For Women Only: What Do You Wish Men Knew?

[rainyday]

If you're a man, stop!

I'm making two of these threads, one for men and one for women. Men, just this once please let the women have their say without commenting. If each side knows they won't be attacked by the opposite sex for their words, maybe we'll get truer answers and might all learn something.

So women, what do you wish men knew about dating, about relationships, about interacting with you and about women in general? When you hear men talking, what do you wish you could tell them but never felt you could? Here's your chance.




Exception: Not everybody here is hetero-oriented, and I’d like all to be part of the discussion. If you’re male and attracted to men and there’s something you wish other men knew, feel free to post in this thread.

[Sandie_Zitkus]

If you are not going to call - say so.

[Ashley]

Silence isn't always a sign of anger/sadness/general bitchyness.

And when I am angry, sad, or just generally bitchy, you don't have to take it upon yourself to try to fix me.

[liz (di-va)]

Something along the lines of: it's okay to say what you mean, say what you feel. Nothing's that scary that it can't be said, and disappearing hurts infinitely more than just saying the truth. You don't save anybody any pain that way, rather the opposite. (Not to mention, if you really love someone you will cause them pain at some times whether you want to or not.)

On another level: do remember that not everyone who is expressive and affectionate is spending the rest of their time knitting blankets for their hope chest. Don't worry so much.

Also: y'all are delicious.

[liz (di-va)]

Oh and also: I'd be happy to read the other thread! See what's to know!

[rainyday]

Originally Posted by liz (di-va)

Something along the lines of: it's okay to say what you mean, say what you feel.

I'm with you. Even if it hurts I'd rather hear the truth.

[fatgirlflyin]

If I come to you with a problem that doesn't neccessarily mean that I'm looking for you to fix said problem. Sometimes I just need a person to bounce my own ideas off of while trying to come up with my own solution.

Also, when a woman says she feels unimportant or unwanted an answer of "I'm here aren't I? If I wasn't happy I'd be somewhere else." just doesn't cut it. All that's going to do is make those insecure feelings worse.

[rainyday]

1. The reason we ask a lot of questions isn't because we want to drive you up the wall. Honest.

2. All those little things you do everyday that show you care--the little kindnesses you do without us asking. Even if we forget to say so, we adore you for them. They're worth so much more than much showier things.

3. When you put stuff up on high cupboards we can't reach, inevitably the time we'll need it is when you're not around.

4. Don't blow smoke up our skirts. We can sense insincerity a lot easier than you realize.

5. There are much bigger ones than this, but. . . When we call you for dinner, get your ass to the kitchen.

[love dubh]

Hetero-oriented women can and do look at other men, and do find others attractive. Don't become a jealous monster over it. We all know that hetero-oriented men check women out too, yet that seems to be less problematic than a woman checking a guy out. Get over yourself, men.

[BigCutieSasha]

For me it would be:
1:I wish men knew how much a little extra effort with a girl would go. Sometimes just a random phone call or text saying you were thinking about her, or saw something funny and wanted to tell her. Not all girls need the whole nine yards. But yes, RRA (random romantic acts) mean more than I think guys know.

2: Some girls just like it simple and straight forward.

3: When you are with a girl, don't take her for granted as though she will always be there. The next day is always a new day to show you care. (I actually dated a guy a long time ago who said he didn't need to try for me anymore because he already had me, so there was no need to impress.)

4: Dont lie! Being honest is always best policy. Plus karma will bite you in the ass, because we usually have ways of finding stuff out even when you think your tracks are covered.

5: Don't cheat. If you feel you are going to want to be with another woman, or man, whatever, tell us and break it off first (being honest). Don't make us look like a fool.

6: Understand that we have hormones that we can't always control. Its not always your fault when we are upset, so you don't have to fix us. Just be there for us if we want that.

lol Im sure there are others but those are my big ones.

[LoveBHMS]

1. This tweaks Sandie's a little bit, but don't say you're going to call and not do it.

2. If you're not interested, that is fine. I won't open a vein over you, but once you know you're not interested, don't lead me on or keep calling me or email me just to stay in touch.

3. If you do something wrong, don't try to turn the situation around and focus on my reaction to what you did. In other words, if you show up a hour late, I'm going to get angry. Don't then tell me that I'm overreacting or that you hate it when I get so worked up over nothing or that you don't like it when I yell and I'm ruining our evening by shouting at you.

4. It is fine for me to need reassurance about your feelings.

5. Whatever your last girlfriend or wife did to you wasn't my fault and is not representative of all women.

6. Don't complain to me about problems you're not working to change.

7. Dont' try to see what you can get away with as far as being a jerk. Don't push the envelope just to see if you can or to see how much I like you.

8. Not all women play games. Most of us are straighforward, honest, and respectful and hope you'll be the same way.

9. You are not less of a man for apologizing. If I ask you to do something and you do it, you are not "whipped." Everything is not a power struggle.

[BigCutieSasha]

Originally Posted by rainyday

5. There are much bigger ones than this, but. . . When we call you for dinner, get your ass to the kitchen.

lol I love this woman And I agree.

[MisticalMisty]

1. Don't make promises you can not keep. Instead, say I will try. If you use the words "I promise" I expect a complete and total follow through.

2. If you make plans with me and get cold feet, have a change of heart, something comes up, LET ME KNOW. Don't just stand me up. I'm worthy of a phone call, text message, im, email. If this wasn't 2007, I would understand. However, everyone is overly accessible and the bullshit about not being able to get in touch with me isn't going to fly.

3. If YOU initiate contact with me, either continue the contact or let me know that you are no longer interested in communicating. Do NOT just fall off the planet. It's rude.

4. When chatting with me for the first time, do not immediately ask my stats. Ask my name, show interest in who I am as a person, not just my body.

5. I'm not a mind reader either. I will give you time to cool off, rage, any of those things. However, if the problem is ME..please tell me so I can assess the issue and see if there was a misunderstanding on either of our parts.

6. If we are dating, I don't expect to hear from you everyday. However, I do expect to hear from you a couple of times a week. One of those times needs to be a phone call. Communication is key to a successful relationship.

I have more..lol..will post later

[calauria]

Sometimes, really, get over yourselves!

[Carrie]

Interesting how many of us agree that it's the little things that matter so much to us.

Some guys get it.

Honestly, guys, this kind of thing makes us positively swoon.

[SamanthaNY]

Honestly, the disappearing-thing is really my only general beef with men. And in my limited experience -there's very few guys who don't do it (thankfully I got one of 'em).

What the hell is with that, anyway? Something isn't going their way, so they just... fade away? Do they actually think we don't notice? Are they that infantile about control issues that they think they can take their toys and go home... then show up months later expecting us to play with them like nothing's happened? The excuses are always lame "um, I forgot I had another girlfriend"; "I couldn't find a phone" (for THREE weeks??); "I was in Vegas"... and yet they cling to them and defend them vehemently instead of just telling the truth - which is often that they were just feeling too pressured.

So here's what I'd say:

Grow a pair. Take responsibility for your actions and tell a girl what's going on in your head. If you wanna go... go! But have the courage to inform the person before you do.

To rainy, for creating this thread.

To Ashley, for:
Silence isn't always a sign of anger/sadness/general bitchyness.

And when I am angry, sad, or just generally bitchy, you don't have to take it upon yourself to try to fix me.

To Ella, for:
If I come to you with a problem that doesn't neccessarily mean that I'm looking for you to fix said problem. Sometimes I just need a person to bounce my own ideas off of while trying to come up with my own solution.

To Sasha, for:
6: Understand that we have hormones that we can't always control. Its not always your fault when we are upset, so you don't have to fix us. Just be there for us if we want that.

To Love BHMS, for:
5. Whatever your last girlfriend or wife did to you wasn't my fault and is not representative of all women.
---
I'll have more to say later--something that requires more effort than copy and paste.

[JoyJoy]

Women can have passionate feelings about something without it automatically meaning we're going through PMS. But you know what? Even when we are, we can't help how nature affects us, so making comments about it is only going to make things worse for you.

[activistfatgirl]

That I feel deeply sorry for you that you don't even have the ability to cry when its really clear that you want to and need to.

[calauria]

Not to wake me up when I'm sleeping.

[calauria]

OH!! I just thought of something else!!

Fellas, just say what you mean and mean what you say and stop fucking around with it.

[MisticalMisty]

The rest..lol

7. I’m a super sized woman. If you find that I’m your ideal woman in your fantasies, but yet can’t quite bring it upon yourself to date me. Leave me alone. I don’t need you to waste my time.

8. Again, I am a super sized woman. You have to be open to changes in plans and please be flexible. If we get to a restaurant that can’t accommodate me, please don’t make a scene, that doesn’t help matters. You have to be aware that there are places that I don’t fit and plans may need to change quickly.

9. If you are not open about your preference to your family and friends and feel the need to hide me, that won’t fly. I am not dumb and will realize what is happening and we will have a state of the union address. I am a loud and proud fat girl and I’ll be damned if I date anyone who is remotely ashamed to be with me.

10. Finally, a relationship is give and take. I am one of the most loving and giving individuals you will meet. I am very compassionate and caring. If I am your girlfriend, I will be a friend, a lover, a confidant, and someone you can share your hopes and dreams. I will respect you. I will not lie or purposely hurt you. I will rejoice in your successes and help ease the agony of your defeats. However, I am no doormat and I expect to be treated with dignity and respect. I expect you to value my individuality and I will honor yours as well.

[Carrie]

Don't put me up on a pedestal. The look in your eyes, the tone of your voice when I come tumbling down shreds me to my core. Don't worship me - I don't want to be worshipped. Instead, love me, for all my idiosyncracies, faults and foibles. At the end of the day, I'm just a girl.

[AnnMarie]

I'm single and looking.














(oh....and all the stuff the girls before me mentioned, too)

[BigBeautifulMe]

If there is a problem with the relationship, speak up and give me a chance to work on it with you. Don't keep it bottled up inside for over a year and then break up with me because I never read your mind and tried to solve it. Just as you're not mind readers, neither are we.

Do NOT get angry or annoyed with us when we cry about something! That is the worst possible response you could have. If you're going to claim to be the "rational, logical" gender, then BE rational and logical and realize that our body chemistry is different and we are going to cry when we are upset. Don't ask us to be rational and logical at those moments in time. If you want that, date another man.

If you want us to STOP crying, then don't try to solve our problem - some problems can't be solved. Comfort us, embrace us, tell us you love us and you're not going anywhere. If we want a solution, we'll ask.

Cleaning and cooking are not woman's work, they are the work of both people in the household, especially if we're both working.

Don't treat us differently around your buddies than you do when it's just you and I. Okay, you don't have to call me "schnookie wookums" when you're around your buds, but don't suddenly start acting as if you don't care about me. That just shows me what an ass you are, and I'm not going to put up with that for long.