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Old 12-04-2005, 03:01 PM   #1
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Unhappy My family don't like fat people

My family seem to hate fat people. I think fat women are really sexy but I'm afraid of my family knowing about it cause they don't like fat people. Whenever they see someone really fat they say things like "Ergh, she's horrible, she should really lose weight." I feel so uncomfortable when they say things like this because I think fat is a beautiful thing. We were watching this program on TV about the human body and three naked BBWs were interviewed, my family were saying "That's just wrong" and looking away. I was trying to hide my feelings and so I joined in. This made me feel really bad cause I was being forced to lie. I truly love fat ladies and I love what you BBWs are doing for us FAs but at the same time I'm being forced to live a lie cause I know my family wont accept my feelings. I just thought I'd tell you all this cause Im fed up of lying to everyone.
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Old 12-04-2005, 03:09 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt
My family seem to hate fat people. I think fat women are really sexy but I'm afraid of my family knowing about it cause they don't like fat people. Whenever they see someone really fat they say things like "Ergh, she's horrible, she should really lose weight." I feel so uncomfortable when they say things like this because I think fat is a beautiful thing. We were watching this program on TV about the human body and three naked BBWs were interviewed, my family were saying "That's just wrong" and looking away. I was trying to hide my feelings and so I joined in. This made me feel really bad cause I was being forced to lie. I truly love fat ladies and I love what you BBWs are doing for us FAs but at the same time I'm being forced to live a lie cause I know my family wont accept my feelings. I just thought I'd tell you all this cause Im fed up of lying to everyone.

You shouldn't lie to your family. You are a grown man, and should act like one by telling your family your true feelings. Chiming in with your family about how disgusting fat people are is degrading. If your family truely loves you they will accept your choice. It may be rocky for a little bit, But think of this way, FA's have the CHOICE to be in the closet about what they like, Fat girls dont have a choice about being in the closet about being fat. Everyday we live our lives, being stared at, called names, getting odd looks and hearing the comments that you and your family make. If we can be big enough to acept and take all of this, then you should be able to as well. Thats my opinion.

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Old 12-04-2005, 03:16 PM   #3
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I saw that programme too. You don't have to tell your family your preference if you don't want to, but you could make it clear that you don't think it's right to insult them, and you should not join in.
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Old 12-04-2005, 03:28 PM   #4
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Just gouge their eyes out. Then they can't see your fat girlfriends. Everyone's happy that way. Unless your parents don't like having their eyes gouged out.
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Old 12-04-2005, 04:17 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt
My family seem to hate fat people. I think fat women are really sexy but I'm afraid of my family knowing about it cause they don't like fat people. Whenever they see someone really fat they say things like "Ergh, she's horrible, she should really lose weight." I feel so uncomfortable when they say things like this because I think fat is a beautiful thing. We were watching this program on TV about the human body and three naked BBWs were interviewed, my family were saying "That's just wrong" and looking away. I was trying to hide my feelings and so I joined in. This made me feel really bad cause I was being forced to lie. I truly love fat ladies and I love what you BBWs are doing for us FAs but at the same time I'm being forced to live a lie cause I know my family wont accept my feelings. I just thought I'd tell you all this cause Im fed up of lying to everyone.
This might sound a bit harsh, but you're not going to get much sympathy from me, Matt. You need to stand up to your family and friends. Be a big boy and own up to your preferences.

From what I hear, life in the closet is a pretty miserable thing and any fat woman you might actually date will not want to spend her time with you in it.

I think you'll find some encouragement by hanging around this community. I wish you luck!
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Old 12-04-2005, 04:37 PM   #6
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I'm curious. Do you date BBWs? If so just bring one home to meet your family. Who gives a crap what they think? I doubt they would be so rude to mistreat your girlfriends. My family and friends accept my preferences because when they meet my dates they realize they are just like any other girl, except there is more of them, lol. Whatever you do, don't ever join in with anyone in making fun of big girls. That is just loathsome. To be honest, any FA that does that, doesn't deserve a BBW.
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Old 12-04-2005, 05:01 PM   #7
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My family is the same. I grew up with the mentality that anything fat was very bad; despite this I still adored all things fat.

I'm a big boy now and whilst I still like to 'please' my family, I only choose to please them in the important ways... like being a decent human being, not my preference for ladies with extra mass... I mean, in the world we live in, what a stupid prejudice...

btw. mine is a typical conservative middle class family and are much the same with anything socially taboo... including smoking, somehow it makes a person 'bad'
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Old 12-04-2005, 05:23 PM   #8
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I got a lot of grief from my family when I decided to embrace my FA-ness at age 20. But I told them I didn't care what they thought - my happiness was more important than their opinion. That was 1972, and I've never looked back.
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Old 12-04-2005, 06:24 PM   #9
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Lightbulb Interesting topic....

It seems as if you care about your family quite a bit..... THEY ARE suppose to support you in everything you do, but they aren't..... Now you're obligated to love them (or deal with them ), but that doesn't mean you can't disapprove of a way they think. If your family doesn't approve of your preference, you don't have to listen to them. You may even make a stronger statement by saying "I love you family, but I must defy you, for my love of (insert name or preference here)".... that statement is just an example of how you may feel, and something you may say when you express how you are to your family.


I'm 18, somewhat neutral on the weight debate, and I still live with my folks.
My younger sister (just one year younger than me) is very close-minded about the topic, and considers that my support is support of an unhealthy lifestyle.... I usually make stronger points about it when we argue, but we argue about it on rare occasions.
My mother doesn't have a problem with it, and is proud of me being neutral.
BUT my stepfather hates people of size, and makes a statement of it whenever he can. He knows how I am, and he doesn't like it. HA!!!! I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT WHAT HE THINKS!!! Even if I wasn't a rebellious, yet calm person, he wouldn't be able to change me.


They can't force you to give in to their preferences, so just brush it off, find the person of your dreams, and be proud!!!!


Good luck with your decision....
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Old 12-04-2005, 08:09 PM   #10
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Default family issues

It's very sad to hear you're family feels this way, but it's good you can be more open-minded. The best thing to do would be to start to take a stance. Try to make them realize that they are discriminating people based on their apperance and no one need explain why that is wrong.


With that being said, I realize how difficult it can be to have a close-minded family. I go to visit one side of my family once a year in the west coast. I feel like they care about nothing besides appearance. Never do they ask me about school, my life or anything, it is always just about my weight. I feel like I don't even know any of them because, now when I go out there, I avoid them. They make me feel so uncomfortable..everytime I leave there, all I want to do is lose weight.

I realize I should stand up to them but it seems easier just to avoid them or appease them...so long story short I understand your dilemma, sort of
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Old 12-05-2005, 09:15 AM   #11
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I love my family though, I like everything about them apart from the fact that they don't like larger people. I just feel really alienated from them when they say things like this. And in reply to what some of you have been saying, I don't actually join in by calling large people names, I just look away and make it seem like I feel the same as my family but only to my family; I never let a fat person see me doing this cause I know it's wrong.

Another thing is that I'm not totally an FA. I like slim women aswell, I just prefer larger women. All my previous girlfriends have been slim and I have been perfectly happy with them and their body. I just feel like I am being stopped from exploring my other sexual preference cause of my family.

I dont want to fall out with my family because of it. I'd be lost without my mother's guidance, lol. Letting them know my true feelings is really out of the question for me but thanks for the advice anyway.

And in reply to what ThatFatGirl said, I don't expect any sympathy. Oh and fatlane, I don't really wanna gouge their eyes out either but thanks for the suggestion anyway, lol.

Oh and I'm not actually fat myself as you can probably guess, nor do I intend to ever be. I'm a boxer and need to keep really fit so...
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Old 12-05-2005, 09:17 AM   #12
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Anytime, Matt. We're here to help you in any way, from ultraviolent to pacifist. We're here for ya!
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Old 12-05-2005, 10:24 AM   #13
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***Lilly stands up from the couch and faces family***

"Look people. I happen to like Freddy Shithead. Freddy isn't the sharpest tack on the wall but he's the one I picked and I don't care if you potato farmers don't like it. I'm sick and tired of being made to feel as if I have to tow the line behind your stupid assed comments. Did I say anything to you while you were running in behind that snaggle toothed boy who works at Skippy Whites? No. So mind your business and leave my Freddy alone."

That seems to work for me. My family will still make snide remarks every now and then but somehow I have to believe that my family's love for me is stronger than their hate for __insert_male's_name_here__." I love my family too, even though they won't cower before me in fear and bend to my will on command. Fortunately for me they love me also even when I do my own thing.
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Old 12-05-2005, 11:30 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by Matt
Another thing is that I'm not totally an FA. I like slim women aswell, I just prefer larger women.
If you can be open minded enough to see beauty in whatever size, I'm sure you'll family will be able to do so too. Calling people who in any way differ from the norm is just typical human (mob) behaviour. And it's the sort of behaviour we keep up without stopping to think for a moment, and anyone who has the opportunity to otherwise (i.e. someone who has stopped and thought for a moment) should do so. It's simply part of human's worst traits to be prejudice and to call names.

Besides, these things are never as (okay almost never) as bad as they seem. This potential or real person you could fall in love with and be happily with might just as well be of a different religion, race, social class, GENDER, whatever. And our families will always have something to object with, but their primary concern usually is our well being and if not that family is not worth caring about - and then you'll just have to move on and find someplace else to be happy, cared for and loved.
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Old 12-05-2005, 12:16 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Mariah
If you can be open minded enough to see beauty in whatever size, I'm sure you'll family will be able to do so too. Calling people who in any way differ from the norm is just typical human (mob) behaviour. And it's the sort of behaviour we keep up without stopping to think for a moment, and anyone who has the opportunity to otherwise (i.e. someone who has stopped and thought for a moment) should do so. It's simply part of human's worst traits to be prejudice and to call names.

Besides, these things are never as (okay almost never) as bad as they seem. This potential or real person you could fall in love with and be happily with might just as well be of a different religion, race, social class, GENDER, whatever. And our families will always have something to object with, but their primary concern usually is our well being and if not that family is not worth caring about - and then you'll just have to move on and find someplace else to be happy, cared for and loved.
OK, so if you are not looking for sympathy, and you do not plan on telling your family about your preference of larger women, and all your past girlfriends have been skinny, then why the hell did you post this post? Its not like you were looking for ways to help tell your family, or someone to support you while you did. You just wanted all of us fat people to know that there are even more people out there disgusted by us? That there are even more, closet Fa. although not really an FA people out there. Your family is stopping you from exploring your sexuality? Meaning you just wanna be able to have sex with a fat girl? In any case, I dont understand why you made this post. Its nice to know there there are more men in the world emabrassed to be with a fat girl. My advice? Grow some balls. We all love our family, and never want to disappoint them. But when we do, if they truely love you, they will live with your decision, But Im not sure thats the problem. Maybe YOU cant live with it. And geez even if you ever did grow the balls to tell your family, I have a feeling telling your boxing buddies would be the next problem.

I think you should give up on the fat girls. COntinue dating the skinny girls that you and your family find socially acceptable. We fat girls dont need men like you, ashamed to date us, coming around.
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Old 12-05-2005, 12:58 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by LillyBBBW
***Lilly stands up from the couch and faces family***

"Look people. I happen to like Freddy Shithead. Freddy isn't the sharpest tack on the wall but he's the one I picked and I don't care if you potato farmers don't like it. I'm sick and tired of being made to feel as if I have to tow the line behind your stupid assed comments. Did I say anything to you while you were running in behind that snaggle toothed boy who works at Skippy Whites? No. So mind your business and leave my Freddy alone."

That seems to work for me. My family will still make snide remarks every now and then but somehow I have to believe that my family's love for me is stronger than their hate for __insert_male's_name_here__." I love my family too, even though they won't cower before me in fear and bend to my will on command. Fortunately for me they love me also even when I do my own thing.

YOU GO, GIRL!

That is the best stand, ever.
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Old 12-05-2005, 01:27 PM   #17
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Dude, you don't have to "come out of the closet" to stand against your family being assholes. A simple "What the hell do you care if they're fat?" should shut them up. I don't know your family, but an average person will shut up once it's pointed out that their behavior isn't approved of.

So yeah, like it's already been said, either take it like a man or get over it.
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Old 12-05-2005, 01:28 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by BigCutieViolet
OK, so if you are not looking for sympathy, and you do not plan on telling your family about your preference of larger women, and all your past [...]
I think you should give up on the fat girls. COntinue dating the skinny girls that you and your family find socially acceptable. We fat girls dont need men like you, ashamed to date us, coming around.
Mariah runs for cover and looks up when it's clear. I feel a bit concerned about the fact that I got quoted above the above quoted reply. All people I discuss such things with know what I find beautiful and what not. Preferences are no reason to end a good relationship though... nor are one's preferences anything to be ashemed of. They simply are... and to each our own. That said I still wonder why Cameryn Manheim has to wear ghost- make up in The practice???
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Old 12-05-2005, 03:33 PM   #19
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Grow some balls.
I don't need to, I've already got a nice pair right....*Looks down*....wait a minute, they're gone, arghhhh.*Runs around room screaming like a girl*
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Old 12-05-2005, 04:01 PM   #20
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I was the girl dating a guy like you....

It happened to me last year. I was dating a (now) dear friend and we had our fun. I had surgery and he called me the week after that we couldn't go through cause his parents don't like big people. And he didn't know how to tell them. So I said I could deal with that for him and just meet them. I don't care. Some people just need some help to snap back to reality. Can you imagine how that made me feel? His loss anyway... and he knows it. Something good came out of it anyway; he introduced me to Dimensions and I'm so glad he did I met a lot of nice people here
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Old 12-05-2005, 04:42 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by fred_elliot
My family is the same. I grew up with the mentality that anything fat was very bad; despite this I still adored all things fat.

I'm a big boy now and whilst I still like to 'please' my family, I only choose to please them in the important ways... like being a decent human being, not my preference for ladies with extra mass... I mean, in the world we live in, what a stupid prejudice...

btw. mine is a typical conservative middle class family and are much the same with anything socially taboo... including smoking, somehow it makes a person 'bad'
what about interracial dating?
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Old 12-05-2005, 04:45 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by Jon Blaze
It seems as if you care about your family quite a bit..... THEY ARE suppose to support you in everything you do, but they aren't..... Now you're obligated to love them (or deal with them ), but that doesn't mean you can't disapprove of a way they think. If your family doesn't approve of your preference, you don't have to listen to them. You may even make a stronger statement by saying "I love you family, but I must defy you, for my love of (insert name or preference here)".... that statement is just an example of how you may feel, and something you may say when you express how you are to your family.


I'm 18, somewhat neutral on the weight debate, and I still live with my folks.
My younger sister (just one year younger than me) is very close-minded about the topic, and considers that my support is support of an unhealthy lifestyle.... I usually make stronger points about it when we argue, but we argue about it on rare occasions.
My mother doesn't have a problem with it, and is proud of me being neutral.
BUT my stepfather hates people of size, and makes a statement of it whenever he can. He knows how I am, and he doesn't like it. HA!!!! I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT WHAT HE THINKS!!! Even if I wasn't a rebellious, yet calm person, he wouldn't be able to change me.


They can't force you to give in to their preferences, so just brush it off, find the person of your dreams, and be proud!!!!


Good luck with your decision....
its worse when your friends and family try and compare dating a big woman with homosexuality. my grandma made a dumbass statement that likeing big women is a gay trait because its the guys way of wanting a big strong person to hold you or some BS like that she said.
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Old 12-05-2005, 05:13 PM   #23
Zackariah
 
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Two things...

First, I don't really get this whole 'FA in the closet' thing. Maybe because I was dealing more with the 'online relationship' bashing when I hooked up with my significant other. The night before I flew out to Virginia to help my girl move to Texas, my grandfather told me "I think you're making a mistake." I told him it was my mistake to make, and you know what? Four years later, we're still together and quite happy, and my family -never said a discouraging word again.- Yes, she's a bbw, and she's even put on a bit of weight since moving in with me, and my family either don't care or wouldn't dare commenting directly to us, because they know we're happy. It probably helps that I have established a firm image of myself as an individual, and they know that I'm not looking for their acceptance.

If your family cares about you, they want you to be happy. It may take them some time to realize that being free to date people of any size you like is a necessary component to your happiness, but if they do realize that and still condemn big people, I don't know what to say. I'd go so far as to cut a family like that out of my life - not for the sake of dating, but because they obviously wouldn't be healthy for me to be around.

The other thing I wanted to say is, give the guy a break. You might want to condemn his outlook, but ultimately the only person anyone here is damaging by doing so is themself. All the BBWs and FAs and BHMs and FFAs do more for fat acceptance simply by living their lives openly and without prejudice than I believe any of us could accomplish in ten times that time condemning people for their closed mindedness. In the (translated) words of Lao Tzu, from the Tao-te Ching:

The heavy is the root of the light.
The unmoved is the source of all movement.

Thus the Master travels all day
without leaving home.
However splendid the views,
she stays serenely in herself.

(translated by Stephen Mitchell)
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Old 12-05-2005, 06:14 PM   #24
Jes
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MizzRubens
I was the girl dating a guy like you....

It happened to me last year. I was dating a (now) dear friend and we had our fun. I had surgery and he called me the week after that we couldn't go through cause his parents don't like big people. And he didn't know how to tell them. So I said I could deal with that for him and just meet them. I don't care. Some people just need some help to snap back to reality. Can you imagine how that made me feel? His loss anyway... and he knows it. Something good came out of it anyway; he introduced me to Dimensions and I'm so glad he did I met a lot of nice people here
Well apparently, YOU should have introduced HIM to Dimensions.


sorry you lost him to his inability to deal with the issue, but good for you for knowing it's his loss.

Sometimes I say that and it rings somewhat false. Yes, it's the other person's loss, but it's mine, too. You can't pretend you don't feel that as a loss, a lot of the time. Then again, if someone is kinda crazy in this way, then better to know early on. Dodge that bullet!
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Old 12-05-2005, 06:53 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gangstadawg
what about interracial dating?
I doubt that would be an issue. They are far too politically correct to take any racial stance. Besides, the issues are different. The weight / smoking / drinking were borne from a desire to be healthy.... Must admit, I hid the fact I smoked from them for 12 years, then managed to quit... one of my finest achievments....

Comparing your desie for larger girls with being gay is the most absurd thing I have ever heard. Does that make a girl who goes out with a guy less than 160 pounds and under 5'9 a lesbian?

This is a quite a sad, but all too true thread about guys stuggling to 'admit' their desires for big girls to their family and peers. One thing for sure is, most decent people will grow out of that..... After all, you only get one shot at life and whats the point in being unhappy?
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