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Old 04-28-2015, 01:45 PM   #1
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Fiji can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesFiji can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
Default Girl Scout Cookies (BHM and BBW get re-acquainted after several years)

I always tried to park as close to the front door of the Barnes and Noble as I could for my weekly reading and girl-watching routine. Frankly, I hated to walk, being a fat man and all. Unfortunately, nothing was available up close so I was forced to park toward the back of the lot, meaning a torturous stroll of at least 100 yards. And, to make matters worse, my stomach was rumbling something fierce -- although I'd had breakfast a couple of hours earlier, I was starving and cursing myself for not stopping at the Mickey D's drive thru before they stopped serving breakfast as I really could have used a couple of sausage and egg biscuits about then.

As I walked toward the front door, I had resigned myself to going to the Starbucks a couple of doors down for a coffee and maybe a danish or scone. But then I saw it ... nirvana ... a table out in front of the crafts store a couple of more doors down from Barnes and Noble and a group of girl scouts selling cookies. Maybe this was my lucky day after all, I thought, and I started licking my lips at the thought of taking down a box or two of Samoas, my chocolate and caramel and coconut favorites! I knew I couldn't take down two boxes at a time, but I had done a box and a half at a single sitting more than a few times! And Hell, maybe this would be the day I took down two boxes full for the first time ever ... 14 cookies to a box, if I remembered correctly, so 28 cookies didn't seem like an extreme stretch goal.

As I got closer, my belly noticeably jostling up and down with every step and accentuated all the more by wearing a too tight t-shirt and jeans, I thought I recognized one of the two mothers herding the young scouts. Could it be my old girlfriend Cassie, whom I'd worked with and dated for a couple of years after college? This woman was older ... and heavier than the girl I'd dated, but I thought for sure it was her. And she looked phenomenal, maybe fifty pounds heavier (to my one hundred pound gain) than when we were together. I'd always lamented breaking up with her, but I just wasn't ready to settle down back then and she was. Geez, I worried, I hope this doesn't get awkward ... because I really want to buy some Samoas ... and check out my sexy ex-girlfriend whom I'd stupidly let get away!

For years, I had thought of Cassie whenever I heard the Violent Femmes' classic track "Fat." You no doubt know the lyrics, "I hope she got fat, really, really, really fat, then maybe she'll want to see me come back ..." And here she was in the flesh, a little fatter yes, but more beautiful than ever. It was me who was feeling totally inadequate ... a hundred pounds heavier and dressed like a real slob on a Saturday morning.

About ten paces away now, Cassie spotted me, grew a big smile on her face, and said, "Rick, is that you?" I feigned surprise and responded, "Cassie, is that you?" I tried to think of something witty to say, but all that could make it out of my mouth was "you ... you ... look marvelous." "So do you," she said, "though we both are a little heavier." "In fact," she added, "it looks like you could use some Girl Scout cookies to tide you over until lunch and it just so happens that my daughter here is selling them," pointing to a cute little redhead who appeared to be around ten. Then she introduced me to Lucy, who eyed me suspiciously as if saying to herself, "just who is this fat *** talking to my mom?"

I just smiled and told Lucy I was glad to meet her and what a pretty young woman she was, then turned back to Cassie and, somewhat emboldened by her boisterous greeting, gave her a little of my old charm and said "I don't know if you remember, but Samoas were always my weakness, and I thought I'd buy some from Lucy here." Just then I caught sight of Cassie's left hand and ... no wedding band or engagement ring! This was turning out to be my lucky day for sure ...

I was even more encouraged when Cassie asked the other mother manning the table to keep a watch over things, including Lucy, because she needed to grab a Starbucks. As she pointed me toward Starbucks and we got a few paces away from the others, she gave me a wink of the eye and said, "of course I remember, in fact I can remember feeding you a whole box of Samoas in about a half hour once." "Don't remind me," I said, then Cassie astounded me by reaching out, patting my bulging belly, and whispering, "it looks like someone could take down TWO boxes of Samoas now, what do you think?"

I leaned my head close to hers and whispered back "young lady, it looks like YOU have taken down some Girl Scout cookies too over the years!" "Regretably," she said, "I have found way too much comfort in Thin Mints since I separated from Lucy's father." "Really?," I exclaimed and arched one eye brow. "Yes," she said, "I'm single again and how about you Big Boy?"

Author's Note: I actually posted a second (and final) chapter some time back but it was on the same day that FF cut over to its new format and my chapter seems to have been a casualty. I've done my best to reconstruct it for you.

* * *

I finally answered Cassie's question as we started ambling toward Starbucks. "Yes, I too am single ... you see I let the greatest woman I've ever met slip away a few years ago," then paused to see her response.

Cassie played dumb and said, "yeah, who was that?"

"You stupid," I responded.

"Me? You think you can waltz in here and buy me a coffee and sweep me off my feet Fat Boy?"

"Well, I thought I would buy some Girl Scout cookies too to help out your daughter ..."

"OK then Tubby, that's more like it!" I wanted to stop right there and engage in a public display of affection -- God I missed this girl!

Then she continued, "so you've thought about me over the years? You know, I kind of have that effect on men ..."

"I only thought about you like every other day and berating myself on what a fool I'd been to let you go."

"Wow, that's pretty good, and I ... almost ... believe it!"

"Believe it baby!" And then I did stop and lean in for a kiss ... only to be rebuffed.

"Whoa Fatty, it's way too soon for that ..."

"Sorry" I mumbled, then shot back "and who are you calling Fatty? That ass of yours looks like the rear end of a Honda ..."

"Oh baby, you noticed? But then again, you always did worship my big ass ..."

I didn't know whether to feel frustrated or turned on, she was sending so many mixed signals. But by then, we'd reached the door of the Starbucks and I held it for her while she went in. "You're still a gentleman I see," she said with a smile.

There was a decent sized line, as there always seems to be in any Starbucks, and it didn't seem like a good place to continue our bantering. Instead she seemed to be sizing up my belly and trying to figure out how much I'd gained since we broke up.

She stepped back a couple of steps to take in the front of me, then stepped to the side to see how far I stuck out in front, then moved around to my back to check out my love handles, squeezing them for good measure. Then she whispered in my ear, "you are enormous, ***ing enormous, what have you been eating to get so fat?"

Then she reached her arms around me from behind, mushing her smaller belly and considerable boobs into my back. It felt sensational and I definitely sproing an erection underneath my tight jeans. But then I realized her arms weren't long enough to reach around me quite all the way and braced for her reaction!

It was a surprisingly mild one, "hmmm, so you are so soft and squishy now, I kinda like it," she whispered in my ear again.

By then the barrista was ready to take our orders and we bided our time for a couple of more minutes while she fixed us up, giving me a quick opportunity to ask about Lucy.

"Thanks for asking," Cassie said, "she's a great kid. 10 years old going on 30, so smart, so mature for her age. I absolutely love her." "She looks just like you," I said, "gonna be a heartbreaker like her mom too."

"Oh you just say the sweetest things," Cassie smiled, then grabbed her coffee from the barista and I grabbed mine too and we were off out the door to return to the cookie table.

I figured I didn't have too time left on the clock and decided to throw a Hail Mary. "Hey," I asked, "how many Samoas do you think you have left?"

Cassie stopped walking and thought for a second, "why I believe we have three cases under the table and there are 12 boxes to a case, 14 cookies in each box. What were you thinking Fat Boy?"

"Well, I thought I might buy out your stock and maybe a case or two of Thin Mints and we could get together sometime and ..."

"And feed each other?" She read my mind!

"Something like that" I responded awkwardly.

"Well Big Boy, it so happens I'm dropping Lucy off at her dad's place right after we finish selling cookies ... and maybe you could come over to my place after that ..."

"Cassie," I said, channeling my best Humphrey Bogart, "this could be the start of a very fattening relationship."
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Old 04-29-2015, 08:25 AM   #2
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grasso has said some nice things

looking forward to this
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Old 06-01-2015, 08:43 AM   #3
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Wow, another great opening!
"Eat, Eat! You will gain weight and be more attractive!"
- Russian Tour Hostess of the 1980s, as reported in National Geographic
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