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Old 10-19-2006, 05:28 AM   #1
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Default Are there really FFAs?

I keep wondering.

As I read posts there seem to be, but they are very ellusive and disappear quickly. Are FFAs all in the "closet"?

Just wondering aloud.

Where oh where...
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Old 10-19-2006, 07:01 AM   #2
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They do exist as I would not have been a growing bhm without 1.
Patience is a virtue as it is a great feeling.
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Old 10-19-2006, 09:02 PM   #3
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Default We are here

Seeing that I am a former BBW who spent much of her time "couch dating" and being hidden by so-called FA's, I know how much it hurts to be a "guilty pleasure", so no I am not in the closet at all and I am a FFA who openly dates a wonderful 340 lb 18 year old BHYM (Big Handsome Young Man) who has met my entire family and who I would not hide for all the gold in Fort Knox! Everyone who knows me knows that I am attracted to both his looks and personality, but if he loses or gains weight, I will still love him as much as the day I met him. We are here, you just have to be patient and stop looking, because when you stop looking you find what you were looking for all along, I did!
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Old 10-20-2006, 03:32 PM   #4
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There's one right here! Who's single!
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Old 10-20-2006, 05:26 PM   #5
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And one who's married!
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Old 10-21-2006, 04:07 AM   #6
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How else to appropriately reply to an orphaned thread?
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Old 10-21-2006, 06:54 AM   #7
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Default Some empirical data...perphaps...

Some time ago, MissAF began a Frappr map for BHM and FFA's and there has never been a whole lot of response to it, but out of 28 folks (one of the listings is a city!) 2 are women on my counting...I think the interesting thing is that there is really a long distance between most people, which pretty much killed the idea of ever having any kind of national event. There are a few stranded folks across the waves who are even more isolated..so, it is very difficult to say, but it appears that either the FFA population is very very very very very very small in number, or else extremely reticent about self-identification as a whole. I periodically call for folks to put themselves even anonymously on the map, so this is yet another of them calls!

http://www.frappr.com/bhmffa
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Old 10-21-2006, 10:55 AM   #8
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I'm a happily married FFA. I know of a few others in my group of close friends that are also happily married. But you know, since you made that map and I put myself on it, I was thinking about the fact that I'm not very vocal about my preferences. I feel I don't really need to since I already have what I want. Perhaps other women feel the same way. Maybe I should say more, and more often because guys need to know that others find them attractive at any size, whether we're available or not - as long as there are no mixed messages.

Your thoughts?
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Old 10-21-2006, 05:20 PM   #9
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I wouldn't say I'm closeted, but since I'm happily involved, I don't need to broadcast my desires. *shrug*

As a rule, I don't tend to be "out there" about my preferences (sexual or otherwise), anyway. I'm not saying this is true of all women, mind, but there are those of us who're just naturally more reserved.
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Old 10-21-2006, 10:39 PM   #10
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I'd have to say that I'm pretty darn vocal about what I want. I'm just only 22 and most of the men on this site seem to be significantly far away/older than me. I'm in NJ and between BHMs right now.
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Old 10-21-2006, 11:29 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gal4FatGuys
I'd have to say that I'm pretty darn vocal about what I want. I'm just only 22 and most of the men on this site seem to be significantly far away/older than me. I'm in NJ and between BHMs right now.
I'm in Texas, on the other hand, and have been between women for so long, becoming a monk would only require a wardrobe change.

It's only logical, really; there's a "growing" supply of BHMs out there, and only so many FFAs. By definition, that means a lot of large and lonely loverboys wishing they could find someone in their ZIP code.
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Old 10-22-2006, 05:10 AM   #12
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Default Nonsense.

Sorry, but I have to take some issue with that.

First off, being big doesn't limit you to only FFA's. It might if that is your preference, but there are women who will date you just because they find you appealing or "ususally don't go for big men but _____ is just really great" or who don't really care about size when choosing a date. The flip side of this is many FFA's [myself inclduded] have been attracted to and dated skinny men just because of their great personalities, sex appeal, common interests, chemistry, etc. Size is just one part of it, and sometimes it doesn't matter at all.

You assume the only woman who would want to do date you would have to be an FFA. This speaks like you think you have nothing else to offer beyond an appeal to somebody's fetish or preference.

Lastly, and this will be no doubt the millionth time this has been said, even FFA's look for more than just a body type. Unless you're just looking for a fetish partner, you are going to be interested in other facets of the man's appearance, job, interests, sense of humor, chemistry with you, etc. I, and other FFA's don't just say "All I care about is if a guy has a good handful of backfat."
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Old 10-22-2006, 06:21 AM   #13
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Hi LoveBHMS

I think in this area BHMs have it harder than BBWs

Guys will straight out tell a BBW they are not attracted to her or if they are sick minded will do that "hogging stuff"

I have have known women who were attracted to my personality and not my body and most often I got stuck in their "very close male friend" category.

William


Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBHMS
Sorry, but I have to take some issue with that.

First off, being big doesn't limit you to only FFA's. It might if that is your preference, but there are women who will date you just because they find you appealing or "ususally don't go for big men but _____ is just really great" or who don't really care about size when choosing a date. The flip side of this is many FFA's [myself inclduded] have been attracted to and dated skinny men just because of their great personalities, sex appeal, common interests, chemistry, etc. Size is just one part of it, and sometimes it doesn't matter at all.

You assume the only woman who would want to do date you would have to be an FFA. This speaks like you think you have nothing else to offer beyond an appeal to somebody's fetish or preference.

Lastly, and this will be no doubt the millionth time this has been said, even FFA's look for more than just a body type. Unless you're just looking for a fetish partner, you are going to be interested in other facets of the man's appearance, job, interests, sense of humor, chemistry with you, etc. I, and other FFA's don't just say "All I care about is if a guy has a good handful of backfat."
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Old 10-22-2006, 03:19 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by William
Hi LoveBHMS

I think in this area BHMs have it harder than BBWs

Guys will straight out tell a BBW they are not attracted to her or if they are sick minded will do that "hogging stuff"

I have have known women who were attracted to my personality and not my body and most often I got stuck in their "very close male friend" category.

William
Can I get an "Amen!"?

It's not that I don't have anything else to offer; I'm smart and funny, and I love to pamper and spoil a woman as much as she'll let me. I enjoy close physical contact (of oh-so-many kinds), and have a native talent for massage. I have lots to offer.

Problem is, gentlemen tend to lose out a lot. Most women are looking for an aggressive, take-charge kind of guy, not one that rubs their feet, cooks dinner, and asks them how their day went. Heck, my first girlfriend left me for someone less mature... her words, not mine. Act nice around a woman, and you wind up as one of her friends; not a boyfriend.

I figure, at least with an FFA, some level of physical attraction should be there from the start. It may or may not lead to something lasting, but at least there'd be something there.

Yours truly,

The 250-pound,

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Old 10-22-2006, 03:54 PM   #15
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Default oh good, lets just be friends...

ouch! that hurts just imagining it.

LovesBhm, so do you routinely break hearts pretending to be a ffa?

I agree with most of what you say, but you fail to recognize that there is something special usually that goes on between a ffa and a bhm - perhaps I am thinking more about a feeder / feedee relationship, and that is probably really, really, really rare to find.



oh well...

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Old 10-22-2006, 04:15 PM   #16
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I think you have to get into a woman’s psyche to understand this. Woman are not the aggressors, and therefore we have lower libidos. I read somewhere that women’s libido’s ask “why” whereas men’s ask “why not”? Women are just not as interested in looking at porn, or in going around online or in RL and talking about what they find attractive. In other words, they ask “why” should I? They don’t see the point. Whereas men just do it naturally. The only reason I fully realized I was an FFA is because my husband was hounding me to discover my “fetishes”, because he was convinced it would raise my libido to his level. News flash – women, in general, have lower libidos. Why do you think “honey, I have a headache” is such a well-known cop-out? We just aren’t as interested in thinking about, talking about, and writing in forums about our sexual preferences as men are.

But if you want evidence of FFAs, look as all the couples with very healthy sex lives where the man is a BHM. And there are a lot. And I would bet that there are just as many – or more – lonely skinny guys as there are lonely fat guys, the only difference is BHMs have their weight to blame whereas the thin guys find something else. In fact, from my experience more women prefer big men to thin men, and if you think about evolution that just makes sense. But we’re not gonna just come out and say it, so I think you guys just have to accept that - and start noticing the implied attraction rather than the outright "dude, you're sexy!"
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Old 10-22-2006, 07:40 PM   #17
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Problem is, gentlemen tend to lose out a lot. Most women are looking for an aggressive, take-charge kind of guy, not one that rubs their feet, cooks dinner, and asks them how their day went.
Yours truly,

The 250-pound,

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Where were you 8 years ago before I got married?Sounds like heaven to me
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Old 10-22-2006, 08:39 PM   #18
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Default I think several things are going on in this thread...

First off, the simple answer to the original question: "Are there any FFAs?" would be "Yes." There certainly are not too many, but self-identifying women who do not mind telling others about their preference and who are attracted to fat men for a variety of reasons are out there...just hard to find. Now, FFA-ness is certainly not just about physical attraction and many women who do not necessarily self-identify as being attracted to fat men are in relationships with fat men because of personality, spirituality, intellectuality, common interests, companionship or other factors. This may include men who may have started out as thinner men, but who grew fat with time and their partners just shrugged it away while not really liking the situation.

The other question being discussed here is: Is it easy or even possible for fat men to form social relationships, romantic relationships, sexual relationships or to enter or to stay in marriages? The answer to that is much more complex but I think William has some point in the idea that both fat men and fat women...let us just say fat people, in general, have a harder time with finding relationships than most thinner people and fat men do not generally have it easy at all. There is definite prejudice against fatness in our culture and if that weren't the case, then we would be able to disband NAAFA tomorrow and shut down Dimensions except for the Food Board. It is also much easier for younger fat folk to find relationships than if age is a factor. That puts some folks, like me, in the community, into no small amount of uphill battle to even get a simple date.

The question of the whole gaining-feeding issue with fat men is highly complex and there is no clearcut answer there either...there is some slight sense of more support in the gay, trans and bi-sexual communities, although it is by no means staggering in its' perfection...just more visible. SM/BD is mixed, mostly fat-phobic. Dimensions is not at all the best place to find a contact there...Hungry Feedee and Fantasy Feeder are better, although it is slower than molasses around both...In my experience, I haven't even heard of anyone in a real feeding relationship in years.

So, there are several questions and several complex answers. I think in general, this is an issue that keeps coming up again and again with not very much actual resolution...I don't think it can be resolved until the size-acceptance part is really a part of our culture. Hence, I am re-joining NAAFA, much to their horror! Ahem.
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Old 10-22-2006, 08:56 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steely
Where were you 8 years ago before I got married?Sounds like heaven to me
<laugh> Eight years ago, Steely, I was right here in Texas; only difference was, I was 28 and still living with my mother. Well, and I weighed less than 200 pounds at the time, though not by much.

That's my biggest problem; there doesn't seem to be a single person (in the sense of counting) anywhere in the world that can answer even basic questions about "How to get a date". So I flounder around, asking women that are clever, and funny, and sweet, and intelligent, if they want to go out with me.

The usual answer? "Sorry, I'm married".

"Sorry, I'm engaged."

"Sorry, I already have a boyfriend."

It's gotten so bad, I now have a stock anwser: "Darn it, too late again."

Yours truly,

The always-the-best-man,

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Old 10-23-2006, 05:16 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wanderer
Can I get an "Amen!"?

It's not that I don't have anything else to offer; I'm smart and funny, and I love to pamper and spoil a woman as much as she'll let me. I enjoy close physical contact (of oh-so-many kinds), and have a native talent for massage. I have lots to offer.

Problem is, gentlemen tend to lose out a lot. Most women are looking for an aggressive, take-charge kind of guy, not one that rubs their feet, cooks dinner, and asks them how their day went. Heck, my first girlfriend left me for someone less mature... her words, not mine. Act nice around a woman, and you wind up as one of her friends; not a boyfriend.
How about a good combination of both? I love a man who pampers me but too many times those same guys really are just TOO nice.

My off and on boyfriend/best friend of 7 yrs now (off and on only because we both like our single time every so often, not because we don't get along great, because we do)....he is sooooo good to me that I don't think most people would really believe it. He cooks for me, rubs my feet, wines and dines me, takes me on trips, speaks to me in only the sweetest most respectful way, kisses me all over, heck even takes me shopping . However as super duper sweet as he is to me, in everyday life he is a take charge kinda guy. He is willing to do just about anything under the sun for me, but boy does he know how to say NO when he wants to and mean it.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying every nice guy out there is a pushover, but in my experiences most are. It just is not a turn on to most women to feel that you could probably walk all over a man and get away with it. Even if you don't do that to them, just knowing you could is not a good thing to most women I know. (There are the rare few that like it and usually treat nice men like total shit).

BTW, he was a BHM when I met him and for about 4 yrs afterwards. He dropped about 80 lbs a few yrs back and is slim and trim now. I preferred him the way he was but he is happy at his current size. I care enough about him that I accept him either way.
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Old 10-23-2006, 05:23 AM   #21
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If I like men of all sizes do I still count? For me it really is about what kinda guy he is, rather than what size. I have been with men as slim as 125lbs and as heavy as 500lbs.

I also find alot BBW to be very sexy (not bi really, just more curious)...but I do love the fat female form and find oh so many things about it attractive. However just like the way I view men, it's not all about size and I do find women of various sizes attractive.

Either way I think of myself as a FFA, so I guess that is all that really matters.
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Old 10-23-2006, 05:33 AM   #22
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Hi

I think that one of the problems with this thread that some people are assuming that FFAs are the same as FAs. I think that your average FFA is a lot more mid-stream than FAs.

Maybe I should just say that I look for more in a women than being attracted to me despite of my fat. I would hope that she would like my body.

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Old 10-23-2006, 09:57 AM   #23
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I can personally attest for one proclaimed FFA in this thread that she is real.I've talked to her about it and she's a wonderful girl!
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Old 10-23-2006, 11:41 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DebbieBBW
How about a good combination of both? I love a man who pampers me but too many times those same guys really are just TOO nice.
<chuckle> If my mother were still around, she'd tell you I'm not that nice. I have my sticking points, same as anyone else; those conversational topics (much less ethical constraints) beyond which I will not go.

Problem is, a woman would have to actually, you know, spend time with me in order to find that out. Given that the usual response to a Nice Guy is either running the other way as fast as socially acceptable, or else placing him in the Friend category ("Let's be friends. That's a woman's way of saying, 'You are never gonna see me naked'."), however, it's unlikely I'll ever get to prove it.

Yours truly,

The lonesome,

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Old 10-23-2006, 01:41 PM   #25
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