Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > Weight Board



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 01-12-2007, 11:03 PM   #276
Eclectic_Girl
Rock n Roll Babe
 
Eclectic_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Vermont
Posts: 798
Eclectic_Girl has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Eclectic_Girl has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Eclectic_Girl has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Eclectic_Girl has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Eclectic_Girl has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Eclectic_Girl has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Eclectic_Girl has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Eclectic_Girl has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Eclectic_Girl has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Eclectic_Girl has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Eclectic_Girl has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prime4347 View Post
Now that I've had some diner and calmed down, I should probably clarify a few pieces.

As to why I considered myself closeted, there are two factors, the first of which requires me to apologize. I, and I suspect some of the other "closeted" FA's, occasionally get the feeling that there isn't a middle ground on being out. We get the idea that, if we aren't preaching it on every street corner, then we are traitors to the community. Obviously, this isn't true and I want to apologize to everyone for acting as though it was.

The other reason that I consider myself closeted is that, as Waldo astutely ascertained, I have never had a relationship with a BBW. I would like to point out that this isn't through lack of effort on my part. The simple fact is that the only woman who has ever agreed to a second date with me happened to be fairly slender. I went out with her for her personality, not her looks, and we wound up breaking up over her personality, not her looks.
If having a relationship with a BBW is necessary to be out of the closet, it may be a while, as my incompetence with the opposite sex goes far and beyond any issues about being an FA.

Finally, I wanted to go ahead and agree with most of Wrestlingguy's critque of my post. I have had people question my heterosexuality in the past. I'd also like to point out, though, that every person that I've come out to has, closely there after, asked me if I was sure that I wasn't just gay. The only bit that I'll defend is my hypothetical, where I was describing the imaginary girlfriend as "sexy and brilliant" as opposed to "fat and brilliant." First, as you pointed out, whoever I'm introducing her to could see that for themselves. I feel that it would be a little redundant to mention. I also think that sexy makes a clearer statement of my feelings. After all, I've seen non-FAs dating BBWs who called their girlfriends fat, but certainly not in a complimentary manner. Calling her fat doesn't give my opinion on her weight, but calling her sexy does. I can understand your argument, but I think that either adjective is acceptable (beyond the ridiculous minutiae that I've attacking).

Interesting distinction there, Prime.

I've always associated the closet with shame, not lack of experience. If you know what you like and aren't ashamed of it, even to the point of discussing it with close friends, then I'd say you're not in the closet. Especially since, as you said, you'd tell anyone who asked about your preferences.

I'm behind all the FAs who preach it to the masses, just as I'm behind all the fat folks who are publicly fat-positive. But I don't think that breaking out the megaphone is the only way to support and be part of the community. Some people are not wired to be loud about what they like - doesn't mean they're ashamed, just reserved. It's more important to be yourself and explore what you like than to represent for someone else. If the size acceptance movement requires that we reduce our complex individuality down to braying about a single issue, well, count me out.

And for the record, to my ears "fat and brilliant" sounds unnecessarily defensive. ("Look, she's fat, okay? And that's the way I like it. Wanna make something of it?") Hearing my (also hypothetical) boyfriend say that would make me uncomfortable, because it puts part of what is private (i.e., his specific sexual attraction to me) in the public sphere. It's as if he said, "This is my girlfriend. She has large breasts, which I enjoy fondling."

Context matters, too. Even "sexy and brilliant" can be too much if, say, I'm being introduced to his parents. But if it's casually dropped in idle banter around his good friends? Purrrrrrrrr.....
Eclectic_Girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2007, 07:01 AM   #277
waldo
 
waldo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Indiana, USA
Posts: 349
waldo makes people happy simply by logging inwaldo makes people happy simply by logging inwaldo makes people happy simply by logging inwaldo makes people happy simply by logging inwaldo makes people happy simply by logging inwaldo makes people happy simply by logging inwaldo makes people happy simply by logging inwaldo makes people happy simply by logging inwaldo makes people happy simply by logging inwaldo makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prime4347 View Post
Now that I've had some diner and calmed down, I should probably clarify a few pieces.

As to why I considered myself closeted, there are two factors, the first of which requires me to apologize. I, and I suspect some of the other "closeted" FA's, occasionally get the feeling that there isn't a middle ground on being out. We get the idea that, if we aren't preaching it on every street corner, then we are traitors to the community. Obviously, this isn't true and I want to apologize to everyone for acting as though it was.

The other reason that I consider myself closeted is that, as Waldo astutely ascertained, I have never had a relationship with a BBW. I would like to point out that this isn't through lack of effort on my part. The simple fact is that the only woman who has ever agreed to a second date with me happened to be fairly slender. I went out with her for her personality, not her looks, and we wound up breaking up over her personality, not her looks.
If having a relationship with a BBW is necessary to be out of the closet, it may be a while, as my incompetence with the opposite sex goes far and beyond any issues about being an FA.

Finally, I wanted to go ahead and agree with most of Wrestlingguy's critque of my post. I have had people question my heterosexuality in the past. I'd also like to point out, though, that every person that I've come out to has, closely there after, asked me if I was sure that I wasn't just gay. The only bit that I'll defend is my hypothetical, where I was describing the imaginary girlfriend as "sexy and brilliant" as opposed to "fat and brilliant." First, as you pointed out, whoever I'm introducing her to could see that for themselves. I feel that it would be a little redundant to mention. I also think that sexy makes a clearer statement of my feelings. After all, I've seen non-FAs dating BBWs who called their girlfriends fat, but certainly not in a complimentary manner. Calling her fat doesn't give my opinion on her weight, but calling her sexy does. I can understand your argument, but I think that either adjective is acceptable (beyond the ridiculous minutiae that I've attacking).
This all makes a lot of sense. Your situation is a lot like mine in my younger days. I believe you have set yourself up for an ultimately successful transition to being a 'practicing' FA because you have already diffused the concern over how you are going to tell close friends about your FA orientation. But the longer it goes before you actually get involved with a fat woman, the easier it will be for people to assume you may have moved out of that 'phase'. The situation with having trouble with women wanting to be involved with you could be because the bigger girls more often than not have low self-esteem and may want to push you away before you can dump them (which they may assume is inevitible), or they may sense you are an FA which they may see as too weird to want to deal with - conventional wisdom continues to be that we are sexual deviants. This is where meeting girls through a place like Dimensions is good because the women here obviously are accepting of FAs.

As far as there being no middle ground, I disagree. I have seen guys post here that they do not overtly discuss their FA preference but rather prefer to let their actions (dating a BBW while treating her with respect and kindness) speak for themselves. This approach has been met with overwhelming approval when mentioned here. However, I think it is important to be willing to discuss it as appropriately, like if someone challenges you as to why you are dating that fat chick. You shouldn't just say because of her great personality and/or pretty face. And should be those things plus her sexy voluptuous body.
waldo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2007, 10:44 AM   #278
cactopus
Baconator
 
cactopus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Sydney, NSW Australia
Posts: 496
cactopus does more than just post hot picscactopus does more than just post hot picscactopus does more than just post hot picscactopus does more than just post hot pics
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prime4347 View Post
...Finally, I wanted to go ahead and agree with most of Wrestlingguy's critque of my post. I have had people question my heterosexuality in the past. I'd also like to point out, though, that every person that I've come out to has, closely there after, asked me if I was sure that I wasn't just gay. The only bit that I'll defend is my hypothetical, where I was describing the imaginary girlfriend as "sexy and brilliant" as opposed to "fat and brilliant."......
When I was younger and in high school I was out/de-closeted amongst friends but when I got to college and discovered alt.sex.fat and the community I came out rather "flamboyantly". I guess it was an identity and a new world I could identify with and I embraced it with vim and vinegar. To that end I still have trouble with how people could connect liking large women with male homosexuality. (I had even more problem with this because I have a high voice, like to cook, hate sports, and I'm generally neat). Given those physical points I could understand but the logical person in me would dictate that a closet homosexual would be interested in waifs and man-like women. (for lack of a better description)

But I suppose for the bulk of the morons who wished to insult me in those days thought really didn't go that deep.
__________________
"Remember when people used to kill each other with a sword? Pepperidge Farm remembers."
cactopus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2007, 10:59 AM   #279
LillyBBBW
Wig Snatcher
 
LillyBBBW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 9,794
LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by waldo View Post
<snipped>.....However, I think it is important to be willing to discuss it as appropriately, like if someone challenges you as to why you are dating that fat chick. You shouldn't just say because of her great personality and/or pretty face. And should be those things plus her sexy voluptuous body.
I agree. While I don't think it's necessary for every FA to wear a T-shirt and send out announcements to everyone, there are certain assumptions that could be made if you just mention a wonderful personality and love of dead Russian philosophers when referring to your beloved. People assume that yeah, the chick is fat but her effervescent personality somehow makes up for it - and she probably has talents in the sack. Maybe you don't care enough about what pea brained people think which is fine, but it might not be a comfortable place to be for your girlfriend to be looked at as a charity case. You might not necessarily have to swing a towel over your head and say, "I like 'em thick and juicy," but you could say something subtle like, "I think she's perfect just the way she is," and leave it at that.

EDIT: By the way, thanks for speaking up Prime. I think in our rabid haste to string up the ones that make us all crazy we forget to acknowledge that there are many forms of outness that don't require membership or a photo ID. (though if someone were to make one up I think it would be fun )
__________________
Expecting the world to treat you kindly because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

"...If the only pain you recognize as valid is your own, of course you'll have trouble identifying it when you see it in other people. That's the trouble with narcissism. It makes you really inadequate and boring."

Have you hugged a fat girl today?

@~;~~

Last edited by LillyBBBW; 01-13-2007 at 11:13 AM.
LillyBBBW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2007, 11:04 PM   #280
Big D Guy
One burned out cat!
 
Big D Guy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Dallas
Posts: 27
Big D Guy can now change their title
Default I can't believe I read the whole thing

I only happened on this thread about 3 hours ago and was so intrigued by it that I read all of the quotes. As was mentioned by one poster after about page 5 or so, there were many that I could comment on, but would like to mention these two.

I had to give James rep points for figuring this one out a decade before me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by James View Post
I've gotta admit though, in my experience there's been nothing I could have done to make my exes feel happy with the way they looked.... and I tried... a lot...
But that leads me to ask if MisticalMisty would elaborate on her definition of a "FA hero complex".
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisticalMisty View Post
That's why it's aggravating to hear some men have a FA hero complex. You can't fix a woman that doesn't like her body. Granted, being with you may open her eyes to how desirable she can be, but it's up to her to find herself desirable and to realize that she's deserving of positive attention from the opposite sex.
From my own perspective, I had bigger problems during adolescence than if someone made fun of me for who I dated. I was happy just to have A date so I never developed any problems with admitting my preferences in women.
__________________
"All you can eat" is not an offer...IT IS A CHALLENGE!
Big D Guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2007, 05:33 AM   #281
James
vibeout
 
James's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,710
James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnMarie View Post
Cosmic, I think all James is saying is that being fat alone isn't enough. It's not necessarily about face or body even specifically (although of course that plays a role, we all like certain things) but more about attitude, likes, dislikes, confidence, vibe, style, etc.

You know that "sexy" is something that exudes from people, and I honestly think it's good that James knows that and is willing to look for it as a package thing, not just the outer package alone. He's got the reality thing, I think he's just saying that it's not as easy as seeing a fatty at the supermarket, there has to be more going on.

And although I know you're speaking generally to people here, James isn't someone who doesn't get out and look and try and meet... he's a great guy, super social, friendly, insanely smart, cute as hell, tall as an oak tree, compassionate and caring and he's going to make a sassy fat girl a very happy woman soon enough.

To be clear, I think your points are somewhat valid for sure... there are tons of guys who just woe is me all the time about how there are no fat girls when in fact we are EVERYWHERE... but just saying that in my limited experience, James is a misplaced target for the talk.
look who is sucking up to the prof now eh? You are still in trouble young lady!
James is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2007, 10:54 AM   #282
NancyGirl74
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,997
NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Big D Guy View Post


But that leads me to ask if MisticalMisty would elaborate on her definition of a "FA hero complex".
I don't want to put words in Misty's mouth so forgive me if this is not what she means by "FA hero complex". I think what she is trying to say is that a FA might feel hero-like towards fat women because he finds them attractive when he assumes no one else will. I do not mean all FA's when I say this. However, my ex had a touch of this hero complex. He would say things like, "I love you for you. I don't care that you are fat." or "I love this part of your body. I don't find is disturbing at all." I feel as if he thought he was the only one in the world who would find me attractive and I should be grateful. I know he didn't mean to be backhanded with his compliments but that is how it felt to me. He was proud to take me out and show me off to friends which I loved about him but it was little comments like what I mentioned above that made me cringe inside. So, when Misty mentioned FA hero complex I immediately thought of those situations with my ex. I know he never meant to be hurtful. I'm sure cared for me but I'm equally sure he thought he was doing me a big favor by being my boyfriend...Frankly, it was the other way around (hee hee I kid).
NancyGirl74 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2007, 11:22 AM   #283
cactopus
Baconator
 
cactopus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Sydney, NSW Australia
Posts: 496
cactopus does more than just post hot picscactopus does more than just post hot picscactopus does more than just post hot picscactopus does more than just post hot pics
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NancyGirl74 View Post
I don't want to put words in Misty's mouth so forgive me if this is not what she means by "FA hero complex". I think what she is trying to say is that a FA might feel hero-like towards fat women because he finds them attractive when he assumes no one else will. ....
I prefer the small part which you mentioned later which I tend to do myself. I call it being an anti-closeted FA. I make sure that we are always seen together enjoying ourselves immensely. The comments I make in public aren't size related, however, but are just what any guy and girl should say to one another in public. I'll show affection and complement her as any guy would compliment a non BBW. Most importantly (to get the oomf required) I have to mean it to my core... but I get such joy out of two things... complimenting my mate sincerely and making her feel wonderful about herself and I suppose the other part about rubbing it in the faces of the miserable sods who would say something if I looked like a target (wasn't exuding happy body language).

It's closely related to always wanting the fantasy chance to spy a great looking BBW next to a mainstream attractive woman (who is conveniently bitchy but totally attracted to me) and dissing her for the BBW. Anything to return the favor of putting a nice rolling broadside in their wall of confidence.
__________________
"Remember when people used to kill each other with a sword? Pepperidge Farm remembers."
cactopus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2007, 11:26 AM   #284
MisticalMisty
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 6,362
MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Big D Guy View Post


But that leads me to ask if MisticalMisty would elaborate on her definition of a "FA hero complex".

It's an FA that feels that if he dates a fat girl and shows her how desirable she is to him, that she will somehow become confident in who she is and her body.

Granted, my experience with my first fa led me down that path, but he isn't the one that changed my mind about my body and how I felt about it...I did.
MisticalMisty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2007, 12:25 PM   #285
NancyGirl74
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,997
NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!NancyGirl74 keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MisticalMisty View Post
Granted, my experience with my first fa led me down that path, but he isn't the one that changed my mind about my body and how I felt about it...I did.


Darn it! I swear I've been spreading the rep around but it still won't let me give it to you! Consider yourself repped in spirit.
NancyGirl74 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2007, 03:52 PM   #286
MisticalMisty
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 6,362
MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NancyGirl74 View Post
Darn it! I swear I've been spreading the rep around but it still won't let me give it to you! Consider yourself repped in spirit.
LOL..Nancy just send everyone you know to this post...

Kidding.

Just answering a question..that's all. But thank you nonetheless
MisticalMisty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2007, 05:32 PM   #287
Big D Guy
One burned out cat!
 
Big D Guy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Dallas
Posts: 27
Big D Guy can now change their title
Default Thanks for explaining "FA hero complex" to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MisticalMisty View Post
It's an FA that feels that if he dates a fat girl and shows her how desirable she is to him, that she will somehow become confident in who she is and her body.
After reading nearly 300 posts my brain was quite fuzzy (more than usual). It was sounding to me like we were not supposed to compliment BBW's or tell them that we are attracted to them.
__________________
"All you can eat" is not an offer...IT IS A CHALLENGE!
Big D Guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2007, 11:29 PM   #288
PiscesGirl
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 56
PiscesGirl can now change their title
Default

I'm sooooo glad I don't have a myspace.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T...find out what it means to me...

Fat or thin, no women should put up with such treatment.

If we don't allow this behavior they don't get anywhere, see what I'm saying.
PiscesGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2007, 01:13 AM   #289
Russ2d
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 856
Russ2d carries a lot of weight on this boardRuss2d carries a lot of weight on this boardRuss2d carries a lot of weight on this boardRuss2d carries a lot of weight on this boardRuss2d carries a lot of weight on this board
Default

Quote:
It's an FA that feels that if he dates a fat girl and shows her how desirable she is to him, that she will somehow become confident in who she is and her body.
I know what you're trying to say but the wording is bad here Misty because by this definition we need MORE so-called FA hero complexes out there, much more. Of course FAs instill confidence in fat women- common sense, and a good thing, you're making it sound bad.

Quote:
Granted, my experience with my first fa led me down that path, but he isn't the one that changed my mind about my body and how I felt about it...I did.
Give me a break.. the more I think about it the more I'm with you Big D. I don't know how this thread has morphed from closet FAs into this crap but this is beginning to piss me off.

If you're an FA then you have to learn to be tough and honest because the world views you as a freak. And if you find a fat woman you don't hide her you love her and show her off to the world like a man. And if she doesn't appreciate you and twists your compliments into some sort of self-ego trip then you dump her and find someone who will love you back.
Russ2d is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2007, 07:14 AM   #290
MisticalMisty
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 6,362
MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Russ2d View Post
I know what you're trying to say but the wording is bad here Misty because by this definition we need MORE so-called FA hero complexes out there, much more. Of course FAs instill confidence in fat women- common sense, and a good thing, you're making it sound bad.
No, you don't. There is a reason that it's called SELF esteem and SELF confidence. True confidence can only come from within. So don't think that giving us compliments or dating us automatically makes a fat woman confident, that's not how it works. I'm not making it sound bad, you're just giving men credit for something they have no control over. I will give you that an FA can give a fat girl a different perspective about her body, but no one can make another person confident. That goes for women making men more confident as well.

The last thing we need are men with hero complexes. We just need men to be men....fat girls don't need saving...we just need men that are open about their preference, who aren't ashamed to date us and who will be proud to date us.

You almost make it sound as if fat girls should be grateful that you want to date us..and if that's your intent....that's a sad thing indeed.
MisticalMisty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2007, 08:00 AM   #291
MissToodles
dead peasant
 
MissToodles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: nyc
Posts: 3,208
MissToodles has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!MissToodles has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!MissToodles has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!MissToodles has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!MissToodles has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!MissToodles has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!MissToodles has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!MissToodles has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!MissToodles has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!MissToodles has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!MissToodles has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Someone can shower you with all the compliments in the world, but Misty is correct. Unless you can find the self esteem deep inside of you, all those blandishments won't do a thing. No one can really help fill the gaping void. It's just a band aid for a much bigger problem.
MissToodles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2007, 09:27 AM   #292
wrestlingguy
"Bitter Old Man"
 
wrestlingguy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: NJ
Posts: 2,627
wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MisticalMisty View Post
No, you don't. There is a reason that it's called SELF esteem and SELF confidence. True confidence can only come from within. So don't think that giving us compliments or dating us automatically makes a fat woman confident, that's not how it works. I'm not making it sound bad, you're just giving men credit for something they have no control over. I will give you that an FA can give a fat girl a different perspective about her body, but no one can make another person confident. That goes for women making men more confident as well.

The last thing we need are men with hero complexes. We just need men to be men....fat girls don't need saving...we just need men that are open about their preference, who aren't ashamed to date us and who will be proud to date us.

You almost make it sound as if fat girls should be grateful that you want to date us..and if that's your intent....that's a sad thing indeed.
Well said, Misty. Here's an interesting sidenote that supports your thoughts. When I met my wife, she had yet to retire from paysite modeling. We talked at length about her modeling, and her reasons for doing so. While some of her reasons were economic, one of the things she mentioned was that she like hearing how pretty she was from all the guys. Well, several months later, and about 20,000 e-mails and messages, and those "compliments" had worn thin, as few of them contained any message other than "you have a beautiful body".
What became important to my wife was someone thinking she was a good person. This has nothing to do with beauty. This has to do with self esteem, and your personal values in life. She realized at that point that beauty doesn't validate you. Only YOU can validate you. Now, while I always give my wife compliments, I realize when she's not feeling good about herself, and how that has nothing to do with me. That being said, why should the rest of the world be so different?
I don't get insulted when she downplays my compliments. That may have to do with my own self esteem, which again has nothing to do with looks (no one has tun up to me recently and screamed "hey, it's Brad Pitt!"). My confidence is an extension of me, and my self worth.
I only think that this is so new for so many guys, that I feel that not all of this has been thought out for many of them.
wrestlingguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2007, 09:43 AM   #293
moonvine
Queen of Contempt
 
moonvine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 3,152
moonvine has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!moonvine has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!moonvine has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!moonvine has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!moonvine has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!moonvine has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!moonvine has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!moonvine has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!moonvine has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!moonvine has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!moonvine has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
What became important to my wife was someone thinking she was a good person.
I think this varies from person to person. I know I am a good person, and I often hear I am a good person from others. I like to hear I'm pretty.
__________________
Adoption is a cool way to make your family bigger.
moonvine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2007, 02:27 PM   #294
Green Eyed Fairy
Flash Dancing
 
Green Eyed Fairy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In Your Head
Posts: 18,064
Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MisticalMisty View Post
No, you don't. There is a reason that it's called SELF esteem and SELF confidence. True confidence can only come from within. So don't think that giving us compliments or dating us automatically makes a fat woman confident, that's not how it works. I'm not making it sound bad, you're just giving men credit for something they have no control over. I will give you that an FA can give a fat girl a different perspective about her body, but no one can make another person confident. That goes for women making men more confident as well.

The last thing we need are men with hero complexes. We just need men to be men....fat girls don't need saving...we just need men that are open about their preference, who aren't ashamed to date us and who will be proud to date us.

You almost make it sound as if fat girls should be grateful that you want to date us..and if that's your intent....that's a sad thing indeed.
The problem with hero complexes is that the whole insinuation is that they are doing us some kind of favor to date us- or that's how I view it. A man should date me because he likes me how I am- I don't need any favors.
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


"The longing of my heart is a fairy portrait of myself: I want to be pretty; I want to eliminate facts and fill up the gap with charms."

"See these eyes so green, I can stare for a thousand years, Colder than the moon
It's been so long and I've been putting out fire with gasoline"
Green Eyed Fairy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2007, 02:44 PM   #295
LoveBHMS
default title
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,071
LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default I went throught this with a BHM.

I didn't think of it as a "hero complex", but I did (wrongfully) think that if I could convince him he was good looking, he'd start to feel good about himself.

I eventually realized that it did not matter one bit what I thought of him, it matterd what he thought of himself. Even if he had been convinced that I truly thought he was hot, it did not matter because he was not happy with how he looked. He wasn't waiting for some woman to come along and tell him he was sexy because it didn't matter. His mind wasn't going to change, and even if, at best he'd said "Wow, she really thinks I'm hot" it was not going to translate into "Well, if she thinks I'm hot then I must be, because her opinion is that important. Therefore, I now am happy with my appearance, and that is solely from that attentions of this great chick."

Does not work that way.
__________________
It was all very careless and confused.
LoveBHMS is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2007, 04:00 PM   #296
LillyBBBW
Wig Snatcher
 
LillyBBBW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 9,794
LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Great post LoveBHM. While I know a lot of people who with good reason feel that they induced a change in their sweety's attitude once they helped them realized how sexy they are, they need to understand that it's because they happened to find a winner. It doesn't always work that way.


Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
I didn't think of it as a "hero complex", but I did (wrongfully) think that if I could convince him he was good looking, he'd start to feel good about himself.

I eventually realized that it did not matter one bit what I thought of him, it matterd what he thought of himself. Even if he had been convinced that I truly thought he was hot, it did not matter because he was not happy with how he looked. He wasn't waiting for some woman to come along and tell him he was sexy because it didn't matter. His mind wasn't going to change, and even if, at best he'd said "Wow, she really thinks I'm hot" it was not going to translate into "Well, if she thinks I'm hot then I must be, because her opinion is that important. Therefore, I now am happy with my appearance, and that is solely from that attentions of this great chick."

Does not work that way.
__________________
Expecting the world to treat you kindly because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

"...If the only pain you recognize as valid is your own, of course you'll have trouble identifying it when you see it in other people. That's the trouble with narcissism. It makes you really inadequate and boring."

Have you hugged a fat girl today?

@~;~~
LillyBBBW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2007, 04:46 PM   #297
Dravenhawk
President of Manlandia
 
Dravenhawk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Presidential Pallace of Manlandia
Posts: 319
Dravenhawk has super-sized repDravenhawk has super-sized repDravenhawk has super-sized repDravenhawk has super-sized rep
Default

I have to respond to your letter dear. I am moved here

Here's a little letter:

Dear Fat Admirers (FAs),

Why are you hiding? I know you hold me now, but I’ve never met your friends. You’ve met all of mine--they like you. You’re sweet, affectionate, “into” me. Then, why do you always stay at my house? It’s always my bed, my sheets that you make love to me on. What are you afraid of?

I have no fear. I do not hide. You would be welcomed into my home


Dear FA that pretends I don’t exist when you run into a high school friend at a concert. I have to jab you in the back to give you your ticket. Your friend has to usher your attention towards me. I smile and act playful, as always in denial and constantly forgiving. I’ve still never talked to you about this. I still hold back tears of embarrassment when I think about how quickly you’d pretend you were with someone else.

I do not retreat nor backpeddle. Everyone I am friends with knows I am a FA I have been a FA since jr. highschool. My bbw love would be introduced with pride not shame.

Dear FA that drives an hour to see me but has never invited me to your apartment, do you know how much I hate that I let this go on for a year? I did sleep on your bed once. It was winter break, the house was empty, and it was ok for me to be naked, quaking, walking, being. I didn’t get mad until months later.

My home is your home. SSBBW and BBW welcome anytime ... always

Dear FA that has a ton of fat girls on his profile--be it Myspace or Friendster or whatever. That’s great! You’re out! People know that you like fat girls! Why aren’t any of your real life friends on your profile too? Oh, right, because this is the part of the internet that you are open about being with fat girls--among fat girls. Do you have another one without the fatties?

Sorry love I am a bit behind the times... Never made a myspace page.

What would you do if they found all the messages and lovesick comments you send to your lovely zaftig internet pals? And the real question is: would you laugh at the jokes they made about it and play it cool?

I have been the butt of fat jokes from the FA side of life People I call my friends know that talk that is abusive or hurtful to BBWs is not funny.

Dear FA that wants to fuck fat girls but not date them. I’m constantly sorrowful I didn’t know how to pick you out sooner, and consistently frustrated when you slip by now. You don’t deserve this.

I perfer to get to know you first. Our minds and spirits have to come together first. I am a bit of an old sap friends say but hey the sex has no value if there is no connection other than physical -- boy did I learn that the hard way

Dear FA that talks to me anonymously online and says I’m cocky for not wanting to talk to you. I’m not cocky. I’m fragile and insecure like many. I simply believe in myself a bit more than that. And I’ll never trust a man who doesn’t reveal his true identity, because, again, what are you afraid of?

If you dont want to talk to me that is fine. Whatever you feel comfortable with I have lots of time. I don't talk smack to others it is rude and insensitive.

Dear FA that doesn’t think I’m good enough. Why are you still seeing me? Why do I let you?

You are GOOD and you are ENOUGH and if I were fortunate enough to have a BBW who believes in herself as much as I believe in her, that would give justification to continue seeing such a person.

Dear FA that keeps it on the down low. I promise to get naked and streak your next family gathering, should you not understand that I deserve—no demand, to be at your side next time, not in your wet dreams.

My cherished love would always be at my side, in my heart when it gets tough, and a part of my soul. As for streaking at my next family gathering I would have to shuck my clothes and we could run mad dawg through the house screaming something silly.

Finially in closing I have to sak the question SSBBW who feels no shame about her size Where are you?

Dravenhawk
__________________
Luck is taking a chance when you have a choice.
Destiny is making a choice when given a chance

Will you choose your own path or will you have it chosen for you?

Last edited by Dravenhawk; 09-14-2007 at 04:52 PM. Reason: needed to color my answers
Dravenhawk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2007, 05:09 PM   #298
Gspoon
Spoonah
 
Gspoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: San Diego, California
Posts: 727
Gspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by activistfatgirl View Post
I'm curious if other fat women or BHMs would share if they've had experiences with FAs still in the closet or ashamed of their attraction. I think something just snapped tonight and I'm feeling that raw frustration. Been there?

Here's a little letter:

Dear Fat Admirers (FAs),

Why are you hiding? I know you hold me now, but Iíve never met your friends. Youíve met all of mine--they like you. Youíre sweet, affectionate, ďintoĒ me. Then, why do you always stay at my house? Itís always my bed, my sheets that you make love to me on. What are you afraid of?

Dear FA that pretends I donít exist when you run into a high school friend at a concert. I have to jab you in the back to give you your ticket. Your friend has to usher your attention towards me. I smile and act playful, as always in denial and constantly forgiving. Iíve still never talked to you about this. I still hold back tears of embarrassment when I think about how quickly youíd pretend you were with someone else.

Dear FA that drives an hour to see me but has never invited me to your apartment, do you know how much I hate that I let this go on for a year? I did sleep on your bed once. It was winter break, the house was empty, and it was ok for me to be naked, quaking, walking, being. I didnít get mad until months later.

Dear FA that has a ton of fat girls on his profile--be it Myspace or Friendster or whatever. Thatís great! Youíre out! People know that you like fat girls! Why arenít any of your real life friends on your profile too? Oh, right, because this is the part of the internet that you are open about being with fat girls--among fat girls. Do you have another one without the fatties?

What would you do if they found all the messages and lovesick comments you send to your lovely zaftig internet pals? And the real question is: would you laugh at the jokes they made about it and play it cool?

Dear FA that wants to fuck fat girls but not date them. Iím constantly sorrowful I didnít know how to pick you out sooner, and consistently frustrated when you slip by now. You donít deserve this.

Dear FA that talks to me anonymously online and says Iím cocky for not wanting to talk to you. Iím not cocky. Iím fragile and insecure like many. I simply believe in myself a bit more than that. And Iíll never trust a man who doesnít reveal his true identity, because, again, what are you afraid of?

Dear FA that doesnít think Iím good enough. Why are you still seeing me? Why do I let you?

Dear FA that keeps it on the down low. I promise to get naked and streak your next family gathering, should you not understand that I deserveóno demand, to be at your side next time, not in your wet dreams.
I have my own answers for these here letters of concern

1. I don't care where my plus size girlfriend may be, I will always want to hold her and make sure she is safe and secure in my arms, around my friends or not.

2. I can actually say that this probably happens to most girls, having been to concerts, I realize that most guys want to be guys at my concerts (That I go to) and dont want to have to worry about their girlfriend's safety.

3. I wish I could get a my girlfriend to sleep in my house as much as hers, but it isnt my place, so it isnt my decision

4. If I had a myspace page with a bunch of plus size girls, and my girlfriend found out, I am a dead man.

5. I want to have sexual with fat girls, and I have with the same one... for 3 years! She is my first plus size girl and she was my first! So, Life is good

6. Huh? I like talking to fat girls online!

7. I think my girlfriend is too good for me, so I fight to make sure I am a near fraction compared to her whole love.

8. I told my parents I am an FA, and I get angry when they say to me that she should lose some weight. And if she did streak infront of my family... I would send her to my room >)
__________________
"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill
Gspoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:37 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.