big guy confidence

njkid · 01-03-2006, 04:37 PM

I know this may seem all too redundant, but there are some things that I've been pondering:

1. It used to be taboo (some may say it still is) for a white man to date a black woman (or vice/versa). Does anyone notice this trend with thin and fat people? Is it just me, or are fat people only allowed to date other fat people? Is it so bad for a thin person to oggle over a fat person (again, vice/versa).

I noticed one member posted about hitting on a big guy at her local grocery store, and he got frightened away. I think differences are the glue of strong relationships, so why do so many people shun inter-body type relationships?

2. My bf tells me all the time that I'm no light-weight myself when I point out that his pants look a little puffy, or that his shirt won't tuck all the way under his belly. I generally don't lack confidence in the way I dress. I wear shorts in the summer, and sometimes I'll even wear one of those (really gay, I know) french connection t-shirts that shows off my not-so-manly-chest. But my bf will RARELY ever wear shorts. I've maybe seen him in a bathing suit twice, in his backyard. I might lose a limb if I ever tried to take him to the beach, and he would never think about taking off his shirt anyway. I tell him all the time how attractive I find him. I buy him nice clothes all the time, which sometimes boosts his confidence, but in the end, I feel like I do very little to make him feel good about his appearance.

My problem is that I think sometimes I wear down his confidence by telling him how much I like his *fat.* I don't think that's the kind of thing that alot of big guys want to hear "Your belly is so gorgeous!!" On the other end of the spectrum, he can only have so many old women at work tell him he has "such a handsome face."

Does anyone have any helpful tips on how to boost a big guy's confidence while trying to completely avoid one of the things you're most attracted to?

3. As I sit here typing this post, reading it aloud to myself, is there any way I can stop feeling like Carrie from Sex and the City (one of my few gay vices)? I might as well be laying on top of a big pink fluffy bed with a little laptop in Manhattan. (Fortunately, I don't have a shoe problem, nor do I have a big pink fluffy bed).

4. This is something I learned from my (straight) brother. My bro is one of those guys into leggy European women. When he goes out with his leggy European wife, sometimes he will point out women that he finds attractive, and get his wife's opinion. Has anyone ever done this with their bhm?

I do it sometimes. I realize that my situation is a little different from straight folks, but I love getting a reaction from my partner-in-crime when I point out a guy with a nice ass or a cute belly.

Other times, when we are out with friends, he will wait 'til we see a really large guy and save me the trouble of pointing him out. He sometimes tries to embarass me and tells our friends how much I probably want to get into said guy's large pants. I usually turn beet red, but I can't deny what I find attractive (side note: I'm completely monagamous, but both of us love to look).

time to sit back and wait.

TaciturnBadger · 01-03-2006, 05:34 PM

I've found, with regards to your last point, that it depends a lot on the specific person as to whether or not pointing out someone else that you (or they) might find hot is a good or bad thing. Since coming out of my shell and admitting, not only to myself, but to people in general (except my parents; that's an A-bomb I dont want to go off), I've relaxed almost 100% in that department. A partner will point someone out, and I won't think twice about it, but I've known folks who will start ALL sorts of drama in the same situation -- I've even dated one, briefly. Personally, I think it's great to have someone else know what turns you on, and vice versa, and being comfortable enough in the relationship as a whole to talk about it without fear of retribution. Because, we all know, for the vast majority of the population, all that will happen is a few glimpses of eye candy, and who gets who back at the end of them?

--B.

Alvinolagnia · 01-03-2006, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by njkid

I know this may seem all too redundant, but there are some things that I've been pondering:

1. It used to be taboo (some may say it still is) for a white man to date a black woman (or vice/versa). Does anyone notice this trend with thin and fat people? Is it just me, or are fat people only allowed to date other fat people? Is it so bad for a thin person to oggle over a fat person (again, vice/versa).

I noticed one member posted about hitting on a big guy at her local grocery store, and he got frightened away. I think differences are the glue of strong relationships, so why do so many people shun inter-body type relationships?

OK... I know how this feels, definitely! I'm a pretty average girl. I have gained some weight personally in the past year or 2 that I would like to lose, but I am by no means overweight. My b/f, however, is. Whenever he comes up in topic when I'm talking to my dad, my dad always has to make some crack at his size. He's like passive aggressive or something...

Like, we were discussing future plans for my b/f and I getting a house and my dad was like, "It'd better be a big house!" Now, obviously that plays on my b/f's height as well, but it's also sort of a euphemism for pointing out his weight. I think my dad thinks that "I could do better."

It's ridiculous!!!

I know from the bottom of my heart that he is the one for me! I love him! So why can't my dad just see that and give the size comments a rest?

njkid · 01-03-2006, 09:49 PM

my mother does something similar. rather than cracking jokes though, she just always has that "concerned" tone: "you really need to help him lose weight. he's going to get very sick. it's not healthy..."

and she'll go on for long periods of time essentially repeating herself, in slightly rephrased sentences. its annoying, but i guess at the same time she means well. my family tends to stay away from making fun. except for my mother. we make fun of her all the time.

maybe you should try that: find something that your dad is really insecure about. and go from there :-)

lol

Alvinolagnia · 01-03-2006, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by njkid

Other times, when we are out with friends, he will wait 'til we see a really large guy and save me the trouble of pointing him out. He sometimes tries to embarass me and tells our friends how much I probably want to get into said guy's large pants. I usually turn beet red, but I can't deny what I find attractive (side note: I'm completely monagamous, but both of us love to look).

time to sit back and wait.

OK, about the pointing out of eye candy... I don't really do this at all. But for some reason, whenever my b/f and I see a really big guy he will point him out and say something like, "I bet you'd like to see that guy with his shirt off," or something like that. He says it in a sarcastic tone, like he's trying to be funny. I guess it's just a behavior that comes from part of his own insecurity, but I don't like when he does it. It's like he's undermining my attraction toward him!

I think he is also in denial of his own size, because he has actually made cracks on other overweight people, as if he himself is so "buff!"

Anyway, it basically boils down to him be insecure.

(At least none of this has happened in a while...)

njkid · 01-03-2006, 10:07 PM

i find sort of the opposite effect. I guess after so long, my b/f knows I like him as he is, so when he points out a big guy, it's as if he's testing me to see how much it turns me on.

It usually does, which usually means he gets lucky afterwards. so in effect, sometimes it can be embarassing, but he must not mind it so much. I think it just reminds him of how attracted I am to him.

I do however find that when describing other fat people, he generally says things like "he's the size of two of me," when in reality the person is roughly the same size or sometimes even smaller. I think that's just for exaggeration purposes, but his accounts are often laughable (on purpose?)

01-03-2006, 04:37 PM	#1
njkid Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: central nj Posts: 23	big guy confidence I know this may seem all too redundant, but there are some things that I've been pondering: 1. It used to be taboo (some may say it still is) for a white man to date a black woman (or vice/versa). Does anyone notice this trend with thin and fat people? Is it just me, or are fat people only allowed to date other fat people? Is it so bad for a thin person to oggle over a fat person (again, vice/versa). I noticed one member posted about hitting on a big guy at her local grocery store, and he got frightened away. I think differences are the glue of strong relationships, so why do so many people shun inter-body type relationships? 2. My bf tells me all the time that I'm no light-weight myself when I point out that his pants look a little puffy, or that his shirt won't tuck all the way under his belly. I generally don't lack confidence in the way I dress. I wear shorts in the summer, and sometimes I'll even wear one of those (really gay, I know) french connection t-shirts that shows off my not-so-manly-chest. But my bf will RARELY ever wear shorts. I've maybe seen him in a bathing suit twice, in his backyard. I might lose a limb if I ever tried to take him to the beach, and he would never think about taking off his shirt anyway. I tell him all the time how attractive I find him. I buy him nice clothes all the time, which sometimes boosts his confidence, but in the end, I feel like I do very little to make him feel good about his appearance. My problem is that I think sometimes I wear down his confidence by telling him how much I like his fat. I don't think that's the kind of thing that alot of big guys want to hear "Your belly is so gorgeous!!" On the other end of the spectrum, he can only have so many old women at work tell him he has "such a handsome face." Does anyone have any helpful tips on how to boost a big guy's confidence while trying to completely avoid one of the things you're most attracted to? 3. As I sit here typing this post, reading it aloud to myself, is there any way I can stop feeling like Carrie from Sex and the City (one of my few gay vices)? I might as well be laying on top of a big pink fluffy bed with a little laptop in Manhattan. (Fortunately, I don't have a shoe problem, nor do I have a big pink fluffy bed). 4. This is something I learned from my (straight) brother. My bro is one of those guys into leggy European women. When he goes out with his leggy European wife, sometimes he will point out women that he finds attractive, and get his wife's opinion. Has anyone ever done this with their bhm? I do it sometimes. I realize that my situation is a little different from straight folks, but I love getting a reaction from my partner-in-crime when I point out a guy with a nice ass or a cute belly. Other times, when we are out with friends, he will wait 'til we see a really large guy and save me the trouble of pointing him out. He sometimes tries to embarass me and tells our friends how much I probably want to get into said guy's large pants. I usually turn beet red, but I can't deny what I find attractive (side note: I'm completely monagamous, but both of us love to look). time to sit back and wait.

01-03-2006, 05:34 PM	#2
TaciturnBadger Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Virginia Beach, VA Posts: 142	A Random (and slightly rambling) Reply I've found, with regards to your last point, that it depends a lot on the specific person as to whether or not pointing out someone else that you (or they) might find hot is a good or bad thing. Since coming out of my shell and admitting, not only to myself, but to people in general (except my parents; that's an A-bomb I dont want to go off), I've relaxed almost 100% in that department. A partner will point someone out, and I won't think twice about it, but I've known folks who will start ALL sorts of drama in the same situation -- I've even dated one, briefly. Personally, I think it's great to have someone else know what turns you on, and vice versa, and being comfortable enough in the relationship as a whole to talk about it without fear of retribution. Because, we all know, for the vast majority of the population, all that will happen is a few glimpses of eye candy, and who gets who back at the end of them? --B. __________________ [Please Insert Witty Signature Here. Thank You In Advance For Your Cooperation.]

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01-03-2006, 09:49 PM	#4
njkid Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: central nj Posts: 23	my mother does something similar. rather than cracking jokes though, she just always has that "concerned" tone: "you really need to help him lose weight. he's going to get very sick. it's not healthy..." and she'll go on for long periods of time essentially repeating herself, in slightly rephrased sentences. its annoying, but i guess at the same time she means well. my family tends to stay away from making fun. except for my mother. we make fun of her all the time. maybe you should try that: find something that your dad is really insecure about. and go from there :-) lol

01-03-2006, 10:07 PM	#6
njkid Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: central nj Posts: 23	i find sort of the opposite effect. I guess after so long, my b/f knows I like him as he is, so when he points out a big guy, it's as if he's testing me to see how much it turns me on. It usually does, which usually means he gets lucky afterwards. so in effect, sometimes it can be embarassing, but he must not mind it so much. I think it just reminds him of how attracted I am to him. I do however find that when describing other fat people, he generally says things like "he's the size of two of me," when in reality the person is roughly the same size or sometimes even smaller. I think that's just for exaggeration purposes, but his accounts are often laughable (on purpose?)