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Old 07-04-2017, 06:22 AM   #1
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Default Reactions and Observations From a "Mismatched" Couple

I've been mulling this over for a few months now. I think it's discussion worthy here on Dims, but I've struggled to find the right way to present it. Until now.

We went to a water park yesterday and my wife was in a swimsuit (naturally). Now obviously she wasn't the only plus size woman there but I was easily one of the most fit men there, especially if you control for age. That combination: fit man, fat woman, was a bit rare. We're both people watchers so we often notice when people notice us.

Most of the time people tend to go about their own business and don't seem to notice us. But sometimes people do and sometimes their reactions are visibly noticeable.

Some observations from yesterday:

- My wife pointed out a pair of fit girls and noted they'd been giving the two of us some stares. She said, "Those skinny bitches can't seem to accept that a fat girl has a fit husband. They probably assume you're miserable or embarrassed." I made sure I got physically and visibly affectionate after that, flaunting it even. We experienced something similar at the beach last summer and I had been a bit handsy-onny with her without even knowing some women next to us had been not so discreet in their criticism of her body and even hinted sympathy for "her poor husband" only to later see me struggling to restrain myself because we were on a public beach and the kinds of things I wanted to do weren't suitable for the time/place!

- At one point I was walking a few feet behind my wife because one of our little people was lagging behind. I noticed a few times when an AA male would pass, whether he was with a woman or not, as he passed my wife he did the ole' "180 sweep" where he casually turned his head back to check out my wife's backside. This happened 3 or 4 times and one on occasion the guy made eye contact with me as he turned back around and realized he'd been busted. But I wasn't a jerk, I just smiled and winked as if to say, "That's right, I sleep with that every night." NOTE: the preference black men have for thick, even fat women has been discussed at great length elsewhere in this forum. I'm not trying to open that dialogue up here, I'm just sharing what I observed yesterday.

- On our drive home my wife mentioned that she noticed a few of her fellow fat girls checking me out. We've both noticed that fat women will signal there approval to each other when "one of their own" has a man they find appealing. She pointed out that a few of them gave me a good healthy once over, noticed her, then looked at me again like they were ready to eat me alive if they had their way. She added that so many people assume just because a woman is fat she should be with a fat partner, but that fat women have preferences too and some of them prefer a fit partner. I feel so lucky to have the wife I have, but it made me feel really good when she expressed feeling lucky to have the husband she has.

Being at a water park really brings this out because men and women are by nature of their location more revealing than in every day life. We notice reactions, positive and negative, all the time but something about our bodies being on greater display to others really emphasized this. Add in that many people consider a fit man with a fat woman to be a major mismatch and we've drawn some reactions in our time together.

I am not going to recount all of our experiences though I am prepared to share a few other examples if people are interested. It's very important to note not all the reactions are negative. In fact, some of them are nothing short of beautiful and pleasant.

Not all reactions are tied directly to us being a mismatched couple either: some reactions (good and bad alike) are toward my wife exclusively as evidenced by some of the things she has observed or experienced when she is not with me. But they do seem to increase when we're with each other and yesterday at the park really brought it out.

I'm curious to hear what your experiences are. What kinds of reactions do people have toward you when you're with your partner or if you're a plus size man or woman, you directly. It can be positive or negative, and hopefully there's a lot of the former! But there will probably be some of the latter and in those cases I'd be curious to know how you responded too.

I welcome your experiences and/or general thoughts.
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Old 07-04-2017, 07:24 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by happily_married View Post

Not all reactions are tied directly to us being a mismatched couple either: some reactions (good and bad alike) are toward my wife exclusively as evidenced by some of the things she has observed or experienced when she is not with me.
I would just like to point out that it sounds as though you aren't mismatched. Rather, you are perfectly matched. (I know what you are saying though)
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Old 07-04-2017, 08:03 AM   #3
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Though I haven’t had the experiences that you’ve had, I have had similar for different reasons. Some years ago, I dated an extremely gorgeous woman (think Charlize Theron only taller). Back then I was still on the fitter side of life, maybe 210lbs. But of course, I’m 5’7” and black while she was 6’0” and a blonde goddess. Everywhere we went we’d always get stares. At first, I would shoot the stink-eye at people. Not because I was jealous but because I couldn’t believe that people still had a problem with an interracial couple.
Dee noticed that I was having a bit of a problem with it so she sat me down and let me in on a little secret: she secretly enjoyed the looks and the whispers and the outright stares. She said, very often, women will come up to her and ask her what she saw in me. Since I am not a handsome man, nor tall, nor particularly wealthy, I wanted to know the answer as well. She told me that ever since we were introduced, she felt a confidence coming from me and that she always loved how I engaged her in intelligent conversation and always stared into those beautiful green eyes of hers like she was the only woman on this Earth.
After that, I never had another pissy encounter when we were out. I used to take her grocery shopping and would always ask her to grab something of a high shelf. This made her giggle and I had a blast watching how people (especially guys) would react to this scene. Out at bars or clubs, guys seemed to think that they were going to replace me or that, surely they were a better guy to date than me. She rebuffed every single guy who approached her, no matter if they were rich, tall, handsome, or whatever.
I learned to ignore most of what went on after that. I realized that you have to have something special going on for people to take notice of you. So, consider yourself special if people are staring.
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Old 07-04-2017, 09:38 AM   #4
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Ive wondered if people do this more with fat women/fit men. I think male FAs face more anger and judgement than females (but thats my own personal experience and I cant speak for everyone). I dont seem to get as much. If anything, it was more curiosity when I lived in Colorado. Almost everyone there is average height and build, so I think they were just confused when they saw me (a tiny fit woman) with my boyfriend (whose 6'7 and about 450) Up here, people dont seem to stare at all (albeit, an energetic pixie of a salesgirl at the bookstore who told us our height difference was hilarious).

Back to your OP, good on you. It sounds like you and your wife had fun, got some looks of approval and ignored the hateful ones
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Old 07-06-2017, 01:50 PM   #5
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I would just like to point out that it sounds as though you aren't mismatched. Rather, you are perfectly matched. (I know what you are saying though)
Yeah, I use the word from the standpoint of cultural perception.

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Ive wondered if people do this more with fat women/fit men. I think male FAs face more anger and judgement than females (but thats my own personal experience and I cant speak for everyone). I dont seem to get as much. If anything, it was more curiosity when I lived in Colorado. Almost everyone there is average height and build, so I think they were just confused when they saw me (a tiny fit woman) with my boyfriend (whose 6'7 and about 450) Up here, people dont seem to stare at all (albeit, an energetic pixie of a salesgirl at the bookstore who told us our height difference was hilarious).

Back to your OP, good on you. It sounds like you and your wife had fun, got some looks of approval and ignored the hateful ones
I've suspected this as well for a few reasons. My perceptions are not from experience so much as observation, so take that for whatever it's worth. I think fat women are judged far worse than fat men, and as a consequence there's a segment of society that reserves a special contempt for men who date or marry fat women. It's weird: even men resent other men who date date/marry fat women. You'd think they'd be glad because guys like me have removed ourselves from the pool of competition for the "hot" women by voluntarily pursuing fat women. Instead you get a lot of them who resent guys like me because by dating/marrying a fat woman we "send a message" to women that it's okay to be fat and that in turn makes it harder for them to find the woman they're looking for. Seriously. You can't make this stuff up. I've actually encountered that narrative and not just from one bitter loser or two, but rather consistently over the years.
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Old 07-06-2017, 03:53 PM   #6
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I like this thread. Just want to point out what I perceive as a bit of irony: Fat men don't hit on me - only thin to average guys (perhaps a little chubby) do. If society believes that I need to be with a bigger man, apparently the big boys don't agree.
It's kind of funny to me...what "society" assumes...


**side note: I have always took this to mean that bigger guys like smaller women...just as a lot of BBW prefer thin mates. Could some of the disparity be about confidence levels? I dated a chubby guy a few times...but he seemed discontent that I didn't "jump him". I expected that vice-versa...the way it's always been for me.
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Old 07-06-2017, 04:33 PM   #7
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I have probably covered this in other posts, or in private message with HM. I am a very athletic weightlifter and my girlfriend is 350ish lbs. pear. I have grown to enjoy it when it dawns on people that we are a couple. If anyone seems to be staring at us we kiss, hug, and smile at each other, just to push the idea. She is aware of this and loves it too. I don’t want anyone walking away thinking I am settling. We do a lot of hand holding in public, more signaling of being a couple. It’s kind of hard to put my finger on why I like it so much.

Also most likely adding to that, she dresses up when we go out. Stylish Torrid outfits, or leggings are usual. Clothing that if you thought you were ugly, you would not want to wear in public. This draws more attention to her/us.

I can’t comment on if being at a water park makes a difference. None of the girls I have dated wanted to go to one. Though my current girlfriend says she wants to go to one. We talked about going to Living Large Chicago’s BBW pool bash, but had a prior commitment for that weekend. After hearing you waterpark observations, it makes me want to go even more.

A lot of thin women will flirt with me unprompted. I am invisible to most fat girls, until I am seen with the fat girl I am dating. Then I get the full head to toe check out, and sometimes she will even get a nod or complement from the random fat woman. Sometimes I notice it, other times she tells me.

My girlfriend reads Lindy West, who writes on size acceptance topics. One of the things talked about is the fat woman thin man combo at restaurants. I doubt this is study based, but this couple is likely to be asked if the table would like separate checks. As in, not a couple on a date. Since my girlfriend said this, every time we are at a restaurant, the servers have asked about separate checks. I personally think it has more to do with efficiency. Extra stop at the table and extra paper to print out another receipt. But I could be wrong…

She has helped me identify more than a handful of suspected FAs. We went bowling a few days ago. I notice a guy a few lanes over who has a fat girlfriend with him. He seems to be looking at my lane a lot when it’s my girlfriends turn to bowl.

When people realize we are couple, the first thing asked right away, “where did you meet?” I would think this is a common question, but it is always the first comment. We agreed to lie and say at Match, rather than Feabie.
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Old 07-07-2017, 05:36 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
**side note: I have always took this to mean that bigger guys like smaller women...just as a lot of BBW prefer thin mates. Could some of the disparity be about confidence levels? I dated a chubby guy a few times...but he seemed discontent that I didn't "jump him". I expected that vice-versa...the way it's always been for me.
I've always taken that as many times people are attracted to opposites. But I also acknowledge that you probably have a point as well. But have you ever run into someone on the opposite end of that confidence spectrum?
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Old 07-07-2017, 06:51 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
**side note: I have always took this to mean that bigger guys like smaller women...just as a lot of BBW prefer thin mates. Could some of the disparity be about confidence levels?
That's probably true in the majority of cases. The 'Jack Sprat and his wife' trope runs deep through our cultural memory. Plus the imagery of the 'big, strong man and his little woman'. (Stereotypes usually start with a kernel of reality.) But there are so many other reasons as well:
  1. The guy is still seeking the fantasy mate he has as a mental image.
  2. He's not at the phase of his development where he appreciates your apparent Hilda-esq body type.
  3. He's afraid he would strike out if he approached you.
  4. He's afraid of peer pressure from family, friends or coworkers if not dating a socially ideal female body type.
  5. He's burned out from past bad relationships.
  6. He saw you exhibit a mannerism that he disliked.
  7. You remind him of an ex.
  8. He's just not into girls.
  9. He's 'ace these days and just not looking.
There's tens of reasons why any person doesn't see another as a relationship candidate.
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Old 07-07-2017, 11:56 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by rabbitislove View Post
Ive wondered if people do this more with fat women/fit men. I think male FAs face more anger and judgement than females (but thats my own personal experience and I cant speak for everyone). I dont seem to get as much. If anything, it was more curiosity when I lived in Colorado. Almost everyone there is average height and build, so I think they were just confused when they saw me (a tiny fit woman) with my boyfriend (whose 6'7 and about 450) Up here, people dont seem to stare at all (albeit, an energetic pixie of a salesgirl at the bookstore who told us our height difference was hilarious).

Back to your OP, good on you. It sounds like you and your wife had fun, got some looks of approval and ignored the hateful ones
This is one of my many theories about size discrimination. I do think there is a segment of the population that believes women are property, or an object close to that. Making negative comments on how a person looks is mean, but making observations about an object is not mean. So a woman who is fat is a flawed object. So a fat guy is given a pass in a sense. He is probably fat due to the stress of: work, family, getting a footing in life etc. A big guy can have a lot of muscle under his fat, so can be seen as strong. She was just fat due to being lazy or not caring. Most fat hate that I have witnessed online is toward women.

I know there are a lot of other pieces to it, but I think this is a component that is relevant to this topic. I am hoping this thread keeps going, as I do find the main topic very fascinating.
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Old 07-07-2017, 02:26 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
I like this thread. Just want to point out what I perceive as a bit of irony: Fat men don't hit on me - only thin to average guys (perhaps a little chubby) do. If society believes that I need to be with a bigger man, apparently the big boys don't agree.
It's kind of funny to me...what "society" assumes...
Yup, the "big boys" have their individual preferences just like everyone else. There's no rule an individual subscribes to when being attracted to a woman. Fortunately, there's plenty guys big and small who like bigger women.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
**side note: I have always took this to mean that bigger guys like smaller women...just as a lot of BBW prefer thin mates. Could some of the disparity be about confidence levels? I dated a chubby guy a few times...but he seemed discontent that I didn't "jump him". I expected that vice-versa...the way it's always been for me.
Again, preference is as varied as are individuals but I've found a lot of the bigger girls I dated liked fit guys because it was a better "fit." By that I mean a physical fit: intimate moments were much more doable when one of the partners was fit. My wife has pointed out a few times she's glad I'm in the kind of shape I'm in, both for endurance reasons and positional reasons. I realize we have some members here in relationships where both partners are big and I welcome their observations as much as anyone's. For our purposes, my wife is glad I'm not big.

As for confidence levels, that may well be a big part of the disparity but honestly as HFA pointed out there are probably countless explanations.

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Originally Posted by fuelingfire View Post
I have probably covered this in other posts, or in private message with HM. I am a very athletic weightlifter and my girlfriend is 350ish lbs. pear. I have grown to enjoy it when it dawns on people that we are a couple. If anyone seems to be staring at us we kiss, hug, and smile at each other, just to push the idea. She is aware of this and loves it too. I don’t want anyone walking away thinking I am settling. We do a lot of hand holding in public, more signaling of being a couple. It’s kind of hard to put my finger on why I like it so much.
Very well-worded. I make sure I do the same thing, especially if I believe judgmental eyes are being cast. Even void of that I just like showing off and I want everyone around us seeing that not only am I not embarrassed, but I'm excited to be with this person.

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I can’t comment on if being at a water park makes a difference. None of the girls I have dated wanted to go to one. Though my current girlfriend says she wants to go to one. We talked about going to Living Large Chicago’s BBW pool bash, but had a prior commitment for that weekend. After hearing you waterpark observations, it makes me want to go even more.
Definitely go give it a shot and report back with your observations!

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Originally Posted by fuelingfire View Post
A lot of thin women will flirt with me unprompted. I am invisible to most fat girls, until I am seen with the fat girl I am dating. Then I get the full head to toe check out, and sometimes she will even get a nod or complement from the random fat woman. Sometimes I notice it, other times she tells me.
I've made very similar observations in my time here at Dims. Fat girls obviously do not think and respond in unison, but generally they seem to appreciate it when "one of their own" snags herself a fit guy (or guy they otherwise find appealing).

We've had some good discussions, both on the open threads and in private, and I'd love to continue hearing your observations.
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Old 07-07-2017, 03:23 PM   #12
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It's kind of funny to me...what "society" assumes...
When I was thinner, I did not think much about what "society" assumed about me. Now, that I am heavier, it matters to me even less.

I had a woman I know, that I met when I first moved to NYC tell me one night; I had such a pretty face and that there was no reason I should allow myself to get so heavy at my age.

I was stunned silent. At first I wanted to thank her for the complement. Then I was pissed and wanted to tell her to f*ck off. Then I was mildly amused by the term "allowed."

Allowed? As if I did not know I would put on weight eventually the way I eat? As if the lbs just snuck on while I was not paying attention? Early on maybe, but what I've put on since the fall, I didn't "allow" anything. It happened, and I enjoyed every meal, every beer, and every dessert. lol.

I said nothing of course, the moment kind of passed me by. Just the assumption, that I was not aware or not comfortable, really struck me as presumptuous. If only she knew.
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Old 07-07-2017, 05:33 PM   #13
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When I was thinner, I did not think much about what "society" assumed about me. Now, that I am heavier, it matters to me even less.
I applaud that you're there at such a young age. I was ~24+ or so when I fully shed the shackles of image consciousness. And if I'm honest with myself I suppose I didn't fully shed them until a couple years into my marriage, shameful as that is.

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If only she knew.
Even if she did, she may not have cared. Some people thrive off of belittling others who are overweight.
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Old 07-07-2017, 06:06 PM   #14
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I applaud that you're there at such a young age. I was ~24+ or so when I fully shed the shackles of image consciousness. And if I'm honest with myself I suppose I didn't fully shed them until a couple years into my marriage, shameful as that is.



Even if she did, she may not have cared. Some people thrive off of belittling others who are overweight.
I don't think it was to belittle me. I think it was more to caution me or almost to admonish me. Like I said, I know this woman. She is a bit older than me and I met her very shortly after I moved here. I would consider her a friend if even. I just thought it very presumptuous. I mean, here is this older woman, who has clearly enjoyed her share of food and drinks, and is wearing support hose in June. She's the one who is not comfortable. I'm good.
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Old 07-07-2017, 06:22 PM   #15
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I don't think it was to belittle me. I think it was more to caution me or almost to admonish me. Like I said, I know this woman. She is a bit older than me and I met her very shortly after I moved here. I would consider her a friend if even. I just thought it very presumptuous. I mean, here is this older woman, who has clearly enjoyed her share of food and drinks, and is wearing support hose in June. She's the one who is not comfortable. I'm good.
Sorry, I didn't mean to suggest that she did so much as point out that some people are clueless and others are just nasty.
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Old 07-07-2017, 08:20 PM   #16
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Sorry, I didn't mean to suggest that she did so much as point out that some people are clueless and others are just nasty.
No worries, I would not let anyone be nasty to me.
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Old 07-08-2017, 03:47 AM   #17
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No worries, I would not let anyone be nasty to me.
For me situation dictates. I've had people be nasty to me and I've not even flinched. I am all for pushing back when the situation warrants but the truth is sometimes it just doesn't.

People being nasty to me directly is not weight related, so it's possible there's less emotion buried in the way I respond. I've less reason to take nastiness so personally. At the same time, I've seen people be nasty to my wife and again, the situation dictates how I react. Sometimes responding is just beneath me.

I said I'd share a few other experiences so this is a good time to work one in because it's a good example of non-response. My wife and I put our daughter in gymnastics. One of the coaches there is a woman, likely in her mid-late-40s, but insanely fit. She'd wear a sweater over her uniform shirt and it had the name of a crossfit box on it, and my wife and I refer to her as "crossfit bitch." Anyway, one of the first classes my daughter had, my wife was sitting on the bleacher and I was standing a few feet behind her. Crossfit bitch was walking along just in front of the bleachers staring at my wife with a nasty scowl and look of utter contempt. She went on her way, then a few minutes later walked by again and same thing: looked at my wife like her existence alone was enough to ruin her day. I joined my wife on the bleachers and the next time Crossfit bitch walked by she noticed me staring at her and she looked away very quickly.

In the ensuing weeks I noticed a pattern with Crossfit bitch: She is very cordial to the parents who are fit, and extremely dismissive (but not outright rude so nobody will complain) to the parents who are fat. And since there's one of her and multiple parents, it probably took her a while to mentally pair me with my wife, especially since we don't always go together (other kids activities). So as a fit male, I enjoyed "polite privileges." That is, whenever Crossfit bitch would see me she'd smile and if I was close enough she'd ask how I was, etc. The fat mom or dad in the waiting area, not so much.

But now I've fallen from grace. You see, my wife and I were able attend a practice together and when Crossfit bitch saw us together I guess she removed me from her list of those parents who were worthy of her politeness. She no longer smiles at me, but she's not quite bold enough to give me the same looks of contempt I know she gives my wife and the other fat moms who are waiting on their girls.

And honestly I know I'm a paying customer and could probably make a complaint but the truth is I really do embrace stuff like this. It amuses me and my wife and I laugh about it. Now if she ever treats my daughter differently (and she's not my daughter's coach so I'm not worried about this) because she has a fat mom then the gloves are coming off.

Also, this example is a couple years old. Rather than retell it, here's the link:

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...d.php?t=114738
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Old 07-08-2017, 06:47 AM   #18
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And honestly I know I'm a paying customer and could probably make a complaint but the truth is I really do embrace stuff like this.
I'm sorry we don't live in the same town; it would be great to have a friend like you.
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Old 07-08-2017, 07:37 AM   #19
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Your cult of Crossfit coach is a good example. The most anti-fat things that I have heard, in person, are from insanely fit people in the weight room. They are never in reference to a person who is in the room. I think they are so vocal, as a way of justifying how much they work out. In my experience, more often it’s a woman with a six pack who is a gym rat, who makes these comments.

I would have reacted the same way, but I would have no interest in interacting with her in the future. I think there is athletic privilege, at least when it comes to gyms. Not that the average person is treated poorly, but the athletic looking people get a friendlier response. Even on first meeting. I personally find it kind of amusing. It’s not uncommon to get female attention there, but of course I have no interest. So I just try to be nice and chat back. These people seem to ignore all the non-athletic looking people exercising.

I think if you tried to complain, it would be a hard sell. She could just say she didn't see you, or she was busy and brush it off.
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Old 07-08-2017, 03:43 PM   #20
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And honestly I know I'm a paying customer and could probably make a complaint but the truth is I really do embrace stuff like this. It amuses me and my wife and I laugh about it. Now if she ever treats my daughter differently (and she's not my daughter's coach so I'm not worried about this) because she has a fat mom then the gloves are coming off.
I like to deal with those sorts of situations by smiling a lot and being much more friendly and personable than I otherwise would be. I want them to know it's entirely their problem.
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Old 07-09-2017, 04:52 AM   #21
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I'm sorry we don't live in the same town; it would be great to have a friend like you.
Well if you're ever passing through and want to stop give me a buzz and we'll go discuss these important matters over a couple bourbons!

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Your cult of Crossfit coach is a good example. The most anti-fat things that I have heard, in person, are from insanely fit people in the weight room. They are never in reference to a person who is in the room. I think they are so vocal, as a way of justifying how much they work out. In my experience, more often it’s a woman with a six pack who is a gym rat, who makes these comments.
I've felt this way too for a long time: women who are a really fit are far more ruthless to fat people than men who are really fit. But with that said I've met and know some really fit women who are not nasty at all.

Then there's a coworker I have who went out and dialed up some fit guy/fat girl porn after I shared with her that I liked bigger girls. I shared this elsewhere here on Dims, but I can't remember where. Anyway she watched a few videos and when she saw me again said, "I get it. I totally get why a fit man would want to be with a fat woman." This person is super fit herself and her instagram is full of selfies in her panties and bra showing off her body. But her reaction I'd consider very positive.

Another reaction, not sure if I can count this as positive but it certainly wasn't a negative reaction, happened at an Ikea store a few months ago. We were in the kitchenware section on that seemingly never ending path through that store. My wife was on one side of the main isle, I was on the other but right next to the main isle when a SS couple, both very fit, stopped. One actually noticed my wife and stopped her partner with a pull of her arm. She said, "Oh, I've got one for our fat soccer mom fantasy." Right about then, my wife, turned so her back was to them and she bent over to put something back on the bottom shelf. The pair both gasped and one of them hissed, "Look at the size of that ass!" The other said, "We'd use the big one." Then they went on their way.

Now it's worth noting: My wife isn't a soccer mom! But I have to admit, I was very curious what the "fat soccer mom" fantasy consisted of. And "the big one?" Anyway, I don't think it's all that uncommon for a fit lesbian to prefer a fat partner. In this case they were both fit but had a fat girl fantasy. Since I don't know the details of the fantasy I can't exactly say it was a positive reaction. Assuming they just wanted a threesome with a fat woman I'd say it was fine. If it involved humiliation or fat shaming then obviously that is a no fly zone. Thing is I don't know.

When I mentioned to my wife she got scoped out by a couple girls (I left out what they said) she just laughed and said, "I think I notice more girls checking me out than guys."


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I like to deal with those sorts of situations by smiling a lot and being much more friendly and personable than I otherwise would be. I want them to know it's entirely their problem.
You've hit the nail on the head. This is exactly what I've committed myself to doing when I get a chance. The trick is getting everything to align. We have a kids activities pretty much every night so we're rarely both at gymnastics together. Both of us being there is the first thing that needs to fall into place. From there we need Crossfit bitch to be working, and to walk past us and make eye contact with me or my wife. She's at work so I'm not going to be the rude one and stop her when she's walking by or be a distraction and so on. But if those planets align for me I'll be sure to do this. Maybe even give her a compliment. "Those box squats are really starting to pay off!" Something like that!
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Old 07-09-2017, 07:13 AM   #22
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About 10 years ago, my ex-wife was attending college 2 hours away from me. There was a group of coworkers who went out to the bars every Wednesday. One of them was, I thought, a very close friend at work. We were often mildly flirty, in more of a friendly way. She was bone thin. One of the coworkers who went with us was a SSBBW, she would also bring her boyfriend with. The thin friend quick working there but still kept going out with us. The last night I saw the thin woman, the SSBBW saw a picture of my ex-wife and in private asked me, “So you like fat girls?” We had a discussion about it still in private. Later in the evening, the SSBBW announced to the group of us, how awesome it is that I like fat girls… not her wording but wow she was excited to tell everyone. Everyone else in the group was thin. I don’t really remember what I said. My thin female friend looked horrified when I confirmed it, was distant the rest of the evening. And I have never seen her since. People would call her to come with us, but she never wanted to after that night. I thought of her as a good friend, but maybe I miss read her.

Fast-forward to being divorced and single. I am out with the same SSBBW and her now husband, same guy. We are out at the bar. She runs into a friend of hers, who is thin. This thin friend starts mildly flirting with me. After a few minutes, the SSBBW taps her on the shoulder and says, “don’t bother, he is only into fat women!” The thin woman gives the SSBBW an amused look, then turns to me with the amused look. Then doubles down on the flirting. Like she could change my mind or something. I have grown to find it funny when she outs me to people, though I was kind of horrified the first time she did it.

Amusing side note about her husband. When I first met him, I didn’t know they were together, and neither of us knew the other was a FA. He pointed at the thinnest woman in a room that we were in and said he really wanted to hit that. This girl looked like she had no body fat. My response was, “I prefer women with a much larger butt!” He paused for a few seconds and then shrugged. A few weeks later I found out they were dating and told her the story and she went and chewed him out for it.

I have never really heard what people say about me always dating fat girls. There are many times where we get looks. Sometimes staring from people talking, though it always stops when they are caught.

Many times I have heard people say that I don’t care about how my partner looks. A very passive aggressive complement. I have had different phases of how I responded over the years. I originally would follow that up by saying, “no I think (insert woman) really is beautiful!” Which went completely ignored. I went through a period where I would just roll my eyes and ignore it. Now if brought up I just lean right into it. “Are you blind? (girlfriends name) is *not sure on Dims swearing policy* hot!” Said very enthusiastically. I use to just think that, I have said that at least 4 times now.

My girlfriend says that she only notices women checking out her butt. I have noticed more than a few men checking her out. A lot of women have told her they wish they had a butt like hers. Which really surprises both of us, as she is a ssbbw pear.
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Old 07-09-2017, 02:05 PM   #23
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I've always taken that as many times people are attracted to opposites. But I also acknowledge that you probably have a point as well. But have you ever run into someone on the opposite end of that confidence spectrum?
Not sure what you're asking? Someone overly confident?

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When I was thinner, I did not think much about what "society" assumed about me. Now, that I am heavier, it matters to me even less.

I had a woman I know, that I met when I first moved to NYC tell me one night; I had such a pretty face and that there was no reason I should allow myself to get so heavy at my age.

I was stunned silent. At first I wanted to thank her for the complement. Then I was pissed and wanted to tell her to f*ck off. Then I was mildly amused by the term "allowed."

Allowed? As if I did not know I would put on weight eventually the way I eat? As if the lbs just snuck on while I was not paying attention? Early on maybe, but what I've put on since the fall, I didn't "allow" anything. It happened, and I enjoyed every meal, every beer, and every dessert. lol.

I said nothing of course, the moment kind of passed me by. Just the assumption, that I was not aware or not comfortable, really struck me as presumptuous. If only she knew.
I've had plenty of presumptuous and out-right rude shit said to me over my lifetime. In my head, I'm taking it that the lady that said that you is of my Mom's generation (she's in her late seventies). My experience with that generation has been that they were brought up with some steadfast, inarguable "rules" about the way women should "behave". (Have you ever read The Feminine Mystique?- fascinating read about "brainwashing" IMO)
You should have waited until you were "safely"married and over thirty to "allow" yourself such indulgences. How in the world will you ever find a man now????
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Old 07-09-2017, 02:11 PM   #24
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That's probably true in the majority of cases. The 'Jack Sprat and his wife' trope runs deep through our cultural memory. Plus the imagery of the 'big, strong man and his little woman'. (Stereotypes usually start with a kernel of reality.) But there are so many other reasons as well:
  1. The guy is still seeking the fantasy mate he has as a mental image.
  2. He's not at the phase of his development where he appreciates your apparent Hilda-esq body type.
  3. He's afraid he would strike out if he approached you.
  4. He's afraid of peer pressure from family, friends or coworkers if not dating a socially ideal female body type.
  5. He's burned out from past bad relationships.
  6. He saw you exhibit a mannerism that he disliked.
  7. You remind him of an ex.
  8. He's just not into girls.
  9. He's 'ace these days and just not looking.
There's tens of reasons why any person doesn't see another as a relationship candidate.
Thanks so much for listing this out for me- none of this has ever occurred to me until you wrote it to me on the intranets
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Old 07-09-2017, 04:07 PM   #25
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After a few minutes, the SSBBW taps her on the shoulder and says, “don’t bother, he is only into fat women!” The thin woman gives the SSBBW an amused look, then turns to me with the amused look. Then doubles down on the flirting. Like she could change my mind or something. I have grown to find it funny when she outs me to people, though I was kind of horrified the first time she did it.
Sounds like a time-saver to me.

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My girlfriend says that she only notices women checking out her butt. I have noticed more than a few men checking her out. A lot of women have told her they wish they had a butt like hers. Which really surprises both of us, as she is a ssbbw pear.
This is so heartening to hear.
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