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Old 01-28-2018, 05:26 AM   #76
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Well, I certainly agree with that. Particularly in my case, where I don't feel I should assume I know what the person is thinking behind that look.

It might be "ugh, she's so fat," or it might be, "for goodness sake, how did she manage that, and I can't get past 120! Lucky blank!"

You never know. Being a different kind of person sort of broadens my understanding of how little I can deduce from the nonverbal behavior of others.



I'm not 100% convinced of that. Just because I don't see how a person could dislike the appearance of a fat person or find them unattractive, doesn't mean I don't think they do. After all, I don't feel in any way attracted to very thin people, and I certainly never think about sex while I'm looking at them, so who knows? The same could be true of them on that opposite side of the scale, so to speak.
I am sure its not all guys who insult fat women are closet FAs, but I am sure some of them are. I have no idea what percentage of them, it might be very low.

Since about the age of 5, I was aware that I was only attracted to fat women. Someone clearly explained to me that I should not like them, I don’t remember who. So I was closeted. I did realize that the only socially acceptable way to bring up fat women was to say jokes about them. I never did to a fat persons face. And I am not proud of this, actually after writing this am ashamed. But this was a very acceptable thing to do, and it might still be but I haven’t done it since probably the mid to late 90s, so I don’t really know.

One of the best examples was talking with friends about the tv show, “Married… with Children.” Over time this show has aged poorly, though I still find Al’s obsession with being a Polk High football legend funny. Frequently, when Al would talk about how his day was, “Peg, a fat woman came into the store today.” Thin women who made guest appearances on the show were always models, and very attractive. There were somewhat frequent fat women who would show up on the show, it was normally clear that in casting they didn’t care if the women were attractive fat women, so many of them were just fat.

There is only fat joke from the show that I still think is amsuing. Al and one of his friends is on vacation. They get selected to be 2 of the 4 swimsuit competition judges. They get told that they other 2 judges are the winners of the last 2 years swimsuit competitions. So they are very excited to meet the other judges. When they finally do, after years of starving themselves, once these models could eat again, they became SSBBWs. They actually cast gorgeous fat women for these rolls! Of course Al and his friend were horrified.

I talked with friends about that show so much, it is bringing back a lot memories of talking about it.
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Old 01-28-2018, 06:26 AM   #77
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I am sure its not all guys who insult fat women are closet FAs, but I am sure some of them are. I have no idea what percentage of them, it might be very low.
I am not even talking about guys who insult fat women who are closet FAs. I know they exist because I used to be one myself. I’m talking about guys who would bang a fat woman if they got the chance but wouldn’t want to be in a committed relationship with one. And truthfully I was one of these guys too at one point in my development. I had that attraction but fought it off until I was about 24 or so. I knew I liked fat women but wished so badly I didn’t. The first time I had sex with a truly fat woman I did so thinking once I got it out of my system I’d be fine. The problem for me was I didn’t get it out of my system; I got snared. After that point I started pursuing fat women nearly exclusively (with some embarrassing attempts to try to date “hot” women along the way. That’s a story for another thread!) When I met my wife she was thick but smaller than the previous women I’d pursued. Since then she’s blossomed into the biggest woman I’ve ever been with. And that’s sort of become a point of pride with me lately: the biggest woman I’ve ever been with happens to be my wife and lately every time I have sex with her I set a new record for the biggest woman I’ve ever had sex with. Doing this with the same person while being completely owned and dominated by her is an amazing sensation.

Anyway I got a little distracted with that. Back on point, I was actually an FA who thought if I just had sex with a fat woman I’d be able to move on. I was wrong. But a lot of guys actually don’t like fat woman but are still willing to have sex with them. Call it a bucket list item for them or something they’ll do in a dry spell. The difference is these guys may enjoy sex with fat women but unlike me are able to move on once they’ve had sex. For me all that experience did was essentially seal my fate: I was basically at that point a fat woman’s husband waiting to happen.
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Old 01-28-2018, 07:35 AM   #78
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I am not even talking about guys who insult fat women who are closet FAs. I know they exist because I used to be one myself. I’m talking about guys who would bang a fat woman if they got the chance but wouldn’t want to be in a committed relationship with one. And truthfully I was one of these guys too at one point in my development. I had that attraction but fought it off until I was about 24 or so. I knew I liked fat women but wished so badly I didn’t. The first time I had sex with a truly fat woman I did so thinking once I got it out of my system I’d be fine. The problem for me was I didn’t get it out of my system; I got snared. After that point I started pursuing fat women nearly exclusively (with some embarrassing attempts to try to date “hot” women along the way. That’s a story for another thread!) When I met my wife she was thick but smaller than the previous women I’d pursued. Since then she’s blossomed into the biggest woman I’ve ever been with. And that’s sort of become a point of pride with me lately: the biggest woman I’ve ever been with happens to be my wife and lately every time I have sex with her I set a new record for the biggest woman I’ve ever had sex with. Doing this with the same person while being completely owned and dominated by her is an amazing sensation.

Anyway I got a little distracted with that. Back on point, I was actually an FA who thought if I just had sex with a fat woman I’d be able to move on. I was wrong. But a lot of guys actually don’t like fat woman but are still willing to have sex with them. Call it a bucket list item for them or something they’ll do in a dry spell. The difference is these guys may enjoy sex with fat women but unlike me are able to move on once they’ve had sex. For me all that experience did was essentially seal my fate: I was basically at that point a fat woman’s husband waiting to happen.
I think it gets murkier with these type of men. Take this with a grain of salt. I really don’t know. A lot of the guys who, I have seen, fall into this category, seem to be willing to have sex with anyone. All of the girls they date are thin. But when just hooking up they will with: fat women, hot thin women, ugly thin women, annoying women, and women with no personalities. It seems more like it is who ever is willing to put out. I don’t really think sleeping with a fat woman is something they are trying to get out of their system, but I could be wrong. I only see through FA eyes, I am just guessing.

However, a lot of these guys also say sex with fat women is better. About half say, “they just want it more, they are more grateful.” The other half just say, “It feels better.” Either way it sounds like a huge plus to wanting to be with a fat woman. I have never slept with a thin woman, but I like to assume they are both true.

So I knew since about 5ish, that I was only attracted to fat women. I hated that part of me for years and wished I could teach myself to like thin women. I tried hard to not pay attention to fat women at all, which was very hard. And kept telling myself how attractive traditional models were. I might have kept this up for a few months. I am guessing this was around the age of 12. Until I saw a fat woman on a stationary bike at the YMCA. Her stomach was hanging a few inches below her shirt and swaying with each pedal press. There is nothing I could imagine with a thin woman that was as hot as that.

Within a few years of that, my family got the internet. When I was alone I looked up for the first time, an image of a naked fat woman. That was the moment, I knew there was no lying to myself. There is no changing. My ideal woman is fat.

I did date a handful of thin athletic girls in high school, because that is the type of girl I was supposed to like. During any fooling around, I was always imagining the fattest girls in school. I was worried they would notice I wasn’t aroused.
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Old 01-28-2018, 08:35 AM   #79
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I think it gets murkier with these type of men. Take this with a grain of salt. I really don’t know. A lot of the guys who, I have seen, fall into this category, seem to be willing to have sex with anyone. All of the girls they date are thin. But when just hooking up they will with: fat women, hot thin women, ugly thin women, annoying women, and women with no personalities. It seems more like it is who ever is willing to put out. I don’t really think sleeping with a fat woman is something they are trying to get out of their system, but I could be wrong. I only see through FA eyes, I am just guessing.

However, a lot of these guys also say sex with fat women is better. About half say, “they just want it more, they are more grateful.” The other half just say, “It feels better.” Either way it sounds like a huge plus to wanting to be with a fat woman. I have never slept with a thin woman, but I like to assume they are both true.
I agree: a lot of guys are willing to hook up with anyone who will have them. But to be clear, I compared myself to them not because of the similar mindset but to distinguish my mentality from theirs. I wasn’t willing to hook up with anything. In fact, I was afraid to hook up with fatties because I knew deep down inside I’d love it and I didn’t want to. I liked the way I looked with thin/athletic women by my side.

On that note I can tell you from experience having slept with both athletic women and fat women: fat women are better. It has nothing to do with how hard they try, or they are desparate to keep a man, etc. Fat women just are better. Sex with fat women is far superior to sex with thin women.

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So I knew since about 5ish, that I was only attracted to fat women. I hated that part of me for years and wished I could teach myself to like thin women. I tried hard to not pay attention to fat women at all, which was very hard. And kept telling myself how attractive traditional models were. I might have kept this up for a few months. I am guessing this was around the age of 12. Until I saw a fat woman on a stationary bike at the YMCA. Her stomach was hanging a few inches below her shirt and swaying with each pedal press. There is nothing I could imagine with a thin woman that was as hot as that.

Within a few years of that, my family got the internet. When I was alone I looked up for the first time, an image of a naked fat woman. That was the moment, I knew there was no lying to myself. There is no changing. My ideal woman is fat.
I forced the issue too for years. But long before I ever started having sex with fat women I’d look at fat porn, even while I was involved with thing women. Again, at that point I was still hoping it was just a fetish or a little itch that if I scratched it would go away.

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I did date a handful of thin athletic girls in high school, because that is the type of girl I was supposed to like. During any fooling around, I was always imagining the fattest girls in school. I was worried they would notice I wasn’t aroused.
Haha, ok this may be the time to share one of those embarrassing stories I mentioned earlier. At one point after I started having sex with fat women I bumped into a friend from high school. She was super athletic, and she and I had run track together. She had a curvy athletic body and when she saw me looked my up and down, literally just asked if I wanted to fuck. Just like that. I said yes and the very next night there we were. There was just one little problem: I was used to sex with fat women by then and I just couldn’t get into this girl. I literally went soft inside her! Of course since we knew each other from high school a lot of our mutual friends found out about this too. Years later after I had taken the social media plunge one such mutual friend and I were getting caught up on Facebook. She asked me if it was true and I owned up to it, explaining why it happened. She was nice. She said, “You shouldn’t look at it as an embarrassment, but a win for fat women!” Good perspective.
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Old 01-28-2018, 09:41 AM   #80
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I agree: a lot of guys are willing to hook up with anyone who will have them. But to be clear, I compared myself to them not because of the similar mindset but to distinguish my mentality from theirs. I wasn’t willing to hook up with anything. In fact, I was afraid to hook up with fatties because I knew deep down inside I’d love it and I didn’t want to. I liked the way I looked with thin/athletic women by my side.
I got that. I try not to repeat myself to much when we converse. So I pick and choose what I can additionally add.
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Old 01-28-2018, 09:47 AM   #81
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Haha, ok this may be the time to share one of those embarrassing stories I mentioned earlier. At one point after I started having sex with fat women I bumped into a friend from high school. She was super athletic, and she and I had run track together. She had a curvy athletic body and when she saw me looked my up and down, literally just asked if I wanted to fuck. Just like that. I said yes and the very next night there we were. There was just one little problem: I was used to sex with fat women by then and I just couldn’t get into this girl. I literally went soft inside her! Of course since we knew each other from high school a lot of our mutual friends found out about this too. Years later after I had taken the social media plunge one such mutual friend and I were getting caught up on Facebook. She asked me if it was true and I owned up to it, explaining why it happened. She was nice. She said, “You shouldn’t look at it as an embarrassment, but a win for fat women!” Good perspective.
So, here is the story of “The Last Thin Girl I Ever Dated.” The title has an appropriate ring to it. This is also the closest I came to having sex with a thin girl. Somewhere I told a condensed version of this story, that is less embarrassing/funny. At this point I had not dated any fat women.

Before I actually met and was introduced to her, she was a server at a restaurant I went to about a year before. She was a BBW pear at the time. At that size, she was a FA 10 out of 10. I remembered her face, and she told me she worked there after we met.

She started working at the same restaurant I was working at part time. She lost a lot of weight, and was very proud she was down to 120 lbs, really impressive for anyone. As a thin woman, she was still a 10 out of 10, if you like thin women. I had so many guys telling how lucky I was. She still had a big butt, but was definitely thin. It was also in my mind that most people who lose a huge amount of weight all at once will gain a lot of it back. So I could sort of stay in the closet and eventually be dating a fat woman.

We started flirting, and at first seemed very compatible. We only used the dating term for a few weeks. We mutually broke it off. She went on to marry and divorce the guy she started dating the day after we parted. I don’t remember how she worded it, but she liked causal sex and normally used that to determine if she wanted to be in a relationship. I know I sound like a huge prude here. But this was probably between 2000 and 2002, before Tinder. And I was a virgin, largely related to not being with someone I really wanted to have sex with, a fat woman.

She only found out I was a virgin after we started dating. Then she became scared that, if I had sex with her it might mean something to me. She was worried I would become overly attached. I wasn’t worried about it. I lost interest in her due to a lot of our different views on issues being a deal breaker, also there were things she was doing in her personal life that rubbed me the wrong way.

Her loss of interest was most likely due to the following. So one night we were getting pretty hot and heavy in her bedroom. It seemed natural and we decided, this was going to be the night. The foreplay was going. And she was telling me what fetishes she likes, basically rough sex. She was trying to talk me into telling her what mine are. Me being the nice guy, I can’t tell a person who is so proud of how hard they worked to lose weight, that I would prefer if she tried to gain all the weight back that she lost. Because to me, she would look better. So I said I didn’t have one. She was like oh, this is going to be boring.

So there are a lot of things working against me having an erection.
1. I was a nervous virgin, who was going to have sex with a very experienced woman.
2. I am aware virgins are not usually good at sex, more nervousness. As she has said that is how she normally decides if she will be in a relationship with someone. She said she has never had good sex with someone who had less than 5 partners.
3. Though she was and is (I saw her in public about a year ago) a stunning beautiful thin woman. I am only aroused by fat women.
4. Right when we are about to have sex, she tells me it will likely be boring…

And erection gone! No amount of thinking of fat women could bring it back from the dead. The next day we had a talk and both parted ways mutually. I had so many guys ask me what happen. I just would say we weren’t right for each other. I was so embarrassed at the time. There is a part of me now that very badly wants to tell her the truth, because I know she will find it funny. I sure as hell do. But it would have to be in an appropriate setting, which is very unlikely to happen.
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Old 01-28-2018, 06:07 PM   #82
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FF, I can see why that would have been embarrassing. But in hindsight it’s all good. Especially now when things couldn’t be better from a relationship standpoint.

The epilogue to my embarrassing story came about 6 or so years after I went soft inside this woman. We were visiting my parents when my wife had to make an ER visit.

It’s important to pause here and add a few details. The girl I went soft in worked at a strip club when I had my embarrassing incident with her. She cleaned up on nights and weekends. The money she made? Put her through a nursing program. So there I am with my 330 pound wife at the ER back in the town I’d gone to HS, this girl’s hometown, and guess who our ER nurse is?

She was very polite and professional but you could tell she was surprised I had such a fat wife. Still, if she connected my failure to stay hard inside her with my preference for fatties she didn’t let on.

And all this talk about embarrassing moments in sex has inspired me. I’ll have a new thread up on the subject on the appropriate forum later tonight!
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Old 02-11-2018, 08:11 AM   #83
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We were at a store yesterday and my wife drew some disapproving looks from a couple who looked to be in their early 30s. They were with some additional family members (their kids, and older couple, and maybe an adult sibling or something like that. Total a group of 9-10).

I won’t get into all the details, just that as their group progress through the store the looks of contempt were consistent. I see this from time to time and don’t always comment on it here because it’s fairly routine by now.

I’m mentioning this group from yesterday because of one thing: neither of these two were in great shape themselves. Both were about 5’9, he may have been and inch r so taller than her. She was chubby, perhaps a little over 200 pounds. He was easily 220 or so, with a noticeable gut. So basically you have two plumbers shooting looks of contempt and even motioning toward my wife and shaking their heads, and they themselves are overweight too!

To make things worse they were openly rude to me. I found a wallet on the ground. It was a kids wallet but I still checked for identification inside and there was a driver’s license. The picture looked like it could have been the guy from this couple. I turned it into the customer service desk but bumped into them as I was returning to my family. I asked if he had dropped a wallet and explained why I asked. He just stared and she gave an overstated sigh and said, “We didn’t drop a wallet.” And pressed on.

As if all this time in the store shooting dirty looks and being rude to someone who was trying to be courteous, they were all just outside the exit when we left. The adults were all lighting up. The smell of cigarette smoke filled the air and was disgusting.

I just think it’s interesting when people who are themselves overweight display such contempt for an overweight person. Their smoking habit pushes it over the top.

It was raining when we exited and I makes sure I said within earshot of this couple and their family, “Do you want me to go pull up the car? Do you mind waiting here? It’s a bit low brow.” I motioned toward the couple as I said this.

Probably not the best way to handle it. A bit passive aggressive, and truthfully this group was undeserving of a response of any kind. Still I’m only human.
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Old 02-11-2018, 03:51 PM   #84
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We were at a store yesterday and my wife drew some disapproving looks from a couple who looked to be in their early 30s. They were with some additional family members (their kids, and older couple, and maybe an adult sibling or something like that. Total a group of 9-10).

I won’t get into all the details, just that as their group progress through the store the looks of contempt were consistent. I see this from time to time and don’t always comment on it here because it’s fairly routine by now.

I’m mentioning this group from yesterday because of one thing: neither of these two were in great shape themselves. Both were about 5’9, he may have been and inch r so taller than her. She was chubby, perhaps a little over 200 pounds. He was easily 220 or so, with a noticeable gut. So basically you have two plumbers shooting looks of contempt and even motioning toward my wife and shaking their heads, and they themselves are overweight too!

To make things worse they were openly rude to me. I found a wallet on the ground. It was a kids wallet but I still checked for identification inside and there was a driver’s license. The picture looked like it could have been the guy from this couple. I turned it into the customer service desk but bumped into them as I was returning to my family. I asked if he had dropped a wallet and explained why I asked. He just stared and she gave an overstated sigh and said, “We didn’t drop a wallet.” And pressed on.

As if all this time in the store shooting dirty looks and being rude to someone who was trying to be courteous, they were all just outside the exit when we left. The adults were all lighting up. The smell of cigarette smoke filled the air and was disgusting.

I just think it’s interesting when people who are themselves overweight display such contempt for an overweight person. Their smoking habit pushes it over the top.

It was raining when we exited and I makes sure I said within earshot of this couple and their family, “Do you want me to go pull up the car? Do you mind waiting here? It’s a bit low brow.” I motioned toward the couple as I said this.

Probably not the best way to handle it. A bit passive aggressive, and truthfully this group was undeserving of a response of any kind. Still I’m only human.
From everything you've said here, this might not even have been weight-related. Maybe they just hated your shirt or something.
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Old 02-11-2018, 04:10 PM   #85
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From everything you've said here, this might not even have been weight-related. Maybe they just hated your shirt or something.
That is possible. But like most of this thread talks about, it was probably the 400 lbs woman with the muscular/lean-body-build husband. That violates social norms.
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Old 02-11-2018, 04:30 PM   #86
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We were at a store yesterday and my wife drew some disapproving looks from a couple who looked to be in their early 30s. They were with some additional family members (their kids, and older couple, and maybe an adult sibling or something like that. Total a group of 9-10).

I won’t get into all the details, just that as their group progress through the store the looks of contempt were consistent. I see this from time to time and don’t always comment on it here because it’s fairly routine by now.

I’m mentioning this group from yesterday because of one thing: neither of these two were in great shape themselves. Both were about 5’9, he may have been and inch r so taller than her. She was chubby, perhaps a little over 200 pounds. He was easily 220 or so, with a noticeable gut. So basically you have two plumbers shooting looks of contempt and even motioning toward my wife and shaking their heads, and they themselves are overweight too!

To make things worse they were openly rude to me. I found a wallet on the ground. It was a kids wallet but I still checked for identification inside and there was a driver’s license. The picture looked like it could have been the guy from this couple. I turned it into the customer service desk but bumped into them as I was returning to my family. I asked if he had dropped a wallet and explained why I asked. He just stared and she gave an overstated sigh and said, “We didn’t drop a wallet.” And pressed on.

As if all this time in the store shooting dirty looks and being rude to someone who was trying to be courteous, they were all just outside the exit when we left. The adults were all lighting up. The smell of cigarette smoke filled the air and was disgusting.

I just think it’s interesting when people who are themselves overweight display such contempt for an overweight person. Their smoking habit pushes it over the top.

It was raining when we exited and I makes sure I said within earshot of this couple and their family, “Do you want me to go pull up the car? Do you mind waiting here? It’s a bit low brow.” I motioned toward the couple as I said this.

Probably not the best way to handle it. A bit passive aggressive, and truthfully this group was undeserving of a response of any kind. Still I’m only human.
These situations are just odd. It’s hard to relate to these people, or guess the reason for their staring. It’s definitely weirder if multiple people are staring, making you wonder if they are talking about you/her/both of you.
Was the attention mostly on her? Or both of you?

You would think, them being (small?) fat would make them sympathetic to other fat people, but apparently not. They could just be rude people. I sometimes wonder if denial is just going on. Or if they are thinking, “Well, I am fat, but I am glad I am not that fat.” My girlfriend says she prefers having fat girlfriends, “because they understand.” After she said that, I realized that basically all of her girlfriends are different sizes of BBW. It was kind of a cool moment when it dawned on me.

My go to for this type of behavior, for the last year or so, has been to be super affectionate in front of these types of people. Sometimes just wave at them. Most people when caught gawking, stop doing it. But again, there is no right response.
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Old 02-12-2018, 03:42 PM   #87
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We were at a store yesterday and my wife drew some disapproving looks from a couple who looked to be in their early 30s. They were with some additional family members (their kids, and older couple, and maybe an adult sibling or something like that. Total a group of 9-10).

I won’t get into all the details, just that as their group progress through the store the looks of contempt were consistent. I see this from time to time and don’t always comment on it here because it’s fairly routine by now.

I’m mentioning this group from yesterday because of one thing: neither of these two were in great shape themselves. Both were about 5’9, he may have been and inch r so taller than her. She was chubby, perhaps a little over 200 pounds. He was easily 220 or so, with a noticeable gut. So basically you have two plumbers shooting looks of contempt and even motioning toward my wife and shaking their heads, and they themselves are overweight too!

To make things worse they were openly rude to me. I found a wallet on the ground. It was a kids wallet but I still checked for identification inside and there was a driver’s license. The picture looked like it could have been the guy from this couple. I turned it into the customer service desk but bumped into them as I was returning to my family. I asked if he had dropped a wallet and explained why I asked. He just stared and she gave an overstated sigh and said, “We didn’t drop a wallet.” And pressed on.

As if all this time in the store shooting dirty looks and being rude to someone who was trying to be courteous, they were all just outside the exit when we left. The adults were all lighting up. The smell of cigarette smoke filled the air and was disgusting.

I just think it’s interesting when people who are themselves overweight display such contempt for an overweight person. Their smoking habit pushes it over the top.

It was raining when we exited and I makes sure I said within earshot of this couple and their family, “Do you want me to go pull up the car? Do you mind waiting here? It’s a bit low brow.” I motioned toward the couple as I said this.

Probably not the best way to handle it. A bit passive aggressive, and truthfully this group was undeserving of a response of any kind. Still I’m only human.
So...you assumed they were rude and judgemental about your wife's lifestyle choices, and in turn you judged them as being "low brow" for choosing to smoke?
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Old 02-12-2018, 04:48 PM   #88
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So...you assumed they were rude and judgemental about your wife's lifestyle choices, and in turn you judged them as being "low brow" for choosing to smoke?
Do you think smoking was the only thing HM wrote that made them "low brow?"
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Old 02-12-2018, 06:08 PM   #89
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Do you think smoking was the only thing HM wrote that made them "low brow?"
No...he also mentioned they were overweight.

Am I really the only one on here with a huge measure of discomfort over his posts? He goes on ad nauseum about how THIN and FIT and ATHLETIC he is. How he is so obsessed with working out....and as an aside he's so wealthy and successful? All the while describing his wife's lifestyle choices that make it obvious she has an eating disorder?
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:44 PM   #90
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No...he also mentioned they were overweight.

Am I really the only one on here with a huge measure of discomfort over his posts? He goes on ad nauseum about how THIN and FIT and ATHLETIC he is. How he is so obsessed with working out....and as an aside he's so wealthy and successful? All the while describing his wife's lifestyle choices that make it obvious she has an eating disorder?

I was referring to the staring, gesturing, and rudeness they displayed toward HM and his wife. Not about them being overweight.

I personally look forward to HM’s posts. He is one of the few people I have meet online or in real life that has very similar experiences to my own. Often when he posts something, it will loosen an old memory from my past, that I have kind of forgotten about until I read his posts.

Neither of us are big fans of being told, “You don’t look like the type of guy who likes fat chicks!” The stereotype being redneck, poor, and uneducated. All FAs I have met in real life unfortunately fit this stereotype. So, yeah for passive-aggressive complements, I guess.

I also frequently mention that I am a lean weightlifter. I actually don’t mention it to brag. It is for reference to the thread when I do. Often when people post about their experiences, I am left to wonder if how they look is effecting what they are talking about. There are times I think I might be bringing it up to much. The title of this thread is” Reactions and Observations From a ‘Mismatched’ Couple.” It is very relevant here.
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Old 02-12-2018, 08:04 PM   #91
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So...you assumed they were rude and judgemental about your wife's lifestyle choices, and in turn you judged them as being "low brow" for choosing to smoke?
Like I admitted...I’m only human. Judge away!

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Do you think smoking was the only thing HM wrote that made them "low brow?"
In all actuality it was the totality of the experience that led to my comment. I didn’t mention but the store was a Bass Pro shop and those stores have a big fish display. My kids were looking at the fish and this group came over and aggressively crowded them out. It was around this time I found the wallet and turned it in. Only as I was walking back did I think the guy could pass for the guy on the license. Wrong I was I guess but that’s not the point. If a complete stranger asked me if I had lost a wallet I’d be polite knowing he/she was trying to do the right thing. I would expect the same of others if I’m trying to do the right thing.

So the comment was more than assumptions. It was a logical conclusion based on the only data I had on them. Data they provided.

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No...he also mentioned they were overweight.

Am I really the only one on here with a huge measure of discomfort over his posts? He goes on ad nauseum about how THIN and FIT and ATHLETIC he is. How he is so obsessed with working out....and as an aside he's so wealthy and successful? All the while describing his wife's lifestyle choices that make it obvious she has an eating disorder?
I mentioned their weight solely to convey people who are overweight shouldn’t be judgmental of others’ weight issues. I don’t expect them to automatically have empathy for others who are overweight, though that would be nice.

As for references to my fitness, it’s a big part of who I am. I mention it here because much of what I put on here are from the context of a relationship combination that is considered unconventional. Like it or not, people struggle with the notion that fit guys may like bigger girls, and I post here from the context of witnessing those reactions from people on a frequent basis.

And for the record a few years ago my wife had a run of success with weight loss. I supported her efforts and spoke highly of her hard work. Some members blasted me for that. Some blast me for enjoying her current weight. If you don’t like it all I ask (and I am saying this politely not provocatively) is you remember people can never please everyone. I don’t try. I don’t set out to offend anyone but I’m not here to make anyone happy either. I’m just sharing some thoughts and observations. Do with them what you will.
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Old 02-13-2018, 04:21 AM   #92
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No...he also mentioned they were overweight.

Am I really the only one on here with a huge measure of discomfort over his posts? He goes on ad nauseum about how THIN and FIT and ATHLETIC he is. How he is so obsessed with working out....and as an aside he's so wealthy and successful? All the while describing his wife's lifestyle choices that make it obvious she has an eating disorder?
Where did he describe what his wife was eating?

P.S.: If I thought he were trying to brag about his fitness, I would find that a bit odd, but I didn't get that impression. It seemed more like he just mentioned it for the purposes of context.

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And for the record a few years ago my wife had a run of success with weight loss. I supported her efforts and spoke highly of her hard work. Some members blasted me for that. Some blast me for enjoying her current weight. If you don’t like it all I ask (and I am saying this politely not provocatively) is you remember people can never please everyone. I don’t try. I don’t set out to offend anyone but I’m not here to make anyone happy either. I’m just sharing some thoughts and observations. Do with them what you will.
You've mentioned this before, and again, I didn't get the impression you were boasting or anything like that. I don't really get it, but it's your life.
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Old 02-13-2018, 08:31 AM   #93
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These situations are just odd. It’s hard to relate to these people, or guess the reason for their staring. It’s definitely weirder if multiple people are staring, making you wonder if they are talking about you/her/both of you.
Was the attention mostly on her? Or both of you?

You would think, them being (small?) fat would make them sympathetic to other fat people, but apparently not. They could just be rude people. I sometimes wonder if denial is just going on. Or if they are thinking, “Well, I am fat, but I am glad I am not that fat.” My girlfriend says she prefers having fat girlfriends, “because they understand.” After she said that, I realized that basically all of her girlfriends are different sizes of BBW. It was kind of a cool moment when it dawned on me.

My go to for this type of behavior, for the last year or so, has been to be super affectionate in front of these types of people. Sometimes just wave at them. Most people when caught gawking, stop doing it. But again, there is no right response.
The last paragraph here is key. We’ve discussed this idea from time to time and I’ll repeat it here. Nobody will ever be able to see my public interaction with my wife and assume I’ve settled. They’d have to do some serious mental yoga to conclude that I’m anything short of smitten by her. She likes it too because sometimes she’s the one who picks up on judgmental stares and always loves it when I start fawning all over her, unprompted, in front of a judgmental stare.
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Old 02-13-2018, 09:21 AM   #94
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Where did he describe what his wife was eating?

P.S.: If I thought he were trying to brag about his fitness, I would find that a bit odd, but I didn't get that impression. It seemed more like he just mentioned it for the purposes of context.



You've mentioned this before, and again, I didn't get the impression you were boasting or anything like that. I don't really get it, but it's your life.
It's not what....it's how. He's said repeatedly she does not like being fat, yet he describes in detail her eating habits. Any casual observer would believe she suffers from Compulsive Eating. By his own telling, she routinely eats massive amounts of junk food and has more than doubled her weight as an adult. She is not a feedee/gainer yet weighs over 400 pounds.

The majority of his posts are humblebrags. He's repeatedly outlined how fit he is. Lately he added in his education and income. Those posts are alternated with posts about his wife's eating habits----Wendy's shakes, multiple pastries at Starbucks and a dozen donuts at a time. Her eating habits as he recounts them are indicative of a compulsive overeater.
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Old 02-13-2018, 02:41 PM   #95
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I've followed this thread for a while from the perspective of a communication scientist with a mixture of amusement, irritation and also disbelief.

Because except in the reported incidents where people verbally addressed the issue, most of what we read here are overinterpretations, projections and misunderstandings.

If you are overtly aware of an issue yourself, you actively look for cues and interpret them into actions of people observed which these most likely never sent.
Many of the patterns in the perceived incidents described in this thread's posts are typical up to an adolescent age, mainly among protagonists who know each other. Finding them in interactions between casually passing adults in such frequency as elaborated here IRL is statistically highly unlikely.

Which leads to one of the general underlying issues at Dims and all other community sites that cater to special interests and preferences.

Most of us come here because we care deeply about an issue - and probably would long to have more of it in our daily reality one way or the other. There is a great word in German to describe this state of mind: Sehnsucht. It's usually simply translated with either 'longing' or 'desire'. But the compound word literally means "fervent desire for your addiction" (in this case mental addiction) - which probably hits pretty close to home with many here.

So the lines between reality, fantasy and desire can become blurred. A few of us - like myself - actually write out our fantasies as weight gain fiction - and label it as such. Other spice up their reality with fantasy details. Or embellish their life stories with the deeper meaning they wish to be there.
We have a number of such "real life" stories on the Weight Board where it honestly exasperates me that other readers refuse to see the 105% obvious signs that these are not real life stories, but fiction.

Which leads to the second issue just addressed and that is a general internet problem, not exclusive to Dims. Namely that reporting episodes from real life mostly not only features the reporter him/herself - but also other protagonists.

Now in most cases the referenced spouses and significant others are not members of this community. I've occassionally wondered how they would react to knowing how much about them and their personal lives can be found here.
The internet is generally not a good place for upholding privacy rights - and personal storytelling including external protagonists has always been tolerated here on Dims. after all, communities live off their members stories - which can be informative, educational, inspiring, warning, etc.

Yet every once in a while, a reality check as to whether those whose stories you're telling would really want would probably do more good than harm.
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Old 02-13-2018, 03:37 PM   #96
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^^This^^

Best post I've seen in my short time here.
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Old 02-13-2018, 05:37 PM   #97
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I've followed this thread for a while from the perspective of a communication scientist with a mixture of amusement, irritation and also disbelief.

Because except in the reported incidents where people verbally addressed the issue, most of what we read here are overinterpretations, projections and misunderstandings.

If you are overtly aware of an issue yourself, you actively look for cues and interpret them into actions of people observed which these most likely never sent.
Many of the patterns in the perceived incidents described in this thread's posts are typical up to an adolescent age, mainly among protagonists who know each other. Finding them in interactions between casually passing adults in such frequency as elaborated here IRL is statistically highly unlikely.

Which leads to one of the general underlying issues at Dims and all other community sites that cater to special interests and preferences.

Most of us come here because we care deeply about an issue - and probably would long to have more of it in our daily reality one way or the other. There is a great word in German to describe this state of mind: Sehnsucht. It's usually simply translated with either 'longing' or 'desire'. But the compound word literally means "fervent desire for your addiction" (in this case mental addiction) - which probably hits pretty close to home with many here.

So the lines between reality, fantasy and desire can become blurred. A few of us - like myself - actually write out our fantasies as weight gain fiction - and label it as such. Other spice up their reality with fantasy details. Or embellish their life stories with the deeper meaning they wish to be there.
We have a number of such "real life" stories on the Weight Board where it honestly exasperates me that other readers refuse to see the 105% obvious signs that these are not real life stories, but fiction.

Which leads to the second issue just addressed and that is a general internet problem, not exclusive to Dims. Namely that reporting episodes from real life mostly not only features the reporter him/herself - but also other protagonists.

Now in most cases the referenced spouses and significant others are not members of this community. I've occassionally wondered how they would react to knowing how much about them and their personal lives can be found here.
The internet is generally not a good place for upholding privacy rights - and personal storytelling including external protagonists has always been tolerated here on Dims. after all, communities live off their members stories - which can be informative, educational, inspiring, warning, etc.

Yet every once in a while, a reality check as to whether those whose stories you're telling would really want would probably do more good than harm.
You are being vague with your first issue, which I would consider to be everything you wrote before you said, “Which leads to the second issue” Either vague or rambling. When people are not aware of an issue or problem, they probably wont notice signs of it. This applies to almost everything in life. Are you trying to say that you believe we are writing fiction in this thread? Or are you trying to say we should not want to have fat partners?

For your second issue, I tell the majority of what I write on Dims, that is either note worthy or generated interesting responses to my girlfriend. I posted one picture of us kissing, after asking her if it is okay. That picture is not enough to identify either of us in real life. Are you aware of the website Reddit? Talking about personal issues with strangers is all the website is.

One of the biggest reasons I post at Dims is that I want other people out there to know that they are not alone. Sure Dims might not get a huge amount of traffic, but if someone was searching answers or people like themselves. People should go do what makes them happy.
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Old 02-14-2018, 08:29 AM   #98
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As I read agouderia's post, I think her first point refers to our interpretations of other people's non-verbal interactions with us. In other words, what we may perceive as a "disapproving look" may not always be so, or it may not be related to being or accompanying a fat partner.

Sometimes it is, certainly, but we don't know that that is always so.


Just my take on it.
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Old 02-14-2018, 09:13 AM   #99
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeThinker View Post
As I read agouderia's post, I think her first point refers to our interpretations of other people's non-verbal interactions with us. In other words, what we may perceive as a "disapproving look" may not always be so, or it may not be related to being or accompanying a fat partner.

Sometimes it is, certainly, but we don't know that that is always so.


Just my take on it.
I took her post the same way. Essentially she’s warning against confirmation bias: we expect people to react to us a certain way and we condition ourselves to expect that reaction. Then anything a person says or does we take as proof our expectations.

To a great extent everyone experiences confirmation bias in one way or another. I am sensitive to it with regard to the observations that prompted this thread, and share only a fraction of the experiences I witness. Not all of them are worthy of talking about and in some cases they may not even be what I thought they were. I’m not sure if that will appease the concerns she laid out in her post, or if I’m even on target with what she’s getting at. Still, that’s how I understood it and my own personal position on what I understand her concerns to be.

As for her second point, people can only answer for themselves. I’ve actually asked my wife a few times to join Dims but forums like this aren’t really her thing. She shares the same types of things I share here, just in other outlets. A lot of the stuff I share here I wouldn’t tell a close friend. She’s the exact opposite. We make it work and respect that we both need our respective outlets.
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Old 02-14-2018, 10:03 AM   #100
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Its fine to work out and be healthy as it is fine to dress nicely.
"Wealthy" isn't a bad thing either so why bash HM for being a good steward with the money he earns Loves BHMS?
He has never given me the impression of boasting about anything like that.
People that complain about what others have worked hard for all their lives really need to stop being like that.
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