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Old 10-16-2017, 12:08 AM   #1
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Default Was he flirting with me or just being friendly?

I'd appreciate responses from men more but anyone is welcome to comment.

Figuring out how males operate has got to be one of the most difficult things on the planet -- for me, anyway. At first I thought he was flirting but then realized he may have just been being friendly towards me because he saw me often and recognized me (he's a line or fry cook and I go to his place of employment 2 times per week).

He used to always smile and often wave at me, baring his teeth, but suddenly stopped. Note that he did not usually do this with other women, save for 2 rare occasssions thus far. Many other customers, who were arguably more attractive than me according to society's standards, would come into his line of sight, but he did not bat an eye, save for those 2 occasions.

He also did this gesture in which he smiled at me, lips closed, and slowly nodded his head. I copied him. The only time he ever talked to me was when he said, "How are you?" months ago.

I mirrored his gestures, which I believe made me look open to a chat. I have tried to subtly flirt by, for example, putting my hair to the side and exposing my neck in front of him.

I've also given him quick glances, played with my hair, put on lipstick in front of him, et cetera. I cannot bring myself to talk to him.

I am not sure I buy the "can't flirt or engage with customers" explanation because he was already doing that a bit. I'd be delighted to have sex with him, so I hope all is not lost.

I was told by a co-worker that he does not speak English, but may have been lied to because I swear I heard him speak some recently, though almost his entire FB page is in Spanish.

I think that, were I thin, I'd be much more likely to approach him myself. His listed interests on Facebook are of thin, glamourous women. Physical exercise is also an interest and we all know how most people view fat people and working out, right?

Darn it if I am not tempted to just send him a nude photo but I don't know if he'd receive that well. He is young, most likely in his 20s.


I know that Mexicans in general are quite fatphobic, though perhaps to not the same degree as Americans.

I just don't want to be delusional and think THAT was flirting. Now he barely looks at me, if at all. I don't believe it's shyness because he has over 1,000 FB friends and seems to be relatively chatty at work.

Sigh. Arturo, you are so fine, so gorgeous. I wish you'd talk to me.

Sorry about the rant -- I have tried to post a variation of this on other sites but have gotten nowhere.

Last edited by FatBarbieDoll; 10-16-2017 at 12:09 AM. Reason: Missed period on the very last sentence and I am a grammar nerd.
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Old 10-16-2017, 12:17 AM   #2
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It sounds to me like he was just being friendly towards a customer he recognised. But I'm not a guy, so...
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Old 10-16-2017, 12:27 AM   #3
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Default Yeah.

I obviously thought that too. I noticed he looked at me a bit longer when I got dressed up one day, though, but that does not mean anything for sure.

Another worker there stares at me sans a smile and slowly nods his head. That, to me, shows interest, so maybe I should forget about this dude and flirt with the other one. I forgot to mention that Arturo didn't just do the smiling and waving once -- he'd often do it 2-3 times in total when I visited.

I much prefer this guy but the other one isn't necessarily bad-looking either...
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Old 10-16-2017, 02:48 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by FatBarbieDoll View Post
I obviously thought that too. I noticed he looked at me a bit longer when I got dressed up one day, though, but that does not mean anything for sure.

Another worker there stares at me sans a smile and slowly nods his head. That, to me, shows interest, so maybe I should forget about this dude and flirt with the other one. I forgot to mention that Arturo didn't just do the smiling and waving once -- he'd often do it 2-3 times in total when I visited.

I much prefer this guy but the other one isn't necessarily bad-looking either...
Sounds like, if he recognises you and smiles at you, he is interested.

Pop over and say Hola to him. He is probably as shy as you are.

Nothing to lose and a whole lot to gain.
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Old 10-16-2017, 03:18 AM   #5
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Default I can't bring myself to talk to him.

Like I said, I doubt he's shy -- he has over 1,000 friends on FB and is relatively chatty at work.

I wish he'd just reach out so that we could play doctor together.

What I have to lose is that I could no longer eat there if he were to reject me; I can eat where I shit but cannot shit where I eat.
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Old 10-16-2017, 07:57 AM   #6
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It sounds to me like he's interested. So far your overtures have been subtle, though. In my experience, this doesn't work with most guys, who are about as subtle as a bulldozer. He just may have missed the signals. Your best bet, in my opinion, would be to smile and say "Hi!" the next time you see him: you've been his customer long enough so that this won't seem forward. As an established customer, you could even go on to say, "You know, I've been coming here forever, but I've never introduced myself. My name's Barbie." If he's at all interested, he'll say, " Hi, I'm Ken." If he just says "Hi," you'll know he's not interested, but you haven't committed yourself to anything.

Incidentally, the Mexican-Americans I've known were far from fatphobic. I taught in the barrio for a couple of years and was briefly married to a Chicana BBW. In Los Angeles, at least, the local lads were VERY interested in curvy girls.
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Old 10-16-2017, 08:47 AM   #7
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He's doing what I'd do to flirt, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's flirting.


Here's a few things to try:

"So how much longer do you have to stay here today?"

*he answers*

"Well, you must be looking forward to getting back home to your wife after that."

(Talking about work is safe)



Or...

"Do you ever get tired of eating here? Where would you go for dinner if you went out?"

(Asking a food guy's opinion about food is safe...unless it's Gordon Ramsay )



Or:

"If you cook like this at home, your wife is a very lucky lady!"

(It's up to you how much you want to emphasize 'very' when you say this...no emphasis, or dropping your voice while sliding your hand along your neck while you lean in to flaunt yourself represent the two extremes here, I think. )



Or:

"I like coming here; you're so dependable. There must be sometime you do something else, though...?"



Just some thoughts. I don't think any response to that kind of conversation should make you feel uncomfortable about going back to eat there.

The nude pics? Um...hold off just a bit with that for now (no idea what kind of emoticon to use for that one).

However it turns out, you'll feel more powerful for not letting doubt rule you.

Good luck!
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Old 10-16-2017, 12:15 PM   #8
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Just ask him what he would recommend on the menu. If he is interested he is going to try to chat you up. You can say somethings you tried and how you felt about them. No pressure as these are normal questions, anyone could ask. But helps gauge if he wants to interact with you. If you have been looking at him a lot, you might just stand out because he noticed you looking.

Oh god, no nudes! There is a high chance of that backfiring on you. Unless he is very interested in you, there is a high chance he is going to turn around and show it to coworkers and people who may recognize you. It would seem out of nowhere to him. Getting unexpected nudes might be the funniest part of his day, that has nothing to do with how you look.
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Old 10-16-2017, 05:51 PM   #9
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Default Hm...

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Originally Posted by fuelingfire View Post
Just ask him what he would recommend on the menu. If he is interested he is going to try to chat you up. You can say somethings you tried and how you felt about them. No pressure as these are normal questions, anyone could ask. But helps gauge if he wants to interact with you. If you have been looking at him a lot, you might just stand out because he noticed you looking.

Oh god, no nudes! There is a high chance of that backfiring on you. Unless he is very interested in you, there is a high chance he is going to turn around and show it to coworkers and people who may recognize you. It would seem out of nowhere to him. Getting unexpected nudes might be the funniest part of his day, that has nothing to do with how you look.


He started the whole "looking, smiling and waving" bit. The thing is, I have tried to smile at him before and he did not smile back. This was around the time he was smiling and waving at me. Should I choose to smile at him now, I am skeptical I'd get a positive result.

Also, he may be looking at me on Facebook, since he shows up in the section titled "People You May Know", but that could be because I looked at him a lot, so he's showing up automatically and not actually looking.

I did not and would not send nudes -- I am just tempted to do so because he makes me feel hot and bothered.

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Old 10-16-2017, 05:59 PM   #10
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You found him on FB...so are you now his FB friend?

Seems like a safe enough place to find out if he speaks English- if he accepts your friend request.

There is always Google translator....

Don't do the nudes....always make 'em work up to the good stuff
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Old 10-16-2017, 10:53 PM   #11
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Default No.

No, we are not friends -- I simply found his profile after doing some digging.

Reacting to a friend request does not prove he speaks English because Facefart on his end is likely to be in Spanish if he is not bilingual, so he will be able to read everything.

However, I really don't know whether or not he speaks English and am refraining from making assumptions.

Some things I do know are that he gives me a massive ladyboner and I fantasize endlessly about what I'd like him to do to me. LOL!

Besides, there is not much reading involved when it comes to friend requesting. I could easily figure out what was going on if my entire page was in Japanese, even though I don't speak it.
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Old 10-16-2017, 11:02 PM   #12
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Default There is stuff to lose.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Reddi View Post
Sounds like, if he recognises you and smiles at you, he is interested.

Pop over and say Hola to him. He is probably as shy as you are.

Nothing to lose and a whole lot to gain.
There is stuff to lose here. I cannot go back there if I become direct with him and it fails; I can eat where I shit but cannnot shit where I eat.
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Old 10-17-2017, 12:34 AM   #13
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As a guy that works in retail I can say most people smile at me (now I am married so these are only my observations). Subtle won't work in a retail environment as being friendly is part of the job; but if he is making a point of smiling and waving at you and making eye contact more than once he might be interested. Confidence is key and a more direct approach is necessary and some of the things that were suggested that you could say would be perfect because they open the door, allow you to gather more information; things don't have to be weird if it turns out he isn't interested as there is no harm in offering to buy him a coffee or a cold drink after work or when he isn't working. If I was going to flirt with a woman (if I was single) I would be subtle because that's how I am wired; but being subtle never got me anywhere with women and I met my wife because I was more direct and more confident
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Old 10-17-2017, 10:50 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by petersmyth79 View Post
As a guy that works in retail I can say most people smile at me (now I am married so these are only my observations). Subtle won't work in a retail environment as being friendly is part of the job; but if he is making a point of smiling and waving at you and making eye contact more than once he might be interested. Confidence is key and a more direct approach is necessary and some of the things that were suggested that you could say would be perfect because they open the door, allow you to gather more information; things don't have to be weird if it turns out he isn't interested as there is no harm in offering to buy him a coffee or a cold drink after work or when he isn't working. If I was going to flirt with a woman (if I was single) I would be subtle because that's how I am wired; but being subtle never got me anywhere with women and I met my wife because I was more direct and more confident
He'd make it a point to at least smile more than once, usually and often wave when he first saw me, teeth bared. This seemed to be intentional too.

He has suddenly stopped, which sucks. I was more motivated to go there to check him out than eat the food -- it's mediocre at best. 😞
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Old 10-17-2017, 05:31 PM   #15
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No, we are not friends -- I simply found his profile after doing some digging.

Reacting to a friend request does not prove he speaks English because Facefart on his end is likely to be in Spanish if he is not bilingual, so he will be able to read everything.

However, I really don't know whether or not he speaks English and am refraining from making assumptions.

Some things I do know are that he gives me a massive ladyboner and I fantasize endlessly about what I'd like him to do to me. LOL!

Besides, there is not much reading involved when it comes to friend requesting. I could easily figure out what was going on if my entire page was in Japanese, even though I don't speak it.
English or no....it's a way to break the ice. Just see if he accepts your casual friend request...then work from there. Friending him on his personal page takes the relationship beyond just being friendly to a customer. You are becoming part of his personal space.

Just seems like a really easy way to test the water....without too much too soon.
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Old 10-19-2017, 06:52 AM   #16
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There is stuff to lose here. I cannot go back there if I become direct with him and it fails; I can eat where I shit but cannnot shit where I eat.
In which case, totally ignore him and feel happy that you avoided being blanked.
Maybe show him the bird to let him know this.
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Old 10-19-2017, 08:06 PM   #17
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His boss may have seen him flirt with you in the beginning and he was told not to do that so maybe thats why he stopped with the smiles.
Guys are hard to figure out for me too.
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Old 10-19-2017, 08:25 PM   #18
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His boss may have seen him flirt with you in the beginning and he was told not to do that so maybe thats why he stopped with the smiles.
Guys are hard to figure out for me too.
That makes a lot of sense.
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Old 10-19-2017, 08:39 PM   #19
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I worked in retail for years and despite being a curmudgeon I would always brighten whenever a customer I was attracted to came in. Perhaps I was less friendly at times but in general I don't think I was ever initially friendly with someone I liked and then later subdued. I was pretty consistently pleased to see women I liked.

I don't want to bum you out but from your description it sounds like he isn't really into you. Sure, maybe he's shy like I am but I feel like I would've been (and was) more receptive to flirty behavior from people I perceived as liking me.
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Old 10-19-2017, 10:51 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Tracii View Post
His boss may have seen him flirt with you in the beginning and he was told not to do that so maybe thats why he stopped with the smiles.
Guys are hard to figure out for me too.
I never thought of that but it's plausible. I went in there one day and he was doing it then, by the next time I went in, the behavior suddenly stopped.

The thing is, he is showing up in the section titled "People You May Know" on Fartbook (after I looked at him first, so it could be automatic and does not mean he is looking) and he has still not reached out to me.

I wonder if race could be at play too, like he is scared to approach white women.

Sigh. I may never know...I want to taste him so darn bad. Hehe. I wish I knew how old he is, at the very least. I am almost 30 and I am highly confident he is younger than that -- my guess puts him in his early to mid-twenties -- but I cannot get an exact number.
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Old 10-20-2017, 02:23 AM   #21
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Sorry about the rant -- I have tried to post a variation of this on other sites but have gotten nowhere.
Well, don't send him any nude photos. As a man myself, I can tell you that smiling often just means he's being friendly. I smile at everyone, but wouldn't even consider flirting with more than 5% of them.

As for what's flirting and what isn't, the baseline of flirting, as I see it, is trying to talk to you about some interest, or giving you compliments on something innocuous. However, all of that would require him to speak your language at least somewhat.

Also, keep in mind that men are generally much less subtle than women, and have even less of an ability to recognize subtle flirting, by nature. I used to think a girl at work was fishing for compliments, and she really wasn't, so a lot of this can get very confusing for men.
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Old 10-20-2017, 03:44 PM   #22
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To the OP and other ladies who have expressed a difficulty in figuring out men, take heart. Most of us can’t figure women out either!

One of the biggest obstacles for both men and women is the inability to “turn the map around.” By that I mean view the situation not from your perspective but the other person’s. This phrase in the military communicates analyzing a tactical situation the way an enemy would. Now in relationships we obviously don’t want to consider the other gender to be the enemy (though many do, see “feminists” and MGTOW), but the ability to see something from someone else’s perspective is an important skill. And it’s one I believe too few develop.

All too often we get caught up in loving a person the way we want to love them and not the way they want or need to be loved. (Not to get too complex but on their part it’s important to understand that you can’t always change the way a partner shows love. Balance is key.) For example, my wife went through a phase where she was constantly buying me random gifts, most of which I had no interest in. This happened to correspond to a sexual dry spell. At one point the discussion came up she said she felt like she was struggling to figure me out. I said I was very simple: I am either one of the two H’s: hungry or horny. All she ever needs to do is one of the two F’s: feed or fuck me. For her, understanding that while she likes getting little gifts from time to time, and therefore projected that onto me, she was missing that I was motivated by something entirely different.

So being able to love the way you need to love, while somehow understanding how your partner needs to be love is a skill that will go a long way in a relationship.

OP, regarding your situation, it’s truly hard to say. If you’re seeing him at his place of employment keep in mind he is required to be polite and pleasant to all customers. Still, sometimes you get a connection, like there may be something more. All I can say is don’t be afraid to take a chance. My wife was once a Boston Market employee that I thought maybe might be flirting with me. A little.
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Old 10-20-2017, 04:22 PM   #23
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Default You're a smart guy.

I was hoping you'd reply; that was a very good post. Unfortunately, I cannot bring myself to talk to him -- I can barely manage to sneak a quick glance in his direction (I'm here now).

The way I look at it, he's unlikely to be shy, so he can make the first move if he's interested -- I know I am!

Since he has not, I am guessing it's either because he is:

A) Shy (not likely).

B) Uninterested and was just being nice.

C) Gave up because I wasn't clear that I was interested or because he was told to not flirt with customers.

D) Didn't bother because of the (possible) language barrier.

I know he's required to be polite to customers but he doesn't normally need to interact with them and seemed to go out of his way to smile and wave at me, since he does not usually do this with other patrons.
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Old 10-20-2017, 07:42 PM   #24
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Tracii has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tracii has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tracii has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tracii has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tracii has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tracii has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tracii has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tracii has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tracii has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tracii has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tracii has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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Maybe he has a problem with interracial dating or his family does.
Could be married or have a girlfriend already.
Might be gay or bi and afraid to put you thru that.
I dated one black guy a few times and when his family caught wind I was white I caught hell from his Mom and told to leave him alone, her son wasn't gonna date no white bitch.
A woman can't beat Mom and in the end he was a big Momma's boy and had no guts to persue me.
It could be lots of things so just take it day by day.
You don't want to appear needy so let him make the first move is the only advice I can give.
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Old 10-21-2017, 09:01 AM   #25
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fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracii View Post
His boss may have seen him flirt with you in the beginning and he was told not to do that so maybe thats why he stopped with the smiles.
Guys are hard to figure out for me too.
Between the ages of 14 and 24, I had part-time jobs working as a cook at many restaurants. Unless this is a $100 a plate restaurant, that is implausible. The vast majority of kitchens have some of the filthiest behaviors out there. If you have seen the movie "Waiting," I have personally witnessed every part of that movie in real life... even the ball game. I am certain, smiling and waving at a customer would not be discouraged.
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