Size vs. Femininity (for the ladies)

[Violet_Beauregard]

Ok here's one to get the brain cells working....

How does your size affect your feelings of femininity?

Speaking from personal experience, I tend to equate thinness with femininity. I also equate the color pink with femininity. I'm not thin, so I tend to wear a lot of pink, to sort of "trick" my brain into feeling feminine. I know all the FAs are going to say that it doesn't matter what size we are, that we are beautiful and feminine regardless. Believe me, I appreciate that more than you realize, and I do believe you feel that way, which is fantastic. But, there is still a major league part of my brain that just doesn't agree. Don't get me wrong...I accept my size and I'm generally happy with myself. Are there parts of myself that I wish were different? Sure, isn't it that way for most people? Maybe not everyone, but a lot.

I also think that feeling feminine is affected by the circumstances. If I'm wearing something that makes me feel good, or I think I look good in it (pink or no) I will feel feminine and attractive. If I'm with someone, preferably a FA, and they're showering me with attention and wonderful compliments, then I'm going to feel feminine and attrative.

But there are days......

Some days, it doesn't matter what I look like, how I feel, or who's complimenting me.... I'm feeling fat and hating every moment of it. I could be dressed in the most fabulous outfit and genuinely looking good, but in my bizarre brain, I'm feeling fat and thinking I look horrible.

It's all a mental thing I think. It's all in how we perceive ourselves and how we allow ourselves to view ourselves...mentally and phsically.

Always a challenge.

[kathynoon]

I know exactly what you mean. On days when I feel good about myself and body, I feel feminine. On days when I am self-conscious or feeling like the biggest freak out there, I feel like I am totally unfeminine. Worrying about how the others around me are looking at me, and what they are thinking about me, can kill my feelings that I am worthy of being looked at as a beautiful feminine woman.

I do have some clothes that tend to make me feel more feminine. And I have some which make me feel the opposite. I try to wear the feminine clothes more, especially on days I know I will be challenged to feel good about myself.

[Punkin1024]

I guess I've always felt feminine. My curves have always made me feel feminine. I love being a girl. Sure, I wear slacks - a lot, because they are more comfortable for me in my work environment and in the winter, I go for warmth and comfort. Being fat has never made me feel unfeminine.

~Punkin

[kerrypop]

I agree completely. In fact, I drew this diagram (poorly) to show kind of how I see it in my head:



In my mind, sleek lines have always been feminine, and my bumps and rolls have always kind of gotten in the way. I've never had the 'thin' frame, but I've dreamed about it sometimes. As I said in another thread, I wouldn't trade anything to be thin, but sometimes I don't feel very feminine. I think it's one of those trade offs that we all deal with.

[Violet_Beauregard]

Originally Posted by kathynoon

I know exactly what you mean. On days when I feel good about myself and body, I feel feminine. On days when I am self-conscious or feeling like the biggest freak out there, I feel like I am totally unfeminine. Worrying about how the others around me are looking at me, and what they are thinking about me, can kill my feelings that I am worthy of being looked at as a beautiful feminine woman.

I do have some clothes that tend to make me feel more feminine. And I have some which make me feel the opposite. I try to wear the feminine clothes more, especially on days I know I will be challenged to feel good about myself.

I just had a conversation with someone the other day about high school and how I didn't join things because I felt so fat and huge and was so afraid of what everyone would think of me. I weighed 160 lbs.!!! I would KILL to weigh that today.

I think we all go thru it.

[Violet_Beauregard]

Originally Posted by Punkin1024

I guess I've always felt feminine. My curves have always made me feel feminine. I love being a girl. Sure, I wear slacks - a lot, because they are more comfortable for me in my work environment and in the winter, I go for warmth and comfort. Being fat has never made me feel unfeminine.

~Punkin

I agree with you that the curves make us feel feminine. Believe me, I LOVE being a girl... I would not want to me male. Absolutely not. But despite the curves, I still struggle with feeling "pretty".

[Violet_Beauregard]

Originally Posted by kerrypop

I agree completely. In fact, I drew this diagram (poorly) to show kind of how I see it in my head:



In my mind, sleek lines have always been feminine, and my bumps and rolls have always kind of gotten in the way. I've never had the 'thin' frame, but I've dreamed about it sometimes. As I said in another thread, I wouldn't trade anything to be thin, but sometimes I don't feel very feminine. I think it's one of those trade offs that we all deal with.

LOVE the drawing.... and it describes how I feel exactly!! I will NEVER be "thin", I'm just not built like that. I'd be happy just to feel like a girl....and feel pretty and feminine...ALL THE TIME. LOL

[kerrypop]

Originally Posted by Violet_Beauregard

I agree with you that the curves make us feel feminine. Believe me, I LOVE being a girl... I would not want to me male. Absolutely not. But despite the curves, I still struggle with feeling "pretty".

Hahaha I would totally be a man for one day. TOTALLY.

[crazygrad]

I think the question of how size impacts how you feel about your feminity is one that a lot of women struggle with.

At my peak adult weight (about 312) I wore a lot of skirts because they were often more comfortable and easier to get a good fit than pants. But also because I fely so blocky and stocky as a fat woman. My breasts seemed to blur into my belly which blurred into my hips and thighs- like there was no distinction between them.

But one of my good friends is a very very thin woman. Her metabolism is always on overdrive and she burns everything she eats without a moment of exercise. I noticed she wore a lot of skirts as well and she explained it was because she was straight up and down- no boobs, no hips- and people always thought she was either very young (since she didn't have curves), male, lesbian, asexual or any number of other things because she has such a thin,linear body.So skirts helped her feel more womanly too.

Society's definition of feminity is so narrow that many women just don't feel feminine using this yardstick. Its based on the idea of what men find attractive and has so much to do with ideas of sexual availability and the deference of the female to the male body in terms of size and strength. Women are supposed to be smaller and weaker than man, in this framework. Women are supposed to be sexually appealing to please their men- and to likewise be available to fulfill that promise of sexuality when requested by their men. As a result, any women whose size, strength or attitude falls outside of this "heterosexy" ideal is deemed as less desirable and less feminine by others, who then project this back to the women who internalize it.

[rainyday]

It was odd to read your post because it made me realize something: I used to feel exactly the way you describe and I don't anymore, and I'm not sure when the change occurred. I hadn't even noticed it until now.

I think so much of what changed for me has to do with having been exposed here at Dim to pictures and posts that support the idea of female fat being feminine. Being with FAs and being appreciated for those curves has done it, and physically feeling my own shape pressed against the more angular shape of men has had an effect as well.

Were I not fat, I'd lack a lot of the ass and breast curvature that creates that distinction between my shape and a man's, so in a lot of ways I think I feel *more* feminine fat than I would if I were thin. I also think of softness as feminine, and it's difficult to imagine my shape and skin feeling as soft and silky without a deep padding of fat below it, especially at the hips.

The only exceptions I can think of when I feel less feminine are when my size causes me to do something graceless--like trip or have trouble exiting the back seat of a car--or when I see beautiful lacy underthings that I would love to wear but can't find in my size. Sometimes watching the catlike moves of thin women wearing lingerie--like in Victoria Secret commercials--does it as well, because my body does not move like that. Other than that though, I feel feminine most of the time.

As a teen I would often stare at the backside of my mother with loathing. She is shaped just like me but on a much smaller scale, and I was horrified at how large her butt was, mostly because I knew that as big as hers was, mine was even larger. Now when I notice her shape, I just think of her as softly feminine, and I've come to view of myself in that much kinder way as well. It feels so much healthier being able to think that way now.

And an aside: Having long hair also makes me feel very feminine. I had shorter hair for most of my life and now that I've had it long for a few years, I've found it really makes a difference in how girly I feel.

[ripley]

This is something I've been struggling with the last few months.

I have different views of what is feminine...from delicate to the overt sexuality of big-breasted, thin-hipped Victoria's Secret models. Neither of which I fit.

I'm an apple, and when I noticed that my belly is now quite a bit farther out when I'm standing than my breasts are...it was an unpleasant realization. I feel like I don't have that breast-waist-hips ratio that signifies "woman." It makes me feel almost disfigured.

I feel bulky; I don't feel delicate, dainty, or graceful. Inside I feel like I'm all feminine, but I fear that from the outside I don't look it.

[Risible]

Fat or thin (though I've never been thin), I'd feel feminine; all I have to do is glance down at the rack, which runs big in my family, fat or thin, to remind me of this. Beyond that, while I adore men and envy them many things (not the penis, though. Aesthetically, women have the advantage there; sorry, guys . And certainly not the back hair...), I totally emphathize with women and understand women and feel 100% like a woman. I've been different sizes of large, and that feeling has never changed.

I kinda thought that maybe you were asking if being large made me feel less than attractive compared to a thin woman and I'd have to say that's true sometimes. Specifically, a thin woman can cross her legs, which I think is a feminine trait; and a thin woman can tuck her legs under her, which I've never been able to do, but which I think is charming; and a thin woman doesn't leave the hot tub half empty when she gets out...

But those are all superficial examples, kinda like when I envy someone for their smooth hair, or pretty feet, or long neck; things I don't have, but that don't make me less than a woman in my own mind.

Now, my husband is very clear on the issue; he is adamant that he sees thin women as "boyish," and lacking femininity.

[Canonista]

Originally Posted by kerrypop

...but sometimes I don't feel very feminine.

If that's you in your avatar you are definitely feminine!

[MissToodles]

I have similar feelings to Ripley here. While I do very feminine things ( I love dresses & makeup) I feel as if lacking in the bosom region makes me less lady like. Fat women when presented as sexy, usually have cleavage up to their chin.

I also live in a city with very, very thin often extremely fashionable women. It's as if I can never "compare" to these ladies, who are held up as paradigms of womanhood.

[kerrypop]

Originally Posted by MissToodles

I also live in a city with very, very thin often extremely fashionable women. It's as if I can never "compare" to these ladies, who are held up as paradigms of womanhood.

That is one area in which I am lucky. I live in Eugene, OR which is also known as "the place where hippies go to die" It's pretty crazy here, and lots of girls are tye-dye wearing/non shaving types. I think that is awesome that they are comfortable in their own skin, but the little things I do every day to make myself feel pretty really stand out when compared to these girls. There are also lots of superglam college sorority girls here.. so I'm definitely walking the middle path, which is generally well accepted.

I understand how it can be to feel like that though. When I went to NYC I felt that way, especially the night we went to see a broadway show. It seemed like everyone was size two and wearing super designer dresses. They were beautiful, and I felt like a bump taking up a seat. :/

[supersoup]

i'm the opposite.

i've always associated the beauty of a woman WITH being curvy. i grew up a daycare kid till i went to kindegarten, and i can remember all the ladies that worked there...these big beautiful black women, all curves, smiles, and red lipstick, and i loved every one of them. my favorite thing about getting hugs from them was that my hands couldn't touch when i'd squeeze them tight. my mama has always been the same way, and she's the most beautiful woman in the world to me. she's an 'apple' shape, but to me she just exudes "woman", whatever that means. i love the fact that i'm soft, round in places, and shaped differently than most other women. i'm certainly not the largest breasted woman in the world, but i'd never trade my shape. i love that i'm unique, and i've actually never felt more feminine in my life. i can wear my sandals, knit pants, and a tshirt and feel like the sexiest woman in the room a lot of times.

beauty is what you make it, always remember that. and know that on those days you feel 'ugly and fat' there are people that still see you as beautiful, soft, voluptuous women.

just mandasoup's two cents.

[kerrypop]

Originally Posted by supersoup

beauty is what you make it, always remember that. and know that on those days you feel 'ugly and fat' there are people that still see you as beautiful, soft, voluptuous women.

just mandasoup's two cents.

Soup, you always make me SO happy! Be it cupcake posts, hat posts, or posts about being feminine, you just have this aura of "awwwww" and that is how everything you do makes me feel, all the time.

I love your posts!!!

[Fairia]

What I think of femininity are a few things. Looking at breasts, any size, having long hair (as I used to have the very short kind and did not like the way it made me look like a boy or "Pat" from SNL) And also having at least hips does it. I also see graceful agility, like dancing or a woman fighting in an action movie. Nice dresses, night gowns to sleep in, cute feet. Even looking at BBW drawings out there stretch the feminine perspective, and at very large sizes still look soft and nice .

[Tad]

Ten quick thoughts on how fat accentuates femininity

1) Obviously whatever curves you have become bigger :-) And note that this can be bust, hips, bum, whatever.
2) Rounded arms and legs
3) Gal’s bellies just are not generally the same looking as guy’s bellies!
4) Rounder faces. One of the features of guys is the somewhat craggier face, so the fatter face emphasizes the softer and rounder lines.
5) Emphasizes smaller hands. Women have smaller hands with shorter fingers than guys do, and when they are chubby they tend to look even shorter
6) The way you move. I don’t know if it is a center of gravity thing or how much weigh goes to the inner thigs, or just what, but while sufficient weight changes how anyone moves, it seems to do it differently for women and men.
7) Softness. ‘nuff said
8) Breadth of hip. Even women who complain that they have no hips get much wider there than fat guys do—how many even really big guys have a hard time getting their hips into airplane seats? It is usually belly or shoulders that is the problem. So that shear breadth of hip is a sure sign of a woman to me.
9) The neck. Women and men seem to plump up their necks differently. I like women’s much more :-)
10) I know I already said curves get bigger, but also that means there is just more curve, as in a longer sweep of curve, which gives them a sort of special quality aside from just shear size.

Regards;

-Ed

[supersoup]

Originally Posted by kerrypop

Soup, you always make me SO happy! Be it cupcake posts, hat posts, or posts about being feminine, you just have this aura of "awwwww" and that is how everything you do makes me feel, all the time.

I love your posts!!!

oy you, that's quite the compliment, thank you!!

it's just the truth according to soup is all! this place has made me this way, i'll be forever indebted to dimensions and all the lovelies here like yourself!

[Sandie S-R]

Originally Posted by Violet_Beauregard

Ok here's one to get the brain cells working....

How does your size affect your feelings of femininity? ....(snip)...

My size has never affected my feeling feminine. I've always been a girly girl, long hair, manicured nails, pedicured toes, make-up, dress feminine. So for me size is no issue at all with my femininity.

[AnnMarie]

I feel like soup and rainy.... I'm MORE feminine due to my size and curves. I'm softer, warmer, rounder, curvier, breastier, assier, bellyier, hippier - I'm everything that makes a woman a woman - plus more for good measure, so what is there to feel I'm lacking in feminine ways?

I understand the other feelings, but as rainy mentioned, that's not been part of my mind or thinking for many, many years now.... The thinner and more stick like a woman is, the more I think "12 year old boy" and less "foxy mama".

My curves and soft flesh are the essence of femininity.

[MissToodles]

Originally Posted by kerrypop

That is one area in which I am lucky. I live in Eugene, OR which is also known as "the place where hippies go to die" It's pretty crazy here, and lots of girls are tye-dye wearing/non shaving types. I think that is awesome that they are comfortable in their own skin, but the little things I do every day to make myself feel pretty really stand out when compared to these girls. There are also lots of superglam college sorority girls here.. so I'm definitely walking the middle path, which is generally well accepted.

I understand how it can be to feel like that though. When I went to NYC I felt that way, especially the night we went to see a broadway show. It seemed like everyone was size two and wearing super designer dresses. They were beautiful, and I felt like a bump taking up a seat. :/

Sounds similar to when I visit Vermont. People, especially the women, don't dress up, wear makeup etc. You're in Vermont, you do what you want. Unless you're in the more chi-chi areas, there's rarely a woman who wears heels to the market or bothers looking glam.

I just want to clarify, I don't want to be stick thin. That type of aesthetic doesn't appeal to me. Sometimes I just feel sort of bulky and ungraceful for my size. Often, people asked me along with other guys to help them move things or lift heavy objects. They assumed I was stronger because of my weight. I guess it goes both ways, as I try to use my size to be more intimidating therefore much less "feminine".

[lemmink]

Curves are deffo feminine. I don't really see it apply so much to *size* - I mean, v. thin women can be pretty curvy too. But yes, anything with any level of curviness looks to me to be feminine.

[kerrypop]

Originally Posted by MissToodles

Sounds similar to when I visit Vermont. People, especially the women, don't dress up, wear makeup etc. You're in Vermont, you do what you want. Unless you're in the more chi-chi areas, there's rarely a woman who wears heels to the market or bothers looking glam.

I just want to clarify, I don't want to be stick thin. That type of aesthetic doesn't appeal to me. Sometimes I just feel sort of bulky and ungraceful for my size. Often, people asked me along with other guys to help them move things or lift heavy objects. They assumed I was stronger because of my weight. I guess it goes both ways, as I try to use my size to be more intimidating therefore much less "feminine".

ooh- yeah. I didn't mean to give off the vibe that you would want to be a lil' tiny thing. Sorry about that, I reread my post and it totally looks like that's what I meant - It's not.