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Old 04-18-2007, 05:49 PM   #276
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"The fact is that a woman who is already say...400 lbs. has no interest to a gain admirer unless she'll gain to 500 or something...but if I was 250 and said I'd gain to 400 it would drive them wild. It doesn't seem to be the fact of how large she already is, but how large she'll expand to be as they watch."

Herein lies the basic problem IMO Once you move this fantasy into real life situations it seems that in order for it to continue to be satisfying the feedee would have to continue to gain. Once she stops it is a buzz kill. If she doesn't stop her health is jeopardized at some point.

So you meet the feeder of your dreams and over three years you gain to 400lbs. This is the goal you both agreed upon but once you are there you lose his interest. He did not really want a 400 lb woman, he wanted a woman who gains and you are no longer her. So what than? Either you continue to gain to keep his interest or he feels unfulfilled. Can't see this as a winning situation.

I also found it very interesting that Heather mentioned she thought she would feel fat enough at 300lbs, but instead found she did not. What if it never is enough? That the fantasy just can't be fulfilled?

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Old 04-19-2007, 12:19 AM   #277
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interesting post Brenda, i think that the question is one only answered when you reach the spot, and for some, i guess the thrill must continue....

i can't say i have ever tried to gain, my body took care of itself that way already, but i sure have to admit that i think often when i come here about the people who are so young, and so beautiful......gaining...and i wonder, how they will feel at my age...and i am always left with a profound sadness...everyone i know that is my age and ssfat...EVERYONE has some degree of issues with mobility and pain...

I don't know about you all, but i never asked for or thought i would get....that....
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Old 04-19-2007, 01:14 AM   #278
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Originally Posted by SlackerFA View Post
As I've said before, I think part of the problem with the online encourager community is that most of the guys repress their encouraging and their FA-ism in their everyday lives, so when they meet a female gainer who's not an obvious fake, all gates open at once and the fantasy comes flooding out in a scary torrent.
This is such a great point. If you spend your life suppressing what you know to be your real attraction and your real desires, the first time you get a chance to let it out you're suddenly all atwitter totally overwhelmed by the newness of being able to even talk about it. And really, who wouldn't be that way? It doesn't mean that you're always a slobbering maniac.

It's analogous to the kid who grows up ugly (subjective, but you know what i mean), and doesn't even approach others all through school. When other people are dating, she isn't. But she gets to college, and suddenly she's hot, and ohmygodwow starts going out and "expressing" herself, ifyouknowwhatimeanandithinkthatyoudo. She wants to try everything and is intense and passionate in her newfound freedom. And maybe that comes across a little strongly but HAVE YOU SEEN what you can do OH MY GOD ! WOW everything is amazing and sexy!!

Eventually that initial burst of exploration relaxes, and you're able to settle in to who you are and explore your sexuality comfortably and without self-judgment.

I mean, not that I would know anything about growing up like that. I just pulled that example out of the air.
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Old 04-19-2007, 02:16 AM   #279
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interesting post Brenda, i think that the question is one only answered when you reach the spot, and for some, i guess the thrill must continue....

i can't say i have ever tried to gain, my body took care of itself that way already, but i sure have to admit that i think often when i come here about the people who are so young, and so beautiful......gaining...and i wonder, how they will feel at my age...and i am always left with a profound sadness...everyone i know that is my age and ssfat...EVERYONE has some degree of issues with mobility and pain...

I don't know about you all, but i never asked for or thought i would get....that....
Slightly off topic, but related to what you are saying SocialbFly... I've always wanted to start a thread on this subject, but never quite knew how to approach it...

I've always wondered what the "naturally fat" people (the ones who gained weight naturally, presumably against their desire to do so...) think of the people who are making a conscious choice to gain weight (or engage in having a partner gain weight...) Especially the people who grew to a point where they have physical discomfort. I can see them wondering why someone would want to purposely gain weight and risk the mobility issues.

I myself can relate to thin(er) people who want to gain weight, maybe for erotic purposes; maybe like myself so I'm not so "boney" in appearance. I have never been very large (I'm 190ish at the moment), I have the presumption that I can loose the weight if I get to a point where I begin having health problems (but as LillyBBBW said earlier... once you have health problems, it may be too late...) I've found as a FA that "naturally fat" people (as defined above) tend to treat thin FAs with more suspicion, and seem to question their motives more quickly than a fat (or plump) FA.

I just wonder if there is a dynamic here where the "naturally fat" people are generally the ones against "feeders" because of experiences (or fears) that they have being fat, and maybe not being able to control their weight? Or if there is naiveté on the part of the thinner people about the possible consequences of making themselves fat (or a perception of naiveté by the "naturally fat" people upon the thin gainers).

I have been told a few times by fat people that I "don't know what it's like being fat!". I like to think that I do, but maybe I don't?

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Old 04-19-2007, 03:09 AM   #280
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Default hi all

Iam new user on dimensions i live in switzerland and not ssbbw

the bbw and ssbbw this very beautiful continue is supersize sorry for my english

Iam fa feedee and foodee iam fan of fat i like really

and the food its sensual

its my first conversation so have nice day at all

and bigger is better always forever

cyril
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Old 04-19-2007, 09:42 AM   #281
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Ahhhh, so this is under the guise that by dating a fat woman you are somehow choosing a path of destruction that will eventually lead to your own peril. Say, you can't get promoted at work 'cause your wife is fat. You'll get harassed 'cause your wife is fat. For the sake of your future and standing in the community bla bla bla you should avoid fat people at all costs if you know what's good for you. In essence you desire something that will place limits upon your 'mobility' in the fast paced world of the movers and shakers therefore you should resist this desire and seek counseling immediately. You must be insane to want this.

By limiting another's freedom to choose their poison we in a sense limit our own freedom to do the same via the same argument.
I think the point Jay made is very important. In today's society, acts such as smoking and unhealthy eating are becoming more and more socially unacceptable as the cost of medical care become higher and the burden on the taxpayers increases So, more and more, people resent those who are perceived as having brought on their ill health by irresponsible actions. And unfortunately, the average person still perceives fat people as being at least partially responsible for their size and resultant health problems that may be related to it. The FA who professes his desire to be with a very fat person is then opened up to similar criticism/judgement regarding the practical issues around this reality. So the judgement of the FA by others in general society is very much analogous to the judgement of the feeders that goes on in this community. Jay has nailed it.
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Old 04-19-2007, 09:51 AM   #282
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I hope it's alright that i'm just responding to the original question...

I guess I have always felt that weight gain can be very harmful. Beyond anything physical, it can emotionally scar you, and I believe that is the most traumatizing aspect of it. I think about the prospect of weight gain constantly, and though it intrigues me and I find it highly erotic, I find too many cons to actually engage in gaining myself. Being that it is taboo to be immobile or very large, I can only imagine how one may feel ostricised and cut off from the world. That to me, is the most damaging part of being a feedee. I guess I just can't see finding happiness in lying in a bed all day. But to be diplomatic, I suppose that's a personal matter.
Perhaps my apprehension stems from my sensitivity which causes me to over-think everything. I guess what I'm trying to verbalize is the prospect of depleting ones image of themselves, both mind and body. I truly believe that beauty and worth comes in all sizes, but it's important that one believes that of themselves, and getting to the point where you truly are unable to function would, in my opinion, put a damper on your self worth.
One thing to remember is that when talking about 'immobility' there are varying degrees and there are various ways of dealing with limitations that may be caused by extreme weight. Just because someone is 'immobile' doesn't mean they will necessarily be bedbound. It could be someone who is fat enough that they have trouble walking very far so uses a scooter or wheelchair to get around. But in that case the individual will have to put up with the response of others to them when out in public, which as has been discussed here and other places, can be very difficult and only gets worse as a person gets bigger. I suppose, many people in that situation may become homebound by choice not wanting to have to deal with the cruelty of society anymore.
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Old 04-19-2007, 10:27 AM   #283
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It's analogous to the kid who grows up ugly (subjective, but you know what i mean), and doesn't even approach others all through school. When other people are dating, she isn't. But she gets to college, and suddenly she's hot, and ohmygodwow starts going out and "expressing" herself, ifyouknowwhatimeanandithinkthatyoudo. She wants to try everything and is intense and passionate in her newfound freedom. And maybe that comes across a little strongly but HAVE YOU SEEN what you can do OH MY GOD ! WOW everything is amazing and sexy!!
Or like the FA who finally works up the nerve to go to his first BBW dance.

Not that I'm thinking of anyone specific, either...
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Old 04-19-2007, 11:00 AM   #284
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This is such a great point. If you spend your life suppressing what you know to be your real attraction and your real desires, the first time you get a chance to let it out you're suddenly all atwitter totally overwhelmed by the newness of being able to even talk about it. And really, who wouldn't be that way? It doesn't mean that you're always a slobbering maniac.

It's analogous to the kid who grows up ugly (subjective, but you know what i mean), and doesn't even approach others all through school. When other people are dating, she isn't. But she gets to college, and suddenly she's hot, and ohmygodwow starts going out and "expressing" herself, ifyouknowwhatimeanandithinkthatyoudo. She wants to try everything and is intense and passionate in her newfound freedom. And maybe that comes across a little strongly but HAVE YOU SEEN what you can do OH MY GOD ! WOW everything is amazing and sexy!!

Eventually that initial burst of exploration relaxes, and you're able to settle in to who you are and explore your sexuality comfortably and without self-judgment.

I mean, not that I would know anything about growing up like that. I just pulled that example out of the air.
I was similar to that when I first started going to bbw dances. I tried the promiscuous thing and it went over like a lead balloon, just not me. But I had the most impressive collecton of see through, short, tight clothes, high heels, glitter spray, false eyelashes and funky hats and wigs anywhere. It was like RuPaul threw out all her old clothes and platforms and they all landed in my suitcase. I just wanted to have fun being The Diva and it *was* fun. I dunno what happend though, I seem to have run out of gas now. But I was all about the dances and making a grand entrance at each one in a new outfit. Looking back now I must have been obnoxious.
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Old 04-19-2007, 12:32 PM   #285
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I was similar to that when I first started going to bbw dances. I tried the promiscuous thing and it went over like a lead balloon, just not me. But I had the most impressive collecton of see through, short, tight clothes, high heels, glitter spray, false eyelashes and funky hats and wigs anywhere. It was like RuPaul threw out all her old clothes and platforms and they all landed in my suitcase. I just wanted to have fun being The Diva and it *was* fun. I dunno what happend though, I seem to have run out of gas now. But I was all about the dances and making a grand entrance at each one in a new outfit. Looking back now I must have been obnoxious.
I bet you were awesome!
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Old 04-19-2007, 12:35 PM   #286
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I bet you were awesome!
I agree, I always thought the spirited gals were the best.
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Old 04-19-2007, 01:03 PM   #287
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I think the point Jay made is very important. In today's society, acts such as smoking and unhealthy eating are becoming more and more socially unacceptable as the cost of medical care become higher and the burden on the taxpayers increases So, more and more, people resent those who are perceived as having brought on their ill health by irresponsible actions. And unfortunately, the average person still perceives fat people as being at least partially responsible for their size and resultant health problems that may be related to it. The FA who professes his desire to be with a very fat person is then opened up to similar criticism/judgement regarding the practical issues around this reality. So the judgement of the FA by others in general society is very much analogous to the judgement of the feeders that goes on in this community. Jay has nailed it.

Thanks Waldo!

Honestly, I was indirectly alluding to the social consequences that arise for both FA's and feedees to act out their desires, but there is another point I was trying more directly to make that I left underdeveloped that is central to my point.

Gaining, like dating fat women, is totally irrational. In truth, sexuality is the overriding variable in both situations. In other words, if I didn't have a sexual wiring, would I date fat women because it was more practical? No, I doubt it. Honestly, there are so many "reasons" why it is not a good idea to seek out a fat partner. However, I DO date fat women. Why? Because it sends all the right chemicals to my brain when I see or touch a fat woman. All of the sudden my sexuality makes the "illogical" seem very logical. *chuckles*

Let's look at a commonly accepted example. Truthfully, this sexuality-overriding-logic HAS to be why women date men. Look at us. There many good reasons to date men. We're obnoxious, gross, loud, brutish, less intelligent, spend money on expensive toys and we start lots of wars. We're really rather expensive to keep around just for opening jars of pickles. With modern advances in cloning and artificial sperm, it only makes sense for women to invent a mechanical pickle jar-opener and stay as far away from men as possible. But they don't. Why? That thing that screws up "logic" called sexuality. *pauses to thank the heavens*

So, returning to my primary point, I don't date fat women because it's the strategically logical life decision. I date them because I love it. It stimulates me, it makes me feel like I'm doing what I was designed to do. I want to do it within the most calculated and considerate way possible, totally thoughtful of health, wealth, and freedom, but fully live out the blessing of my sexuality nonetheless.

Likewise, if I see it fair to make a decision to date fat women for sexual reasons--overriding the trusted advice that I'm choosing "unhealth over health"--then how can I see it fair to claim a woman shouldn't gain weight for her own sexual reasons? Especially if she is doing it in a way carefully conscientious of her own health and freedom, how can I tell her she's perverse because--being that it doesn't turn me on--this "doesn't seem to make any sense to me?"

So, thus my thoughts and self reflections.
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Old 04-19-2007, 08:11 PM   #288
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In response to Jay and Waldo...

I completely agree with you in terms of "it just feels right". In no way am I knocking the preference, or how it makes you feel...It makes me feel the same way, BELIEVE me, lol. I definitely advocate for happiness. Thus, I suppose that's where my apprehension appears; I question how happy one can really be when their mobility is truly compromised. I'm not talking about getting out of breath or not wanting to walk for long periods of time, I'm talking about when your stuck in your home, reliant on someone else for one reason or another. That, to me, is the "immobility" that I fear is an end that will not justify the means.
I think experimenting with food in sexual ways can be really arousing, as can be weight gain. I just don't know about it when it gets to a certain point of no return...
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Old 04-20-2007, 05:19 AM   #289
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In response to Jay and Waldo...

I completely agree with you in terms of "it just feels right". In no way am I knocking the preference, or how it makes you feel...It makes me feel the same way, BELIEVE me, lol. I definitely advocate for happiness. Thus, I suppose that's where my apprehension appears; I question how happy one can really be when their mobility is truly compromised. I'm not talking about getting out of breath or not wanting to walk for long periods of time, I'm talking about when your stuck in your home, reliant on someone else for one reason or another. That, to me, is the "immobility" that I fear is an end that will not justify the means.
I think experimenting with food in sexual ways can be really arousing, as can be weight gain. I just don't know about it when it gets to a certain point of no return...
I believe that the fact that 'it just feels right or natural' for FAs to be with a fat partner, means it is not a preference but an inborn orientation. Why make this distinction, you ask. Because, as Jay pointed out, it seems irrational to be an FA, and the term preference to me suggests a conscious decision to choose one path over another. The only choice an FA really faces is to follow his/her natural inclination or to repress those desires and conform to society. This has been discussed on this board before, but I feel it is important enough that it bears repeating.

As far as the immobility versus limited mobility issue, what I was trying to describe was someone who cannot walk for more than a few feet at a time as opposed to not wanting to do so. Such a person is not homebound but faces significant limitations somewhat like a paraplegic might. However, the fat person is likely to meet with scorn from society while the paraplegic will generally receive sympathy (which could be perceived by said paraplegic as pity and lead to its own issues).

There isn't necessarily a 'point of no return' with weight gain, but the concern is the vicious cycle of reduced mobility, leading to reduced calorie usage, leading to potential for increased fat storage, further reduced mobility, etc. And there is certainly no doubt that for the large majority of people getting the weight off, and more importantly keeping the weight off long term, is a significant challenge that should not be underestimated. .
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Old 04-21-2007, 05:51 AM   #290
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I typed out a great response to this and then accidentally hit the BACK button and lost it all. I HATE when that happens. I got so mad I just said f*%k it, I quit. I'm going to try again today but trust me, yesterday's response was way better - I coulda got an award.

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"The fact is that a woman who is already say...400 lbs. has no interest to a gain admirer unless she'll gain to 500 or something...but if I was 250 and said I'd gain to 400 it would drive them wild. It doesn't seem to be the fact of how large she already is, but how large she'll expand to be as they watch."

Herein lies the basic problem IMO Once you move this fantasy into real life situations it seems that in order for it to continue to be satisfying the feedee would have to continue to gain. Once she stops it is a buzz kill. If she doesn't stop her health is jeopardized at some point.

So you meet the feeder of your dreams and over three years you gain to 400lbs. This is the goal you both agreed upon but once you are there you lose his interest. He did not really want a 400 lb woman, he wanted a woman who gains and you are no longer her. So what than? Either you continue to gain to keep his interest or he feels unfulfilled. Can't see this as a winning situation.
Love is a many splendered thing. I've seen people stay with lovers who drank, ones who beat on them, ones who cheat on them and one's who did all three. It's not healthy and I don't recommend it but love will make you do things you never thought you'd do. You'll put up with crap you swore on your soul you would NEVER put up with I don't care how big and bad you think you are. As for the rabid tube swinging greeder feeders I suspect that they will do whatever it is they have to do to preserve the life of the person they love and can't live without, I don't care if she dwindles down to 114 pounds. He'll bug the hell out of you in chat but he's not leaving his wife and he's not going to touch her with a ten foot tube.

As for the others, if that guy leaves it would be the best thing that ever happened to that woman even if she's covered in head to toe bedsores and can't even reach back and scratch her own ass. Good riddance to him. With him gone she is forced to seek help. Those are the times you read the blurbs in the paper about some woman being removed from her home through a hole in the wall and taken by tractor to a hospital. As awful and disturbing as that sounds these incidents are rare which is both a blessing and a curse. There are barely any facilities in place to help someone like this and no place feels the need to even plan for it because it is so, so rare. It's not worth the expense and would be fiscally irresponsible with so many other things a city/state needs to put their attention on. Even the worst case scenario of needing that is better than having a greeder feeder bent on feeding stay. Unfortunately the situation will go on till they pull the sheet over his victim's head and call the time of death.

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Originally Posted by Brenda View Post
I also found it very interesting that Heather mentioned she thought she would feel fat enough at 300lbs, but instead found she did not. What if it never is enough? That the fantasy just can't be fulfilled?

Brenda
I don't have an abundance of mirrors in my apartment. I have one cheapo full length on the back of my bedroom door that I look in quickly before I head out, otherwise I'm not up on things. I know I've gained weight through natural causes but never really gave it much of a look. Every now and then though I will stay in a hotel that has a closet with sliding glass mirrored doors by the bed. I recall sitting there in front of one and being mesmerized. I *could not* take my eyes away. I had a roommate with me and was trying not to appear like a crazed self absorbed vanity freak but I couldn't help it. I kept looking at my shoulders, my cleavage, my calves, my thighs and belly. I wanted to try stuff on, change positions on the bed. I loved the way everything bounced around whenever I struggled to change position on the bed and to me it looked so soft. I was nearly giddy. To me I looked radiant, healthy, full of life - my skin was pristine and glowing. I was flexing my toes and watching how the muscles contracted in my lower legs and seeing how the fat tightened and dimpled in my upper thighs. I was loving the changes and where everything had gone and mildly wondering.... what if?

I'm not an active gainer and my desires are mild compared to many others but even I was thinking about more. One day someone may say, "Lilly, you've got one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel. You better have your breasts removed/stomach stapled/ass plugged up/teeth yanked out or you're a gonner." I suppose I will do what I have to do but I'll still lose my sense of propriety if I pass by a mirror and see my ass has gotten bigger or my falsies make me look like a whole person again. There's nothing I can do about it. I'm guessing that I will be wired this way till the day they pull the sheet over my head.
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Old 04-22-2007, 05:04 AM   #291
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I typed out a great response to this and then accidentally hit the BACK button and lost it all. I HATE when that happens. I got so mad I just said f*%k it, I quit. I'm going to try again today but trust me, yesterday's response was way better - I coulda got an award.



Love is a many splendered thing. I've seen people stay with lovers who drank, ones who beat on them, ones who cheat on them and one's who did all three. It's not healthy and I don't recommend it but love will make you do things you never thought you'd do. You'll put up with crap you swore on your soul you would NEVER put up with I don't care how big and bad you think you are. As for the rabid tube swinging greeder feeders I suspect that they will do whatever it is they have to do to preserve the life of the person they love and can't live without, I don't care if she dwindles down to 114 pounds. He'll bug the hell out of you in chat but he's not leaving his wife and he's not going to touch her with a ten foot tube.

As for the others, if that guy leaves it would be the best thing that ever happened to that woman even if she's covered in head to toe bedsores and can't even reach back and scratch her own ass. Good riddance to him. With him gone she is forced to seek help. Those are the times you read the blurbs in the paper about some woman being removed from her home through a hole in the wall and taken by tractor to a hospital. As awful and disturbing as that sounds these incidents are rare which is both a blessing and a curse. There are barely any facilities in place to help someone like this and no place feels the need to even plan for it because it is so, so rare. It's not worth the expense and would be fiscally irresponsible with so many other things a city/state needs to put their attention on. Even the worst case scenario of needing that is better than having a greeder feeder bent on feeding stay. Unfortunately the situation will go on till they pull the sheet over his victim's head and call the time of death.



I don't have an abundance of mirrors in my apartment. I have one cheapo full length on the back of my bedroom door that I look in quickly before I head out, otherwise I'm not up on things. I know I've gained weight through natural causes but never really gave it much of a look. Every now and then though I will stay in a hotel that has a closet with sliding glass mirrored doors by the bed. I recall sitting there in front of one and being mesmerized. I *could not* take my eyes away. I had a roommate with me and was trying not to appear like a crazed self absorbed vanity freak but I couldn't help it. I kept looking at my shoulders, my cleavage, my calves, my thighs and belly. I wanted to try stuff on, change positions on the bed. I loved the way everything bounced around whenever I struggled to change position on the bed and to me it looked so soft. I was nearly giddy. To me I looked radiant, healthy, full of life - my skin was pristine and glowing. I was flexing my toes and watching how the muscles contracted in my lower legs and seeing how the fat tightened and dimpled in my upper thighs. I was loving the changes and where everything had gone and mildly wondering.... what if?

I'm not an active gainer and my desires are mild compared to many others but even I was thinking about more. One day someone may say, "Lilly, you've got one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel. You better have your breasts removed/stomach stapled/ass plugged up/teeth yanked out or you're a gonner." I suppose I will do what I have to do but I'll still lose my sense of propriety if I pass by a mirror and see my ass has gotten bigger or my falsies make me look like a whole person again. There's nothing I can do about it. I'm guessing that I will be wired this way till the day they pull the sheet over my head.
Damn it, I can't give Reputation points! But, great post Lilly!
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Old 04-22-2007, 06:25 AM   #292
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Default duplicate post- my apologies

I'm sure this is a volation of some rule (sorry, Ann Marie!). I originally posted this on Emma's thread, but it looks like it is relevant here also.

Any subject as sensitive as this needs discussion, and this forum is one of the few places where this can happen.

There is always a hazard with “single theme” relationships. Let’s assume a couple shares a passion for kayaking. They kayak whenever and wherever they can, kayaking dominates their discussions, all their friends kayak. For some reason- injury, health issues, or loss of interest- one partner no longer can kayak or desires to kayak. The relationship dissolves because the one common thread holding it together has been broken. If a long-term relationship is to survive there must be multiple and diverse shared interests.

Feederism cannot go on forever in a relationship. Just as there is no such thing as infinite weight loss, there also cannot be infinite weight gain. At some point a limit is reached, and where does the relationship go from there? Hopefully there are other shared interests and the relationship continues to develop. But if weight gain is the dominant theme, with few or no other facets to the relationship, then the relationship is doomed, and very likely with someone being emotionally hurt.

What consenting adults do is between them and nobody else’s business. If two people want to engage in gaining activity that’s their business and their right. The key, of course, is mutual consent and understanding especially if feeding is a key component to the relationship. If the feedee decides that he or she no longer wants to gain, then there is no consent for continued weight gain, and the dynamic of the relationship has changed. There has to be a discussion and consensus between the couple on what will happen when this point is reached, and the discussion has to take place before it’s reached.

Any relationship needs to have some thought about the future. Five years seems like a huge length of time to many people, but it goes by so fast. If a couple is serious about the relationship, they need to discuss where they will be a year from now, five years from now.

Finally- ( I can hear you screaming “won’t this guy shut up?”)- Feederism cannot be generalized into “good” or “evil” categories; the spectrum and intensity ranges too widely (no pun intended). Most people are put off by extremes and feederism is no exception. (At what point does more fat merely become more fat?) Yet this thread has demonstrated it is possible to have a meaningful discussion on the topic. Most of us participate in these boards because the prevailing culture is intensely hostile to the concept of fat people being esthetically attractive. For the most part, we are here to share our feeling that fat is not “ugly”, and is, for us, pleasurable- a premise that meets with scorn and derision in our current culture. Feederism, mild or extreme, for good or for ill is a part of the fat esthetic culture; it’s counterpart in “mainstream” society is deliberate weight loss to achieve the “ideal” figure- and it’s extreme manifestation (anorexia) is as abhorrent as feeding to immobility and/or illness. Discussion and dialogue is valuable because it may help avoid the extremes.
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Old 06-14-2007, 12:55 PM   #293
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I'm a FA and a mild feeder, nothing serious. Sometimes, I wish I NEVER had that feeding fetish because I don't want to hurt a woman with too much weight gain. I can never understand why it came up in the first place. I'm happy being a FA, but not the feeding part. I've tried to find ways to get away from that feeling, it seems it's part of me and it will never go away. It's like that fetish is chasing after me and I can't get away from it. It's not fun sometimes, I can feel very sad about that.

Have anyone successfully kept the feeding fetish behind for years? Who knows?
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Old 06-15-2007, 03:10 AM   #294
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I got her for you Etobicoke. That was a grand post she made.
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Old 06-15-2007, 12:47 PM   #295
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Trying to defend or explain feeders/feedees (and/or people of whatever term you'd like to apply) seems so silly to me. I get that there are social and even legal implications that may seem mysterious, but I maintain that that is pretty typical of sexuality--period. Or are we not still fighting about gay marriage? Was that issue solved while I was asleep? Aren't there still people fighting about how damaging that is to people, to society, etc? People get so hung up on the sexuality of others--needing to define and understand things just to make them seem safe.

Of course people shouldn't abuse their spouses. Of course people should be responsible for their own bodies and actions. I somehow get the feeling if some dude was cutting off his oxygen for the purposes of a mind blowing orgasm and did some damage to his brain, he'd have an easier time getting assistance than a fat person--even if the fat person DIDN'T gain intentionally. It's all about stigma and what scares people the most on the whole.

I've made no secret that I have feedee tendencies--I won't label myself with anything because I'm a human being with complex joys/sexuality/emotions etc. It's too hard to give it one word. I've always found it to be so when it comes to my sexuality. I can't claim to be heterosexual, I can't claim to be homosexual, and I can't claim to be bisexual--the object of my affection has never been another person's gender or sex. Similarly, I can't honestly claim to be a feedee. However, gaining a bit here and there is exciting for me and fantasies of even greater gain are exciting for me. They just are. I can't explain it or justify it and why do I have to just because it isn't the norm?

It's like Lilly said, love makes people do crazy things, and like Jay said, sex makes people do crazy things (I'm paraphrasing here).

I don't ever want to be immobile--in fact LONG before I realized that I have gainer/feedee tendencies, one of my biggest fears was immobility--not because there's a social stigma, not because I give two shits if you approve or not, not because I'm worried it won't be covered as a disability, but because MY OWN JOY WOULD BE COMPROMISED. I find joy in getting up and doing whatever the hell I want--even if it's grabbing a burger (or 3). I find joy in chasing my nephews. I find joy in reaching my own hoo-ha and in all kinds of other actions that require mobility and flexibility. This is my choice, acknowledging that makes it hard for me to attempt to deny others of their choices. Even if I don't understand them.
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Old 06-15-2007, 09:50 PM   #296
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Rebecca- GOOD!!!
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Old 06-16-2007, 07:26 AM   #297
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Well said Rebecca!
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Old 06-17-2007, 05:04 AM   #298
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5:46 am and no sleep... How about I express my opinion?

If I remember correctly, I heard the term feederism for the first time about 2000ish: Back when I was in the closet. It was somewhat interesting to me in the beginning. I must say it intrigued me.

I was never one to really consider it abuse, but it wasn't something I thought I could ever get into. Food acts as a good aphrodisiac, but the time for teh sexin' and foreplay were the only times I deemed valid periods to use that. Not that I've done it yet (Dial V for Virgin), but sometimes I have random thoughts.

I can't say the time when I realized that the majority of the time the relationships are mutual, but when I found out: My opinion became more positive of it. It got to the point that I actually thought about weight gain on a fantasy level. I never thought to myself that I could aid the initiation of such things (Whether it was mutual or not), but I did sometimes feel that had I been with a woman that gained weight, I would probably enjoy it. I was into the idea of weight gain for quite a long time. I wasn't one to speak of it, however: I was still in the closet after all.

In the middle of the closet, I began thinking about society's loving relationship with larger people. I got sick of the insulting, I got sick of the "Thiness=Perfection" ideal that was being pushed into our faces, and I began thinking of the view that I still hold dear to my heart: Society is depraved. I've never been fat in my life (Though I did get insults from my rather thin peers even though the BMI chart [Yes I know how much it sucks] said I was average weight), but I carried Size Acceptance with me on my way out of the closet. I didn't carry feederism, but I still recognize it as something that was somewhat of an allied movement in what I was believing in.

Later down the line I learned more about. I soon realized the goals are different for each person, the type of relationships are different, and I finally realized how high the percentage is of the relationship being mutual. That's all I needed to approve of the majority of it.

When I got out of the closet, I still carried the fantasy weight gain idea in my head until I started to deal with models, and larger female friends that intended to lose weight. I grew out of it, and no I don't think that feederism is marked by weight loss hatred/thin hatred. It was what I perceived as being open-ended that made me change.

Then I moved on to the brigade period : I realized that FAs commonly have different opinions on things that concern what they believe in, and I realized feeders were the same, but that didn't change the fact that I recognized the majority of them as being allies.

I've always known that feederism was different from what I have, but later down the line I thought it was a counter (Well I think Fat Admiration is a counter, but feederism is like a complete reversal) to what society preached. I didn't advocate it, but it was always something I thought was perfectly fine in my book.
SlackerFA made me realize that Fat Admiration is more complex than being either a preference, requirement, or even a fetish (I still don't know how it can be a fetish [Unless it's something that is just done on occasion], but I think it's valid to say that is possible). I also realized that feederism is the same. On a base level I consider it to be somewhere between a fetish and a lifestyle which I think is perfectly fine when mutual.

I think about it on occasion (Due to societal and community confusion on the difference between Fat Admiration and Feederism [And how in some people they overlap]):

I realize NAAFA has already stated that it doesn't approve of it, which then I ask questions to myself like: If weight loss is so dissapproved by the Fat Acceptance movement, why wouldn't the opposite be any different? Skip the numbers and the state of being fat: Would that not go against it as well? It is change for value after all. But of course that questioned is pWned times infinity by the mutual part. I go across the net too much to not realize that many people share similar views.

If it isn't mutual: Hmmmm....I'm not a fan of the pressure (And/or aid of weight gain [Especailly with the whole thin hatred/weight loss hatred thing... That really grinds my gears]) when the person has openly disagreed (Or the person who is doing the pressuring doesn't know their opinion of the whole thing), but i'm also not the king of FAs. I think it's ok to ask someone about it, but you know the rest...
Not that the pressure just comes from feeders, but I see it sometimes.

Whether I question it or not, I have to realize I am not a feeder, and while the feederism community isn't perfect: It's still not something I'm against.
I can't judge the unhealthy part as well because:
A. You can gain weight healthily and who said you aren't suppose to workout to get more in tune with your new body? Plus everyone is different so .
B. Compensation Compensation Compensation...
I could go to sleep after I type this, or I can do the ginga for the next eight hours. Both would burn calories, but I might burn more doing the ginga. The ginga might wake me up too. But I need rest man!!! I'm going to sleep!
It's all about awareness. I know a lot of couples that are in the feederism have weighed the pros and cons enough to accept what they are doing. Obesity may be causing a rise in health costs, but it's just a small percentage in comparison to the other crap that's causing rises. In 1998 it was at 9.1. Oh NOES!!!!
But where's the other 90.9%? Does that stuff not matter or something? We should be looking for health on all plans. GOSH!

There's nothing wrong with experimenting with fantasies and fetishism.

It's now 7:05 am. OLE!!!
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Old 06-22-2007, 12:29 AM   #299
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You guys have really said some interesting things. It's 3:00 AM and I have finally finished reading what you guys have to say. It's my turn now.

I think that people should be able to joyfully pursue their fetishes or fantasies as long as they are not harming another person or exploiting children. All other stuff is fair game. One person's pleasure is another person's perversion; therefore, we really should try to be open minded towards one another.

What I wonder about is what the feeders do to accommodate their partners as they grow larger? Do they fantasize about taking care of this person by having beds, bathrooms and other facilities that would be acommodating. What about buying large clothes as or getting lots of food? There are a lot of practical things to consider if this were to be pursued on a long-term basis.

Some people in the public do think that being a feeder and being an FA are the same. A few days ago, one of my co-workers added herself to my myspace page and told a joke about me fattening her up. She's 5'8 and 100 pounds soaking wet. LOL

I remember when I first heard about the fattening farms in some parts of west Africa. I always thought it was cool that the people would feed the women lots of food in order for them to be considered "desirable." In some not all parts of Africa (and other non-western nations), food is not as available as it is here. And so I can see how having a large wife could be considered to be a mark of status.

What I would like to see happen in America is for us to be more accepting of people of all sizes and less fixated on thinness vs. fatness. This is counterconstructive and only enriches the exploitative weight-loss industry while destroying people's budgets, self-esteem and health.

As a lifelong advocate of size acceptance, I've always wondered why it is so important to change women's bodies. What is wrong with them as they are, that we must reconstruct their bodies so they are either as thin as my flat screen monitor or so large they can't get out of their homes? What do you guys think?

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Old 06-22-2007, 05:06 AM   #300
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<snipped>.........

As a lifelong advocate of size acceptance, I've always wondered why it is so important to change women's bodies. What is wrong with them as they are, that we must reconstruct their bodies so they are either as thin as my flat screen monitor or so large they can't get out of their homes? What do you guys think?


I think it's all about the pursuit of happiness. If a person is unhappy truly with their appearance preaching about acceptance isn't really going to make them feel better about it. An electrologist, a cosmetic surgeon, a color stylist will have the magic touch for people who prefer something else for themselves. Just because they want curly red tresses though doesn't mean they want it for everybody, they have low self esteem or that they can't look at someone else's hair and think it's beautiful. It's just a personal choice. Getting a perm doesn't compare to gaining 150 pounds but it's not much different in the mindset. It's what YOU want that matters and not what everyone else thinks.

And yes, there are guys out there who really do want a woman who will gain for them and they will slave away taking care of her and rig up the whole house for her comfort and amusement. I've been asked that more than once online. I'm often surprised at how similar the descriptions are from guy to guy, and they're sincere -- though I doubt they fully grasp the true depth of what it is they are asking for. But they are holding out hope for the right one to come along, they've dreamt of it since childhood. It's not a deliberate attempt to harm anyone or demean anyone, just a very strong and very sad desire that will probably never be fulfilled.
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Expecting the world to treat you kindly because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

"...If the only pain you recognize as valid is your own, of course you'll have trouble identifying it when you see it in other people. That's the trouble with narcissism. It makes you really inadequate and boring."

Have you hugged a fat girl today?

@~;~~
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