been gaining weight lately

coma white · 10-14-2014, 12:37 PM

Hey everyone. I haven't posted here much, mostly been a lurker here and there.

Well, anyway, on to my story. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years now. She used to eat healthy and work out regularly. Seems like she was a lot more active. In the last couple months she has been really lazy. Laying on the couch a lot, eating not as well (a lot of carbs and snacks) and hasn't worked out in awhile.

I asked her to wear an outfit I like on her the other day. She wouldn't do it. I kept asking why, and finally she said because she's gained weight and it doesn't fit well, it's too tight. She said she's gained over 10 lbs. I asked why she hasn't been doing healthy stuff lately and if it bothered her that she didn't fit into her tighter outfits anymore. She said she's just hasn't felt like it lately and it didn't bother her. That she didn't feel good about the weight gain, but it didn't seem to be that big of a deal to her. I didn't say much to that.

I kinda got turned on by that and we had sex as soon as we got home. I don't want to tell her what to do or not do. I was thinking that we could go clothes shopping and I could buy her a bunch of stuff so she has plenty of clothes that fit her well.

What are your thoughts?

Tad · 10-14-2014, 01:35 PM

Such a big change in behavior seems odd to me. You are the one who is there, knows her, etc, but I'd worry about depression or a health issue of some sort sapping her energy.

Having said that, I know as an FA you can both be worried about what is going on with your partner, and turned on by their weight gain at the same time

happily_married · 10-14-2014, 02:06 PM

Hey, Coma, welcome aboard. You seem like you are in a tricky situation, my friend. On the one hand if the idea of weight gain turns you on, then it will be easy to accept changes in her as they happen. On the other hand, if this is a noticeable change in behavior, weight gain itself is a symptom and there may be a deeper issue at play here. Getting to that is important, if indeed it is the case.

Tread lightly. Be encouraging and supportive. It is vital she knows you accept her "as is" (always present tense) and that means if she gains more or loses what she's gained. Also, don't create an impression you want her to change for you.

My wife, shortly before she finally got some traction on her weight loss efforts, in a moment of frustration said, "I am done trying. I'm just going to resign myself to being fat. I know you like it that way anyway." I had so badly wished to hear those words before that moment, but when she actually said them, I realized I didn't want her doing it for me. Had she said, "You know, I've been looking in the mirror lately and think I am getting more and more comfortable with my body the way it is. I think I am going to just hold steady for now and see if I can learn to love myself at this weight" I would have applauded and embraced her decision. It would have been for her in that instance.

Good luck to you as you move forward. Be honest with her and yourself. If she asks, tell you you've enjoyed the extra weight. If she asks if you want her to gain more, the right answer is, "I want you to be you and love the person you are. I'll adjust from there."

x0emnem0x · 10-15-2014, 09:06 PM

Hell yeah, go out and get that woman some clothes! As a fellow woman, I would love it if a boyfriend of mine took me shopping and told me how good I looked in my clothes and such... it may be boring for the men but females love when you tell them how good you think they look.

coma white · 10-19-2014, 11:47 PM

Thanks guys. I've told her she looks great and I don't mind the extra weight. I did take her to the mall and bought her a couple outfits.

She has mentioned her weight gain a couple times. I just say she looks great and leave it at that. I guess I'll have to wait and see what happens.

GhostEater · 10-20-2014, 09:18 PM

If you want to get across the point that you like her body no matter what without delving into a discussion on your weight preferences, show some extra affection. Let her know that you're comfortable wth whatever skin shes in. It sounds like you already got it covered though.

Marlayna · 10-21-2014, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by x0emnem0x

Hell yeah, go out and get that woman some clothes! As a fellow woman, I would love it if a boyfriend of mine took me shopping and told me how good I looked in my clothes and such... it may be boring for the men but females love when you tell them how good you think they look.

Heck yeah! Going to the stores for new clothes is a real dream date!

bostonbbwluv · 10-26-2014, 04:11 AM

Some stores will even let the bf into the dressing room to "help" carry all the clothes to try on. I always enjoy that and I feel like I'm at a fashion show watching her try on different clothes up close and personal

happily_married · 10-26-2014, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bostonbbwluv

Some stores will even let the bf into the dressing room to "help" carry all the clothes to try on. I always enjoy that and I feel like I'm at a fashion show watching her try on different clothes up close and personal

I do that with my wife all the time unless we have our kids with us. I have...uh...tried stuff.

Cliche, perhaps. But always fun!

coma white · 10-29-2014, 09:18 AM

She said that she was feeling down before, but she is doing a lot better now. She seems to be upbeat again. I think she feels better about the weight after I keep telling her she looks great and that I don't mind, that I actually kind of like it. She was a bit surprised at first, but she likes the compliments and attention I've shown her.

She hasn't made any effort to diet at all. I've actually been cooking some big meals lately and she says she enjoys me cooking more and loves the food.

I'm going to take her to the mall this weekend and buy her a bunch of new clothes. I've noticed she has love handles poking out of even her sweatpants. I think she needs a bigger size, and I'm thinking if I buy her stuff that fits better she'll feel good and enjoy it more.

Tad · 10-29-2014, 12:07 PM

Sounds like the odds are good she'll be up by quite possibly more than one size (smaller sizes are spaced more closely together than are larger sizes, so the same amount of weight gained, or even the same number of inches gained, cause a bigger jump in sizing.If that is the case, that could be a pretty unpleasant shock. So thought a) is just to be ready for it, and try to head off her getting a size 10 if she really needs a 12 (or whatever size she is). Thought b) is to possibly take the lead in shopping somewhat, and maybe not go to the stores she most often buys stuff from. Since sizing can be somewhat different from store to store it is easier to say “who knows how the sizing here runs, best take a range of sizes and see which one fits best here.”

On general shopping with your female partner, based on my experiences, I strongly suggest asking for the ‘fashion show’ and getting her to come out in anything that will button up and doesn’t fall off of her. Then you can get the 360 view better than she can, and can help guide to the best fit by comments about how you think this pair of jeans shows off her curves better than that pair of jeans, or how this t-shirt isn’t sitting properly around her chest but that one looks so good you want to take it off of her, etc. Be good, guide her towards the sort of stuff/fit she’d normally like, not the ones that show off her bulges best for your viewing pleasure! And of course, it is never “that one looks too small, why don’t you try the next size up?” It is always “It isn’t sitting right” or “It looks like those pants are too straight for your curves” or “when you sit down, that t-shirt is riding up at the back. A bigger size should be longer too—so as long as it isn’t too loose, it might be worth checking.” In other words, it is never that it is too small, it is some particular detail that is the issue.

coma white · 11-15-2014, 12:06 PM

Good info tad, I did what you said and it seems to have worked well.

She ended up going up 2 pant sizes, she was surprised at first but I said that the sizes run differently at this shop.

She doesn't seem to be doing anything different to lose weight. I have told her I think she looks great. When she brings up the weight I say I kind of like the way she looks with some extra weight, that I actually prefer it. She says she is glad and that makes her feel better. For the longest time she was working out because she thought I'd like her better and find it attractive.

I told her I'd support her no matter her weight, but I was ok with her recent weight gain and would be ok with more of a gain if that happened as well.

We've been having lots of amazing sex lately.

10-14-2014, 12:37 PM	#1
coma white Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 7	been gaining weight lately Hey everyone. I haven't posted here much, mostly been a lurker here and there. Well, anyway, on to my story. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years now. She used to eat healthy and work out regularly. Seems like she was a lot more active. In the last couple months she has been really lazy. Laying on the couch a lot, eating not as well (a lot of carbs and snacks) and hasn't worked out in awhile. I asked her to wear an outfit I like on her the other day. She wouldn't do it. I kept asking why, and finally she said because she's gained weight and it doesn't fit well, it's too tight. She said she's gained over 10 lbs. I asked why she hasn't been doing healthy stuff lately and if it bothered her that she didn't fit into her tighter outfits anymore. She said she's just hasn't felt like it lately and it didn't bother her. That she didn't feel good about the weight gain, but it didn't seem to be that big of a deal to her. I didn't say much to that. I kinda got turned on by that and we had sex as soon as we got home. I don't want to tell her what to do or not do. I was thinking that we could go clothes shopping and I could buy her a bunch of stuff so she has plenty of clothes that fit her well. What are your thoughts?

10-14-2014, 01:35 PM	#2
Tad mostly harmless Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 12,431	Such a big change in behavior seems odd to me. You are the one who is there, knows her, etc, but I'd worry about depression or a health issue of some sort sapping her energy. Having said that, I know as an FA you can both be worried about what is going on with your partner, and turned on by their weight gain at the same time __________________ Criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure. -Djuna Barnes, writer and artist

10-29-2014, 12:07 PM	#11
Tad mostly harmless Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 12,431	Sounds like the odds are good she'll be up by quite possibly more than one size (smaller sizes are spaced more closely together than are larger sizes, so the same amount of weight gained, or even the same number of inches gained, cause a bigger jump in sizing.If that is the case, that could be a pretty unpleasant shock. So thought a) is just to be ready for it, and try to head off her getting a size 10 if she really needs a 12 (or whatever size she is). Thought b) is to possibly take the lead in shopping somewhat, and maybe not go to the stores she most often buys stuff from. Since sizing can be somewhat different from store to store it is easier to say “who knows how the sizing here runs, best take a range of sizes and see which one fits best here.” On general shopping with your female partner, based on my experiences, I strongly suggest asking for the ‘fashion show’ and getting her to come out in anything that will button up and doesn’t fall off of her. Then you can get the 360 view better than she can, and can help guide to the best fit by comments about how you think this pair of jeans shows off her curves better than that pair of jeans, or how this t-shirt isn’t sitting properly around her chest but that one looks so good you want to take it off of her, etc. Be good, guide her towards the sort of stuff/fit she’d normally like, not the ones that show off her bulges best for your viewing pleasure! And of course, it is never “that one looks too small, why don’t you try the next size up?” It is always “It isn’t sitting right” or “It looks like those pants are too straight for your curves” or “when you sit down, that t-shirt is riding up at the back. A bigger size should be longer too—so as long as it isn’t too loose, it might be worth checking.” In other words, it is never that it is too small, it is some particular detail that is the issue. __________________ Criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure. -Djuna Barnes, writer and artist

10-14-2014, 02:06 PM	#3
happily_married Happy to be part of Dims! Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Virginia Posts: 830	Hey, Coma, welcome aboard. You seem like you are in a tricky situation, my friend. On the one hand if the idea of weight gain turns you on, then it will be easy to accept changes in her as they happen. On the other hand, if this is a noticeable change in behavior, weight gain itself is a symptom and there may be a deeper issue at play here. Getting to that is important, if indeed it is the case. Tread lightly. Be encouraging and supportive. It is vital she knows you accept her "as is" (always present tense) and that means if she gains more or loses what she's gained. Also, don't create an impression you want her to change for you. My wife, shortly before she finally got some traction on her weight loss efforts, in a moment of frustration said, "I am done trying. I'm just going to resign myself to being fat. I know you like it that way anyway." I had so badly wished to hear those words before that moment, but when she actually said them, I realized I didn't want her doing it for me. Had she said, "You know, I've been looking in the mirror lately and think I am getting more and more comfortable with my body the way it is. I think I am going to just hold steady for now and see if I can learn to love myself at this weight" I would have applauded and embraced her decision. It would have been for her in that instance. Good luck to you as you move forward. Be honest with her and yourself. If she asks, tell you you've enjoyed the extra weight. If she asks if you want her to gain more, the right answer is, "I want you to be you and love the person you are. I'll adjust from there."

10-15-2014, 09:06 PM	#4
x0emnem0x Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Illinois Posts: 2,394	Hell yeah, go out and get that woman some clothes! As a fellow woman, I would love it if a boyfriend of mine took me shopping and told me how good I looked in my clothes and such... it may be boring for the men but females love when you tell them how good you think they look.

10-19-2014, 11:47 PM	#5
coma white Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 7	Thanks guys. I've told her she looks great and I don't mind the extra weight. I did take her to the mall and bought her a couple outfits. She has mentioned her weight gain a couple times. I just say she looks great and leave it at that. I guess I'll have to wait and see what happens.

10-20-2014, 09:18 PM	#6
GhostEater Join Date: Oct 2014 Posts: 97	If you want to get across the point that you like her body no matter what without delving into a discussion on your weight preferences, show some extra affection. Let her know that you're comfortable wth whatever skin shes in. It sounds like you already got it covered though.

10-26-2014, 04:11 AM	#8
bostonbbwluv Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 210	Some stores will even let the bf into the dressing room to "help" carry all the clothes to try on. I always enjoy that and I feel like I'm at a fashion show watching her try on different clothes up close and personal

10-29-2014, 09:18 AM	#10
coma white Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 7	She said that she was feeling down before, but she is doing a lot better now. She seems to be upbeat again. I think she feels better about the weight after I keep telling her she looks great and that I don't mind, that I actually kind of like it. She was a bit surprised at first, but she likes the compliments and attention I've shown her. She hasn't made any effort to diet at all. I've actually been cooking some big meals lately and she says she enjoys me cooking more and loves the food. I'm going to take her to the mall this weekend and buy her a bunch of new clothes. I've noticed she has love handles poking out of even her sweatpants. I think she needs a bigger size, and I'm thinking if I buy her stuff that fits better she'll feel good and enjoy it more.

11-15-2014, 12:06 PM	#12
coma white Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 7	Good info tad, I did what you said and it seems to have worked well. She ended up going up 2 pant sizes, she was surprised at first but I said that the sizes run differently at this shop. She doesn't seem to be doing anything different to lose weight. I have told her I think she looks great. When she brings up the weight I say I kind of like the way she looks with some extra weight, that I actually prefer it. She says she is glad and that makes her feel better. For the longest time she was working out because she thought I'd like her better and find it attractive. I told her I'd support her no matter her weight, but I was ok with her recent weight gain and would be ok with more of a gain if that happened as well. We've been having lots of amazing sex lately.