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Old 09-11-2015, 12:49 AM   #1
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Default Does anyone here know men who are secretly attracted to fatties but won't admit it?

I honestly wonder how common it really is for men to be physically attracted to women my size -- conventionally attractive men who many others would want.

I was inspired to make this post after reading a recent comment by a member who is in pretty good shape and has a very fat wife.

He said that he repressed his desire for BBWs for years.

I can't help but ask myself if he's the exception to the rule, or if there are many, many more good-looking men out there who like large women than we are led to believe.

Do any of you folks happen to know FAs who are in denial/in the closet about their preferences and perhaps even openly bash fatties but strongly desire them deep down?

I am not referring to feeders or those who chase big women to satisfy a fetish but only men who prefer fat partners.
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Old 09-11-2015, 01:36 AM   #2
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Closet FAs exist, yes. Though there are plenty of people who are open about their preferences as well.
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Old 09-11-2015, 01:44 PM   #3
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I used to be one of those guys. In fact I'm guessing I'm the guy OP was talking about. And something she also mentioned was even making fun of fat girls, and that's something I did in high school in an effort to further suppress my attraction.

I don't think I'm an exception. I don't know how many other guys are like me but I'm confident they're out there.

Also, good discriminator between those who have a fetish and those who are genuinely attracted to fat women. I think one wY to tell the difference is someone who is legitimately attracted will e proud to be seen in public whereas the guy who has a fetish may be a little embarrassed or nervous to be seen by one of his friends. I did go through a process myself, though so who knows. Getting past the point where I cared what others thought was one of the most liberating days of my life.
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Old 09-11-2015, 02:23 PM   #4
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I know and have dated a few. And they'd be embarrassed of you in public but would be all over your fat rolls in private... 2 of them went on to marry skinny women, I'm still close with the one and he cheats on his wife with women bigger than me
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Old 09-11-2015, 02:33 PM   #5
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I know and have dated a few. And they'd be embarrassed of you in public but would be all over your fat rolls in private... 2 of them went on to marry skinny women, I'm still close with the one and he cheats on his wife with women bigger than me
^ See that's what I'm talking about when I described those with a fetish. While I went through a growing phase where I was a little nervous about being out/about with my BBW partners, I eventually got past it. Another indicator of a guy with a fetish is after he gets his BBW fix, he dates/pursues lean/fit/athletic girls again for a while.
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Old 09-11-2015, 03:58 PM   #6
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I used to be one of those guys. In fact I'm guessing I'm the guy OP was talking about. And something she also mentioned was even making fun of fat girls, and that's something I did in high school in an effort to further suppress my attraction.

I don't think I'm an exception. I don't know how any other guys are like me but I'm confident there out there.

Also, good discriminator between those who have a fetish and those who are genuinely attracted to fat women. I think one wY to tell the difference is someone who is legitimately attracted will e proud to be seen in public whereas the guy who has a fetish may be a little embarrassed or nervous to be seen by one of his friends. I did go through a process myself, though so who knows. Getting past the point where I cared what others thought was one of the most liberating days of my life.
Yes, I was referring to you.

What were you so afraid of if you openly dated a fat woman all those years ago? It's not like you admitted you were into non-human animals and wanted to marry a horse -- you just happen to like women who are large. So what?
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Old 09-11-2015, 06:44 PM   #7
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Yes, I was referring to you.

What were you so afraid of if you openly dated a fat woman all those years ago? It's not like you admitted you were into non-human animals and wanted to marry a horse -- you just happen to like women who are large. So what?
I know, right? Looking back I sometimes ask myself that. It boils down to maturity (or lack thereof). I was image conscious and on the heals of a toxic relationship falling apart. Also most of my friends were fit like me, and while I think they would have accepted my preference (and actually did when I met my wife) I still felt self-induced pressure to pursue the kind of women they did.

It may not make a lot of sense. What can I say? I'm glad I grew past that.

I actually started writing a story I posted in the library here. I've been lazy and haven't finished it yet, though I have every intention of getting it done. Anyway it's a semi-true story about that time in my life that really sort of spells out my thought processes at the time.

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...d.php?t=111459
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Old 09-11-2015, 08:34 PM   #8
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I know, right? Looking back I sometimes ask myself that. It boils down to maturity (or lack thereof). I was image conscious and on the heals of a toxic relationship falling apart. Also most of my friends were fit like me, and while I think they would have accepted my preference (and actually did when I met my wife) I still felt self-induced pressure to pursue the kind of women they did.

It may not make a lot of sense. What can I say? I'm glad I grew past that.

I actually started writing a story I posted in the library here. I've been lazy and haven't finished it yet, though I have every intention of getting it done. Anyway it's a semi-true story about that time in my life that really sort of spells out my thought processes at the time.

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...d.php?t=111459
How did you...will yourself to date thin women? Weren't you secretly unhappy? How did you go day after day after day being with a thin woman and her not knowing you didn't find her appealing?
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Old 09-11-2015, 08:55 PM   #9
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How did you...will yourself to date thin women? Weren't you secretly unhappy? How did you go day after day after day being with a thin woman and her not knowing you didn't find her appealing?
It's not that I never found thin women appealing. I did and still do. But while I have an appreciation for every body type I have an obvious preference for one specific one.

As for how I went day after day being with thin women, I'd compare it to a woman dating a "bad boy" hoping to change him. Except I was dating a "hot" girl hoping to eventually not find fat ones appealing. And it's not like it was always a horrible daily grind. But I was definitely not in my element. I scoped out bigger girls. My toxic GF sometimes made it a point to make fun of them (a grown woman mind you ) and a lot of times I'd play along with her all the while thinking how pretty they were but all the while hoping I would one day not feel that way about them. During this time I liked fat girls but I desperately wished I didn't. I figured if I dated a "hot" girl long enough I'd be cured.
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Old 09-11-2015, 10:09 PM   #10
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I honestly wonder how common it really is for men to be physically attracted to women my size -- conventionally attractive men who many others would want.

....
A lot of men are attracted to fat women. The forum "Plus-Size Paysites & Photo Shoots - Censored" always has the most visitors. Some of these men are closet FAs, some of them are open about it. FAs are as different as men who are into skinny women.
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Old 09-12-2015, 01:54 AM   #11
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It's not that I never found thin women appealing. I did and still do. But while I have an appreciation for every body type I have an obvious preference for one specific one.

As for how I went day after day being with thin women, I'd compare it to a woman dating a "bad boy" hoping to change him. Except I was dating a "hot" girl hoping to eventually not find fat ones appealing. And it's not like it was always a horrible daily grind. But I was definitely not in my element. I scoped out bigger girls. My toxic GF sometimes made it a point to make fun of them (a grown woman mind you ) and a lot of times I'd play along with her all the while thinking how pretty they were but all the while hoping I would one day not feel that way about them. During this time I liked fat girls but I desperately wished I didn't. I figured if I dated a "hot" girl long enough I'd be cured.
Interesting! Thank you! I wonder about people now that I know it's at least possible for fit men to want fat women.
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Old 09-12-2015, 05:39 AM   #12
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A lot of men are attracted to fat women. The forum "Plus-Size Paysites & Photo Shoots - Censored" always has the most visitors. Some of these men are closet FAs, some of them are open about it. FAs are as different as men who are into skinny women.
While this is proof to the OP that FAs are out there, it's isn't the most helpful because she wants/needs these guys to show themselves in her real-time everyday life.

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Interesting! Thank you! I wonder about people now that I know it's at least possible for fit men to want fat women.
I wish I could give you a hint on how to spot them. But contrary to what some will tell you, guys who like fat women are just normal guys so they blend right in.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard the argument that guys who like fatties are themselves undesirable (overweight, not visibly appealing) , lack self esteem or confidence, low income, uneducated, unemployed, aren't wired right, and blah blah blah. I'm none of the above! (Well, desirability is relative, but I think I'm reasonably good looking and have never had a problem meeting women of ANY body type.) But some peoples' dislike for fat people isn't enough: they have to extend it to those of us who like fatties too. And in a way, I suppose I'm glad it's this way. It's still socially acceptable to openly express public contempt for fat people and by sometimes being castigated for being a chubby chaser I feel like I am sharing just a small amount of that contempt. And it's something I've learned to embrace.
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Old 09-12-2015, 07:14 AM   #13
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Unfortunately the only easy way to spot an FA is by the fat woman he is with. When I see a couple where the woman is fat, assume I am seeing a FA, and not a guy that is settling. I see thin women all over the place, I have to be on the lookout to spot fat women. A person has to go out of their way to find one.
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Old 09-14-2015, 02:33 PM   #14
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How did you...will yourself to date thin women? Weren't you secretly unhappy? How did you go day after day after day being with a thin woman and her not knowing you didn't find her appealing?
There are lots of ways of looking at this and giving models of why someone might do this. One is privilege. If you are a reasonably attractive, reasonably fit, reasonably together Caucasian guy, you get a lot of privilege in our society. You can pretty much expect to get treated by the majority of people as if you are just that bit more important than everyone else -- from being given more personal space, to staff at stores giving you more attention and respect, to being more apt to be hired, promoted, and paid well. Also you are apt to get implicitly accepted by other similar guys, and given that they also have that privilege then they are apt to have above average wealth, connections, etc and that is an additional advantage. Even more bizarrely, some people will give you praise just for fitting into that grouping, as if you somehow did something wonderful that justified this reward.

But that acceptance, and even that treatment, can be somewhat conditional on keeping up the image of that role. Be thirty, fit, wearing a nice suit, but getting out of a rusty 15 year old Geo Metro and there may be some hesitation about how to classify you. Have it all else together, but have long hair in a pony-tail, and you suggest you might not serious about being successful. Etc and so on.

Part of that can apply to who you are seen with. Introduce your co-workers to your buddies who look like a bunch of weed-heads, and it matters. Going to fringe political or religious events can change how people see you. And of course dating someone who is not what you are expected to want can play a role in that too, as could expressing that your tastes don't like up with what is expected of you.

Of course, living your life to fit an image is both unfulfilling and pathetic. In the long run have the courage to be who you want to be will probably take you farther, make you happier, AND garner you more respect. But when a guy is young, isn't deeply confident, hasn't had a chance to achieve much success in life yet, it can really seem that risking that privilege that comes just from looking the right way it a bit deal. Getting past that stage is sometimes referred to as 'growing up' ;-)
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Old 09-19-2015, 05:20 PM   #15
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I knew a guy in my late teens/early 20's who used to go out of his way to ridicule me for my preference of fat women. I've NEVER dated a skinny girl/woman, and this guy was relentless the way he would bash me for liking fat women. Anyway, ran into him at Sam's Club not too long ago, with his SSBBW wife. She was GORGEOUS! And she introduced herself to me as his wife!!! Don't know if he was embarrassed by her, or if he just felt like a dick for breaking my balls all those years. I exchanged pleasantries, and as I started walking away, I gave him a wink. And I couldn't help but wonder - How the fuck did a magpie like that end up with such a beautiful woman???
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Old 11-26-2015, 03:52 AM   #16
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Well, i'my one of them. A skinny man attract to BBWs
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Old 12-02-2015, 02:20 PM   #17
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There are lots of ways of looking at this and giving models of why someone might do this. One is privilege. If you are a reasonably attractive, reasonably fit, reasonably together Caucasian guy, you get a lot of privilege in our society. You can pretty much expect to get treated by the majority of people as if you are just that bit more important than everyone else -- from being given more personal space, to staff at stores giving you more attention and respect, to being more apt to be hired, promoted, and paid well. Also you are apt to get implicitly accepted by other similar guys, and given that they also have that privilege then they are apt to have above average wealth, connections, etc and that is an additional advantage. Even more bizarrely, some people will give you praise just for fitting into that grouping, as if you somehow did something wonderful that justified this reward.

But that acceptance, and even that treatment, can be somewhat conditional on keeping up the image of that role. Be thirty, fit, wearing a nice suit, but getting out of a rusty 15 year old Geo Metro and there may be some hesitation about how to classify you. Have it all else together, but have long hair in a pony-tail, and you suggest you might not serious about being successful. Etc and so on.

Part of that can apply to who you are seen with. Introduce your co-workers to your buddies who look like a bunch of weed-heads, and it matters. Going to fringe political or religious events can change how people see you. And of course dating someone who is not what you are expected to want can play a role in that too, as could expressing that your tastes don't like up with what is expected of you.

Of course, living your life to fit an image is both unfulfilling and pathetic. In the long run have the courage to be who you want to be will probably take you farther, make you happier, AND garner you more respect. But when a guy is young, isn't deeply confident, hasn't had a chance to achieve much success in life yet, it can really seem that risking that privilege that comes just from looking the right way it a bit deal. Getting past that stage is sometimes referred to as 'growing up' ;-)
Great post.

Men - possibly more than women, although I'm not sure about that - are often judged by their partner, in the sense that an attractive partner (by mainstream standards) bestows prestige. Many, many men deeply want a women who will make other men envious or at least put them 'in the club' of men with 'attractive' women. Underlying it is an idea (I'd suggest) of women as a possession. You want a flashy car because you want to look like a Big Man. You want a hot babe for the same reason.

But what if your idea of a 'hot babe' isn't shared by your peers or other men in general? Then you've got a dilemma. That's where the phenomenon of the FA who marries a skinny woman, then sleeps around with BBWs or surfs BBW porn, comes in.

More charitably, though, let's face it - it's also hard to be 'weird' in general. Some people are less comfortable than others with saying, 'I have this socially unusual preference, deal with it.' In a very, very, VERY small way, it may be some version of what LGBT have had to go through, in that being an FA means having a socially unacceptable sexual preference. Fortunately, FAs don't generally get tormented, beat up, and utterly marginalized for their preference as LGBT people so often do. But it can still be uncomfortable to be a sexual non-conformist, to not belong; especially in a culture where sexual identity has been as prioritized as it is in ours.

My own parents used to regularly raise 'concerns' about my wife's weight (until I told them that I never wanted to hear about it again); and I know to this day that they are slightly disappointed and/or embarrassed by the fact that their reasonably attractive, professionally successful son married a woman who is now about 270 lbs. I don't let it bother me. But that's the sort of thing that can go along with being an FA, and that an insecure or immature man will allow to dissuade him from overtly pursuing his preference.

So, these are some thoughts about the 'closet FA.' I think there are a LOT more men who like BBWs/SSBWs than are willing to publicly let on.

As for whether good-looking guys like fat women? Of course. FAs aren't some mutant sub-species. We're exactly like men who prefer thin women, except that we prefer BBWs.
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Old 12-02-2015, 05:10 PM   #18
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To answer your "question" yes there are plenty of closeted FAs/FFAs, much the same as there are closeted men/women that like "out of the norm" (whatever norm means) people. Anything that doesn't fall in the "norm" is open to ridicule and therefore will carry a stigma because of it until it becomes a bit more mainstream.

~~~~~~~~

The more of these kinds of threads I read, the more aware I become that I had amazing friends growing up. They never treated me any different than the thinner kids and that includes the dating world. My friends always seemed to be more aware of the men that liked me before I did. They would steer me towards the ones they liked. For as long as I can remember, it was always the "fit" guys that asked me out. The athletes, or the "popular" guys.

I think because my friends treated me no differently than their skinny friends, I never saw myself as different when it came to dating. Any man/guy was within my realm of possibilities.

I can understand how some would find it amazing that some fit men would prefer their partners to be fat, but it seems normal to me. *shrugs*
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Old 12-03-2015, 08:54 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by choudhury View Post
Great post.

Men - possibly more than women, although I'm not sure about that - are often judged by their partner, in the sense that an attractive partner (by mainstream standards) bestows prestige. Many, many men deeply want a women who will make other men envious or at least put them 'in the club' of men with 'attractive' women. Underlying it is an idea (I'd suggest) of women as a possession. You want a flashy car because you want to look like a Big Man. You want a hot babe for the same reason.

But what if your idea of a 'hot babe' isn't shared by your peers or other men in general? Then you've got a dilemma. That's where the phenomenon of the FA who marries a skinny woman, then sleeps around with BBWs or surfs BBW porn, comes in.

More charitably, though, let's face it - it's also hard to be 'weird' in general. Some people are less comfortable than others with saying, 'I have this socially unusual preference, deal with it.' In a very, very, VERY small way, it may be some version of what LGBT have had to go through, in that being an FA means having a socially unacceptable sexual preference. Fortunately, FAs don't generally get tormented, beat up, and utterly marginalized for their preference as LGBT people so often do. But it can still be uncomfortable to be a sexual non-conformist, to not belong; especially in a culture where sexual identity has been as prioritized as it is in ours.

My own parents used to regularly raise 'concerns' about my wife's weight (until I told them that I never wanted to hear about it again); and I know to this day that they are slightly disappointed and/or embarrassed by the fact that their reasonably attractive, professionally successful son married a woman who is now about 270 lbs. I don't let it bother me. But that's the sort of thing that can go along with being an FA, and that an insecure or immature man will allow to dissuade him from overtly pursuing his preference.

So, these are some thoughts about the 'closet FA.' I think there are a LOT more men who like BBWs/SSBWs than are willing to publicly let on.

As for whether good-looking guys like fat women? Of course. FAs aren't some mutant sub-species. We're exactly like men who prefer thin women, except that we prefer BBWs.


I guess it just depresses me sometimes when I have gone out, and got hit on by a very unattractive man with an egg-shaped head, to use one example. Yuck.

I worry that I'm stuck with only/mainly dudes like that showing interest, and attractive men, if they are interested at all, using me for sex, such as the last one who'd only see me a few times a year (no, he's not married).

I am not saying a man has to have toned abs, a chiseled jaw, and look like a supermodel, but if he is cute/decent-looking, it'd give me hope.

I wonder if conventionally attractive, thin or fit women get butt ugly dudes (by their standards but especially society's) after them a lot.

The man I'm seeing now, while he is much older, IS decent-looking, luckily.

I hope my pickings aren't/weren't slim -- I just want(ed) reasonably attractive dudes to show interest in being my boyfriends.

Sorry if I seem shallow.
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Old 12-04-2015, 02:44 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by FatBarbieDoll View Post
I guess it just depresses me sometimes when I have gone out, and got hit on by a very unattractive man with an egg-shaped head, to use one example. Yuck.

I worry that I'm stuck with only/mainly dudes like that showing interest, and attractive men, if they are interested at all, using me for sex, such as the last one who'd only see me a few times a year (no, he's not married).

I am not saying a man has to have toned abs, a chiseled jaw, and look like a supermodel, but if he is cute/decent-looking, it'd give me hope.

I wonder if conventionally attractive, thin or fit women get butt ugly dudes (by their standards but especially society's) after them a lot.

The man I'm seeing now, while he is much older, IS decent-looking, luckily.

I hope my pickings aren't/weren't slim -- I just want(ed) reasonably attractive dudes to show interest in being my boyfriends.

Sorry if I seem shallow.
It's normal to want a partner you find physically attractive. Don't apologize.

Maybe what you're going through is the phenomenon of people who know themselves to be 'unattractive' by conventional standards, targeting people who they perceive to be similarly 'unattractive' by conventional standards. In other words, your egg-headed guy maybe wasn't an FA at all necessarily, just someone who figured that he has a better chance with a BBW, because (in his mind) a BBW knows she can't afford to be picky.

(This sort of calculation may not even be in the foreground of someone's mind. What I'm suggesting is that many of us have some notion of our 'market value,' so to speak, in terms of physical attractiveness to the opposite sex, and adjust our expectations accordingly. That's what we mean when we say that so-and-so 'could have done better' than whomever they ended up with).

Perhaps the BBWs around here could confirm whether they find they're more likely to be targeted by men who assume they 'can't afford' to be picky?

I don't believe there is ANY correlation between a man's appearance and whether he is likely to be FA. Why would there be? It's an in-built preference that a lot of us were vaguely aware of even when we were kids. Our own looks don't come into it as far as I can figure. Speaking for myself, I'm certainly not an Adonis, but I've been considered a reasonably attractive man for my adult life and have had a number of women tell me so who had no reason to lie. And I'm sure that's true for many of the FAs on this board, and in life in general.
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Old 12-04-2015, 02:49 PM   #21
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This was 10 years ago but two of my friends had gotten a hold of my Bonita Gorditas porn dvd. Supposedly one of them, who primarily dates to this day only smaller girls, jacked off to it.
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Old 12-04-2015, 05:00 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by choudhury View Post
It's normal to want a partner you find physically attractive. Don't apologize.

Maybe what you're going through is the phenomenon of people who know themselves to be 'unattractive' by conventional standards, targeting people who they perceive to be similarly 'unattractive' by conventional standards. In other words, your egg-headed guy maybe wasn't an FA at all necessarily, just someone who figured that he has a better chance with a BBW, because (in his mind) a BBW knows she can't afford to be picky.

(This sort of calculation may not even be in the foreground of someone's mind. What I'm suggesting is that many of us have some notion of our 'market value,' so to speak, in terms of physical attractiveness to the opposite sex, and adjust our expectations accordingly. That's what we mean when we say that so-and-so 'could have done better' than whomever they ended up with).

Perhaps the BBWs around here could confirm whether they find they're more likely to be targeted by men who assume they 'can't afford' to be picky?

I don't believe there is ANY correlation between a man's appearance and whether he is likely to be FA. Why would there be? It's an in-built preference that a lot of us were vaguely aware of even when we were kids. Our own looks don't come into it as far as I can figure. Speaking for myself, I'm certainly not an Adonis, but I've been considered a reasonably attractive man for my adult life and have had a number of women tell me so who had no reason to lie. And I'm sure that's true for many of the FAs on this board, and in life in general.
That "cannot afford to be picky" phenomenon is what scares me. Do these men really like fat girls or have they just settled for them, and convinced themselves they like them because they figure they have little to zero chance with a thin, conventionally attractive woman? Then again, there are also thin, ugly women too.

Or...maybe I'm being cynical and these guys actually DO like BBWs.

Is a woman automatically unattractive simply because she's fat and whatever perceived stereotypes go along with that?

I mean...I think I look pretty good for the most part. Clear, soft skin, long, thick hair, full lips, big butt, straight teeth, etc. My body is overall proportionate as well in that I'm fat everywhere.
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Old 12-05-2015, 02:12 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by FatBarbieDoll View Post
That "cannot afford to be picky" phenomenon is what scares me. Do these men really like fat girls or have they just settled for them, and convinced themselves they like them because they figure they have little to zero chance with a thin, conventionally attractive woman? Then again, there are also thin, ugly women too.

Or...maybe I'm being cynical and these guys actually DO like BBWs.

Is a woman automatically unattractive simply because she's fat and whatever perceived stereotypes go along with that?

I mean...I think I look pretty good for the most part. Clear, soft skin, long, thick hair, full lips, big butt, straight teeth, etc. My body is overall proportionate as well in that I'm fat everywhere.
I think your mistake is that you keep trying to draw comprehensive inferences from these experience. The correct inference, IMHO is this:

1. SOME guys, informed by our fat-hating culture, and aware of their own low market value (so to speak), just assume you 'can't afford to be picky' and so will settle for them.

2. SOME guys may just be open-minded, willing to be with women of varying shapes and sizes, especially when they are harmoniously proportioned with nice faces, etc - women who would very much be 'conventionally attractive' if they were thinner.

3. SOME guys are FAs who are genuinely attracted to you, in that you are just what they're looking for.

You ask whether a woman "is automatically perceived as unattractive" because she's fat. I can tell you that for a sizeable per centage of men, this is indeed the case. Heck, even a total knockout of a BBW like web model Plump Princess has her share of trolls and haters. The received idea in this culture is that fat is unattractive by definition, especially on women.

But that DOES NOT MEAN that there is not a whole lot of good-looking, well-adjusted FAs out there. Rest assured, there are!!

So it sounds to me like you have to take each person as an individual. If you're not interested, then brush them off and don't worry about it. In terms of luring in men from category (3), just put yourself out there, be confident and present yourself appealingly...they'll be along, for sure.
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Old 12-05-2015, 05:34 PM   #24
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Both of my brothers (and many friends) would always tell jokes anytime I pointed to a girl of build and stated she was pretty. I just got used to brushing it off, much like they also didn't share my tastes in music or cars.

Then one of my brothers (the second one - the one still alive) surprised the hell out of me and my friends by dating a BBW he had met at a party. They've been married for thirty years now.
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Old 12-07-2015, 03:26 PM   #25
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I admit, I’m not trying to answer your question in this post, more asking questions of you. Feel free to skip over this if you really aren’t interested in that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FatBarbieDoll View Post
I guess it just depresses me sometimes when I have gone out, and got hit on by a very unattractive man with an egg-shaped head, to use one example. Yuck.
What jumped out at me was the line above. I read that as meaning “I wasn’t attracted to him, and he should have known I wouldn’t be attracted to him, and left me alone.” Maybe I’m reading that all wrong, if so I apologize for the tangent I’m about to go on.

Why did you find it so distasteful that he was hitting on you? What leaps to mind is that not only did you not find him attractive, but you considered yourself in a different league of attractiveness, so that his hitting on you was a sort of insult – implying that he thought you were in his league, i.e. as unattractive as he was (in your view). Or to put it another way, who do you think he should have been hitting on—or do you think he shouldn’t have been hitting on anyone at all?

(To be clear, I don’t have any problem with you not being attracted to him. We all have our preferences, and to a large extent those are what they are. I think that it makes life a lot harder when your preferences line up with those of a lot of other people; such that you are competing for the comparatively rare person that you all desire, which is always a tough, and competitive place to be, so I can also see that anything that makes that harder is not welcome. The above questions are just driven by my curiosity, I’m always curious about how other people view these sorts of things)

==========================================

Actually, I will take a shot at your questions, too. Warning: second wall of text incoming. (apparently I'm in a mood to pontificate today)

Keep in mind that the people who are mostly widely desired are the ones who will typically be taken off the market most quickly (on average—don’t we all know someone who we think is really awesome who has been single for ages?) But let’s face it, if a guy is somewhat tall, well formed, reasonably fit looking, has a full head of hair, seems fairly normal and is reasonably well groomed, he can walk into any part or bar and there will soon be women laughing at his jokes and ever so interested in his life (or possibly asking his less interesting friends for more information about him). Likewise there are women who don’t bother bringing money to bars, because they know that guys will buy them all the drinks they want. And if those conventionally attractive people actually are decent people who have their life together, it usually isn’t that hard for them to find someone to date. There are simply a lot of people looking for someone like them, so the odds are in their favour.

Now, if it isn’t so easy for you, you might have to work at it harder. ONE strategy that SOME guys use is simply to hit on pretty much any woman they’d be willing to sleep with. Most will say ‘no’ if not ‘hell no’ but with the ‘right’ mindset that doesn’t matter, all that matters is finding someone who says ‘yes.’ Like, if 99% of women will tell him to buzz off, then clearly he needs to plan on hitting on at least a hundred women each weekend if he wants a reasonable chance of getting lucky. In fact, the worse their odds, the less discriminate they can afford to be, and the less time and effort they can put into each encounter. Hence cheesy pick-up lines, dick pics online, form letter style responses to dating ads, etc. It is all about quickly and efficiently weeding out the majority that will clearly have no time for them.

If even a small minority of guys use that strategy to a high degree, and a somewhat larger minority use it to a lesser degree, pretty much guarantees that most women will have some unwelcome attention, from guys who don’t really care that their chances are low, they just know that their chances are better if they try than if they don’t try.

On top of that, add the guys who really are more picky and selective, but aren’t generally considered the most desirable, so they are more apt to remain on the market for longer when they are single. Even if you avoid the ‘ask almost everyone’ crowd and manage to find only guys who are putting some individual work into it, odds are high that you’ll meet a higher proportion who have issues of some sort than you would find in the general population (sometimes that issue might be that all they are looking for is sex without any commitment, sometimes it may be that they are short, sometimes it may be that they really like model trains – whatever, something that will turn off a substantial portion of the potential dating pool).

So yah, there are no doubt cute, nice, decent, together, guys who will be attracted to you. But they may not be nearly as common as the ones that don’t meet all of those requirements in your eyes.
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