Needing Advice :/ - Page 2

Potatodragon · 11-09-2015, 04:18 PM

So I finally did it, I told him how his stomach made me feel, he seemed super confused and found it 'weird' and funny'. But accepted it I guess.
Although lately he's put quite a bit more weight on and it's driving me to distraction, he can't fasten any of his jeans and his best shirts are straining. He's frustrated and said he wants to get to the gym and blames me for feeding him :S eeep! Didn't realise I was and feeling a bit responsible for enabling, I mean it's really difficult to say no when u get so turned on watching him gorge himself :S

Xyantha Reborn · 11-10-2015, 07:08 AM

Grats! It is a pretty liberating feeling, and is very scary to do.

And I am very glad that he reacted relatively well to it!

As much as we like to think we are not enabling because we don't encourage them to stuff themselves or eat desert all the time, I think FFA often fall into other pitfalls. Like, food is almost always chosen to celebrate - new job? hard day? let's go for a nice dinner/lets indulge!. If their resolve cracks, we sense it a mile away and never want to tell them no! Or even just telling them they look amazing when what we mean is you look fat!

This is just my opinion, but it works well for me.

Try to make it clearer when you are being a naughty little enabler (hey, it happens) and when you are being a supportive partner. That way, you can have moments of being bad...and he knows you are being bad. Then, you can be supportive of his choices and lifestyle the rest of the time. The only challenge (in my experience) is that if this isn't done, he can feel like you are kind of sabotaging him at every turn, even if all you did was make dinner.

Again, this is just my opinion. My hubby knows my preferences very well, but he is at the upper reach of his comfortable weight range, and he is also highly sensitive to sodium. This means that his diet is relatively controlled and I actually spend a great deal of time cooking foods from scratch he can no longer enjoy from restaurants. There are times when I let my inner naughty FFA out and tease him he should have more or shamelessly eye him and purr when he overeats - but I make it obvious I am tempting him to the gingerbread house, and it is equally obvious that he is overeating simply by my response.

And some of the time I balance it by being more like "Um, the WHOLE bag of chips? Really?" or "...that is a lot of butter..." That way there is a balance and he doesn't feel like I am relentlessly shoving food down his face (or at least shoving food in his way constantly).

And occasionally (as people on teamspeak have probably heard) there are times when I let him starve

. That actually allows HIM room to tease me about food, and solicit attention and food - "You are the WORST FFA ever - what fat admirer doesn't feed her husband!?!" I think that soliciting is important because it gives some of the control back to them. They generally get chunky because of a "lack of control" around food - and our real or perceived enabling makes them feel even less in control. There are day's when my guy purposefully indulges simply because he knows I enjoy it, and I needed a pick me up. It allows him to realize that he can control me/my emotions with food and his body...not just me controlling his mood via food.

Hope that makes sense (written pre-coffee ingestion)

Tad · 11-10-2015, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xyantha Reborn

Grats! It is a pretty liberating feeling, and is very scary to do.

And I am very glad that he reacted relatively well to it!

As much as we like to think we are not enabling because we don't encourage them to stuff themselves or eat desert all the time, I think FFA often fall into other pitfalls. Like, food is almost always chosen to celebrate - new job? hard day? let's go for a nice dinner/lets indulge!. If their resolve cracks, we sense it a mile away and never want to tell them no! Or even just telling them they look amazing when what we mean is you look fat!

I'm a male FA, but the issues of living with an FA are broadly similar, I think.

The metaphor that I like to use is to think of your partner as a sail boat, and living with you means they are experiencing a constant wind blowing them toward 'Fatland.' The easiest possible thing is to not actively sail at all, and just drift where the wind blows you. Hopefully most adults take more control of their lives than that, but most of us drift at least some of the time...and when they do, they will drift in that direction.

And then, if they want to get farther from the shores of Fatland, they need to tack back and forth, since there will never really be a wind blowing them away from those soft shores. That takes work, and time. Even if they are willing to just sail across the wind, getting neither noticeably closer or farther away, that takes some focus on the topic.

It is certainly easier to control your weight if you are living with someone who doesn't blow either way, or blows you away from Fatland in a gentle fashion (if you tend to being fat, being blown harshly away from those shores is probably not going to be a pleasant experience). But it is very hard for an FA to change their on-shore breeze for any prolonged length of time -- they may be able to moderate it, to make it gentle rather than brisk, but it is extremely hard to make it blow differently.

FA's have to accept that we have this influence, and do what we can to help our partners trim their sales appropriately to that wind and their desired destinations. And our partners need to come to accept that this is part of the reality of being with us. It may not be their favorite thing about us all of the time, but it is part of the package that even when we are being 'good' our influence is still apt to be towards fatter rather than thinner.

Xyantha Reborn · 11-10-2015, 11:31 AM

That is an amazing analogy and so well said, Tad.

dwesterny · 11-10-2015, 11:55 AM

I agree the wind analogy is very apt.I think most fat guys just want an FFA who will blow them the right way. giggity

MsBrightside · 11-10-2015, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dwesterny

I agree the wind analogy is very apt.I think most fat guys just want an FFA who will blow them the right way. giggity

LOL! I'm so glad I set my soda down on the table before reading this.

It's good to know that we can always count on you for insightful comments like these.

Melian · 11-10-2015, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xyantha Reborn

That is an amazing analogy and so well said, Tad.

Agreed!

Quote:

Originally Posted by dwesterny

I agree the wind analogy is very apt.I think most fat guys just want an FFA who will blow them the right way. giggity

Hurrhurrhurr

Potatodragon · 11-10-2015, 03:49 PM

Lol oh dear :P
Ye I agree, thanks guys! Its something I already do, not out of manipulation rather out of respect for my partner. I also naturally want to put his wellbeing before my own fetish. But yes, occasionally I slip. I'll probably have to explain the eating / food fetish eventually too, but for now I'll just let him come to terms with the fact I like his fat ^^" Will keep you guys updated! Thanks for the advice Xx

Potatodragon · 01-11-2016, 05:44 PM

Found out a few days ago that he's gained 2 stone since we started going out O.o I'm loving it, but think despite me telling him I love his belly he's going to try and loose it after all ^^' *sigh* enjoy it while it lasts I guess!.
.. but on the other hand he's been talking about going the gym for two years... Not gone yet...

11-10-2015, 11:55 AM	#30
dwesterny Unpleasantly Plump Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: BuffaLOL Posts: 1,710	I agree the wind analogy is very apt.I think most fat guys just want an FFA who will blow them the right way. giggity __________________ Send me dead flowers every morning, send me dead flowers by the mail.

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11-09-2015, 04:18 PM	#26
Potatodragon Join Date: Sep 2015 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 38	So I finally did it, I told him how his stomach made me feel, he seemed super confused and found it 'weird' and funny'. But accepted it I guess. Although lately he's put quite a bit more weight on and it's driving me to distraction, he can't fasten any of his jeans and his best shirts are straining. He's frustrated and said he wants to get to the gym and blames me for feeding him :S eeep! Didn't realise I was and feeling a bit responsible for enabling, I mean it's really difficult to say no when u get so turned on watching him gorge himself :S

11-10-2015, 07:08 AM	#27
Xyantha Reborn - Actually Very Tame! Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Canada Posts: 2,691	Grats! It is a pretty liberating feeling, and is very scary to do. And I am very glad that he reacted relatively well to it! As much as we like to think we are not enabling because we don't encourage them to stuff themselves or eat desert all the time, I think FFA often fall into other pitfalls. Like, food is almost always chosen to celebrate - new job? hard day? let's go for a nice dinner/lets indulge!. If their resolve cracks, we sense it a mile away and never want to tell them no! Or even just telling them they look amazing when what we mean is you look fat! This is just my opinion, but it works well for me. Try to make it clearer when you are being a naughty little enabler (hey, it happens) and when you are being a supportive partner. That way, you can have moments of being bad...and he knows you are being bad. Then, you can be supportive of his choices and lifestyle the rest of the time. The only challenge (in my experience) is that if this isn't done, he can feel like you are kind of sabotaging him at every turn, even if all you did was make dinner. Again, this is just my opinion. My hubby knows my preferences very well, but he is at the upper reach of his comfortable weight range, and he is also highly sensitive to sodium. This means that his diet is relatively controlled and I actually spend a great deal of time cooking foods from scratch he can no longer enjoy from restaurants. There are times when I let my inner naughty FFA out and tease him he should have more or shamelessly eye him and purr when he overeats - but I make it obvious I am tempting him to the gingerbread house, and it is equally obvious that he is overeating simply by my response. And some of the time I balance it by being more like "Um, the WHOLE bag of chips? Really?" or "...that is a lot of butter..." That way there is a balance and he doesn't feel like I am relentlessly shoving food down his face (or at least shoving food in his way constantly). And occasionally (as people on teamspeak have probably heard) there are times when I let him starve . That actually allows HIM room to tease me about food, and solicit attention and food - "You are the WORST FFA ever - what fat admirer doesn't feed her husband!?!" I think that soliciting is important because it gives some of the control back to them. They generally get chunky because of a "lack of control" around food - and our real or perceived enabling makes them feel even less in control. There are day's when my guy purposefully indulges simply because he knows I enjoy it, and I needed a pick me up. It allows him to realize that he can control me/my emotions with food and his body...not just me controlling his mood via food. Hope that makes sense (written pre-coffee ingestion)

11-10-2015, 11:31 AM	#29
Xyantha Reborn - Actually Very Tame! Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Canada Posts: 2,691	That is an amazing analogy and so well said, Tad.

11-10-2015, 03:49 PM	#33
Potatodragon Join Date: Sep 2015 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 38	Lol oh dear :P Ye I agree, thanks guys! Its something I already do, not out of manipulation rather out of respect for my partner. I also naturally want to put his wellbeing before my own fetish. But yes, occasionally I slip. I'll probably have to explain the eating / food fetish eventually too, but for now I'll just let him come to terms with the fact I like his fat ^^" Will keep you guys updated! Thanks for the advice Xx

01-11-2016, 05:44 PM	#34
Potatodragon Join Date: Sep 2015 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 38	Found out a few days ago that he's gained 2 stone since we started going out O.o I'm loving it, but think despite me telling him I love his belly he's going to try and loose it after all ^^' sigh enjoy it while it lasts I guess!. .. but on the other hand he's been talking about going the gym for two years... Not gone yet...