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Old 05-25-2016, 06:14 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by FatBarbieDoll View Post
Are fit men just a lot more hesitant to admit their attraction to fat women and actually openly date them? I don't believe there are that many fit dudes who are attracted to big ladies and date them in public but maybe that's because of what I mentioned above.

Thin guys, though? It may be easier with them. Still, I wonder
I have a conventionally attractive, super fit step-brother, and my god can he rarely go even one conversation without the talk veering towards what he is doing exercise-wise, foods he is eating, what you "shouldn't" eat, etc.

I highly doubt he's a secret lover of fatties but it's sure an interesting concept.
Maybe he's trying to overcompensate to conceal his secret fatty love? Something slightly different, but I got into a discussion on another site re: foodies, which went a lil something like this (my name there is Fluffy):
John Ferdinand Death by metal!
I actually see a lot of thin white girls on instagram have the "foodie" moniker.
In fact, very rarely do I see an overweight girl put a picture of herself with a 1/2 pounder burger. Coz yeah, she's asking for the comments to roll in.
Fat guys sometimes take photos with food for the irony. Though I doubt they like the comments such as "lol big Dave!" or whatever their name is

Death by metal! John Ferdinand
Yeah it's very strange how White girls think food bragging somehow impresses any other homo sapien, along with their comical exercise bragging and travel bragging. Just makes them all the more boring, ordinary and redundant.

CR199 Death by metal!
I think its kind of the Yoga + Lululemon + Kale smoothies 'foodie' type we're seeing there

Fluffy CR199
I'm not thin (BMI 27.4), but I am a white girl and I'm pretty sure those girls brag about yoga and kale because deep down inside they'd rather spend the day laying in bed with Netflix and a stuffed-crust pizza. You are expected to appreciate the self-discipline they are exerting to keep their inner pig in check.

MCGOO Fluffy
''Inner pig''. I like that. That's the perfect word I was looking for. I had a story about the 'inner pig' on the tip of my tongue but I didn't have that one missing word, 'inner pig'. I'll borrow your word. Thank you.

Fluffy MCGOO
You're welcome.

MCGOO (Note from SqueezablySoft: this part gets kinda offensive in places)
Every person has an 'inner pig' I believe but some are better than others at keeping it in check. I went on a trail hiking excursion once that had a really fat chick in the group. Someone lost the food bag somehow but didn't mention it. When we were out past the point of turn around, the chubby girl got hungry and went on and on about how starving she was. When someone told her the food bag got lost, she panicked and went through many shades of psychosis and apathy. She had only missed one meal so far and she claimed she'd be violently sick if she didn't eat. She cried like a hyena at times. She was still blowing farts from the 20 pc chicken nuggets she downed earlier that morning and she claimed that her body was in crisis from starvation.

Dr Mcgoo thought this might be a good time to probe for the underlying cause of her compulsion. Low sugar perhaps, he thought, but her compulsion was acute. The psychosis subsided when her quick carbs and sugar were exhausted. She even stopped the group as she lay on her back and screamed for help from an airplane above. It was a fedex plane but not an Airbus so no chance of it crashing soon and spilling out the holliday season orders of fruit cakes and pepperidge farms gift bundles. No amount of empathy or undstanding would have helped her.

It was a churchy kind of group but one bleeding heart guy broke out with a big boy can (24oz) of coors light he had concealed and was about to begin secretly sipping on with a long straw. She wasn't a drinker but she inhaled her first beer in two seconds. The empty carbs carried her for another quarter mile as she talked nonstop and told the stupidest girly jokes. Then she imploded and cried in a puddle. Her stomach or something was killing her she claimed.

Dr Mcgoo thought ''electrolytes perhaps?''. This whole ordeal was such a fascinating looking glass into the inner labyrinth of the obese femicunt. We all packed salt packs so perhaps it was her salt. We did have water so the good doctor advised her to not overdo the salt, take some swigs of water and ''moooove that carcass onward'' The destination was right around the bend.

She made it within eyesight of the end point and then sat in a ball and froze, staring at the others as they gathered at the finish. A half mile away she sat staring and she was too heavy to carry. A pothead and somewhat musician in the group stayed with her and talked about who knows what. He had some reef and thought it might motivate her to walk herself the last little bit. Big mistake. She became hungrier than a motherfucker and whatever psychosis she displayed before now became full blown. She was literally screaming into the air and pulling her hair out. The guy figured she was a bad trip to be around at that point so he finally left her alone and headed to the group gathering at the end.

We could all see but not hear her. It looked like she was doing some kind of cool indian dance off in the distance so we waved back. She then stood up, turned and walked the other way! Into the dark she went that evening. We didn't see her for two days until she came walking up out of the trail. Mcgoo presumed she'd subsisted on nothing foodwise and had utilized the water stored in her camel humps and spare tire. We should have left her there though. She was somehow detoxing in her own way but she was a few battles shy of fully conquering her 'inner pig'. When we got back to civilization, she went on a week long eating binge at buffets and she likely put on 20 lbs.

Totally true story. . eeh . . mostly totally

Fluffy

I am all too familiar with this scenario. I would likely have gone through all of those stages of hunger insanity in my head, but would have kept it to myself apart from at most two brief whines and one passive-aggressive "joke" about my future plans for the loser of the food.

And I actually do get sick from hunger at times (I can scarcely put into words what a strange experience is arriving at the dinner table feeling like reheated death, taking a couple bites, excusing oneself to go puke up said bites, then returning to finish dinner with perfect contentment). Luckily I don't get sick everytime I get hungry, because I get hungry about every two hours, like tonight I had dinner at 6, its 10 now and my stomach feels like a black hole.

My inner pig could win a blue ribbon in a livestock competition, but I think for the most part it is still an inner pig and not an outer one.

Btw, interesting coincidence, my Sunday school class is going hiking this Saturday and we're going to Chik-Fil-A after for lunch. I may or may not eat 20 nuggets. Aaaand now my inner pig is going to keep me awake all night thinking about stupid Chik-Fil-A. Being an always-hungry person can really make you nuts (dammit now I'm thinking about nuts! And peanut butter! And Reese's cups! It just never stops).
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Old 05-25-2016, 06:16 AM   #27
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What drives a guy to hit the gym every day and achieve really high levels of fitness? For some it may be purely personal satisfaction. But for many it will be in some part either the general approval it gets (which can also turn into concrete advantages in life), or for impressing women.

If someone is really set on external approval, they are likely going to also want to aim for the highest status mate they can find. Granted that some people will want that approval in some areas, but not care in other areas.

If someone is working that hard to impress women, presumably he is seeking women who are in high demand, where he figures he needs to stand out as something exceptional to impress them. Sadly, in our society, that mostly means women who fit a certain physical image.

Throw in opportunity (if you spend a lot of time at the gym or doing sports, you are apt to meet women who do the same), and common interests, and it also makes it easier, in many cases, for them to meet women with similar priorities.

I'm positive that there are guys who work out a lot and are in awesome shape, who are into fat women, and that there are such guys who openly date, marry, etc fat women. I just suspect that it would be below the average rate of society as a whole.
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Old 05-25-2016, 07:04 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by FatBarbieDoll View Post
Are fit men just a lot more hesitant to admit their attraction to fat women and actually openly date them? I don't believe there are that many fit dudes who are attracted to big ladies and date them in public but maybe that's because of what I mentioned above.

Thin guys, though? It may be easier with them. Still, I wonder
I have a conventionally attractive, super fit step-brother, and my god can he rarely go even one conversation without the talk veering towards what he is doing exercise-wise, foods he is eating, what you "shouldn't" eat, etc.

I highly doubt he's a secret lover of fatties but it's sure an interesting concept.


I can only offer anecdotal evidence to support that there are fit guys who openly prefer fat women. Fit guys don't think in unison, and I can only speak for myself. On this thread are two self described fit men (me and fueling fire) who are open about our preferences. I know a lot of fit guys abhor fat women though. On a fitness forum I frequent I've actually been called out (by fit men and women alike) for having the preference I have. What's interesting is some of these guys are former fatties themselves and take a very nasty hardlined approach to people who are overweight.

And you and I have discussed this on other threads, but there is a lot of merit to the idea that a lot of fit men are hesitant to date fat women out of image conscious fears. That was me until my mid-20s. And even as I started dating fat women it took some effort to get over the fear of being seen by someone I knew, or what my friends would think, etc. there is definitely a stigma to being a fit male who dates (or worse: is married to) a fat woman. Just last week a co-worker of mine who is 10-15 or so years older than me and quite the BBW discussed this with me. I don't recall how the conversation started but it evolved into a discussion on preference. I shared with her what my preferences were and alluded to my wife's shape and size and she was surprised as hell. She said she would have never guessed and because I was the type of guy (basic body type) she prefers it gives her hope to stumble into a relationship some day. But hope aside, it came as a surprise to her a fit male wants to be with a fat woman.

Regarding your fit step brother, some people treat fitness like a religion. I am happy to say I don't fit that description; it's super annoying when people are like that. He probably gives unsolicited gym advice, interrupting someone else's workout. At any rate, not everyone who is fit is like that. It's clearly important to him and maybe he'll figure out a way to tone it down a little.
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Old 05-25-2016, 07:59 AM   #29
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What drives a guy to hit the gym every day and achieve really high levels of fitness? For some it may be purely personal satisfaction. But for many it will be in some part either the general approval it gets (which can also turn into concrete advantages in life), or for impressing women.

If someone is really set on external approval, they are likely going to also want to aim for the highest status mate they can find. Granted that some people will want that approval in some areas, but not care in other areas.

If someone is working that hard to impress women, presumably he is seeking women who are in high demand, where he figures he needs to stand out as something exceptional to impress them. Sadly, in our society, that mostly means women who fit a certain physical image.

Throw in opportunity (if you spend a lot of time at the gym or doing sports, you are apt to meet women who do the same), and common interests, and it also makes it easier, in many cases, for them to meet women with similar priorities.

I'm positive that there are guys who work out a lot and are in awesome shape, who are into fat women, and that there are such guys who openly date, marry, etc fat women. I just suspect that it would be below the average rate of society as a whole.


Tad, most of your posts are pure gold and this one is no different. Well said and some solid observations. As a fit male I want to go point for point on this.

I have a lot of reasons why I work out. I used to be a runner (medium distance) and I was damn fast. I ran because I liked doing it. I'm from Colorado and used to go trail run in the mountains and some days I'd find a new trail and want to see where it went and explore and so on and next thing I know I've covered over 15 miles at 8000+ feet altitude and would be at it again the next day. More recently I've had to transition from the trails to the weight room (two knee surgeries and three severe ankle sprains all within a 20 month window and all on the same leg) and I just can't take the wear and tear of trail running anymore. And if I can't be outside and fast like I used to be then damnit I am going to be strong!

So the first reason I work out is because fitness has been a huge part of my lifestyle going almost as far back to when I was still a sperm. However I would be lying if I said that general appeal to women wasn't a motivation. And I don't see anything wrong with that. If someone understands some traits are considered desirable (intelligence, good hygiene) to women, nobody faults them for seeking to make deliberate self improvement in these areas in order to make himself more appealing to women. It is no secret that many women (of all body types) like strong, fit muscular men. However society often takes a cynical view toward men who deliberately address their own fitness levels in an attempt to increase appeal. My wife loves muscular men. I have a good overall shape but I am not a big guy, but you can bet your ass I am going to work my ass off in the weight room in order to make my wife happy. She really likes Chris Hemsworth and I'll constantly tease her about doing extra reps to hold that hammer-wielding home wrecker at bay! And kidding aside, my wife likes what she sees. I'm no body builder, but I am strong for my size and age. My wife's close friend is married to and likes BHM. We were all at the lake together last summer and I had my shirt off. Our friend told my wife that even though she prefers the bigger men, she can see why I appeal so much to my wife and many other women.

Now as far external approval, highest status mates, and the kind of women one is likely to meet while working out, that norm definitely exists. However I'll repeat: a lot of fat women like muscular guys too. In theory if I'm working out hard to impress women I am doing so to impress the kind of women I LIKE. If I happen to increase my appeal to fit women that's fine but that's not what I am going for. Just because one is fit and working to be more fit and gain some level of external acceptance doesn't mean he is doing so to gain said acceptance from other fit women. Case in point: if I discern a fit woman has scoped me out (or my wife does and tells me about it) I think it's nice but I don't really care all that much. But if a BBW does so it excites me. As in adrenaline and accelerated heart rate and such. This happened just the other day when I went to the barber shop. I was in gym clothes (semi form fitting shirt) and a BBW was sitting there waiting for her son. She gave me a few quick glances and when we made eye contact I just smiled. After that her looks at me grew more frequent and longer. She grew fidgity in her seat as she waited. She repeatedly looked at me and smiled. When I stood up she gave me a complete body scan. I made eye contact again and she smiled really big. Now as a married guy I am not going to act on something like this. I'm not going to be overly flirty and strike up a conversation if one is not needed, etc. but it definitely feels good when it's clear a woman finds me attractive. I'd rather have this one fat mom check me out like that then the entire cheerleading squad from the (Super Bowl Champion) Denver Broncos!

With all of that said, I agree with your conclusion. Fit men likely prefer fit women in far greater numbers than there are guys like me. However I consider myself more of a standard deviation than an outlier. By that I mean guys like me are not isolated examples; there likely are quite a few out there. But as FBD suggests and as I can personally attest to from my own past, many are still in hiding and the number who openly date, pursue, or marry fat women appear a minority.
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Old 05-25-2016, 11:00 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
I can only offer anecdotal evidence to support that there are fit guys who openly prefer fat women. Fit guys don't think in unison, and I can only speak for myself. On this thread are two self described fit men (me and fueling fire) who are open about our preferences. I know a lot of fit guys abhor fat women though. On a fitness forum I frequent I've actually been called out (by fit men and women alike) for having the preference I have. What's interesting is some of these guys are former fatties themselves and take a very nasty hardlined approach to people who are overweight.


I believe this could be internalized fatphobia and is a hatred of self. Many people project their own emotions onto others and don't realize they're doing it.

And you and I have discussed this on other threads, but there is a lot of merit to the idea that a lot of fit men are hesitant to date fat women out of image conscious fears. That was me until my mid-20s. And even as I started dating fat women it took some effort to get over the fear of being seen by someone I knew, or what my friends would think, etc. there is definitely a stigma to being a fit male who dates (or worse: is married to) a fat woman. Just last week a co-worker of mine who is 10-15 or so years older than me and quite the BBW discussed this with me. I don't recall how the conversation started but it evolved into a discussion on preference. I shared with her what my preferences were and alluded to my wife's shape and size and she was surprised as hell. She said she would have never guessed and because I was the type of guy (basic body type) she prefers it gives her hope to stumble into a relationship some day. But hope aside, it came as a surprise to her a fit male wants to be with a fat woman.

Regarding your fit step brother, some people treat fitness like a religion. I am happy to say I don't fit that description; it's super annoying when people are like that. He probably gives unsolicited gym advice, interrupting someone else's workout. At any rate, not everyone who is fit is like that. It's clearly important to him and maybe he'll figure out a way to tone it down a little.

He's actually a decent human being overall but it's eye-rolling annoying to have to listen to him yap about fitness 99.9% of the time the family gets together. It's not the talk that bothers me perse but the incessant nature of it. I think he does it because fitness is his validation in life and what makes him feel that's he's good enough.

My entire family thinks he's the repository of all health-related knowledge just because he is in great shape. I've come to find that most people -- in my experience, anyway -- lack critical thinking skills. They are brainwashed and believe what has been pounded into their heads since birth with little to no ability to do deep questioning. This is one reason why religion spreads.
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Old 05-26-2016, 05:01 AM   #31
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Maybe try complimenting him on something completely non fitness related? See if you can start steering him to some other paths to get validation? Because talking about it all the time does sound at least in part like a search for validation (it may also be mostly what is on his mind). Even if it is a bit of a reach at first, if you can say something about how well he dresses, or his knowledge of cars, or whatever, maybe he'll start talking that around you more?

No promises, but maybe worth a shot?
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Old 05-27-2016, 10:05 AM   #32
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...

My entire family thinks he's the repository of all health-related knowledge just because he is in great shape.

...

This is an all too common phenomenon. Health clubs and gyms from coast to coast are staffed by people whose primary qualification is that they look good in shorts and tee shirt.
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Old 05-27-2016, 01:35 PM   #33
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I agree with a lot of what has been posted here.
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Originally Posted by FatBarbieDoll View Post
Are fit men just a lot more hesitant to admit their attraction to fat women and actually openly date them? I don't believe there are that many fit dudes who are attracted to big ladies and date them in public but maybe that's because of what I mentioned above.
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Thin guys, though? It may be easier with them. Still, I wonder
I have a conventionally attractive, super fit step-brother, and my god can he rarely go even one conversation without the talk veering towards what he is doing exercise-wise, foods he is eating, what you "shouldn't" eat, etc.

I highly doubt he's a secret lover of fatties but it's sure an interesting concept.


I would say fit men are slightly more hesitant about coming out. It crossed my mind a bit, but I was more focused on the crappy clicky people I knew in high school. But when you don’t want to come out anything is a good reason not to: I got a paper cut today, it’s raining so I am not coming out… “date them in public” doesn’t sound like a date when it’s not able to be in public.
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What drives a guy to hit the gym every day and achieve really high levels of fitness? For some it may be purely personal satisfaction. But for many it will be in some part either the general approval it gets (which can also turn into concrete advantages in life), or for impressing women.
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Originally Posted by Tad View Post

If someone is really set on external approval, they are likely going to also want to aim for the highest status mate they can find. Granted that some people will want that approval in some areas, but not care in other areas.

If someone is working that hard to impress women, presumably he is seeking women who are in high demand, where he figures he needs to stand out as something exceptional to impress them. Sadly, in our society, that mostly means women who fit a certain physical image.

Throw in opportunity (if you spend a lot of time at the gym or doing sports, you are apt to meet women who do the same), and common interests, and it also makes it easier, in many cases, for them to meet women with similar priorities.

I'm positive that there are guys who work out a lot and are in awesome shape, who are into fat women, and that there are such guys who openly date, marry, etc fat women. I just suspect that it would be below the average rate of society as a whole.


I have been in some sort of exercise or sport basically my whole life. I like to joke and tell people the line from American Beauty, “I want to look good naked!”To me it really comes down to, I don’t feel right if I go a few days without exercising.The runners high is real, but you really have to be physically fit to get to it. I feel amazing after weightlifting.It is a huge plus that it helps me look a way that society views favorably upon. In my teens I dated athletic girls, that I was “supposed to” and was surrounded by.A small percent of the population is athletic, a much smaller percent of the population is both athletic and a FA/FFA.
happily_married, I agree with you.
I come from and currently live in a city of 20,000 people. Though I do know other FAs, none of them are athletic (of the confirmed FAs). “treat fitness like a religion” Do you know anyone who goes to Crossfit? I do believe HIIT works, but I want to vomit when I listen go members go on about the greatness of Crossfit.
I had knee problems when playing football in high school and had to stop, but can distance run no problem. Trail running is hard on the body, though the view is much better.When deadlifting I have to keep my feet angled at least 15 degrees or I have issues.
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This is an all too common phenomenon. Health clubs and gyms from coast to coast are staffed by people whose primary qualification is that they look good in shorts and tee shirt.

Of the gyms I have been to, you are correct. I have heard so much bad advice from “trainers.” But they are good looking, right? Weight and thinness is really only one measure of health.
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Old 05-28-2016, 05:43 AM   #34
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This is an all too common phenomenon. Health clubs and gyms from coast to coast are staffed by people whose primary qualification is that they look good in shorts and tee shirt.
I am of the mindset that people who always understood math make the worst math teachers. To someone who understands math, "not getting it" simply doesn't compute. It makes sense to them so it should make sense to everyone else. They don't know what it's like to not understand math and some of the more complex concepts. They just assume if they explain it then it'll make perfect sense and everyone will understand it.

There are a lot of fit people and trainers who are like this. They don't understand what it's like to need or want to lose weight. They just say, "move more, eat less" and expect someone who has struggled his/her whole life with weight to be able to apply that into something useful. The truth is it is a complete lifestyle change. Not a lot of trainers have themselves had to go through this so they don't understand their own clients.

I'm not saying a person who has struggled with weight automatically makes a better trainer. But that person has an element of insight into what someone who is losing weight is going through.

Not all trainers are created equal. There are trainers who did an online certification and then there are trainers who are legitimate coaches. Unfortunately a lot of people who are just beginning don't know the difference.

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“treat fitness like a religion” Do you know anyone who goes to Crossfit? I do believe HIIT works, but I want to vomit when I listen go members go on about the greatness of Crossfit.
Ah, yes, Crossfit. The fifth of the world's five great religions (Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Athiesm, and Crossfit). I won't get into the argument of if it works or not, or if it's superior to conventional training. Suffice to say my single biggest gripe with it is the way crossfitters show absolutely no respect for any other type of training. If you aren't doing crossfit you aren't functionally fit. And of course, they define functionally fit as "doing crossfit" so they give themselves a feeling of exclusivity.

I'll be off topic quick though if I continue. A lot of people like it, and thrive at it, and good for them. It causes a lot of injuries, so buyer beware. Ultimately it is not the topic of this thread, but I can't read or hear about it without rolling my eyes and groaning.
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Old 06-02-2016, 04:20 PM   #35
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What drives a guy to hit the gym every day and achieve really high levels of fitness? For some it may be purely personal satisfaction. But for many it will be in some part either the general approval it gets (which can also turn into concrete advantages in life), or for impressing women.

...
When I was 18 I really really wanted to be thin. I spent most of my second semester of college in the weightroom (with predictable effect upon my GPA). I managed to get down to 185 lbs and into size 32 jeans (I was 6'3" at the time). For the first time in my life women paid attention to me in a good way. Unfortunately I've never been able to maintain the effort it takes to keep my body thin. Some people may be able to go to school, advance their career, and raise a family and still be able to put in enough time at the gym to remain thin. I was never able to do it (at least not for extended periods of time).
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Old 06-02-2016, 04:26 PM   #36
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When I've been thinner my experiences with women have always been better than when I've been fatter. This hasn't done much to enhance my general view of women. While their are obviously exceptions, my general experience is that women are actually more shallow and more fixated on looks than men.
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Old 06-03-2016, 06:38 AM   #37
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When I was 18 I really really wanted to be thin. I spent most of my second semester of college in the weightroom (with predictable effect upon my GPA). I managed to get down to 185 lbs and into size 32 jeans (I was 6'3" at the time). For the first time in my life women paid attention to me in a good way. Unfortunately I've never been able to maintain the effort it takes to keep my body thin. Some people may be able to go to school, advance their career, and raise a family and still be able to put in enough time at the gym to remain thin. I was never able to do it (at least not for extended periods of time).
I'm planning to make use of my school's gym, not to lose weight but to build some muscle under my fat so I can carry more weight without having trouble getting around and doing things.
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Old 06-03-2016, 09:08 AM   #38
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When I've been thinner my experiences with women have always been better than when I've been fatter. This hasn't done much to enhance my general view of women. While their are obviously exceptions, my general experience is that women are actually more shallow and more fixated on looks than men.
I have a question for you.. Do you think that maybe it had something to do with you maybe being more confident and maybe more assertive when you are thinner because you perceived yourself to be more conventionally attractive and therefore commanded more positive attention?

Also........

I think it is a pretty even playing field now when it comes to shallow people. Things were ok and permissible when it is only men looking for "trophy" wives. Now that some women are doing the same thing, it becomes "women are more shallow than men"

I say what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Men just don't like being subjected to the kind of treatment they as a whole have exerted over women. Now that the tables are being turned, they don't like it.

Sorry.. let me clear up somethings.
1- I am not saying BigMac does any of this.
2- When I say men.. I dont mean every male on the planet. There just seem to be a lot more men with this mentality being verbal than there are men that don't think this way.
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Old 06-03-2016, 10:16 AM   #39
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I tend to think that we call someone shallow when they overlook our qualities, because they value other qualities more. After all, even looks do have real value – in how people are treated in life but also as a proxy for overall health (granted that modern life, with medicine, cosmetics, cheap nutrition, fashion and cosmetic surgery blur the ‘smooth skin and high degree of facial symmetry must mean strong immune system and good genetics’ but at some fundamental level our brains do work that way, from what I understand).

I mean, I’m pretty sure you could make at least a reasonable argument that for a woman with a good career, a good looking partner might be what brings the most value to their children, provided he meets some reasonable levels in other areas (I’m not claiming that it would be a winning argument in a debate, but I think it is at least a defensible position)

Is it more or less shallow to value a face (or butt, whatever) that pleases you over how wealthy the person is? Is it more shallow if they make you feel turned on or if they make you laugh? What about if they share your sexual kink versus your politics/religion/philosophy?
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Old 06-03-2016, 01:15 PM   #40
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I have a question for you.. Do you think that maybe it had something to do with you maybe being more confident and maybe more assertive when you are thinner because you perceived yourself to be more conventionally attractive and therefore commanded more positive attention?

Also........

I think it is a pretty even playing field now when it comes to shallow people. Things were ok and permissible when it is only men looking for "trophy" wives. Now that some women are doing the same thing, it becomes "women are more shallow than men"

I say what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Men just don't like being subjected to the kind of treatment they as a whole have exerted over women. Now that the tables are being turned, they don't like it.
Solid. I certainly am not accusing BigMac of the latter two paragraphs but there are a lot of guys out there who are. Pretty much any guy who has subscribed to the "manosphere" or "MGTOW" or called another man a "mangina" (or attempted to revoke another's "man card") can be described by these two paragraphs. Bitter and angry that the tables have turned on them, lashing out at any and all women and any man who values women and places them in high regard.

Personally I maintain men are far more shallow and/or motivated by appearance than are women. I don't mean to undermine or dismiss another person's experiences and I don't consider my observations universally right. However as a long time pursuer of overweight women one thing I've repeatedly encountered is surprise that a fit guy would want to be with a fat woman. Having been in groups with some BHM over the years, I've encountered a lot of them who are shocked/offended that a woman would turn him down due to not being attracted to him. The underlying message I've had reinforced over the years is fat women do not expect fit/reasonably good looking men to be interested in them and men, regardless of body type to expect women to be interested in them. Certainly there are exceptions, but the trend has been pretty reliable over the years.
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Old 06-03-2016, 01:56 PM   #41
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Tad, I have always thought that there has to be some kind of physical attraction you have towards a person you don't know and meet at a bar/club. bowling alley, etc. There is nothing else you know about that other person other than they appeal to you physically. An "external" attraction. There is nothing wrong with that. It is how most people get to know each other when there isn't someone to introduce them.

There is also the slow attraction of knowing someone very well. You fall in love with who they are and that is a different kind of attraction because it is an "internal" attraction. This can lead to something romantic, or just friendship.

Personally, I believe that confidence and feeling good about yourself goes a long way in attracting someone. JMHP
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Last edited by lucca23v2; 06-09-2016 at 06:29 PM. Reason: Fixed a sentence
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Old 06-03-2016, 02:05 PM   #42
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I say what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Men just don't like being subjected to the kind of treatment they as a whole have exerted over women. Now that the tables are being turned, they don't like it.
I hope women in the future will not treat mean as we have treated them. Otherwise we, men, won't like it at all. In some parts of the world tables aren't yet being turned, and I hope they'll be quickly.
I don't know why but I believe women, in general have more wisdom than men.
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Old 06-03-2016, 08:35 PM   #43
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I have a question for you.. Do you think that maybe it had something to do with you maybe being more confident and maybe more assertive when you are thinner because you perceived yourself to be more conventionally attractive and therefore commanded more positive attention?

...

Sorry but I think the power of positive thinking thing is a bunch of BS.


http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2014/12...what-does.html


http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/26/op...-thinking.html
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Old 06-03-2016, 08:42 PM   #44
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...

Personally, I believe that confidence and feeling good about yourself goes a long way in attracting someone. JMHP

The only time my attitude ever attracted a female was one night when, after an argument with my girlfriend, I rode my motorcycle very fast and recklessly to a notorious dive bar with the intent of fighting someone -- anyone (hey I was 19).

As I was leaning on the cigarette machine glowering at the world I was approached by a very pretty blonde. Turns out her boyfriend was doing some time in the local correctional facility and she needed someone to sand in for awhile.
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Old 06-03-2016, 08:57 PM   #45
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Sorry but I think the power of positive thinking thing is a bunch of BS.


http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2014/12...what-does.html


http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/26/op...-thinking.html
I didn't say positive thinking. There are times when we accomplish something that we though we would not be able to and when we complete it we are so proud of ourselves that it carries over to other things. It gives you extra confidence. I think that when you have that extra confidence it is hard for others to ignore you. You carry yourself differently when you have confidence in yourself.
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Old 06-04-2016, 04:06 AM   #46
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I say what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Men just don't like being subjected to the kind of treatment they as a whole have exerted over women. Now that the tables are being turned, they don't like it.
150% subscribe to this assessment.

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The only time my attitude ever attracted a female was one night when, after an argument with my girlfriend, I rode my motorcycle very fast and recklessly to a notorious dive bar with the intent of fighting someone -- anyone (hey I was 19).

As I was leaning on the cigarette machine glowering at the world I was approached by a very pretty blonde. Turns out her boyfriend was doing some time in the local correctional facility and she needed someone to sand in for awhile.
Sorry - but your views of how to garner attention from the opposite sex seem to come directly out of a badly scripted romance novel or C-class rom-com.

Which educated person beyond their early 20's honestly still expects to find love at first sight in a bar???

The vast majority of humanity of both sexes is not that attractive to inspire love at first sight. It is mostly a mix of factors - looks, attitude, voice, some common ground, a connecting point - that inspires true interest and attraction for anything more than a quick lay.
And with the latter we're back to the question again of how men and women are traditionally socialized.


In general - it would do this entire thread good if posters took a closer look at actual historic and sociological facts instead of only their personal micro-census.
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Old 06-04-2016, 10:49 AM   #47
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...

Personally I maintain men are far more shallow and/or motivated by appearance than are women. ...
I have no doubt that men talk more shit about fat women. But when push comes to shove guys actions diverge from their talk. I've heard lots of guys say they'd dump/divorce their girl if she got fat. However, they never actually do. Women, however, have no problem dumping guys who get fat (they'll seldom admit that was the reason but its usually pretty obvious).
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Old 06-04-2016, 10:58 AM   #48
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...

And with the latter we're back to the question again of how men and women are traditionally socialized.

In general - it would do this entire thread good if posters took a closer look at actual historic and sociological facts instead of only their personal micro-census.
The traditional script is dead. At the low end of the socioeconomic ladder guys can no longer support families -- indeed they are often a financial liability. These guys better have looks -- otherwise they're SOL. At the high end women are no longer financially dependant. A good career is no longer enough to land a high status woman. High status guys now have to go to the gym as well as grad school.
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Old 06-04-2016, 11:19 AM   #49
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I have no doubt that men talk more shit about fat women. But when push comes to shove guys actions diverge from their talk. I've heard lots of guys say they'd dump/divorce their girl if she got fat. However, they never actually do. Women, however, have no problem dumping guys who get fat (they'll seldom admit that was the reason but its usually pretty obvious).
How can you verify this? I think it happens both ways, but to make a statement that it is more prevalent one way or the other I am not certain can be verified beyond "my observations."
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Old 06-04-2016, 01:13 PM   #50
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I have no doubt that men talk more shit about fat women. But when push comes to shove guys actions diverge from their talk. I've heard lots of guys say they'd dump/divorce their girl if she got fat. However, they never actually do. Women, however, have no problem dumping guys who get fat (they'll seldom admit that was the reason but its usually pretty obvious).
I am not sure about this statement. Men might not admit that is why they are dumping their wives so they have affairs because they no longer find their wife attractive and in the divorce papers say that she was not giving him enough sex.. but that is a broad statement. Does this statement mean she is refusing him, or is it that he no longer wants to initiate sex and turns her down when she does because he is no longer physically attracted to her?

As far as women, well.. with things being "equal" more women are being vocal about not liking how their men have gained weight and that they will leave said husband if he doesn't lose the weight, but I honestly have not found that to be the case in most situations.
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