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Old 10-02-2015, 10:17 AM   #1
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Default 25 things ...

This week marks 25 years since my wife and I had our first date. Back then I’d recently learned the terms BBW and FA, hadn’t ever heard of feeder, feedee, encourager, gainer, BHM …. In full hindsight I was a slightly chubby mutual gainer who was otherwise pretty vanilla and she was an almost thin foodie with a big appetite and an interest in aspects of sub/dom things, which made for some interesting misconceptions on my part for some time.

Anyway, after 25 years I’ve learned a few things as an FA, partner, and guy – here are 25 of them (FA edition), mostly written to myself more than anything, but I hope they might be of some use to someone else too.

1) The received wisdom of my young peers was wrong, you can’t know what a young woman will look like in her forties by looking at her mother.
2) That she indulges a hearty appetite does not mean that she wants to gain weight.
3) Reasons to control one’s weight go far beyond attracting a partner.
4) Conversely, being partner with an FA does not mean she is going to feel free to gain without restraint.
5) Weight loss happens, and I can find other things to admire.
6) Weight loss doesn’t usually last; be patient.
7) A body in motion is way more interesting than a body at rest, so encouraging an active lifestyle is good for the FA side as well as being an all-around good idea.
8) I’m no good at all at being dom—it never hurts to push one’s limits, but at the same time it pays to know your strong and weak areas.
9) Hand feeding someone for any length of time can get boring.
10) Before making plans to drizzle someone in chocolate sauce and then lick it off, figure out how much chocolate sauce you can consume before you are sick of it.
11) Eating healthy food makes us feel better in all sorts of ways.
12) When buying clothes for your partner, having it be too big or too small both have their risks. Think carefully!
13) Silk has no give, so is extra hard to size right, and may see limited use if her size is changing.
14) It is OK to occasionally give lingerie that you’d love to see her wear, even if she won’t really wear it other than to show it once—it says you see her in that way.
15) Some activities are fine with more weight, if a bit slower (like biking). Others really fall off far more quickly, like cross country skiing.
16) That she is OK with being a certain degree fat doesn’t mean she will be equally OK with you being equally fat.
17) Motherhood may be sexy as hell to you, that doesn’t mean it makes her feel sexy at all.
18) Libido levels change with time and circumstances, don’t take it personally.
19) She’s usually right, and on the rare occasions that she isn’t it may be worth it to let her be ‘right’ anyway.
20) No matter how hot you think she is, most of the time she wants your attention on her thoughts and feelings more than on her body.
21) Clothes shopping can be frustrating, exhausting, and downright depressing, if one can’t find stuff to make them look the way they want to look.
22) Obviously you don’t deliberately plan things that will make her feel all of how fat she is, but you can be overprotective in tryng to avoid those scenarios. Take some chances, and if occasionally she struggles because of size or weight, appreciate the momentary reminder of how fat she actually is even as you try to contain the situation.
23) Just because she is fat doesn’t mean she’ll prefer to surround herself with other fat people, no matter how much you think that is a good idea.
24) “Happy wife, happy life.”
25) Be grateful for all the awesome
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Old 10-02-2015, 10:45 AM   #2
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Wonderful list Tad.... Congratulations on your long relationship and anniversary.
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Old 10-07-2015, 09:50 PM   #3
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Tad, this is completely amazing and deserves a million reps. Super sweet.
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Old 10-15-2015, 11:49 PM   #4
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Such a sweet thought, I can tell you really love her! Congrats on 25 years! (And some of those points sounds like they have interesting back stories... Like the chocolate sauce tip )
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Old 10-30-2015, 07:11 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by Luthien View Post
Such a sweet thought, I can tell you really love her! Congrats on 25 years! (And some of those points sounds like they have interesting back stories... Like the chocolate sauce tip )
Personally, I'd mix a bit of Melinda's XXXX Habanero sauce with the chocolate. Gives one a bit more staying power.

I hope you realize that this is a joke.
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Old 10-30-2015, 12:53 PM   #6
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Tad, you are the FA I look up to.
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Old 11-01-2015, 12:44 AM   #7
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Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Tad. You are a good man.
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Old 11-01-2015, 04:07 PM   #8
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This was simply a delight to read
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Old 11-02-2015, 08:44 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Tad View Post
This week marks 25 years since my wife and I had our first date. Back then I’d recently learned the terms BBW and FA, hadn’t ever heard of feeder, feedee, encourager, gainer, BHM …. In full hindsight I was a slightly chubby mutual gainer who was otherwise pretty vanilla and she was an almost thin foodie with a big appetite and an interest in aspects of sub/dom things, which made for some interesting misconceptions on my part for some time.

Anyway, after 25 years I’ve learned a few things as an FA, partner, and guy – here are 25 of them (FA edition), mostly written to myself more than anything, but I hope they might be of some use to someone else too.

...snipped...
24) “Happy wife, happy life.”
25) Be grateful for all the awesome
Tad - I repped you for this wise post and, as promised, relayed it to Mrs Ho Ho (who doesn't get here often enough to spot things like this).

We, too, have something going for us. We celebrated our 25th (Silver) wedding anniversary in May. We have known each other for 33 years, first as co-workers, then as partners on difficult projects, then as friends, and finally (I hope forever) as committed lovers and marriage partners. The initials PFL signify these stages and are engraved on our wedding rings (and in our hearts).

I was married to someone else (ultimately, for 28 years) and in all that time, never experienced partnership as I did on the job with Mrs Ho Ho. I kept asking myself why such partnership couldn't be part of a marriage. Now, I know that it can be. Those initials P.F.L. are the three pillars on which our relationship rests - stable on any surface. Andrew Carnegie was asked (or so the story goes) what was most important to a successful business: Labor, Capital or Management? His reply: "What is the most important leg of a three-legged stool?"

Yet, if we had to select one of those legs (PFL) as the most important, we would both say that it was Partnership. In the best of relationships, issues arise in which the answer is not always obvious. These can range from the color of paint on the wall to major financial decisions. When making choices, it is important to state one's own needs clearly; yet to keep in mind the other's (possibly competing) needs as well, and to hold the health of the relationship as paramount.

Partnership provides the medium in which love and friendship can flourish.

Lest this all sounds a bit mechanistic, believe me, it is not.

From our perspective, while all of Tad's points are important, they all follow from the basic principles of PFL.

Mrs Ho Ho and I have noted time and time again how lucky we were to have developed a partnership before we developed a friendship, and long before we fell in love - though that now seems as if it were fated to happen.

In my 79th year, I doubt if I will make it to a Golden Anniversary with Mrs Ho Ho, but I hope you, Tad, and others reading this, will - and will be just as much in love as you are now.
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Old 11-25-2015, 07:42 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by blondunicorn View Post
Lol @ #9!!

Your wife must be very happy :-)
Actually, we haven’t done that in a LOT of years. We tried it a couple of times not so long after getting married, having watched Nine and Half Weeks, which has a pretty famous feeding scene in it. As an FA and lover of indulgences of all sorts obviously I was all for it, and the movie made it look so sensual that she was for trying it. And in practice … meh. It was cool for a little bit but we both got bored with it pretty quickly. Much better for one or two treats than any substantial amount of food, I think. At least, that was our experience.

Although, in general she has a very hearty appetite, so the challenge for her is usually not “I need encouragement to eat” but “how much do I let myself eat?” For her, being hand fed didn’t change that discussion, it just complicated it. Different personalities will no doubt have different experiences.
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Old 11-26-2015, 04:17 AM   #11
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Lol @ #9!!
Indeed - this is a good example for 'why social conventions do make sense' :

Cutlery is a great invention and actually increases the ability to enjoy your good food & we know why we teach our kids to eat by themselves as early as possible.....
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