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Old 06-27-2014, 02:08 PM   #1
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Default Your identity

Is being an FA a significant part of your overall identity? Has its significance changed over the years in either direction?
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Old 06-27-2014, 02:38 PM   #2
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Not really. But then I tend to improvise my identity from moment to moment...
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Old 06-27-2014, 03:08 PM   #3
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I don't identify as an FA. I like what I like, and that's as far as it goes. It's not central to my core being, it's not like gender identity or sexual identity. It's a preference.
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Old 06-27-2014, 04:27 PM   #4
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For me it is a preference. But preferences change. My wife is losing weight, so I am adjusting to that and changing with her. I've come to realize I prefer a certain person more so than a body type. With that said, if I had to start from scratch, (God forbid that day ever comes) I'd probably pursue a BBW or SSBBW . All other factors equal, I still prefer the extra weight.
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Old 06-27-2014, 06:03 PM   #5
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I don't identify as an FA. I like what I like, and that's as far as it goes. It's not central to my core being, it's not like gender identity or sexual identity. It's a preference.
I have to agree with this with regard to myself.
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Old 06-28-2014, 03:33 AM   #6
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My wife is losing weight, so I am adjusting to that and changing with her. I've come to realize I prefer a certain person more so than a body type.
How it is even possible? I believe preference is hardwired. Do you enjoy your sex like it was before?
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Old 06-28-2014, 06:08 AM   #7
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How it is even possible? I believe preference is hardwired. Do you enjoy your sex like it was before?
I do. I think preference is hard wired too, but it can change. I've been married for a little over 8 years now. Some things have become more important to me than my wife's physical appearance. Her happiness and confidence in herself is important as well. That she is accomplishing something she has tried but failed to do for years is important.

Our sex life is as good as ever, too. Without going too deep into details, her self image has improved which...uh..."pays dividends" in our sex lives with each other.
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Old 06-28-2014, 01:16 PM   #8
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If a change in your partner's appearance can change your feelings about him/her, then it isn't love.
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Old 06-28-2014, 01:36 PM   #9
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Is being an FA a significant part of your overall identity? Has its significance changed over the years in either direction?
There once was a time I used to be proud of it. Now I am ashamed of it. Not because of my attraction to females, but because of the behavior of others I've met over the years. Not everyone of course, but the vast majority of men and women I've met either in person or over the internet in the past ten years have made me pretty much keep my opinions to myself.

I'd be here all day explaining but I'll leave with one nugget to think about. I've been to more memorial services/wakes for either former ssbbw models or just plain members of the community than I'd like to. Most of the FA's that these women pretty much gave their lives to entertain weren't even there, they had moved on to someone else to jack off too. Meanwhile I'm sitting there looking at one woman's parents sobbing and saying "It was just so sudden" and feeling a combination of sadness and rage because where the supposed "friends" and "fans" that supported her massive eating intake but not her health? THAT'S what I'm ashamed about, these women are dead and I seem to be one of the few that either still remember or care.
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Old 06-28-2014, 02:48 PM   #10
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If a change in your partner's appearance can change your feelings about him/her, then it isn't love.
Love is not sex.
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Old 06-28-2014, 06:10 PM   #11
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Love is not sex.
True. Love is far more important.
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Old 06-28-2014, 09:11 PM   #12
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I'm not sure whether or not to post this in this thread - it is somewhat related to identity - earlier today I was talking with a friend of mine about FA in general - somehow the subject steered towards whether or not part of an attraction of a person of average size prefers someone of larger size due to feeling more secure with them on a physical level, more from the standpoint of an average size male to BBW etc. I'm just wondering others thoughts on this - whether or not it is part of the attraction to some or not?
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Old 06-28-2014, 10:40 PM   #13
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I'm not sure whether or not to post this in this thread - it is somewhat related to identity - earlier today I was talking with a friend of mine about FA in general - somehow the subject steered towards whether or not part of an attraction of a person of average size prefers someone of larger size due to feeling more secure with them on a physical level, more from the standpoint of an average size male to BBW etc. I'm just wondering others thoughts on this - whether or not it is part of the attraction to some or not?
I have an aesthetic attraction to soft and round women. I like the way they look and feel. It doesn't have any deeper meaning than that for me.
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Old 06-30-2014, 03:36 AM   #14
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I have an aesthetic attraction to soft and round women. I like the way they look and feel. It doesn't have any deeper meaning than that for me.
Same here. For me it never had anything to do with feeling secure, or anything like that. Other possible "explanations" I heard over the years was that I suffered from low self esteem and that was why I voluntarily partnered myself with BBWs, or that I lacked confidence in myself despite the fact that I had a few girlfriends who would drive a lot of men crazy to look at before I shifted my efforts entirely to BBWs.

I don't think it was any of that. I just wanted to pursue who I wanted to pursue. Just like any other guy pursuing the kinds of women he wanted to pursue. There literally is no difference save the shape (and size) our preferences take.
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Old 06-30-2014, 02:32 PM   #15
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I have an aesthetic attraction to soft and round women. I like the way they look and feel. It doesn't have any deeper meaning than that for me.
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Same here. For me it never had anything to do with feeling secure, or anything like that. Other possible "explanations" I heard over the years was that I suffered from low self esteem and that was why I voluntarily partnered myself with BBWs, or that I lacked confidence in myself despite the fact that I had a few girlfriends who would drive a lot of men crazy to look at before I shifted my efforts entirely to BBWs.

I don't think it was any of that. I just wanted to pursue who I wanted to pursue. Just like any other guy pursuing the kinds of women he wanted to pursue. There literally is no difference save the shape (and size) our preferences take.
Thank you both for the insight.
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Old 06-30-2014, 03:01 PM   #16
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Thank you both for the insight.
This might vary a little bit depending on gender. Feeling protected and secure certainly isn't the root of my attraction - but it's a pretty nice perk. I love feeling completely enveloped by someone. The contrast is delightful.

As for the original question, I guess I get to be the awkward first person that says it does feel like a significant part of my identity. Without being an FFA, I think I'd be completely content having zero (actually physical) sexual contact for the rest of my life - it'd be on a range of making me very uncomfortable, to merely not being appealing enough to bother pursuing.
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Old 06-30-2014, 03:47 PM   #17
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I am a feeder.
I have had FA inclinations going all the way back to JK/SK.
I was aware that I was attracted to weight gain back in Gr.3
No matter what kink I have, feederism must be a part of it.
No matter how much I may dislike being a feeder (due to limiting factors among other things) it is something that has been wired in there for most of my life.
So yea, I'd say that's pretty much a yes.
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Old 06-30-2014, 05:12 PM   #18
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I have an issue with the whole concept of identity. I think that if I am now, it does not mean I am completely, will stay on that note on the future or was ever like that in the past.

I do like BBW's and SSBBW's, it kind of makes me an FA. But, my current girlfriend is a BBW and I try to support her in her quest to take care of her health. Besides to find sexy as hell a big woman eating with gusto, I feel my duty is to let her know whenever I think she is getting too much, but I don't push her to anything. Perhaps that make me an anti-FA, I don't know.

What I do know is that it is the commitments we do in our life that define identity. To me, being a huge fan of fat women, does not identify me a fat admirer, I prefer to think of myself as a connoisseur of female beauty. In fact, a very kinky one .....
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Old 06-30-2014, 07:16 PM   #19
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If a change in your partner's appearance can change your feelings about him/her, then it isn't love.
This is mostly true but our more base instincts can never be fully controlled.
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Old 07-01-2014, 03:38 AM   #20
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This is mostly true but our more base instincts can never be fully controlled.
Nor do they have to control us. Consider this: You meet the perfect woman who is everything you wish her to be both physically, spiritually, mentally, etc. Then tragedy strikes. Let's say after a few years she is stricken with breast cancer and loses a breast. How do you deal with that? It's ingrained in me to like boobs. I can't help it. I can't force myself not to like them. But what if this were to happen to my wife?

Love can overcome instinct. I believe it whole heartedly. And while I hope nobody here ever has to experience my hypothetical scenario, it is with some sadness I acknowledge thousands do every year. And many face even worse circumstances. Sometimes it's too much for the healthy partner to bear. Some of them simply cannot adjust to the changes. But many are able to.

No, we can't ever fully control our instincts, but we are little more than animals if we let our instincts fully control us.
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Old 07-01-2014, 09:42 AM   #21
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Nor do they have to control us. Consider this: You meet the perfect woman who is everything you wish her to be both physically, spiritually, mentally, etc. Then tragedy strikes. Let's say after a few years she is stricken with breast cancer and loses a breast. How do you deal with that? It's ingrained in me to like boobs. I can't help it. I can't force myself not to like them. But what if this were to happen to my wife?

Love can overcome instinct. I believe it whole heartedly. And while I hope nobody here ever has to experience my hypothetical scenario, it is with some sadness I acknowledge thousands do every year. And many face even worse circumstances. Sometimes it's too much for the healthy partner to bear. Some of them simply cannot adjust to the changes. But many are able to.

No, we can't ever fully control our instincts, but we are little more than animals if we let our instincts fully control us.
I could not have said it better. I agree 100%.
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Old 07-01-2014, 08:20 PM   #22
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There once was a time I used to be proud of it. Now I am ashamed of it. Not because of my attraction to females, but because of the behavior of others I've met over the years. Not everyone of course, but the vast majority of men and women I've met either in person or over the internet in the past ten years have made me pretty much keep my opinions to myself.

I'd be here all day explaining but I'll leave with one nugget to think about. I've been to more memorial services/wakes for either former ssbbw models or just plain members of the community than I'd like to. Most of the FA's that these women pretty much gave their lives to entertain weren't even there, they had moved on to someone else to jack off too. Meanwhile I'm sitting there looking at one woman's parents sobbing and saying "It was just so sudden" and feeling a combination of sadness and rage because where the supposed "friends" and "fans" that supported her massive eating intake but not her health? THAT'S what I'm ashamed about, these women are dead and I seem to be one of the few that either still remember or care.
I am with you here. The last woman I attempted to have a relationship with was a model and a feedee whose weight was literally threatening her life. When it came down to brass tacks, her health dominated my thinking, not my attraction to her. She... dealt with her own problems however, and was not serious about taking the steps necessary to save her life. I could not deal with that so I left her. I could not countenance knowing that my attraction might contribute to her death nor that I could not take action to help her. I am a feeder but I have strong moral opinions on it. For instance, see this link to an article I wrote about Susan Emman.

http://admirer4022.deviantart.com/ar...tand-398630382

As for my attraction being an aspect of my identity, I would say yes. It is not simply a preference, I have never been sexually attracted to a thin woman. It is not my sole attraction, intellectualism, artistry, spirituality and a number of other things play a role but I never reach those aspects without the first initial attraction aspect of curvaceousness. It isn't black and white, there isn't a specific size threshold where BAM, I am all of a sudden attracted to them. The entire range of female curvaceousness is attractive to me but I do most prefer what I guess you could call "mid-size" BBWs. Regardless, my partner's health, well being and self-esteem are of utmost importance to me. Yes, even if those things required them to lose weight to a level of thinness I might not find attractive. I guess it may be different for me, I willingly chose to be celibate for five years but sex, while wonderful, is just not a deal breaker for me.
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Old 07-01-2014, 09:47 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Dromond View Post
I don't identify as an FA. I like what I like, and that's as far as it goes. It's not central to my core being, it's not like gender identity or sexual identity. It's a preference.
Ding ding ding ding. He basically summed it up in one nice, four-sentence paragraph.
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Old 07-02-2014, 05:49 AM   #24
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When I first came to the Dimensions Weight Board, (the original one) I was an FA with feeder tendencies. After meeting others with the passage of time, I was strictly feeder with closeted mutual gaining/feedee tendencies. Evolving over time once more I was a mutual gainer. Presently, I'm in transition to where it appears I'm going back to strictly feeder/FA as a majority of the ultra and ssbbw appear to desire chisled abs/hard body types.
This may just be a phase as I went this route before only to give in, but sensing things may be different this time around.

On another note, I personally have no guilt as far as Feeder/FA is concerned as I've only done so with consent, (also as a muual gainer)knowing the full risks and changes, finances involved when adjusting to lifestyle changes in R/T. Though more than understandable for those who have regret or wish otherwise.
I don't think parents or family who lost loved ones whose bodies gave in to the added toll and strain of obesity would care much for sympathies from admirers whose cash-paying "perversions", helped bring that about in the first place. Then again with consenting adults, we all know of the risks and rewards of falling so deeply to that level.

Last edited by GordoNegro; 07-02-2014 at 05:57 AM. Reason: Added text
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Old 07-02-2014, 07:46 AM   #25
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Iím not so sure whether specifically being an FA is part of my identity, although Iím more inclined to say Ďnoí as I really donít think of that part too often. However I would say that more broadly my feelings around fat are part of my identity. Iíve had Ďwarm fuzziesí toward all things fat from as far back as I can remember, and this was one of the first things I can recall realizing that I differed from other people about (there is something off with the grammar of that sentence, but my brain is too summer-fried right now to try and re-phrase it).

I guess that is really two things. Liking fat is sort of a passive background thing, but it certainly is part of me and how I relate to the world. Knowing that I differ from most others in this regard, because I realized it so young, sort of became the difference that later on I attached to and understood through other differences, emotionally speaking.

So in that regard it is very much part of my identity, because it is wound through the core of my understanding of who I am and how I differ from other people. There are a lot of more important differences that have been added to that understanding later on, but that first identified difference feels like a part of all the rest. I donít know if that makes any senseóthe whole summer-fried brain bit probably isnít helping me articulate this, but it is also hard because it is very much something that I normally just feel, not something that I normally put words around (a lot of my most important thinking is largely non-verbal, and some days it is easier than others to try and translate these thoughts into words)
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