i'm so depressed

[xdeementedxdeemonx]

has anyone else out experienced losing a b/f coz of their weight?
mine left me 3 days ago...its because of my looks, i know that, and he sed he felt like i controlled him.....and he wouldnt ever sleep with me...
sigh, 2 years wasted.

[CurvyEm]

Well you look beautiful in your picture so if he did leave you because of your looks then he's a very silly guy indeed!

[Stealth]

Well, I think you'e quite the hottie from the pic so I doubt it was your looks.

Judging by your profile, you're probably more inteligent than him. They say some men don't like that..

FYI I lasted almost 2 years with Juanita before we slept together so although its a long time it may have been nothing.

[1300 Class]

Don't worry, things will get better! And yes, some people are total assholes regardless.

[Luvs2laff]

I think your signature says it all: how you see yourself is the most important thing. Don't let some jerk who doesn't like BBWs make you depressed; think instead of all the FAs out there who would be proud to have someone like you on their arm! You'll find Mr. Right one day, and all this will be but a distant memory.

[ZainTheInsane]

Okay, this is sorta related, but in my experience extremely weird.

Every girlfriend I've had who's gained weight, I've tried to be supportive when they get upset about their weight, and I've always told them they look fantastic to me, which honestly they do, because I'm into the whole weight gain thing.

Note: I didn't help or make them gain weight, girls just seem to expand around me, it is like...a curse...or a blessing, whichever you take it for.

Anyway, they always seem to want to leave because, 'They aren't good enough for me anymore.' Now I may be totally naive in believing that...but I try to fight against it, but apparently they have it set in their heads that a good looking guy (not trying to toot my own horn, just what I've been told) wouldn't want a girl who is chubby.

What is with that, it confuses the hell out of me. Maybe I'm just incredibly naive and there are other reasons I'm not seeing...but I've never been told anything else. In any case, I guess that's why I'm single now, is because I refuse to keep being told that by girls who I like being with. I hate being told I'm too good or too nice or too 'wonderful' for a girl to be with when I CHOSE to be with them in the first place.

ERKAGE!!!!

So, yeah...i've never experienced losing someone because of my weight...but I've been dumped because a girl apparently can't see herself with me after gaining some weight. ARGH!!!!!

[ZainTheInsane]

Originally Posted by xdeementedxdeemonx

has anyone else out experienced losing a b/f coz of their weight?
mine left me 3 days ago...its because of my looks, i know that, and he sed he felt like i controlled him.....and he wouldnt ever sleep with me...
sigh, 2 years wasted.

Now wait a minute...nothing is ever wasted...no matter how much it may seem that way. Life always has a reason, even if it seems cruel and hopeless. And honestly from what you look like in your picture, you look lovely. I doubt it is your looks, and if it was he was a very shallow person, or likes something very different.

As far as being controlling...I honestly wouldn't know...but if he saw it that way, it was his perception. Nobody can be controlled without letting themselves be that way. It is a choice, just like any other, and he chose what he did.

Now it is up to you, to chose to make this into a constructive/positive learning experience. Yeah, I know, it hurts...I know how you feel, believe me. But you can't let it get you down. You're worth more, to yourself, and to everyone who cares for you, than he could ever see. Keep going, live, and be happy. Cry if you must, eat some ice cream, wear sweats for a couple days, but afterwards, pull yourself back up by the boot straps and kick ass!

[TheSadeianLinguist]

Originally Posted by xdeementedxdeemonx

has anyone else out experienced losing a b/f coz of their weight?
mine left me 3 days ago...its because of my looks, i know that, and he sed he felt like i controlled him.....and he wouldnt ever sleep with me...
sigh, 2 years wasted.

You say you know it's because of your looks.

He says (according to you) it was a control issue.

Now, if it really WAS about looks (which is a different issue than weight, IMO), or weight, why wouldn't he say that? And if he can't openly say that in a two year relationship that there's no physical spark, well, the lack of physical attraction is small potatoes. Most people do not stay in long term relationships with people they find physically appalling.

I'm not trying to start a fight here...

Do you honestly believe the worst thing about is your weight?

You just got called controlling. That's a far worse thing than being called or perceived as fat. (I'm pretty controlling; I'm not judging.) If he lists a main reason for leaving you as you're too controlling, then maybe you owe it to yourself to at a good look at who you are as a person, not the number on the scale.

Now, it's really possible you're not that controlling and he's an immature guy who's not ready for a relationship.

That doesn't let you off the hook as far as self-analysis. The worst thing we as women can do to ourselves is write off rejection on our physical appearance.

[tonynyc]

You are an attractive BBW and it's 'his' loss. Time to find the right person that will appreciate and adore your qualities.

[TallFatSue]

Originally Posted by xdeementedxdeemonx

has anyone else out experienced losing a b/f coz of their weight?

Yes. More than once.

Bear with me because I haven't actively dated in 3 decades or so, but yes I lost a few boyfriends because of my weight. In high school and university in the 1970s, it was a major handicap to be a 6ft 350lb girl (I'm 450lb now). There were a few guys that I really seemed to feel that certain special something with, but they just couldn't come to terms with my size. It was either "You have such a pretty face, if only you lost weight." or "You're a nice girl but what would my friends and/or family think?" Maybe one advantage of my size was that if I had to be fat, it was good that I was really really fat. In retrospect it was good that the breakups after only a few dates, so I didn't waste too much time. Throw in a few boys who thought that fat girls were easy and just wanted a roll in the hay, or boys who were interested only in my fat. So, I got discouraged and figured that I would always be the big tall fat girl who made people laugh, and who had a lot of friends who were boys but never any truly serious boyfriends. I had become a friendly wise ass as a way to deal with my size in a society that wasn't exactly kind to fat people, and it worked pretty well as a defense mechanism. I laughed on the outside, but sometimes on the inside I was pretty doggone depressed.

Never say never, because one fine day in college Mr. Right turned up, disguised as Mr. Wrong. I was 20 then, and he was 18. Yes indeedy, Mr. Royal Pain-In-The-Ass was the younger brother of a university classmate, and he never failed to declare how just how big my ass was (e.g. worthy of a solar eclipse), as well as the rest of me. That jerk must have told me every fat joke he knew, and I couldn't get rid of him. What a minute! Couldn't get rid of him? Hmm, methinks he doth protest too much. So one fine day, after he remarked that I was so fat I had my own gravitational field, I triple dared him to take me on a date and behave like a perfect gentleman. To my horror, he accepted my challenge. To my delight, he treated me like a lady.

Well, I was so nervous on that first date that I had a truly impressive case of hiccups most of the evening, but somehow we had a great time. Then Art confessed that all those fat jokes were because he didn't like fat girls (gosh, really???) but nontheless he found himself very attracted to my friendly wise ass personality. The poor fool was falling in love with the fattest girl he ever met, and he just plain didn't know how to deal with my size. I resisted the temptation to break a table over his head (which might have also cured my hiccups), and said that I would help him learn to deal with my size if he was willing to learn. Art learned verrrry well. We were married a few years later, and our silver anniversary will be next month.

PS. One really bizarre legacy of our first date is that after all these years, whenever I get the hiccups, Art gets very turned on. Must be all my extra >HIC< bouncy >HICCUP< jiggles. Nice to know I still have the magic.

[ZainTheInsane]

Originally Posted by TallFatSue

Yes. More than once.

Bear with me because I haven't actively dated in 3 decades or so, but yes I lost a few boyfriends because of my weight. In high school and university in the 1970s, it was a major handicap to be a 6ft 350lb girl (I'm 450lb now). There were a few guys that I really seemed to feel that certain special something with, but they just couldn't come to terms with my size. It was either "You have such a pretty face, if only you lost weight." or "You're a nice girl but what would my friends and/or family think?" Maybe one advantage of my size was that if I had to be fat, it was good that I was really really fat. In retrospect it was good that the breakups after only a few dates, so I didn't waste too much time. Throw in a few boys who thought that fat girls were easy and just wanted a roll in the hay, or boys who were interested only in my fat. So, I got discouraged and figured that I would always be the big tall fat girl who made people laugh, and who had a lot of friends who were boys but never any truly serious boyfriends. I had become a friendly wise ass as a way to deal with my size in a society that wasn't exactly kind to fat people, and it worked pretty well as a defense mechanism. I laughed on the outside, but sometimes on the inside I was pretty doggone depressed.

Never say never, because one fine day in college Mr. Right turned up, disguised as Mr. Wrong. I was 20 then, and he was 18. Yes indeedy, Mr. Royal Pain-In-The-Ass was the younger brother of a university classmate, and he never failed to declare how just how big my ass was (e.g. worthy of a solar eclipse), as well as the rest of me. That jerk must have told me every fat joke he knew, and I couldn't get rid of him. What a minute! Couldn't get rid of him? Hmm, methinks he doth protest too much. So one fine day, after he remarked that I was so fat I had my own gravitational field, I triple dared him to take me on a date and behave like a perfect gentleman. To my horror, he accepted my challenge. To my delight, he treated me like a lady.

Well, I was so nervous on that first date that I had a truly impressive case of hiccups most of the evening, but somehow we had a great time. Then Art confessed that all those fat jokes were because he didn't like fat girls (gosh, really???) but nontheless he found himself very attracted to my friendly wise ass personality. The poor fool was falling in love with the fattest girl he ever met, and he just plain didn't know how to deal with my size. I resisted the temptation to break a table over his head (which might have also cured my hiccups), and said that I would help him learn to deal with my size if he was willing to learn. Art learned verrrry well. We were married a few years later, and our silver anniversary will be next month.

PS. One really bizarre legacy of our first date is that after all these years, whenever I get the hiccups, Art gets very turned on. Must be all my extra >HIC< bouncy >HICCUP< jiggles. Nice to know I still have the magic.

lol, that is one of the coolest and most romantically weird stories I've ever heard. Awesome!

[TallFatSue]

Originally Posted by ZainTheInsane

lol, that is one of the coolest and most romantically weird stories I've ever heard. Awesome!

Yes, Art & I have always maintained that ours was a romance out of a screwball comedy. The utterly goofy nature of some of it has helped make our marriage even stronger, because we went through so much together. But I won't hold my breath and expect Hollywood to make a romantic comedy out of our lives. Too bizarre, and besides, the love story of a big tall fat woman and a nerdy engineer isn't exactly a box office bonanza.

Scene: Sue and Art approach a restaurant table.
Sue: "Take a good look at that table and guesstimate whether my big fat ass, which you have been squeezing for half an hour, will fit into that chair. Extra credit if you find a table that fits me -- now!"
Art quickly takes Sue to a booth where she has plenty of space for her butt and belly. However hiliarity unsues as Sue gets the hiccups, and Art stutters like an idiot trying not to stare too obviously at her huge breasts as she hiccups and bounces every 5 seconds.

Scene: Sue and Art make out in his car. Art fondles Sue's huge belly.
Sue: "What are you doing?"
Art: "I want to get to know all of you."
Sue: "Good answer!" (cue romantic music)

Anyway, I mention this because obesity has taught me to think creatively and independently, and recognize that love (and indeed many of life's major opportunities) can come when you least expect it. Shakespeare wrote that "the course of true love never did run smooth" and for some of us the road is a lot rockier than others. Sometimes it's hard to do, but walk tall with a smile on your face and a bounce in your step, and it wouldn't surprise me if some day the right guy takes notice.

[JMNYC]

Be gentle with yourself, my friend...3 days out of two years is a brand new wound.

I remember how shattered I was when my fiance and I broke up, how lost I was, not sure of anything including my own worth. But at the same time there was an utter excitement about life---the possibilities---the adventures to be had---and how being single forced me to come out of my shell and be with people again. Be with them all by myself, without the relationship.

Very scary and very fun, and a very rich time.

Very soon after, I had a date that lasted 16 hours. I've been with that date 10 years now, and married her 5 years ago.

You don't know what's around the corner. Use this time to really be with you, and polish and hone yourself so the next guy who comes around is smart enough to know what he's found.

As for your looks, ehh...you know, my ex liked tall blond guys, and I liked shorter, fatter women.

You and he breaking up frees both of you to be with more appropriate partners.

(((hugs)))