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Old 04-13-2007, 07:56 PM   #76
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To you, it's a no win situation. But to a willing feedee it's their IDEAL situation.


I can't buy that- how is disabling yourself a winning situation?
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Old 04-13-2007, 07:57 PM   #77
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Brenda, I don't think your post directed at Misty was very fair. From what I've seen, she has been a very supportive, friendly, open and accepting member of this community.

To basically call her a cheerleader for feederism or feeders is off the mark here.

I appreciate some of your ideas. Its very easy to see the inequity of these relationships when you see a fat person who has trouble walking, attending to their intimate hygeine, or has any number of medical conditions linked to (causally or exacerbated by) their weight, while their partner has none. And even when someone is aware intellectually of what may happen, that is different than actually really getting what that reality may in fact be like. So I see where you're at, I just think youcharacterized someone unfairly in this case.
Thank you. If anything, I'm a cheerleader for people having the right to enjoy the lifestyle they've chosen with out it being demonized and every MALE person in that lifestyle made out to be a bad guy.

It's amazing to me how we've only focused on male feeders and female "victims."
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Old 04-13-2007, 07:59 PM   #78
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I can't buy that- how is disabling yourself a winning situation?
It's what they want. Just because YOU wouldn't want to be immobile, or I wouldn't want to be immobile doesn't mean that the person who is gaining to that point doesn't want to.

Ok...we are talking about the EXTREMES of feederism. Not every single feeder/feedee relationship has the goal of disabling themselves in mind. Every person carries their weight differently and as Heather has stated, weight gain effects people differently. She's able to live a healthy and very productive life at 470 lbs. Could I? I don't know. Is she disabling herself by continuing gaining weight? Doesn't look like it to me.


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Old 04-13-2007, 08:00 PM   #79
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""It would be like me getting hooked on heroin and blaming the fact that I couldn't know what it felt like to be addicted until it was too late. I know the risks, I know the downfalls, I don't tread that path because it's too dangerous to me. People who choose to follow "dangerous" paths have to live with the consequences - that is fully their choice.""

I see it as the person who sold you the drugs bought them for you as also responsible.


I see so many fat woman beaten down by life that there judgment is clouded when they meet a man who tells them they are so pretty and would just be a little more so if she gained. So maybe they get swept up by that for a time and than decide it is too much but find turning the tide is not so easy.

If someone like Heather wants to gain, hey have at it. She is doing it for her own pleasure, not someone elses. While I do think she is taking major risks with her health, it is her health to do with as she chooses.

My sister who was not a feedee but exceptionally heavy found that after she reached around 550lbs it all spiralled out of control. Very quickly she lost her mobility despite, continued to gain despite efforts to turn things around. She died a horrible death in her mid 40's. While her death was not totally weight related it played a big role especially in getting proper treatment and diagnosis. In the last few months before her death she could bearly walk inside her home and stayed mostly in bed.

This is what I fear will be the end for other woman. Maybe it is none of my business, but I would wish on no one the pain my family and I have faced since we lost her. Her story is not the exception in cases of extreme weight, it can happen to anyone of us.

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Old 04-13-2007, 08:00 PM   #80
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Heather, I just wanted to thank you for your post, despite (grammar teacher here )the run one sentences. It is really helping me to think about these issues. From what I've seen with a friend, her approach as she expresses it, is very different, but perhaps its just that she doesn't express herself as well as you did in that post.
Yes, I agree. Very insightful.
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:04 PM   #81
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It's what they want. Just because YOU wouldn't want to be immobile, or I wouldn't want to be immobile doesn't mean that the person who is gaining to that point doesn't want to.


Certainly, but couldn't that be where some people start wondering about the mental health aspect of it all?
Not saying that I do, but don't you see how that could be easily misconstrued?
I mean there are many truly disabled people in this world that would love to have their mobility back and then you see someone willingly giving up some of the greatest gifts a person can have- health and mobility- all for sexual pleasure. Seems like a cheap trade off to me.
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:10 PM   #82
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Yes, I discuss the gendered aspect of this more but I left my gender hat on campus. This belongs in another thread, but why do we (the general we) always assume that women are always lead astray by men and are always the victim or at least get the short end of the stick? Now I'm a feminist and I understand that historically, this is the case, but I do wish it wasn't the sort of instant reflex we have.

My friend (female) is not in a feeding relationship. Her partner doesn't want her to gain and will probably leave her since he thinks she's too fat (he's an ass in soo many ways). Like I said, I'm concerned about her physical problems and the fact that she doesn't seem to be dealing with them. But Heather's explaination helps- she's trying to be the person she sees in her mind. That doesn't really help her deal with some problems, but it helps me appraciate why much of what people (friends, family, doctors) reccomend her to do to help herself.

I am all for living the life they want and I am all for personal responsibility as well. I agree that you have to be living under a rock if you want to gain and don't know what could happen. But I disagree that knowing intellectually what the effects could be always translates into really appreciating what that means. Perhaps this comes from knowing my friend and her approach and ideas as she explains it.
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:13 PM   #83
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I see so many fat woman beaten down by life that there judgment is clouded when they meet a man who tells them they are so pretty and would just be a little more so if she gained. So maybe they get swept up by that for a time and than decide it is too much but find turning the tide is not so easy.
I'm sorry for what you and your family have gone thru Brenda. I just want to touch on this paragraph.

Want to know why I'm so active on this board? That paragraph is the reason why. I'm a confident fat girl. It was a long road to get to where I am today, but I had to start somewhere. I want those girls who have the self-esteem issues and the body image issues to maybe read my posts and maybe something will click. I don't have a hero complex or anything like that, but I know when I first started around here seeing people like AnnMarie and some others in the chat room really opened my eyes to how my life could be if I just allowed myself to accept who I was.

It hurts me to see things like the hogging thread on the main board and know that there are women who feel the need to sleep with guys for validation. However, we can't be held responsible for the actions of others. We can continue to wear our size loud and proud and hope that others can look and and maybe find their inner strength. Is it sad when women fall into abusive relationships? hell yes, but for me to generalize that all relationships are abusive is just as absurd as someone generalizing that all feeder/feeder relationships are abusive.

I think what really saddens me the most is that people immediately assume that the woman is a victim...oh she has to be a victim. How sad is it when we believe our gender to be unable to make decisions such as these?


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Old 04-13-2007, 08:15 PM   #84
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Certainly, but couldn't that be where some people start wondering about the mental health aspect of it all?
Not saying that I do, but don't you see how that could be easily misconstrued?
I mean there are many truly disabled people in this world that would love to have their mobility back and then you see someone willingly giving up some of the greatest gifts a person can have- health and mobility- all for sexual pleasure. Seems like a cheap trade off to me.
One could say the same thing about abortion. Think of how many women and couples struggle daily to conceive a child and to know that someone went and willingly killed the one growing inside them...that's a cheap trade off as well. *Now, I'm all pro-choice so don't get all frappy on me..lol..it's just an example people*


I can't live my life wishing I was like someone else. If that were the case, many of us would be wishing our lives away. We have to play the hand fate dealt us. Is it fair, hell no, but it's life.
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:16 PM   #85
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I see this desire to be very similiar to those who wish to be amputees, so they take measures to destroy one or more limbs. Some of them who lack the "nerve" simply pretend to be missing a limb. They like the idea of being handicapped.

It has been found that some of those who were treated with anti depressants no longer felt the desire to maim themselves. So it seems there is some mental health issue associated with that speicfic behavior.

I would be curious if those who wish to be immobile see the other behavior as similar and/or a mental problem or not similar but not a sign of mental unwellness.



""Certainly, but couldn't that be where some people start wondering about the mental health aspect of it all?
Not saying that I do, but don't you see how that could be easily misconstrued?
I mean there are many truly disabled people in this world that would love to have their mobility back and then you see someone willingly giving up some of the greatest gifts a person can have- health and mobility- all for sexual pleasure. Seems like a cheap trade off to me""
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:29 PM   #86
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Well that's just GREAT. That leaves me almost nothing to black mail you with... and I'm beginning to think all my "complimentary" meals are part of a bigger, far more sinister, plan.

Haha... all my fatty friends who've gotten fatter agree with you :P

How about some brunch/lunch on Sunday in Sturbridge, I'm meeting up with Deeds/Stephen.. my treat
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:31 PM   #87
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Haha... all my fatty friends who've gotten fatter agree with you :P

How about some brunch/lunch on Sunday in Sturbridge, I'm meeting up with Deeds/Stephen.. my treat

Ooo, tell me details later, I like brunch.
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:35 PM   #88
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How do you deal with the concept of the medical ramifications of gaining? Do you fear anything happening to you? Is there a conceptual point in your mind at which you may eventually say, "Okay, this is where it has to end,"?
It's hard to say Lilly. I deal with it as it comes. You know me personally so you know about the accident I had a few years ago. This led for my mobility to be significantly altered. I've since changed things in my life to work around it and I get around just fine and do the things I want to do.

I am lucky enough to have great blood pressure, cholesterol and sugar levels. When thinking about hurdles as my gain progresses, I think as in all things so far, I figure out if I can live with what is happening to me, how I can make it better and see if it's a liveable situation for me.

I am very short and I have had reach problems for years with my little short fat arms... so hygiene has been an issue since I was around 350ish. I use some aids for reaching and I never skipped a beat about it. No humility at all. For some, it might have been a harder path to follow.

At this point I don't have an "end point" - for me there is no too big. Mind you, this is coming from a lifetime of fantasies built up in my mind. Honestly, I don't think it's humanly possible to be as fat as I've fantasized about being.

I'll just keep along with my happy fat life and see where it takes me. If there comes a point where it's no longer enjoyable and I am sacrificing things without positive gains, then I imagine I'd stop it there with no regrets and just keep to my fantasies and healthy mind for my "fatter fixes".

Hope that explains
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:36 PM   #89
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Ooo, tell me details later, I like brunch.
I've sent Deeds on the hunt to find a place that has one... time will tell my little fatty.. time will tell.

P.S. I might hit up CT tomorrow night too, not sure. But your always invited.

Okie.. now back to on topic stuff...
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:37 PM   #90
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Heather, I just wanted to thank you for your post, despite (grammar teacher here )the run one sentences. It is really helping me to think about these issues. From what I've seen with a friend, her approach as she expresses it, is very different, but perhaps its just that she doesn't express herself as well as you did in that post.
My pleasure

It may be the case that she has a completely different take/perspective/fantasy of it all - I think I've met only a handful of people who were dead on with the same things I was into... and still it wasn't exactly the same. We are intricate creatures :P
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:37 PM   #91
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To you, it's a no win situation. But to a willing feedee it's their IDEAL situation.

... Exactly.
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:38 PM   #92
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I've sent Deeds on the hunt to find a place that has one... time will tell my little fatty.. time will tell.

P.S. I might hit up CT tomorrow night too, not sure. But your always invited.

Okie.. now back to on topic stuff...
Nah, going to try to get some of my clothes together for sale, but Sunday might work... just let me know where/what time and I'll let you know.

Mmmm, food!
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:38 PM   #93
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Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
I do know that I get a lot of attention from African men. My parents tease me about it.
Ditto. The first time I was aggressively pursued was in college, by a member of Ladysmith Black Mambazo when they performed there (I was on the activities committee, so I ran errands for them while they were on campus). My college friends still tease me about it.

***ETA: Posting before you have read the whole thread makes you look like an idiot. If I had waited, this would be about brunch instead.
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:39 PM   #94
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I want to say thank you to Misty for her responses and then also want to say that I hope I have offended no one with what I have said here. If I have, then it was certainly not my intention to make anyone feel judged or put down in any way for their preferences.
The point of this thread, however, seems to be airing out some differences of opinions and I felt like it was the time to voice some of the things I have seen and how I perceive them.
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:39 PM   #95
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Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
I can't buy that- how is disabling yourself a winning situation?
Once again, if you have no fantasies at all relevant to the topic... it would be hard for you to understand. I completely understand you being baffled by the concept, but I can assure you that the idea of immobility is quite the winning situation fantasy-wise and reality-wise for many.
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:42 PM   #96
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Once again, if you have no fantasies at all relevant to the topic... it would be hard for you to understand. I completely understand you being baffled by the concept, but I can assure you that the idea of immobility is quite the winning situation fantasy-wise and reality-wise for many.

I realize that and don't judge anyone for it- anymore than I would want to be judged for my fantasies/desires. Just trying to help air out the perceptions of others (and myself) since this seems to be the thread for it.
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:43 PM   #97
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I realize that and don't judge anyone for it- anymore than I would want to be judged for my fantasies/desires. Just trying to help air out the perceptions of others since this seems to be the thread for it.
Agreed - I take no offense at all - I was just trying to explain. I can understand why it might boggle the brain if you weren't into it and make you question. I was just answering from this side of the fence :P I think it's important to ask questions whatever they may be.
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Old 04-13-2007, 08:44 PM   #98
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I want to say thank you to Misty for her responses and then also want to say that I hope I have offended no one with what I have said here. If I have, then it was certainly not my intention to make anyone feel judged or put down in any way for their preferences.
The point of this thread, however, seems to be airing out some differences of opinions and I felt like it was the time to voice some of the things I have seen and how I perceive them.
Thank you as well.
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Old 04-13-2007, 09:09 PM   #99
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It's what they want. Just because YOU wouldn't want to be immobile, or I wouldn't want to be immobile doesn't mean that the person who is gaining to that point doesn't want to.
I question the mental heath of someone that would place themselves in that situation or someone who would do that to another. I also would question the mental health of a person that sees a life of immobility, bed pans, bed sores, poor health, etc. as an ideal situation.
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Old 04-13-2007, 09:15 PM   #100
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I question the mental heath of someone that would place themselves in that situation or someone who would do that to another. I also would question the mental health of a person that sees a life of immobility, bed pans, bed sores, poor health, etc. as an ideal situation.
I would question the mental health of someone that wants to have 4 or more kids. That doesn't mean that they suffer from a mental problem.

People question the mental health of people who choose alternate religions too. Just because someone chooses something out of the norm, doesn't mean they are mentally ill.

If that were the case, I'd be accused of having mental health problems because I have chosen to stay fat.
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