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Old 04-28-2017, 01:31 PM   #1
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Default Wife has lost weight- Does it get easier?

This is my first post here. Dimensions was actually the first site of its kind that I browsed way back in 2000 when I first discovered I had this preference. I loved the fact that there was community out there of men and women who embraced size acceptance. It actually helped me come to grips with my preference after being told specifically by one woman, "You must be gay if you don't want this." So anyway, I've clearly been lurking for a really long time, and it's a shame that this has to be my first post, but I am looking for some advice from those who have a preference for curvier women because I think it is seriously damaging my marriage.

I've known my wife for 14 years, we've been married for five of those years. When I first met her, I thought she was perfect. Smart, career-oriented, funny with an incredible body. It was basically exactly what I wanted in a woman. When we first met, she was about 145 and 5'4, but her weight fluctuated throughout our time together. In university, she decided to diet and lost about 15 lbs. Initially, I supported her in this, but I didn't like the result in the end. She ended up gaining the weight back (although it wasn't something I pushed), but her weight has been a running theme in our relationship. I used to hate when she went to the gym (until I started going myself and learned how hard it is to lose weight), and while I didn't tell her this, my passive aggressive attitude likely told her what I thought. Putting that bit of asshole behaviour aside, this running theme of her weight came up on several occasions. When clothes didn't fit or when she was feeling unattractive, I always told her that she was beautiful. I hoped that she would accept, that she would eventually see in herself what I had seen all along, and there were times when I got through. But she always had issues with her body. This is a girl whose grandmother told her that her thighs were fat at 5 years old. But still i tried to make her feel comfortable in her body with varying degrees of success. I should note that she never hated her body, but there were always things that she wanted to change (like pretty much every person on the planet). She also wasn't trying to diet all the time and lose the weight. She was just someone who wasn't entirely happy with their body.

With kids, she gained some weight (up to 160 when we were married) and then back to her regular weight. However, a year after our second child was born, my wife lost about thirty five pounds (she is now about 110-115). It wasn't through anything she was actively trying to do (wasn't going to gym excessively or really dieting). It had everything to do with a food intolerance test and some wacky post-pregnancy hormones. The weight tumbled off of her and with that her curves too. After this happened, we went through a very, very difficult patch, going to counselling both couples and private. My therapist told me that if I just told my wife that I loved her, that she was beautiful, and that I showed her that then things would work out. He gave the example of a man whose wife had gained a significant amount of weight. Eventually, the wife started being active again with the support of her husband and everything turned out fine. Those of us with this preference know that most women, however, don't want to gain weight. I have never known a woman who wanted to gain weight beyond these forums basically. Is my wife happy with her body? No, of course not. Like when she was 145, she still doesn't like aspects of her body. In fact, she is judged now for being so small, with the clerk who hemmed her pants asking, "Do you even eat?" Her co-workers are surprised she eats fast food, likely think she is bulimic. I touched her hip the other day, and she said it felt gross. My therapist told me that basically I had to 'grieve' my wife's old body, and that once I did and came to acceptance that things would be OK.

I honestly feel like I am still grieving her body a year later. I've done my best to accept it, to show interest in her (even though I can't hide the fact that I am just not nearly as attracted to her as I used to be). I miss her curves, and the excitement that they would elicit when I would massage her legs or just touch her body. I find myself having to avoid areas on her body like angular hips and collar bones and the fact that she barely has a chest. I don't look at her the same way, and I am not a person who can hide these things. She knows that I used to love touching her body all over, and I just can't any longer. I honestly hate this preference because I feel like no matter how hard I try I can't get over how she used to look (can't look at pictures of her from before the loss) and how her body felt. It is why I stopped coming to Curvage or Dimensions or looking at any curvy women on the net. I've stopped reading weight gain stories. I hadn't been on the site for anything except research for my problem for over a year now.

I feel like a shallow asshole who is basically putting far too much emphasis on looks, and it has seriously impacted our relationship. My wife doesn't understand why I put so much emphasis on how she looks, why I care. So I'm asking, does it get any easier? Is this something that I will come to accept for someone that I love? Can I reprogram myself after nearly twenty years of looking and being attracted to larger women? Can you suggest any ways that I can deal with this? She is not going to gain weight on purpose, but she does feel guilty for losing the weight, but she is also very resentful because she doesn't feel as wanted anymore. She said that she could gain the weight, but she would resent me for it, and I certainly don't want that. I feel too though that even if she does gain weight just over time that she will still resent me for it because suddenly I'll be a lot more interested because her weight has been a theme of our relationship.

I think for me, I just need to keep at it. Move toward acceptance, remember who my wife is, remind myself that I love her and just accept her body as it is. I understand that it is her body, and that it is her choice. I shouldn't push her in a direction to suit my preference. At the same time, how do I do that and be sincere in my intimacy with her? Sorry for the length of this. I hope at least a few people read it and know where I am coming from. But really does it get any easier? Am I going to be able to look at her the same way I used to?
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Old 04-28-2017, 02:39 PM   #2
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I find myself having to avoid areas on her body like angular hips and collar bones and the fact that she barely has a chest. I don't look at her the same way, and I am not a person who can hide these things. She knows that I used to love touching her body all over, and I just can't any longer.
Everything that you describe here is the reason why I'm still determined to stay single. I couldn't put myself in the kind of situation where this might happen to me, because I know how I'd react to it, and I wouldn't want any woman (much less the woman I love) to suffer through my reactions to her change.

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I feel like a shallow asshole who is basically putting far too much emphasis on looks, and it has seriously impacted our relationship. My wife doesn't understand why I put so much emphasis on how she looks, why I care.
Really? She hasn't attempted to understand that men, in general, have minds oriented towards the physical and the pragmatic, and therefore are unlikely to prioritize the abstract parts of a relationship? I find that more discouraging than anything else I've read in this post.

Don't get me wrong. You should also appreciate her other good qualities, but that doesn't mean you'll be able to feel attraction to someone who is none of the things you find physically attractive. She should be attempting to understand this, so that you can find a solution together.

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So I'm asking, does it get any easier? Is this something that I will come to accept for someone that I love? Can I reprogram myself after nearly twenty years of looking and being attracted to larger women?
I suspect this depends on what kind of person you are. A while back, I was watching a video about dating, where the person said that people usually feel more attracted to those they spend a lot of time with, and I was stunned, because my experiences have been not at all like that. I may feel more trusting of a person if I spend a lot of time with them, but attracted? Never. If I'm ever going to feel attracted to someone, it happens all the way, right away, from the first moment I see them. If not, months, years and decades spent with them make no difference at all.

Now, I've talked with a lot of people about this, and apparently, some of them didn't have this same kind of experience with their emotions. You might be like them, rather than like me. All I can say is what my own experiences have taught me; I can't "reprogram" myself to feel attraction for anyone who's thin, because it's not part of my programming. It's built into the very structure of my thoughts and feelings, and I know this because a deep appreciation for softness and smoothness have been evident in my behavior patterns since I was 4.

If you've been dealing with this for as long as you say you have, and your feelings show no signs of changing, it's possible that they won't. In that case, I have two suggestions.

1. Determine whether your wife can be trusted to help you cope with your discomfort over her diminishment. If she is legitimately interested in the success of the relationship, and cares about your mental and emotional state, she may be willing to help on her end (not necessarily by gaining weight, but there may be other solutions, and she should have some part in finding them if she's willing.) If she is willing, then by all means, accept her help. You're united to her for life, and no friend or partner can be more important than a loving wife.

2. However, if your wife is determined not to help you with this issue, or even to understand why it's an issue, I urge you not to torment yourself needlessly. I'm not aware of any wedding vow that says "I pledge to feel attracted to her in sickness/health, etc..." Try to do right by her as best you can, because you've made a promise to do so, and on your end, it will make you a better man. However, I don't see any reason why you should sacrifice the comforts of your imagination just because it shows the real world to be a poor and unrewarding place. Perhaps, with practice, you'll be able to train your senses to perceive things differently than they are. It took me years, but I can usually do that if I'm not busy with some other task, and it's made it much easier for me to keep up a smile in typical social situations.

Whatever you decide, the one thing you should never do is feel guilty about your emotions. You should only feel guilty when you make a bad choice, and none of us gets to choose what our emotions are going to be, or what stimuli they'll react to.

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She said that she could gain the weight, but she would resent me for it, and I certainly don't want that. I feel too though that even if she does gain weight just over time that she will still resent me for it because suddenly I'll be a lot more interested because her weight has been a theme of our relationship.
Well, as I said, there may be other solutions. Just see if you can brainstorm and think some up.

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I understand that it is her body, and that it is her choice.
Wait. I'm confused. I thought you said this person was your wife. The concept of marriage entails that the two become one flesh, so it's not really proper to speak of a married woman in individualistic terms, or did you mean something different than that when you said "wife?"

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Am I going to be able to look at her the same way I used to?
As I said, this depends. For some, the answer is apparently yes. It wouldn't work for me, though. This is why I always cease pursuing someone if they show any sign of wanting to be thin. It's the one thing about myself that I can't change.

P.S.: My poem was a bit about this. If you want, you can check it out. It's in the "Fine Arts" section.
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Old 04-28-2017, 02:46 PM   #3
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Wait. I'm confused. I thought you said this person was your wife. The concept of marriage entails that the two become one flesh, so it's not really proper to speak of a married woman in individualistic terms, or did you mean something different than that when you said "wife?"
And this is the reason that women don't want to date you, to be blunt. Women, regardless of who their partner is, are individual people and another person's body does not belong to you, regardless of whether or not you married them. It's actually quite distressing that this is something I should have to point out.
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Old 04-28-2017, 02:49 PM   #4
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And this is the reason that women don't want to date you, to be blunt. Women, regardless of who their partner is, are individual people and another person's body does not belong to you, regardless of whether or not you married them. It's actually quite distressing that this is something I should have to point out.
That's simply not the case in marriage. Marriage, by definition, is a full pledging of oneself to the other for the rest of one's life. A partial pledge is not a marriage. You can't really be "married" and hold onto your selfishness. That's why I made it a point to encourage him to use this difficulty as an opportunity to work together with his wife. It should be his new "normal," because they are one now.

As for the opening dig, I think you might be right, in a sense. I think most people *are* too self-centered to make a serious commitment; at least where I live.
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Old 04-28-2017, 04:19 PM   #5
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That's simply not the case in marriage. Marriage, by definition, is a full pledging of oneself to the other for the rest of one's life. A partial pledge is not a marriage. You can't really be "married" and hold onto your selfishness. That's why I made it a point to encourage him to use this difficulty as an opportunity to work together with his wife. It should be his new "normal," because they are one now.

As for the opening dig, I think you might be right, in a sense. I think most people *are* too self-centered to make a serious commitment; at least where I live.
So....are you married? Or have you ever been?
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Old 04-28-2017, 04:30 PM   #6
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So....are you married? Or have you ever been?
No and no.
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Old 04-28-2017, 04:35 PM   #7
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^^^^That certainly explains the overly romantic sentiment I was picking up on.
Now I'm curious for real....you expect all this "sacrifice" from a mate...but in actuality marriage is more of a compromise.
So what do you plan your sacrifice for love to be? I'm asking since you've put a lot of thought into what you expect from a mate. Gotta give to get.
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Old 04-28-2017, 04:42 PM   #8
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^^^^That certainly explains the overly romantic sentiment I was picking up on.
Now I'm curious for real....you expect all this "sacrifice" from a mate...but in actuality marriage is more of a compromise.
So what do you plan your sacrifice for love to be? I'm asking since you've put a lot of thought into what you expect from a mate. Gotta give to get.
In a marriage, each gives of themselves willingly and fully. They make decisions together, rather than stubbornly insisting on their own way all the time. You can call this a "compromise" if you want to, but what it ultimately means is that, just as an tongue isn't constantly receiving taste, or an eye constantly receiving light, so each person in the whole gives up things that they want at times, for the sake of making the combined whole a stronger, healthier and happier one.

In short, if my wife wanted me to do everything in my power to lose weight for her, I would, in spite of it being the exact opposite of what I want, and in spite of the risks inherent to making the attempt. That, and anything of a lesser stripe, would be encompassed by the gift of marriage, and I can't think of any sacrifice more personal or difficult than that.

Also, I've gone into great detail on how central my need to express my sentiments is in other places. If you want to show me that mine is "wrong" or "bad," you'll need to do so with evidence.
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Old 04-28-2017, 04:46 PM   #9
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Dude, glad you can speak so confidently of something you've never tried and obviously have zero experience with. Bully for you and good luck
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Old 04-28-2017, 04:48 PM   #10
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Dude, glad you can speak so confidently of something you've never tried and obviously have zero experience with. Bully for you and good luck
Thank you.

There are lots of things I've never tried, and can still understand. Police work, medicine, chemistry, the priesthood, etc... I think we all have things like that.
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Old 04-28-2017, 04:49 PM   #11
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Your idea of marriage sounds a lot like the priesthood. But what do I know? Never been a priest....
Oh and yeah I know a lot about police work....I watch a lot of TV.
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Old 04-28-2017, 04:53 PM   #12
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Your idea of marriage sounds a lot like the priesthood. But what do I know? Never been a priest....
Oh and yeah I know a lot about police work....I watch a lot of TV.
Hmmm... Handbooks and instructional videos on police procedure are usually more reliable, and these days, no harder to find. And yes; actual marriage is indeed a vocation.
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Old 04-28-2017, 05:05 PM   #13
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Loopy - You know, it's not as simple as you put it. Physical appearance is the first thing that draws one person to another. It may go South as soon as that person opens their mouth or farts in public, but everyone has preferences. People have preferences of all shapes, sizes, colors and genders and when your SO changes outside the limits of your preference it changes your attraction to them. Suppose you married Bruce Jenner and ten years later he changes to a woman or your SO gains weight to the point that you have to take care of ALL his personal needs. Can you really say that your feelings towards him would remain unchanged?
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Old 04-28-2017, 05:19 PM   #14
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Loopy - You know, it's not as simple as you put it. Physical appearance is the first thing that draws one person to another. It may go South as soon as that person opens their mouth or farts in public, but everyone has preferences. People have preferences of all shapes, sizes, colors and genders and when your SO changes outside the limits of your preference it changes your attraction to them. Suppose you married Bruce Jenner and ten years later he changes to a woman or your SO gains weight to the point that you have to take care of ALL his personal needs. Can you really say that your feelings towards him would remain unchanged?
Maybe for some people it is, and that's fine.

I can genuinely say that neither of those things would bother me, no.

It's also not at all the same topic that I was actually talking about. All I said was that a person, regardless of gender and martial status, is in control of their own body. I didn't say anything about attraction etc etc.
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Old 04-28-2017, 05:31 PM   #15
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Maybe for some people it is, and that's fine.

I can genuinely say that neither of those things would bother me, no.

It's also not at all the same topic that I was actually talking about. All I said was that a person, regardless of gender and martial status, is in control of their own body. I didn't say anything about attraction etc etc.
Actually, what you said is that even married people are individual people and their bodies don't belong to others. Being "in control" in the sense of influencing its actions, was never disputed.

Also, if I may... It seems like MP is interpreting feelings of attraction as functions of the body, which they may or may not be, though I agree with much of what they said.
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Old 04-28-2017, 06:05 PM   #16
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Marriage isn't about ownership. Everyone needs to get that reallyyyyy stupid notion out of their heads if they really wish to have an adult, realistic and actual conversation.
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Old 04-28-2017, 06:09 PM   #17
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Marriage isn't about ownership. Everyone needs to get that reallyyyyy stupid notion out of their heads if they really wish to have an adult, realistic and actual conversation.
Marriage is mutual, and ownership (in an economic sense) is private. In that sense, the two are different, but only if we're talking about traditional (actual) marriage.

In terms of discussions, though, a lot of this will depend on what kind of culture you live in. Not every culture in the world treats marriage the same way.
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Old 04-28-2017, 06:39 PM   #18
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I feel like most people have completely ignored OP's question in order to bicker about other things. Though, given the other things, it's understandable.

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Originally Posted by modraneth View Post
I have never known a woman who wanted to gain weight beyond these forums basically. Is my wife happy with her body? No, of course not. Like when she was 145, she still doesn't like aspects of her body. In fact, she is judged now for being so small, with the clerk who hemmed her pants asking, "Do you even eat?" Her co-workers are surprised she eats fast food, likely think she is bulimic. I touched her hip the other day, and she said it felt gross.

But really does it get any easier? Am I going to be able to look at her the same way I used to?
Sorry you have to deal with this situation. It sounds like it's kind of a bad experience for you both. I've had similar experiences, though I've never been married, the timeframe has been way shorter, and the circumstances were different in a few other ways. But I can relate to your passive aggressive attitude about the gym, etc. For some reason, these sort of reactions seem incredibly difficult--if not impossible--to think yourself out of. You know it's shitty even while you're doing it, but it still happens.

I think a lot depends on how exactly you're an FA. For me personally, I only have physical sexual attraction to men who are at least a little chubby. I am just not attracted to thin/fit men, in a way that just turns me off to sex completely once the infatuation wears off. It's a neurotic thing too. I find comfort in a softer partner and my brain just scrambles when that's threatened. Does it get easier? I have no idea. But you've known your wife for 14 years and this has been a running theme in the relationship. And you're still struggling after a year. I feel like, unless you really try to find some alternate solutions--other things to fantasize about, ways to incorporate being an FA without her gaining weight--then you're both in for a rough time. Your therapist's advice of merely "grieving" for her body seems not very helpful. You need to proactively find ways to boost your libido and attraction. It'll take some work, if it's possible.

But it does sound like your wife has body image issues no matter what. She wasn't happy bigger, and even aside from your own preferences (given what other people have said to her,) it doesn't sound like she's having a great time now either. And that's pretty sad. I think for her own sake, if she's doing therapy, she should find a way to be more secure about herself no matter how she looks. Again, probably not easy.

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Really? She hasn't attempted to understand that men, in general, have minds oriented towards the physical and the pragmatic, and therefore are unlikely to prioritize the abstract parts of a relationship? I find that more discouraging than anything else I've read in this post.
More discouraging than anything? His wife seems to feel unattractive no matter what and that's probably a pretty bad way to feel. For one, you're making generalizations about all men. I'm a female FA and that description fits me. Some men just aren't wired that way. Some women are. And everything in between. But I think someone can understand importance of physical attraction perfectly well and still have these sorts of problems.

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There are lots of things I've never tried, and can still understand. Police work, medicine, chemistry, the priesthood, etc... I think we all have things like that.
Research shows that people think they know how to do something after watching that thing be done, but actually do not have the skill in question at all. Because it takes actual, hands-on practice to learn. You can read an instruction manual and, in the abstract, understand how something works. You have a sort of factual knowledge about it. "Know-how" is totally different. You can't get it unless you do it and figure out how to do it well. So there are two different senses of "understand" here and that's a source of conflict. If understanding something in the relevant way for performance was a merely factual matter, no one would suck at cooking after reading a recipe book.

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I can genuinely say that neither of those things would bother me, no.
I think this kind of illustrates the last point. I think it's easy to say things like this in the abstract, when you haven't actually been in such a situation. People are notoriously bad at projecting into the future and knowing how they would react to things. Surely the stress of taking care of all of someone's personal needs, while staying financial stable, is utterly overwhelming and presents more problems than one might first imagine (even if you imagine a lot.)

But this doesn't apply to all situations. Some are likely as straightforward as they may seem.
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Old 04-28-2017, 07:12 PM   #19
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I feel like most people have completely ignored OP's question in order to bicker about other things.
It's sad, isn't it? I read through that whole first post and reply to various points, and rather than do the same, or offer alternative positions, most other comments seem more interested in arguing.

In a way, though, I think it underscores the need for topics like this one to be discussed. I've said this before, but there's a massive double standard about this kind of issue, where one person in a relationship is selected as having "acceptable" feelings, which should be coddled, and the other is treated as pond scum, or at the very least, is treated as though their feelings are bad in some way. I like to hear people talking about this problem, because really, the OP makes me feel a bit less lonely.

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More discouraging than anything? His wife seems to feel unattractive no matter what and that's probably a pretty bad way to feel.
True, but if there's one thing everyone seems to want to teach FAs, it's that their feelings don't matter. I've basically learned to focus less on feelings and more on conduct from that alone.

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For one, you're making generalizations about all men.
I didn't say "all men." I said men "in general." This section is intended to outline a helpful rule of thumb; not to account for every tiny exception to it.

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Research shows that people think they know how to do something after watching that thing be done, but actually do not have the skill in question at all.
Which research shows this? You've cited no findings. Until you do, any reply I make will be a straw man, because there's nothing here to argue against.

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Because it takes actual, hands-on practice to learn.
An unsupported assertion.

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Originally Posted by Amaranthine View Post
You can't get it unless you do it and figure out how to do it well.
My word! There are so many ways to refute this, I'm not sure which one to pick! I could refer to all of modern schooling, or to the designing of programs and machines to do things that human beings can't do without them. I could quote the greatest philosophers of history on the power of the mind and its ability to learn through the five methods of proof (only one of which is "experience,") or show the power of memorization of mathematics; things which can be learned through reflection and contemplation, rather than active practice. For the moment, though, I think a modest approach will be better.

Do you seriously think Neil Armstrong, Edwin Aldrin and Michael Collins knew nothing about how to pilot a spacecraft, prior to having done so?

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Originally Posted by Amaranthine View Post
So there are two different senses of "understand" here and that's a source of conflict. If understanding something in the relevant way for performance was a merely factual matter, no one would suck at cooking after reading a recipe book.
The problem with the cooking issue is that some people are bad at following instructions, managing their ingredients and keeping a timetable. It's not that they need more hands-on experience. The recipes are indeed good enough, when they're written well.

As a final note...

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People are notoriously bad at projecting into the future and knowing how they would react to things.
Strange. I've never really had much trouble with that. My emotions are rarely helpful, but they're quite predictable and single-minded.
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Old 04-28-2017, 07:29 PM   #20
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It's sad, isn't it? I read through that whole first post and reply to various points, and rather than do the same, or offer alternative positions, most other comments seem more interested in arguing.

In a way, though, I think it underscores the need for topics like this one to be discussed. I've said this before, but there's a massive double standard about this kind of issue, where one person in a relationship is selected as having "acceptable" feelings, which should be coddled, and the other is treated as pond scum, or at the very least, is treated as though their feelings are bad in some way. I like to hear people talking about this problem, because really, the OP makes me feel a bit less lonely.
I'm not going to perpetuate that by arguing. There are a few threads like this, in the FA/FFA subform. I would recommend perusing through there for extra insight.
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Old 04-28-2017, 10:16 PM   #21
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Back to the OP its your wife's body she can lose weight if she wants to.
If you fall out of love with her over her weight loss what does that say about you as a person?
It says you don't love her for who she is as a person and that does make you an asshole.
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Old 04-28-2017, 11:25 PM   #22
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Back to the OP its your wife's body she can lose weight if she wants to.
If you fall out of love with her over her weight loss what does that say about you as a person?
It says you don't love her for who she is as a person and that does make you an asshole.
Two swords if you have never been married you need to quit acting like you know all about it.
I think you need to go back and read what I wrote. I haven't fallen out of love with her. Our sex life has been hugely impacted by this. I find it interesting that many people here seem to be glossing over that fact and equating this lack of attraction with a lack of love. Many of you are simplifying the problem to just, well love her. Of course that is what I am doing, but it is an issue of a sincere intimacy. This preference runs deep and it has been supported and strengthened by years of media that has conditioned my brain. My question is, is a sincere intimacy possible, can I uncondition myself. You will note that I said in my post specifically that I understand that it is her body. I am not denying that.
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Old 04-29-2017, 04:41 AM   #23
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OP, for context, how old are you and your wife?

I have a few thoughts on your post. First, I don't think it makes you a "shallow asshole" just because you have a preference that she no longer fits. But you have to be careful here (and it seems you've acknowledged that) because you don't want to run the risk of long term resentment. Now if your wife were happy at her smaller size I'd be more inclined to suggest you were being selfish; however, that does not seem to be the case.

And while your preference is important, obviously in a marriage individual preferences have to sometimes take a backseat. This applies to everything: money, time, and physical characteristics of one's partner. Again, you seem to have at least an understanding of this, so that's a good thing. That also means she should respect your preferences just as much as you respect hers, and if you're not careful that can lead to an impasse.

With that said, her preference when it comes to her body is a bit of a mystery since she doesn't seem to be happy at any weight. Believe it or not, she's not alone in that regard. Plenty of women in our culture today are not happy with themselves for a variety of reasons. Weight, shape, skin tone, you name it. I'm the furthest thing from a feminist you'll ever find, but even I can acknowledge society puts an immense amount of pressure on women to look a certain way, project a certain image, and exude certain qualities and often these are not realistic. Thankfully a lot of women don't buy that B.S. but many do. And in some cases it's subconscious. Your wife may not be browsing the SI Swimsuit issue comparing herself to the highly photoshopped images therein but she may be making comparisons elsewhere without even realizing it.

Have you ever actually asked her head on why she is unhappy with her body? If not, plan a conversation where you can sit down with no distractions and talk all night about if need be. Drill into that issue and see what lies beneath. It's not likely you as her husband will ever be able to convince her to be happy with her body: That has to come from her. I learned this with my wife. But you can be supportive and offer validation where she needs it from time to time. You're more likely going to be able to do this if you are more in tune with what's underneath the hood so to speak.

If you can work together to help her improve her self image, I'm confident the weight issue in your preference will solve itself too. It's amazing what you can put aside for someone else when you love them and care about their happiness. I'm confident that once you see your wife happier in her own body (regardless of weight) you'll find that preference may not have been as important as you thought it was.

Best wishes to you, OP.
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Old 04-29-2017, 04:45 AM   #24
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I saw this yesterday and it made my head hurt. I am somewhat surprised at the amount of time spent on this.
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Old 04-29-2017, 04:56 AM   #25
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I saw this yesterday and it made my head hurt. I am somewhat surprised at the amount of time spent on this.
Don't worry I copied the text from another place that isn't so judgmental. I have to say that for a size acceptance site there are many judgmental people here. I didn't expect sympathy on this, but I didn't expect the level of sniping either.
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