Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > Weight Board



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 04-14-2007, 10:00 AM   #126
LillyBBBW
Wig Snatcher
 
LillyBBBW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 9,794
LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina View Post
Here's a scenario for you, Misty.

The guy in chat doesn't tell you he's a feeder. You hit it off great, end up meeting and you really like him a lot. He likes to take you out to dinner, and buys you flowers and candy regularly. You decide to move in together. As part of a quick and healthy breakfast before you each go to work, he whips you both up smoothies. You notice you're really gaining some weight, but you chalk it up to being happy and going out to dinner together -- being wined and dined. This guy is so good to you in many ways and you love him deeply. You remember your life before him, always complaining that you're tired of being alone and you want a mate and children -- a happy family.

Turns out he is a feeder, and not only that, but being sick and tired of all the fat women out there who do not want to get fatter, he picked one he was really attracted to and decided to take care of business himself, on the sly.

You've lost weight in the past and wanted to pretty much stay there, because, after all, even though you've sent such mixed messages on the board like, "It's been a lousy day! I need a feeder to buy me some food!!" you really don't want to gain.

You try to cut back a bit and start watching what you're eating more -- maybe not so much in an effort to lose weight, but just to stop gaining. Yet, you still continue to gain. You've pushed a number of red flags aside, because not only do you want to be loved -- long to be loved -- but you love this man in particular.

You become suspicious and start looking around and find some kind of weightgain powder, and figure he's been putting it into your morning smoothies on the sly and you're livid. You're also conflicted, because you adore him.

Now what?

Is this all your fault? You unwaveringly lay responsibility 100% on the women in these various scenarios, yet relationships are 50-50, and even when it appears that the man is maybe being manipulative or deceptive, it's always the woman who should be blamed. You seem to portray yourself as being so strong -- that you would never fall for it. I wonder if you're so invincible, Misty. And guess what? These scenarios are not just fiction. I wish for you that you never end up in such a situation, but you could.

And for all of you who want to jump all over me about this for 'painting all feeders as being evil," let me remind you of my past words about it, but also let me tell you that more times than I can count, though not so much as when we had the old board format, guys were looking for weight gain powders and ways to secretly fatten their spouses. You weren't here to see it? Can't help that, it went on with regular frequency.
Heh. I've BEEN in a relationship similar to that. When I pulled the plug on the gaining he dumped me. I moped and wrote shitty goth poetry for months but I got over it. The key for me was that I HAD to lose weight if I wanted to keep working therfore the temptation to give in and let it be was not an option, especially since it wasn't a stretch for me to be completely accepting of the situation anyway. But the controlling aspect of his actions was what was intolerable. Like any person who gets into a relationship where a guy gets hooked on drugs or becomes abusive it can be very difficult if not impossible to escape. But short of placing all men in concentration camps the only solution is to try to educate women to be aware and watch for red flags.
__________________
Expecting the world to treat you kindly because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

"...If the only pain you recognize as valid is your own, of course you'll have trouble identifying it when you see it in other people. That's the trouble with narcissism. It makes you really inadequate and boring."

Have you hugged a fat girl today?

@~;~~
LillyBBBW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 10:00 AM   #127
James
vibeout
 
James's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,710
James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!James keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina View Post
Hi James.

Yes and no. It is separate because I love my body independent of the pain, when it's just regular ol' pain. But when it gets to be too much, for too long, I'm not so thrilled with my body. So of course they are intrinsically tied on the one hand, but my journey to lovin' the fat was a separate issue.

I hope this makes sense; I just woke up.
Hi Tina,

It totally makes sense

my point was kinda more of a general one though...

What I'm alluding to is that the ultimate outcome of person getting very heavy ... or at least, heavier than is comfortable for that person to be (as you used to be) is physical pain and a loss of independance. That is not cool. Unless that is a person's specific kink of course... but in general it sucks balls... big time. If someone gets to that point through any other reason than their own free will then thats frikkin sad for them IMO... and if such a thing comes out of a desire to be loved/wanted then personally I think this is sadder still. Every time I read a post saying something along the lines of 'yay... you are 300 or 400lb... blah blah... cant wait till you are 500, 600 etc.' it re-enforces the "be fatter" message... and that messes with the importance of the "its ok to be you" message... especially amongst those who are not totally at a point of self-acceptance...

ack... I dunno... and I'm rambling again... Like I say, feeders, feedees... fine... if that is your thing then do it... but if a person is a feeder, I really think its in everyone's interest for that person to be honest with themselves and their motivations... draw the line, be respectful, and accept that you cant make a girl a feedee... she's either into it or she isn't.

Last edited by James; 04-14-2007 at 10:06 AM.
James is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 10:07 AM   #128
MisticalMisty
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 6,362
MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
Like any person who gets into a relationship where a guy gets hooked on drugs or becomes abusive it can be very difficult if not impossible to escape. But short of placing all men in concentration camps the only solution is to try to educate women to be aware and watch for red flags.
Exactly. It's true of any abusive relationship.

I know myself well enough to know that I've lived many years alone. I have a career that I can depend on to support me. I have friends and family who love me. I don't NEED a man in my life to feel complete. Are there things that I want out of life and desire a man to help me with those..YES..but I will not be with an abusive or manipulative individual just because I'm lonely and I need a man.

Fuck that shit.


Being true to myself is more important than any of the perks that come from being in a relationship.
MisticalMisty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 10:35 AM   #129
Tina
Older and wiser now
 
Tina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: location, location.
Posts: 15,215
Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MisticalMisty View Post
Tina, I have respected you until this last post. I will not answer it because it's completely unfair of you to create a scenario and use things I've actually said on the board or things that have happened in my life.

Every feeder I've ever talked to knows up front that while I do enjoy being cooked for, taken out to dinner..etc..that I'm a foodee and not a feedee. I've made that declaration on this board several times.
Misty, these are things you have written more times than I can count; not private things, or I never would have posted them. Anyone who has read your posts for any length of time has seen them, and I'm not putting you down for them. My reason for doing it was to hope that you might be able to see it in a more personal way, rather than the detached, seemingly cold, way that you have been reacting. I'm telling no secrets, nor am I using your words against you. And I am not against you personally, but I think that you are refusing to see that these things can happen and that maybe it's not always the woman's fault. If it happened to you in that way would it be YOUR fault? If you want to discount me for something like this, fine. But I honestly think it would be for reasons other than me using two things you have repeated here multiple times because I am talking to you about your life. That such an innocuous thing, not meant in any negative way, nor portrayed in any negative way, can get you so enraged does make me wonder.
__________________
"I'm really tired of a fat woman's sexuality being just another fat joke." -- Felicia/Supero

"It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their back legs. Now witness their attmpts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet." -- Monty Python's Flying Circus
Tina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 10:37 AM   #130
Tina
Older and wiser now
 
Tina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: location, location.
Posts: 15,215
Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
Heh. I've BEEN in a relationship similar to that. When I pulled the plug on the gaining he dumped me. I moped and wrote shitty goth poetry for months but I got over it. The key for me was that I HAD to lose weight if I wanted to keep working therfore the temptation to give in and let it be was not an option, especially since it wasn't a stretch for me to be completely accepting of the situation anyway. But the controlling aspect of his actions was what was intolerable. Like any person who gets into a relationship where a guy gets hooked on drugs or becomes abusive it can be very difficult if not impossible to escape. But short of placing all men in concentration camps the only solution is to try to educate women to be aware and watch for red flags.
Exactly. Red flags are there for a reason, but people do get deceived in relationships all the time. Does that mean it was your fault? I don't think so, Lilly. However, as a responsible person who loves herself, the thing to do would be to remove yourself, as you did, and as I would do, too. But it would undeniably be with no small measure of sadness and pain. Sorry that happened to you.
__________________
"I'm really tired of a fat woman's sexuality being just another fat joke." -- Felicia/Supero

"It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their back legs. Now witness their attmpts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet." -- Monty Python's Flying Circus
Tina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 10:47 AM   #131
MisticalMisty
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 6,362
MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina View Post
My reason for doing it was to hope that you might be able to see it in a more personal way, rather than the detached, seemingly cold, way that you have been reacting. I'm telling no secrets, nor am I using your words against you. And I am not against you personally, but I think that you are refusing to see that these things can happen and that maybe it's not always the woman's fault. If it happened to you in that way would it be YOUR fault? If you want to discount me for something like this, fine. But I honestly think it would be for reasons other than me using two things you have repeated here multiple times because I am talking to you about your life. That such an innocuous thing, not meant in any negative way, nor portrayed in any negative way, can get you so enraged does make me wonder.
If you reread my posts the only relationships I have even commented on are those that are CONSENSUAL. I'm not cold by any means. However, if a woman goes into a relationship knowing that she's with a feeder who wants her to gain, A LOT, then it's her responsibility to take care of herself. I'm not going to feel a large amount of pity for someone who WILLINGLY puts them self into a position that could ultimately be harmful for them.

My response to Ripley was about men she was talking to who she KNEW were feeders. In that instance, it's her responsibility to do what's right for her. She was in control of the situation if she was aware that she was chatting with feeders. All she had to do was hit the x or logout or put the user on ignore.

I've never made any mention about the non-consensual side of things and that's why I thought your scenario to be unfair..and you insinuating that I'm cold and heartless is completely uncalled for because I am neither.
MisticalMisty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 10:54 AM   #132
LillyBBBW
Wig Snatcher
 
LillyBBBW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 9,794
LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina View Post
Exactly. Red flags are there for a reason, but people do get deceived in relationships all the time. Does that mean it was your fault? I don't think so, Lilly. However, as a responsible person who loves herself, the thing to do would be to remove yourself, as you did, and as I would do, too. But it would undeniably be with no small measure of sadness and pain. Sorry that happened to you.
I agree an you are exactly right Tina however I need to clarify something for my own conscience. My story was a little different in that my boyfriend never encouraged me to gain. I was always in hyper diet mode because I had lost weight to get a role in and opera. Once I got the role I was killing myself trying to stay this artificial weight so that my costume didn't have to be altered. When the opera was over I went hog wild and over indulged for a summer, invovling him in my sinister plan to slap the skinny loving poplace soundly in the face. We were happier than flies in sh*t but when I came to my senses and tried to lose weight again my boyfriend, whom I had not been gatting along with during my bitchy obsessive diet/workaholic phase, did not want to go back to the way things were so he broke it off. I admit that he was more than happy to facilitate my wishes to gain, but he was not the sly sinister protagonist as implied earlier. The dieting was a part of why he dumped me but there was way more to it than just that.
__________________
Expecting the world to treat you kindly because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

"...If the only pain you recognize as valid is your own, of course you'll have trouble identifying it when you see it in other people. That's the trouble with narcissism. It makes you really inadequate and boring."

Have you hugged a fat girl today?

@~;~~
LillyBBBW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 11:02 AM   #133
Tina
Older and wiser now
 
Tina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: location, location.
Posts: 15,215
Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MisticalMisty View Post
If you reread my posts the only relationships I have even commented on are those that are CONSENSUAL. I'm not cold by any means. However, if a woman goes into a relationship knowing that she's with a feeder who wants her to gain, A LOT, then it's her responsibility to take care of herself. I'm not going to feel a large amount of pity for someone who WILLINGLY puts them self into a position that could ultimately be harmful for them.

My response to Ripley was about men she was talking to who she KNEW were feeders. In that instance, it's her responsibility to do what's right for her. She was in control of the situation if she was aware that she was chatting with feeders. All she had to do was hit the x or logout or put the user on ignore.

I've never made any mention about the non-consensual side of things and that's why I thought your scenario to be unfair..and you insinuating that I'm cold and heartless is completely uncalled for because I am neither.
Okay, I hear you on this, and agree with you when it comes to knowing from the start and choosing to go along with it anyway. But I never said you are a cold and heartless person, did I? I said "the detached, seemingly cold, way that you have been reacting." Huge difference there. I certainly did not, and would not, characterize you that way.

Thing is, situations are not always cut and dried, and people do not always know they are, or even understand the implications of, hooking up with a feeder. Being in this community and seeing what those of us who have been here long term have seen, we're pretty hip to the situation, but not all are. I know you want a family, as do many, many people. This is not 'your' information, and I wasn't using this against you, but more to illustrate that the desire for love is one of the strongest drives we have. A person's desire for love and for a family can blind them and lead them to do many things they wouldn't normally. If love is blinding a person, they are still responsible for their behavior, but can they be 'blamed'? It happens every day, to both women and men. Both women and men deceive, too, and can be very good at it. My post to you didn't just have to do with your response to ripley, but the way it seems that you do not give an inch

Do we know that in all cases the person hooking up with a feeder really understood what that was. Relationships start in lots of places, not just venues like this, where we're hip to what can happen. You might not have made any mention of the non-consensual side, but others have and your reaction was the same. That is what made me wonder what your opinion would be, and if you would still blame the woman, if such a thing happened to you? Maybe it would give you a bit of empathy, that not everything is seen at first, and sometimes things unfold in ways you never would have expected.

In life and relationships, if you don't know, you don't know. But once you do, it's up to the person to decide what they will choose. At that point, I think they deserve some compassion, not blame.
__________________
"I'm really tired of a fat woman's sexuality being just another fat joke." -- Felicia/Supero

"It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their back legs. Now witness their attmpts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet." -- Monty Python's Flying Circus

Last edited by Tina; 04-14-2007 at 11:15 AM.
Tina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 11:20 AM   #134
MisticalMisty
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 6,362
MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.MisticalMisty has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina View Post
You might not have made any mention of the non-consensual side, but others have and your reaction was the same. That is what made me wonder what your opinion would be, and if you would still blame the woman, if such a thing happened to you? Maybe it would give you a bit of empathy, that not everything is seen at first, and sometimes things unfold in ways you never would have expected.
I went back and reread the entire thread and all of my responses and I didn't see anywhere that I had responded to anyone who made mention of the non-consensual side. If I did..I missed it.

I would definitely put the blame on me if I were to ever be in a similar relationship. The last "relationship" I had was totally unhealthy for me and I allowed it to go on longer than it should have because I was stupid. Could he be to blame? Maybe..but the blame still falls 99.9% onto my hands for allowing myself to be exploring a relationship that was unhealthy for me. I know myself better than anyone and I have a responsibility to myself to do what's right for me...no one else knows what's good for me..only I do.

Dating and relationships, the good and bad, are all learning experiences. There are things that I will never allow to happen again now that I've experienced them. However, I can't go into my next relationship believing that the new guy will be anything like the old guy. That's where my biggest cry of foul has come from.

There are extremes in any situation. There are times that we make choices that are bad for us and we have to face the consequences. However, we can't blame anyone but ourselves for the way our lives turn out. We can't make generalizations about an entire group of people when only a select few are the bad eggs. We can't automatically victimize all women that are in this lifestyle and demonize the men. I'm not saying that you are doing that Tina, I'm just making an observation based on what's been happening on this board.



MisticalMisty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 11:21 AM   #135
Tina
Older and wiser now
 
Tina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: location, location.
Posts: 15,215
Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
I agree an you are exactly right Tina however I need to clarify something for my own conscience. My story was a little different in that my boyfriend never encouraged me to gain. I was always in hyper diet mode because I had lost weight to get a role in and opera. Once I got the role I was killing myself trying to stay this artificial weight so that my costume didn't have to be altered. When the opera was over I went hog wild and over indulged for a summer, invovling him in my sinister plan to slap the skinny loving poplace soundly in the face. We were happier than flies in sh*t but when I came to my senses and tried to lose weight again my boyfriend, whom I had not been gatting along with during my bitchy obsessive diet/workaholic phase, did not want to go back to the way things were so he broke it off. I admit that he was more than happy to facilitate my wishes to gain, but he was not the sly sinister protagonist as implied earlier. The dieting was a part of why he dumped me but there was way more to it than just that.
I can understand that, Lilly. After a lifetime of either restricting our own eating off and on, or also maybe parents restricting our eating, damn it feels good to just cut loose, doesn't it? So I understand that he wasn't necessarily a negative kind of feeder who behaved in an ugly way to you, but an encourager, but he wanted, it seems, for you to continue to get bigger, or at least stay the same. Knowing that, you couldn't stay. I wouldn't be able to, either, because ultimately, our health is the most precious thing we have. Without it, nothing else can hold much meaning. This of course, excepts those with a terminal disease who have accepted their imminent death and who have undergone a spiritual transformation. We do what we have to do, and were I you, I would have likely done the same thing, right down to posting to clarify that it wasn't all his 'fault.'
__________________
"I'm really tired of a fat woman's sexuality being just another fat joke." -- Felicia/Supero

"It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their back legs. Now witness their attmpts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet." -- Monty Python's Flying Circus
Tina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 11:36 AM   #136
Tina
Older and wiser now
 
Tina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: location, location.
Posts: 15,215
Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MisticalMisty View Post
I went back and reread the entire thread and all of my responses and I didn't see anywhere that I had responded to anyone who made mention of the non-consensual side. If I did..I missed it.

I would definitely put the blame on me if I were to ever be in a similar relationship. The last "relationship" I had was totally unhealthy for me and I allowed it to go on longer than it should have because I was stupid. Could he be to blame? Maybe..but the blame still falls 99.9% onto my hands for allowing myself to be exploring a relationship that was unhealthy for me. I know myself better than anyone and I have a responsibility to myself to do what's right for me...no one else knows what's good for me..only I do.
Of course, and I do not deny that. But it was hard to do, right? And have you at times even wanted to go back because it IS so hard? That is not a sign of weakness, as you have been very strong in your life and in the things we have talked about. But it is human to want compassion and comfort, love and warmth, and sometimes, in the wee hours of the night, we might feel for a moment that we are willing to trade the right thing for the comforting thing -- or, I should say, the illusion of comfort. We all have those conflicts, I think, and the one thing that I did take from what you have posted here that is only specific to you was the whole "feeder, send me some food" thing. The reason why I brought that up as a mixed message is that things like that can be a comfort, too, right? After a lousy, rotten day, it's a lovely thought to have someone we care about to bring us something yummy that will soothe. But as someone who doesn't want a feeder, or to be a feedee, if some lurker reads it and is a chatter, maybe it's not so out of line for him to think you dig it. The rest of the scenario was general, though you do fit the whole wanting a mate and family, but so do many other people. That is not unique. It was never my intention to hurt you, Misty. It was never my intention to put you down, because I don't think you should be put down. It was more my intention to say, "Hey, why not allow that sometimes it's not the woman's fault. Sometimes things happen that are out of her control."
Quote:
Dating and relationships, the good and bad, are all learning experiences. There are things that I will never allow to happen again now that I've experienced them. However, I can't go into my next relationship believing that the new guy will be anything like the old guy. That's where my biggest cry of foul has come from.
I'm not saying it will be. Not only is it not up to me, but it's none of my business and I cannot see into your future. The scenario I wrote was written to show how sometimes we don't know what we're getting into, even when we are careful. We also don't always know those we love, too. Doesn't mean I'm paranoid or saying you should be, just that it happens. It's happened to me, and has happened to many other women and men -- non-feeder and non-feedee alike -- just average people.
Quote:
There are extremes in any situation. There are times that we make choices that are bad for us and we have to face the consequences. However, we can't blame anyone but ourselves for the way our lives turn out.
I think a person can, depending upon the situation, but in the short-term. Some people have been victimized and they should not be blamed or accused for what happened to them. But no matter if we were victims at one point in our lives, we do have to move on and take our own lives in our own hands and take charge.
Quote:
We can't make generalizations about an entire group of people when only a select few are the bad eggs. We can't automatically victimize all women that are in this lifestyle and demonize the men. I'm not saying that you are doing that Tina, I'm just making an observation based on what's been happening on this board.
I agree. As I've said I've seen both genders screw over the other. And how often do you see these nice guys with some woman who is a raging bitch who doesn't appreciate him at all? It's unfair to paint one gender, one culture, one race, one group with the same brush. It will never hold true.

Again, Misty, I apologize if I have hurt you, and it seems I have. I also appreciate our conversation off-board. Please know I did not have bad intentions in what I have written.
__________________
"I'm really tired of a fat woman's sexuality being just another fat joke." -- Felicia/Supero

"It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their back legs. Now witness their attmpts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet." -- Monty Python's Flying Circus

Last edited by Tina; 04-14-2007 at 11:38 AM.
Tina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 12:10 PM   #137
Tina
Older and wiser now
 
Tina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: location, location.
Posts: 15,215
Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

I think I'm going to remove myself from these discussions. I've still been having difficulties from the surgery I had about a week and a half ago, which was my third in under six months. That, combined with some pretty overwhelming stress and some of the other health problems I've had might be affecting my judgement. I seem to have caused problems twice now within a week in ways that do not usually happen. I apologize to those I have offended.
__________________
"I'm really tired of a fat woman's sexuality being just another fat joke." -- Felicia/Supero

"It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their back legs. Now witness their attmpts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet." -- Monty Python's Flying Circus
Tina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 12:14 PM   #138
LillyBBBW
Wig Snatcher
 
LillyBBBW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 9,794
LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

I'm not sure how wide spread this particular issue is but in my travels I've heard stories of men also being manipualted by women who present themselves as something they're not. Some schmo who happens to be a pretty decent normal guy except for the fact that he is really turned on by wieght gain. He's mostly aware of the dangers and risks associated with gaining, not to mention the fantasy itself is about as far a leap from reality as you can get.

Then some girl comes on to him about how she luuurves to eat and gain, she's got pictures, she talks the talk, etc. and she wants to run away with him and live fattilly ever after. The guy is eventually sucked in because he really 'wants' to believe. I've known guys who have sent money, they've been totally taken advantage of by a manipulative person who exploited his desires and left him heartbroken and embarassed to have been so easly taken despite numerous red flags. It happens. How often I don't know. I'm suspecting maybe a bit more often than anyone realizes because of the embarassment of a guy having to confess such a thing.

I'm just bringing it up because it's there. It's not always about the poor woman being made victim by a bad feeder but the game can be played the other way as well. Everybody has to be careful.
__________________
Expecting the world to treat you kindly because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

"...If the only pain you recognize as valid is your own, of course you'll have trouble identifying it when you see it in other people. That's the trouble with narcissism. It makes you really inadequate and boring."

Have you hugged a fat girl today?

@~;~~
LillyBBBW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 12:17 PM   #139
LillyBBBW
Wig Snatcher
 
LillyBBBW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 9,794
LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Oh Tina, I'm sorry to see you go. I've really been appreciative of your input into this as it has given us all plenty to think about. If you must step back then by all means do so but I want you to know I've really enjoyed the things you've had to say.

I would rep you but the system says I can't anymore.
__________________
Expecting the world to treat you kindly because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

"...If the only pain you recognize as valid is your own, of course you'll have trouble identifying it when you see it in other people. That's the trouble with narcissism. It makes you really inadequate and boring."

Have you hugged a fat girl today?

@~;~~
LillyBBBW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 01:11 PM   #140
AnnMarie
✰cuddly and terrifying✰
 
AnnMarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Twirly Girl
Posts: 16,296
AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ripley View Post
One thing that really bothers me is that everyone is always saying that the feeders/feedees get "picked on" and can't we just let them be etc. etc....well, feeders never let ME be.

I'm quite comfortably into SSBBW territory. and yet it's still never enough. If they are FAs (which I don't think they are) I've got more than enough F to A. There is something wrong when that is not enough; when I'm asked time and time again if I'm gaining or would be amenable to gaining. I'm not a person, I'm a balloon to be inflated.

Some girls are feedees and get off on it...I get that. More power to 'em, and I'll offer them all the sympathy I can muster when they post on the main board about being bedridden, are too big to fit in the ambulance, that their upkeep is ruining their husband's back and their marriage, they're in constant pain, and could someone please help?

A feeder told me, on first talking to me, that he'd marry me if I gained to 500. I was curious, and asked him if he could ever be happy in a relationship if the woman wasn't actively gaining, and he said no, that he couldn't be 100% happy. I don't think that's such a rare thing for a feeder. And to me it is WRONG. It puts a burden on any partner when the other partner's happiness depends on their altering their very being, in ways that, like it or not, are ultimately harmful.

You say let the feeders/feedees be, that it's consensual, that the participants are into it and know the risks...I say that maybe in a perfect world that's true. In the real world, there are exponentially more feeders than there are genuine feedees, and those feeders are so driven, so very very driven, that they actively recruit women to gain. Nine out of ten people who PM me in chat ask me if I'm gaining or would be amenable to gaining.

You know what the sad thing is? At one point I was tempted. I'm a very smart person, and I know my worth. I am lonely, though, and just looking at the odds of me finding a mate...they would increase tremendously if I would pretend to be a feedee. And if I could be tempted, so could other women. Couple the need for love and a mate with a SSBBW's natural inclination to creep up in weight...and you've got a volatile situation. Sure, he's not forcing her, controlling her, whatever...but it is a situation that mentally is not healthy for the woman.

I think it's interesting the comparison Brenda (?) drew between those that are aroused by amputating their own limbs and feeders/feedees. I wonder if people think that's A-OK 'cause after all, they know they'll end up in a wheelchair or with a prosthesis, but hey, they'll have a boner doing it so it's all good?
I agree with you Ripley, and anyone that I may have been "defending" are NOT the guys you're talking about in your experience. I've never been involved in a feedee/feeder relationship, it's not something I'm into, but I have dated guys who have tendencies/fantasies (fine by me) and I never miss a meal, so it works out fine. I know feeders from both online and in person. None of the men that I would include in my "defense" are as you described at all.

In an ideal world they'd be happy to see the gain, but even then it probably has limits not only in her mobility and happiness, but in pocketbook and upkeep. The men you described are manipulative, and to me that approach and badgering is NOT part of anything I include as consensual.

Essentially, we're talking about very different men who fall under a similar header - but not the same guys. I think much of the point of those defending is that it's not an all or nothing issue, not all people interested in feeding are safe/sane/rational/consensual and not all people interested in feeding are manipulative/controlling/evil puppet masters.

More often than not the really nice, simple guy who simply gets a certain amount of "rocks off" over a cute fat girl downing some cupcakes, or her jeans being too tight after a big meal, is lost in the murk and the mire of the "evil empire" of feeders, and because of that they're much less vocal, much less willing to share, and add another face to the issue (as Heather has attempted to do from the feedee side). They feel instantly like they'll be grouped in, and I'm glad we're all having this discussion. Maybe they'll be more likely to poke their heads out of the sand and say something to at least add another dimension.
__________________
So ... yeah.
AnnMarie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 01:40 PM   #141
AnnMarie
✰cuddly and terrifying✰
 
AnnMarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Twirly Girl
Posts: 16,296
AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
I'm not sure how wide spread this particular issue is but in my travels I've heard stories of men also being manipualted by women who present themselves as something they're not. Some schmo who happens to be a pretty decent normal guy except for the fact that he is really turned on by wieght gain. He's mostly aware of the dangers and risks associated with gaining, not to mention the fantasy itself is about as far a leap from reality as you can get.

Then some girl comes on to him about how she luuurves to eat and gain, she's got pictures, she talks the talk, etc. and she wants to run away with him and live fattilly ever after. The guy is eventually sucked in because he really 'wants' to believe. I've known guys who have sent money, they've been totally taken advantage of by a manipulative person who exploited his desires and left him heartbroken and embarassed to have been so easly taken despite numerous red flags. It happens. How often I don't know. I'm suspecting maybe a bit more often than anyone realizes because of the embarassment of a guy having to confess such a thing.

I'm just bringing it up because it's there. It's not always about the poor woman being made victim by a bad feeder but the game can be played the other way as well. Everybody has to be careful.
It happens ALLL the time!!!!!

And that's all I've got to say about that.
__________________
So ... yeah.
AnnMarie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 02:26 PM   #142
like em big
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 44
like em big has said some nice things
Cool swindler who exploits the confidence of his victim

A con artist needs no particular gender. Male or female can be truthful or not.
like em big is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 02:49 PM   #143
ripley
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,955
ripley has ascended what used to be the highest level.ripley has ascended what used to be the highest level.ripley has ascended what used to be the highest level.ripley has ascended what used to be the highest level.ripley has ascended what used to be the highest level.ripley has ascended what used to be the highest level.ripley has ascended what used to be the highest level.ripley has ascended what used to be the highest level.ripley has ascended what used to be the highest level.ripley has ascended what used to be the highest level.ripley has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MisticalMisty View Post
Again, it's a person's responsibility to realize what is right and what is wrong for them. It's easy on the internet..STOP TALKING TO THE PERSON! I've done that on many occasions. As soon as they make me uncomfortable, they get a message telling them so and then I don't speak with them again.

One of the first questions I ask when a guy PMs me is what "is he." I'll ask if he's just an fa, or a feeder..etc. I want to know who I'm talking to. I know that if he's a feeder into weight gain, then he's not the guy for me. So he's told and we can continue to chat as friends or we can end communication.





Pretending to be anything you are not is deceitful, no matter if you're talking about being a feedee or not. I've been lonely too. It can be hard, but you can't allow yourself to change to find some man. It's not worth it and eventually the relationship will implode anyways because it's been built on lies.

Again, the temptation is a personal responsibility. Do I feel sorry for the girls waldo mentioned? somewhat, but they are adults and have to do what's right for them.




Just ignore them. Unless they have approached you in real life, hit the delete or ignore button. It really IS that simple.

Feeders are just like FA's just like members of the opposite sex when dating. The bad apples spoil the bunch. Not every feeder is some manipulative asshole looking to fatten his woman at all cost. Not every FA is some creepy dude that only wants to date your fat..Not every man/woman is a jerk/bitch. Do they exist? Yes..but it's unfair to generalize and stereotype the entire group based on the actions of a select few.

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences Ripley, I really am and I more than understand the loneliness of being a ssbbw. You just have to fight to stay true to who you are no matter who you come in contact with.

I DO ignore them, quit talking to them, let them know right away that I don't intentionally gain. I'm not "stereotyping the entire group based on the actions of a select few." What I am saying is that PERSONALLY, every feeder I've come into contact with on a one-to-one basis is obsessed. They literally cannot see past the feeder drive. They are in love with their fetish, and that makes the other partner just a vehicle for it's expression, not as an equal partner, respected and loved. What I see with my own eyes is that a feeding fetish is one of the most driven I have ever encountered. I don't know if it's our society (that of SA/Dims) that allows it to flourish but in magnitude it dwarfs something like a shoe fetish in drive every day of the week.







Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina View Post
I think I'm going to remove myself from these discussions. I've still been having difficulties from the surgery I had about a week and a half ago, which was my third in under six months. That, combined with some pretty overwhelming stress and some of the other health problems I've had might be affecting my judgment. I seem to have caused problems twice now within a week in ways that do not usually happen. I apologize to those I have offended.

This makes me sad but I understand it. Having had a high weight and mobility issues makes your posts have a lot of truth and immediacy to them. I hope you feel better soon, T.




Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnMarie View Post
I agree with you Ripley, and anyone that I may have been "defending" are NOT the guys you're talking about in your experience. I've never been involved in a feedee/feeder relationship, it's not something I'm into, but I have dated guys who have tendencies/fantasies (fine by me) and I never miss a meal, so it works out fine. I know feeders from both online and in person. None of the men that I would include in my "defense" are as you described at all.

In an ideal world they'd be happy to see the gain, but even then it probably has limits not only in her mobility and happiness, but in pocketbook and upkeep. The men you described are manipulative, and to me that approach and badgering is NOT part of anything I include as consensual.

Essentially, we're talking about very different men who fall under a similar header - but not the same guys. I think much of the point of those defending is that it's not an all or nothing issue, not all people interested in feeding are safe/sane/rational/consensual and not all people interested in feeding are manipulative/controlling/evil puppet masters.

More often than not the really nice, simple guy who simply gets a certain amount of "rocks off" over a cute fat girl downing some cupcakes, or her jeans being too tight after a big meal, is lost in the murk and the mire of the "evil empire" of feeders, and because of that they're much less vocal, much less willing to share, and add another face to the issue (as Heather has attempted to do from the feedee side). They feel instantly like they'll be grouped in, and I'm glad we're all having this discussion. Maybe they'll be more likely to poke their heads out of the sand and say something to at least add another dimension.

I talked to a guy that liked it when I'd talk about eating, and who always gave me the sad face if I'd talk about dieting. That, to me, does not make him a feeder. In fact, he's always told me that if I wanted to lose he'd help me (he's an exercise/weight lifter type) but I'm always the one who never follows through with it, lol.

That's the difference, though. A guy who'd say "I'll help you lose if that's what you really want" and one who takes it as a personal affront if you want to lose, and that your relationship would hinge on it.


Heather has very eloquently told us her side and given a "face" to a willing feedee. The thing is...I think there are tons of nervous/situational feedees that get into that lifestyle for whatever reason that is NOT being a true feedee. We could say "tough shit, you're an adult, it's your own fault" but that's not exactly true, and I personally don't want to be that hard and lacking in compassion. What happens to that feedee? When their marriage and the love of their partner hinges on living that fantasy in all it's day to day pain and drudgery? What if they have kids? Are they expected to help shoulder the burden of a parent that has compromised mobility? It is very, very, very rarely just a consensual thing that two adults do. It's a vortex that sucks in anything in it's orbit.
__________________
.

ripley is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 05:42 PM   #144
alienlanes
no longer slackin'
 
alienlanes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: NYC
Posts: 765
alienlanes is a pillar of the Dimensions communityalienlanes is a pillar of the Dimensions communityalienlanes is a pillar of the Dimensions communityalienlanes is a pillar of the Dimensions communityalienlanes is a pillar of the Dimensions communityalienlanes is a pillar of the Dimensions communityalienlanes is a pillar of the Dimensions communityalienlanes is a pillar of the Dimensions communityalienlanes is a pillar of the Dimensions communityalienlanes is a pillar of the Dimensions communityalienlanes is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnMarie View Post
Essentially, we're talking about very different men who fall under a similar header - but not the same guys. I think much of the point of those defending is that it's not an all or nothing issue, not all people interested in feeding are safe/sane/rational/consensual and not all people interested in feeding are manipulative/controlling/evil puppet masters.

More often than not the really nice, simple guy who simply gets a certain amount of "rocks off" over a cute fat girl downing some cupcakes, or her jeans being too tight after a big meal, is lost in the murk and the mire of the "evil empire" of feeders, and because of that they're much less vocal, much less willing to share, and add another face to the issue (as Heather has attempted to do from the feedee side). They feel instantly like they'll be grouped in, and I'm glad we're all having this discussion. Maybe they'll be more likely to poke their heads out of the sand and say something to at least add another dimension.
Thanks, AM. This is exactly what I wanted to say. From the stories Tina and Ripley have been telling, it sounds like there are more real-life "toxic feeders" than I would have expected, and yeah, the anonymity of the Internet lets men to unleash their inner creep in a consequence-free environment. But I suspect, because I'm part of it, that there's a "silent majority" of guys with WG fantasies who would never force, manipulate or trick someone into gaining without their full, informed consent. Not because we're super moral or super special, but because we're normal, decent human beings who recognize the differences between fantasy and reality and between the bedroom and the rest of the house.

I could be wrong about this -- I'm a) new to the community, and b) not female, so I don't have the range of experiences that a lot of you do. But I bet there are a lot of guys who enjoy seeing their partner eat or roleplaying "ooh, I'm so full," but would never deliberately make them gain, any more than the average BDSM enthusiast would actually, non-consensually torture someone.

And yeah, FWIW, as a recent de-lurker I do feel very nervous about being open with my fantasies, especially using an account in which I've previously posted information about my real life identity. I'm trying to get over my own shame and self-hatred about having these fantasies, and feeling like I'm being lumped in with the proverbial manipulative control freak doesn't help

This may not be their intention, but I get the impression that a lot of the "anti-feeder" posters in this thread are skeptical about whether any guy with a WG fetish can truly control his desires -- and yeah, I'm hurt by that.

"What if he's the perfect man, except he's secretly feeding you?" Maybe I'm naive, but I just don't think that many guys are that kind of hardcore sociopath. If he's such a slave to his sexual urges, he probably doesn't have his shit together in the rest of his life either. Again, I don't have personal experience of this, but I suspect that Lilly's right about the average online feeder creep being either a deeply frustrated married guy or an undateable loser bachelor.

We regular joes need to speak up more, I guess
alienlanes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 08:34 PM   #145
Fuzzy
Just a dirty old man
 
Fuzzy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: 600 South viaduct refrigerator box
Posts: 9,809
Fuzzy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fuzzy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fuzzy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fuzzy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fuzzy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fuzzy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fuzzy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fuzzy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fuzzy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fuzzy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fuzzy has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

This feeder is keeping his head down in the foxhole

__________________
No! Clothed in chocolate. Totally different process.

Last edited by Fuzzy; 04-14-2007 at 08:36 PM.
Fuzzy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2007, 11:43 PM   #146
lemmink
THE PUMMEL IS COMING
 
lemmink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Canberra
Posts: 769
lemmink knows EXACTLY what's going onlemmink knows EXACTLY what's going onlemmink knows EXACTLY what's going onlemmink knows EXACTLY what's going onlemmink knows EXACTLY what's going onlemmink knows EXACTLY what's going on
Default

I keep coming to this thread, starting a post, and then quitting in the middle when RL intervenes. Hopefully I'll actually manage to complete my post at some point...

There's so many different degrees of feederism that it's v. hard to argue cogently for one side or the other. If you say "Feederism is great!" someone is going to say, "Yes, but some feeders make people immobile/leave them/use them..." If you say "Feederism is bad," someone else will say, "My husband's a feeder but doesn't want me to gain much, maybe just a few pounds, and I'm a feeder and find it really exciting and sexually fulfilling" or "I'm a feeder and my girlfriend and I play out feeder games but we aren't really into weight gain, just the idea of it."

I think it might be easier to just say, "emotionally degrading/abusive/manipulative relationships are bad", and that this is true where it applies to any relationship - feeder, bdsm, vanilla, whatever - as a kind of disclaimer before addressing any feeder-specific elements of those relationships.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chimpi
I believe that many Feeders, and Feeders mind you, have no desire to experience or "help" another person gain weight. I believe a person that has a desire for food, and/or a desire to see someone eat food, in a purely sexual standpoint, may want nothing to do with gaining weight. I'm not sure how large in numbers (no pun intended) those people are in this world, but I'm not going to really delve into that either.
I guess I shouldn't say it's really "odd" that the thread seems to have mainly concentrated on the extreme side of feederism. However, I'm with Chimpi in that feederism doesn't technically have anything to do with having someone else gain weight. All the feeders I've met IRL - most of whom, I'm pretty sure, had no idea that that's what they were, and that there was an actual word for it - weren't into weight gain. They just got their rocks off cooking for women, watching women eat, feeding women. I'm almost certain that feeders like that are in the vast majority. Very few feeders/feedees seem to be into immobility as a reality. I don't know how many people are lying about their desire, but that's just how I've seen it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MisticalMisty
I think what really saddens me the most is that people immediately assume that the woman is a victim...oh she has to be a victim. How sad is it when we believe our gender to be unable to make decisions such as these?
Both men and women stay in abusive relationships - of any kind - even when they see all the warning signs, even when they're suffering physical/mental pain/abuse, even when everyoen around them is telling them to get out. They do it for many reasons - they're in love, they're scared of being alone, they're scared of losing their lifestyle, they're scared of their partner, they're in denial that there's a problem, they're worried about their children, etc, etc.

If someone feels trapped and powerless within a feeder/feedee relationship, whatever their gender, I'd call them a victim. It might have been their own naivete that got them into the situation, but that doesn't make them any less of a victim. People may play along in a role and then suddenly discover that things have gone too far and that now they can't get out - they have no trustworthy support group available to help them, emotionally or physically. Not all people are strong-willed in those kind of situations, and not all people even know what the 'danger signs' are.

As other people have said, I don't think it's very hard to believe that this kind of thing could happen to someone. That said, I think it doesn't happen that often - that kind of abusive relationship is so rare compared to the number of feeders that aren't into that extreme.





Eh. To contextualise this post I should add that I'm a feeder, female, and in a feeder/feedee relationship with someone who's only doing it because he likes the attention. I'd guess he's a situational feedee, which is a different lil' issue again. I don't think there's a terrible problem with playing up to your partner's fantasies, though, within reason.

Also, I swear to god, when I started this post I was actually contributing something new to it... but writing this between RL stuff has taken about six hours.
lemmink is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2007, 07:14 AM   #147
Green Eyed Fairy
Flash Dancing
 
Green Eyed Fairy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In Your Head
Posts: 18,067
Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina View Post
I think I'm going to remove myself from these discussions. I've still been having difficulties from the surgery I had about a week and a half ago, which was my third in under six months. That, combined with some pretty overwhelming stress and some of the other health problems I've had might be affecting my judgement. I seem to have caused problems twice now within a week in ways that do not usually happen. I apologize to those I have offended.
If you are to "blame" for this open discussion, which has been productive and much needed IMO, then it seems like a good thing to me.

and thanks to AM for making the thread

One more thing to add myself, I keep remembering that loving feeder couple I saw on the Ablow show a few months back. They actually seemed very happy and were a good example IMO for those of us that don't really understand otherwise. They, and the nice men I have talked to online, are the "bright spots" in my mind about feederism. As in all things, good examples help to bring balance.
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


"The longing of my heart is a fairy portrait of myself: I want to be pretty; I want to eliminate facts and fill up the gap with charms."

"See these eyes so green, I can stare for a thousand years, Colder than the moon
It's been so long and I've been putting out fire with gasoline"

Last edited by Green Eyed Fairy; 04-15-2007 at 07:19 AM.
Green Eyed Fairy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2007, 12:16 PM   #148
Totmacher
 
Totmacher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Montebello, NY
Posts: 2,024
Totmacher knows EXACTLY what's going onTotmacher knows EXACTLY what's going onTotmacher knows EXACTLY what's going onTotmacher knows EXACTLY what's going onTotmacher knows EXACTLY what's going onTotmacher knows EXACTLY what's going onTotmacher knows EXACTLY what's going on
Cool

Darn it! There's no way in heck I'm gonna be able to wade through all these posts and say something sarcastic now!
Totmacher is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2007, 10:31 PM   #149
SocialbFly
I am keeping Tina!
 
SocialbFly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In a house
Posts: 3,090
SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.SocialbFly has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default you know

i am going to present an opposite opinion to some expressed here...first of all, let me say one thing....while i really do support free will, we need to talk about it a little....

first of all, this is a general response, there will be some ppl who will say, hey, this is some of what i posted, but it is not in general about you, but you gave me something to think about....ok. so that being said, i hope you will look at this as i am...

first of all, i am a fat woman already, i am 6 ft tall and weigh in somewhere around 460...that being said, my fat never bothered me when i was younger, now here i am 47 and crap...my body is screaming at me to weigh less...i think that is one thing that i think the younger women who are feeders need to realize, that while you are young your body handles things better, i have always been big and strong..but lately, oh for around the past 4 years or so, my body has been very upset and i am trying to listen to it...

yes, i am against Forced feederism....but erotic weight gain is something that is a personal choice (although not one i am into), but to say it is without problems is just a falicy...i am going to compare it to smoking cigarettes, you like to smoke (well, i dont so no screaming about that) you know it isnt good for you, you know it can kill you, or make your life shorter, but you do it anyway....that is how i view erotic weight gain.

that is my opinion to fat, i make a choice every time i put food into my mouth to stay this way...i know if i get on the treadmill (like one of my friends does) or if i get out my walking sticks and continue to watch what i am eating, i will at least maybe lose a little so my back or knees quit whining...i always said when the fat affected me, i would try to lose some of it...but here i am...

so what am i trying to say...

fat is not without its own issues, NO i am not presuming you stupid or that you dont already know that, but i can tell you as a nurse, that if you are ever truly sick, that your care WILL be altered due to your size, and depending on what is wrong with you, you may die simply because you are fat. yes, we choose to live life as a fat person, i dont mind being big and strong, but i hate walking slower at work, i hate limping when i first stand up because my knees hurt, i hate that after i work a HARD 12 hour shift that it takes two days for me to recover....i could go on and on..

why am i telling you this? would i have listened or read this when i was younger, i am not sure...but i know that my fat never bothered me when i was under 40, i was active as heck, biked, did my yard/house stuff, had three big dogs, yada yada yada....

now i am 47 and my back hurts and my knees hurt, i will probably die from a stomach bleed related to all the ibuprofen i take...

sexy isnt it?? hot isnt it??

the 16 year old that i watched die cause he was tooo fat to get a heart transplant sucked...it hurt like hell to watch him die, he was a kind and funny kid...did he deserve to die just cause he was fat?? no, but he did...do i see my beautiful fat nieces every time i think about J??? you bet, they are both that size and god forbid if they ever got a bad cardiomyopathy or something it would be devastating...hot isnt it???

i am not saying you should not do what you want...it is your choice, but to think there is no repercussions is not accurate, no matter if it is a willing choice or not...your young healthy body might just be that right now, but did you notice how many FEWER really fat chicks there are in my age group....

do you think that is just because we want to look good in our swim suits?? no, i promise you, i dont give a fuck about that, but ask me, do i want to be able to walk a couple of miles (even several blocks!), do i want to watch my nieces have kids and do i want to be able to stand and hold them for as long as needed, you bet...

i dont give a rats ass what society thinks anymore (or at least one heck of a lot less than when i was younger), that is one of the blessings of age, but one of the curses of age is a wisdom to understand what is happening in our lives, in our bodies...

that is called reality...and yes, sometimes it sucks.
__________________
LEARN to ACCEPT without GUILT what is given in LOVE to you. RV

Medical advisor to the Mayor of Fatopia :)
SocialbFly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-16-2007, 06:59 AM   #150
LillyBBBW
Wig Snatcher
 
LillyBBBW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 9,794
LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.LillyBBBW has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Fuzzy, your avatar is scary.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzy View Post
This feeder is keeping his head down in the foxhole

__________________
Expecting the world to treat you kindly because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

"...If the only pain you recognize as valid is your own, of course you'll have trouble identifying it when you see it in other people. That's the trouble with narcissism. It makes you really inadequate and boring."

Have you hugged a fat girl today?

@~;~~
LillyBBBW is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:09 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.