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Old 09-13-2014, 08:03 AM   #26
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To break that fear of rejection or whatever other fear y'all have of women in social situations, I highly recommend getting married. In short order you will learn that chicks are not mystical, angelic creatures, and they are just regular people just like yourself and do all the same bodily functions you do.

Also, one thing I remember my grandpa telling me about women. "Son, no matter how good looking a broad is, somewhere there is someone tired of putting up with her shit." And yes ladies, that sentiment works in reverse too. Like WHR said in his above post, we're all just humans stuck on this rock hurtling g through space. If you wouldn't be intimidated to go up and talk to a strange guy because he had something piquing your interest, then don't be afraid of do the same with a woman.
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Old 09-13-2014, 04:08 PM   #27
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Lol. I didn't know there were any guys your age into middle-aged, married women, but I have to admit the thought is kinda tempting.
"Tempting" Duly noted

Now I have been working on lines for NYC. The best so far is " hello may I have some sex please"

Its catchy, I like it a lot.
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Old 09-13-2014, 04:13 PM   #28
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"Tempting" Duly noted

Now I have been working on lines for NYC. The best so far is " hello may I have some sex please"

Its catchy, I like it a lot.
It is rather pithy and to the point!
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Old 09-18-2014, 11:34 AM   #29
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Have you see E.T.? You dont have to use Recces Pieces, any candy will do, or ever cookies like Oreo's. Find the guy you like, smile right at him, then leave a trail of said candy like item starting right in front of him, all the way to your house.
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Old 09-18-2014, 11:37 AM   #30
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Have you see E.T.? You dont have to use Recces Pieces, any candy will do, or ever cookies like Oreo's. Find the guy you like, smile right at him, then leave a trail of said candy like item starting right in front of him, all the way to your house.
What, no box propped up with a stick and string attached?
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Old 09-18-2014, 12:20 PM   #31
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I was thinking more like a kiddie pool filled with pudding, covered with some palm leaves right in front of the door.
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Old 09-22-2014, 09:54 AM   #32
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I am an FFA in my early twenties and I've only had relationships with thin/muscular guys. Part of this is because I've only dated people who've approached me, meaning I've never been the one to start flirting with someone. I have no idea how to because as a woman I've never needed to or been expected to. The problem is that I'm most attracted to fat guys but none of them have ever approached me. I'm not fully sure why.
So I need advice for how to approach guys. I can't shake the fear that I'm just going to creep them out. I don't really have great social skills in that area. The only place I'd really feel comfortable actively hitting on a guy is at a club or a bar but usually there aren't any fat guys there (aside from douchey looking ex-frat boy type fat guys). In an ordinary situation I think it would seem strange and uncalled for. I think it would be easier if I was a bit more attractive instead of average level attractive. It would make the likelihood of being shot down so much lower.
Responding very belatedly to the original post (not sure if she is still checking back here or not, but whatever).

Most of us are restricted by our pride. We don’t like to look foolish, we don’t want to risk things where the chance of failure are high, and we are especially averse to anything where we are apt to look foolish as we fail. Some people are good at going past this—we all know a few people who are like this in at least some circumstances (although a lot of people get nervous around people like that). But as a rule of thumb, most people most of the time won’t do things where their odds of looking foolish (or of being judged to be looking foolish to some onlookers) are high, and their odds of success are low.

If a random fat guy asks out a random woman, the odds of failure are high and the odds of looking foolish are also high. The more generally ‘desirable’ she is considered, the higher the odds are. “What—HE thinks that he is in HER league? Wow, he has no clue, does he? Doesn’t he realize what a disgusting lard-ass he is?” Of course, the same goes for any guy outside the most desired tranche of society; nerds, short guys, guys with visible disabilities, guys who are poor, and so on, they are all apt to be similarly cautious.

Of course, plenty of these guys end up dating women eventually, so what happens? Well, some get over their worry about shame. Some get good at reading signs. Some have women hit on them. Some get given very clear invitations by women. Some get to know a woman well, to the point where they are confident that it is pretty safe to ask her (that at the least, if she says ‘no’ it was reasonable enough that he won’t look foolish). Some ask out women who they feel are ‘in their league.’ Often there may be some combination of factors. (For what it is worth, I was a pudgy, four-eyed, nerd a the low end of average height. I’d known my wife through a club for a few weeks and she’d been giving me increasingly obvious signs that she would like me to ask her out, but I was still being cautious* when she just ended up putting her arm around my waist at a party and keeping it there for the rest of the evening.....and we’ve been together ever since).

What does that mean for you, if you want BHM to approach you?

First of all, stop wishing you were ‘more attractive.’ If anything it would probably scare them off more, in many cases! You are plenty attractive, I’m sure, and anyway the real key is always attitude. Being ‘more attractive’ would probably mostly get you more attention from the thin guys and jocks that you don’t really want to date, and maybe even more flak when you do date a big guy.

Second, be clear on what you want and don’t want, besides that he be big. Is him being tall important to you? Should he be strong, or do you prefer the more marshmallow type? Do you want a future lawyer, or someone who hang out with you and smoke weed with no plans for tomorrow? Can you stomach fans of professional wrestling? What about gamer nerds? Do you care about religion, cultural group, fluency in English? What is your rough age range? Etc. Because I’m guessing that you don’t crush on all fat guys to the same degree.

Then I strongly suggest figuring out places and times where you can mingle with more guys in that general demographic, some of whom will be fat. Become a familiar face, develop a history of being nice to fat guys, listening to them, being willing to be around them. Be kind and be polite, so that you are not looking like someone who would belittle someone for over-stepping their bounds. Then when you know a guy well enough to think that you two could connect pretty well, by then he should have that idea too, so you can give some signals, some hints, some open invitations (Talk about a new movie that you’d like to go see, a restaurant you’d like to try, ask for help with something….. even if he doesn’t bite the first time, you are building a pattern of suggesting you want to do stuff with him).

Yah, it might sound like a lot of work. Personally, I think relationships generally are a lot of work. Kind of like parenting, education, jobs, or most other things that matter to us in the long run.

* ETA to add: this might be worth noting too. She'd been giving very strong hints, but a sort-of-friend/colleague was clearly interested in her, so I was staying out of his way, giving him the first chance as it were. Why? Hard to describe exactly, but more or less he was taller and thinner, so presumably more attractive, so it would be silly to try and compete with him if he ended up being her type. Fortunately for me, he wasn't. But you may see this with a lot of guys who are not of the generally more desired demographic--a lack of belief that a woman really wants to be with them. If you don't really believe it, you aren't apt to take a lot of action on it. Yes, this makes it harder for FFA. Fortunately as people get older I think some of this tends to fade over time.
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Last edited by Tad; 09-22-2014 at 02:17 PM.
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Old 09-22-2014, 10:17 AM   #33
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Tad eloquently stated the opinion I share about this sort of thing. The tl;dr version is try not to be afraid to approach BHMs, most BHMs will enjoy positive female attention. And BHMs likely don't approach you for fear of being rejected, because it's hard out there for a plump.

Last edited by Treach; 09-22-2014 at 10:19 AM. Reason: I only made half my point.
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Old 09-22-2014, 12:30 PM   #34
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Having grown up with mostly male friends, the amount of "creep" ud have to get on would be pretty high. Like, even if you held up a sign that said "i like you! You are hot!!" They would look behind them to see who you are talking to! Or if you asked them for a drink, they would just think you were being nice.

I concur with what Tad said as well. Unfortunately "league" does matter. As angry as it makes me, my husband regularly asks how he managed to snare me (which i find ridiculous - i put down a cookie and then pounced). I dont think i am good looking but because he is heavier, i am aparently too "hot" for his friends (bull).

I always liked the "bold and no strings attached" approach. Go in, ask em out for dinner with a big smile. If they say yes, booyah! If no, just smile and say "no worries!" And cheerfully walk away. The creepy part is when you appear too nervous...it makes them nervous. And da big boys dont move fast so they spook easier

If you think you are being obvious, you are acting normal. I love tads post, and to his point - sometimes the girl just has to go for broke and be like "yeah, ur mine now, k?"

Besides...if you can get the courage up to ask him out, it will be good practice for when you ask to touch his belly!!
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Old 09-28-2014, 08:46 AM   #35
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We need a smartphone app that FFAs and BHM's can install. It would have a needle display and clicks like a Geiger counter.
Can we get this kickstarted?
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Old 10-14-2014, 03:52 AM   #36
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Being fat for most of your life, like myself, creates a poisonous attitude toward self esteem. I found out that bullies would leave me alone if I made fun of myself before they did. This appeared to other people as 'I don't care what you think of me' but the truth is that I cared so much that I cultivated a defense mechanism bordering on self hate. To this day I can't shut it off and my self deprecation is so ingrained in me that self confidence seems like a pipe dream.

What I mean to say is, a fat guy can appear to be confident but they can actually convince themselves that they're defeated to begin with. Like, they're naturally defeated in a cosmic way. I never approach women unless it's for something entirely platonic because I'm absolutely sure right out of the gate that they're not interested. Why should I appear pathetic going out of my league? Why hurt myself like that? And when everyone's out of my league then what's the point? A number of unfortunate ex-girlfriends who confirmed they weren't attracted to me backs up this false idea to the point that I know it can be false and still automatically feel it. And if these attitudes can happen to me then they can happen to anyone else.

So it may not seem romantic, but pursue him. He's already told himself you're not interested and you need to assure him otherwise.
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Old 11-04-2014, 09:25 PM   #37
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Haven't been on here in forever. I don't know what it is but something about this website seems to really attract pop up ads on my computer.

Anyways thanks all for your advice.I found some of what you said pretty interesting especially what Tad said. I guess the consensus is that if you wanna get a fat guy to date you you're going to have to be the one to ask him out. Which kinda sucks but I'm sure it'll be worth it.

Regarding the specific guy I mentioned, that definitely isn't going to go anywhere. The other day I saw him started talking to him and asked him if was doing anything right then if he wanted to go have coffee with me and catch up (very cliche I know) but he was busy. I should've asked for his umber right then but it didn't occur to me until after. Anyways I've seen him a few other times and overheard him talking to other people and honestly he seems like kind of a bitch. Also he's religious which is incompatible with me.And yes I've creeped on him enough to deduce all of this with some level of certainty.

But you guys inspired me to try hitting on more fat guys in the future. So I was at a bar for my friends birthday and I started flirting with this guy. At first it was going well and he bought me a drink but then my friend came over to say a word to me and by the time she left he was gone. So I'm not sure what went wrong there. But I'll just keep trying until I find someone awesome and attracted to me I guess. I'm getting the sense that it'll take forever but ah well.
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Old 02-03-2016, 01:30 PM   #38
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I've noticed that sometimes when bhm would catch me checking them out, they'd look uncomfortable with it. I think that a lot of bhms assume that attention is negative, like when I was single and would flirt with bhms it would take a bit of time for them to realize what was happening.
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Old 02-03-2016, 01:44 PM   #39
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I've noticed that sometimes when bhm would catch me checking them out, they'd look uncomfortable with it. I think that a lot of bhms assume that attention is negative, like when I was single and would flirt with bhms it would take a bit of time for them to realize what was happening.
When I saw a craigslist ad from an FFA (which was how I discovered they existed at all) I really thought it must be a scam. A good looking woman who only wants guys over 400 lbs? My first thought was that it was some kind of scam, blackmail or catfish as a joke. That seemed way more likely to me at the time than the idea that a conventionally good looking woman would want a fat guy. So, yes if I had been hit on I would have suspected shenanigans. Especially for SS fatties you expect nothing and because you expect no such thing is possible if something does happen you suspect it's fake. Too good to be true.

Kurt Vonnegut always manages to express ideas like this well:
“People talk a lot about all the homosexuals there are to see in Greenwich Village, but it was all the neuters that caught my eye that day. These were my people -- as used as I was to wanting love from nowhere, as certain as I was that almost anything desirable was likely to be booby-trapped.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Deadeye Dick
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Old 02-03-2016, 01:48 PM   #40
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When I saw a craigslist ad from an FFA (which was how I discovered they existed at all) I really thought it must be a scam. A good looking woman who only wants guys over 400 lbs? My first thought was that it was some kind of scam, blackmail or catfish as a joke. That seemed way more likely to me at the time than the idea that a conventionally good looking woman would want a fat guy. So, yes if I had been hit on I would have suspected shenanigans. Especially for SS fatties you expect nothing and because you expect no such thing is possible if something does happen you suspect it's fake. Too good to be true.

Kurt Vonnegut always manages to express ideas like this well:
“People talk a lot about all the homosexuals there are to see in Greenwich Village, but it was all the neuters that caught my eye that day. These were my people -- as used as I was to wanting love from nowhere, as certain as I was that almost anything desirable was likely to be booby-trapped.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Deadeye Dick
I didn't know people looked for those things on Craigslist. Honestly, on occasion I get mistaken for a catfish on sites like these.
That quote is unbelievably true.
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Old 02-03-2016, 01:52 PM   #41
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I didn't know people looked for those things on Craigslist. Honestly, on occasion I get mistaken for a catfish on sites like these.
That quote is unbelievably true.
Well there was this one woman looking. She ended up being an FFA but I never went through with it, there were other issues that mad it seem like a bad idea. It did get me searching for other women like that which was how I found dims and feabie.
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Old 02-03-2016, 01:55 PM   #42
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Well there was this one woman looking. She ended up being an FFA but I never went through with it, there were other issues that mad it seem like a bad idea. It did get me searching for other women like that which was how I found dims and feabie.
At least it opened you up to this wonderful world of ffas. Although just it being on Craigslist seems sketchy to begin with.
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Old 02-03-2016, 02:10 PM   #43
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CL is a great place to look for a used car -- but I don't think I'd use it to find a date.

Mainstream dating sites (i.e. Match or POF) do indeed have a fair few large people on them. It takes a little more work for people in the BBW/FA and BHM/FFA world to find each other but it can be done.

When I was single I'd send a short note to prospective women, some of them would check out my profile, and a few of those would respond. Sad to say but it can be a numbers game. You'll also notice that its the women who have most of the power -- us guys can put ourselves out there -- but its the ladies who make most of the choices.
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Old 02-03-2016, 02:14 PM   #44
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.
That quote is unbelievably true.
That is what I was thinking.

Apparently I need to read more Vonnegut.
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Old 02-03-2016, 03:25 PM   #45
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Apparently I need to read more Vonnegut.
This is true for pretty much everyone.
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Old 02-11-2016, 01:05 PM   #46
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Since most society doesn't appreciate the attraction to larger sizes, it is easier if they other person can approach them, where it can be a somewhat private conversation. That way you won't have to endure snickers or laughing from the thin people.
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Old 02-11-2016, 02:02 PM   #47
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That way you won't have to endure snickers
I was not informed there would be candy involved. Why was I not notified of this?
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Old 02-12-2016, 12:59 PM   #48
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gythaogg View Post
Things are awkward when you keep your focus internal, when you're thinking all about how awkward and weird this is, overanalysing silences, constantly worrying about the impression you create. You can flirt more effectively by externalising your focus, by getting curious about other people and thus being the person who keeps a conversation flowing by asking questions and remarking on connections or interesting things. You have, within you, the mighty power to move beyond awkwardness!
So true, so well said. Keep the focus on them, not you, and the socialising comes much more easily. Especially if you find an interest in common - what did you have in common years ago, when he was smaller? And it need not be deep - a mutual interest in Starbucks coffee is still a mutual interest, enough for an excuse to get together.
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Old 02-15-2016, 09:03 PM   #49
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I echo the sentiment about thinking that girls who are strictly into larger men are either catfishing or looking to wind you up.

It wasn't until much later in life that I discovered that there are some women who are genuinely attracted to larger men. Much of the time, it's not even the "size" in particular that draws them in. They're looking for the manly, bearded, hairy chest guys as that's what they see as masculine.

Ever since growing a beard, I've noticed the female attention spiking. Even at my heaviest, I was never opposed to approaching women. I think being fat actually makes it easier because the people who are disgusted by you are easily weeded out. It makes your pool of potential dates much more targeted.

I'd encourage any fat men out there to approach any woman who you'd like to get to know or at least talk to and take that first step. There's no telling where it could lead. If they treat you badly, then move on. Not every key fits every hole.
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Old 02-24-2016, 09:23 PM   #50
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Wow I see people have revived this post.

Just an update on me from two years after I started this thread. I took everyone's advice and started asking out BHM's on my own. I've gotten loads of rejections or guys who will talk to me for a couple weeks before spontaneously ignoring all my messages.

It's been very opposite of everything the general culture says about fat guys. In my experience they're incredibly picking and impossible to get. I think at least thirty of them have turned me down at this point.

I recently decided to go back to dating thin guys since there are so many of them and they're so much easier. I'm never really physically attracted to them, but I'm hoping I'll find one with a personality I get along with enough to find some degree of attraction. It's worked for other people before right?

Anyways, I think it must at least be a sheer numbers issue, there are a lot less fat guys around than there are thin guys. Though I also think it must be more then that. The rate at which fat guys say no to me is so absurdly high there must be something else to it. I must be doing something wrong but I'm not sure what. I approach them the exact same way as I approach thin guys but the thin guys pretty much always say yes.
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