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Old 06-20-2007, 09:01 AM   #1
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Default Who Was The Biggest Impact on Your Road To Self Acceptance?

I thought it would be an interesting question..and positive message as well to see who made the biggest impact on everyone during their road to self acceptance?

I have to say mine would be the east coast girls. I had already been involved in the community for a while but I drove here to Atlanta to attend a bash and met Heather and some of the other now bigcuties. I'm not sure if i'll remember who all was with us but there were a buttload (quite literally lol) of fat girls ...Heather, AnnMarie, Deidre, Cat, Jerry Carmichael and myself (i hope i'm not forgetting anyone)...along with the men who were with us. We all went to a ChickFilet and when we walked in ALL eyes turned on us hehe.It was like everyone just stopped what they were doing to look at the herd of fat girls lol. Normally i would've been intimidated but to see the way these girls reacted to it was priceless. They took control and in no way were intimidated by these people and it was awesome.

I have to say that Heather has probably been the biggest influence of all in my life though. I had never seen anyone make no excuses for being fat and EXPECT people to accept it. Living that example made a huge impact on how i viewed things and myself and i'm definitely greatful

Now...come out with it folks...what's y'alls story
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Old 06-20-2007, 09:04 AM   #2
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I want to give credit to two people.... Myself and a counselor
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Old 06-20-2007, 09:13 AM   #3
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I think that ANNīMARIE, BRIE and CAT started my FA-vocation...
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Old 06-20-2007, 09:23 AM   #4
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I can't really credit any one person. I spent some time lurking on Dims before i joined up, and everything I've read has had a gradual effect on my outlook. Or possibly there was some osmosis through my computer screen.
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Old 06-20-2007, 11:14 AM   #5
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I give credit to the beautiful women in my life who are of larger than average sizes. Women like one of my best friends and of course my lovely girlfriend who has inspired me to shout from the roof tops of our love and say screw to the world I love my fat woman!
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Old 06-20-2007, 11:17 AM   #6
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aawww that was really sweet

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I give credit to the beautiful women in my life who are of larger than average sizes. Women like one of my best friends and of course my lovely girlfriend who has inspired me to shout from the roof tops of our love and say screw to the world I love my fat woman!
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Old 06-20-2007, 11:34 AM   #7
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aawww that was really sweet
i only speak truths
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Old 06-20-2007, 11:35 AM   #8
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The first BBW site I ever saw was the old catay house of fun... I tell you, my eyes nearly exploded when I saw her fat oozing round a pillow LOL

She was the first. The other would have to be... sorry I have to say it... kelligrl. I remember finding her site via the catay page, and spending some weeks thinking she's an attractive BBW, but wouldn't it be hot if she'd actually chosen to gain her way to that size. I think my eyes actually DID explode when I came across the before/after page lol.
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Old 06-20-2007, 11:42 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by largenlovely View Post
I thought it would be an interesting question..and positive message as well to see who made the biggest impact on everyone during their road to self acceptance?
That would be my parents. They taught me to love and value myself, and that who I was as a person, my worthiness as a person wasn't dependant upon how I looked on the outside. It was about who I am on the inside and how I carry myself as a person.

During my teenage years my dad and I really clashed, bitch was his favorite word to use towards me, but he NEVER put me down physically. Never said anything to make me feel physcially ugly. My mom is a big woman, I grew up watching my dad dote on her and take care of her. The occasional kiss and slap on the ass wasn't uncommon in my house either. Nor were the fat girl playboys that we'd find in the bathroom LOL. I guess if I grew up in a house where the dad berated the mom for being too fat or if I was forced to diet as a kid my story would be different though.

I try to educate people about size acceptance whenever I see an opportunity present itself. For example, just the other day at work we had oversold flights all day which meant there would be no seats left empty. I had an older lady come up to me and ask me to change her seat. While I was explaining to her that there wasn't any other seat to move her to she interruped to tell me that she was sitting next to some man who just had to be 300 pounds (she said this with disgust in her voice. ya had to be there). I'm standing there thinking to myself, this lady must be nuts. She's complaining and making it sound like its the most disgusting thing in the world, about sitting next to some man that has to be 300 pounds, to a 300 pound woman! She keeps going and going and going when finally I just told her again that there were no other seats available and that if she wanted I would be more than happy to rebook her for a flight the following day. She didn't like that and said no I just want you to seat me next to someone normal! At that point I was pretty pissed off and in a raised voice I told her that I'm sure he's quite normal and that I felt sorry for him, for having to sit next to her. At this point one of my coworkers overheard and took over because my mouth often gets me into trouble.

So I didn't do much educating with her but it opened a whole dialoge about size acceptance in the break room that day!
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Old 06-20-2007, 11:50 AM   #10
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that's awesome In my initial post i was talking about people within the community but you're right..my dad did a wonderful job as well. My mother and grandmother were constantly preaching weight loss but my dad would always do the eyeroll thing and told me, "if people have a problem with your weight then it is THEIR problem not yours" ..i'll never forget that

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That would be my parents. They taught me to love and value myself, and that who I was as a person, my worthiness as a person wasn't dependant upon how I looked on the outside. It was about who I am on the inside and how I carry myself as a person.
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Old 06-20-2007, 11:51 AM   #11
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Default NAAFA, Dimensions & Big Difference...

I would say that NAAFA (FA SIG), Dimensions Magazine, the Big Difference dances (L.A. area) and my own self acceptance are what helped me realize that admiring fat people and being fat are perfectly acceptable and normal things.

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Old 06-20-2007, 12:08 PM   #12
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My parents and myself. They have never pressure me to be something I wasn't and I'm thankful for that. I was always told that I was beautiful, smart, worthy of unconditional love...I never felt like I was less than, and maybe that's why I think of myself in high regards --they set the standard. I watched my Mother, who is also fat, carry herself with such class and dignity and I watched my Father absolutely smitten with her. Loves her no matter what and I guess that sort of subliminal message of "this is how a person who really loves you" sunk deep into my core.

So now, I carry that on. I am constantly working on myself...I don't believe the work is ever done, that I am ever growing, changing and maturing, for the better.

I can say with certainty that every day, I fall a little more in love with myself and that's a great feeling. I'm getting to know this woman called Ash and I dig her, very much so.
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Old 06-20-2007, 12:59 PM   #13
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Default Back in the 80's for me it was.....

Susan Mason, she was an amazingly, talented woman. She opened my eyes to the "fat community" and I opened her eyes to self acceptance.

I'm one of the lucky ones... I always knew there were men who liked fat woman, I just didn't know there was a community that shared what I was taught growing up. I AM equal in every way to my skinny sister! Thanks Mom and Dad.

A little later on it was NAAFA, FEast, Bill, Nancy, Conrad, Ruby and the whole Long Island and Brooklyn chapters of NAAFA. And then came Dimensions!!!! YAY!

Oh yeah and my first real FA boyfriend.. WOW! You know who you are.

HugKiss
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Old 06-20-2007, 03:11 PM   #14
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I went through the journey of self-acceptance (and love) before finding the community online. That just reinforced it and made me feel welcome.
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Old 06-20-2007, 06:46 PM   #15
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Just like Ashmamma84, I thank my parents (especially my dad) and myself for being able to be honest with myself about what I wanted in a relationship & never compromising. Years ago, I received a lot of heat from my "friends" about my preference, but all the BS was worth it to end up with a beautiful girl like Carla.....I'd do it again in a heartbeat if it brought me to her.

Also (and she didn't know this until now) Hug Kiss (Kathie) who was the first BBW I ever saw online, and the fact she was such a hottie & lived in the same state as I did blew me away. Her beauty just reinforced how I felt about fat girls. I used to go to her personal page (can't even remember where it was now) all the time (no.....not to do what you think, you dirty little pervs) & show my buddies, always telling them how hot I thought she was. Kathie, I will always be grateful to you!
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Old 06-20-2007, 07:19 PM   #16
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Default Wrestlingguy did it...

Phil has helped me with my self-acceptance journey. For as long back as I can remember (and until this day) my mom would tell me "you have a pretty face, you would be beautiful if you just lost weight". When I met Phil 6 years ago I was 100 pounds smaller, after having our son 4 1/2 ago I gained back every pound I had lost after my November 1999 WLS. The Carla from 6 years ago would have hated myself for putting the weight back on but thanks to Phil's love and support I am fine with my weight gain. I've learned to really enjoy every pound that graces my 5ft3 frame.

Thank you honey for all of your love and support!
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Old 06-20-2007, 10:27 PM   #17
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i repped ya for sweetness points and i'm gonna say it again ...aawww that was sweet lol

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Phil has helped me with my self-acceptance journey. For as long back as I can remember (and until this day) my mom would tell me "you have a pretty face, you would be beautiful if you just lost weight". When I met Phil 6 years ago I was 100 pounds smaller, after having our son 4 1/2 ago I gained back every pound I had lost after my November 1999 WLS. The Carla from 6 years ago would have hated myself for putting the weight back on but thanks to Phil's love and support I am fine with my weight gain. I've learned to really enjoy every pound that graces my 5ft3 frame.

Thank you honey for all of your love and support!
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Old 06-21-2007, 03:58 AM   #18
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Me. I don't tend to be a braggart, so this isn't bragging, it's just the truth.

After a lifetime of hating my body (a body which was sexy, though I couldn't see it at the time), and a lifetime of others giving me grief for being fat, at around 33 years of age I decided I was going to change the way I looked at myself. I set about to do it and I did. It wasn't without help, though. My ex, Conrad and Dimensions print mag, NAAFA, and then the people on this site all helped. Until I was ready to hear something other than the droning negative messages I gave myself on a daily basis, though, nothing sunk in. It all had to start with me.

Great thread, Melissa.
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Old 06-21-2007, 05:19 AM   #19
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I've always been on the big side.So I'd have to say my biggest influence on self-exceptance would have to be my Mom.She always taught me the only person who can make me be what I want to be is me.She said no matter what other people think YOU are the 1 who has to live with you the most so be happy with yourself.Other than Mom,I'd have to say Dims in general.I've met a lot of wonderful people on the boards & in chat who've helped me in my times of need & I hope that I've done the same.
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Old 06-21-2007, 05:34 AM   #20
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I gained a lot of weight due to clinical depression following a bereavement. I went from a happy active size 22/24 to a size 36 plus and a combination of grief and depression left my self esteem at rock bottom.

After a long time away I returned to the huge corporate offices where I worked and I was really struggling, both to be single and to be so large. One day I walked out into the huge car-park and found a bouquet of flowers and a card left on my car. It was from an FA (not that I understood the term at the time) who told me I was beautiful and asked if he could take me out. I assumed it was a joke and threw it into the back seat of my car in a huff.

It took me days to reply to the email address and I was very guarded in my response but we chatted a little online and then I agree to meet him in the coffee shop in my place of work. We went out that night and had a great time - and we dated in a cloud of blissful happiness for quite a while.

Eight and half years have gone by since then and I'm still grateful to him for SO much. He turned my life around and was one of the most profoundly positive influences I've ever been lucky enough to know. He showed me I was beautiful, worthy of respect and love and also (which shocked me at the time) lust! We're not in contact any more but I wish so much I could let him know how much difference that he made to my life. I still remember and treasure the time we shared and I honestly dont think I would still be here if he hadn't come into my life and helped me through.

Babe, if you're out there and happen to be reading this I'd love to say a proper 'Thank You' from the bottom of my heart

Tracey xx
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Old 06-21-2007, 06:05 AM   #21
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I would have to say Conrad and Ruby. When I was a freshman in college twenty-some years ago, I ordered the FA-SIG newsletter, and got a really nice letter from Ruby that helped answer some questions. It was a huge help.
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Old 06-21-2007, 06:12 AM   #22
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I definitely have to give credit to my first FA and to me. I cannot thank him enough for opening up the doors to showing me size-acceptance.
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Old 06-21-2007, 06:37 AM   #23
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I have to say it was me. I lived like a shame faced outcast for so long putting up with negative commentary from my parents and bowing to everybody like my presence on the planet was a complete inconvenience to everyone. Finally I got fed up, pushed myself away from the table and said, "Enough." Baby steps at first but I was determined.

I must say though that the journey was a whole lot easier to make with folks like NAAFA, Brie Brown, Heather, BBW Magazine, Dimensions print mag - they made the transition infinitely easier than it would have been if I had to do it alone.
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"...If the only pain you recognize as valid is your own, of course you'll have trouble identifying it when you see it in other people. That's the trouble with narcissism. It makes you really inadequate and boring."

Have you hugged a fat girl today?

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Old 06-21-2007, 06:49 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post

Also (and she didn't know this until now) Hug Kiss (Kathie) who was the first BBW I ever saw online, and the fact she was such a hottie & lived in the same state as I did blew me away. Her beauty just reinforced how I felt about fat girls. I used to go to her personal page (can't even remember where it was now) all the time (no.....not to do what you think, you dirty little pervs) & show my buddies, always telling them how hot I thought she was. Kathie, I will always be grateful to you!
*Blush*

You little devil, I had NO idea, Phil. You have rendered me speechless!

HugKiss
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Old 06-21-2007, 06:57 AM   #25
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I have to say it was me. I lived like a shame faced outcast for so long putting up with negative commentary from my parents and bowing to everybody like my presence on the planet was a complete inconvenience to everyone. Finally I got fed up, pushed myself away from the table and said, "Enough." Baby steps at first but I was determined.
Agreed. Even though they'd probably cringe to hear me say so, some of the biggest influences on my road to self-acceptance were the very people who gave me the hardest time about my size -- until it backfired. Talk about life giving me lemons -- and I made lemon meringue pie!

In junior high school I hated beeing the big tall fat girl and I just moped around trying to hide, which was impossible at my size. The other kids call me cute names like Suzy Bigfoot or Whale Belly or The Girl Who Ate Toledo. Then in high school they picked on me one time too many and I snapped. I made a quick comeback to one of their taunts, and other kids laughed! Sayyyy, they're laughing WITH me, not AT me! This has potential. Well, I became the stereotypical big tall fat girl who made people laugh and soon I accumulated lotsa friends because they said it was fun to be around me. My new friendly wise ass persona began purely as a defense mechanism, but it worked amazingly well. Inside I was nervous as hell, but outwardly I pretended to be confident. After a year or so, my confidence was no longer an act and it became genuine because I saw how well it worked.

My mother also helped me gain self-confidence -- in reverse. Mom was the Queen of Mixed Messages like "clean your plate but lose the weight" and direct messages like "you're way too fat to find a boyfriend so you'd better get good grades." Well, the more she harped about my size, the more I regarded my fat as a symbol of my independence in my rebellious youth. Damned if I ate and damned if I didn't, soooo -- I ate it all, and probably gained even more weight "just to show her." On the other hand, my father has always been very supportive, provided I'm happy and healthy and stay out of jail. 'Twas he who wised me up about my mother's ways when I was in high school. "Don't worry about your mother. She loves you, but she's not happy unless she can fuss over something. Ever notice that when we go out to dinner as a family, I make sure my collar is turned over and my tie is a little crooked? That's so she can fix it, and then she's happy for the rest of the evening." Aha, so that's it! If I weren't so fat, Mom would just find something else about me to criticize. I'm a head taller than my mother, and half a head taller than both my father and my brother, so I can only assume the reason I'm so big is my parents must have fed me Sputnik rocket fuel after I was born in 1957. When Art & I got married 25 yeas ago, it was funny to watch my mother, because her joy about her daughter's wedding conflicted with the fact that she was just plain wrong about my being too fat to find a great husband.

Anyway I began to walk tall with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step, and the whole confidence thing just snowballed. In high school I also remember seeing one of those empowerment posters that said "If you act enthusiastic, you'll BE enthusiastic." The same goes for confidence. Looks like I kinda WILLED myself to be confident, by golly.
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