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Old 01-03-2007, 10:17 PM   #26
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i know nobody knows me from some other random member with no rep, but i'd like to throw my $.05 (adjusted for inflation) into the mix.

AFG, im sorry you've met/been with some shitty guys. i think its pretty fucking lame that a guy wouldnt introduce you to his friends, or any of the other stuff you mentioned. a guy like that has no balls, and hey, who wants a guy with no balls?

dont get me wrong, im not perfect. i dont wear Tshirts that say "i like fat chicks". i dont walk up to every cute fat girl i see and say "wow, you're really pretty, and you've got a huge ass! wanna go out saturday night?" and i do keep some secrets online.

but, when i was dating a fat girl, i did introduce her to all my friends. she came to my place often. i even held her hand in public. i did nothing to hide the fact that i really liked her, or that i liked the fact that she was big.

even though there are some shitty, ball-less FA's out there, i think there are plenty more that wont be ashamed to be seen with you, who'll gladdly let you sleep in their bed, and who will be your knight in shining armour, or whatever the current girly fantasy is.

chin up kiddo, you'll find him.
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Old 01-04-2007, 12:17 AM   #27
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brilliant statement, AFG. i think all FA's are at least a little guilty
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Old 01-04-2007, 12:44 AM   #28
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AFG, I understand your feelings. I was in love with an undercover FA for years. I felt that there was something wrong with me. Now, I know that he has the issues. I will not put myself through that anymore. It hurts too much. And there are too many man who will love you as you are, without hiding it.


RUN away from him!
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Old 01-04-2007, 01:57 AM   #29
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Lets stop labeling men as "FA" and that might help. I admire WOMEN and if they happen to be wrapped in fabulous curves, so be it. I don't admire the fat in them; I admire THEM.

Good response Supersoup but since it's directed at me I'll take a small bite from this newb... No, let's not stop "labeling" men as "FA"...we need more men honestly declaring their love of FAT women, that's right love of the FAT these women have... what do you think this board is about newb? You think you're on Oprah? Looking for applause for your BS VanilaGorila .... grow some balls... enough time wasted, moving on
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Old 01-04-2007, 02:29 AM   #30
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Back around 1998, a few of my buddies thought it would be fun to have a t-shirt made up for me to wear on the boardwalk that summer in Atlantic City. All it said was "I'll take the fat one".............I LOVED it, and wore it that entire summer, much to the concern of my buddies, who all thought I'd gone off the deep end.

I was thinking about a business opportunity recently, and thought that printing shirts with this slogan might be a cool idea, that FA's would love it, and I might make a few bucks developing a line of fat girl support shirts for men.

My question is, things have changed since '98. Would the shirt today say "I WANT the fat one"???? If so, would the guys have the testiculars to wear it, or have times not changed as much as I thought?
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Old 01-04-2007, 05:23 AM   #31
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Preach on!!!!

Seen "FA's" most of my life claim to love a big girl then pull me asside and say things like "wish I had your courage to go out with such a large woman.. what do your friends say"

First my friends don't say shit (maybe they know better)

Second, I don't care what they think (They just better not make it verbal)

Third, Courage? What does courage have to do with it?

I have always dated large women, all the way back to middle school. It never occured to me to worry about what other people thought so I wasn't ever in the closet.

Best wishes from me and Cosmic Jans
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Old 01-04-2007, 06:04 AM   #32
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Great post AFG,

I also have a big problem with stealth FAs, whether they be the ones who want sex with a fat girl but don't want to be seen in public, or live a lie with a thin girlfriend and hide from her what he's really attracted to. They make the rest of us men look bad.

I will tell you that I do not hide my FA-ness.. my friends all know, my work all knows- I've had huge battles at work with other men who tried to talk me out of my "preference"

I am a militant no apologies live life to the fullest FA

Many years ago there was an article in Dimensions describing stealth FAs as those who pursued fat women without actually admitting to anyone usually including the woman herself that he preferred her fat. The ideal situation for a stealth FA (especially one with feeder/encourager tendencies) is to marry a thinner woman and then have her fatten up after marriage. So what we are talking about here is a bit different story, closet FAs who are acting in the shadows. Obviously not cool. The girls get half a relationship, which some may consider better than nothing. In the end it will lead to a lot of hurt and frustration if they are looking for something long-term, because these type of situations (dating on the down-low) can not last for the long term.

I know what you mean by people trying to talk you out of your preference. Parents would often be the worst for this. Or hoping it is just a phase you will grow out of.

Great post by AFG, particularly pointing out the guys who fawn all over the fat girls on Myspace and other online groups. I see some of these girls have hundreds of guys on their Myspace friend list and hundreds of comments on their Myspace pictures about how beautiful and sexy they are and then the same girl is complaining that she can't find any decent guys to date. It doesn't add up. There are clearly a lot of guys out there living in denial of their fat attraction.
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Old 01-04-2007, 07:38 AM   #33
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brilliant statement, AFG. i think all FA's are at least a little guilty
That's extraordinarily cynical and judgemental. I'll thank you to know that NOT all FA's are even a little guilty of expressing shame for their preference or projecting shame onto a partner.
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Old 01-04-2007, 07:46 AM   #34
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NFA, I wanted to respond to your earlier post. I love reading what you write, and feel very happy about your passion and drive in doing the FA thing the right way.
One thing I've always wanted to talk to you about is being cautious about being a hero to fat girls. Sure you're out. Sure you've got it down, you know? You're confident and defiant at a world that tells you you should not like fat women.
But always remember that there's a process that fat women have to go through, and you can't necessarily fix it for them, you know?
If I had met you when I first came on Dims a few years back it would have been no different than the in the closet FAs I met and talk about in my open letter. You would have been this very wonderful person that I couldn't imagine disagreeing with, because I did not yet know how to love myself outside the opinions of others--and those first months of realizing people could be attracted to fat me made me extremely vulnerable--both to closet FAs and strong, opnionated FAs like yourself. We see this over and over with fat women and BHMs who stumble upon this world.
Instead, I've had a chance to go through a process of learning self love and reliance first. Now, a few years later, I can see you as a peer, a friend, not someone with the salving balm.
I think sometimes its ok to let fat women talk for themselves and feel the pain. No army of great FAs can save us from that. And while it sounds nice, I wouldn't choose it.
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Old 01-04-2007, 08:04 AM   #35
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AFG, I understand your feelings

thanks for sharing

kisses,
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Old 01-04-2007, 08:10 AM   #36
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Confessional time. It wasn't because I was embarrassed of him, or because I didn't want my friends to think I was weird. It was because I couldn't deal with the ridicule from people that refused to get to know how good a person he was... the people who just saw a very fat man and immediately wrote him off as lazy, unclean, ambitionless... the people who wouldn't care that he was college-educated, with a good job, and a HUGE heart... it wasn't that it made me feel bad about myself, but more that it KILLED ME to hear people talking badly about him. The kicker was when I did invite him to a party, and my MOTHER of all people took me aside and started making cracks about his weight. I told everyone I was running to the store for more ice... I just wanted to cry in the car for a while.

Three years later, I recently admitted all of this to him. And because he's the greatest person I know, he forgave me. My biggest regret in life to date is that our lives are in places too different now to try at a relationship, because I'm not afraid anymore. Too little, too late...
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Old 01-04-2007, 08:15 AM   #37
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brilliant statement, AFG. i think all FA's are at least a little guilty
I don't think you should say "all FA's are at least a little guilty." I got ridiculed by people for being an FA, and I never, ever let that bother me. I never "hid" my girlfriend from my family or friends. I'm not guilty at all, and I kinda resent you saying it.
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Old 01-04-2007, 08:23 AM   #38
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I don't think you should say "all FA's are at least a little guilty." I got ridiculed by people for being an FA, and I never, ever let that bother me. I never "hid" my girlfriend from my family or friends. I'm not guilty at all, and I kinda resent you saying it.

^5s Philly. I never hid the fact that when I was created for some reason I was attracted to larger women. It is what it is and some accept the fact and follow where the eyes look and some don't and regret it for life.

Great post.
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Old 01-04-2007, 09:42 AM   #39
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I think I've been pretty open about being an FA over the years. I've had discussions with my male friends that didn't understand why I was dating fat women.

Having said that, shouldn't the ladies let their men be embarrassed about them for at least as long as the ladies were embarrassed by their own bodies? That gives most guys several years to work it out.

This comment applies more to the younger bbws among us. Those that are older might want to expect more out of their men from the start.
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Old 01-04-2007, 09:50 AM   #40
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Having said that, shouldn't the ladies let their men be embarrassed about them for at least as long as the ladies were embarrassed by their own bodies? That gives most guys several years to work it out.
Not just no, hell no. A man never has the right to date anyone they would be embarrassed to be seen with in public. I don't care if the girl has low self confidence, she doesn't deserve to date someone that would be embarrassed and no self respecting man would purposely date a woman they were embarrassed by.

If a guy needs years to work it out..he needs to be single during those years because he has not right to thrust his issues upon a woman he's dating.

Can I just say that this as to be the most asinine thing I've read in a really long time.
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Old 01-04-2007, 09:57 AM   #41
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Not just no, hell no. A man never has the right to date anyone they would be embarrassed to be seen with in public. I don't care if the girl has low self confidence, she doesn't deserve to date someone that would be embarrassed and no self respecting man would purposely date a woman they were embarrassed by.

If a guy needs years to work it out..he needs to be single during those years because he has not right to thrust his issues upon a woman he's dating.

Can I just say that this as to be the most asinine thing I've read in a really long time.

HERE HERE Misty! I totally agree with you on that one. Well put pretty lady
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Old 01-04-2007, 10:00 AM   #42
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Amen Misty!!!

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Old 01-04-2007, 10:01 AM   #43
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Silly question. what's the point in hiding? If people can't accept you for your likes and dislikes, then are these the people that you really need to please and be around?
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Old 01-04-2007, 10:03 AM   #44
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My indignation towards closeted FA's isn't as much about being a "white hat" for BBW's as it is being a hero for myself. I strongly believe that when men behave badly, it is the responsibility of other men to stand up and say so. Far too often, men stay silent when the culture of masculinity presents sexist and abusive attitudes. There were times I stayed silent myself in locker rooms and such, and I'm not the least bit proud about that. Men who don't have negative or abusive attitudes towards women need to speak out and be a part of the solution. We cannot just sit back and say its someone else's problem. It doesn't effect us personally, so we should just keep our mouths shut. I realized this was wrong a very long time ago and I feel I have a duty to speak up to my fellow men.

If men don't speak up, if they see these things as just a woman's problem, then its easy for those who engage in the inappropriate behavior to dismiss the criticism of women. For many, its something they are already inclined to do. They need to understand that this is not just women who have a problem with the inappropriate behavior, but everyone does. Just as I feel I have a responsibility to strongly support racial equality, as a man, I feel I have a responsibility to strongly support gender equality. At its heart, I think the behavior of closeted FA's is both born out of fat prejudice and sexism. Both of which I feel I have a personal responsibility to oppose.

I honestly don't do it to get credit or kudos from BBWs. Really doesn't cross my mind. I don't want to be a hero. I want to be a responsible member of my gender and a responsible FA. Closeted FA's give all FA's a bad name and honestly that is what bothers me the most. My second concern is still not with BBWs, but actually for the closeted FA's, themselves. Even if they aren't being jerks are trying to have things both ways, they are denying themselves something really, really wonderful and fufilling and for no reason. If anyone thought I was a hero to BBWs, I hate to have to tell them they are wrong, but I really want to be a hero to myself and to other FA's.
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Old 01-04-2007, 10:11 AM   #45
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Not just no, hell no. A man never has the right to date anyone they would be embarrassed to be seen with in public. I don't care if the girl has low self confidence, she doesn't deserve to date someone that would be embarrassed and no self respecting man would purposely date a woman they were embarrassed by.

If a guy needs years to work it out..he needs to be single during those years because he has not right to thrust his issues upon a woman he's dating.

Can I just say that this as to be the most asinine thing I've read in a really long time.
Must spread around, but I hope others can rep you for that.
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Old 01-04-2007, 10:13 AM   #46
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Silly question. what's the point in hiding? If people can't accept you for your likes and dislikes, then are these the people that you really need to please and be around?
Why do people hide any of their preferences? Because society looks down on them...Peer pressure...Not wanting to be different.

I wished for a very long time I could hide myself b/c of what the world thought of me but I've learned to LOVE myself for who I am. This is the only body I am gonna have in this world so I better enjoy it while I can.

FA's have the luxury of having the choice to hide their "abnormal" preference (abnormal according to most of the world) and some just choose to keep it that way no matter who it may hurt.
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Old 01-04-2007, 10:14 AM   #47
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I think I've been pretty open about being an FA over the years. I've had discussions with my male friends that didn't understand why I was dating fat women.

Having said that, shouldn't the ladies let their men be embarrassed about them for at least as long as the ladies were embarrassed by their own bodies? That gives most guys several years to work it out.

This comment applies more to the younger bbws among us. Those that are older might want to expect more out of their men from the start.

So, if I understand you correctly, and I'm really not sure I do, so bear with me. For example, a BBW was embarrassed by her body for 5 years. She meets a FA who is in the FA closet. It is OK for the guy to stay in the FA closet for 5 years, because that is the amount of time the BBW was embarrassed/insecure about herself.

If that is what you are saying, that is the absolutely the most fucked up thing I have ever heard. The only thing I could think of what an FA would have to work out is getting over his embarrassment of being with a BBW. I never had that problem, so I don't know.

And really, if a man/woman is embarrassed by his woman, then shame on them. I know my wife is self consious about the way she looks, despite the billion and one times I have told her how absolutely gorgeous she is. I wish she could see herself thru my eyes, then she'd see what I see. She doesn't need me adding to her insecurities. I would LOVE for my wife to wear more revealing clothing, or a bikini to the beach. I wish she could look at herself in the mirror and say "I am a beautiful woman." Hell, I wish she could look into a mirror and just be able to say "I look good today." I make sure I tell her that every day. I wish she wouldn't think that people look at her & stare, and laugh at her, or think she is a "disgusting fat slob."

Now she doesn't think that way all the time either, but I know those thoughts go thru her head. And that, my friends, is really fucking pitiful.
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Old 01-04-2007, 10:14 AM   #48
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indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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Must spread around, but I hope others can rep you for that.
Don't worry I took care of that
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Old 01-04-2007, 10:16 AM   #49
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Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!
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I've never been very good at hiding anything...okay, that isn't true. I can be good at hiding things, but it makes me feel very uncomfortable and unhappy and, eventually, angry with myself when I do. I suppose that makes me not very understanding of people who feel they need to hide. It just seems like lies to me and I can't stand liars/lies.
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Old 01-04-2007, 10:17 AM   #50
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Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!Ample Pie keeps pushing the rep limit!
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Don't worry I took care of that
times two.
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