I mean you can tell he's a big guy in the pictures still, but it's not the same.
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Old 06-19-2014, 04:54 PM   #4
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I dread this. My mom would be fine - my dad...wouldn't insult someone to their face, I don't think.

Back in high school, I started dating someone who was probably just shy of 200lbs, and I heard my dad making comments to my mom about him. They hated him overall, though, so that surely didn't help.

They may have figured out the last person I was dating, or at least realized I was close to them - and I got a very indirect weight-related comment there. I know for sure my Dad would think I was insane if I brought someone of my ideal size range home. I assume he'd just not talk to them, and then make comments to my mom.

The only relationships of mine they've been aware of since HS were the ones that got mentioned on FB - and both of those were extremely brief/not worthwhile. Considering I'm not concerned about marriage or starting a family...I'm pretty okay with the cowardly, passive method of avoiding the problem altogether.
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Old 06-19-2014, 05:51 PM   #5
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I feel rather lucky in this regard.....although......after the way I was dumped by my ex-husband, I'm a little reluctant to introduce any man to my parents.

But, back to the question at hand. They are both fully aware of my FFAism, and so is my brother. My dad wouldn't care about anyone's weight. My mom may very likely say something like "I know you have a fondness for chubby guys, but....that's a little too much though, don't you think?"

I have gotten that in the past and, not to sound rude, but I would only let her get away with a comment like that about a particular person once. I know it'd stem from concern - for everyone - and a general fear of societal scorn. But she knows better than to keep pushing the issue once I've shown her that I'm not prepared to feel bad about being with said person. She also won't think any less of someone for his weight. I don't think a potential partner of mine will be made to experience any tensions or subtle disapproval because of his size
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Old 06-19-2014, 06:59 PM   #6
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Just the thought of this scenario playing out has always intimidated the living shit out of me. I've always been kind of old school in the sense that I want parents to like me, and it bothers me to think that I could do everything right, but still not get their blessing simply because of my body type.

If and when that day comes, I'll do what needs to be done of course (and hope for the best), but I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't truly disappoint me to feel isolated or possibly even looked at with contempt by her family; especially when it's for reasons that are largely irrational/unjustified.
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Old 06-19-2014, 08:37 PM   #7
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A story to give you some hope--years ago, I was nervous about introducing my 400+ pound boyfriend (at the time) to my grandmother, because she was obsessed with weight. She was always on a diet, and often chided me about getting fat. So I wasn't sure what she'd say about meeting this huge guy. But after they were introduced, as soon as he walked away, she watched him go, then pointed at his back and stage-whispered to me, "VERY handsome," and never said a word about his weight. Such a pleasant surprise!
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Old 06-20-2014, 01:57 AM   #8
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Well my mother and my ex never actually met but they spoke online a few times and through creeping on my laptop screen she had actually seen him shirtless a couple of times. My ex was about 5'7 and 450 lbs, so a big guy. My mother would make comments to me sometimes but she harps on about my weight so I just ignored her. She never said anything to him about it the times she did talk to him, though to be honest she was never that fond of him in general due to the way he treated me at times, which is understandable.

My other 'parent' figure would be my sister and she couldn't care less if I brought home the equivalent of a mountain as long as he treated me properly. She is protective but physical appearance doesn't even enter her radar.

...I've never had the chance to actually invite a guy to my house though....
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Old 06-20-2014, 09:11 AM   #9
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Some of your parents sound like really gross people.
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Old 06-23-2014, 10:25 AM   #10
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My parents would NEVER, EVER even think of being the way some of you're describing. They're VERY welcoming and don't have presets for who they approve and disapprove of. (unless you have a tattoo of a swastika on your forehead - they're not very down with that, but they will still be cordial). My sisters and I have lifelong friends that have great relationships with my parents. We're fortunate.

I feel bad for you all.
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Old 06-23-2014, 10:27 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by Surlysomething View Post
My parents would NEVER, EVER even think of being the way some of you're describing. They're VERY welcoming and don't have presets for who they approve and disapprove of. (unless you have a tattoo of a swastika on your forehead - they're not very down with that, but they will still be cordial). My sisters and I have lifelong friends that have great relationships with my parents. We're fortunate.

I feel bad for you all.
That's because you're Canadian. Everything Canadian is better.

How's your sister by the way
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Old 06-23-2014, 10:32 AM   #12
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True.

And which one? Haha


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That's because you're Canadian. Everything Canadian is better.

How's your sister by the way
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Old 06-23-2014, 11:57 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by Surlysomething View Post
My parents would NEVER, EVER even think of being the way some of you're describing. They're VERY welcoming and don't have presets for who they approve and disapprove of. (unless you have a tattoo of a swastika on your forehead - they're not very down with that, but they will still be cordial). My sisters and I have lifelong friends that have great relationships with my parents. We're fortunate.

I feel bad for you all.
^^ This.
My parents are rad. They'd never be shits to any man I brought home who treats me right.
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Old 06-23-2014, 12:09 PM   #14
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True.

And which one? Haha
The one you say is bad for me :P
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Old 06-23-2014, 12:17 PM   #15
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The first time I met, what I would consider my first serious girlfriend's, parents was pretty great.

I had already spoken to her father on the phone and exchanged messages on bookface. Meeting them in person was lovely.

I love them like my own family even though the relationship is no longer. I do have a wonderful friendship with the ex-girlfriend, and a wonderful friendship with her father, who I think is one of the funniest people I know.
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Old 06-23-2014, 12:47 PM   #16
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Man,What's that like? I have one ex gf I talk to and it took me years to be able to do so. She also happens to work at bar that I frequent. I think it also helps that her life sucks and her boyfriend is a loser. (I'm all for karmic vengeance) Generally all my breakups end with them hating me or me wishing they'd get hit by a random swinging anvil.
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Old 06-23-2014, 01:26 PM   #17
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He makes me laugh a lot too. Good peoples.

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her father, who I think is one of the funniest people I know.
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Old 06-23-2014, 03:31 PM   #18
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My parents were always weird about it. They were never rude to any of my boyfriends, that's for sure, more of a playful teasing but that's not the point. They always told me I can do better and they just couldn't understand the fact that I like it. When I was younger even my brother was weird about it. They tried to send me to psychologist, told me it can be treated and shit like this. I'm pretty sure they fully understood that I like fat when I stated dating one guy who was 500lbs. Oh and they also said that I date fat guys to be cool and different. Luckily I never cared or shared any deep bound with anyone but my grandma and even tho she hates fat ppl she was always supportive as long as the guy was good to me.

Now everyone is finally ok with it. Few weeks ago I met my brother and around 15 of his male friends and as they stared askig if I'm single and stuff he shut them up saying I only date really fat guys. That was really cute actually 😁 as for my parents they are ok with it now and I'm really having a great period in life. Everyone around me know what I like and even when my housemates are teasing me I know they are and will be extremely nice to Kuba and all the fat guys I bring home 😁
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Old 06-24-2014, 05:33 AM   #19
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Sorry to read the rough stories, but great to see some good ones, too.

I've always wondered if, in broad strokes, male and female FA would face different reactions to their preferences. Obviously differences in families would be the dominant issue over all, which is all I can really see here. I suppose you'd need a lot larger sample with more detailed questions to start picking out any trends (differences or lack thereof).

My experiences in this general area are more as a male FA, and at that my wife was reasonably thin when we first met, but was into plus sizes by the time we married. I did get a quiet word or two from my mom, before we were engaged, suggesting that maybe I should broaden my experience (she was my first serious girlfriend) but the real implication was that they thought I could do better, and this only really came up as she got heavier.

But then, not too long after we got married, she lived with them for three months while on a work placement as part of her master's degree, and after that they were converts, and quite willing to defend her size (sadly I think they just decided that she was a 'good fattie' who was active and ate well, without losing their overall prejudice). Still, I think this is so often the key, once you get to know somebody as a person you stop seeing them just as their most obvious external features, or something like that.

Anyway, I hope more people will chime in
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Old 06-24-2014, 07:50 AM   #20
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She's still a hot mess.

Damn, I love that girl.


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Old 06-24-2014, 08:24 AM   #21
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~Snip~
Still, I think this is so often the key, once you get to know somebody as a person you stop seeing them just as their most obvious external features, or something like that.

Anyway, I hope more people will chime in
So much this!

One other possible factor - if the folks are aware of an FA's preference - is that they might have some FA myth-concerns. My mom brought one of those up, and if she hadn't I would have been oblivious.

She once straight-up told me "I'm afraid you're attracted to big guys because you think skinnier men are incapable of being genuinely caring people and treating you well. You know being chubby doesn't automatically make a guy a non-asshole, right?"

We had a good talk, and it led to her realising that my attraction wasn't based on that at all. I will never forget how her eyes widened when she realised it's really just a sexual and romantic attraction my brain and I refuse to try to 'overcome'. It wasn't like bad eye-widening. It seemed more like she was thinking "Oh wow. That really happens? You genuinely are just.... attracted to them, huh." It was a really great moment. Think it brought us both some relief.
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Old 06-24-2014, 08:36 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by ODFFA View Post
So much this!

One other possible factor - if the folks are aware of an FA's preference - is that they might have some FA myth-concerns. My mom brought one of those up, and if she hadn't I would have been oblivious.

She once straight-up told me "I'm afraid you're attracted to big guys because you think skinnier men are incapable of being genuinely caring people and treating you well. You know being chubby doesn't automatically make a guy a non-asshole, right?"

We had a good talk, and it led to her realising that my attraction wasn't based on that at all. I will never forget how her eyes widened when she realised it's really just a sexual and romantic attraction my brain and I refuse to try to 'overcome'. It wasn't like bad eye-widening. It seemed more like she was thinking "Oh wow. That really happens? You genuinely are just.... attracted to them, huh." It was a really great moment. Think it brought us both some relief.
I have no doubt in my mind that she is looking forward to meeting me.
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Old 06-24-2014, 08:55 AM   #23
Esther
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Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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I believe that my family is aware of my preference (it must be obvious due to the type of guys I bring home) but not one of them has said anything about it besides my younger sister. They're all too weirded out by the thought of family members having sex or being sexually attracted to anyone/thing at all to make a peep. It's like a "Don't know, don't wanna know," thing. To be perfectly honest, I am creeped out by that shit too and NEVER talk to my siblings about sex/preferences. I can't be the only one with a family like this?!
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Old 06-24-2014, 08:55 AM   #24
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WhiteHotRazor has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!WhiteHotRazor has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!WhiteHotRazor has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!WhiteHotRazor has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!WhiteHotRazor has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!WhiteHotRazor has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!WhiteHotRazor has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!WhiteHotRazor has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!WhiteHotRazor has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!WhiteHotRazor has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!WhiteHotRazor has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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I just don't get why this is such a big deal. No pun intended.
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Old 06-24-2014, 09:01 AM   #25
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Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Esther has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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I think it's a bigger deal for most parents when the person you're bringing home is very big, or if you are the very big person being brought home.
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