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Old 04-22-2007, 08:13 AM   #1
alienlanes
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Default your non-FA friends and family

A certain someone recently tipped me off to the existence of the closeted FAs thread from a few months ago, and this morning Misty linked to a Postsecret confession from a guy who dumped his girlfriend because his friends made fun of him for dating a fat girl.

These threads have made me curious about what the experiences of other FAs have been. How did your friends and family react when they first realized that you had a preference for larger partners?

Like a lot of closeted teen FAs, I was very frightened that people would hate me if they found out my shameful secret. But I came out of the FA closet several years ago, and I've left it further and further behind as time goes on, and not one of my close friends or family members has ever given me grief about it, so I've always assumed that my anxieties were just a product of my own adolescent awkwardness. Even my mother, a health-food junkie and fanatical jogger, has never been less than 100% supportive of my choices. (I think she was just happy that I was finally dating .)

But some of the stories in the closeted-FAs thread made me wonder if I haven't been much luckier than I've realized. Did any of you guys or gals have to deal with a lot of teasing when you came out of the closet as a fat admirer?

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Old 04-22-2007, 08:58 AM   #2
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Never any teasing, but forty some years ago I did have doubts about what I knew to be my own preferences. They were serious enough that at one point I actually asked a school counselor and a minster about them.

Both asked a few probing questions and concluded it was just a personal preference that I was entitled to have if that was my choice. The minister did point out that many larger women did have more self-acceptance issues than most, and that some weight was reflective of deeper issues, but I had already discovered that.

I was just a teenager then, but at least I had the courage of my convictions and never was hassled by anyone for it. Had I been I would have defended rather than abandoned my heavier friends and I think people sensed that automatically. We were working and doing things in the student body as a team besides being social buddies.

It wasn't until college that I ran into the obsession some girls get about their size. The chubbies from high school were in the 200+ range, but although we spent hours and hours together and certainly ate enough we never talked about it, just went about our lives. In college we had instances of girls fainting from excessive dieting and guys who thought it was cute to ridicule fat women. As a writer for the college paper I did an op ed piece about such things that caused a stir for a few days and sank beneath the waves - but I got more private "thank you" notes than I did bad comments. I did learn of two other guys on campus who shared my preference and sometimes we double dated (all of us eventually married larger girls an at last report are still happily with them).

There is I believe a definite difference among FA's. Some like me simply have a hard wired preference. Others can be attracted to women of many sizes. A much smaller minority are into things like getting girls to gain at various levels. Only once did I encounter real abuse - some jerkoffs were exploiting a shy coeds appetite who had a compulsive eating problem. They would include her in group pizza nights (because she usually declined dates), then seeing how much she could be coaxed into eating so they could laugh and tell stories about her later behind her back. I privately ended that little game by informing some of her dorm mates what was going on. Unfortunately she had other problems and became a civil service spinster with no interest in men.

Bottom line - nothing wrong with being an FA, and you can't change it anyway. Just be sure to be giving and caring and you'll likely find a BBW of your own to cherish and share life with forever. Once you find her never let a day go by it without letting her know she's the best.
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Old 04-22-2007, 09:16 AM   #3
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I'm not an FA but have experience dealing with rude family & friends. First off, my boyfriend's family is completely judgemental, and if wasn't for my size, I'm sure they would find something else to pick on. His dad called me a "conversation piece", said things to him like "is Jillian still fat"? and so on and so forth. His ex wife is fat, but not as big as me. They thought she was huge. I wonder if they think I'm just a hopeless cause. His mother said it was "worse" than "being gay" which is a faulty analogy. She came around and accepts me, but I'm still a lot younger than him. I think people really can't get past the age thing, even in New York.

Most of his friends have been okay. They probably think he's a bit eccentric. I met one of his acquintances and he was taken aback. I had to coax K. in telling me what was said. It took over a week, and I don't even know why I bothered allowing negativity in my life. I should have let it go. He apparently thought because I was young, I would be the hot, hip hugger wearing, taut abs type. He didn't know that my s.o. liked "gigantic women". When I think gigantic, I think of a 50 foot woman, not someone really fat.

Anyway, it doesn't matter too much. He felt true shame, he wouldn't bother being with me, he would just hide me from the world. I've had that happen in the past and won't stand for it.

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Old 04-22-2007, 09:29 AM   #4
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I'm not an FA but have experience dealing with rude family & friends. First off, my boyfriend's family is completely judgemental, and if wasn't for my size, I'm sure they would find something else to pick on. His dad called me a "conversation piece", said things to him like "is Jillian still fat"? and so on and so forth. His ex wife is fat, but not as big as me. They thought she was huge. I wonder if they think I'm just a hopeless cause. His mother said it was "worse" than "being gay" which is a faulty analogy. She came around and accepts me, but I'm still a lot younger than him. I think people really can't get past the age thing, even in New York.
I.....wow. That's just pathological. I'm sorry you have to deal with this from his family. Sheeesh.
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Old 04-22-2007, 11:11 AM   #5
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I'm not sure if mine would fall under a 'luck' category, or if it's just the way I am. I come from a very laid back family (my mother and my brother), and when revealing my preference to them, my mother is just worried about me getting hurt, but has absolutely nothing bad, offensive, or otherwise inappropriate to say about my preference. My brother is not a 'Fat Admirer', but finds all woman attractive, and married a chubby (... I'm thinking maybe a size 12..?) woman himself. I was a littled miffed about telling my mom my preference, because it did not come out until I was out of High School (there was so much other stuff going on at the time), but I just told her one day, and I knew it was going to be okay, and it certainly was.

I have yet to get any remarks or crude statements from any of my friends, either. I remember going to a Steak N' Shake with Erin and my three (3) best friends, and one (1) of them during the point where Erin was talking directly at the other two (2), he looked at me and mouthed, "You like big women, don't you?" I just nodded.
I have always made it out that it is not a big deal, it is just a preference, so I think that attitude gets reflected back towards me. I've always been a fairly neutral person, never judgemental of people at all, and I think they understand that and show me the same respect. *shrugs* As I've said, it's just a preference, and that's the attitude I put forth to others about it, so that's what is given back to me, methinks. If anything, I've been somewhat forceful and proud about the preference, of course, and I don't think my friends dare defy the Chimpi.
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Old 04-22-2007, 12:46 PM   #6
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To Miss Toodles and Chimpi (closet FA's take note):

Exactly! Any FA should never be ashamed about being in public with a SO - that should [U]never[U] be an issue that the BBW/SSBBW involved has to experience. If a guy is afraid of letting her meet his friends ad family he shouldn't be dating, period! He deserves to be dumped!

An FA with a BBW/SSBBW relationship should treat it as exactly what it is, a natural relationship and expression of a perfectly normal choice and preference. And woe be unto anyone who tries getting in the way of it!

I tried to establish my first BBW relationship (or any steady relationship for that matter) in the eighth grade by giving a stocky BBW named Connie my jacket to wear (a school fashion at the time). The next day her parents made her give it back and I was crest fallen. But I was ready to publicly declare my preference even at that age for everyone to know.
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Old 04-22-2007, 01:03 PM   #7
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The first person I told was my ex-girlfriend. I was still very insecure about the whole thing. Initially she was confused, and she worried that I didn't find her attractive because she was thin. We talked, and she asked some questions, and finally she laughed and said "this explains a few things."
Since joining these boards, I've started being a lot more honest with my friends. I haven't made a big announcement or anything, but they're figuring it out. They still make jokes sometimes, but they're not assholes. Talking to people here has made me realize that, like Chimpi said, it's not a big deal.
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Old 04-22-2007, 03:26 PM   #8
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I had some teasing in the beginning. Some of my friends found out about it when I was 12, and one of them just couldn't get it off of his mind. He loved bringing it up in unrelated conversations. What was interesting is after all his jokes and insults about it, he actually started to think about it himself.

The whole teasing thing happened about 3 months or so. Then my friend started coming to me after he saw an attractive bbw on the net. I showed him a couple things, and in essence, I converted him. My friend was exclusive like I was back in the day, but today he is more like my brother: They both prefer thinner women, but they are still open to larger women. Swap the weight descriptors, and you have me.

-I dated a chubby girl in 9th grade. The only comments I got were "Whatever floats your boat." The relationship didn't last very long though.

-On my 17th birthday, two girls asked me out. One was thin, and the other was a bbw. I picked the larger girl not solely because of her physique (The weight was small reason this time [I wasn't attracted to the other girl either, but it was her looks: Not her weight]), but because I was already trying to get to know her so we could date. The other girl just asked me that day, and nothing more.

The thinner girl seemed to not like that. She began to tell everyone that I liked larger women. I don't know what was her reasoning behind it, but I think it was along the lines of vengeance.
I broke up with the bbw because of an unrelated reason. I sensed that we wouldn't go far, and I was correct. A month after we broke up, she got engaged. A month after that she got married. What a wonderful ending.

At the end of the school year, I met someone that I really wanted to date, but I realized I had to establish friendship as a base. The last four months I tried to become friends with this woman.

Our after-graduation celebration was on a dinner yacht. I had some fun with her, and she gave me her number. I didn't call her for sometime, but we ended up talking again, I took her on a date, and we started dating. It made me happy because for the first time in my life, I tried becoming friends with someone I aspired to date, and my plans worked well.

I laugh everytime I think of when Cat Daddy (My brother ) asked about the night and said "You didn't get any numbers?"

"Actually I did."

My last ex (The woman I'm talking about now) had a chubby female friend that asked about it. I simply said "Well I am turned off by immobility. As long as they can walk..." She stopped me and said :

"Wow. A 400 pound woman can walk. Would you date a woman that heavy?"
"Yes I would."
"You are very open-minded."

Through all of this I got occasional stares and small insults from the peanut gallery from time to time, but nothing too major. I had a gay friend try to make me deny my preference once, but he didn't get too far after I replied to him asking "Do you like big girls?" with "Yes I do. What are you going to do about it? Maim me?"
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Old 04-22-2007, 04:56 PM   #9
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I know that many of you think that my posts come off as very forward when it comes to dating BBW's, and the actions of many FA's, so my story about dating big gals may seem very unlike me.

I got to Dimensions around 1998. I was living with a gal who, through medication for her depression & anxiety, gained over 120 lbs. I always knew I liked bigger gals, but this girl's weight gain drove me over the edge. I tried to understand it, and came to this site as a result. I remember the day she walked in to my computer room and saw me online in Dims, and she freaked out and left, saying I was looking at "fat chick porn". After a 2 month hiatus, she moved back in, lost about 75 lbs., gained it back, and moved out, telling me that "I had a problem".

I dated a few big gals as well as average sized women, all the while reading & absorbing everything that this website had to offer. That, and the many converstaions with some wonderful ladies (some still here, and some not), helped me to understand & come to terms with my preference.

I began to solely date BBW's, and was the victim of a lot of ridicule from some of my "friends" and co-workers. Not understanding where I was coming from, they would point at EVERY fat woman and say "there ya go", not realizing that even within my preference, there was a certain "type" I was more attracted to, as if a guy who likes blondes is attracted to every blonde he sees. I resented every comment, but let them talk, because I felt like I knew better......some people here might have thought that I was "closeted", but, read on.

Summer of '99. One of my buddies hands me a t-shirt that reads "I'll take the fat one". I wore it the entire summer on the boardwalk in Atlantic City. Got some wise ass comments from a few guys, and got a lot of telephone numbers from some gals. That was the year my radio show & website really took off. I was getting over 22,000 unique hits per day on the site, and more on Mondays, when my radio show was simulcast on the net. My buddies started to get REALLY quiet when I began to run a weekly feature on my site called "Big Ass Friday", where I would feature a BBW with some cool pics, and talk about her interests, where she was from, etc........kind of like the Playboy centerfold every Friday for BBW's. Many ladies that you see here today were regulars on my site (and I will always be grateful to all of you for being part of that).

Fast forward to the year 2000. I began to feature a big gal or two every week on my show, which was being syndicated through South Jersey, Delaware, and of course, the internet. My REAL friends began to think the segment, as well as Big Ass Fridays was pretty cool. I began to get letters from non FA's who actually admitted to being attracted to many of the girls. As for my family, I was raised in a very accepting environment, and they were already more than fine with my interracial dating, so this was no different.

So I guess my point is (sorry it took so long to get there), is that once you decide on something in life, whether it's where to go to school, what kind of career you choose, or who you are attracted to, you should pursue it with everything you have, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Typically, your family will support you (they might not start out that way, but they usually come around), and your real friends won't judge you.

And please trust me, it's worth the effort.
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Old 04-22-2007, 08:16 PM   #10
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I am lucky as it's never been a surprize to any of my family or friends regarding my attraction to BBWs.

It's not like anyone could ever picture me with a thin woman. So, I consider myself a Proud, Fortunate and Confidant FA.

In college I started exclusively dating SSBBWs and have not looked back since. It's always nice to meet SSBBWs that appreciate the qualities of a BHM.

As far as being in public- for me it's just the 'simple' gesture of walking and holding hands ( I know kinda corny)- but, it just let folks know that I am happy to be with SSBBW of my dreams.
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Old 04-23-2007, 02:43 AM   #11
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Old 04-23-2007, 06:04 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by MissToodles View Post
I'm not an FA but have experience dealing with rude family & friends. First off, my boyfriend's family is completely judgemental, and if wasn't for my size, I'm sure they would find something else to pick on. His dad called me a "conversation piece", said things to him like "is Jillian still fat"? and so on and so forth. His ex wife is fat, but not as big as me. They thought she was huge. I wonder if they think I'm just a hopeless cause. His mother said it was "worse" than "being gay" which is a faulty analogy. She came around and accepts me, but I'm still a lot younger than him. I think people really can't get past the age thing, even in New York.

Most of his friends have been okay. They probably think he's a bit eccentric. I met one of his acquintances and he was taken aback. I had to coax K. in telling me what was said. It took over a week, and I don't even know why I bothered allowing negativity in my life. I should have let it go. He apparently thought because I was young, I would be the hot, hip hugger wearing, taut abs type. He didn't know that my s.o. liked "gigantic women". When I think gigantic, I think of a 50 foot woman, not someone really fat.

Anyway, it doesn't matter too much. He felt true shame, he wouldn't bother being with me, he would just hide me from the world. I've had that happen in the past and won't stand for it.
I think it might just be a New York thing, cause I got kicked out of my house and the primary argument in the fight that started it off was the fact that I'm an FA, and my mother just happens to be a loony hardcore bigot... on a related note, I'm back living down the block from you toodles lol... well, two or three nights out of the week anyway =P
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Old 04-23-2007, 08:07 AM   #13
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I think it might just be a New York thing, cause I got kicked out of my house and the primary argument in the fight that started it off was the fact that I'm an FA, and my mother just happens to be a loony hardcore bigot... on a related note, I'm back living down the block from you toodles lol... well, two or three nights out of the week anyway =P
Dayum. She kicked you out for that P? That's a mess. Might be a blessing in disguise.
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Old 04-23-2007, 09:53 AM   #14
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I think it might just be a New York thing, cause I got kicked out of my house and the primary argument in the fight that started it off was the fact that I'm an FA, and my mother just happens to be a loony hardcore bigot... on a related note, I'm back living down the block from you toodles lol... well, two or three nights out of the week anyway =P
Damn. That really sucks . That's exactly the sort of horror story I was thinking of when I started this thread... if I still had my own place I would have been glad to let a fellow FA in that kind of situation crash on my couch for a while.

Also, 914 represent!!! I think the NYC 'burbs might be a particularly difficult place for fat people and their admirers, since both men and women here tend to be even more diet-and-exercise-obsessed than the rest of the country... at least I think we could use a lot more BBWs around here .

I bet we still aren't as bad as LA, though .
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Old 04-23-2007, 10:01 AM   #15
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His family is bigoted in many ways, especially his dad. I'm sure he's not so happy that I'm Jewish either. Maybe your mom will come around one day.

Are you staying in the dorms or hanging around your school in the library? Be careful, you know it's tough out here. =p, try and stay atop of your studies!
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Old 04-24-2007, 02:47 AM   #16
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I still haven't come out to anyone properly save my partner, & as he's not fat, there's no reason why I should. I've realised now that it's no one's business but his & mine.

I have mentioned it occasionally in my blog/to friends and no one has commented adversely, although a few friends have mentioned it in a joking way.
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Old 04-24-2007, 01:17 PM   #17
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I've been really lucky. Although my mother still needles me about my weight ("Sue, don't you think those slacks make your butt look huge?" "Mom, my butt IS huge."), just about everybody in my and my husband's family accepts me as I am, and my size is not a big deal. Art's family was a tad surprised when he brought me home for the first time, but before long they realized that I wouldn't break all their furniture nor create craters in the floor as I walked, and from then on I was just Sue. Art's friends did give him a hard time at first, but they too realized that there was more to me than just my fat, and they pretty much accepted me too. That's one advantage of dating and marrying an engineer and hanging around with his friends and family -- they are usually extremely reasonable to deal with. I say "extremely" because sometimes they are so doggone logical it drives me nuts, but that's a good problem to have.
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Old 04-25-2007, 07:21 AM   #18
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Well, when I made my preferences known I got a mixed result. My immediate family was aways cool with it. Of course, they started to get concern again when my date became SSBBWs, but they eventually accepted my girlfriends.

However, there where other family members and friends that I would introduce to a girl that was only a couple of pounds overweight, and they spend the whole time worried that she was going to drop from a stroke right in front of them. Unfortunately, while they have gotten better, it still work to do with them.
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Old 04-25-2007, 09:59 AM   #19
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That's one advantage of dating and marrying an engineer and hanging around with his friends and family -- they are usually extremely reasonable to deal with. I say "extremely" because sometimes they are so doggone logical it drives me nuts, but that's a good problem to have.
That's right--engineers area good problem to have--more women should seek to have such problems

-Ed
PS. Not to take anything away from you, Sue, but reading your posts I keep thinking I'd love to have the opportunity to sit down and talk to Art sometime. His good taste in women would be sufficient justification on its own, but more than that he just sounds all around a together guy.
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Old 04-25-2007, 10:13 AM   #20
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My family is extremely conservative, and my mother is very opposed to fat people in general most likely because all her sisters are heavy, and she was always picked on, being the youngest. My dad considers Bush to be a good president...so...yeah, that gives an idea of what type of family I'm coming from.

However, when I came out, and admitted my preference, they were accepting. They didn't understand why I liked the type of girls I liked, but they were okay with it, and just wanted me to be happy. I suspect that they also had been preparing for it for a while, since I'd liked fat girls since I was 14, and came out at 20 years of age.

I hate that someone should have to go through such hard times because of their preference, as some of you have. It sorta shocks me considering how my own parents and some of my friends are very similar to those in a few different people's stories...and yet still when it came down to it, they accepted me for who I am.

I wonder if it would have been different if I wanted to be fat, or if I was fat. I wonder how it would have been different if I was a girl as well. I guess I'm very lucky that I have the friends I do, and the family that I have. If I didn't...I'm not sure I've been able to come out like that.

In addition, I was wondering why some people get so offended by a friend or family member making a joke about your preference? Maybe I come from a very sarcastic group of people...but I've always understood that my friends and family don't want to hurt me, and most times are jesting. If they aren't, and they notice I look hurt, or I tell them...they apologize.

I guess I'm a pretty lucky guy.
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Old 04-25-2007, 10:40 AM   #21
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My family is pretty much the "nyuk nyuk nyuk *elbow rib*" type and in principle it doesn't bother me too much. The problem is that they beat the tar out of the same joke over and over. What's worse they LAUGH just as hard as the first time three years later. If I don't nip it in the bud early it will be, "Knock knock." "Who's there...?" till I wish I was dead. Depends on the humor I reckon.


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Originally Posted by ZainTheInsane View Post
My family is extremely conservative, and my mother is very opposed to fat people in general most likely because all her sisters are heavy, and she was always picked on, being the youngest. My dad considers Bush to be a good president...so...yeah, that gives an idea of what type of family I'm coming from.

However, when I came out, and admitted my preference, they were accepting. They didn't understand why I liked the type of girls I liked, but they were okay with it, and just wanted me to be happy. I suspect that they also had been preparing for it for a while, since I'd liked fat girls since I was 14, and came out at 20 years of age.

I hate that someone should have to go through such hard times because of their preference, as some of you have. It sorta shocks me considering how my own parents and some of my friends are very similar to those in a few different people's stories...and yet still when it came down to it, they accepted me for who I am.

I wonder if it would have been different if I wanted to be fat, or if I was fat. I wonder how it would have been different if I was a girl as well. I guess I'm very lucky that I have the friends I do, and the family that I have. If I didn't...I'm not sure I've been able to come out like that.

In addition, I was wondering why some people get so offended by a friend or family member making a joke about your preference? Maybe I come from a very sarcastic group of people...but I've always understood that my friends and family don't want to hurt me, and most times are jesting. If they aren't, and they notice I look hurt, or I tell them...they apologize.

I guess I'm a pretty lucky guy.
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Old 04-26-2007, 12:17 PM   #22
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PS. Not to take anything away from you, Sue, but reading your posts I keep thinking I'd love to have the opportunity to sit down and talk to Art sometime. His good taste in women would be sufficient justification on its own, but more than that he just sounds all around a together guy.
Awwww, thanx. Yes, Art does have his head on right, and there's always some sort of method in his madness. Evidently he decided that if he wants to spend the rest of his life with the fattest woman he ever met, then he'd better educate himself on obesity and how to accommodate it. The only problem is, I need to give him refresher courses all the time. So, if I have to endure him giving me full-body massages, well, that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
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My family is pretty much the "nyuk nyuk nyuk *elbow rib*" type and in principle it doesn't bother me too much. The problem is that they beat the tar out of the same joke over and over. What's worse they LAUGH just as hard as the first time three years later. If I don't nip it in the bud early it will be, "Knock knock." "Who's there...?" till I wish I was dead. Depends on the humor I reckon.
Oh, I know that type all too well. I had an uncle who would tell stupid jokes, and if we didn't get it, he'd tell us the pointless punchline over and over and try to explain why it was funny. I eventually learned to laugh immediately just to make him happy, so he'd shut up.

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Old 04-26-2007, 01:34 PM   #23
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My family is pretty much the "nyuk nyuk nyuk *elbow rib*" type and in principle it doesn't bother me too much. The problem is that they beat the tar out of the same joke over and over. What's worse they LAUGH just as hard as the first time three years later. If I don't nip it in the bud early it will be, "Knock knock." "Who's there...?" till I wish I was dead. Depends on the humor I reckon.
They haven't done that...yet...probably because I haven't had a girlfriend in a while...

I'll watch out for it though.
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Old 05-06-2007, 12:49 PM   #24
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His family is bigoted in many ways, especially his dad. I'm sure he's not so happy that I'm Jewish either. Maybe your mom will come around one day.

Are you staying in the dorms or hanging around your school in the library? Be careful, you know it's tough out here. =p, try and stay atop of your studies!
I'm down on corlear, near the 50th precinct, i wouldnt set foot on that campus again if you paid me =P
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Old 05-06-2007, 07:26 PM   #25
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I'm down on corlear, near the 50th precinct, i wouldnt set foot on that campus again if you paid me =P







hell stairs!

go to paula's when you turn 21. Cop bar fun. sorry for the hijack folks.

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