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Old 11-24-2006, 08:27 PM   #1
Jon Blaze
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Default The perfect girl/guy (On a mental level)

What about personality and intelligence? What attributes appeal to you there?


Empathy, Loyalty, Genuiness, pride, respect, love, and an at least somewhat open mind... Qualities I strive to keep that I like in potential lovers.

I like people that are wild (Or that can be crazy at sometimes like me )

Intelligence- I'm not asking for a genius (Although I think that is cute), but I would like it if me and my partner could talk about things. There are many subjects in college I like to talk about. I like current events and many other subjects too. Nothing like a good conversation...
What about you?
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Old 11-24-2006, 08:52 PM   #2
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The reason I didnt ask this is its pretty hard to quantify what a good personality is I like kind girls with a sense of humour who like my sense of humour... one would say I tend to go for girls that mother me... The problem with mapping out the perfect girl mentally is that is almost impossible... we all fantasise physically but do we ever fantasise mentally? Im not knocking your post far from it its a great post but is it possible to say whos the perfect partner mentally? we can give a list of qualities but its the individual we meet at work or in the pub that captivates us and it can be quite hard to exactly pin pioint what it is that captivates us.
Its a connection I guess that I cant say that would attraxct me to a girl mentaly which explains this rambling post.
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Old 11-24-2006, 09:01 PM   #3
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Considerate, compulsive (but not obsessive-compulsive with addictions- jeez im so sick of those ), whip smart and quick, problem solver, creative on some level, cares about the world around him, like-minded about politics, appreciative, funny/witty, as strong-willed as I am (god I hate them wimpy), easy-going, sensitive, knows when to quit or back the hell up

Gee, I dont ask for much.....
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Old 11-24-2006, 09:11 PM   #4
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Well, I know I fantasize mentally as well as physically. I doubt it's that rare. I believe the real question is will women be less offended if they aren't up to your mental standards than they'd be about not meeting your physical ones
When given the opportunity I dream of meeting a girl who's confident, intelligent enough for polite conversation; honest, sympathetic, and trusting with some similar interests, maybe a belief or two in common, and the capacity to put up with me. There are also a few important things I hope to avoid such as: an insatiable nagging desire for affirmation, an obsession with appearances that manifests itself as an attack on my wardrobe, and an inability to tell when I'm being serious. Of course, like any set of standards they're pretty flexible (probably in direct proportion to the subject's cuteness. )
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Old 11-24-2006, 10:51 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by metalheadFA
The reason I didnt ask this is its pretty hard to quantify what a good personality is I like kind girls with a sense of humour who like my sense of humour... one would say I tend to go for girls that mother me... The problem with mapping out the perfect girl mentally is that is almost impossible... we all fantasise physically but do we ever fantasise mentally? Im not knocking your post far from it its a great post but is it possible to say whos the perfect partner mentally? we can give a list of qualities but its the individual we meet at work or in the pub that captivates us and it can be quite hard to exactly pin pioint what it is that captivates us.
Its a connection I guess that I cant say that would attraxct me to a girl mentaly which explains this rambling post.
I was actually going to change the title of the post, because of that same fact. I don't think you can truly fantasize as being perfect mentally. I think this post is more aligned to qualities you like, and not your ultimate fantasy on a mental level (If anyone could actually do that). The only reason I didn't is because I wanted to directly tie it your post. A bad idea on my part.

Besides.... The ultimate lovers have a blend of looks and personality in my eyes. I can deal with someone I don't find attractive that has a personality I approve of, but I really can't date someone that I find incredibly attractive that I can't get along with.
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Old 11-24-2006, 11:06 PM   #6
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Mainly I connect with nerdyness. Somebody who gets my MST3K quotes and has also watched every episode of farscape. Somebody to whom I can describe an idea for a DND monster or a fantasy-horror novel without being stared at as if I'm insane. I also have to admit, I like somebody who likes to listen to me, somebody who's eager to hear my ideas because I tend to rattle them off a lot.

I'm not sure if this is mental or physical, but I'm attracted to a good appetite, and a certain "fatitude", a finely distilled mixture of sensuousness, calculated lazyness in a taunting way, and measured gluttony. I like a girl who can really lounge, and a talent for belching noisily is a big plus too.
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Old 11-24-2006, 11:20 PM   #7
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Lots of confidence, a good memory, left-leaning, spontaneous, well read or at least able to pretend to be, smarter than I am....well versed in goofy things like: Blazing Saddles, Celebrity Cheeses, Board games, etc etc etc
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Old 11-25-2006, 01:14 AM   #8
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Default It's simple

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jon Blaze
What about personality and intelligence? What attributes appeal to you there?
I want her to have all of my ex-wife's good qualities and none of her bad ones.


That would be intelligence, honesty, humor, works at communicating, tolerant, positive attitude, financially conservative, politically liberal, non-christian, on the messy side.
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Old 11-25-2006, 01:35 AM   #9
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Perfection only exists fleetingly, in moments, otherwise it wouldn't be perfection. But there are a few attributes I like, and a couple I requre, in a man I'm in a relationship with.

Honesty, a great sense of humor, monogamous, enjoys music, art and movies as much as I. He is creative, talented and proficient at something to the point where it turns me on (I'm weird that way). He is articulate, smart (both book smart and wise), compassionate, generous of spirit, ethical, caring, doesn't litter, is communicative and is willing to talk things out to resolution if there is a disagreement. He wants me to be happy and is willing to be a part of making that happen (and of course the feeling is very mutual). It is a plus if he is a sensualist, as I am. He also likes to nurture, snuggle, neck for hours, and will read me French or Spanish poetry. He has faith.

He is creative sexually, and he is aware that no one knows my body like I do, and while inventiveness is very cool and I like that, there are also some things he might want to pay attention to that I can show him about how to please me. And I want to know those things about him, too. Further, given that the most effective and responsive sexual organ is the brain, I would hope he would spend time thinking about how he could turn me on, even when we're not together. Even little things that I might see or read that will flip my switch, and make me smile. Foreplay should never end, even when it's very subtle foreplay, and without playing deceitful games or tricking a person, it's nice to know that even from afar he might be thinking of, and working on, ways to put me in the zone. Just as I want to do for him.

I don't ask for much, eh?
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Old 11-25-2006, 12:07 PM   #10
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I have to echo a lot of people on this board on the score of nerdiness. I love nerds and dorks but not so nerdy or dorky that they can't take care of themselves or are debilitatingly socially awkward (you know the types). I like independent, adventuresome, smart, creative (on many levels) and down to earth people. I like to think that the both of us are improving ourselves and growing by being in each other's lives.
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Old 11-25-2006, 04:07 PM   #11
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Intelligence. Like genius-level, devastatingly brilliant intelligence. A guy that can prove my argument wrong beyond a shadow of a doubt? Oh, I'll melt.

Wit. Gotta have a quick comeback and smartass remark for just about everything.

Geekiness. Must know at least three of the following: Princess Bride, Monty Python, video games, computer stuff, scifi/fantasy books, role-playing games.

Humor. Ideally dry, dark, & sarcastic.

Caring.

Ambition.

Creativity.

Responsibility.

That covers the most important things, I think.
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Old 11-26-2006, 04:33 AM   #12
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In my opinion the three items that make a female truly attractive is intelligence, class & style. Intelligence as in being able to have long drawn out conversations about everything & anything. From films to classical poetry to human behavior to brieft stories concerning life experiences. Intelligence as in being able to laugh about mistakes and not to be to critical about themselves. As for class, simply treating people the way you would like to be treated, always being truthful and not playing mind games. Remembering what matters most of all is the size of a person heart and the strength of their courage. Having the integrity to realize, what's popular might not always be right and what's right might not always be popular. Lastly style, which to me means, among other things, always putting a smile on another's face rather than sorrow in their heart. Matt
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Old 11-26-2006, 05:43 AM   #13
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Attractive inner qualities in a man -

1) Confidence

2) Confidence

3) Um, confidence

4) Faith

5) Intelligence

6) Sense of humor*

7) Laid-backness (real word?)


* Very easy to make me laugh.. finding me funny is what counts
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Old 11-26-2006, 06:10 AM   #14
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Passionate about something, anything I just don't care as long as he is.
Funny and well educated.
Not anti-drugs, infact I'd rather him have some experience or at least want to expand his mind a little.
Loves music and film.
Stands up to me and puts me in my place.
Someone who can argue.
Forgiving for my fuck ups.
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Old 11-26-2006, 08:04 AM   #15
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Intelligence and wit are paramount. I need someone who can at least keep up with me, if not completely surpass me.

Patience, tenderness, passion... Affection is so important. A little bit goes a long way. Then again, once you have a little bit you always want more.

I also need a person who is open minded and accepting of other people. Someone conservative just isn't going to click with me.

A great sense of humor... What is the point of even being with someone if you can't have fun with them?
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Old 11-26-2006, 08:55 AM   #16
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I don't demand intelligence, just someone who is willing to explore and question everything. Someone who can come up with a hundred theories on something but is still open to more. Someone who isn't afraid to debate, who'll enjoy light hearted debates, who will go off on elaborate tangents about some imaginary being, imagination and curiousity are vital. As is an independent nature. As much as I love someone I still need my space, I don't do well in relationships where whenever the other person is present we're practically glued together. Someone who can pop out their own brand of sarcasm/humour, without it being a regurgitated Jimmy Carr act.

Actually I haven't a clue. I've not really thought about it much XD
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Old 11-26-2006, 12:00 PM   #17
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Big zombie movie fan
Have an off kilter taste in music, not nessecarily heavy metal as there is plenty of comercialisation there, into more unique music.
Enjoys video games
An inquisitive inteligence I really couldnt deal with ignorance.
Can hold there own in an argument without getting upset.
A quite confidence and self belief.
Can deal with my depressive states.
Very compasionate (It compliments my occasional Nihilism)
most importantly easy to talk too!
Doesnt want to spend there whole life in a rut and willing to just upsticks at a moments notice.

Quote:
I was actually going to change the title of the post, because of that same fact. I don't think you can truly fantasize as being perfect mentally. I think this post is more aligned to qualities you like, and not your ultimate fantasy on a mental level (If anyone could actually do that). The only reason I didn't is because I wanted to directly tie it your post. A bad idea on my part.
Sorry dude I hope I didnt sound snappy this thread compliments the one I started perfectly and is undoubtably the most important side of a person... I myself could have in my eyes the ideal beauty but if she offers nothing as a person it could not work (Kinda been there done it in my teens).

Its a good thing theres alot of nerd loving here
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Old 11-26-2006, 04:27 PM   #18
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Authenticity, Integrity, Independence, Compassion are all "must haves". Obstinant, Unpredictable, Contrarian and/or Hedonist are a just welcome bonuses.
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Old 11-26-2006, 05:41 PM   #19
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Default A bit of all this but not in any specific order

Emotionally Intelligent

Intellectually Intelligent

Well Balanced

Funny, Funny, Funny

Mature but also playful

Trustworthy

Sensitive and soft inside but firm enough on the outside to be a man

Spiritual

Connected with his family and friends

Passionate

Economically responsible

Confident

A good communicator

Socially and Morally responsible

Sexual but not promiscuous...meaning...tending to prefer monogamy

Curious about life and the world....

but also someone who likes the comforts of home.
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Old 11-27-2006, 03:27 PM   #20
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Default My list

I think it is important to be clear between things you associate with the type of person that you’ve been attracted to in the past, and the things that are actually attractive in and of themselves. The example I often use with physical characteristics is that at one point I thought I was attracted to short gals, but they I realized that what was actually going on was me being attracted to gals with good posture, and more short gals had good posture (trying to stand up as straight and tall as possible), while many tall gals stooped (trying to look shorter). There have been a few women over the years who enthralled me almost purely on a mental level. It would be easy to describe what they were like and say that is my ideal, but I think that would be wrong. On the other hand I’ve been with my wife for quite some time now, I know well which characteristics continue to interest me—both those she has in abundance and the ones that I see only in much appreciated flashes. Therefore I think the list below is pretty accurate for me, but at the same time I’d say a lot of it is kind of indirect, things that are not directly measurable.

So my list includes the following, not necessarily in this order, and recognizing that some of these tend to go in opposite directions. An active mind that is looking for new things to wrap itself around. A sense of whimsy and goofiness. The ability to laugh at herself and at the world—and at me! Pride in what she does and who she is, with a decent dash of vanity added for flavour. Tolerant of others, and more interested in why and how they differ than why and how they are right or wrong. Self-sufficient but eager to share burdens and joys. Willing to pursue sensuality. More interested in the journey than the destination. Can enjoy things for their own sake. Intuitive. Empathetic. Willing to challenge me if she thinks I’m wrong and willing to be challenged when I think she’s wrong.

Well, there are more, but I can’ recall them right now. But one last one that is probably more important than any of the others: Willing to put effort and commitment into a relationship.

Regards;

-Ed
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Old 11-27-2006, 03:30 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xeeb
I don't demand intelligence, just someone who is willing to explore and question everything.
Well said! I like intelligence, but it is that sort of active mind that is more interesting than raw intelligence, at least for me!

-Ed
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Old 11-27-2006, 03:31 PM   #22
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suprise me.
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Old 11-27-2006, 05:16 PM   #23
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One thing that I really believe I've undervalued in the past in potential mates is basic empathy, and kindness. I mean, they've always been on my "list", but more as kind of a given, and I think I need to make them my priority - ahead, even, of intelligence, which has always been #1 (well, tied with humor). I tend to become involved with men with pain in their past that has made them just a little bit hard, a little bit cold, and that never ends well.

So yeah. Empathy and kindness: the new black.
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Old 11-27-2006, 05:50 PM   #24
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Default Oh yeah, Carrie.

Sometimes when I meet a guy I want to say, "Ok, now. I am meeting you right now. Please think of all the terrible stuff that has happened to you in your lifetime. [pause] I didn't do any of it. I'm not going to suffer for it, pay for it, compensate for it by treating you like a deity or allow you to mistreat me because of what some other woman did to you. Please check your emotional baggage at the gate. Thank you."

My mental traits: Honesty, Basic Good Manners, [meaning no head games and no making me feel unreasonable for expecting you to call when you say you will] Sense of humor, brains, ambition, passion about something or things. Straightforward.
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Old 11-27-2006, 05:54 PM   #25
Green Eyed Fairy
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBHMS
Sometimes when I meet a guy I want to say, "Ok, now. I am meeting you right now. Please think of all the terrible stuff that has happened to you in your lifetime. [pause] I didn't do any of it. I'm not going to suffer for it, pay for it, compensate for it by treating you like a deity or allow you to mistreat me because of what some other woman did to you. Please check your emotional baggage at the gate. Thank you."

I have to scream another AMEN from the back pew.... same things for us ladies, too. We have to clear our hearts and minds when meeting someone new.
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