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Old 12-08-2015, 09:49 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by FatBarbieDoll View Post
I guess it just depresses me sometimes when I have gone out, and got hit on by a very unattractive man with an egg-shaped head, to use one example. Yuck.

I worry that I'm stuck with only/mainly dudes like that showing interest, and attractive men, if they are interested at all, using me for sex, such as the last one who'd only see me a few times a year (no, he's not married).

I am not saying a man has to have toned abs, a chiseled jaw, and look like a supermodel, but if he is cute/decent-looking, it'd give me hope.

I wonder if conventionally attractive, thin or fit women get butt ugly dudes (by their standards but especially society's) after them a lot.

The man I'm seeing now, while he is much older, IS decent-looking, luckily.

I hope my pickings aren't/weren't slim -- I just want(ed) reasonably attractive dudes to show interest in being my boyfriends.

Sorry if I seem shallow.
Us guys who are not particularly attractive often turn to women who don't fit societies norm for feminine beauty. Call it settling or call it assortative mating -- regardless its the way of the world.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assortative_mating

This is not necessarily a bad thing. Individuals can use it to their advantage. For example, I was only able to attract B-list thin girls but I have had relationships with several A-list fat girls.
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Old 12-31-2015, 01:13 AM   #27
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I have been the definition of closet FA for the longest time (I actually just posted a thread of my "coming out" so to speak lol). So the answer you're looking for is yes! There are men out there that are sometimes to embarrassed to let the big beautiful ladies know how they really feel.

Its shameful but that's just the world we live in I suppose :\
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Old 01-01-2016, 10:46 AM   #28
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I have been the definition of closet FA for the longest time (I actually just posted a thread of my "coming out" so to speak lol). So the answer you're looking for is yes! There are men out there that are sometimes to embarrassed to let the big beautiful ladies know how they really feel.

Its shameful but that's just the world we live in I suppose :\
No, it's NOT "just the world we live in." You don't have to be shallow as "the world" wants you to be. You're attracted to big women. So, date big women! What's the drama about?
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Old 01-02-2016, 07:00 AM   #29
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Date them, marry them and love ladies BBW and or otherwise. Most of all respect all humans as you would want to be respected. If you love women with plush curves respect the person and, if she is willing, love the body
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Old 02-13-2016, 04:51 AM   #30
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Im an ex male stripper currently working on my phd definetely not egg headed. Even pre puberty i knew what i found attractive in the opposite sex.
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Old 02-25-2016, 01:36 PM   #31
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I have been secretly attracted to BBW women my entire life, but I have only been with regular size men my whole life. I would just picture bigger girls when. I was with them to get turned on. I was so scared so what society thought of me that I couldn't ever say it out loud what my preferences were. So, yes. There are so many people who hide what they really want.
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Old 05-19-2016, 09:06 AM   #32
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This is one of those great topics I thought was worth a post and getting conversation on once again.

I believe there are many guy's out there and women for that matter... but I will stick to the guidelines of the original post.... that like bigger women and are in the closet about it. It has a lot to do with age, maturity and overall confidence in oneself.

First of all when I was younger I knew I loved chunkier girls and then I realized that I loved noticing weight gain on girls and women. I never would make fun of a girl ever for being fatter but I certainly did not go out of my way to let them know how much I liked them bigger.....but once again this was at a very elementary grade age. As I was in middle school many of the cute chubby girls started to gain weight....I loved watching the girls gain weight. Amongst my friends we all agreed we liked some of the girls with the bigger breasts and many of them were the ones that kept gaining some weight. I commented a couple of times to my friends how I thought a few of them were getting even hotter. In my mind mostly because there breasts were getting bigger.....but I was kind of in denial that I liked them more because they were gaining weight. my friends said....she is getting uglier and she is Fat now. That's when it really sunk in....I thought she was so much hotter because she gained a bunch of weight where as my friends thought she got uglier because she gained weight.

I guess everyone is different and we all have our sweet spot as far as what we think is attractive with weight etc. I just happen to like more and more weight on a woman.

I think there are definitely guy's that are in the closet as far as liking Fat on women. I know so many guy's when I was in college and right after that would act like they wouldn't date a girl that was over 110 Lbs. or if there butt wasn't as wide as they could position there hands together and later at a bar they would be picking up on a girl that was easily 180-200 Lbs. I have even seen some of these same guy's marry slightly chunky woman and later their women got pretty Fat and they seemed like they were loving all the extra on their wives. I mean who wouldn't love all the extra cushion.....but the point I am trying to make it has to do with age, maturity and confidence. I have always known that I have liked chubby, chunky and fat women and have always been so excited about weight gain.....and I have never commented or acted like I liked thinner girls or women around my friends.....but I have never really come right out and told my friends I would love my wife to be over 300 Lbs.

At an older age I can't imagine there are to many guy's that are still holding back their feelings for them liking heavier women because they should have been matured and not concerned what everyone else thinks....but I guess there still are guy's like that.

I have always dated chubby, chunky and Fatter girls and women. I was never to concerned about what others thought although they were never 300 or 400 Lbs. In fact as I got older they seemed to be a little chubbier and then a little more over weight each time. I dream of my wife getting to over 300 Lbs. but in reality I have never seen her 5' 3" extremely curvy figure much over 200 Lbs. I would be proud to have her on my arm at that size but even when she was 200 Lbs. I know many of my friends and our friends were probably commenting about how heavy she got. My wife even poked fun at herself in front of them kind of like an insecurity thing or white elephant in the room approach. So I am totally secure with how beautiful she was and every Lb. she gained I just kept dreaming of her gaining even more.

Finally....I gotta say I can't imagine anyone not liking the feel of Fat when touching, holding and making love. I assume it is societal shaping that makes guy's shy away from letting out their true feelings.
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Old 10-11-2016, 12:21 PM   #33
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Many FAs are in the "closet" at some point, and many more aren't . . . as has already been said more than once, it's a whole lot to do with maturity. I'm sure I don't have to say this, but even if a guy like that grows up enough to own up to what he likes doesn't mean that he deserves it. The first FA I've come across that was totally in the closet just tried to get me to have sex with him. We were exchanging messages and all that and then he told me that if I was over there he'd get me so drunk that I would only vaguely remember him screwing me from behind. I asked him if he was afraid I'd remember how shit he was at sex if I was sober and didn't bother to look at his responses after that.

Thankfully, not all closet FAs (or FAs in general) are that lame. If they were I'd make every effort to drop like eighty pounds!

Quote:
Originally Posted by FatBarbieDoll View Post
That "cannot afford to be picky" phenomenon is what scares me. Do these men really like fat girls or have they just settled for them, and convinced themselves they like them because they figure they have little to zero chance with a thin, conventionally attractive woman?
I knooow. I've wound up being somewhat paranoid when it comes to people who are hitting on me. If they tell me they think I'm attractive then I'll believe them, because they're most likely telling me the truth, but I've heard so many odd stories about fat women being a guy's "guilty pleasure" or about a dude being ashamed of his fat girlfriend (even if she was fat when they first started dating!) that I feel like I need to accept that just because someone is flirting with me doesn't mean they'd call me pretty.

. . . And of course there are the ones who think they're somehow doing me a favor. Trust me, amigos, I neither need nor even want your dick. I can do a lot better than someone like that xD
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Old 10-25-2016, 10:56 AM   #34
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One of my friends (although not a super close friend), I’ve known for over twenty five years, and have seen him through relationships with a couple of girlfriends and now his wife of many years. All three of the women gained noticeable amounts of weight while involved with him, one of the girlfriends had been somewhat chubby before they started dating, out of any complaints he’s ever made about any of them never once have I heard their size come up, and when I’ve heard him comment on some woman being attractive I’ve never heard him go on about how toned and hard her body is.

I’m pretty sure he could be qualified as some degree of FA, but equally sure that this is a side of himself that he’s chosen not to really let run rampant. I’ve thought about asking him many times, but ultimately decided that it wasn’t really any of my business (if we’d ever hung around together much when he was between relationships I might have asked, but we were in different cities when those gaps happened, and when he’s in a relationship I figure it is rude to ask such things).

I wouldn’t classify him as closeted per se, more like in denial (be it consciously or unconsciously I don’t know), but I could image some women getting hot and cold signals from someone like him.
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Old 10-27-2016, 08:47 AM   #35
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Here's a question. Are you "in the closet" if you DON'T talk about your preference, but DO simply go about your business dating BBWs/SSBBWs? Does being "out" require you to be explicit rather than tacit about your preference? (The requirement of explicitness certainly wouldn't apply to other marginalized preferences, such as LGBTQ orientations; if a woman dates another woman, she's by definition "out," it seems to me).

I have no interest in announcing my preference or publicly talking about it. But I dated a small number of BBWs before I met my wife, and she has always been big. That seems to be enough for me. I rather like the Victorian model of people being discreet about their sexual preferences rather than blaring them to the heavens all the time - notwithstanding the value of sites like this that can help people to understand their own orientation and that there are others like them.
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Old 10-27-2016, 09:28 AM   #36
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I think your partner has to be aware to some extent to preserve good communication.

Like, if you are asexual, do not want sex, and chose not to tell them, that may hurt them. Telling them personally is different from making it public knowledge.

I think it also depends if you KNOW and chose not to disseminate that information...as opposed to not being aware of it, because it something that is so mild and unimportant that you never even thought about it.

If your actions are covert, damaging, or cause distress because your intentions are unknown, that isn't fair to your partner regardless of what we call it. If none of the above are true, then talking about it is more a matter of choice, and if your personal ethics dictate that disclosure is important to your relationship.
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Old 10-27-2016, 10:16 AM   #37
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My wife is a SSBBW and I think it's the best for me when everybody is aware that's exactly the kind of women I'm into it. Be open about your preference for fat bodies and you won't get rude comments.
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Old 10-27-2016, 10:56 AM   #38
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To a large extent I’m of the “As long as you show it, you don’t have to say it” camp. Except for all those situations where that just isn’t good enough.

- People might ask. More apt to happen when you are not in a relationship or just starting one than in later years, but it can still come up. It behooves an FA to be reasonably honest – I don’t think anyone needs to know the details of what another person likes, but saying ‘I like ‘em big’ should not be too much to ask.

- Sometimes others are talking down fat people. By staying silent, you acquiesce, letting them and any other listeners think that you agree. This just helps perpetuate the toxic attitudes our society can have about fat people. I’m not saying to pick a fight on the street with a bunch of drunk guys, but in general be willing to say “Actually, I don’t agree. I think she looks great.” Or even just “That is perfect, you date the twigs, because I’d go out with him in a second!”

- It is important that those close to you, including your partner, know that you are not settling or looking past their size or any of that stuff – that you are with your partner in part because of their size, not despite it. A lot of that can be communicated non-verbally, but sometimes a few words need be spoken to get it through to the more obtuse.
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Old 10-27-2016, 11:30 AM   #39
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To a large extent Iím of the ďAs long as you show it, you donít have to say itĒ camp. Except for all those situations where that just isnít good enough.

- People might ask. More apt to happen when you are not in a relationship or just starting one than in later years, but it can still come up. It behooves an FA to be reasonably honest Ė I donít think anyone needs to know the details of what another person likes, but saying ĎI like Ďem bigí should not be too much to ask.

- Sometimes others are talking down fat people. By staying silent, you acquiesce, letting them and any other listeners think that you agree. This just helps perpetuate the toxic attitudes our society can have about fat people. Iím not saying to pick a fight on the street with a bunch of drunk guys, but in general be willing to say ďActually, I donít agree. I think she looks great.Ē Or even just ďThat is perfect, you date the twigs, because Iíd go out with him in a second!Ē

- It is important that those close to you, including your partner, know that you are not settling or looking past their size or any of that stuff Ė that you are with your partner in part because of their size, not despite it. A lot of that can be communicated non-verbally, but sometimes a few words need be spoken to get it through to the more obtuse.
Great posts by you and Xantha. I agree entirely.
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Old 10-27-2016, 11:49 AM   #40
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Sidenote: my partner was the one who really outed me. He brazenly tells people who ask that his woman is not only ok with his body, but he can get her all revved up by eating a donut.

I think, for me, letting him own part of my preferences was the last holdout for me keeping it private, or any part of shame. Not that I was, per say, but there was a sort of reticent feeling about TMI.
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Old 10-27-2016, 12:32 PM   #41
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I had a bit of the opposite -- I've probably be more open, except that my partner is extremely reserved about such things, so I try not to say things she'd be uncomfortable with, even when she isn't around.
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Old 10-27-2016, 09:49 PM   #42
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With a single exception, all my girlfriends and partners have been bigger ladies. I'm not shy about it, either. I can't imagine being any other way, so I've never understood keeping your preference in the closet.
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Old 10-28-2016, 02:32 AM   #43
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My new place has a really big closet -- was wondering how many BBWs would fit.
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Old 10-28-2016, 04:02 AM   #44
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I am afraid to say, I am a skinny good looking guy who was married owned a nice house seemed to be on the right track. But I was in the closet about liking very large women. I guess I was so afraid of what my family and friends would think I too tried to "cure" myself by marrying a more conventional lady. Much like happily married's story, my wife found out about it and used to taunt me making me feel worse. There was a girl who was very large who was always on my mind, I had dated her but I couldn't bring myself to commit for fear of rejection from friends and family. We still stayed friends. It was really a terrible situation. In the end I hurt more people by not being honest with myself. I ended up divorcing my wife of 5 years, signed the house over to her and am now back with my ex. We are head over heals and even more in love. But a lesson is guys like me or what I used to be are dangerous and will break your heart
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Old 10-28-2016, 07:20 AM   #45
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Sidenote: my partner was the one who really outed me. He brazenly tells people who ask that his woman is not only ok with his body, but he can get her all revved up by eating a donut.

I think, for me, letting him own part of my preferences was the last holdout for me keeping it private, or any part of shame. Not that I was, per say, but there was a sort of reticent feeling about TMI.

My wife is the one who is outing me constantly. She tells everybody that she found my add on a dating-site for fat people. And, that I was looking in that add for a fat woman
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Old 10-28-2016, 09:53 AM   #46
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I am afraid to say, I am a skinny good looking guy who was married owned a nice house seemed to be on the right track. But I was in the closet about liking very large women. I guess I was so afraid of what my family and friends would think I too tried to "cure" myself by marrying a more conventional lady. Much like happily married's story, my wife found out about it and used to taunt me making me feel worse. There was a girl who was very large who was always on my mind, I had dated her but I couldn't bring myself to commit for fear of rejection from friends and family. We still stayed friends. It was really a terrible situation. In the end I hurt more people by not being honest with myself. I ended up divorcing my wife of 5 years, signed the house over to her and am now back with my ex. We are head over heals and even more in love. But a lesson is guys like me or what I used to be are dangerous and will break your heart
Wow. A sad story, but with a happy ending.

I think you capture very honestly the anxiety that many FAs feel about their preference. Not everyone is comfortable about publicly declaring a preference that many people in a fat-phobic culture will regard as "weird" at best and disgustingly deviant at worst. (I've said many times that, in some ways, there is more public acceptance of LBGTQ identities or even fetishes like "golden showers" than there is of FAdom). I had my first girlfriend, who was definitely plump, tell me I was "weird" for my preference, and this wasn't gentle teasing, it was a put-down. To be honest, it humiliated me - here I was tiptoeing out there, disclosing something intimate, and being insulted for it - and it definitely played a role in pushing me down the path of discretion about it.

In my case, though, I decided just to be with the women I found attractive, and let them know that I desired them, without necessarily declaring my preference publicly. That's been a happy medium for me, but maybe not for everyone.
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Old 10-28-2016, 02:54 PM   #47
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Originally Posted by choudhury View Post
Here's a question. Are you "in the closet" if you DON'T talk about your preference, but DO simply go about your business dating BBWs/SSBBWs? Does being "out" require you to be explicit rather than tacit about your preference? (The requirement of explicitness certainly wouldn't apply to other marginalized preferences, such as LGBTQ orientations; if a woman dates another woman, she's by definition "out," it seems to me).

I have no interest in announcing my preference or publicly talking about it. But I dated a small number of BBWs before I met my wife, and she has always been big. That seems to be enough for me. I rather like the Victorian model of people being discreet about their sexual preferences rather than blaring them to the heavens all the time - notwithstanding the value of sites like this that can help people to understand their own orientation and that there are others like them.
I don't think so. Not necessarily. Some people simply don't talk about stuff like this but go about pursuing their interests. I think people who come to Dims by nature are open to discussing it, at least in this forum, but for plenty of people it simply doesn't occur to them to discuss or not discuss a preference like this.

I think what makes someone in the closet is their own sense of embarrassment for liking bigger women. Behavior like intentionally avoiding the topic or refusing to be seen in public is more "closeted" behavior than simply not being programmed to talk openly about one's preference.
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Old 10-28-2016, 03:21 PM   #48
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If you live it, you are not "closeted."
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Old 10-31-2016, 07:27 AM   #49
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Default Reply to Tad.

My point was that I hope I'm not basically doomed to having only ugly dudes interested in me due to my size.

I don't think I'm entitled to a supermodel or a hunk but having a guy who is at least decent-looking want to be with me is nice.
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Old 10-31-2016, 08:08 AM   #50
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Originally Posted by FatBarbieDoll View Post
My point was that I hope I'm not basically doomed to having only ugly dudes interested in me due to my size.

I don't think I'm entitled to a supermodel or a hunk but having a guy who is at least decent-looking want to be with me is nice.
Honestly, I donít think I have a lot more to say on this one. Iím a bit on the short side, have always been pudgy, have had to wear glasses since I was twelve, and my hairline was in full retreat by the time I graduated university -- so I really canít speak for from personal experience about what conventionally attractive guys might feel, Iíve just never been in that privileged position (not that I never had female attention, but it generally came after Iíd gotten to know people, not on first sight).

And Iíve been an FA since I can remember, so I was never really in the situation of chasing a partner that was receiving a ton of attention from others (except that oddly when I started dating my wife she was fairly thin and was receiving quite a bit of attention, and she just did like my look Ė but she made the first moves there, so it still isnít experience in the sort of situation you are in).
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