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Old 03-10-2007, 10:59 AM   #51
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Originally Posted by Jes View Post
Maybe if I promise to have sex with EVERYONE, I'll get even MORE rep!



And i agree--perhaps cutting down on the analysis will make us wommens feel more comfortable typing out what it is we like in our heart of hearts (and loin of loins). Let us analyze OURSELVES, guys. It's something women tend to do best.

My experience in life (and mine alone, I speak for no one but myself) has been that men think women 'play games' when in reality, I feel I only try to negotiate the expectations/judgements put on me by others.

For example, the whole 'no sex on the first date' thing. I think that if most women hadn't had the experience of being judged for a move like that, we'd feel much more free to do it. But we know that's not very realistic (and the thread elsewhere where almost every guy, down to a man, says they don't think less of a woman for doing so? I don't want to say anyone is lying, but that very real judgement does come from SOMEWHERE, so do we have a skewed cross section here, or...?) and so we wait, sometimes seeming to 'play games.' Trust me--if I thought it wouldn't disrupt things and cause drama, I would do shit that NONE OF YOU would be prepared for. haha. As would others, I'm sure.

where was I? I don't remember. Back to the fantasies!
Yes I agree, there is much more censure and expectation for a woman's behavior than a man's. Women who screw on the first date many men say it makes them think less of her even while they are enjoying the benefits therin. But if asked on an intellectual level what they think of it they would say in an academic sense that there's nothing wrong with it. But the next day they still won't call. Not everybody, but most.
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Old 03-10-2007, 11:17 AM   #52
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Oh no worries, Lilly. I may be analyzing, but only because I want to learn; why a certain woman likes what she likes, or whether it's just something she can't point a finger to. I gave up categorizing people for sex a LONG time ago; we're all just too different to make any sort of judgement call (infinite diversity in infinite combinations you could say) and to me anything and everything is fair game in fantasy (reality may be an entirely different matter based on local laws and ordinances).

I don't believe I tried to make a sweeping generalization about women's fantasies; I am only going by the women I have known and the fact that every single one of them--no matter how Emily Post on the outside--had that dark room of their psyche where they just let loose in an atavistic fit of lust and desire. This, to quote Martha, is a good thing.

Sex fantasies are still something (at least in the States) sill subject to those outdated, hypocritical puritan notions. The madonna/whore complex is still quite rampant, and I think both sexes are terribly judgemental on things. Depending on your audience, any sort of play where a lady attends to her man's backside workings can be heavily laced with homophobic attitudes, despite the fact that buttsecks is de rigeur for nearly every single guy/girl porn out there these days.

I would like to think that despite the fact that Dimensions can be an opinionated bunch, we would be open-minded enough to allow a free exchange of ideas, interests and fantasies (I mean, the overall fantasy and reality of big living is why many of us are here!).
Oh I totally agree A_S. I was hoping not to come across as accusing you of anything because I know that you weren't judging. Just pointing out that a lot of people are uncomfortable with the pigeon holing that goes on in life and in an attempt to understand, sometimes it can come across poorly and be counter productive even though it's unintentional.

Speaking *only* for myself and no one else, the rape fantasy has nothing to do with S&M or losing control at all. Quite the opposite in fact. I get an immense feeling of sexual power from it. I don't really want that to happen to me - but the concept of being so desirable, inspiring men to take complete leave of themselves and succumb to such frenzied lust is an incredible rush to me. For some it may have something to do with the loss of responsibility for their actions. "I'm not really a whore, they 'made' me do this," as I've read in some analyst's books. It may be true for a few, I'm not sure. But for me its just pure laziness. I don't have to do anything, display any talent or exert any effort at all to get people to lower themselves to the basest of levels and take leave of their senses due to the depth and sheer force of my desirability.

*sigh* (fans herself) Yeah, that does it for me. It's ALL about control over other humans, speaking only for myself.
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Old 03-10-2007, 11:20 AM   #53
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I'll post a couple of fantasies, since they aren't too graphic (those are the ones I submit to Penthouse letters).

I would LOVE to have sex on a beach..cliche, yes, but the beach is just so romantic and the waves crashing..mmmm. Of course, I've heard the sand in the nethers isn't sexy, but I'm sure a vinyl tarp may curb some of that.

I'd also like to bathe someone in a large hot tub bath with lots of good smelling soaps and bubbles. Bathe him from his head to his toes, then when we get out..slather lotion all over him.

The rest are just plain filthy, sorry..lol
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Old 03-10-2007, 11:24 AM   #54
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Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
*sigh* (fans herself) Yeah, that does it for me. It's ALL about control over other humans, speaking only for myself.
word (but not to your mother. that'd be creepy).

i can't say my thoughts on that fantasy are 100% aligned with yours, but there's much truth there for me. It's about the power of sex, for me, and not necessarily the power of either partner. But I can also absolutely understand you placing the locus of power with the woman, in that scenario. It's nowhere near as simple as it seems from the outside. It's not about submitting to the man, but rather, to the sexual urge, for lack of a better term.
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Old 03-10-2007, 11:46 AM   #55
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Even though I know I'm not down with S&M per se, I think that Jes and Lilly are on to something. There is a great thrill to be had from seeing desire on a man's face and expressed physically, being the cause of that desire.

The best lover I ever had could look at me across a room at a party and make me incredibly excited (wet) with just a look! It was like we were already making love right there, kind of hard to explain, but I can tell you that there probably wasn't anything I wouldn't have done with him sexually.

Of course, there are times getting a head injury from being banged are fun!
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Old 03-10-2007, 11:53 AM   #56
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Right?! Years ago, my partner and I were gettin' it on in bed, and at one point he stopped and said: hey, let's move down a little [toward the foot of the bed] so your head doesn't keep banging the headboard like that! And I was all: uh, who cares, it's kinda hot, giddy up!

my feeling is always:

less chatting, more thrusting!

(and I've said that to someone too. And laughed the whole time I was typing it out!)

again, for me, it's that regular rules don't apply when it comes to sex. And i like that.
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Old 03-10-2007, 11:58 AM   #57
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There are times when being objectified aint so bad.
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Old 03-10-2007, 11:59 AM   #58
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There are times when being objectified aint so bad.
and the name calling. the dirty-dirty name calling.
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Old 03-10-2007, 12:15 PM   #59
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There are times when being objectified aint so bad.
I agree.

Regarding fantasies...mine revolve around not being in control in the same way I'm in control in the rest of my life. What I mean is that as a teacher and a mom, I make decisions all day. I have to be in control of my surroundings and myself. (I can't call a student a shithead even if he is being one, for instance.) When I fantasize I dream about someone else being in control and making the decisions. At the same time, in my fantasies, it is because they can't control themselves due to my incredible sexiness that they are taking control. Someone already said it - but that is a form of power.
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Old 03-10-2007, 12:52 PM   #60
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and the name calling. the dirty-dirty name calling.
It depends on the name. I'm the type of person that if in the throws of passion a guy calls me his favorite little whatever my kinky devil might say, "Oh, yeah! I'm your naughty girl!" On the other hand, my liberal feminist angel says, "Oh hells no! You are not going to degrade or belittle me like that. I am a proud strong woman blah, blah, blah." The angel has a point but the devil is much more fun.
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Old 03-10-2007, 12:52 PM   #61
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I agree.

Regarding fantasies...mine revolve around not being in control in the same way I'm in control in the rest of my life. What I mean is that as a teacher and a mom, I make decisions all day. I have to be in control of my surroundings and myself. (I can't call a student a shithead even if he is being one, for instance.) When I fantasize I dream about someone else being in control and making the decisions. At the same time, in my fantasies, it is because they can't control themselves due to my incredible sexiness that they are taking control. Someone already said it - but that is a form of power.
Slightly different for me. I'm bossy and controlling in real life and my fantasies reflect that rather than relinquish. The gang rape is not a sudden attack or forced action but something I've spontaneously invited as a dirty little secret between me and the others involved. Everyone is straining themselves to maintain propriety until I give the wink and crook my finger which technically disqualifies things from being a rape but for lack of a better description and to keep previous postings short I used it. It's all a form of power but I suppose I garner mine form a different source?
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Old 03-10-2007, 12:52 PM   #62
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I think we have a combination of two factors in the rape fantasy here. It is about submitting to a man, and about being so desirable that he is overwhelmed with lust to do the taking. Basically there are two powers at work, a woman's sexuality and beauty and a man's physical drive and strength.

In very primitive times men would lust after a desirable woman and take her, generally speaking, no doubt in some cases after a fight with another male- rape and property.

We are civilized now but those urges are still with us. What woman doesn't want to be the object of lust and desire? What man doesn't want to have (or being honest "own") that woman?

Rape fantasies will take different forms but in my opinion it's just a simple variant of this.
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Old 03-10-2007, 01:05 PM   #63
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Slightly different for me. I'm bossy and controlling in real life and my fantasies reflect that rather than reliquish. The gang rape is not a sudden attack or forced action but something I've spontaneously invited as a dirty little secret between me and the others involved. Everyone is straining themselves to maintain propriety until I give the wink and crook my finger which technically disqualifies things from being a rape but for lack of a better description and to keep previous postings short I used it. It's all a form of power but I suppose I garner mine form a different source?
How's this Lilly?

Queen Lilly unbeknownst to her guards, in the middle of the night, takes a secret trip to the stables to let the farm boys ravage her?

About right or perhaps not modern enough?
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Old 03-10-2007, 01:07 PM   #64
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How's this Lilly?

Queen Lilly unbeknownst to her guards, in the middle of the night, takes a secret trip to the stables to let the farm boys ravage her?

Not modern enough perhaps?
"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Russ2d again."

Close enough!
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Old 03-10-2007, 01:10 PM   #65
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Hmmmmm.... I fantasize about a man that has a job and doesn't actually MIND paying some of the bills on occasion AND wants me for more than casual sex too! Gee, I dream big.......

Oh yeah, you mean sexual stuff....
Okay, in everyday reality, I'm kind of controlling- I have to be. I have three children so I have to be strong for them. Also, I can get walked all over by people I know/meet if I'm not careful so it's hard to have trust in some things.
This means, when it comes to the sex, I have no desire to be controlling at all. I'm one that really wants to please my sexual partner- that is one of my biggest turn ons (I get off by getting him off in a way that he likes a lot). That means I'm somewhat "passive" in bed- I like being "dominated" (not like s&m bondage stuff- just more along the lines of a strong, very sexual partner)
I have come to this realization over the past few years about myself- at first this disturbed me somewhat- I even blew it off for a while. But now I realize, it turns me on and my best orgasms come from it.

So my sexual fantasies usually involve a strong male figure that is somewhat "in charge" - yet is very trustworthy and doesn't hurt me. Yeah, it's a fantasy... believe it or not. My fantasies always revolve around feeling loved/wanted and a strong male figure. *shrugs*

Btw, I understand Lilly's rape fantasy but that's not quite mine- mine is more along the lines of "relinquishing control".
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Old 03-10-2007, 01:12 PM   #66
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Hahah..I'm cracking up reading this about the name calling, since I'd never experienced it (at one point) and a BF said to me during sex "Who's my dirty little bitch?" and I stopped what I was doing and said, "WTF? Who the hell are you talking to?" lol

I'm still not open to the name calling unless it's something that bears a strong resemblance to "Yes, Mistress" or my actual name..
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Old 03-10-2007, 01:13 PM   #67
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I wasn't allowed to rep you again for this thread, Big Plaid Pants

You are truly a nice, considerate man


Thanks
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Old 03-10-2007, 01:14 PM   #68
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Hmmmmm.... I fantasize about a man that has a job and doesn't actually MIND paying some of the bills on occasion
HAHA! Very good GEF, very practical
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Old 03-10-2007, 01:14 PM   #69
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Hahah..I'm cracking up reading this about the name calling, since I'd never experienced it (at one point) and a BF said to me during sex "Who's my dirty little bitch?" and I stopped what I was doing and said, "WTF? Who the hell are you talking to?" lol

I'm still not open to the name calling unless it's something that bears a strong resemblance to "Yes, Mistress" or my actual name..
I like the names if I tell them it's "ok" to call me them....


Hair pulling, light choking and bum slapping are good too

Ooooppppssss, this is just a "fantasy"
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Old 03-10-2007, 01:17 PM   #70
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I wasn't allowed to rep you again for this thread, Big Plaid Pants

You are truly a nice, considerate man


Thanks
I did it for ya. This is a great thread!
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Old 03-10-2007, 01:18 PM   #71
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I wasn't allowed to rep you again for this thread, Big Plaid Pants

You are truly a nice, considerate man


Thanks
I hooked him up with some rep. Well deserved. What a great discussion!
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Expecting the world to treat you kindly because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

"...If the only pain you recognize as valid is your own, of course you'll have trouble identifying it when you see it in other people. That's the trouble with narcissism. It makes you really inadequate and boring."

Have you hugged a fat girl today?

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Old 03-10-2007, 01:20 PM   #72
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I like the names if I tell them it's "ok" to call me them....
Yes, I have some acceptable names in my allowance table too.
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Expecting the world to treat you kindly because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

"...If the only pain you recognize as valid is your own, of course you'll have trouble identifying it when you see it in other people. That's the trouble with narcissism. It makes you really inadequate and boring."

Have you hugged a fat girl today?

@~;~~
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Old 03-10-2007, 01:20 PM   #73
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I'm on the total opposite end of the spectrum, since for lack of a better term, I'm the domme in the bedroom. Not an ACTUAL domme, but you know what I mean.

If I'm role playing though, I can be the S instead of the D..within my boundries of course..hehe.
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Old 03-10-2007, 01:41 PM   #74
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I'm on the total opposite end of the spectrum, since for lack of a better term, I'm the domme in the bedroom. Not an ACTUAL domme, but you know what I mean.
By any chance does this include squashing your men Krissy? I love getting squashed
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Old 03-10-2007, 01:43 PM   #75
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Here's an idea: if there were some way to send e-mail anonymously to an address, then someone could take those anonymous messages and place them up here. Then people wouldn't know who's got what kink unless it was stated blatantly.

Just an idea, 'cause I do think that it'd be nice to hear about what some of you ladies like.
Rip and I were going to do this for our polls and let people send us poll questions they wanted to see but didn't want to post themselves, but I never set up the email account to send to. May still do it.
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