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Old 12-29-2006, 05:44 PM   #1
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Default No more counting

I'm not a very big girl, but I'm no means small either. I am about around 190, and wear a size 18-20 depending on the brand, and large-xl shirts. The heaviest I've ever been was 15lbs shy of 300 at 285 when I was 17, and wore a size 28. I carried most of that weight in my belly.

At that time, I went to the doctor on the pressure of my mother to see about losing some of that weight, and was put on these pills. I lost the weight, and continued to shed it even after I was off them only because I watched what I ate, and counted calories.

At 18, I went to work at my current employer Chick-Fil-A, at 175lbs and a dress size 16. Over the course of two years, I gained back 25lbs and another dress size. At the time, I freaked, and so I cut back eating the free meals at break there, and started brown bagging a lunch from home. I lost a little weight.

Then in the last six months, I fell into a depression after breaking up with a very best friend, and dropped quite a bit of weight as I had no will to eat. I finally came out of the depression, and started eating normally again, but still counting calories.

It's always a uphill battle, and I'm tired of it. I worry and fuss about eating a piece of cake, or a couple of cookies. I love candy, chocolate, and sweets, and that's always been the hardest part of cutting back. I want to eat what I want, and not worry about counting calories.

So today, that's exactly what I decided to do. No more counting and watching. I will eat a normal meal, but without any regard as to how much calories I have consumed. If I am destined to be a big girl, then I will accept it. I don't know if I'll ever be close to 300 again, but perhaps I'll shoot somewhere around 250.

I've wasted no time either. I've been eating candy and drank a milkshake with a full combo meal. I've not been stuffed, but full most of the day, and I'm happy, and it feels good. I think I've missed having a big belly, and I hope that's where most of it goes.

2007 is the year of the pig, so as a Pig, I intend to make the best of it. That is my New Year's resolution. Bon Appetite. *goes off to make her a big bowl of ice cream*
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Old 12-29-2006, 05:55 PM   #2
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Well I am glad you've decided to 'stop counting'. It is always such a pain in the butt to count numbers than it is to please your taste buds and impulses. Which, of course, can certainly give you back a few pounds, or more... But that's what is great about this place is that, not only are you welcome to do it, but you will not get any gripe at all for being who you are in this manner. There is nothing wrong at all with counting calories, nor is there anything wrong with ignoring how many calories you consume.

There's more freedom in a life of pleasure than there is in a life of restrictions. *shrugs*
Good luck to you and your happiness!
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Old 12-29-2006, 07:06 PM   #3
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Congratulations! Whatever else happens, your life will be less frazzled from now on. And I suspect your weight will stabilize fairly quickly to somewhere near where it is now. Ever since my teens, I fought my weight -- and the weight won. I gained a pound or two every year, dieted frantically, lost five pounds, and gained back six. After thirty years of this I realized diets don't work (duh!) and determined to eat moderately, exercise regularly, and avoid stress as much as possible. Since then my weight goes up or down a few pounds, but mainly stays stable. Yours probably will, too, but your serenity will go up, and up, and up!
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Old 12-30-2006, 05:07 PM   #4
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We really ought to trust ourselves more with food. That battle of deprivation and satiation doesn't need to be a battle, does it? A good choice, I think, Mystic. I'm proud of and positively influenced by your post. Thanks.
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Old 12-31-2006, 07:13 AM   #5
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Most people are afraid to stop dieting, out of a fear of ballooning up.

Even if we are eating normally, if we add pounds we would assume that we are overeating rather than think that our bodies are going to a natural weight.

Then again, most people don't want to believe that their natural weight is higher than what they want it to be!

Anyway, congratulations on the taking that next step towards acceptance.
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Old 12-31-2006, 12:41 PM   #6
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Thanks. ^^

I'm certainly making up for lost time. With Christmas, and then in the last three days, I've eaten close to 3,000 calories each of those days. The bags of candy, cake, ice cream, and milkshake. It's really starting to show too. My tummy is definitely rounder, and a nice roll bulges over my waistband when I sit. An outfit that I'm wearing that fit me less than a week ago is now snug.

I'm enjoying it, but I just hope that my mother keeps her comments to herself, and doesn't make me feel like a pig. She's always been the most critical of my weight through my life with teasing and taunting more than my peers at school did. She's about mid-size, a little smaller than me, but she's obsessed with dieting and exercising. She gets on her little step machine every night, and works out for half an hour. And if I bring home any candy, like I have been the last few days, she's said "Keep it away from me." Yet, she can eat it just as much as I have been, but she ends up feeling guilty, thinking she's gotten too fat, and exercises like a mad woman. And often she'd go after me.

There was a time I was nine when she bought me a tight black leotard, and dragged me outside to exercise while empathsizing how disgusting I looked. That leotard was to try to humilate me being paraded in front of the world to show them my big round belly, and it worked. She would always make me cry. Though, screw her now what she thinks. It's my body, and I can do what I want with it.

It'd be nice if I could find a good boyfriend around my area to love me as I am, and maybe help get me a little bigger. Heh. He must like Ninja Turtles.
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Old 12-31-2006, 02:02 PM   #7
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I am 38 years old and have been on that dieting roller coaster since the age of 13. Puberty hit then and I suddenly went from an undersize child to a plump teen. I have gained as much as 40-50 pounds quickly to dieting and losing down 80 pounds.
During the past two years, I have been on a strange, fantastic journey of self-acceptance. I have a compulsive eating/dieting disorder (with some bulimic tendencies) and have came to realize I have to stop weighing and dieting. I like not driving myself nuts with the worry over food and weight everyday. It is an all-consuming thing- as I gather you know from your post. Due to several life changes and stopping the roller coaster, this is the happiest I have been in my life. It is good and I feel blessed.
My mother, after losing my older sister to cancer, still worries about my weight/health. She tries to push me to go see a doctor for diet pills since she seems convinced this will "fix everything" wrong with me. I declined. The diet pill thing allowed me to lose a grand total of 7 pounds around my 31st year (with much dieting and exercising, too). Apparently my body has found a plateau for my weight that it's comfortable at since I am now over the age of 30. I am sure that I am unable to ever be under the weight of 200 pounds again outside of consuming less than 1000 calories a day. ( I walk/exercise as much as 7+ hours a week and still weigh in the 230 range)No thanks. Self acceptance seemed more realistic and sensible.
I am so happy that you have came to this decision about your life and your body. The journey of self acceptance is a wonderful one.

P.S. I noticed in your other post your calorie counting of what you eat. Personally, I have found calorie counting and weighing drive me nuts- and usually set me off on the binging then dieting cycle again. My father did that humiliation thing to me, too. Don't take it- tell them they are not allowed.
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Old 12-31-2006, 02:09 PM   #8
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than a girl who will just let herself go and eat what she wants! yummy girl growing ahead! awesome! i like that and am very happy for you. happy new year!

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Old 12-31-2006, 02:50 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystic Rain View Post
I'm not a very big girl, but I'm no means small either. I am about around 190, and wear a size 18-20 depending on the brand, and large-xl shirts. The heaviest I've ever been was 15lbs shy of 300 at 285 when I was 17, and wore a size 28. I carried most of that weight in my belly.

At that time, I went to the doctor on the pressure of my mother to see about losing some of that weight, and was put on these pills. I lost the weight, and continued to shed it even after I was off them only because I watched what I ate, and counted calories.

At 18, I went to work at my current employer Chick-Fil-A, at 175lbs and a dress size 16. Over the course of two years, I gained back 25lbs and another dress size. At the time, I freaked, and so I cut back eating the free meals at break there, and started brown bagging a lunch from home. I lost a little weight.

Then in the last six months, I fell into a depression after breaking up with a very best friend, and dropped quite a bit of weight as I had no will to eat. I finally came out of the depression, and started eating normally again, but still counting calories.

It's always a uphill battle, and I'm tired of it. I worry and fuss about eating a piece of cake, or a couple of cookies. I love candy, chocolate, and sweets, and that's always been the hardest part of cutting back. I want to eat what I want, and not worry about counting calories.

So today, that's exactly what I decided to do. No more counting and watching. I will eat a normal meal, but without any regard as to how much calories I have consumed. If I am destined to be a big girl, then I will accept it. I don't know if I'll ever be close to 300 again, but perhaps I'll shoot somewhere around 250.

I've wasted no time either. I've been eating candy and drank a milkshake with a full combo meal. I've not been stuffed, but full most of the day, and I'm happy, and it feels good. I think I've missed having a big belly, and I hope that's where most of it goes.

2007 is the year of the pig, so as a Pig, I intend to make the best of it. That is my New Year's resolution. Bon Appetite. *goes off to make her a big bowl of ice cream*
Excellent - that's the spirit! It's all about being yourself and having sane priorities. And, you know, I'm sure that the belly suited/will suit you very well ;-)
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Old 12-31-2006, 04:24 PM   #10
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Dayumn. o.o

Well, at least the source of your insecurities is easy to spot. It's a shame your mom has to lessen the burden of her weight anxieties by foisting the same on you. =/
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Old 12-31-2006, 06:45 PM   #11
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*sighs happily* I just polished off another whole box of chocolates of almost 1100 calories total, and I don't care. I was disappointed even there weren't anymore. I am stuffed, but it feels soo good.

Mmm... I hope I'm not going overboard.

I'm also doing a little exercise, tummy crunches to build muscle and push ups. I may plan to purchase a bike. Fat doesn't have to mean unfit. I can be fat and fit.
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Old 12-31-2006, 07:16 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystic Rain View Post
I can be fat and fit.
Sure can.

Also, you do not have to put up with anyones patronizing over anything about you, be it your weight from your mom, or your habit of picking your nose from your future husband. It is who you are, and you are only going to be (and should only be) you.
I cannot remember who had said it, but I like the simple act of telling people that my weight is "off limits". Do not talk to me about it, you have no reason to put me to shame over it. Almost everyone knows there are plenty of risks with increased weight... *shrugs*
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Old 01-01-2007, 09:46 AM   #13
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Congrats, girlie. You're saying all the right things. I hope everything works out for the best for you.
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Old 01-01-2007, 10:28 AM   #14
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I'm very happy for you. There is nothing more sexy than a woman that is gaining weight, feels good about it, and shows off a little. I would sure love to buy you the next few boxes of candy, to help you fill out!
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Old 01-01-2007, 12:14 PM   #15
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I'm glad to hear your decision to not only continue stressing over it , but also to continue staying fit as well with casual excericise. I myself am trying to lose weight though, as I'm just not comfortable where I am 'mentally', not physically. I get gripe from my parents as well, now it seems to be more often, but when it came to my peers and friends, I've never had the experience that many fat people have had with bullying.

When I'm in school ( community college ) even though everyone is focused on their work ( most of the time anyway ) I feel as if I'm at a party everyday because we just always have a good time with one another. I forget that I am the size I am. I think more than anything my parents as well as myself have made me feel 'pressured'. After coming home, I basically look to home as being a place where I can relax and calm down, before I head back out to work or somewhere else, but I'm often finding that my parents, especially my father, being over-critical with my weight. One of my brothers, ( whom outweighs me by over 100+lbs) has already moved out because of this.

In any case however I do find that it is hard to diet, no matter what I try, as my mind is fixated on what I'm used to. (ex.: opening the fridge or cabinets for food whenever I walk by whether or not I'm hungry, or just not doing excercise at all. ) I used to be very athletic, training in martial arts but over the course of 3 years gained a ton of weight, lying at about 291lbs currently, whereas I was in the 140lb area before. I usually try to excercise daily, hour walks in the morning, no breakfast, no lunch, excercise another two hours, break, then another hour or so and either no dinner or very meager portions. Usually ends up with me losing about 10, then gaining 13lbs or more. I know what I've been doing is unhealthy, and I've slowly been going at it at a more sensible approach, however often become unmotivated, stop excercising and overeat, procrastinate, and gain more weight. It hasnt been until recently that I started at a more sensible approach, being more open with myself, and avoiding constant conflict with my parents. I feel more at ease being open to a few close friends and family, not concerned about what others feel is 'normal' in society's view. When I see stories such as yours I just cant help but feel motivated to continue accepting myself, choosing healthy decisions, and focused on what ever needs to be done, and I thank you.
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Old 03-13-2007, 08:58 PM   #16
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I have an update for this.

At first, I was a little hesitate, remembering all the old wounds of my past, and I kind of tapered off for a while. Then I recently moved out of my parents' house, and in with a friend to live at her apartment. Suddenly, I had a kitchen at my disposal to bake, I didn't have to worry about being under scrunity of my mother, and that meant I could pretty much eat what I wanted, how much of it I wanted. Plus, my schedule has changed in a lot of ways, especially eating, since I have to babysit my friend's baby at night until she comes home from work. Dinner is a lot later than I've usually had.

I'm buying my own groceries now, and I've been getting doughnuts, candy, cookies, etc. to have around for me and my friend to eat. Also the shakes and ice cream at work. I've just been taking advantage of them. In the last month and a half, I've really packed on the pounds.

*pats her much rounder tummy* I'm nearly at 200lbs now, maybe a little over. My size 18 jeans/pants are very snug, and I'm filling my size 20s where they're not fitting so loose as they once did. When I sit down, I have a very generous belly roll over my waistband.

At times, I've got this love/hate thing going on, but for the most part, I'm enjoying it. I feel like I am being myself again. There's a size 22 pair of jeans I have that I bought accidentally stuck in among size 20 when shopping at a thrift store because they had no tag, and I didn't get to try them on until I got home. I might just fill up those.

*polishes off a bowl of chocolate fudge brownie ice cream*
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Old 03-13-2007, 10:22 PM   #17
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good decision...

what's the deal w/numbers? there's like, too many of them anyway.
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Old 05-23-2007, 04:47 PM   #18
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A progress report of sorts.

I am really picking up the weight, going on at nearly 210. I'm slowly creeping into a size 22, and size 20s are getting a little snug. My appetite is big as ever, and on a good day have eaten three plates of food at the buffet and four different kinds of dessert. I have a nice generous roll over the top of my jeans.

Here is a picture from a little over a month ago. I'd just eaten said three plates and four desserts. And I was still a little hungry too.

Attachment 20342
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Old 05-23-2007, 07:40 PM   #19
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Way to go, Mystic. Constant dieting is no way to live a life. Let your mom do her thing, and you do yours. I am willing to bet you will be happier.

After dieting for several years, I finally threw caution to the winds. I exercise and eat at least 3000 calories a day- and I'm losing weight, oddly enough. It never happened when I dieted and ate 1200 calories, but it's happening now. The body is a strange thing. I think that if we just trust ourselves and eat when we're hungry/stop when we're full, then our weight will settle somewhere that is good. Self acceptance- you're living it- it's awesome!
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Old 05-25-2007, 10:41 PM   #20
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I must've eaten close to 4,000 calories today. I had my usual waffles with sryrup before work this morning, but at work on break, I made myself two chicken and cheese quesdillas, and a small mint cookies&cream shake. Ate every last bit, and I was so stuffed, but it felt good. However, maybe an hour later, I felt I wanted to eat more. I was still hungry.

Didn't have a snack with me to eat, so I didn't get to eat again until about 8ish this evening. I was at a wedding reception then, and there was little finger foods before the main course. I ate a whole bunch of crackers and cheese, and so many of them, I lost count after maybe the third plate.

Then came the dinner, and I loaded up. Three hotdogs, two pieces of garlic toast, and two helpings of chips. I wanted more, but I was getting kind of stuffed, and I wanted to save room for cake. I ate one huge slice there, and took another huge slice home which I promptly ate.

My tummy is so big and round now there's hardly any give to it, but I want to eat something else. I'm still a little hungry. While I'm thinking of wanting to finish off the can of chocolate frosting I almost ate the whole thing of last night, my mind is saying "no!", but my belly is saying "yes, yes!"

Ever since I've declared no more dieting, it's like something snapped in my mind, and now I've become insatiable. I'm wanting to eat constantly, and not lose that tight, but comfortable, stuffed feeling. It's not easy though, and wish I had someone around that could help me with that and get bigger. I would like they'd like to have a relationship with me too.

Oh, and my tummy has won. I'm well on my way to seeing close to 250 not too far in the future. *waddles off to fridge to polish off the can of frosting*
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Old 05-25-2007, 10:57 PM   #21
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I just came across this thread, and I have to say that the thought of you "missing your belly" really made me smile.

Also, on the looking for a boyfriend side of things, with the attitude you have and the gusto with which you seem to be going at this, I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding a guy to help you out. I'm sure there are a zillion volunteers around here.
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Old 05-26-2007, 04:05 PM   #22
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Here is a picture from a little over a month ago. I'd just eaten said three plates and four desserts. And I was still a little hungry too.
What a cute little belly! Congrats on making the decision to stop worrying. I'm a firm believer that the constant stress of thinking about calories is harder on one's health than just eating like it is a normal part of life.

I'm sure Dimensions is the place for you!

brenda
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Old 05-30-2007, 12:06 AM   #23
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well i have a question for you all
My gf doesn't mind being in the 300- 350 range as she is now, but worries what her doctors will say. (she has frequent visits from epilepsy) Especially a certain "special" doctor who a man will never have to visit. I jsut don't know what to tell her. I say that if it bothers her I will help her diet and all that, but that only makes her worry that she won't be sexy for me anymore I try assuring her that she will be sexy to me forever because i am madly inlove with her but she doesn't belive me even though i am speaking a pure truth.
Help me please T-T
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Old 05-30-2007, 09:47 AM   #24
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well i have a question for you all
My gf doesn't mind being in the 300- 350 range as she is now, but worries what her doctors will say. (she has frequent visits from epilepsy) Especially a certain "special" doctor who a man will never have to visit. I jsut don't know what to tell her. I say that if it bothers her I will help her diet and all that, but that only makes her worry that she won't be sexy for me anymore I try assuring her that she will be sexy to me forever because i am madly inlove with her but she doesn't belive me even though i am speaking a pure truth.
Help me please T-T

Perhaps start saying more things about what you love about her personality/ways and how this is what makes you attracted to her and spend less time talking about her body? I'm just guessing here since I don't know either of you......
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Old 05-30-2007, 09:54 AM   #25
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Perhaps start saying more things about what you love about her personality/ways and how this is what makes you attracted to her and spend less time talking about her body? I'm just guessing here since I don't know either of you......
i rarely talk about her body unless we are being intimate or she puts herself down because of her looks, i re assure her of her beauty. i tell her more often already how wonderful she is and how her personality completes mine in that if i have a negative trait she ahas a positive that counter acts it.
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