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Old 03-03-2009, 07:26 AM   #326
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My very first encounter with the world of feederism was in a documentary called Fat girls and Feeders - and I can't lie I was truly upset by what I saw. The female feedee in the doccie came across as unhappy and trapped. She didn't want to gain weight and her partner kept pushing her to do so - he was even building a house with bigger doors etc so that they could move there and she could still move around. To me that was an abusive relationship - I didn't see how it was any different than some men insisting their girlfriends/wives undergo various forms of surgery just to appear physically appealing to them. I have learnt a whole lot about feederism since then and I have since encountered many empowered feedees - men and women who gain the weight because they want to, who have control of when and how and how much they gain. This changed a huge number of my perceptions and I'm thankful that boards like this exist in order to shed a fairer light on topics like this. I have to say thought that I don't think its ok to be unable to move because of your size. I don't think its great to have sores on your body, and pain in you bones and muscles because you're too big. I think gaining to those levels takes something that is fulfilling, sensual and intensely pleasurable and turns it into something unhealthy and disturbingly self destructive. And if I had a family member in that kind of situation, where they couldnt move and were entirely dependent on another person for everything, I would freak out big time.
My aunt was like that. I was very young but from what I recall the family did freak out about it. My mom and dad would have long, handwringing discussions about her and would use her as a bad example to get me to trim down. "You don't want to wind up like your aunt Pearl." I'm not completely certain but I don't think it was my aunt's choice to be that big or in that position. She had ceased being a human being to everyone and became only a giant weight problem. Nobody actually had conversations with her. It was always a discussion about how she was doing, how she was feeling, does she need anything, what did the doctor say, was she taking her medicine, etc. I was too young really so I didnt have the close relationship with her that I wanted. She was always melancholy and said very little to me if anything at all.

Anyway, freaking out on a fat relative whether it's by choice or it isn't brings about only negative results both for you and your loved one. I can't and won't tell you how to feel. Just try to keep in mind that your relative is still a living loving human being and not just the embodiement of everything you fear.
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Old 03-03-2009, 08:27 AM   #327
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My very first encounter with the world of feederism was in a documentary called Fat girls and Feeders - and I can't lie I was truly upset by what I saw. The female feedee in the doccie came across as unhappy and trapped. She didn't want to gain weight and her partner kept pushing her to do so - he was even building a house with bigger doors etc so that they could move there and she could still move around. To me that was an abusive relationship - I didn't see how it was any different than some men insisting their girlfriends/wives undergo various forms of surgery just to appear physically appealing to them.
For what it's worth, Gina has actually stated quite often that the documentary was completely wrong with that and manipulated things to make it seem like the relationship was so abusive. It's more of a fantasy that just went too far, with serious results. She's still with the same guy, and he's actually supported her losing weight, which she has.

She posted a couple years back in this thread with a quick, happy update, but she hasn't really been around since last August.
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Old 03-06-2009, 06:19 PM   #328
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I must apologize for not reading the entire thread, it's very intimidating in length :-P. However, I have to say there is definitely a distinction between a person and a person's sex life. Friends of the opposite sex you may think you know really well can be entirely different when you begin to know them on a sexual/intimate level. And quite frankly, there are a lot of strange and wild fetishes out there. That being said, I feel like feederism should be more accepted, and not as a fetish but as a way of living or as a way of seeing the world an accepting what most people shun and degrade. The fact that this movement is referred to as the "new coming out" is, in my humble opinion, entirely ridiculous. In its nature, it seems to be caring, consensual and highly symbolic. Though, speaking from personal internal turmoils, there are a lot of family pressures to conform to a certain way of being, and a standardized Hollywood image. Though, just watch Wall-e or Bolt and see how society has evolved.
Yes. They show that society has evolved to easily sympathize with CGI dogs and robots.

They don't, however, give a great deal of information on society standards regarding deliberate erotic weight gain.
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Old 03-11-2009, 07:03 PM   #329
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I like to make a distinction between a feeder and one who promotes gaining. I find the idea of convincing a thin woman to drop her inhibitions about gaining and eat whatever she wants to in whatever quantities she wants to as essentially erotic. That doesn't mean that I would want a woman 5 feet tall and who weighs 100 pounds to gain say 900 pounds to the point that she can't move. But to see her add oh say 50 percent to her weight, or more if she chooses, as terribly erotic.

For me this also isn't about control. I just think eating has a sensual quality that a woman should open herself up to, without worrying about the attendant consequences, such as gaining weight. But in order for this to be erotic to ME it also has to be erotic to the woman involved. Hopefully, she will also come to love the sensual aspects of putting on weight from HER perspective. When it's mutual then the experience becomes meaningful.

Does that make sense?
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Old 03-13-2009, 05:46 AM   #330
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I think the distinction between "Feeder" and "encourager" is largely bunk and just lends support to the notion that feeders are bad controlling people while it asserts that there is a kinder gentler "encourager" who wants to help you feel better about yourself.

To my way of thinking the "encouragers" sound way shadier than feeders anyway. Feeders are people who, with Feedees, attempt to change said Feedee's weight, not because the original weight is bad, but because MORE weight is good. It's a joint thing and both people are getting off/enjoying it.

It's the encouragers who are so often surreptitious and are trying to CONVINCE someone that what they are is wrong and how much better they'd feel about themselves if they'd just loosen up and eat something already.

Give me a loud proud feeder any day. I like a man/woman who knows themselves and is proud and confident--because it gives me the freedom to be the same.
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Old 04-09-2009, 01:52 AM   #331
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Good point in this discussion. Normal behavior is a product of social construction. There may be parts of people's private behavior that one would deem personally unacceptable; however, that does not infer that personally unacceptable behavior is a sign of mental illness.
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Old 04-15-2009, 04:41 AM   #332
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A French philosophy Michel Foucault wrote in great depth about how much that we take to be natural facts are social constructions. I think we have to take all so-called norms carefully, but, at the same time, extreme weight gain might well be unhealthy for many of us. We have to take care.

We don’t get to talk about our sexual fantasies often. People don’t want to hear us talk about them and many of us probably don’t care what turns on many people we know. But the topic is important.

The dominance that I find in erotic weight gain fantasy just might not be good for any lover I might know. I have to realize that. Still, after 21 years with a compulsive dieter, I learned what I don’t like—a starving lover, even though I did love the one I had.
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Old 07-20-2009, 01:28 PM   #333
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Interesting topic. Also a lot of good points with what I scanned. I suppose I'll just throw in my two cents. I was always attracted to larger girls growing up and when I discovered feederism in my teens, it just clicked for me. There is no denying that I enjoy a woman growing, now to the general public Im sure most of the reactions would be along the lines of "ew". They are right to their opinion just as I am right to mine. It just seems normal to me or to at least be attracted to larger women. With my experiences I have found it to be very fulfilling emotionally, physically, intimately. There is a lot of trust that needs to go into a relationship like that especially if the feedee is unsure to begin with. Personally, I also go by the feedee's preference. As I see it, its their body. If you care for that person you need to support in their decision if they want to stop, lose weight, or gain weight.
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Old 07-20-2009, 01:48 PM   #334
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I think one of the major problems in dealing with the whole issue of feeding is the question of just what one means by a feeder. I think the stereotypical idea of a feeder is someone who uses either physical force or emotional blackmail to get someone to gain. If that is what a feeder is, and I personally don't subscribe to that definition, then I'm definitely NOT a feeder. I'm much more of an enabler, using compliments and encouragement to coax someone who already wants to gain but who is perhaps reluctant due to family or societal pressures, to gain anyway. Then there's the question of the ultimate goal. I think the stereotypical view of a feeder is that the feeder wants the feedee to gain to immobility or darn close to it. Once again, using that as a definition, I'm not a feeder. I believe gaining is for pleasure, abandoning the whole diet and exercise torture, not necessarily with the object of deliberately gaining, but simply throwing caution to the wind, accepting a new lifestyle, and not caring a whit about the consequences. I think the controversy comes from those who believe the stereoptype is what feederism is all about as opposed to those of us who are into gaining, but not to that extent.

So the whole idea isn't about gaining per se, but it's about the pleasure of eating without counting calories or feeling one has to run from Chicago to Milwaukee and back just because one has eaten an enormous meal. And most important, at least for me, the whole thing has to be purely voluntary. I don't want to see a woman go from skinny to plump to fat unless she finds the changes wrought to her body both pleasurable and in some sense perhaps, even erotic.
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Old 07-22-2009, 02:06 AM   #335
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Agree completely. For me the other person has to be into it otherwise it's not even remotely fun.

This is not to say all feeders believe this---there may be some who genuinely get off on the idea of manipulation, using weight gain as punishment, or of harming the feedee. There are plenty of stories in the fiction archives that have these themes, so obviously those ideas have their audience.

For me however, the guy has to be really getting off on eating, feeling stuffed, being bloated, and getting bigger in order for it to excite me. My attitude towards fetishism is that a lot of it is about role playing; there are doms and subs, sadists and masochists, voyeurs and exhibitionists, and feeders and feedees. I'd never be interested in feeding if the other person was not interesting in being fed.
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Old 07-30-2009, 01:23 AM   #336
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I wouldn't be against a girl I was with putting on some extra pounds and I've even fantasized about girls I've been in relationships with being bigger than they are, but in none of those fantasies have I ever envisioned myself as a "feeder". The weight gain would have to come naturally, per se. Yeah, I would be supportive if she wanted to gain weight here and there, but there should be limits, as there should be with all things, and that's all I'm going to say

edit: After reading some of these posts, would me being supportive to a girl putting on weight make me a feeder??? Sure does seem like it cause some of these posts make a lot of sense *shrug*, oh well...limits...that's all I'm gonna say again ;P

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Old 08-02-2009, 04:46 PM   #337
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OMG! What a read, so many opinions, on a very interesting topic.

Firstly.

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Originally Posted by LillyBBW
I know I've gained weight through natural causes but never really gave it much of a look. Every now and then though I will stay in a hotel that has a closet with sliding glass mirrored doors by the bed. I recall sitting there in front of one and being mesmerized. I *could not* take my eyes away. I had a roommate with me and was trying not to appear like a crazed self absorbed vanity freak but I couldn't help it. I kept looking at my shoulders, my cleavage, my calves, my thighs and belly. I wanted to try stuff on, change positions on the bed. I loved the way everything bounced around whenever I struggled to change position on the bed and to me it looked so soft. I was nearly giddy. To me I looked radiant, healthy, full of life - my skin was pristine and glowing
Lilly, I am sure you'd find just about every FA would love to see that too

Ok, on the topic at hand. My wife has loved her food, but always been conscience about her weight, which to me is a contradiction. I have for as long as I can remember loved the BBW/SSBBW form & have dated a few, but I completely fell for my wife when we met & she was only 9 1/2st (133lbs) @5'6", so she wasn't a big girl at all, she's big boned though, so she was curvacious. I still always had thoughts of her gaining weight, getting bigger. Does that make me a feeder or just still an FA?

After having both our kids she did of course gain weight, but managed to loose the weight after our first, but struggled after the second & yo-yo'd for years. I never discouraged her to loose weight, but I also did point out that yo-yo'ing was not good as she only put on more than she lost each time. Does that make me a feeder or just a loving husband pointing out a fact?

She threw out the scales quite some years back, but was still conscience about her weight & was still yo-yo'ing & each time she stopped dieting, she'd ended up gaining back the weight + some. I loved the extra curves of course & would compliment her on her figure, tell her how gorgeous she was, does that make me a feeder/encourager or just a husband that loves his wife & wants to support her, make her feel better about herself?

So, now she'd weigh I guess 220-240lbs & she has told me now a few times in the last year, she'll never diet again, she loves her food to much, she loves a social drink, so she's just going to enjoy life. Although there are the odd times that she wishes she was a size 14 & not a size 20. She has said she'll probably get bigger, which I know as she eats big meals, all healthy stuff though, she doesn't eat lots of cakes, pasteries, takeaway food, she likes to cook good healthy meals,(as do I & she loves it when I cook) but she'll have a big plate load & even go for seconds, then later she'll make something else to snack on. So is my letting her go, letting her enjoy her life the way she wants, make me a feeder/encourager cause I know she'll get bigger or again a loving, supportive husband & the bonus is she'll get bigger? It's a fine line me thinks.

Yes I'd like her to be bigger, always have, but at no time would I ever want her to get bigger than she was comfortable with being or if it made her health suffer in a big way. Currently her heath is good, no high bloodpressure, diabetes, colestereol is better than mine & I'm slim. Must be her healthy eating .

So, I think there is many differences in the whole feeder/feedee debate. For me force feeding someone is not right, unless they consent I guess, but I still don't get it. Even if your partner wants to gain weight till they become completely immobile, I think that you need to be responsible & not let that happen, as the quality of life for both would no longer be there & would have to effect the relationship. Yes, I like big women & the bigger the better, that's just my preference, but there is a point where bigger can be too big & a difference between fantasy & reality.

There are so many variables to this debate, but for me the bottom line would have to be the health, the quality of life, the happiness of those involved.

That's just my opinion & opinons are like arseholes, everyone has one.
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Old 08-06-2009, 08:57 AM   #338
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Agree completely. For me the other person has to be into it otherwise it's not even remotely fun.

This is not to say all feeders believe this---there may be some who genuinely get off on the idea of manipulation, using weight gain as punishment, or of harming the feedee. There are plenty of stories in the fiction archives that have these themes, so obviously those ideas have their audience.

For me however, the guy has to be really getting off on eating, feeling stuffed, being bloated, and getting bigger in order for it to excite me. My attitude towards fetishism is that a lot of it is about role playing; there are doms and subs, sadists and masochists, voyeurs and exhibitionists, and feeders and feedees. I'd never be interested in feeding if the other person was not interesting in being fed.
Consent is vital. Otherwise, it is rape and pure exploitation. There is room for fantasy, of course, but I would never want to push my needs onto another person, particularly a lover.
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Old 08-06-2009, 08:58 AM   #339
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Originally Posted by aussiefa63 View Post
OMG! What a read, so many opinions, on a very interesting topic.

Firstly.



Lilly, I am sure you'd find just about every FA would love to see that too

Ok, on the topic at hand. My wife has loved her food, but always been conscience about her weight, which to me is a contradiction. I have for as long as I can remember loved the BBW/SSBBW form & have dated a few, but I completely fell for my wife when we met & she was only 9 1/2st (133lbs) @5'6", so she wasn't a big girl at all, she's big boned though, so she was curvacious. I still always had thoughts of her gaining weight, getting bigger. Does that make me a feeder or just still an FA?

After having both our kids she did of course gain weight, but managed to loose the weight after our first, but struggled after the second & yo-yo'd for years. I never discouraged her to loose weight, but I also did point out that yo-yo'ing was not good as she only put on more than she lost each time. Does that make me a feeder or just a loving husband pointing out a fact?

She threw out the scales quite some years back, but was still conscience about her weight & was still yo-yo'ing & each time she stopped dieting, she'd ended up gaining back the weight + some. I loved the extra curves of course & would compliment her on her figure, tell her how gorgeous she was, does that make me a feeder/encourager or just a husband that loves his wife & wants to support her, make her feel better about herself?

So, now she'd weigh I guess 220-240lbs & she has told me now a few times in the last year, she'll never diet again, she loves her food to much, she loves a social drink, so she's just going to enjoy life. Although there are the odd times that she wishes she was a size 14 & not a size 20. She has said she'll probably get bigger, which I know as she eats big meals, all healthy stuff though, she doesn't eat lots of cakes, pasteries, takeaway food, she likes to cook good healthy meals,(as do I & she loves it when I cook) but she'll have a big plate load & even go for seconds, then later she'll make something else to snack on. So is my letting her go, letting her enjoy her life the way she wants, make me a feeder/encourager cause I know she'll get bigger or again a loving, supportive husband & the bonus is she'll get bigger? It's a fine line me thinks.

Yes I'd like her to be bigger, always have, but at no time would I ever want her to get bigger than she was comfortable with being or if it made her health suffer in a big way. Currently her heath is good, no high bloodpressure, diabetes, colestereol is better than mine & I'm slim. Must be her healthy eating .

So, I think there is many differences in the whole feeder/feedee debate. For me force feeding someone is not right, unless they consent I guess, but I still don't get it. Even if your partner wants to gain weight till they become completely immobile, I think that you need to be responsible & not let that happen, as the quality of life for both would no longer be there & would have to effect the relationship. Yes, I like big women & the bigger the better, that's just my preference, but there is a point where bigger can be too big & a difference between fantasy & reality.

There are so many variables to this debate, but for me the bottom line would have to be the health, the quality of life, the happiness of those involved.

That's just my opinion & opinons are like arseholes, everyone has one.
Well said.
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Old 03-09-2011, 05:16 PM   #340
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I have to say, I have come to accept I am a feedee, I am very aroused by eating and gaining weight and I am involved with an awesome FA (he is the complete package) who does encourage my gaining (and I know he would perfer I was enormously obese) BUT he does not madate it or make me feel I would be better that way, actually when I said I wanted to do this he actually discouraged me at first lol to be sure I was doing it for me (though the fact it makes me more desireable is a turn on for me)....I am gaining and I love having a feeder who is supportive but not an enforcer...we have agreed at a set weight for me to gain to, to see how the progression is going, but I don't think it's a bad thing to gain weight for someone as long as you are doing it for yourself too, but I am being honest, it is for him as well....and I am sick of not eating what I want when I smoke lol
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Old 03-10-2011, 05:35 AM   #341
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I have to say, I have come to accept I am a feedee, I am very aroused by eating and gaining weight and I am involved with an awesome FA (he is the complete package) who does encourage my gaining (and I know he would perfer I was enormously obese) BUT he does not madate it or make me feel I would be better that way, actually when I said I wanted to do this he actually discouraged me at first lol to be sure I was doing it for me (though the fact it makes me more desireable is a turn on for me)....I am gaining and I love having a feeder who is supportive but not an enforcer...we have agreed at a set weight for me to gain to, to see how the progression is going, but I don't think it's a bad thing to gain weight for someone as long as you are doing it for yourself too, but I am being honest, it is for him as well....and I am sick of not eating what I want when I smoke lol
Welcome to the board badassdebate.
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Old 03-11-2011, 12:50 AM   #342
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hey Lily, I am Sarah of badassdebate but I just made this one instead with a more descriptive name for myself lol...I love the discussions and I can't wait to see where it goes...I understand the concern of a feeder exploiting the person he/she is with, but if there is a mutual agreement before hand, then I just think it's fine, it's actually what I am doing now, and because it is my decision to get fatter (cause bigger IS better!) he supports me and also happens to LOVE watching me eat and feeding me lol it's a win/win!!
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Old 03-11-2011, 06:45 AM   #343
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Originally Posted by rubenesquehunny View Post
hey Lily, I am Sarah of badassdebate but I just made this one instead with a more descriptive name for myself lol...I love the discussions and I can't wait to see where it goes...I understand the concern of a feeder exploiting the person he/she is with, but if there is a mutual agreement before hand, then I just think it's fine, it's actually what I am doing now, and because it is my decision to get fatter (cause bigger IS better!) he supports me and also happens to LOVE watching me eat and feeding me lol it's a win/win!!
Hey Sarah! Just so you know, the Webmaster would have changed your name had you asked. Then you wouldn't have had to create two new names. The first one was on a pretty good roll too. This discussion is kinda old. You've actually revived it after it's been dead a year or more. If you've got something you want to say though go on an blurt it out. Maybe you can get the ball rolling again.
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Old 03-11-2011, 02:57 PM   #344
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Oh Lily had I known that lol I would have just made the request!! Oh well, I am letting the other one pass, I love policy debate lol but it is not the right name for this forum lol

I guess for me, there is a certain mental image of feeder and/or feedee that inspires thoughts of oppression and potential abuse....and as I can see how that can happen, I would agrue that can happen in any relationship and in that situation, the abuser is using food as a weapon.....but for me, my feeder/feedee relationship has opened my life up both sexually and emotionally in a way I would hope everyone feels....Don't get me wrong, you should always get validation from your own self and sense of being, but when you hear negaitivity all your life on being fat and enjoying food (food is a fuel like gas to a car to be used and not enjoyed) it is so liberating to have someone come along and say "not only are you awesome as fat as you are, but if you want, I would love you to get bigger!" which makes my knees go weak to be honest lol....now I don't like stuffing so that isn't my thing (the activity, love the food lol) but I love having the control of my life to decide to gain the weight, do so on purpose, and doing it with a man (who as you all know by now is an avid FA) who not only enjoys each pound I gain, but also finds is so sexy and erotic watching me eat those calories.....if I stopped now he would be fine with it but I wouldn't lol.....so just wanted to say that to this thread lol since I have accepted and now embraced being a feedee I feel sexier, hungier and much more womanly....just putting that out there
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Old 03-12-2011, 07:59 AM   #345
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Oh Lily had I known that lol I would have just made the request!! Oh well, I am letting the other one pass, I love policy debate lol but it is not the right name for this forum lol

I guess for me, there is a certain mental image of feeder and/or feedee that inspires thoughts of oppression and potential abuse....and as I can see how that can happen, I would agrue that can happen in any relationship and in that situation, the abuser is using food as a weapon.....but for me, my feeder/feedee relationship has opened my life up both sexually and emotionally in a way I would hope everyone feels....Don't get me wrong, you should always get validation from your own self and sense of being, but when you hear negaitivity all your life on being fat and enjoying food (food is a fuel like gas to a car to be used and not enjoyed) it is so liberating to have someone come along and say "not only are you awesome as fat as you are, but if you want, I would love you to get bigger!" which makes my knees go weak to be honest lol....now I don't like stuffing so that isn't my thing (the activity, love the food lol) but I love having the control of my life to decide to gain the weight, do so on purpose, and doing it with a man (who as you all know by now is an avid FA) who not only enjoys each pound I gain, but also finds is so sexy and erotic watching me eat those calories.....if I stopped now he would be fine with it but I wouldn't lol.....so just wanted to say that to this thread lol since I have accepted and now embraced being a feedee I feel sexier, hungier and much more womanly....just putting that out there
I so agree. It's great to have you here Sarah.
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Old 03-12-2011, 09:46 AM   #346
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Thanks so much Lily!! I have been posting all over cause I like this site better than most others I visit lol, but I had to write a paper lol so thank god that is done!!! I do love this site and the creators and mods are awesome for all the hard work and it is paying off in spades!! Love it here!!
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Old 08-28-2011, 11:04 PM   #347
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I've sort of skimmed the thread >_>.

But it seems like there is a lot of hang-up on whether a feeder is exploiting a feedee for his own pleasure.

As somebody who identifies, in a very sexual way, as a gainer/feedee, this argument bugs me. There are people, like myself, who legitimately get off on being fat and getting fatter. I fail to consider it exploitation if I am a co-conspirator in the process of fattening me up.

It's different if the relationship is abusive, mind you, but an abusive relationship is just that. It doesn't matter if the couple is into feederism, BDSM, or has to have sex in full clothing with the lights off. If the relationship is abusive, then that's what it is. If one party seriously gets off on being dominated, or fattened, or whatever the case, then the relationship is not what I would consider abusive unless the following important condition is in place:
One party is placing the other party in clear and present danger, against their will, with no possibility of recourse.

So, it's like, let's say I plan to weigh 500 lbs eventually. Advisable? No. Terribly sexy to me? Yes.
Let's say I end up with somebody who wants to push me harder to reach this obesity goal. Is it an unhealthy course of action? Yes. Will I be surrendering some control of my body and habits to another human being? Yes. Will this be like a non-stop sexy party in my weird brain? Absolutely. Is this person abusing me? No.
However...
Let's say I put on about 70 lbs and realize that my body won't be able to stand up to it as well as I imagined. In a non-abusive relationship, I broach this topic, and all intentional weight gain ceases.
In an abusive relationship, I am threatened or coerced with actual, dangerous force or psychological terror to keep putting on weight that I am no longer comfortable with putting on.

In my mind, at least, the weight gain is a completely separate thing from the abuse, although the abuse may lead to weight gain, as in the above scenario. The two should not be confused with each other, though.
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Old 12-21-2011, 01:20 PM   #348
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Old 01-09-2013, 03:47 AM   #349
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Don't want to blow my own horn here, but this subject in particular was discussed in great detail on the latest episode (episode 4) of my podcast "The Gaining Life".

It's a 2 part interview with an encourager named "BBencourgr" and even though he's a gay man, his views on weight gain, feeding are not aimed at the male specifically, but at the process itself. It's really something to listen to, I hope you give it a shot.

Part 2 of his interview is going up tonight, Wednesday.

The podcast is at: http://thegaininglife.tumblr.com/

Russ
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Old 01-10-2013, 10:24 AM   #350
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I've sort of skimmed the thread >_>.

But it seems like there is a lot of hang-up on whether a feeder is exploiting a feedee for his own pleasure.

As somebody who identifies, in a very sexual way, as a gainer/feedee, this argument bugs me. There are people, like myself, who legitimately get off on being fat and getting fatter. I fail to consider it exploitation if I am a co-conspirator in the process of fattening me up.

It's different if the relationship is abusive, mind you, but an abusive relationship is just that. It doesn't matter if the couple is into feederism, BDSM, or has to have sex in full clothing with the lights off. If the relationship is abusive, then that's what it is. If one party seriously gets off on being dominated, or fattened, or whatever the case, then the relationship is not what I would consider abusive unless the following important condition is in place:
One party is placing the other party in clear and present danger, against their will, with no possibility of recourse.

So, it's like, let's say I plan to weigh 500 lbs eventually. Advisable? No. Terribly sexy to me? Yes.
Let's say I end up with somebody who wants to push me harder to reach this obesity goal. Is it an unhealthy course of action? Yes. Will I be surrendering some control of my body and habits to another human being? Yes. Will this be like a non-stop sexy party in my weird brain? Absolutely. Is this person abusing me? No.
However...
Let's say I put on about 70 lbs and realize that my body won't be able to stand up to it as well as I imagined. In a non-abusive relationship, I broach this topic, and all intentional weight gain ceases.
In an abusive relationship, I am threatened or coerced with actual, dangerous force or psychological terror to keep putting on weight that I am no longer comfortable with putting on.

In my mind, at least, the weight gain is a completely separate thing from the abuse, although the abuse may lead to weight gain, as in the above scenario. The two should not be confused with each other, though.
Abuse is usually far more subtle than "Oh go on, eat more" or "Eat more I'mma shank you".
Not to mention the desire we all have to please our partners can alter the way we think. When relationships end, people often look back and say "What the hell was I thinking? How did I ever agree/want/find that attractive?"
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