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Old 01-11-2018, 05:37 AM   #1
Fumblenrumbles
 
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Default Feeds is ruining my relationship..

Am I wrong? What do I do?
Met gf online. She is a ssbbw, I am a thin man which is typically not her type. Whatever, that's fine as our sexually is more than compatible.

Fast forward after dating for some time, I relocate in the country so we can be together. Things are going great, however she begins to experience some health issues related to the heart. She suggests and I agree it's best if we stop her gaining.

After some time, she makes lots of comments about my size and how much I eat, not terribly mean but gets really pissy if I don't eat enough. Naturally, I am not interested in being a feedee but in an attempt to keep our sex life going I give gaining a serious consideration.

I decide to try to gain, hopefully no more than 50 lbs to satisfy her. I have stomach issues, so we decide shakes are the best way to go about it. I gained rather quickly and to this day its about 80 lbs. Around the 50 lb mark, I start feeling the effects and am not enjoying the sluggish feeling after being pretty thin naturally.

I talk to her about these feelings but she just gets angry and tells me we have to break up if I don't want to drink them anymore. She is obsessed with them. She calculates all my "caloric needs" to maintain and makes me drink a shake every day, if I don't she refuses to leave me alone and starts a huge blow out fight. Controls most of the food I eat and it's killing me.

I tell her perhaps we would be better seeing other people, as we are not on the same page about this and I do not want to be forced into a lifestyle that makes me miserable and causes resentment. She tells me if I lose weight, I will be so ugly and unattractive with excess skin and nobody will want me. I've stayed in this relationship because I feel so depressed and self conscious and according to her, "made a promise" and I need to follow through. I feel sorry for suggesting this in the first place and getting her hopes up, but this lack of freedom as an adult is seriously making my depression much worse and my anxiety is through the roof.

Am I wrong for wanting out? I recognize in hindsight I should've never agreed to something I didn't have my heart into. But I loved her, and wanted to make her happy, especially considering I have relocated my life, changed jobs, and moved away from family.

I feel like this is a consent issue and a form of mental abuse within my relationship. Everyone has preferences, but if she loved me before when I was thin, shouldn't she stay by me when I'm smaller too after losing? If not, why berate me and make my self esteem worse?

In regards to her health issues, I have taken a lot of time to consider my feelings, being a bbw lover, and I know I would stay with her if she lost weight and do my damnest to not let it ruin us.

Help!!!
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Old 01-11-2018, 08:06 AM   #2
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From what you said, I'd agree with you. If you don't want to gain, you shouldn't just for a partner.

It sounds like (based again solely on what you wrote) some aspect of feedism is probably pretty central to her sexuality, maybe even her persomality, so that someone in the relationship needs to be gaining. Which is a problem when she can't for health reasons and ultimately you don't want to.

It sucks if that drives you apart, but it may be something of a fundamental problem? I'd think some very frank talks should happen first, maybe when laid out stripped to its bare bones it is an issue you two can find a way to work with. Or maybe not, but try first.
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Old 01-11-2018, 02:30 PM   #3
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Yeah, that's incredibly abusive, what she is doing to you. You can either sit her down and talk to her about it or you could just leave. Personally I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a person that has been abusive to me no matter what their justification.
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Old 01-11-2018, 04:59 PM   #4
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Yeah, that's really not a good thing, what she's doing to you. You should definitely try to talk to her seriously about it, and if she is still stubborn, maybe it's best to move on.
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Old 01-12-2018, 10:46 AM   #5
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that's really an easy question. you should really get out and it is a good thing that you came here and talk about it. i'm sure there many more cases like this around the globe, man to woman and the other way around, truth this is a fetish and that cannot be forced on the other people, most importantly, health and wanting to feel good with ourselves is above everything
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Old 01-12-2018, 02:04 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by extra_m13 View Post
that's really an easy question. you should really get out and it is a good thing that you came here and talk about it. i'm sure there many more cases like this around the globe, man to woman and the other way around, truth this is a fetish and that cannot be forced on the other people, most importantly, health and wanting to feel good with ourselves is above everything
I agree entirely with what you wrote, but I wouldn't exactly call it an easy question. Obviously the OP still has some attachment to this person, and a lot of time and decisions invested in them, and leaving is going to be difficult for the OP. Belittling that (even unintentionally, as you did) isn't going to help them.
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Old 02-06-2018, 10:03 PM   #7
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I get it,I REALLY do. Being with a man who hates his size, despite knowing I love big men, has drained me. I am tired of fighting a losing battle. You knew when we met that I liked big guys & yet, unhealthy was a hard stop for me. You have called me a “freak” and “mentally ill”for my preference. Really, are you no better than society’s norm? Does it make you happier to cut me down. Asshole!
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Old 02-06-2018, 10:46 PM   #8
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No one should force their fetish on to someone, that what she is doing. I reckon you should get out of that relationship, it sounds really unhealthy.
And saying that if you lose weight you'll become ugly and unattractive and no one will want you cos of the loose skin, is a form of mental abuse and controlling.
Just get out of that abusive relationship and move on.
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Old 02-07-2018, 11:30 AM   #9
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Why not be a man and say no?
If she gets mad say I'm done with gaining but if you can't accept me for who I am then its over.
She sounds like she is too controlling and wants it all her way and that you and your wishes don't matter.
Why guys let women push them around like that is beyond me.
I would want a guy to be honest and tell me if he isn't happy in the relationship for whatever reason.
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Old 02-07-2018, 02:50 PM   #10
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Why not be a man and say no?
I hate that phrase "be a man". What does it even mean, really?

But yeah, just say no, and see what happens.
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Old 02-07-2018, 07:56 PM   #11
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What it means is don't let her walk all over you, so stand up and act like a man and say whats on your mind.
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