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Old 01-13-2007, 09:09 PM   #1
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so, i've found that it's extremely tricky to let a girlfriend, or even a girl you're interested in, know that you're a feeder...or even what the hell that is. i brought it to the attention to an ex of mine, and she just sort of shrugged it off, which is ok i guess...i'm not tryin to force anything on anyone. but do you think that it'd just be smarter to keep it sort of a fantasy, or look specifically for a feedee, or try to convert the heathens(so to speak)?
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Old 01-13-2007, 09:34 PM   #2
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I thin Bruce on here probably has the best approach: Most girls do not mind being treated to meals and things they like, and will enjoy eating as long as you're not bitching at them to lose weight.

As far as formally introducing it, I know what I'd be comfortable hearing. In the natural flow of a relationship, you discuss various turn-ons. There is little off-putting about, "I like watching women eat, and I like feeding them. I even like the results of feeding them." It's non-threatening. It's just an interest. It makes you human that way, if that makes sense.
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Old 01-13-2007, 09:41 PM   #3
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I totally agree with TSL on this.
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Old 01-13-2007, 09:59 PM   #4
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well put...i was hoping for some big crazy discussion...but you hit the nail on the head.

i was actually gonna just shove a funnel in my girlfriend's mouth, but what you said is much better.
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Old 01-13-2007, 10:42 PM   #5
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well put...i was hoping for some big crazy discussion...but you hit the nail on the head.

i was actually gonna just shove a funnel in my girlfriend's mouth, but what you said is much better.
Funnels could work. A funnel cake and good discussion tends to work better though. Be open to compromise, but don't let your own desires get left behind in the dust.
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Old 01-13-2007, 11:16 PM   #6
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good advice...but now i have a craving for funnel cake.
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Old 01-14-2007, 02:20 PM   #7
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I agree with TSL as well, and also it's something that a girl can enjoy as a fantasy aspect (she likes the eating, the attention, the fun of it) but may never actually be interested in gaining a pound.

As long as you've got a fat girl, the play may be enough... the teasing she can do, the "oh my pants are tight" with a sly grin, etc. Sometimes the game is more the fun than anything, and something that most women who have that "feeder fear" (just made that up, but I think it's totally dead on) never fully understand.

I'm not a feedee, but I get it all and I'm not afraid of the fun side of food.

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Old 01-15-2007, 08:16 PM   #8
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but do you think that it'd just be smarter to keep it sort of a fantasy, or look specifically for a feedee, or try to convert the heathens(so to speak)?[/QUOTE]

I've never said anything to my wife, but she's known for years that I love her fat and want her fatter. The house is always well stocked (by me) with all her favorite foods. She was about 200 when we met, she's 300 now.
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Old 01-15-2007, 08:41 PM   #9
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i was actually gonna just shove a funnel in my girlfriend's mouth
Oh my goodness that is a good idea!!!
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Old 01-15-2007, 08:44 PM   #10
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Agreed. Unless your relationship is already D/s, labelling yourself as feeder will connotate negative feelings. Foodee is much better. You can go on and on about food and cooking and food and eating and food and where was I?... without actually intending that your target(s) actually consume enough to get fat(ter).
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Old 01-15-2007, 08:53 PM   #11
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I honestly don't know...some of the girls I've dated, when I've mentioned my likes, have freaked out. Others disbelieved me completely. Only one has been okay with it, and actually was happy about it.

I think it all depends on presentation. Be positive and upbeat when you tell her about it. When she asks to know more about you, or something, after you two have been dating a while, tell her. Again, remember to not make it sound like a deep dark secret, but rather something that you like and enjoy. Don't obsess over it, or think to much on it. Just put it out there.

Worst case, she leaves/dumps you. Best case, she is accepting. Fantasy case, she reveals that she want to gain weight(if this happens pray to whatever god you believe in, or if you don't be VERY VERY HAPPY )

And of course there are all sorts of reactions inbetween. Whatever it may be, just go with it. Better to have someone who understands you and loves you for your entire person. Don't settle for less, ever.
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Old 01-16-2007, 04:37 PM   #12
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I thought about your question. I had no idea what a feeder was or that they existed until I hit dimensions back in the summer. I knew there were men that might want to keep you "fattened up" but never the details of it all.
So maybe she has no clue either and perhaps you should let her grow used to the idea of it all before you hit her with too much information at once?
I know I have more tolerance of things when I have had time to think about them.
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Old 01-16-2007, 11:24 PM   #13
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based on her reaction to certain things that aren't accepted within the general populace, i'm gonna go ahead and wait and consider everything i've read here before i even bring it up to her.

keep em coming though, this stuff is gold.
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Old 01-17-2007, 08:40 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSadeianLinguist View Post
I thin Bruce on here probably has the best approach: Most girls do not mind being treated to meals and things they like, and will enjoy eating as long as you're not bitching at them to lose weight.

As far as formally introducing it, I know what I'd be comfortable hearing. In the natural flow of a relationship, you discuss various turn-ons. There is little off-putting about, "I like watching women eat, and I like feeding them. I even like the results of feeding them." It's non-threatening. It's just an interest. It makes you human that way, if that makes sense.
Very well put!

Reminds me of a video of Jenny McCarthy talking about her love of eating!
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Old 01-17-2007, 08:46 PM   #15
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it was hard for me but after I told her she started gaining on her own. It's a visable difference and it's only been a month!
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Old 01-18-2007, 02:04 AM   #16
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hey nowhere man...is your avatar the one and only Hot Rod? if so...ROCK ON.
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Old 01-18-2007, 11:03 AM   #17
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based on her reaction to certain things that aren't accepted within the general populace, i'm gonna go ahead and wait and consider everything i've read here before i even bring it up to her.

keep em coming though, this stuff is gold.
I agree there are some interesting responses here. It seems there are several aspects/factors that can be attributed to a 'feeder' tendency.

1) A guy who likes/loves a big woman and feels he would be more attracted to a larger version of her. In this case the 'feeding' or 'encouraging' or 'hoping' is because he has a goal in mind of her arriving at a larger size, not that he wouldn't enjoy the process of her getting bigger. Taking into account her health and quality of life, he should limit his desire for her increased size to a reasonable goal (not necessarily a set number but a size range), like PhillyFA's wife who went from 200 to 300 pounds.

2) The obsessed feeder who is more entralled with the process of a woman fattening up than enjoying her body at any stage along the way. This is the aspect of feederism that disturbs people, especially potential feedees, the most because, amongst other things, there is the obvious concern that once he has fattened her up to some point he will move on to his next 'project'.

3) Control aspect. In this case the feeder may be more turned on by controlling another person than the results of his feeding. The control may also take on other forms beyond just wanting to engineer the feedee's weight gain

4) The most benign type/aspect of feederism where a feeder just gets off on seeing the feedee indulge in eating. As mentioned above this can end up being relatively harmless since the feeder's enjoyment is not dependent on any weight gain.


Obviously, categories 1 and or 4 could seem okay to some open-minded people, while most women are going to run (and rightfully so) from a guy who shows behaviors associated with 2 and 3.

First thing is to ensure the woman you are involved with is okay with your admiration of her at her current size, which I assume is going to be BBW to some extent. Next would be to introduce the eating and weight gain thing in a way that she can be accepting of. But I see it as quite tricky. If you tell her something like "I think you are really sexy now and would be even more sexy at a larger size" you risk having her think she should gain weight or risk losing you to a larger woman. She will feel coerced. If you do as others suggested by saying you like to watch a woman eat and 'even like the results of feeding them' but are really more interested in seeing her get bigger than watching her eat it seems kind of disingenuous. I guess the most important thing is to make it a situation where she is in control and hopefully gets some enjoyment out of seeing your reaction to her eating and/or expanding body.

Anyway, I don't claim to know what the hell I am talking about here but it is fun to try to articulate my thoughts on this (all the while hoping noone takes offense to any of my ramblings).
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Old 01-18-2007, 04:24 PM   #18
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based on her reaction to certain things that aren't accepted within the general populace
Damn. Sounds like you're gonna have to keep your bola tie fetish a secret for a little while longer
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Old 01-18-2007, 06:23 PM   #19
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hey nowhere man...is your avatar the one and only Hot Rod? if so...ROCK ON.
hahaha thanks XD
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Old 01-19-2007, 06:41 PM   #20
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When I was in a relationship, I eventually told them. The first one really liked me and was willing to do anything for me so she ended up gaining about 70 pounds before i found out she was cheating on me, and the second girl just got really offended and well led to the demise of that relationship. so it really just depends on the personality of the girl.
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