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Old 03-25-2015, 01:44 AM   #1
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Okay...how to begin this without seeming....mean or close minded?

So...All of my life I have been attracted to men of different ethnicities other than my own. Caucasian, Asian, Spanish, Indian ALL OF THOSE but predominately Caucasian and Asian because of where I grew up. I see many BBW Caucasian women with ethnicities other than their own much more than WOC with ethnicities other than their own. I was up the other night and read an article that called white (or other men other than african american) and black women "reverse interracial" which is where I came up with the word and since then I was wondering many thing.

I guess I am wondering if there is a reason? Is it more intimidating? Is there something unattractive about a larger, dark woman? Do you figure we aren't interested? Does a bigger black woman not seem as appealing? Please let me know because it's something I've been curious about for some time.

And by this I don't mean as a fetish or a nice experiment to never tell anyone of. Where are the men who would love to date a black woman and be proud to show off their little chocolate drop? The couple of times I've experienced it I was a dirty little secret but is there more to it? Is there a scientific reason as to why? Please someone (mostly looking for male POV) give your opinions and if I've worded something wrong or offensively PLEASE let me know...writing at 4am turns my brain into mush

-Kawaii

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Old 03-25-2015, 05:31 AM   #2
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Years ago I dated a AA woman for a brief time. She wasn't so much a BBW as a plus plus plus size body type. I was actually in a rocky relationship and we had taken a hiatus (read: we both wanted to have sex with other people for a while). For a brief moment I though this woman would turn my brief hiatus into a new relationship entirely, but it didn't turn out that way. I met her in the elevator of the building I lived it: she lived literally right on top of me, two floors higher.

There was a lot of good in her, and us collectively. She was a very sweet person, fun, and stunning! She was tall: over 6' and was big. She had a big butt, thighs were almost as thick as my waist, a very thick and strong trunk/torso and boobs so big I hardly knew what to do with them. I am 5'7" and at the time was a runner and weighed about 150-155, so physically speaking she dominated me. She even wore heals when we were out together. In the bedroom she was extremely aggressive and it was really a lot of fun to let her have her way with me.

Unfortunately, she had some major issues too. In many ways I was her dirty little secret. A few times when we'd be out she would grow uncomfortable if other AA men or women were around. We diverted plans a few times even. She was fine around any other ethnicity. In fact, she admitted to me she even had a flaunting mentality when she noticed white women who noticed us. Kind of a "yeah, I got one of yours." Attitude. (That part of it was actually kind of hot! ) but overall her unease with our racial differences around her own race really undermined us. It made it hard to get through other disagreements which eventually led to us splitting up. It was a very polite and courteous breakup.

I have dates many different ethnicities and love them all. Beautiful people can be found in all shapes, sizes and ethnicities. Ethnicity genuinely does not matter to me. Unfortunately it mattered greatly to this woman, but that didn't define all AA women for me. I would have dated another one in a heartbeat had another opportunity presented.
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Old 03-25-2015, 06:15 AM   #3
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Have you ever watched a British television show or movie, where people seemed overly conscious of social class? Where you found yourself tempted to yell at the screen “He/she is bright, ambitious, and successful—so why do you care that they didn’t go the ‘right’ schools and have a different accent? Sure that will create a few challenges, but it is a minor issue.” From North American eyes it can seem baffling, but apparently to the writers and the target audience it is a real thing that they experience and that matters to them.

I frequently get the same sort of feeling when hearing Americans talk about race. Not that there are no racial or cultural issues where I live, there certainly are, just as there are people who have grown up with more or less money and more or less inherited privilege—but we don’t seem to feel black/white issues in the same way that a lot of Americans do (nor class issues in the same way that a lot of Brits do). Then again, probably people in most other places don’t understand the obsession around here with minority language rights, so I guess we all have our own ‘things.’

All of which is by way of saying, to my eyes I don’t see anything odd about it, and to my ears it is astounding that anyone cares enough to have come up with a term for it. But where you are living, eyes and ears are no doubt tuned to different things, and what matters is what you think, what some hypothetical BF thinks, and what people you have to deal with think. In other words, no I don’t think there is any universal thing about black women with non-black men, but sure there could be things in the culture of your area that make it more of a big deal there.

(FWIW, one of my ‘Caucasian’ friends is married to a woman of Haitian descent, and that they both have French as a first language and extremely educated parents is far more of a unifying bond than skin colour difference is a divider. In fact, I can’t recall any comment, ever, related to their skin colour, but plenty about how she, tasteful and introverted , manages to put up with my friend, the raging extrovert with occasionally crass tendencies. I guess that is consistent with my feeling that individual personality is far more of a factor than any sort of racial/cultural expectation)
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Old 03-25-2015, 07:55 AM   #4
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I definitely agree with Tad that the importance americans put on race is a little bit baffling coming from somebody who doesn't live there. Not to say that it isn't an issue over here, plenty of people in my parents' generation are hugely racist, but in my generation it isn't really a thing. Like Tad said, over here in the UK class is a bigger thing.

I have noticed that there is less racial variety over here though, maybe that has something to do with it? About 90% of people I encounter are british caucasian.

I couldn't care less what colour skin my partner had. If I met someone who was cute and liked the same things as me and understood me well then I wouldn't care what colour (or gender, for that matter) they were.
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Old 03-25-2015, 08:38 PM   #5
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I definitely agree with Tad that the importance americans put on race is a little bit baffling coming from somebody who doesn't live there. ... .
You can fill a library with the books that have been written about race in America. Suffice it to say this country is seriously fucked up when it comes to race. Having grown up in Canada it took me awhile to understand just how deep and how pervasive American racism is.
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Old 03-26-2015, 07:28 AM   #6
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I definitely agree with Tad that the importance americans put on race is a little bit baffling coming from somebody who doesn't live there.
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You can fill a library with the books that have been written about race in America. Suffice it to say this country is seriously fucked up when it comes to race. Having grown up in Canada it took me awhile to understand just how deep and how pervasive American racism is.
As somebody whose spent her life moving back and forth across the Atlantic, I can only second this.

Race relations for a host of reasons in the US are much more of an issue than in other Western societies. In part it boils down to the numbers: The non-Caucasian portion of the US population is significantly higher than for instance in Europe's population. There is more of a historic burden in the US than for in stance in Canada.

Part of the problem though is one of definition and semantics.

"Race" and "racism" in the US are often used as blanket terms to describe lumped together phenomenons and issues.

Of course, when speaking of the incidents in Ferguson, this is a racial issue, a conflict between the white and African American community.

But alone the definition of 'Hispanic' as a race is blurred. Over 80% of Hispanics are anthropologically speaking Caucasian, only with a Spanish speaking, mostly Roman-Catholic background. So the issue and it's consequences is actually more one of ethnicity and not of race.

"Racism" in US speak often also replaces much more specific terms for social aberrations like xenophobia, anti-Semitism or more recently anti-Islamism.

With my part European background I find the - rather frequent - use of racism for anti-Semitism especially problematic. Because this implicitly acknowledges Hitler's theory of racism, that there is an actual biologically determined racial difference between the Jewish and gentile communities. Which is not the case: It's a mainly one of religious difference and in some cases - depending on geographic origin of the individual community - also of ethnic difference.

The non-differeniated use of the label of racism imo isn't getting us anywhere in fighting highly diverging forms of intolerance, social, legal, economic injustice and discrimination.
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Old 03-27-2015, 01:08 AM   #7
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Oh wow hey everyone! Sorry if I made this question seem like I am hung up on races cause to be quite honest I'm not. I like people for who they are race, size, or otherwise this was more of a call out of sorts? Has anyone else experienced this? Has anyone had the same question? Does anyone here who is single like African American women? (kinda Sorta joking but if you do Highfive) I know that race is still a big deal in some parts of the earth for...whatever reason.

My thread was more me trying to say I think outside of this racial box when I talk to people thier race isn't really something I think about I actually had to go back into my dating history to tally races cause it was never really that big in my mind and once I thought about it I realized yes most were interracial and even though I think "race is just race, no big deal" it seems like dating African American women is still very taboo or foreign to people and was wondering if I was imagining it or maybe if there is a PERSONAL reasoning you could think of? I don't know how to really word it but private message me if you'd like maybe then I can explain it better
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Old 03-27-2015, 08:59 PM   #8
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...

But alone the definition of 'Hispanic' as a race is blurred. Over 80% of Hispanics are anthropologically speaking Caucasian, only with a Spanish speaking, mostly Roman-Catholic background. So the issue and it's consequences is actually more one of ethnicity and not of race.

...
While rich Cubans and some groups from South America may have mostly European blood, this is emphatically not true for most Hispanics in the US today most of who are genetically mostly Native American. Indeed most recent migrants from Mexico and Central America are pretty much 100% Indian (many still speak Native American languages, not Spanish).
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Old 03-29-2015, 05:08 AM   #9
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Ok. I actually understand what you're saying!

This is what I have understood from asking black men and white men about interracial dating, and from a little experience.

As African-Americans, we are taught from a very young age to be strong and dominate. Truth be told, you're not going to survive in America (At least the south) without some thick skin. We're taught that if you want something, you have to go extra hard, because 400 years of slavery and another 100 years of Jim crow doesn't go away because of a black president. Regardless of how much we strive, we're still reminded every day that a couple years ago, we didn't have the right to sit in the front of the bus with whites, and we didn't have the right to educate our children with white children because ours weren't ever going to be anything anyways. Soo, if you're from another country and don't understand why race is a huge issue here, that is just a few reasons why there is tension between whites and blacks.

Now, as a AA child, female or male, were both taught this. Were told the stories of MLK and Malcolm X attempts at freedom which led to them both being gunned down like a dog. So we know that we have to go hard or go home.

Now in a man, that's sexy....Regardless of whether hes doing the right thing, you don't find a lot of AA men who generally aren't doing something to make their paper grow. They're trying to make things happen. legally, or illegally. Also, they tend to be decisive and very straight forward which can make the right kind of woman weak, because she knows that her man is gonna make it happen.

In a woman, that can come off many different ways: Stubborn, aggressive, arrogant, or bitter are usually the words I hear. Now the only difference between a black F/M is a penis/vag, but dominance in a man is a lot more appreciated than dominance in a woman. From what i understand, most men want submissive women, which is very hard to find in the black community. (Which is another reason black men have told me they date outside of their race)

When you add on the stereotypes that are portrayed in America of black women, and the fact that even black men say that they wont or cant date a bw helps you understand why many other races aren't checking for us.

every white man I have ever met has been surprised by my accent (meaning im not ghetto) my knowledge (meaning im not as stupid as people assume) and the lifestyle i choose to live (meaning i don't have a whole bunch of kids and am not collecting welfare. I go to school and work my ass off). Most that I meet are surprised that black women like that exist, which is understandable. We haven't had a strong, morally right, black woman character on tv since Clair huxtable. Because of this, I believe that most men believe the hype that black women are wild, aggressive, and uncontrollable. and the media only helps promote this message.

Sry if thats long and confusing. its 7am in the morning but i just had to share my thoughts
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Old 05-10-2015, 11:25 AM   #10
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race is a big deal here because we actually deal with it here. it isn't that europe is less racist. it's more homogenous and minority issues are considered much less. so often racial issues are totally discounted. europeans do a whole lot of things that americans would never do simply because there is not much opposition and most of the black peoples there have the status of immigrant and not citizen. in europe you can even have been born in a country and your family could have lived there for generations and still not achieve citizenship. so the european stereotype about race not being an issue is really not applicable.

as far as dating goes europeans often look at POC as an exotic rather than a person. so just because they may be proud having POC friend or on their arm it doesn't mean they are necessarily any more enlightened.

europeans also did not have the atlantic slave trade. they benefited from slavery but didn't ever really have anywhere near as much of the "peculiar" slavery on it's shores of the atlantic slave trade in the americas. most African slaves in Europe were basically decorative or light duty. they were there for looks, often dressed up and stationed at doors to welcome and impress guests. they were often described as being petted and spoiled which is why poor populations like it Italy often held very racist views toward African slaves. they had an "easy" job, money food nicer clothing and lived close to the powerful. seems silly since a lot of us today realize there might have been much more personal freedom in being a peasant somewhere.


as far as dating goes I have dated people of all races from various parts of the world and there is no difference between men except their skin color. some are good. some are bad. i'm approached as often by white and black males. but since i'm in florida overwhelmingly by latinas. it has to do with more than racial assumptions. it should be about what they observe in your personally.

if a guy is always harping on my race I won't set foot out of the door with him anyway because he doesn't see me as a person. I wouldn't date him anymore than I would a man of the same race who is always harping on race, and believe me some do.
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Old 05-10-2015, 11:36 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by Daniellegeddie View Post
Ok. I actually understand what you're saying!

This is what I have understood from asking black men and white men about interracial dating, and from a little experience.

As African-Americans, we are taught from a very young age to be strong and dominate. Truth be told, you're not going to survive in America (At least the south) without some thick skin. We're taught that if you want something, you have to go extra hard, because 400 years of slavery and another 100 years of Jim crow doesn't go away because of a black president. Regardless of how much we strive, we're still reminded every day that a couple years ago, we didn't have the right to sit in the front of the bus with whites, and we didn't have the right to educate our children with white children because ours weren't ever going to be anything anyways. Soo, if you're from another country and don't understand why race is a huge issue here, that is just a few reasons why there is tension between whites and blacks.

Now, as a AA child, female or male, were both taught this. Were told the stories of MLK and Malcolm X attempts at freedom which led to them both being gunned down like a dog. So we know that we have to go hard or go home.

Now in a man, that's sexy....Regardless of whether hes doing the right thing, you don't find a lot of AA men who generally aren't doing something to make their paper grow. They're trying to make things happen. legally, or illegally. Also, they tend to be decisive and very straight forward which can make the right kind of woman weak, because she knows that her man is gonna make it happen.

In a woman, that can come off many different ways: Stubborn, aggressive, arrogant, or bitter are usually the words I hear. Now the only difference between a black F/M is a penis/vag, but dominance in a man is a lot more appreciated than dominance in a woman. From what i understand, most men want submissive women, which is very hard to find in the black community. (Which is another reason black men have told me they date outside of their race)

When you add on the stereotypes that are portrayed in America of black women, and the fact that even black men say that they wont or cant date a bw helps you understand why many other races aren't checking for us.

every white man I have ever met has been surprised by my accent (meaning im not ghetto) my knowledge (meaning im not as stupid as people assume) and the lifestyle i choose to live (meaning i don't have a whole bunch of kids and am not collecting welfare. I go to school and work my ass off). Most that I meet are surprised that black women like that exist, which is understandable. We haven't had a strong, morally right, black woman character on tv since Clair huxtable. Because of this, I believe that most men believe the hype that black women are wild, aggressive, and uncontrollable. and the media only helps promote this message.

Sry if thats long and confusing. its 7am in the morning but i just had to share my thoughts
this post is so strange to me. it doesn't sound like a real black woman.

"paper" making a woman strong or weak

and black men not aggressive about making money. what the heck?!!!!...

Claire Huxatbal...

this sounds like a lot of crazy stereotypes that wouldn't come from ANY of the black women I know. sounds like something someone who is not a POC would think we would say.
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Old 05-11-2015, 12:01 AM   #12
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this post is so strange to me. it doesn't sound like a real black woman.

"paper" making a woman strong or weak

and black men not aggressive about making money. what the heck?!!!!...

Claire Huxatbal...

this sounds like a lot of crazy stereotypes that wouldn't come from ANY of the black women I know. sounds like something someone who is not a POC would think we would say.
I'm a woc and I found her post helpful and we share very similar problems and it's nice to know I'm not alone in how I feel
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Old 05-11-2015, 12:31 AM   #13
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I'm a woc and I found her post helpful and we share very similar problems and it's nice to know I'm not alone in how I feel
it's great if you find it useful. I hope i'm wrong but it sounds weird to me especially going with being a first post with a join date so close after you first posted like it was created just for this purpose. I've just seen things being around here for a while--just a heads up that it doesn't sound like something most people I know would say especially supposedly educated POC that I know. I don't think it's real. it sounds like a lot of faked up clichés by somebody who thinks black people talk like this. but that is just me.
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Old 05-11-2015, 12:48 AM   #14
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also there is no such thing as reverse interracial. it's a nonsensical term. either it's an interracial couple or it isn't.
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Old 05-27-2015, 01:58 AM   #15
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also there is no such thing as reverse interracial. it's a nonsensical term. either it's an interracial couple or it isn't.
I did put it in quotations to show how weird it sounded to me I didn't make it up it was something someone said to me
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also there is no such thing as reverse interracial. it's a nonsensical term. either it's an interracial couple or it isn't.
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Old 05-27-2015, 01:09 PM   #16
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I guess I am wondering if there is a reason? Is it more intimidating? Is there something unattractive about a larger, dark woman? Do you figure we aren't interested? Does a bigger black woman not seem as appealing? Please let me know because it's something I've been curious about for some time.

Honestly for me personally I totally get what draws some men to darker ladies its just not what i find most attractive. As far as preferences go I'm looking more for an Irish lass, and the reasons are mostly personal aesthetics. I prefer redheads which is not something you run across in black ladies naturally. By extension i like pale complexions but that is more because you don't see red hair and dark skin together often than finding it unattractive. I think build has a bit to do with it too since I'm a fan of the big bellied look and most black ladies I've met tend towards a strongly bottom heavy pear shape. So it's not that I can't look at a black lady and find her beautiful, its just not what I'm looking for.
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Old 05-30-2015, 03:03 PM   #17
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I have size and shape preferences.

But I've never had racial/ethnic preferences. My girlfriend is White and Native American, but my ex (whom I am still good friends with) is Black and Brazilian. The only people I am not willing to date are those that feel I have an obligation to date people similar to me, and racists of course (duh lol).

Other than that, I am fair game.
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Old 06-04-2015, 12:43 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
"Claire Huxatbal..."
I think a lot of us, consciously or not, are holding out for that kind of person that we sort of fantasize that even our own friends might be tempted to choose over us. Except, how can we fairly attract that person without being a bit more like them than we already are?

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Old 06-07-2015, 02:59 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
in europe you can even have been born in a country and your family could have lived there for generations and still not achieve citizenship. so the european stereotype about race not being an issue is really not applicable.
I kind of get what you're saying here but, certainly in the UK, I would say it's more that country of origin is the issue rather than race. There's more prejudice towards a white Polish person, for example, than a black British person. I know you're talking about Europe rather than the UK specifically, however, I also think race is less of an issue here because we're such a melting pot. There's loads of different races and colours, and we live a lot more cheek by jowl than Americans tend to do (obviously, we've a lot less space).

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as far as dating goes europeans often look at POC as an exotic rather than a person. so just because they may be proud having POC friend or on their arm it doesn't mean they are necessarily any more enlightened.
This got my back up. As a European with friends and ex-partners from a variety of backgrounds, I have never included someone in my social circle because I thought they were "an exotic". I'm not saying we're all more enlightened, but don't make such sweeping generalisations that aren't based on anything other than, at best, your own experience.
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Old 06-16-2015, 06:35 PM   #20
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Reverse interracial? Around these parts, we just call it "whatever."

I will say this - I notice that black women are least desired and least likely to get responses on dating sites. To put it bluntly, I have no fucking clue why. I LOVE black women, especially black BBWs. I'm close friends with two black women (not BBWs) who are classy and educated (I wouldn't ever date them since I think of them as something like sisters.) My experience with black women is generally positive.
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Old 08-02-2015, 11:40 AM   #21
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Old 08-03-2015, 06:12 PM   #22
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White male reporting in.

My first major fat girl crush was Mia Amber Davis in 2000's comedy smash hit Road trip.

Since then I've dated a few WOC.

I think that when we talk about this it is important to understand that there is a difference between "I have a sexual attraction to people of a different race" and "race play".
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Old 08-06-2015, 05:12 AM   #23
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It's a great shame that race is still such an issue for people in this day and age. It's maybe more or an issue in the USA - in the UK immigration and religious differences are a bigger issue than actual skin color. I love black women and am in a relationship with a black BBW. She often says people are staring at us because we are 'different' but I couldn't care less TBH
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Old 08-06-2015, 08:29 AM   #24
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Reverse interracial I've never heard of...reverse cowgirl, though, yeah!! It's hard to see color when my eyes are buried in cleavage or bellies, and the all feeling third eye has no color vision...
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Old 08-10-2015, 11:20 AM   #25
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as a mixed individual, i find it interesting to hear the term "reverse" used in conjunction with a word stemming from "race," which seems to indicate that the reference should, at first, stem from one ethnicity, and all other instances are secondary. can't be "reverse interracial"...the term "interracial" itself means between races.

either way, date/marry whomever. it is always nice to see couples that break conventions, though. makes my heart smile.
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