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Old 03-12-2007, 01:22 PM   #1
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Default *sigh* Why am I seen as an anomaly?

Ok, so last week at work, had a co-worker asked me to name a celebrity I found attractive. Right off the cuff, without thinking much, I say "Kevin James" because I think he's freakin' adorable.

I get a raised eyebrow look from him and from another co-worker. And the question, "You mean that big guy from King of Queens?" In all honesty I don't think Kevin James is all that big. He's not scrawny, but he's not big, at least by my definition.

I said "Yeah I think he's adorable!"

Later in the week, same co-worker sees my desktop picture. It's me and my guy. He says..."Well he's certainly a big boy." I say "He sure is!"

Nothing more said.

Then today...same co-worker comes in, asking me if his tie and shirt are a good match. Then, he asks if I had a good weekend. I told him I definitely did, I was kid free and am kid free till Thursday. That me and the Z-man are having fun.

It was then, and only then that he looked at me and it was as if I could see the light bulb turn on over his head. "You like big guys don't ya?"

I looked at him and said "DUH."

Anyway, now I feel like some kind of anomaly around her, or some kind of novelty, he's asked me what I thought about guys that are Ruben from AI's size, and any other big guy he can think of.

Oh well, it's not like it's a hidden thing, but it's a little different sometimes. I had to get this out and figured this board is the best place.

So you other FFAs out there, have you ever felt like you were treated as a novelty because of your preference?
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Old 03-12-2007, 02:03 PM   #2
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Worse yet, I've been called a freak and actually been shunned over it. And I know from reading other threads and whatnot, I'm not the only one who's had that experience. We're not even that "different," so I just can't figure out why people treat us like freaks...
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Old 03-12-2007, 03:09 PM   #3
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People can be so infuriating.

I really don't understand why anyone's preference is worthy of comment. If I know someone who, say, really likes blue eyes, how is that any different?

What nonsense. BlueEyedBanshee, I'm sorry your co-workers are being such dorks about the whole thing.
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Old 03-12-2007, 03:26 PM   #4
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I think it's good that you're vocal and although I'm sure the questions can be a bit annoying, it's good that you're open about them and giving answers.

I think FAs (of women) find this type of questioning a lot more common, but since it's not often such a "HUGE" deal for women to be paired with a big guy, they're probably just genuinely interested in it... you've got a preference and it's sort of neat when you start delving into what people really like.

Sorry, I'm not really walking in your shoes here, but I just thought you should know I think it's great when anyone owns up to their likes/dislikes and is willing to discuss them to enlighten others that not EVERYONE has to be the cookie-cutter, Hollywood-fed mindless drones that many are.

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Old 03-12-2007, 04:46 PM   #5
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I'm not gay nor am I a BHM...but I do think it is awesome when a girl likes bigger guys. Because I have plenty of friends who are awesome guys, but they have no confidence because they are bigger guys. Most of them don't like big girls, and their idea of beauty is pretty mainstream. I think they honestly go through some, if not all, of the same insecurities about their bodies that BBWs do.

not that I'm advertising for them, but if I find a girl who enjoys or likes big guys, I'll try to find some way to have them meet my friend. I know, it may seem manipulative, but all I really do is make sure they're both either hanging out with me and some other mutual friends some where, or at a party. And I introduce them, and let it go under its own power from there.

So far two of the many people I've introduced have gotten together, one of those two is currently engaged. So, honestly I'm always happy to meet girls who enjoy bigger guys, because I get to give my friends a chance to meet someone who they might enjoy being with. And I give the girl a chance to meet a guy who I know is nice, fun, and interesting to be around.

Of course...this is all my point of view, so I might be a bad person...but it seems pretty nice in my view.
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Old 03-12-2007, 05:15 PM   #6
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I know exactly where you are coming from. It doesn't bother me most of the time. In fact, I love being a novelty.
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Old 03-12-2007, 05:42 PM   #7
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It's not particularly bothersome. But as Waxwing said, why is it any different than if someone perfers blue eyes, or blonde hair?

Anyway, now I know for the next few days at least I'll have a question or two about him. And it's not like they've never seen my boyfriend or pictures of him. The fact that he's a big guy is quite obvious, there's a pic of us in my profile if anyone's interested.

Alright enough complaining. I'm going to go have some fun
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Old 03-12-2007, 07:20 PM   #8
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Ooooh - he is quite dashing.
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Old 03-12-2007, 07:51 PM   #9
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Being a novelty always keeps thinga interesting and anyway.. you both make an adorable couple
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Old 03-12-2007, 08:23 PM   #10
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I don't mind being the anomily among my friends, and a good chunk of my family thinks its cool. My 14 year old cousin told me "Hey big boys need love too - someones gotta give it to em!" Smart girl.

However, I do wish I had more FFAs around so I could *in detail* discuss what turns me on. I guess thats what this here board is for, ladies?
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Old 03-13-2007, 03:36 PM   #11
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Ahh, novelty. So many people don't ever look outside what they see on MTV, or a CW show as an example of what everyone's supposed to look like that it just boggles folks minds to see or hear ANYTHING otside their sphere of thought.

Heck, I'm the walking novelty wikipedia among my friends, family and co-workers.

MOST people in my life with the exception of my mother have finally wrapped their minds around the idea that I REALLY do prefer big women. Occasionally I get the annoying, stupid or just plain insulting questions like: "But why? Isn't that disgusting?" But more often than not it's the bizarre curiosity questions that make my intended ladies little more than aliens on display at the zoo to them. *Sigh*

Of course, my closest friends also know that I prefer MYSELF Fat. In fact, I go out of my way to get fatter from time to time. It's how I think I look best and I love feeling fat. Now THAT one gets some interesting looks and questions.

After THAT, I can just mention that I'm an athiest and heads practically explode. heheh
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Old 03-13-2007, 04:28 PM   #12
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Quote:
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Occasionally I get the annoying, stupid or just plain insulting questions like: "But why? Isn't that disgusting?" But more often than not it's the bizarre curiosity questions that make my intended ladies little more than aliens on display at the zoo to them. *Sigh*
The fact that people can be that tactless sickens me. I just do not understand why it is anyone else's business. I guess I also don't understand why fat is considered disgusting. I'm small, but I don't think that I've ever thought "eeeww"...I mean it's simply a different body type. Period. I'm not tall either, but I never bit down on insults at the approach of a tall guy. Senseless.

You're right that people are frightened to experience life or opinions outside of what they're fed. I really do find that sad. They're missing out on the incredibly excitement that is difference. If they would open themselves up, sure they may not immediately take a shine to BHMs and BBWs (though this would probably happen pretty damned often), but they may find other, so-called "unusual" things that they enjoy.

How many people are missing out on themselves by forcing themselves to live within the cookie-cutter strictures of modern society?

ahem..sorry. I ranted.
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Old 03-13-2007, 04:49 PM   #13
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That's just it, it's their utter tactlessness as well as complete stupidity that never ceases to amaze me.

The questioning was very minimal today. However, he pointed out one of the men working in our building on the new boiler installation. He asked me if that guy'd be my type.

I took a good look at the guy, he was cute, and he was a big man. I said, yep, he's a hottie.

That was the end of the questioning for the day.
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Old 03-13-2007, 08:02 PM   #14
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Default It's a subset of being on display

And I think, as more of us come out about it, it may eventually lessen the pressure on each of us individually.

But in the meantime, goddamnit, it sucks being on display. I'm atypical in a lot of ways: half-Asian, married young, likes fat guys, makes kimchi, and on and on.

Some things are OK to interrogate me about: the kimchi, for instance. But the closer it cuts to someone's identity, the less ok it is to ask invasive personal questions about it. I won't put up with anyone impugning my Asian-American credentials, and neither will I put up with persistent questioning about any other facets of my identity if they're coming from someone I don't know well and trust.

People who know me well enough will figure it out; it's written all over my husband, the way his big-boob preference is visible on my chest. Everyone else can stuff it.

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Old 03-14-2007, 05:24 AM   #15
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Post FA's/FFA's in similar boat.

Quote:
Originally Posted by persimmon View Post
And I think, as more of us come out about it, it may eventually lessen the pressure on each of us individually.

But in the meantime, goddamnit, it sucks being on display. I'm atypical in a lot of ways: half-Asian, married young, likes fat guys, makes kimchi, and on and on.

Some things are OK to interrogate me about: the kimchi, for instance. But the closer it cuts to someone's identity, the less ok it is to ask invasive personal questions about it. I won't put up with anyone impugning my Asian-American credentials, and neither will I put up with persistent questioning about any other facets of my identity if they're coming from someone I don't know well and trust.

People who know me well enough will figure it out; it's written all over my husband, the way his big-boob preference is visible on my chest. Everyone else can stuff it.

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Hi. I'm an FA, twice over because I'm bi, I'm attracted to SSBBWS and SSBHMS. Hope you forgive me for "intruding". But I just had to put my two cents in on this.

AnnMarie is right on target. As an FA . I've received and still receive this type of questioning from co-workers, friends (new acquaintances) and on occasion family (very rare nowdays).

People have natural curiosities that sometimes get the better of them. In other words, they can take their line of questioning too far. They seem to be trying to psychoanalyze our preference in order to understand us better or as a means of trying to gauge how to "judge" us. Once you've been "judged", then it's decided how to "treat" you. This is done in varying ways and not everyone who does this is using it as a means of judgement. It's complicated to figure out which is which because ALL of it feels like you are being judged.

The real culprit is our society. We are suppose to be living in a democracy, a place where diversity is accepted, respected, cherished and encouraged. That's the perceived international concept.

In reality, we live in a hypocrisy, a place where diversity is declared all the while it's really put under a magnifying glass and analyzed like evidence at a crime scene investigation.

Non-FA's and Non-FFA's, who buy into the concept that there is really a socially acceptable "norm", have a hard time understanding anything that runs against the grain of that perception.

Right now we live in a world where at every turn it is being touted that "thin is in" and "has always been" and that anything else is just plain unacceptable, weird and even worse perverted. Having our attraction makes some people "uneasy"and "uncomfortable". They just don't get it. They find it hard to believe that anyone would really want to be with someone that maybe larger in size than themselves.

The reason for this type of thinking is that they don't see large people as people with feelings needs, desires, lives or attractability.

"Fat" people are suppose to be the "untouchables" of the world.

As FA's/FFA's, we make large people "touchable". We are displaying who we are to the world and the world doesn't like it. Our preference is seen as a "fetish", an "abnormality", a "deviation".

What AnnMarie was saying is that, what you have experienced is something that vocal, open, professed FA's encounter almost all the time. You may not feel that it is necessary to have to explain your preference or even defend it but, given the way things are now it is very important to educate the "curious".

Be open to it. Talk to the "curious" and even the misinformed. The more that information spreads and education is achieved, the more ignorance is diminshed. By all means that doesn't mean that you have to put up with daily B.S.. That's not acceptable under any circumstances.

You would be surprised at the countless number of times I have had full blown discussions, debates and friendly pow-wows about my preferences. Sometimes it seems pointless but at the same time there is progress, because there is always someone who comes back and says- " oh, I didn't think about it that way!" What seems easy to understand to us, just isn't for others.

** Sometimes it's fun to hear how absurd the way some people think. And sometimes it's not. Take it easy and keep your wits about you, it'll be alright at the end of the day because you'll go home to the person you love and you don't have to explain anything to him.

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Old 03-14-2007, 05:51 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BLUEeyedBanshee View Post

The questioning was very minimal today. However, he pointed out one of the men working in our building on the new boiler installation. He asked me if that guy'd be my type.

I took a good look at the guy, he was cute, and he was a big man. I said, yep, he's a hottie.

That was the end of the questioning for the day.
After everything I pointed out before I forgot to mention that there are some people who are just being friendly and want to "assist" with pointing out a nice "view-gasm", on occasion.

Sometimes this can be very annoying and other times it's welcomed. They want to connect with us as part of understanding us and our preference. They want to get a "feel" for what turns us on. However, if you find that to be a silly gesture then you should make a point of it to let this guy know that you don't appreciate him doing so. Remember to be nice about it.

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Old 03-14-2007, 06:45 AM   #17
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I remember the first time I met someone who liked feet. I didn't think it was weird, just different. I knew it was somewhat a common thing but I had all kinds of questions which I asked in firing fashion. (He was some guy online who dug my profile pictures so I felt free to dig through his drawers just like he was digging through mine) Seriously, he was a novelty for just a few moments. My ignorance was truly ignorance, I didn't know anything so since I had an in with him I started asking insipid questions in and attempt to understand some stuff. I even told him that I didnt mean to make him uncomfortable, I was just curious and he seemed a little edgy but otherwise ok with it.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that people are probably a little excited because they are seeing a real live FFA in the flesh and they're dying to ask you stuff. The novelty will wear off eventually and they will have most likely forgotten all about it once the new car smell has gone.
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Old 03-14-2007, 06:50 AM   #18
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I like that...the lack of new car smell.

I'm sure it'll wear off soon...
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Old 03-14-2007, 12:16 PM   #19
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Default Just my luck

New computer tech guy filled out paperwork today.

He's adorable. Big guy, broad shouldered, rounded belly, thick legs...so of course...nosey co-worker shows up, asks if I've met the new guy.

I tell him I have.

He asks if that'll be a distraction.

I said not at all...I'll kick my tower a few times next week when he starts, and request him to come fix it...then stand back and watch him crawl under my desk.

I am going to have fun with this.

In all seriousness, he is very cute, now I'm going to take a better approach with the curious one.
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Old 03-14-2007, 12:39 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by BLUEeyedBanshee View Post
...I'll kick my tower a few times next week when he starts, and request him to come fix it...then stand back and watch him crawl under my desk.
pst px plz thx. Sounds like you're having plenty of fun with this already! Careful playing with these folks though. If you open the door too much they will be in your business all the time.
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Old 03-14-2007, 01:00 PM   #21
BLUEeyedBanshee
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I will have to stealthily get pics and post them

I will be careful...don't need him in my business all the time, but I figure what the heck.
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Old 03-14-2007, 01:16 PM   #22
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i think Lilly is right.

By the same token, I wonder what people are REALLY interested in, once they've asked you the same question 12 times.

Sometimes I just smile and say: you seem really curious about this. Is there something you're not asking?



If there is, asking might elicit the right question. OR get them to realize they've asked enough.

It's something to think about if the questions don't stop.
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Old 03-14-2007, 02:28 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Jes View Post
i think Lilly is right.

By the same token, I wonder what people are REALLY interested in, once they've asked you the same question 12 times.

Sometimes I just smile and say: you seem really curious about this. Is there something you're not asking?
After I read this thread earlier, this same thought started growing in my head. I just came to post it, and found Jes beat me to it.


I'm thinking the same as Jes? Should I be scared?
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Old 03-14-2007, 02:46 PM   #24
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I'll be interested to see how he handles it when he asks about a big guy that you don't happen to find particularly attractive (maybe body is ok, but face is not your style, etc). I wonder if he gets it's a combination thing and not just any ol' big guy would catch your fancy as a "hottie" in total.

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Old 03-15-2007, 08:44 AM   #25
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That will be a fun one. I'm not sure he gets that part yet.
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