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Old 04-25-2009, 02:19 PM   #51
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Old 04-26-2009, 01:52 PM   #52
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Isn't fat identity for many of us almost a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Like many in this thread have recollected from their own experience:
Western society has the unforgiving standard for adolescent girls that only really thin or petite is acceptable - girls and young women of a completely normal weight are labeled as "fat" - and thus often literally "grow" into this identity. Maybe because it seems inevitable anyway - and maybe because they never received a chance to find their own identity in an un-biased, objective environment.
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Old 04-29-2009, 04:12 PM   #53
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I'm of two minds about this. Part of me thinks my fat is irrelevant, and that my weight shouldn't be an issue. I'm a woman and, thin or fat, I am what I am.

On the other hand, methinx a lifetime of obesity has been a net positive. My fat has helped me think independently and creatively, and helped teach me what is and is not truly important in life. It is also very liberating because I tend to control most aspects of my life, but my fat represents a force of nature which defies control, and having a few hundred pounds of extra body fat helps me feel both wild and civilized. I also love feeling both big and powerful, yet soft and feminine. I can be both commanding and comforting, so I was blessed with some amazingly versatile fat. Or maybe I'm vain enough to think that my body has an impressive capacity for the production and storage of abundant, glorious feminine fat, and it looks damn good on me. Even if so much fat is heavy, awkward, bulky and so doggone jiggly, it also feels wonderful.

So even though I'd like to think my weight is irrelevant, my fat is very much a big part of who I am. My fat has definitely made me a better person, so I'm proud to be a fat woman.
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Old 05-05-2009, 08:41 AM   #54
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When I was younger I would have gotten rid of my fat in a heartbeat, and in any way possible, I didn't care. But as I've gotten older, and particularly as I came to love my body and that it is fat, I wouldn't trade for the world.

A fat woman is substantial. People notice for better or worse, so it gives one a chance to make a difference.

My body has softness and curves that feel feminine, and to me, too. I like the way I feel.

I like that my proportions are a bit out of whack. It amuses me that some must look at my ass in wonder, even if it's a negative kind of wonder. It's all a part of me, and my body has gotten me through trials, tribulations and wonderful experiences. It would likely still do that were I thin, but were I thin I wouldn't feel like 'me.' Yes, being fat is certainly part of my identity and even though I have lost weight and will continue to try to lose a bit more, it will always be part of my identity, because let's face it 300 lbs is still plenty fat, soft, womanly and sexy.
Wow, I really like this post.
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Old 05-05-2009, 02:50 PM   #55
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Well I have been on both sides of the scale so to speak, I have been painfully thin, and well at my current weight (which is fat and happy). I don't identify myself with the size of my jeans anymore. I think when I put too much focus on how much I weighed as saying it was me and a part of myself, I was unhappy. I had this constant battle trying to stay thin, thinking I was not good enough, or enough for anyone if I couldn't be that thin perfect version of myself. I look back on pictures from those years, my cheeks drawn in, my ribs showing...and not a smile to be seen. Somewhere along the line, with alot of help, I made the decision to stop classifying who I am by my weight, but instead by better features, I like my quirks, and imperfections, I pride myself in not judging people and being nice and helpful. Through the years the pounds packed on (I so love cake) but I am still me..not the pretty girl...or the thin girl...or the fat girl, I am me, the girl who is always smiling, likes to skip through Toys R Us, and never turns down a piece of cake.
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Old 05-05-2009, 02:56 PM   #56
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. Through the years the pounds packed on (I so love cake) but I am still me..not the pretty girl...or the thin girl...or the fat girl, I am me, the girl who is always smiling, likes to skip through Toys R Us, and never turns down a piece of cake.
Peach, I love you, lol. But seriously, I agree with a lot of what you said. When I was younger I was very fit, due to martial arts, but I have gained a bit of weight (was 190, now 250) and don't think of myself as sad, or depressed. I wouldn't say I am super happy with my appearance either, because due to the recent increase or "Built guys" chasing bigger girls, the "Average" guys like me get tossed aside.

In the end, I love to play in Toys R Us as well!! I could spend hours just messing around ^.^
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Old 05-07-2009, 10:56 AM   #57
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I have gained from 175lbs to 570lbs in 17 years, I love the weight gain but I'm now at a cross road... I'm severly limited in what I can do phisically. I'm not able to control my intake well so now thinking of gastric bypass; something my GP has been advising for the past years. But the thing is I can not imagine being thin....
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Old 05-07-2009, 11:59 AM   #58
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Fat has always been a part of who I am and has helped to shape me into the person I am today but I still feel as though I would not have an issue adjusting to a thin body because although it is part of who I am, there is a lot more to who I am than that. I tend to identify less with what I am on the outside than what I am on the inside, personality, interests, etc. Even looking at physical things, I tend to identify more as a teenager, a typical female, etc. I feel as though if those things suddenly changed I'd have more of an issue adjusting because those are central to my idenity whereas fat is more like.. my hair color. I've almost always been a brunette but you know, I dyed my hair blonde a few times and it took some getting used to but I wasn't facing like, a major identity crisis over it or anything.

I think if I were to suddenly attempt to cut any notions of feederism out of my life though, it'd be a lot more difficult. It's an innate part of who I am and would be there regardless of size.
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Old 05-07-2009, 12:43 PM   #59
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When I've thought about fat and identity, I've always thought that it would be great to say "I don't have a fat identity, I'm a person who happens to be fat" because I think the less labels we attach to ourselves, the better, since it is less likely we'll feel the need to divide ourselves into various groups that keeps people from truly feeling solidarity with each other as members of the human race.

But, the reality is, regardless of whether I claim a fat identity, society has already forced me to claim it. So, what to do? If I reject that label, then I let a fatphobic society define me to the public at large, and if I accept it, I help to perpetrate a system that at this point believes to be fat is a fate worse than death.

So, I try to reclaim what fat means for myself and others, and hope that for those of us who do this, eventually the word fat will cease to be such a powerful tool of negativity for our culture.

With that being said, I have a very strong belief in my own 'fat identity' because I enjoy lots of things about being fat, and I am attracted to other fat people. I don't know how else to sustain these beliefs without having a central 'fat identity.' In fact, out of all the different identities I could claim, I think I claim fat before all others except maybe for my racial identity, but I don't have nearly as many pleasant associations with my racial identity as I do my bodily identity.
Such a thoughtful post, Butch. As someone who has been very thin, chubby and now fat, contained within my self-acceptance is seeing the beauty in my fat body. When I was thin, I felt asexual and I felt like I was sick when I could feel my hip bones pressing against my mattress while in bed. I had a boyfriend who supposedly adored me, a FA. After 1 year he said, I cannot be with you since I am only attracted to women who weigh over 300 lbs and was hoping that you would gain weight to be with me. It was the opposite of my husband who could not be with me unless I weighed 110 lbs. I have decided that I am fat enough and woman enough.
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Old 05-07-2009, 03:03 PM   #60
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I have been fat most of my life. I have worked hard over the years to accept my size and to become a person who acheived my goals. A number of my friends came out of the size acceptance movement. I am comfortable going to fat fruiendly events.

In the past few years, I have been having pain in my knees. I have thought maybe I should lose weight. But then I think if I did, I might not be as comfortable in my life anymore. I've seen people lose weight and become holier than thou and turn against their fat friends. I would hate to be one of those people. And I've seen people who lost weight not feel accepted at the bashes anymore (though I know some of that was just in their mind). And I am used to FAs, how they respond to me, how they like to touch me and such. I would have to get used to a whole different type of man.

I realized that being fat is a major part of my identity. And I do not think I want to lose that.
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Old 05-08-2009, 01:21 PM   #61
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I have thought maybe I should lose weight. But then I think if I did, I might not be as comfortable in my life anymore. I've seen people lose weight and become holier than thou and turn against their fat friends. I would hate to be one of those people.
This made me think of my one-time "pal" Jennifer who gained a lot of weight and cozied up to me for a while, but then had WLS, lost the weight and lost interest in me.

Well 3 out of 4 ain't bad, as I think of some of the fat people in my life in the past few years. The 2nd fattest woman at my company was hired about 5 years ago partly on my recommendation. She seemed very capable, but some of the other managers didn't want to hire her because of her weight until I "weighed in" on her professional merits. She has turned out to be a productive addition to our company.

My first cousin once removed (daughter of a cousin) is the 2nd fattest woman in our extended family after me. She told me that growing up around me made a lot of difference in her life because she saw that I turned out just fine even with a few hundred pounds of extra body fat bouncing around. Her confidence really showed when she was married a couple years ago, and she and her husband are very happy together.

Much more recently, my niece (daughter of my brother and his fat-phobic wife) isn't fat but one of her new university friends is a SSBBW, and so is her friend's mother. Their family wants to get to know Art & me a lot better, and we're making quite a good impression on each other.

Well, methinx life might be more convenient if I weren't so fat, but it could hardly be more interesting and enjoyable, so my fat can stay right where it is, thank you very much. Methinx also the best form of fat activism is simply to set a good example.
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Old 05-08-2009, 02:32 PM   #62
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This is a very interesting post. I personally don't identify as fat. I know other people would use fat as the first descriptive word they'd use to describe me. The thing is I have been different sizes, I've been average sized, fat, toned and athletic for a number of years in my mid 20's and now I'm fat again. To be honest I felt my physical best when I was more of the gym bunny however, even though I am fat now I still don't see that as my identity. I see my identity as so much more to me than just body size, fat thin, whatever it is not how I identify. I identify as a strong, opinionated, attractive, smart, compassionate and independent Scottish woman. I just happen to be fat.

I don't know why Scottish came to the forefront of my mind and therfore featured as my identity because I don't know what makes me feel particularly Scottish, I am not overly patriotic but I do identify as Scottish. There's a question? what makes you American, Canadian, English, Scottish etc? Is it a fondness for the place we grew up, patriotism, pride in your nationality? if so then why? Do you identify as American, Canadian, English etc more than fat or is fat identity stronger?
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Old 05-08-2009, 02:46 PM   #63
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I don't know why Scottish came to the forefront of my mind and therfore featured as my identity because I don't know what makes me feel particularly Scottish, I am not overly patriotic but I do identify as Scottish. There's a question? what makes you American, Canadian, English, Scottish etc? Is it a fondness for the place we grew up, patriotism, pride in your nationality? if so then why? Do you identify as American, Canadian, English etc more than fat or is fat identity stronger?
I don't particularly identify as American. I guess I'd say I'm "proud" to be an American in the sense that I'd rather be living here than a lot of other places but I wouldn't say it's central to my identity.
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Old 05-08-2009, 02:58 PM   #64
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i've never identified myself by my weight per say. i've always enjoyed it very much though. i like that it makes me the unexpected in a lot of situations. i feel the same about being african american too and i wouldn't change it for anything purposefully because i like being sort of unique in any aspect. i like that those things bring me experiences unique to that identity. i find blending in to be boring and sad. so being fat suits me very well. i just always say i'm felecia and thats it though.

i like exploring all sides of who i am. fat just happens to be one of those things. i never really thought about it much until i turned about 40 and sort of woke up to the fact that a lot of people feel really different being fat and they are uncomfortable with that. but i quess i never made a big deal of it in negative terms and neither have most people i know. just a few jerks here and there. but i seem to have always recognized that a negative person will be negative about anything they see that they think you might be sensitive about.

lately i have inadvertantly lost some weight because i've had to exercise more to recover from an operation. i think the meds also affected my appetite. i miss the weight. i miss how it feels and looks. but at this point in my life i have to put other things first since being fatter now would be a luxury i can't afford. one aspect i love the most about being fat is being healthily fat and to be able to walk with strength and pride. i never realized how important being able to walk that way, a bit cocky, was to me until i lost that ability. there is something really nice about being able to show your strength, health and confidence as a fat woman thats very enjoyable. it makes me realize that i have taken my fat identity for granted and that maybe i should enjoy it and pay attention to it more just in case it slips away somehow. i know i'll still like who i am and rely on other things about myself that i like. but, its good to appreciate something while you have it.

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Old 05-08-2009, 03:16 PM   #65
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i've never identified myself by my weight per say. i've always enjoyed it very much though. i like that it makes me the unexpected in a lot of situations. i feel the same about being african american too and i wouldn't change it for anything purposefully because i like being sort of unique in any aspect. i like that those things bring me experiences unique to that identity. i find blending in to be boring and sad. so being fat suits me very well. i just always say i'm felecia and thats it though.

i like exploring all sides of who i am. fat just happens to be one of those things. i never really thought about it much until i turned about 40 and sort of woke up to the fact that a lot of people feel really different being fat and they are uncomfortable with that. but i quess i never made a big deal of it in negative terms and neither have most people i know. just a few jerks here and there. but i seem to have always recognized that a negative person will be negative about anything they see that they think you might be sensitive about.

lately i have inadvertantly lost some weight because i've had to exercise more to recover from an operation. i think the meds also affected my appetite. i miss the weight. i miss how it feels and looks. but at this point in my life i have to put other things first since being fatter now would be a luxury i can't afford. one aspect i love the most about being fat is being healthily fat and to be able to walk with strength and pride. i never realized how important being able to walk that way, a bit cocky, was to me until i lost that ability. there is something really nice about being able to show your strength, health and confidence as a fat woman thats very enjoyable. it makes me realize that i have taken my fat identity for granted and that maybe i should enjoy it and pay attention to it more just in case it slips away somehow. i know i'll still like who i am and rely on other things about myself that i like. but, its good to appreciate something while you have it.
very interesting reply, wishing you continued good health x
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Old 05-30-2009, 07:16 PM   #66
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This made me think of my one-time "pal" Jennifer who gained a lot of weight and cozied up to me for a while, but then had WLS, lost the weight and lost interest in me.
Well, I heard some interesting news today. Jennifer and her husband are getting a divorce. I know he was none too pleased about her massive weight gain while they were married, and he was probably the prime instigator of her opting for WLS. They had other issues as well, because whenever we went out with them, they were always needling each other. Apparently now that she's slim and trim, she decided to lose even more weight: him.
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Old 05-31-2009, 03:17 PM   #67
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Well, I heard some interesting news today. Jennifer and her husband are getting a divorce. I know he was none too pleased about her massive weight gain while they were married, and he was probably the prime instigator of her opting for WLS. They had other issues as well, because whenever we went out with them, they were always needling each other. Apparently now that she's slim and trim, she decided to lose even more weight: him.
I don't mean anything by this Sue, but I don't understand why this is relevant to this thread? Is your pal Jennifer on dims? I'm not quite sure where you were going with this, did Jennifer identify as fat and then had the surgery to please her ex? Did she opt for weight loss surgery because she didn't want to lose him? I would have thought that she must have wanted to lose weight herself. Is this relating to the identity thread or has a particular post reminded you of your friend Jennifer?

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Old 08-02-2009, 08:42 PM   #68
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I was an thin/average child up until puberty, then I began to get chubby. While in high school, I thought I was H-U-G-E. I look back now and clearly recall being weighed for gym class and having the teacher loudly say "160" and recording it. I was mortified because in my mind, I was gigantic. At this point in my life, I'd KILL to weight 160. Currently I'm approximately 252, give or take a few pounds. Quite frankly, I'd settle for somewhere around 175 to 180. I know my limits and I know I'm over them. I get to a point where I am physically uncomfortable, and I'm past that point. It's up to me to do something about that, but that's another topic.

I personally don't care for being defined by, or liked for, the size that I am. I am a person, and much prefer to be judged for who I am and the life that I lead, rather than by my size. Until a few years ago, I hated being fat. Absolutely hated it. Then I met my first FA and knowing that there are men out there that actually LIKE women who are fat... wow... that blew my mind and changed how I felt about myself. I've met a number of men since then that are either declared or undelared FA's and it's been great. Knowing that I am desireable at the size I am, is wonderful... but.... IN MY OPINION, it has its draw backs.

I know of three FA's that I am good friends with and have had relationships with... and all have strongly pressured me to gain. I have explained NUMEROUS times that I have no desire and no interest in gaining... but the pressure continues. I am NOT currently involved physically with any of the three of them... I have a boyfriend who likes me just the way I am.... but I still get emails and texts from the other three... still pushing and pressuring to eat and gain. I honestly... hate it. I can't just be friends with these guys and talk about normal, everyday stuff... it has to be about food, gaining, how big I am, and how much they'd love it if I were bigger. I have deliberately pulled back on my friendships with them because of the pressure.

They are also WELL aware that I am dating someone and have no interest in getting involved with them again... but they don't seem to care too much about those facts either, as I get lots of pressure in that area too. It must be a guy thing. LOL

I guess the point of my post is that I am a smart, strong, independent, funny, attractive, responsible, caring, loving adult woman.... who... just happens to be overweight. Being fat is NOT who I am.... it does NOT define the person that I am, nor the life that I lead... in my opinion, it is a very minor part of my life. And I like it that way.

If others choose to see their size differently, that's their choice. More power to them.

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Old 08-04-2009, 09:45 AM   #69
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And that got me to thinking. How many of us fat people identify alot of who we are with the weight we carry around with us? I have always been fat and think that to be thin might make me feel weird. Does anyone else feel this way?
What thought provoking words. Well it is no secret I have been dieting. I have gone form 655 to 499, in two year. Like you I would never think of wls. I have been very jealous over friends that have had wls and lost their weight so much faster, and when you are ever so slowly loosing it sometimes gets frustrating. That being said, I am not loosing weight because I have this crippling desire to be skinny. I want to loose enough weight where, my health improves, I can have a baby safely, run daily errons by myself, and not feel exhausted walking short distances. I do identify with being fat. Who would I be if I was thin? I have always been the beautiful fat girl (so I am told) but if I was to get thin, I would then be, the needing a lot of surgeries just to look normal girl. I don't just identify with being fat, there is other things that make me.I also identify with being super feminine. I recently had a argument, telling someone that when they took my femininity form me I didn't feel like a beautiful women anymore. In todays world, because we are fat, I feel people looked at us/ me with certain ways "stereotyping me". For me, my extra femininity was a way to help block what others were typing me as, or at least that was my hope. Even though I have lost 156 pounds I still see and feel my heaviest. I have yet to understand that I am loosing weight. I identify with being fat, I am comfortable in saying I am fat. I always wonder if I will ever see myself at a lesser weight are will I always see my self at my heaviest. I am actually nervous and torn between loosing because ( and I suppose this would be another tread) but I don't want my FA to loose interest.
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Old 08-05-2009, 09:20 AM   #70
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We are defined by our bodies. That's just how it is. Apple, pear, and hourglass shapes and (for some) the actual number of their weight defines us. If you're going to do anything involved with changing your body and body image, do it in a healthy way like walking, swimming or something. I feel that young women and even some older women shouldn't look to surgery. I feel like people see that as a quick fix when in reality there is a waiting list and then there's all these different changes with the surgery.
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Old 08-05-2009, 10:47 AM   #71
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Being a person of size is definitely part of my identity; however, not one I want to be defined by. I hate the thought that I'm being dismissed (or fetishized) because I'm seen as a fat girl.

My size is an intersection of other parts of my identity: I'm a hedonist and a foodee, so I consume based on pleasure over health more than I "should." I'm a geek, and a lot of my geeky pursuits are sedentary in nature. Even my shape and frame, as much as I complain, are markers of the family I belong to. And that unwillingness to make myself constantly miserable in the name of conforming to mainstream beauty ideals is pure feminist contrariness.

I have pretty significant body image and self-esteem issues, but at the core of that hot mess is a kernel of wanting to embrace having a physical presence that is, on at least one level, transgressive. Even when I think about losing weight, I never want to be thin, or even average; just a bit more in shape and healthier. Shit, I don't even like to think of it as "dieting" or "losing weight," because my goal (as inconsistent as I am with sticking to it) is to cultivate healthier habits, and have a wider range of clothing options-- but when I'm really honest with myself, I do not want to give up being fat.
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Old 08-05-2009, 07:28 PM   #72
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Originally Posted by Violet_Beauregard View Post

I guess the point of my post is that I am a smart, strong, independent, funny, attractive, responsible, caring, loving adult woman.... who... just happens to be overweight. Being fat is NOT who I am.... it does NOT define the person that I am, nor the life that I lead... in my opinion, it is a very minor part of my life. And I like it that way.
I like this post
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Old 08-08-2009, 08:12 PM   #73
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My size does not define me any more than the facts that I am short, female, white and extremely nearsighted. Those things may shape others perceptions of me but if those perceptions are negative that's their problem. I don't think that I could be in a romantic relationship with someone who had told me that they wouldn't like me as well if I lost weight. People change, that is the one unchangeable thing in life so to insist that someone remain the same is unreasonable and certainly not the behavior of someone that loves you as a person. I definitely could not continue to be friends with someone that continued to push me to do something I had clearly stated I was no longer interested in regardless of whether it was losing weight, gaining weight, taking drugs or any other thing I've ever walked away from friendships over. I yam what I yam. Hopefully the inside will continue to grow. The outside is subject to change without notice.
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Old 04-10-2011, 06:18 PM   #74
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I don't let my fatness define me. But when people offer me the idea that being skinny will enhance my life for reasons A B and C, I often don't really want to consider being anything different. I figure, I've made it through these years being overweight, fat, tubby, whatever the hell the grade-school insults were thrown at me, and I think I've turned out okay. I've had experiences like love, loss, fear, hatred, excitement, etc... I don't really think I need to loose weight to experience life.

Plus, if I had been skinny, or I become skinny, who knows what will happen? I want to remain how I am now because it has gotten me where I am today - which is in a very good spot.. I'm off to a music camp, a music university, I've got good grades, great friends, and wonderful opportunity.
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Old 05-14-2011, 04:15 AM   #75
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You know, I would like to say "my fat doesn't define me", but I think it does in a certain way. I honestly feel if I had never started gaining weight once I hit puberty; I would have been: vapid, self absorbed, codependent, defining myself through the image other people saw and etc. You get the point. It may or may not be true, but I am very slightly vain (occasionally) at the moment...I cannot imagine what I would be like with so many men and women feeding my ego.

I think (don't crucify me) that being "invisible" or revolting to the majority of the populace has kept me in check to some degree. I'm not happy with my size, but I am also of the mindset that I wouldn't be if I were 125 pounds, either. I go back and forth on this issue. I'll say frankly that though I am body shy and still have a lot to go with accepting my body, my friends tend to think of me as a "Lovably arrogant bastard". Exact words, btw.

I realized recently that the main reason I was so recently desperate to lose weight was to gain power. I had a frank and pure bitterness for how men treated me due to size and I kind of wanted to be smaller to make them suffer for slighting me. I know this is all kind of gross, but it's the truth. This was my basic reasoning aside from wanting to wear fashionable things and be "comfortable"...whatever that means.

I'm now of the mindset that I must accept who I am and not live up to the moniker of "Tyrant" tattooed on the back of my neck. >.>

So, I think being fat let me have my interest in art. It let me have my love of sci-fi, let me love physics and cosmology, gave me literature,my shameless freedom from neediness, my willingness to speak up when I want or need to, my lack of codependency when everyone else I know (mostly thin)just HAS to have someone, my dedication to art and not being shallow. More than a pretty face, etc, etc.

Sorry if this made anyone go "Ew, Jesus...what a terrible person", but I'm just being honest. 3:
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