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Old 01-29-2007, 09:30 PM   #1
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Default A question for the girls.

So this is a question for the girls and I mean NO offence for the men.

Have you ever come across FAs who have been offencive towards you for not finding them attractive?

I talk to a HELL of a lot of men online who are attracted to fat girls but I've found one common factor among a lot of them. If I turn them down they turn straight onto the whole "you're just a fat bitch" type stuff. I'm just wondering if many other fat girls have come across this? I get it quite often to be honest. Not so much from people here, but if I'm talking to someone from a BBW site and I dont want to meet up or I decide we're not right for each other I find the men go straight for "well you're a big fat slag" type thing..

Is that just me?
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Old 01-29-2007, 09:47 PM   #2
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Yes, it is horrible . I try to stay away from internet dating as much as possible. There are too many sharks out there for me.
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Old 01-29-2007, 10:54 PM   #3
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Sorry, I'm not a woman... but I just have to say that this kind of crap is universal from my gender. Many guys have huge egos and feel like there's no way a woman could resist them or even consider not being attracted. When this does happen, the guys first reaction is ALWAYS to point out any perceived "flaws" of the woman who's turned them down. Popular society says being fat is a "flaw," so it doesn't surprise me that even FA's succumb to using fat in a negative way in the heat of a moment.

Sorry... we tend to be schmucks
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Old 01-29-2007, 10:58 PM   #4
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Sorry... we tend to be schmucks
Well... as long as you can admit it.


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Old 01-29-2007, 11:17 PM   #5
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I get that sometimes. It mostly seems to happen on myspace. But yeah I only want to date FAs from now on. But it doesn't mean that since its a trait Im attracted to, that I would date ALL FAs. But I have a few FA friends who say the same things about BBWs. Just because they like a big body, doesn't mean they would date ANY BBW. Its just like what eightyseven said. Its kinda universal.
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Old 01-30-2007, 12:45 AM   #6
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Yeah, it's pretty common Em, but I have to say I would NEVER, EVER consider those men FAs, nor grace them with that title.

They're online dicks looking for a place to land and can't stand that some "fat bitch" has enough taste, sense, and respect for herself to want nothing to do with them.

But yeah, it happens... they figure we're easy and they can't even fathom that a fat chick would turn down any chance at attention or sex. God, I do hate it all so.

And additionally, I don't think FAs should just date any old girl who has a big body (not saying anyone here said that... to be clear). I think preference for me and a guy and anyone else is up to them. If you like fat girls but you like boobs or you like apples or you like a bottom heavy girl, etc... then that's your choice. No reason you should have to date any fat little old lady or fat young thing that comes along just because she tips the scales over 250, you know? There are sooooo many other thing to consider in how she carries herself, interests, how she acts, style, hair color, etc, etc.... so the whole opposite mentality of some women that every guy, who may be an FA, should like them is pretty far off the mark as well.

Okay, done - one more pissing in the wind attempt at being the great equalizer!
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Old 01-30-2007, 01:09 AM   #7
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I feel like i should make a Quagmire joke.

Giggity?
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Old 01-30-2007, 01:21 AM   #8
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I agree with Ann Maire...there are a lot of dicks preying on BBW's on the internet. Speaking for myself as an FA, I wouldn't just take whatever big girl came my way, just as a big girl wouldn't take any old FA, either.
Anyways, sorry, this is a thread for the women.
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Old 01-30-2007, 01:43 AM   #9
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Default Then he's not an FA

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Originally Posted by eightyseven View Post
Sorry, I'm not a woman... but I just have to say that this kind of crap is universal from my gender. Many guys have huge egos and feel like there's no way a woman could resist them or even consider not being attracted. When this does happen, the guys first reaction is ALWAYS to point out any perceived "flaws" of the woman who's turned them down. Popular society says being fat is a "flaw," so it doesn't surprise me that even FA's succumb to using fat in a negative way in the heat of a moment.

Sorry... we tend to be schmucks
If he's really an FA he wouldn't perceive being fat as a negative. If he claims to be an FA, then I don't think he's use the term fat bitch. I have to think a guy that said that is just trolling for fat chicks because he thinks they're easy, and when she turns out not to just want to leap into the sack with him just because he's an FA, his true colors come out.

I like big men [so I don't have a very creative screen name, ok] but that doesn't mean I expect that if I show an interest in one he's going to grateful to me for it and automatically be interested. Why would the fact that I find him attractive automatically mean that he finds me attractive?
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Old 01-30-2007, 07:47 AM   #10
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Hmmm, I disagree. A man can be a FA in the very literal sense of the term (that he finds fat attractive), and still be a dick to fat women and try to use our fat as an emotional weapon against us. I've had several encounters with men who did indeed find me attractive, but had no qualms about using fat insults on me if their advances were not returned. That doesn't mean they didn't actually find me physically attractive; it just means they were trollish and petty enough to use what they thought was an effective means to hurt me once their pride was wounded. To say these guys are conflicted about their feelings about their preference is probably a vast understatement.

I do make a mental distinction between a FA and what I call in my head a "quality FA". A FA is simply attracted to fat women. A quality FA is attracted to fat women (no, not ALL fat women), embraces his preference, and treats us the way we deserve to be treated - with love, respect, tenderness, dignity, all that good stuff. (We have a lot of quality FA's here, yay!).

I guess it all kind of depends on one's definition of "FA", when it comes down to it.
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Old 01-30-2007, 07:53 AM   #11
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I totally agree, Carrie and was going to post the same thing. Just because you find someone attractive, doesn't mean you won't deingrate the very trait you lust after. Just because one is an FA doesn't make suddendly an enlightned person. I've heard things from FA's that I could post here (not my boyfriend by the way) that would make everyone's skin crawl. At the time, I wish I spoke up, but didn't. That's for another time, I suppose.
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Old 01-30-2007, 08:04 AM   #12
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I agree with carrie too, some fa's seem to be convinced that it's just one of the "perks of the job" that all fat girls are desperate, have no standards, and thus are easy to bag. When their ill fated unromantic escapades fail them, to become enraged is the only response their tiny brains can muster, I suppose.
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Old 01-30-2007, 08:04 AM   #13
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I like the distinction between FA and Quality FA that you make because it highlights what is a critical point in our little subculture of BBWs and FAs. So much of the entry into our world is based on our size and our physical attraction to people of various sizes of large that we sometimes lose touch with the factors that really go into real world attraction that leads to meaningful relationships.



The issues that men who find fat women attractive have in forming relationships are not very different from those that men who find [insert physical characteristic, blue eyes, blond hair, big breasts, tiny waists, slender necks, high cheekbones....] have in forming a relationship once they've identified a candidate woman with the requisite physical elements to attract their attention and libido. The dating scene is wrought with insecurity and rejection and people deal with those issues in a variety of ways which are very instructive. That men who are either rejected or decide not to pursue someone should lash out in a hateful way is reprehensible, mean spirited, nasty and indicative of their own deficiencies. But, it's not surprising. Many people, men and women act in a similar fashion when they're disappointed, rejected or rebuffed as they go through life. A final note is that many people also look to make themselves "feel better" by attacking someone else and trying to lower the other person so that in comparison they're "better than the other person". Of course all this does is hurt another person and confirm that it was probably appropriate that the attacking person wasn't worthy of whatever or whoever they were seeking.
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Old 01-30-2007, 08:32 AM   #14
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I think it would be helpful not to take this thread too far. Eightyseven, let's cool it with the universal to my gender / we are all schmucks crap..

Some men are jerks and some are immature, as are some women. There are always bad apples.

Genuine FAs who have some semblance of maturity would loath to denigrate what they find desirable, but you do have some men who are out for an easy lay and if they don't get it SOME might lash out it an immature and insulting way.

But let's avoid the strong tendency of over generalizing negative experiences into sweeping condemnations. This happens far too often now a days.
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Old 01-30-2007, 08:44 AM   #15
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I think it would be helpful not to take this thread too far. Eightyseven, let's cool it with the universal to my gender / we are all schmucks crap..

Some men are jerks and some are immature, as are some women. There are always bad apples.

Genuine FAs who have some semblance of maturity would loath to denigrate what they find desirable, but you do have some men who are out for an easy lay and if they don't get it SOME might lash out it an immature and insulting way.

But let's avoid the strong tendency of over generalizing negative experiences into sweeping condemnations. This happens far too often now a days.
I didn't say nor mean that we are all schmucks. I was merely pointing out that more times than not (more specifically on the internet) you have guys who do a disservice to our gender by pulling crap like the OP mentioned. It's not how I feel about myself or people who are genuine/thoughtful, but those people don't come around often enough "these days" and I'm sure many of the women who have dealt with that kind of BS would agree. I'm not trying to put anyone down. If you're not personally offended on yours or anyone else's behalf (since I know you too, for the sake of many women you admire/care about, loathe these two-faced people we're discussing) by the statements I made because it doesn't speak to who you are, then don't complain about them, please.
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Old 01-30-2007, 08:46 AM   #16
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Ann Marie,

In addition to that wonderful fat body of yours, you have a great head on your shoulders, great post... fat, fluffy, happy and positive, and smart too... what a woman!
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Old 01-30-2007, 08:57 AM   #17
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Relax Eightyseven,

My complaint is only with your choice of words, not your motives.
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Old 01-30-2007, 09:05 AM   #18
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But let's avoid the strong tendency of over generalizing negative experiences into sweeping condemnations. This happens far too often now a days.
This post actually surprised me. In reviewing this thread, I see a lot of "some", "sometimes", things like that. Few, if any, sweeping generalizations, and as many positive comments about the sort of good FA's we have around here as stories about the FA's who try to use a woman's body size against her. The question was specifically about bbw experiencing men who have done exactly that, so yes, the thread is focused on that - it's a valid issue that has hurt many of us, and deserves discussion. It certainly doesn't mean that all men suck, and I don't see anyone here implying that. I took Eighty-seven's comments as somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but it's also possible that I'm just more familiar with him and his posting style than you are.

I hope this hasn't discouraged anyone from sharing their experiences in this thread. It can be very puzzling and painful when this sort of thing happens to a person, and that to me means that it's worth examining and trying to understand.
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Old 01-30-2007, 09:22 AM   #19
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I found that often times back in my younger days before I was married for a long time. I was just chubby back then (in the 180 range) but still dated a lot. I don't think the men were FAs- just didnt mind chubby ladies. Some were d*cks when they didn't get their way and would get insulting about the weight (at times), even after they kept bugging/harrassing me for a date.
One guy dated my good friend and I was driving him somewhere when he started asking me if I would have dated him if he wasn't with my friend. I didn't want to encourage the guy in any way/shape/form so I answered no. That obviously pissed him off because he said I was a "bit flabby" anyway. (The irony is that my friend he was dating out weighed me by about 70+ pounds so he obviously said it just to insult me). He pissed me off enough to be sure to tell my friend about it all right in front of him when we got back to her house.
I remember another one that didn't get insulting. Instead, he got really pushy. The scary kind of pushy.... I was glad to switch jobs and not have to see him anymore.

My point is this: "men in general", not just FAs can be arseholes. Some are great, polite guys - you just sometimes have to dig through a pile of shit to find the gem at the bottom
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Old 01-30-2007, 09:32 AM   #20
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Yes, it is horrible . I try to stay away from internet dating as much as possible. There are too many sharks out there for me.
You can say that again!!! Good lort!!
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Old 01-30-2007, 09:48 AM   #21
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I imagine it's largely tied up with the hero complex, the idea that because you're fat they're some how doing you a favor by showing interest, and that they automatically have some leverage on the attractiveness scale, mixed in with a bit of sour grapes.
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Old 01-30-2007, 09:51 AM   #22
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^^^Personally, I see it as more of a self esteem problem. Some of those guys probably don't think a "normal" woman would want them so they go to the "rejects" (how I think they perceive it all and this is just my opinion,btw), thinking they will HAVE to be wanted there. Is probably one hell of a hard blow to discover that the fat girl doesn't think you're a prize either....

When someone is down on themselves, they seem to have a tendency to put others down, too. Is not a nice way to live.

***Note: this is not aimed at all men in general- just at some of the real jerks I have the misfortune of encountering in my lifetime
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Old 01-30-2007, 09:51 AM   #23
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Everyone has their own tastes as to who they want to hook up with. Just because you're on a BBW dating site doesn't mean that you have to settle for any and every guy that comes your way. You have the right to turn people down and well, just be happy in general. Everyone has standards, including BBWs.

And yes, I get that a lot. I have specific tastes and some guys don't understand that. So they think that I'm a stuck up bitch who should be greatful that any man is showing interest in me. Fuck that...this is the eletronic age and I'm going to take care of my business with or without you.
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Old 01-30-2007, 12:22 PM   #24
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Relax Eightyseven,

My complaint is only with your choice of words, not your motives.
Now I'm all curious as to what words you would have chosen. I think "schmuck" pretty much sums up the kind of people the OP and many others have been talking about, but that's just me. If you agree with my motives you should spend more time talking about the topic at hand than getting nitpicky with a word you may not like. If you have a problem with me, address me personally in a PM and we won't have to hijack this very interesting thread anymore. Thank you.

Carrie, you're awesome. Just throwing that out there

Now... back to your regularly scheduled weight board thread.
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Old 01-30-2007, 12:52 PM   #25
GPL
 
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You have gentlemen and guys who dont even know how to deal with a woman... It is sad, but it is the hard truth
Em, you are in no way the things those "guys" call you. I think you really are quite a lady, sweetie

Please take care Em!

Hugs,
GPL.
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