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Old 02-10-2015, 12:42 AM   #1
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Default Is Porn Fucking Up Your Sex Life IRL ?

great thoughtful I found. how do you think porn has affected you ? has it been a positive or a negative in your life ? have you ever thought of cutting back ? why or why not ?

One Manís Journey: How I Stopped Watching Porn for One Year and Why Iím Not Going Back


February 27, 2014 by Dan Mahle





Originally published on Change From Within, and cross-posted here with their permission.
I remember when I first discovered internet porn Ė I was 17 years old. Fascinated by this world of unleashed sexual expression and fantasy, I couldnít get enough of it.
As I grew up and began exploring my own sexuality, I discovered just how different watching pixels on a screen was compared to the intimacy of making love with another human being.
I thought Iíd outgrow my porn habit over time. But I never did.
I didnít know it then, but porn had become an addiction. And, like most addictions, it was a behavior that I was ashamed to talk about or even admit was a problem. ďYeah, everybody watches porn,Ē I remember hearing.
It seemed so pervasive and culturally accepted that having an actual conversation about it was a total non-starter. So I kept it to myself.
I thought I had my habit under control. I thought I could quit porn whenever I felt like it. I even tried to quit a few times and then rationalized my eventual return to the addiction.
I didnít realize how much watching porn manipulated my mind, warping my sexuality, numbing my feelings, and impacting my relationships with women.
And I was not alone.
According to a recent study, more than 70% of men ages 18 to 34 visit porn sites in a typical month.
And itís not just guys watching sex online. It is estimated that 1 in 3 porn users today are women.
Now, I want to be clear here that porn use extends beyond the male/female gender binary, but for the purpose of this post I am sharing my experience with porn from the perspective of a heterosexual, cisgender, White man.
Let me also state clearly that I donít think all porn is bad. Iíve seen some great videos of couples engaging in intimate and respectful sexual encounters Ė of course, these are often only found on feminist porn sites or in the ďfemale friendlyĒ category. (Itís interesting to note what the category name ďfemale friendlyĒ implies about all the other categories).
But Iím not here to judge anyone else for what they choose to watch. Iím simply sharing the impacts that porn has had on my life and what has changed for me since Iíve stopped using it.
To me, what is worrying about porn is not how many people use it, but how many people Ė like me Ė have found themselves addicted to it.
As Dr. Jeffrey Satinover stated in his 2004 testimony to the U.S. Senate subcommittee on pornography, ďModern science allows us to understand that the underlying nature of an addiction to pornography is chemically nearly identical to a heroin addiction.Ē
Impacts of Porn

(This section is based on information and language from a study by Gary R. Brooks, Ph.D. found on pages 23-24 of this report.)
A lot of studies have been conducted on the impacts of porn on men and women in society. Of all of those impacts, three most resonated with my experience:
1. Violence Against Women

Numerous studies have documented links between porn viewership and increased instances of sexism and violence toward women.
This includes an obsession with looking at women rather than interacting with them (voyeurism), an attitude in which women are viewed as objects of menís sexual desire, the trivialization of rape, and widespread acceptance of rape culture Ė fueled by fake depictions of women in porn videos often pretending to desire violent and abusive sexual acts.
2. Numbness and Disembodiment

This can include erectile dysfunction, inability to orgasm when not watching porn, detachment from your physical body, emotional unavailability and numbness, lack of focus and patience, poor memory, and general lack of interest in reality.
Furthermore, these outcomes in men have been linked to boredom with their sexual partners, higher levels of sexual promiscuity, adultery, divorce, sexism, rape, abuse, and suicide.
3. Fear of Intimacy

Watching porn contributes to many menís inability to relate to women in an honest and intimate way, despite a longing to feel loved and connected.
This is because pornography exalts our sexual needs over our need for sensuality and intimacy; some men develop a preoccupation with sexual fantasy that can powerfully impede their capacity for emotionally intimate relationships.
Why I Quit Watching

I always felt like a hypocrite watching porn.
Here I was, a man who is striving to be an ally to women, perpetuating the very culture of violence and misogyny that I was ostensibly trying to fight.
The reality was that most of the videos I found online had titles that included words like ďbitchĒ or ďslutĒ and showcased controlling behaviors that were rooted in a culture of subjugation and objectification, where women are nothing more than sexual bodies to be exploited and dominated by men.
When I am deeply honest, I have to admit I was both intrigued and disgusted at the same time. By that time, my mind had been socially conditioned to find aggressive, misogynistic, and even non-consensual sex arousing.
That is a difficult thing for me to admit. But it got to a point where I felt physically ill watching the videos, and yet I kept watching.
Thatís when I realized I was dealing with an addiction.
What Iíve discovered is that there is a whole spectrum of addiction, from a feeling of compulsion on one end to an intense addiction on the other.
My porn addiction seems to have been pretty mild, since I did not experience any serious withdrawal effects. For some people with more serious addictions, professional support may be needed.
Last February, after a decade of use, I decided to quit watching porn for one year. I did this both for the challenge of seeing if I could do it, and for the chance to see how life might be different.
Now this may not seem like a big deal, but it was actually a radical commitment to uphold.
Today marks my one-year anniversary of life without porn.
It hasnít been easy, particularly as a single guy, but what Iíve learned about myself through this experience has transformed my life forever.
Life After Porn

Life has shifted in some pretty powerful ways during my year without porn:
1. Integrity and Love

Since dropping porn, I have restored a sense of personal integrity that was missing.
Regaining this integrity has allowed me to move through a lot of my shame and find myself in an incredible new space of deepening love for others and myself.
Iíve also noticed that I am often able to stay more present with women now, rather than projecting fantasies onto them. This was hard to do when my mind was cluttered with images from porn videos.
This newfound presence has also allowed me to begin to dismantle some of the subconscious sexism that Iíve held, helping me work toward becoming a better ally to the women in my life.
2. Embodiment and Emotional Expression

My year without porn has helped me reconnect to my body and begin to transform my emotional numbness into healthy emotional expression. Iíve begun to expand my sense of self by learning how to move out of my head and into my heart.
After many long years void of emotional expression, Iíve reconnected to my tears. This release of suppressed emotional tension has unlocked a lot of joy in my life.
All of this has helped me begin to shift my sexuality from mental masturbation and physical detachment to true intimacy, presence, and embodiment.
3. Creativity and Passion

Over the past year, Iíve started feeling more comfortable in my own skin.
Iíve become much more willing to let go of control, to improvise, and to accept peopleís differences.
I trust myself more than I ever have and, as a result, my sense of self-confidence has soared.
I wake up every morning grateful to be alive, clear about my lifeís purpose, and passionate about the work I am doing in the world.
My life today has a depth of authenticity and power that I never felt before.
Stepping Up

This week, many folks in my community and around the world are engaging in conversations about ending the sexual violence and abuse that directly affect over a billion women across the globe today.
Of course, women and girls are not the only ones hurt by sexual violence. Iíve heard stories from a lot of guys who are also affected by cycles of violence and abuse that got passed on through generations.
It is important, however, for me to recognize that far more women than men are victims of sexual assault and domestic abuse, and that men account for a vast majority of all perpetrators.
As Richard Rohr says, ďPain that is not transformed is transmitted
So how do we, as men, break this cycle of violence?
Itís clear to me that we will never transform our pain within a culture of silence. It is only by bringing our shadows to the light that we can diffuse the power that they hold over us.
Over the past several years, I have heard a lot about inequality, sexism, and violence against women. I believe it is vital for porn to be a part of that conversation, particularly amongst men.
If we are serious about ending violence against women, then we must be willing to have open and honest conversations about how porn is impacting our lives.
I am committed to a world of love, respect, and safety for all people.
Iím sick of all the shame, numbness, and secrecy surrounding porn and addiction.
And Iím outraged by all of the violence, degradation, and exploitation of women and children.
Enough is enough!
***
The only way we can transform the culture of violence is to make it transparent by speaking the truth about the ways that we consciously and subconsciously contribute to it.
A culture of love and healing can only be built on a foundation of radical honesty and integrity, built from the ground up in our own lives.
Itís time we start talking about the things weíve been afraid to talk about, knowing weíre not alone.
Itís time we begin transforming our pain into love, by opening our hearts and reconnecting with our bodies.
Itís time we, as men, step into a more mature masculine: one that recognizes the sacredness of life, one that creates intimacy and cultivates authentic connection and healing, one that is unafraid to love and be loved.
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Old 02-10-2015, 08:13 PM   #2
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Guys like looking at images of naked women -- always have -- always will. IMHO this is not a problem. Repressed sexuality -- now that's a problem. The increasing availability of porn undermines American prudishness -- that's a good thing.
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Old 02-10-2015, 09:46 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
Guys like looking at images of naked women -- always have -- always will. IMHO this is not a problem. Repressed sexuality -- now that's a problem. The increasing availability of porn undermines American prudishness -- that's a good thing.

I honestly don't think porn is the problem. it's the kind of porn we have now. and actually your post is illustrative of the problem. you said " Guys like looking at images of naked women ". the problem is the porn mentality as it exists is too paternalistic entitled and male centeric. at it's base too hostile toward women. men have always looked at naked women but they haven't always centered that gaze on a weird kind of fear and hatred.
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Old 02-10-2015, 10:26 PM   #4
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Sorry but feminist porn is just not going to sell.
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Old 02-10-2015, 10:42 PM   #5
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Default ^Yeah, but, then again:

Who is actually still paying for porn?
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Old 02-10-2015, 10:50 PM   #6
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Personally, i've never really liked porn, per se. i don't get off watching some dude pounding some chick's head through the headboard, or smashing from behind some girl that's bound and gagged. not my cup of tea. for me, i'm more into pictures of women (naked or clothed, doesn't matter..seeing curves stretched against clothing is almost as sexy as the naked female form)..and of course the whole stuffing thing, but that's kinda beside the point.

i definitely agree that a culture of degradation is being perpetuated in porn as it stands today...and i find it off-putting and very disturbing. when it comes to whether my affinity for stuffing/force-feeding videos (as the case happens to be for me) is screwing with my sex life, absolutely not. having explored that aspect of my sexuality with someone was not only more enjoyable than i could've imagined, it also was a learning experience. passionate love-making doesn't necessarily have to revolve around the fetish, but if it does, bring a mop lol.

long story short (sorry for the long-windedness again...i definitely idea-vomited there), "porn" just kind of keeps the pipes working when i'm not in a sexual relationship. if i have someone with whom i can connect on that level, then my imagination is better used on other things.
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Old 02-10-2015, 10:53 PM   #7
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Sorry but feminist porn is just not going to sell.
too late. it is selling, if you think porn not hateful of women somehow is "feminist". I would think there are a lot of men out there who might like non hateful porn as well. it's a shame if there are no men who get off on something that doesn't predicate them having some kind of negative view of women.
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Old 02-10-2015, 10:57 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Yakatori View Post
Who is actually still paying for porn?
indeed. it's not the 1950s anymore is it ?

a lot of women buy it to get ideas and to give their partners ideas. it kind of defeats the purpose if the stuff being shown doesn't actually work on women. the fact that more women are buying porn would probably account for why a lot of them are having more orgasms and fewer "headaches" . because that stuff that doesn't like them doesn't care if they can get off or not

i'm not sure that it benefits men who care about us if it makes them feel conflicted. short term they may get off on it. but men are also creatures of emotions. maybe young men wouldn't be having so much ED if they didn't have to deal with all of that in something sexy yet more mutual.
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Old 02-11-2015, 09:44 AM   #9
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too late. it is selling, if you think porn not hateful of women somehow is "feminist". I would think there are a lot of men out there who might like non hateful porn as well. it's a shame if there are no men who get off on something that doesn't predicate them having some kind of negative of women.

There's niche markets for pretty much anything. However, let me assure you that the vast majority of guys aren't thinking about egalitarian self-actualized (whatever that means) relationships while looking at images of naked women.
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Old 02-11-2015, 10:41 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
There's niche markets for pretty much anything. However, let me assure you that the vast majority of guys aren't thinking about egalitarian self-actualized (whatever that means) relationships while looking at images of naked women.

I have no idea what feminist porn would be, but the hottest porn is the kind where the woman actually looks like she's enjoying herself...Whatever that's called it's hot and puts me at attention...
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Old 02-12-2015, 11:08 AM   #11
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Speaking from experience, I think there definitely seems to be something to what the guy is saying, at least in terms of psychological addiction and effect on sex life. I don't buy the stuff about promoting sexual violence, however: claims that the media influence violent behavior are always way overblown. If anything, I believe violent video games and porn make young men less violent.


And while some of the no-fap and anti-porn movement is clearly motivated by religious or feminist hangups, what's particularly interesting is that a lot of the no-fap/anti-porn males are coming from a non-religious background and still find that porn is affecting their sex lives badly and, more importantly, quitting porn improves them. To me that's the clinching evidence.

http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2013/10/10813/

Now back to fat porn...
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Old 02-12-2015, 02:07 PM   #12
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It hasn't effected me from what I can tell but it has effected at least one girl I've dated.

She could fuck really well but it basically pork fucking. There was no sincerity or real emotional connection.

We talked about it and she was convinced she didn't like "making love".

Weird right?

It turns out she was terrified of intimacy.

Once after a passionate arguement we actually got intimate and she was coming her brains out and post coitilly admitted it was too much for her to handle.

Then again, she also told me later she was emotionally abused by her step father her entire childhood so maybe the pork fucking was just the symptom of a bigger demon she was struggling with.
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Old 02-12-2015, 02:56 PM   #13
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It's actually a big problem for me. I still haven't fully quit, but my use has dwindled substantially. I don't have a stash anymore either.
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Old 02-12-2015, 05:22 PM   #14
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I think the definition of porn needs to be expanded to include not just the mainstream, commercial stuff -- for me it includes slashfic, erotic fan art and the stories people write and post here on Dims; much of that stuff is created by and for women. Also, given that much of it is text-based, it gives more time to the characters' motivations than you usually see in mainstream porn. As to how it affects people, I doubt it's possible to generalize.
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Old 02-12-2015, 10:59 PM   #15
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There's niche markets for pretty much anything. However, let me assure you that the vast majority of guys aren't thinking about egalitarian self-actualized (whatever that means) relationships while looking at images of naked women.

you're still assuming it's all about guys
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Old 02-12-2015, 11:04 PM   #16
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you're still assuming it's all about guys
The vast majority of porn is created for and watched by guys.
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Old 02-12-2015, 11:20 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by jtgw View Post
Speaking from experience, I think there definitely seems to be something to what the guy is saying, at least in terms of psychological addiction and effect on sex life. I don't buy the stuff about promoting sexual violence, however: claims that the media influence violent behavior are always way overblown. If anything, I believe violent video games and porn make young men less violent.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAXUVUM-N00

And while some of the no-fap and anti-porn movement is clearly motivated by religious or feminist hangups, what's particularly interesting is that a lot of the no-fap/anti-porn males are coming from a non-religious background and still find that porn is affecting their sex lives badly and, more importantly, quitting porn improves them. To me that's the clinching evidence.

http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2013/10/10813/

Now back to fat porn...

actually pretty much every scholarly study ever done says that some types of porn can influence violence. not so much because it actually encourages men to beat up women but because it treats women as objects and strips them of their individual personalities and humanity. it's easier to hurt someone if you dehumanize them first. IMO it encourages misogyny. I don't think a person can totally compartmentalize truly demeaning women. I think it spills over into all of life. i'm not talking about at all BDSM either. you would think BDSM would encourage violence but interestingly enough it's more balanced in terms of power because everyone has to agree to what is happening and that it is what they want. but in most porn all bets are off and it's encouraged to view women as a target of a lot of emotional negativity pent up aggression and emotionless physical contact.

but the biggest connection with violence is that a lot of men make the leap from pornography to prostitution and become a part of human trafficking which is nothing but violence against women.
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Old 02-12-2015, 11:26 PM   #18
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The vast majority of porn is created for and watched by guys.
i'm not arguing that.

so guys might need to be concerned about how it effects the quality of their sex life. capisce ?
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Old 02-12-2015, 11:37 PM   #19
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http://www.newsweek.com/growing-dema...ution-68493U.S.
The Growing Demand for Prostitution

By Leslie Bennetts 7/18/11 at 1:00 AM
U.S.

Paul Popper / Popperfoto-Getty Images

Men of all ages, races, religions, and backgrounds do it. Rich men do it, and poor men do it, in forms so varied and ubiquitous that they can be summoned at a moment’s notice.
And yet surprisingly little is known about the age-old practice of buying sex, long assumed to be inevitable. No one even knows what proportion of the male population does it; estimates range from 16 percent to 80 percent. “Ninety-nine percent of the research in this field has been done on prostitutes, and 1 percent has been done on johns,” says Melissa Farley, director of Prostitution Research and Education, a nonprofit organization that is a project of San Francisco Women’s Centers.
A clinical psychologist, Farley studies prostitution, trafficking, and sexual violence, but even she wasn’t sure how representative her results were. “The question has always remained: are all our findings true of just sex buyers, or are they true of men in general?” she says.

In a new study released exclusively to NEWSWEEK, “Comparing Sex Buyers With Men Who Don’t Buy Sex,” Farley provides some startling answers. Although the two groups share many attitudes about women and sex, they differ in significant ways illustrated by two quotes that serve as the report’s subtitle.
One man in the study explained why he likes to buy prostitutes: “You can have a good time with the servitude,” he said. A contrasting view was expressed by another man as the reason he doesn’t buy sex: “You’re supporting a system of degradation,” he said.
And yet buying sex is so pervasive that Farley’s team had a shockingly difficult time locating men who really don’t do it. The use of pornography, phone sex, lap dances, and other services has become so widespread that the researchers were forced to loosen their definition in order to assemble a 100-person control group.
“We had big, big trouble finding nonusers,” Farley says. “We finally had to settle on a definition of non-sex-buyers as men who have not been to a strip club more than two times in the past year, have not purchased a lap dance, have not used pornography more than one time in the last month, and have not purchased phone sex or the services of a sex worker, escort, erotic masseuse, or prostitute.”
Many experts believe the digital age has spawned an enormous increase in sexual exploitation; today anyone with access to the Internet can easily make a “date” through online postings, escort agencies, and other suppliers who cater to virtually any sexual predilection. The burgeoning demand has led to a dizzying proliferation of services so commonplace that many men don’t see erotic massages, strip clubs, or lap dances as forms of prostitution. “The more the commercial sex industry normalizes this behavior, the more of this behavior you get,” says Norma Ramos, executive director of the Coalition Against Trafficking in Women (CATW).

The ordinariness of sex buyers is suggested by their traditional designation as “johns,” the most generic of male names. “They’re the cops, the schoolteacher—the dignified, respected individuals. They’re everybody,” says a young woman who was trafficked into prostitution at the age of 10 and asked to be identified as T.O.M.
Equally typical were the men in Farley’s study, who lived in the Boston area and ranged from 20 to 75, with an average age of 41. Most were married or partnered, like the majority of men who patronize prostitutes.
Overall, the attitudes and habits of sex buyers reveal them as men who dehumanize and commodify women, view them with anger and contempt, lack empathy for their suffering, and relish their own ability to inflict pain and degradation.
Farley found that sex buyers were more likely to view sex as divorced from personal relationships than nonbuyers, and they enjoyed the absence of emotional involvement with prostitutes, whom they saw as commodities. “Prostitution treats women as objects and not ... humans,” said one john interviewed for the study.

In their interviews, the sex buyers often voiced aggression toward women, and were nearly eight times as likely as nonbuyers to say they would rape a woman if they could get away with it. Asked why he bought sex, one man said he liked “to beat women up.” Sex buyers in the study committed more crimes of every kind than nonbuyers, and all the crimes associated with violence against women were committed by the johns.
Prostitution has always been risky for women; the average age of death is 34, and the American Journal of Epidemiology reported that prostitutes suffer a “workplace homicide rate” 51 times higher than that of the next most dangerous occupation, working in a liquor store.

Farley’s findings suggest that the use of prostitution and pornography may cause men to become more aggressive. Sex buyers in the study used significantly more pornography than nonbuyers, and three quarters of them said they received their sex education from pornography, compared with slightly more than half of the nonbuyers. “Over time, as a result of their prostitution and pornography use, sex buyers reported that their sexual preferences changed and they sought more sadomasochistic and anal sex,” the study reported.
“Prostitution can get you to think that things you may have done with a prostitute you should expect in a mutual loving relationship,” said one john who was interviewed. Such beliefs inspire anger toward other women if they don’t comply, impairing men’s ability to sustain relationships with nonprostitutes.
Sex buyers often prefer the license they have with prostitutes. “You’re the boss, the total boss,” said another john. “Even us normal guys want to say something and have it done no questions asked. No ‘I don’t feel like it.’ No ‘I’m tired.’ Unquestionable obedience. I mean that’s powerful. Power is like a drug.”
Many johns view their payment as giving them unfettered permission to degrade and assault women. “You get to treat a ho like a ho,” one john said. “You can find a ho for any type of need—slapping, choking, aggressive sex beyond what your girlfriend will do.”
Although sex buyers saw prostitution as consensual, other men acknowledged that more complex economic and emotional factors influence the “choice” to prostitute oneself. “You can see that life circumstances have kind of forced her into that,” said one nonbuyer in the study. “It’s like

someone jumping from a burning building—you could say they made their choice to jump, but you could also say they had no choice.”
T.O.M.’s story is a case in point. Her father went to prison when she was 2 years old, and she was 4 the first time her body was exchanged for drugs by her mother, an addict. Growing up in foster-care families, she was abused in every one. When she was 10, a 31-year-old pimp promised he would take care of her. “He was my savior at first—I was stealing food to survive. He said, ‘I’ll be your mom, your dad, your boyfriend—but you have to do this thing for me.’ And then he sold me.”

For the next five years, until he went to jail, her pimp trafficked her all over the Western United States. “I looked very much like a child for the first three years, and that made it more profitable for him,” T.O.M. reports, still diminutive and fine-boned at 21. In Farley’s study, one thing that johns and men who don’t buy sex agreed on was the ease of access to such children: nearly 100 percent of men interviewed in the study said that minors were virtually always available for purchase in Boston.

Trafficked children often have histories similar to that of T.O.M. Research indicates that most prostitutes were sexually abused as girls, and they typically enter “the life” between the ages of 12 and 14. The majority have drug dependencies or mental illnesses, and one third have been threatened with death by pimps, who often use violence to keep them in line.

But the sex buyers in Farley’s study overlooked such coercion and showed little empathy for prostitutes’ experiences or their cumulative toll. Researchers and service providers consistently find high levels of posttraumatic stress disorder, depression, suicidal ideation, and other psychological problems among prostitutes. “It doesn’t matter whether it’s in a back alley or on silk sheets, legal or illegal—all kinds of prostitution cause extreme emotional stress for the women involved,” Farley says.
And yet johns prefer to view prostitutes as loving sex and enjoying their customers. “The sex buyers were way off in their estimates of the women’s feelings,” Farley reports. “In reality, the bottom line is that prostituted women are not enjoying sex, and the longer she’s in it, the less she enjoys sex

acts—even in her real life, because she has to shut down in order to perform sex acts with 10 strangers a day, and she can’t turn it back on. What happens is called somatic dissociation; this also happens to incest survivors and people who are tortured.”

Farley is a leading proponent of the “abolitionist” view that prostitution is inherently harmful and should be eradicated, and her findings are likely to inflame an already contentious issue. “Modern-day prostitution is modern-day slavery,” says former ambassador Swanee Hunt, founding director of the Women and Public Policy Program at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government and cofounder of the Hunt Alternatives Fund, a sponsor of Farley’s study.
But other feminists defend pornography on First Amendment or “sex-positive” grounds, and support women’s freedom to “choose” prostitution. Tracy Quan, who became a prostitute as a 14-year-old runaway, says that many women do it for lack of better economic opportunities. “When I was 16, it’s not like there were great high-paying jobs out there for me,” says Quan, the author of Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl and a spokeswoman for a sex workers’ advocacy group.
“My view of the sex industry is that if we treat it as work and address some of its dangers, it would be less dangerous,” says Melissa Ditmore, an author and research consultant to the Sex Workers Project of the Urban Justice Center in New York.
And yet even Quan admits she had one customer who tied her up and scared her so badly she thought he was going to kill her. Noting that such men

often escalate their violence over time, she starts to cry; there is a long silence as she struggles to regain control. “I always wondered if he went on to kill somebody else,” she says finally.

In response to such dangers, a growing antitrafficking movement is now targeting sexual exploitation both here and abroad. “Before this time, we heard from ‘happy hookers,’ we saw Pretty Woman, the whole country was being fed a pack of lies about prostitution, and sex trafficking was invisible,” says Dorchen Leidholdt, cofounder of CATW. “There is a growing recognition that this is pervasive, that it’s enslavement, and that we’ve got to do something about it.”

No one really knows how many women and children are trafficked for sex in the United States, often through the use of force, fraud, or coercion; the scope of the problem is hotly debated, but many believe it is growing. An array of organizations are now working to combat trafficking by building coalitions to reshape policies and change attitudes in the criminal-justice and social-welfare systems. “I think there has been an amazing evolution in thinking, and the movement is growing by the day,” says Norma Ramos of CATW.

Such efforts have led to the passage of tougher enforcement laws and the growing use of “john schools” that offer educational programs and counseling as an alternative to sentencing for first offenders. Their effectiveness is under debate, however; Farley’s study found that johns themselves viewed jail as a far more powerful deterrent to recidivism, and the strongest deterrent of all was the threat of being registered as a sex offender.
Estimates suggest that “for every john arrested for attempting to buy sex, there are up to 50 women in prostitution arrested,” Farley reports.
But the traditional double standard that punished women and forgave men is also being reevaluated. “It’s been accepted that this is something men will do, without any real thought about the victims,” says New York City Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly, whose department recently started an antitrafficking unit and increased its sting operations against johns. “It was considered a victimless crime. But it certainly isn’t; we realize that young women are being victimized.”
During her years in prostitution, T.O.M. reports that the police often violated her and always treated her “as a criminal, not a victim. This is the only form of child abuse where the child is put behind bars,” says T.O.M., who has escaped prostitution and is now working as a youth advocate in

California.

Many law-enforcement officials say such longstanding practices are changing and credit the efforts of the antitrafficking movement. “I’ve seen a huge shift,” says Inspector Brian Bray, commander of the Narcotics and Special Investigations Division of the Metropolitan Police Department in Washington, D.C. “When I first started, I didn’t really understand how many of these girls have been trafficked. Now our mindset has changed from assuming the girls are criminals to trying to rescue the victims, provide them the services they need, and get information to lock up their traffickers. Most of our arrests used to be female prostitutes, but now we arrest more johns than we do prostitutes.”

Striking developments abroad are also influencing policies in the United States. In 1999 Sweden decided that prostitution was a form of violence against women and made it a crime to buy sex, although not to sell it. This approach dramatically reduced trafficking, whereas the legalization of prostitution in the Netherlands, Germany, and much of Australia led to an explosive growth in demand that generated an increase in trafficking and other crimes. Sweden’s success in dealing with the problem has persuaded other countries to follow suit.

“The Swedish model passed in South Korea, Norway, and Iceland, and has been introduced in Israel and Mexico,” says Ramos.
Despite the struggle to control it, human trafficking is often described as the fastest-growing criminal enterprise in the world, and as second only to drug trafficking in its profitability. With billions of dollars at stake, the campaign against sexual exploitation has also provoked a predictable backlash. Last year Craigslist shut down its “adult” classified-ads section in response to the antitrafficking campaign led by Malika Saada Saar, founder of the Rebecca Project for Human Rights. The Craigslist crackdown increased revenue at Backpage.com, where The Village Voice runs its own adult ads.
Clearly worried about growing social pressure, the Voice attacked the antitrafficking campaign last month, charging that it has exaggerated the extent of the problem. The most common estimates, oft-repeated by major media, suggest that 100,000 to 300,000 children are trafficked in the United States every year. The Voice reported that this statistic identifies children at risk and claimed that the number of those who are actually trafficked is only a fraction of those figures. But the Voice’s calculations were promptly dismissed as unreliable; Seattle’s mayor and police chief pointed out that their city alone is estimated to have hundreds of minors exploited for commercial sex, and they accused Backpage.com of acting as
an “accelerant” of underage sex trafficking.

The Voice also ridiculed Real Men Don’t Buy Girls, the antitrafficking video campaign launched earlier this year by Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher with a series of public-service ads featuring Justin Timberlake, Sean Penn, Bradley Cooper, and Jamie Foxx. The ads reflect a growing recognition that men are the key to addressing this problem.
Sex buyers are overwhelmingly male, and they purchase males as well as females. Whatever its form, the underlying question posed by prostitution remains the same: should people be entitled to buy other human beings for sexual gratification? If such ancient practices are to be curtailed, both johns and men who don’t buy sex will have to rethink their complicity, according to Ted Bunch, cofounder of A Call to Men, a national organization working to end violence against women and girls.

“This is the first generation of men that’s being held accountable for something men have always gotten away with, and that’s why you have such a backlash,” Bunch says. “Our social conditioning is to see women as objects, as property—that’s what commercial sexual exploitation is all about. It’s a multibillion-dollar industry; it makes more money than the NFL, the NBA, and Major League Baseball combined.”

Fighting that behemoth will require the participation of both sexes. “The system has been set up to blame women for the violence men perpetrate, and this has been seen as a women’s issue, so it’s easy for men not to get involved. But men’s silence about the violence men perpetrate is as much of a problem as the violence itself,” Bunch says. “Men feed the demand, and men have to eradicate the demand.”
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Old 02-13-2015, 01:09 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
i'm not arguing that.

so guys might need to be concerned about how it effects the quality of their sex life. capisce ?

Porn addiction is a symptom of a messed up sex life -- not a cause. Enjoying the occasional erotic image is not going to undermine the quality of anyone's sex life.
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Old 02-13-2015, 04:19 AM   #21
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I agree with what Bigmac has to say about porn.
I have no idea what prostitution has to do with porn. It's not the same thing. Anyway, I think there is plenty of men's porn out there that isn't degrading to women. Do you supero consider Big Cuties to be bad?
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Old 02-13-2015, 04:26 PM   #22
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as i said in another post, my wife had wls, so looking at some of the pics here get my motor running. its one of the ways i compensate for all of the weight she lost and it helps us maintain a healthy sex life, so porn for me has been actually a good thing and my wife knows this
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Old 02-13-2015, 05:21 PM   #23
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Porn addiction is a symptom of a messed up sex life -- not a cause. Enjoying the occasional erotic image is not going to undermine the quality of anyone's sex life.
an occasional erotic image is not what they are talking about. you should read it.
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Old 02-13-2015, 05:28 PM   #24
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I agree with what Bigmac has to say about porn.
I have no idea what prostitution has to do with porn. It's not the same thing. Anyway, I think there is plenty of men's porn out there that isn't degrading to women. Do you supero consider Big Cuties to be bad?
well actually purchasing sex is put in the same category as prostitution because even though you touch somebody doing one and you don't doing the other it is the same thought process regarding the person who is the object of the focus. plus there are studies out there that correlate engaging with one with engaging with the other for a large percentage of people.

Bigmac says there isn't any porn out there that isn't degrading to women. he said that is all that men like. do you agree ?

I don't look at big cuties. what is your opinion? I have other issues because I have a serious opposition to how the feeding fetish plays out politically in the community so I won't click on ANY of that --- too many people I know and like getting sick and too many people taking that lightly and not establishing any protections like BDSM has. it's hard to support something that encourages people and then when they get into a pinch it's tough luck you shouldn't have been that stupid.

but if you are asking me if I have a problem with nudity or erotic images I would definitely say no.
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Old 02-13-2015, 08:39 PM   #25
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well actually purchasing sex is put in the same category as prostitution because even though you touch somebody doing one and you don't doing the other it is the same thought process regarding the person who is the object of the focus. plus there are studies out there that correlate engaging with one with engaging with the other for a large percentage of people.

Bigmac says there isn't any porn out there that isn't degrading to women. he said that is all that men like. do you agree ?

I don't look at big cuties. what is your opinion? I have other issues because I have a serious opposition to how the feeding fetish plays out politically in the community so I won't click on ANY of that --- too many people I know and like getting sick and too many people taking that lightly and not establishing any protections like BDSM has. it's hard to support something that encourages people and then when they get into a pinch it's tough luck you shouldn't have been that stupid.

but if you are asking me if I have a problem with nudity or erotic images I would definitely say no.
To be specific I agreed with Bigmac's statement here:
'Porn addiction is a symptom of a messed up sex life -- not a cause. Enjoying the occasional erotic image is not going to undermine the quality of anyone's sex life.'

I think you should look at a bigger variety of porn before you judge it all as degrading. I find that sites with free porn tend to generally have more porn that is degrading. But really I've looked up women's porn and that isn't really any better when it comes to objectifying. Then there's that fact that porn for women only has muscular men or thin men.

I don't think prostitution goes with porn. Nearly every man I know personally looks at porn but only a few have been to prostitutes. My dad went to prostitutes but that was because he was sexually desperate rather than preferring them. But I do know of a fair few men that go to strip clubs. But I don't see how strippers are the same as prostitutes either. I've met them before and they seem like ordinary people.
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