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Old 04-23-2007, 06:16 PM   #26
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I go back and forth on the whole thing. It's shit, basically. I have pictures I've never shown a soul because I think I look "too fat". Then at the same time, I'm not ashamed to eat dessert around skinnier folk. I'm a walking contradiction.
It really doesn't matter to me if there are 100 people around me telling me I look good or there are the same amount telling me I'm a disgusting waste of life. It's truly up to me to take hold of my feelings about it all.
I guess time will tell whether or not I accept the fat or do something about it.
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Old 04-23-2007, 06:18 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Krissy12 View Post
I go back and forth on the whole thing. It's shit, basically. I have pictures I've never shown a soul because I think I look "too fat". Then at the same time, I'm not ashamed to eat dessert around skinnier folk. I'm a walking contradiction.
It really doesn't matter to me if there are 100 people around me telling me I look good or there are the same amount telling me I'm a disgusting waste of life. It's truly up to me to take hold of my feelings about it all.
I guess time will tell whether or not I accept the fat or do something about it.

I'm glad it let me rep you again
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Old 04-23-2007, 08:02 PM   #28
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Thanks, GEF, you're always there with a nice comment or rep
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Old 04-23-2007, 09:19 PM   #29
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I guess it has to do with your life...I found coming out to be easy...it is best if you have some friends you trust and care for around you when it happens ...always awesome people. Other than that, it is basically about not letting things offend you, and whenever someone you know takes things to far, tell them.

But to some extent you have to be willing to joke about things. I mean, people joke about race, class, religion, creed, code, etc...if you can't joke around about your preferences with yourself, then you need to relax a bit. And you have to realize, if the people around you truly care for you, even with the occasional jab, they'll always stick by you, and accept, and perhaps even welcome, your decisions. Because you're their friend.

That's what made coming out of the closet easier for me. Still took me 5-6 years...but it is something you have to be ready to do for yourself.
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Old 04-23-2007, 09:43 PM   #30
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I guess it has to do with your life...I found coming out to be easy...it is best if you have some friends you trust and care for around you when it happens ...always awesome people. Other than that, it is basically about not letting things offend you, and whenever someone you know takes things to far, tell them.

But to some extent you have to be willing to joke about things. I mean, people joke about race, class, religion, creed, code, etc...if you can't joke around about your preferences with yourself, then you need to relax a bit. And you have to realize, if the people around you truly care for you, even with the occasional jab, they'll always stick by you, and accept, and perhaps even welcome, your decisions. Because you're their friend.

That's what made coming out of the closet easier for me. Still took me 5-6 years...but it is something you have to be ready to do for yourself.

I think you're right about joking being important. It seems to always make people a little more accepting of you when you have a sense of humor about yourself. Man, that can be hard, though, especially when the subject is something that has caused you pain.

But maybe pretending that it isn't such a big deal is a good idea.
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Old 04-23-2007, 10:03 PM   #31
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I think you're right about joking being important. It seems to always make people a little more accepting of you when you have a sense of humor about yourself. Man, that can be hard, though, especially when the subject is something that has caused you pain.

But maybe pretending that it isn't such a big deal is a good idea.
I guess I just don't see any reason to (pretending that is)...but then again it has never caused me a huge amount of pain because of the embarrassment it caused during my early explorations into it. My parents discovered my liking early on, and when I spoke about it, they were already well aware. So, I suppose I was lucky in that respect.

But I think you do have to relax...much like me making a rehash posting to mock myself is really all about the idea that yeah, I make stupid mistakes, and yeah, I'd do it again, but I can learn from it, and I don't have to be offended by what other people think. Why waste my time? It is more productive just to laugh, and realize those who respond harshly are just frustrated people to being with.

So, yeah...having a sense of humor about any part of your life is always important. Because when you screw up...who else are you going to blame?
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Old 04-23-2007, 10:04 PM   #32
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me making a rehash posting to mock myself
Maybe you should mention that in the HP thread? You're certainly not alone in the mocking.
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Old 04-23-2007, 10:15 PM   #33
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Maybe you should mention that in the HP thread? You're certainly not alone in the mocking.
I would, but I wouldn't want to ruin their fun.

And I still stick by my statement that humor and good friends makes anything easier to deal with.
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Old 04-23-2007, 10:17 PM   #34
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I would, but I wouldn't want to ruin their fun.
At least half the posters in that thread are doing their best to ruin yours.
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Old 04-23-2007, 10:27 PM   #35
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At least half the posters in that thread are doing their best to ruin yours.
Yeah, but that's no biggie to me. And I'd be fine with discussing why it is still fun for me anyway...but I don't want to get Tooz thread off topic, since it is a good thread, and unlike my own in Hyde Park, it serves a purpose beyond just letting people piss all over someone because they are either uncaring or lacking in intelligence enough to do so without realizing that they're just entertainment.
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Old 04-23-2007, 11:37 PM   #36
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Thanks for this post Tooz. The reason why I'm a SIF (Secret Internet Fatties) princess is because I usually don't announce to people I meet on the net that I'm fat, or even might use older pictures of me (from when I was skinny) when I chat with someone.

So I guess I am a closeted BBW in a way. It's only been recently that I posted pictures outside of the clubhouse. I think I'm well on the way toward accepting who I am at any size thanks to dimensions, but I'd still like to lose *some* weight (for myself not for society).
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Old 04-23-2007, 11:48 PM   #37
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bingo.

sometimes i really WANT to leave my house in my scrubby clothes and pad to the store in my flip flops for some soy milk, and i hate the fact that if i were to ever actually do that, i'd feel like i was singlehandedly reinforcing all the icky stereotypes fat women are saddled with (lazy slobs, ketchup stained sweatsuits, no pride in their appearance, blah blah blah etc.). like every person i see on the street is going to look at me and think to themselves "yep. see?'
I feel the exact same way.
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Old 04-23-2007, 11:50 PM   #38
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people piss all over someone because they are either uncaring or lacking in intelligence enough to do so without realizing that they're just entertainment.
Precious and considerate, sigh, you are so dreamy.
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Old 04-23-2007, 11:58 PM   #39
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I thought about this topic more and wanted to add my thoughts.

While I have strong self confidence and feel no need to explain my fatness to anyone, I no longer feel quite so fat gung ho. When I was younger (and healthier) I had no problem sharing my no diet policy and that I felt just fine as a fatty. Around 30 everything started going downhill and pretty quickly it was evident I was far from fat and fit. The message I am fine as I am did not carry as much weight when I could no longer carry my weight.

So now while I accept myself as I am in this moment, I strive for a healthier tomorrow which means for me weighing less. It may seem like a mixed message and perhaps it is, but I am finding a way to navigate being a large woman and being a healthy one.

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Old 04-24-2007, 07:31 AM   #40
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hya

I never diet at all and have seen my sisters diet off and on over the years and they ended up putting more and more weight on

I love sites like this where being fat is accepted , Ive alway been reluctant to show my belly to anyone but Ive always said my belly is big you know lol, its as though I am trying to assess them as to wether they accept my size ,

I eat what I want when I want be it dining out or at home

I am who I am

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Old 04-26-2007, 10:50 AM   #41
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Another closeted fat person here. I want to accept myself, but I have such a hard time actually letting on to the world that I AM fat. I act thin, like I don't care. But all the time I am embarassed by things like the fact I have self-esteem books like "Fat?So!" or "The Fat Girls Guide to Life" or any number of other such books around the house. It's like I would hate anyone to see them in my bookshelves, and I have been known to turn their spines the other way round so people can't see them. What the h*ll is that about?

I also can't "come out" to my husband and tell him that I come on Dimensions and other SA sites. I can't tell him that I enjoy the fact that he likes me the size I am. I feel like in my head I am accepting, but in my actions I am pathetic.

Quote:
It's shit, basically. I have pictures I've never shown a soul because I think I look "too fat". Then at the same time, I'm not ashamed to eat dessert around skinnier folk. I'm a walking contradiction.
I totally get where you are coming from there Krissy. I do exactly the same, I'm happy to have a three course meal in front of any number of people, but I hate showing photos of me that make me look fat(ter). But FFS, everyone sees me as I am, so they will have seen me looking like I do in the photos. Again, what is that all about?

I detest the media hatred and stereotyping of fat people as lazy and stupid. I feel like I have something to prove to show that I am not like that. I got a postgraduate degree and one of the major things that pushed me through six years of doctoral study is "now no-one can say I'm lazy and stupid even though I am fat as I have a piece of paper to prove I am not". Not a good motivation, but it was there all the same.

This is a great thread, and has made me think a lot about why I am like I am. I wish I could rid myself of the contradiction and be happy outwardly with who I am.
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Old 04-26-2007, 11:43 AM   #42
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I'm posting in this thread briefly and haphzardly just to make sure I put my paw in the air and vote and that yes, I think it's entirely possible to be a closeted BBW. I've thought so for a long time. I even think it's possible to walk down the street and be one. No, you can't hide, but...yes, you can.
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Old 04-27-2007, 06:34 PM   #43
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I teach sixth grade. This is a time when kids, especially girls, really start growing up. The other day the kids were talking about the upcoming end of the year dance. I asked them about a theme and they said they didn't have one. I suggested a Hawaiian Luau and joked that they could wear their swimsuits. The stick thin girl sitting in front of me said that she was too fat. My jaw dropped and I just looked at her. I told her that if she were any skinnier they would think she came from a concentration camp. Then I said if she wore her suit I would wear mine and she couldn't be fatter than me. The rest of the class roared and many of the students admonished me as though I had put myself down. I grinned at them, shrugged and said "I ain't afraid." The laughter died. I saw their confusion and so I just introduced the next lesson.

Aside from the concentration camp comment being probably very inappropriate (I sometimes say the first thing that comes to my mind which isn't always the best ), the thought that ran through my mind was these girls need to hear someone be confident about being bigger even if I don't feel it 100% of the time. Someone here already talked about the fake till you make it idea. I think this is true and useful. I also think that sometimes we have to do that for others too.

I've had the awkward moments of talking about shopping with my girlfriends and they're talking about a store I where I can't shop. I just say things like, "you know Old Navy goes up to size 20?" or "Lane Bryant's clothes really suck this season. I don't want to wear black or brown all the time. I don't want to hide." It sounds to them like I'm confident but inside I'm stamping down the embarrassment - working at refusing to let myself feel it.

Dim offers a great place to practice being confident so that I can be a better faker in the real world. Everyday I fake it a little less.
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Old 04-27-2007, 06:44 PM   #44
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I've been posting here on Dims since December and I have met and interacted with some fantastic people. As you can see from my signature that I have a Yahoo group that has tasteful photos of myself posted. That group was originally started by a wonderful FA guy I occasionally date, but in the last few months, it's been mainly me putting the pics up. I've gotten a lot of comments posted on the site, which are great. I've also gotten a lot of PMs here about the site too. I've had a few extremely nice guys that I've gotten to know, who are so wonderful in their comments and flattery. I can honestly say that the past couple of months have been the best I've felt about myself in my entire life. The attention has added to my acceptance of myself and my body, immeasureably. I think I was a Closeted BBW, who is slowly coming out... and glad to be doing so!

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Old 04-27-2007, 07:21 PM   #45
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............I also can't "come out" to my husband and tell him that I come on Dimensions and other SA sites. I can't tell him that I enjoy the fact that he likes me the size I am. I feel like in my head I am accepting, but in my actions I am pathetic................
This is very confusing to me. If you are accepting of yourself being fat and you suspect (or know) your husband prefers a fat woman, what is the problem?? If you enjoy that he likes your body but can't tell him I feel like this is really unfortunate. Seems to me he would be really happy to know how you feel.
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Old 04-27-2007, 07:22 PM   #46
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I've been posting here on Dims since December and I have met and interacted with some fantastic people. As you can see from my signature that I have a Yahoo group that has tasteful photos of myself posted. That group was originally started by a wonderful FA guy I occasionally date, but in the last few months, it's been mainly me putting the pics up. I've gotten a lot of comments posted on the site, which are great. I've also gotten a lot of PMs here about the site too. I've had a few extremely nice guys that I've gotten to know, who are so wonderful in their comments and flattery. I can honestly say that the past couple of months have been the best I've felt about myself in my entire life. The attention has added to my acceptance of myself and my body, immeasureably. I think I was a Closeted BBW, who is slowly coming out... and glad to be doing so!

Vi
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Old 04-27-2007, 07:29 PM   #47
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Thank you Edgar, you've been a big help to me!


Quote:
Originally Posted by imfree View Post
More Power To 'Ya, Violet! I am thrilled to see you coming out
the way you are. You are beautiful and deserve the freedom to live it!
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Old 04-27-2007, 10:15 PM   #48
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It's weird, but I guess I've just never thought I had the option to hide anything. People are going to see me being fat. They're going to see me eat. They're going to see me dance wobbly and drunk. They're going to see me in my disgusting (but oh-so-warm-and-comfy sweats). They're simply going to see me. It never occurred to me, even once, that I could possibly have the wit or charm or whatever to cover for these things or to make them more palatable for others. I'm just not that graceful.

Instead, I think I have walked around all these years feeling like I'm in a big plastic bubble--perfectly visible and perfectly untouchable. You can see me, but you'll never touch me (even with words) unless I want you to. In a sense, I have hidden behind honesty for most of my adult life, preferring to wear everything I am on the surface and simply daring other people to challenge it.

So, I guess in a way, even with as forthright and outspoken as I've almost always been, I've sort of been closeted...not about being fat, no, but about how untough I really am under all the armor it takes to walk around being a fat girl. Everyone knows I'm secure in my fat; no one knows how isolated I also am in that same fat as a trade off. That's the way I've built my life, rightly or wrongly.
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Old 04-28-2007, 06:48 AM   #49
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Wow, Rebecca, just wow. You've put into words something that sounds really close to how I feel, but I didn't quite realise it until reading your post.

This is what resonated with me-

"Instead, I think I have walked around all these years feeling like I'm in a big plastic bubble--perfectly visible and perfectly untouchable. You can see me, but you'll never touch me (even with words) unless I want you to. In a sense, I have hidden behind honesty for most of my adult life, preferring to wear everything I am on the surface and simply daring other people to challenge it."

from your post. Now I need to figure out what I'm going to do with this realization. If you have any suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them.

Thanks, and glad you're back at Dims.
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Old 04-28-2007, 09:21 AM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waldo View Post
This is very confusing to me. If you are accepting of yourself being fat and you suspect (or know) your husband prefers a fat woman, what is the problem?? If you enjoy that he likes your body but can't tell him I feel like this is really unfortunate. Seems to me he would be really happy to know how you feel.
Not speaking for Lapwing because I don't actually know how she feels, but it seems to me that a journey of self acceptance is one you want to take on your own at your own pace. While grappling with inner hesitance on something it is easy for someone on the outside to say, "Don't be silly! Of *course* you can wear this loin cloth and tube top in public. You're beautiful and sexy!" It would feel like being pushed or watched even if that's not actually happening.
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