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Old 07-03-2017, 07:04 AM   #1
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Default What's most important?

I've got a question that has been bugging me ever since I joined this community (which hasn't been that long).

What is the most important characteristic when choosing a potential mate/spouse/significant other? Or just someone simply to date or get to know?

BEFORE YOU ANSWER!
I know that it usually takes more than one criteria for a person to be found worthy to spend your time, love, compassion, and intimacy with. But what I'm asking is, what is that one, single thing that, for you gets the ball rolling? What's that one thing that intrigues you enough to want to invest more time in getting to know that person a little more? What is that single thing that you just can't do without? What intrinsic trait do they possess that you just must have in your life?

No need to be politically correct (although most of the folks whose posts I've read aren't concerned with that anyway).

I'd like to thank any who answer in advance. Thanks!!
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Old 07-03-2017, 04:16 PM   #2
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Old 07-03-2017, 05:00 PM   #3
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Character. Will this person be honest with me? Is she compassionate or self-centered? Generous -- not just with money, but with her time and attention -- or greedy? Resourceful or a drama queen? Independent or a clinging vine? Beauty and youth are charming, but they don't last; integrity does.
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Old 07-04-2017, 04:25 AM   #4
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Default Very Specific!

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Those really deep swirly and complicated elbow-dimple-area formations. The goodness all radiates outward from there...
I certainly like that you've mentioned something that's very specific and certainly fits within the context of the question. I will endeavor to pay more attention to that area from now on. Thanks for your post!
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Old 07-04-2017, 05:06 AM   #5
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Default Valid Point.

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Originally Posted by Dr. Feelgood View Post
Character. Will this person be honest with me? Is she compassionate or self-centered? Generous -- not just with money, but with her time and attention -- or greedy? Resourceful or a drama queen? Independent or a clinging vine? Beauty and youth are charming, but they don't last; integrity does.
You make a very valid point: A person's character is the one thing that can't be covered by makeup, hidden by clothing, or enhanced by surgery. Thanks for the post!
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Old 07-04-2017, 08:24 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by BigElectricKat View Post
I've got a question that has been bugging me ever since I joined this community (which hasn't been that long).

What is the most important characteristic when choosing a potential mate/spouse/significant other? Or just someone simply to date or get to know?

BEFORE YOU ANSWER!
I know that it usually takes more than one criteria for a person to be found worthy to spend your time, love, compassion, and intimacy with. But what I'm asking is, what is that one, single thing that, for you gets the ball rolling? What's that one thing that intrigues you enough to want to invest more time in getting to know that person a little more? What is that single thing that you just can't do without? What intrinsic trait do they possess that you just must have in your life?

No need to be politically correct (although most of the folks whose posts I've read aren't concerned with that anyway).

I'd like to thank any who answer in advance. Thanks!!
I honestly don't know. I don't think there is a single one. I have at least four, without which no relationship can even get off the ground. But, in order of importance...

Ethics/Honesty
Maturity/Self-Control
A Sympathetic Appreciation of My Feelings
Softness

Know that the least important of these, if discarded, will make the whole relationship pointless. These are the bare minimum. Relationships are costly, time-consuming and difficult, and these, at least, must be present to make them worth it. Ethics and Honesty alone won't do. A person can be honest and ethical about how much they think I'm a weirdo, and none of the others is sufficient if the person is likely to stab me in the back. All must be present.
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Old 07-24-2017, 02:15 PM   #7
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I ended up marrying the first woman I seriously dated, so I don't really have a big enough data set to say 'this is the thing that made things move along.'

In my one real relationship, to be honest, it all started as an intent to date casually, and built from there (up until then I'd been looking for 'the one', then one day it occurred to me that when I did meet 'the one' it might be good to have at least basic dating skills so that I didn't scare them away, and so I set out to find some fairly casual dates. I managed to fail spectacularly well at that plan). At that, there wasn't a single moment where I knew we'd gone from casual to serious, it was very much a progression.

So I'm going to have to go with 'serendipity.' Along with its cousin 'creating / being- open-to opportunity.'
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Old 07-24-2017, 03:37 PM   #8
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A sense of humor. A sweet sense of humor. One who isn't mean spirited and dark, or ugly.

Of course I want to be with someone I know I can trust. Honesty is huge. Someone kind and thoughtful. I like to be with confident, optimistic, and loving people.

But, if I'm laughing, that's the first foot in the door.
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Old 07-24-2017, 11:05 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by BigElectricKat View Post
what is that one, single thing that, for you gets the ball rolling?

I'd like to thank any who answer in advance. Thanks!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoSwords View Post
I honestly don't know. I don't think there is a single one. I have at least four, without which no relationship can even get off the ground. But, in order of importance...

Ethics/Honesty
Maturity/Self-Control
A Sympathetic Appreciation of My Feelings
Softness
BigElectricKat :
Interesting question-but, for me I see it as two parts...

1. If you are looking for the one single thing that gets the ball rolling... there has to be some level of physical and then intellectual attraction (something about the person that captures/sustains your interest. To proceed further). This is what would get my attention at first...

2. Now what sustains the relationship can be other qualities that come to play that Jeannie, Tad, TwoSwords and Dr. Feelgood have mentioned. Ned's answer would relate more to my first point....
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Old 07-25-2017, 12:22 AM   #10
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Someone who makes me happy and can keep up with me intellectually. I have a pretty wide range of tastes, physically speaking; fat or thin, male or female, any color that human beings come in, they can all be beautiful in their own way. The part that really gets me going is when I just feel better being around them. When I can talk with them about everything and nothing, when I can geek out talking about science and they'll tell me things I didn't already know, when they let me help them when they need it and they're willing to help me when I need it. When they make me laugh, make me smile, make me want to hug them and if I do they hug me back. When I can be vulnerable around them and trust that they won't take advantage of me. And when we fight, we can work through our issues like adults and fix the problem.

Oh, and someone who doesn't have or want kids. Kids are a dealbreaker for me. They can be cute and fun and amusing, I wish the children of the world all the best, I just don't want to live with one. I would walk away from Mr. or Ms. Right if they had their heart set on kids, because I wouldn't want to deprive them of something important to them but I also want to be true to myself.
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Old 07-29-2017, 03:25 PM   #11
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*Being able to trust him- with most things

*He must treat me well and not take me for granted

*He has to appreciate me the way I am

These should be no brainers, IMO, but can be elusive
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Old 07-29-2017, 10:29 PM   #12
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... What is that single thing that you just can't do without? What intrinsic trait do they possess that you just must have in your life?...
To be honest, the lady must be fat. Sorry for that answer but I'm exclusively into fat women.
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Old 08-01-2017, 02:16 PM   #13
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Someone who is inspiring to me. Where something about her makes me want to be better than who I am. That make any sense?
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Old 08-03-2017, 03:35 PM   #14
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Someone who is inspiring to me. Where something about her makes me want to be better than who I am. That make any sense?
I think most people understand inspiration on some level. It's just that different things tend to inspire different people, so in practice, it's a bit hard to manufacture that.

Essentially, though, I agree. All the criteria I gave are needed for me to feel inspired as well.
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Old 08-03-2017, 07:54 PM   #15
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Old 08-04-2017, 05:29 AM   #16
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Thumbs up Yay!

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Originally Posted by Jeannie View Post
A sense of humor. A sweet sense of humor. One who isn't mean spirited and dark, or ugly.

Of course I want to be with someone I know I can trust. Honesty is huge. Someone kind and thoughtful. I like to be with confident, optimistic, and loving people.

But, if I'm laughing, that's the first foot in the door.
I think that a sense of humor is very important. You ever notice that when you are around someone who makes you laugh, they seem to bbecome more attractive to you?
Thanks for responding.
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Old 08-04-2017, 05:47 AM   #17
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Question Just fat?

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To be honest, the lady must be fat. Sorry for that answer but I'm exclusively into fat women.
So, any fat woman will do? That is the only thing that will be special about her? That's odd to me (but what do I know, right?). Being fat doesn't make a person special. Neither does being blonde, tall, black, fit, flat chested, having a nice car, having two ears, or having a big butt make you special. *Ummm... maybe the butt thing is sorta special, especially if it has some nice shape and motion when she walks! but I digress*

I only ask this because, how is your woman supposed to feel happy, safe, special, and secure if all you care about is that a woman is fat? So,the next fat gal that comes walking/riding down the street, you'll dump your current and go after a new one? I'm just asking.
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Old 08-06-2017, 07:46 AM   #18
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So, any fat woman will do? That is the only thing that will be special about her? That's odd to me (but what do I know, right?). Being fat doesn't make a person special. Neither does being blonde, tall, black, fit, flat chested, having a nice car, having two ears, or having a big butt make you special. *Ummm... maybe the butt thing is sorta special, especially if it has some nice shape and motion when she walks! but I digress*

I only ask this because, how is your woman supposed to feel happy, safe, special, and secure if all you care about is that a woman is fat? So,the next fat gal that comes walking/riding down the street, you'll dump your current and go after a new one? I'm just asking.
I am in the same boat as Blockierer. I exclusively find fat women attractive. Not that there is an exact size, more of a range. In your original post what you said is implying single criteria. Were you implying personality traits?
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Old 08-06-2017, 10:11 AM   #19
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So, any fat woman will do? That is the only thing that will be special about her? That's odd to me (but what do I know, right?). Being fat doesn't make a person special. Neither does being blonde, tall, black, fit, flat chested, having a nice car, having two ears, or having a big butt make you special. *Ummm... maybe the butt thing is sorta special, especially if it has some nice shape and motion when she walks! but I digress*

I only ask this because, how is your woman supposed to feel happy, safe, special, and secure if all you care about is that a woman is fat? So,the next fat gal that comes walking/riding down the street, you'll dump your current and go after a new one? I'm just asking.
It has always been a dream of mine to be the lover of a fat lady. In 2003, my wife found my add/pic in a dating-site where I was looking for a long-term relationship with a fat woman. We got married 6 years later.
Just to mention, I'm in love with this woman for 14 years now.
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Old 08-06-2017, 10:14 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by BigElectricKat View Post
So, any fat woman will do? That is the only thing that will be special about her? That's odd to me (but what do I know, right?). Being fat doesn't make a person special. Neither does being blonde, tall, black, fit, flat chested, having a nice car, having two ears, or having a big butt make you special. *Ummm... maybe the butt thing is sorta special, especially if it has some nice shape and motion when she walks! but I digress*

I only ask this because, how is your woman supposed to feel happy, safe, special, and secure if all you care about is that a woman is fat? So,the next fat gal that comes walking/riding down the street, you'll dump your current and go after a new one? I'm just asking.
I'm going to chime in here.... if you are asking for one thing that has to be there to be considered. It is kind of like you having to be a certain height to ride a ride. In a world of billions of people I guess you could say that the one criteria that you would have to have is alive (dead is pretty creepy but I'm not judging anyone's kink). I think saying fat is an acceptable must have. My guy totally ignored any female that was not heavy. Most heavy women recieved at least a glance. He just couldn't not. I was not insecure about it at all. I knew that is what he liked.
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Old 08-07-2017, 05:23 AM   #21
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Default Maybe I should have clarified

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I'm going to chime in here.... if you are asking for one thing that has to be there to be considered. It is kind of like you having to be a certain height to ride a ride. In a world of billions of people I guess you could say that the one criteria that you would have to have is alive (dead is pretty creepy but I'm not judging anyone's kink). I think saying fat is an acceptable must have. My guy totally ignored any female that was not heavy. Most heavy women recieved at least a glance. He just couldn't not. I was not insecure about it at all. I knew that is what he liked.
I suppose that I should have been more clear, so I'll certainly own up to my mistake when posting something that could be taken as ambiguous. I should have specified a character trait or unique characteristic.

But in my defense, given the nature of this this website, I assumed (there's where I got into trouble, right there) that larger ladies/gentlemen were a given and that people wuld choose to focus on something not as obvious. So, I am at fault for not making that clear.
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Old 08-07-2017, 11:01 AM   #22
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I suppose that I should have been more clear, so I'll certainly own up to my mistake when posting something that could be taken as ambiguous. I should have specified a character trait or unique characteristic.

But in my defense, given the nature of this this website, I assumed (there's where I got into trouble, right there) that larger ladies/gentlemen were a given and that people wuld choose to focus on something not as obvious. So, I am at fault for not making that clear.
There is not any fault. It happens. All of your posts have been genuine, that I have seen at least.
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Old 08-07-2017, 12:28 PM   #23
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I suppose that I should have been more clear, so I'll certainly own up to my mistake when posting something that could be taken as ambiguous. I should have specified a character trait or unique characteristic.

But in my defense, given the nature of this this website, I assumed (there's where I got into trouble, right there) that larger ladies/gentlemen were a given and that people wuld choose to focus on something not as obvious. So, I am at fault for not making that clear.
I totally agree with Fuelingfire, your posts have been great. I just wanted to put in my support for what Blockieier said. It gets even more confusing when you smash together all the different cultures, languages and whatnot. I think that there is an issue in that some people fall in love or are in relationships with someone who might not be their ideal fantasy mate. In my limited expierence I have come accross people that fantasize about a super sized partner but in reality are with a much smaller bbw. So maybe it could be that a great sense of humor or a strong belief in a particular faith is the first cut of your sorting for a life mate.
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Old 08-07-2017, 12:39 PM   #24
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There is not any fault. It happens. All of your posts have been genuine, that I have seen at least.
I have to say that I am enjoying all of this discovery for myself. As a person who may have not started out as FA (and truthfully probaly has a long way to go before fully embracing that designation), I can say that I have never excluded curvier women from my dating preferences. Over time, I have come to be very outspoken in my little corner of the world for body positivity and Fat Acceptance. Certainly, for my own preferences, I've started to notice that I see more of the beauty (notice I said beauty and not booty) of arger women. And being honest (I know this sounds cliche') a woman's true beauty comes from within. You really have to like/love who they are at their core if there is any chance of having a relationship.
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Old 08-07-2017, 12:52 PM   #25
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I totally agree with Fuelingfire, your posts have been great. I just wanted to put in my support for what Blockieier said. It gets even more confusing when you smash together all the different cultures, languages and whatnot. I think that there is an issue in that some people fall in love or are in relationships with someone who might not be their ideal fantasy mate. In my limited expierence I have come accross people that fantasize about a super sized partner but in reality are with a much smaller bbw. So maybe it could be that a great sense of humor or a strong belief in a particular faith is the first cut of your sorting for a life mate.
No I get it. I have a bad habit of taking offense to certain things and not really expressing myself in a clearly. I want to go on record as apologizing to Blockieier. Didn't mean to offend at all. I used to be attracted only to redheads.But I met a really nice gal who wasn't and we had a great relationship for a while. I stopped making that a prerequisite after that. Because truly, it's what is inside that counts. If a gal is beautiful and has a smoking hot body (whatever you deem that as being) but is as dim as a candle and is very vanilla in a passionate sense, then why would I want to be with her? Get me? On the other hand, there's a gal out there who may not fit what I think is ideal as far a looks are concerned but she has a beautiful, intelligent mind and is a little on the freaky side and it just so interesting. Am I not going to consider her just because she's not a redhead?

Now that I think about it, I guess I do have a tendancy to date smart girls. So maybe I better shut my cake hole about now giving certain types a chance.
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