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Old 12-22-2005, 06:44 PM   #1
Tarella
 
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Default **holds mistletoe and bell above head and wiggles**

**Wiggles Mistletoe above her head**

Happy Holidays Everyone.
I hope the New Year will bring each
and everyone of you, good health,
warm cheer, laughter and love.

Thought I would share this cute Christmas poem with you.
Maybe someone with creativity could make
it into a Dimensions type of Christmas Poem.



A Seasonal Request


Now I've tried all the normal approaches
All the pick-ups an' chat-ups an' stuff
Tried mi hand at so-phistication
Wi' some girls who were nowt if not rough
I've been seen down the discos an' dances
Bought cocktails for them as were broke
In mi quest for the perfect companion
Who'd see me as her perfect bloke

I've dealt with the best datin' agents
I've filled in their forms an' told lies
About how I'm just like a male model
Wi' tight buttocks an' sparklin' blue eyes
I've squandered mi wages on chatlines
Spent two quid a minute on t' phone
Where I've ended up gaggin' for Charleen
Even though she weighs thirty-two stone

I've frequented bars down the dockside
Where there's ladies that's best left alone
An' I've offered mi body quite freely
But I've allus walked home on mi own
So just cos it's comin' up Christmas
An' I've no soddin' prospects in store
I'm wazzin' this e-mail to Lapland dot com
An' I'm hopin' that this time I'll score

Dear Santa, please bring me a woman
Fer some fun in mi fifty-third year
Let's forget all the monogrammed hankies
All the socks an' the chocs an' the beer
You could leave me a fun-lovin' floozie
Or a perfectly sweet English rose
An' what could be quite stonkin' is a lass who loves bonkin'
Now I really would like one o' those

Please bring a voluptuous woman
A partner, a pal an' a mate
I can take for a romp in the boudoir
Wi'out havin' the need to inflate
Perhaps I should spare you the detail
But a session's got nowt to enthral
When your off up to bed wi' a bike pump
An' a puncture repair kit an' all

Please bring me a home-lovin' woman
Cos I've brushed-up mi cookin' technique
No Spam, egg an' chips like mi mam does
But dishes that's sexy an' chic
We'll have seafood an' hot, sticky puddin'
Drink wine 'til we're Mozart an' Liszt
Then I'll make several filthy suggestions
Till she finds one she just can't resist

Please bring me an underwear woman
A lingerie kind of a dame
Who loves to wear silky suspenders
An' doesn't mind me doin' t' same
We can twang at each others elastics
Then I'll climb up the cupboards (top shelf)
Where I'll fling off mi big, baggy Y-Fronts
An' dive in, like the Devil himself

Please bring me a kind, carin' woman
Cos I know I've gone well past mi prime
But I'm sure I can still do the business
If I just take mi tablets on time
I won't pester no more, that's a promise
You won't hear me again, not one squeak
So Santa, please bring me a woman
An' a fresh one each night of the week
Attached Images
File Type: jpg christmastinsel.jpg (63.1 KB, 1963 views)
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Old 12-22-2005, 08:54 PM   #2
LarryTheShiveringChipmunk
 
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POUNCE!
SMOOCH!
Merry Xmas Sweetie!
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Old 12-22-2005, 09:47 PM   #3
Zandoz
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Now that's the best I've ever seen garland look!
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Old 12-23-2005, 06:52 AM   #4
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What a brilliant poem... where did you get it from? I was almost loath to tear it to shreds LOL but seeings as you asked so nicely, I thought I'd have a go.

Its rough, but at least its more appropriate for this board. BTW What a staggeringly sexy picture! Quite aside from your beautiful face, I just love the way you can see your tummy stretching your outfit and rolling onto your lap... growl lol

Anyway... its nice to see an English type poem on here - not sure how many Americans understand all the lingo lol but its not often you come on dimensions and find someone "talking" in Northern accents...

Simon

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++

"Fat Variations On A Theme"

Now I've tried all the normal approaches
All the usual ways to get in
Tried mi hand at so-phistication
Wi' some girls who were nowt if not thin
I've been seen down the discos an' dances
Bought weight shakes for them as were broke
In mi quest for the perfect companion
Who'd see me as her perfect bloke

I've dealt with the best datin' agents
I've filled in their forms an' told lies
About how Iím after a skinny girl
Wi' tight buttocks an' sparklin' blue eyes
I've squandered mi wages on chatlines
Iíll tell you, those phone lines aint free
Where I've ended up gaggin' for Charleen
Just wishing sheíd weigh more than me

I've frequented bars down the dockside
Where there's ladies with four-packs on show
An' I give it mi best shot, nonetheless
But anyway they always sez no
So just cos it's comin' up Christmas
An' thurís no soddin' fat girls in store
I'm wazzin' this e-mail to Lapland dot com
An' I'm hopin' that this time I'll score

Dear Santa, please bring me a woman
Fer some fun in mi fifty-third year
Let's forget all the monogrammed hankies
All the socks an' the chocs an' the beer
You could leave me a squeezable plumper
Or a goddess at six hundríd pound
Whatíd be neat is a lass who loves to eat
Oh Iíd enjoy having her Ďround

Please bring a voluptuous woman
Wií curves wherever you look
I hate to be picky but I love hugging a pillow
Instead oí hugging a rock
Perhaps I should spare you the detail
But a session's got nowt to delight
When your womanís more manly than you are
An' you know youíd get killed in a fight

Please bring me a home-lovin' woman
Cos I've brushed-up mi cookin' technique
Iíll pile up her plate wií whatever she wants
As long as thereís no salad to eat
We'll have pizza an' hot, sticky puddin'
Ice cream till she bursts out of her pants
Then weíll do sumthin real outrageous,
Or maybe Iíll just play with her fat.

Please bring me a true BBW
A slow moving sort of girl
Who donít mind picking pens up with her toes
Or losing underwear in her rolls
I could reach in and find it for her
Then have some fun while Iím there
But when youíre bodyís as luscious as that
I doubt sheíll really care.

Please bring me a kind, carin' woman
Cos I know I can't do all that much
But then, when a girl waddles to get to the kitchen
She can't complain if Iím not all that butch
Well thatís all from me, youíve heard my last cry,
I might as well be lost in the Sahara
So Santa, please bring a BBW
An' please Gawd let her look like Tara!
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Old 12-23-2005, 07:59 AM   #5
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2 words...OH MY
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Old 12-23-2005, 08:40 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by simon_squarepants
Its rough, but at least its more appropriate for this board. BTW What a staggeringly sexy picture! Quite aside from your beautiful face, I just love the way you can see your tummy stretching your outfit and rolling onto your lap... growl lol

Anyway... its nice to see an English type poem on here - not sure how many Americans understand all the lingo lol but its not often you come on dimensions and find someone "talking" in Northern accents...
I thought your re-write was excellent I love that northern english--maybe reading too much James Harriot books when I was younger?

And I totally agree with you about how alluring that glimpse of belly sprawling onto her lap is

-Ed
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Old 12-23-2005, 09:13 AM   #7
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Default at the buzzer

I think with this late entry Tarella has snuck in with Picture of the Year, non? If only I could crawl right through my computer screen to get to her....
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Old 12-23-2005, 09:32 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by edx
I thought your re-write was excellent I love that northern english--maybe reading too much James Harriot books when I was younger?

And I totally agree with you about how alluring that glimpse of belly sprawling onto her lap is

-Ed
Well thankyou Its always nice to be appreciated...

Oh, you meant Tara's belly!

I've read one of Herriot's books and I loved it - its always good to have a sense of humour (yes I said "humour" - I am from England lol) and its a shame that whereas over here we get used to a lot of foreign accents, like different American ones from sitcoms and films, I'm not sure how much goes back the other way, so you end up with situations where network TV puts subtitles on when there's an English person speaking (cant remember what that was, but it happened somewhere...)

Anyway must dash, cant stay on t'Internet all day...

Simon
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Old 12-23-2005, 09:34 AM   #9
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Talking Happy Holidays!!

What a nice poem to post. I hope you have fun in these winter months.
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Old 12-23-2005, 10:14 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by simon_squarepants
I've read one of Herriot's books and I loved it - its always good to have a sense of humour (yes I said "humour" - I am from England lol) and its a shame that whereas over here we get used to a lot of foreign accents, like different American ones from sitcoms and films, I'm not sure how much goes back the other way, so you end up with situations where network TV puts subtitles on when there's an English person speaking (cant remember what that was, but it happened somewhere...)
I've not seen that, but it totally cracks me up that some british kids television shows--teletubbies and Bob the Builder for certain--are dubbed with american voices for the North American audience! (yah, I have a kid, so I know these things).

I'm in Canada, so we get some variety--we use british spelling but american vocabulary, we watch a lot of american TV, but some of our own, and the occasional dash of british shows. But personally I probably picked up more british vocab and whatnot from books than anywhere else. Started when british emigrant friends of my parents passed along a load of Enid Blyghton books when I was young--made those Harry Potter books seem rather familiar in setting, I'd swear an episode or two was practically stolen from the Mallory Tower books!

-Ed
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Old 12-23-2005, 10:59 AM   #11
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Interesting... I used to love Enid Blyton (the Famous Five were my favourite... I suppose the brilliant visionaries at Hollywood will be along with a movie version soon enough lol) but I don't remember Mallory Tower, although the name rings a bell... Anyway I've never been a fan of Harry Potter, if only because I don't belong to the group of people that believe a book has to be heavy enough to cause brain damage if dropped from a ground floor window in order to be good LOL

Am currently reading PG Wodehouse, one of his Blandings series, and if you like English type books you'll love that. It's hillarious. And I am well aware that I say that at risk of being shown up as an English toff LOL

Simon
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Old 12-23-2005, 12:16 PM   #12
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You're very sweet and intensely beautiful. Charming smile on you.
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Old 12-23-2005, 03:23 PM   #13
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Famous Five! Anne, "George" (never Georgina), Justin, ummm, whatsisname, and of course, Timmy the Dog :-)

Read huge numbers of the books, and spent one year rushing home from school at lunch to see the british series that one of our public broadcasters was showing (no idea how old the original BBC series was).

Malory Towers was a girl at boarding school, written one book per year, "First term at Mallory Towers" "Second Form at Mallory Towers" etc.

All good fun--although you knew that if anyone was the slightest bit chubby it was due to a moral failing on their part :-(

-Ed
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