oy, it's letters to people and things!

[supersoup]

this is an idea that was on a board i was on ages ago, and i loved it, so i've brought it here...anyhow. need to get something off your chest, yet can't do it directly just yet? have at it here.



dear people from the past,

i don't know why, but i've been very nostalgic today, and since i can't contact any of you directly, this is going to work for me. i am not too ______ for any of you. this applies to you, the 'friend' that told me i was too laid back to hang out with anymore. this is for you, the boy that said i was too kind to date. for the professor that said i was too introverted to pass his class. to the girls that thought i was too fat to hang out with in school. this is also for you jerkface, the boy that said i was too hard to love forever. for the girls that have said i'm too fat to hang out with in public, the guys that have said i'm not fat enough to date, too fat to date, and too fat to bring home to friends and family...good riddance. i can't believe i was ever sad when you left from my life. i am what i am, amazing, kind, loving, intelligent, loyal, silly, feisty, nurturing, and dorky. take me for what i am. if something about me is too ______ for you right off the bat, kindly exit then, as i don't have the capacity to waste any of myself on you. my size, my appearance, and my never fading laughter may be too much for the average person to handle, but rest assured that there are people that are thanking their lucky stars every day that i'm in their lives. and for all the turds i've wasted time dating, i'm not too fat to bring home to friends and family, you are just too jaded in thinking that i care about what others think, when i only ever cared what you thought. i'm fat, i know it, i own it, i rock the hell out of it, but i'm far more than just that.

thank you for your exit,
amanda

[Sandie_Zitkus]

Dear best girlfriend,

You know how much I love you. You are my family. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to say to you. But please stop, I can't help you anymore. I'm completely depleted of compassion and energy for you. It breaks my heart to say that, but I have to. I don't want anymore "I want to die" e-mails or phone calls. Yeah life is tough but you always find a way to make things so much harder than they really are. I can't take anymore. You have to sink or swim on your own this time. I'm sorry. But I still love you.

Me.

[elle camino]

dear black beans and rice ~

thanks for being so delicious and filling and easy to make and cheap.
you are like a chanel dress on a thrift store rack for 50 cents and i love you.

- Abs

[Midori]

D. i was wrong to lie to You. It was unforgiveable. i know it. i am ashamed of who i've been because of that lie. i miss You. i can't sleep any more without hearing Your voice ... and i can't replay the messages on my cell anymore because then i can't make it through the day. i never cheated ... though i suppose it doesn't matter now. i was always YOURS ... even in my untruth. i was always thinking of You ... always loving You ... always trying to be better for You. i failed You and in failing You ... i threw away everything that was US. i will never belong to another like i belonged to You. i never want to. i can't listen to music anymore ... it was all -ours-. i can't write anymore ... that was all YOURS ... it belonged to You ... i belonged to You. Now i am lost. i don't think i'll ever feel safe again. i had everything in the world ... and i threw it away ... and i'll never know what would have happened if i had been honest. You were the best thing in my life for two years. You were my reason ... my Everything ... i am empty now. And everyday ... i pay. i just want You to know ... i pay.

♪Your cha gee ah

[Blackjack]

Dear family,

Please understand. I have about an hour before I have to leave, and I'll be on a plane for the entire rest of the day. And then I'll be with family for almost a week, and I'll have very little time to myself.

Therefore, it's absolutely vital that I not go into this with an orgasm waiting to be had.

LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND LET ME HAVE MY GODDAMN WANK TIME.

-Kevin





Dear subconscious,

What the fuck was with that dream last night?

I was getting intimate with a girl- random, nameless, some menagerie of fantasies or something- and as we're there in bed naked, a figure appears in the doorway.

IT'S SEAN FUCKING CONNERY. The young one, from the Bond movies. Buck naked.

"Nice shag," he says. "Carpet, that is."

I woke up laughing hysterically.

What I want is not an explanation, but rather for Sean Connery to not show up randomly when I'm having sex.

Sincerely,
A very bewildered Kevin

[Lastminute.Tom]

Dear Tom aged 13, if you learn to accept yourself and your prefferences now then you'll be set for life, don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you different, they may think they are trying to protect you but it only makes you internalise your feelings, oh and when you do the first sketches for your fantasy novel that you start writing next year, whatever you do don't leave them in the tent because they will all turn to mush because it leaks.
Tom

[ScreamingChicken]

Dear brother,

You are dead to me.

This past year I have been forced to watch you devolve in to the selfish bastard that you are today. I didn't ruin your marriage, I just told your now ex wife a week before the papers they were signed that your live in GF is pregnant. If you had been honest to me when I asked if she was pregnant, I may have kept my mouth shut. But you lied straight to my face.

You have done an absolutely shitty job supporting your kids. When I called you a worthless father, I hope those words hurt you. It may prove that you are a human despite your behavior this past year.

You have been a total jackass to everyone within striking distance. But the kicker is what you did to ********. She tries to take her life and you take advantage of the situation because you can't keep your dick in your pants.

I am tired of you and your sideshow.

Rick

[Wild Zero]

Dear Mr. Toilet,

I'm the shit.

With love,
Dwayne Michael Carter Jr. XOXOXOXOXOXO

[Aurora1]

Dear ex-husband,

I forgive you for being such an asshole. I will always love you as a person but we are NEVER getting back together. I sincerely hope that you are able to move on with your life and find someone else to make miserable. I never thought I would say this but I actually feel sorry for that girl you are dating right now.
I hope that when I tell you how happy I am right now that you are not thinking of ways to sabatoge it for me. I don't want to be bitter and I don't want you to either. We have done one really great thing together and I think we can be proud of that.
I forgive myself for putting up with you for far too long. I promise myself that I will never allow myself to be treated so badly ever again. I want and deserve more for myself than you ever really had to offer me. I hope we can and should remain friends for life. IF I ever decide to get married again...I will invite you to my next wedding and I hope you will come! LOL

[supersoup]

to the turdtastic vending machine man at work,

how about when you fill the machine up, you look at the expiration date BEFORE you put it in the machine?! i wanted those crackers so bad, bit into them, and they nearly bit me back they were so stale. you were just there to fill it 10 minutes earlier!!

thanks for making me waste 40 cents,
amanda

-------------------------------------------------

oh hey sinuses,

leave me alone, i don't want or need a summer cold.


stuffy and mad soup

[pinuptami]

Dear woman I hope I never meet in person,

You are not good enough for him. You're trashy. You have no self esteem and it brings him down. I keep my mouth shut because he is my friend and he cares for you, but I look forward to the day that he comes to the same decision that I have.

Not a fan


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dear husband to be,

Thank you for not being jealous of said friendship. Thank you for being great to me. Thank you for being the person I can not wait to get home after work. And thank you for letting me eat your toast this morning at the restaurant .

Love you

[elle camino]

dear phone ~

where'd you go? under the couch? it's under the couch, isn't it.
you asshole.

-A

[Famouslastwords]

Originally Posted by elle camino

dear phone ~

where'd you go? under the couch? it's under the couch, isn't it.
you asshole.

-A

LOL! That's hilarious Elle

[PamelaLois]

Dear Mom,
I have tried very hard to move on from all the negativity. It has taken me years to realize that I am not a horrible person because I am fat. I am smart, funny, creative, hard working and loyal, and none of that is negated by my size. For years, you have been telling me I am not "good enough" because I am not thin. You may not have said it out loud, but that was always the underlying message, no matter what I did. It was always "Good job graduating from college, but you don't really want those mashed potatoes, do you?" "How about that, you got your black belt, but unless you lose those extra pounds, you will have trouble getting a date." My relationship with my only sister has been difficult because I always knew you approved of her more than me, because she was the "perfect child", the cheerleader, athlete, girly girl, pretty one, but mostly because she was thin. Everything about her was perfect, and you let me know it every day. We fought constantly because I resented the fact that you disapproved of me and favored her. I refuse to be put down and belittled anymore. I am a big woman, and I always will be, and I am fabulous!

[Wild Zero]

Dear god,
Hope you got the letter,
And I pray you can make it better down here.
I dont mean a big reduction in the price of beer,
But all the people that you made in your image,
See them starving on their feet,
cause they dont get enough to eat

From god,
I cant believe in you.

Dear god,
Sorry to disturb you,
But I feel that I should be heard loud and clear.
We all need a big reduction in amount of tears,
And all the people that you made in your image,
See them fighting in the street,
cause they cant make opinions meet,
About god,
I cant believe in you.

Did you make disease, and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind after we made you?
And the devil too!

Dear god,
Dont know if you noticed,
But your name is on a lot of quotes in this book.
Us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look,
And all the people that you made in your image,
Still believing that junk is true.
Well I know it aint and so do you,
Dear god,
I cant believe in,
I dont believe in,

I wont believe in heaven and hell.
No saints, no sinners,
No devil as well.
No pearly gates, no thorny crown.
Youre always letting us humans down.
The wars you bring, the babes you drown.
Those lost at sea and never found,
And its the same the whole world round.
The hurt I see helps to compound,
That the father, son and holy ghost,
Is just somebodys unholy hoax,
And if youre up there youll perceive,
That my hearts here upon my sleeve.
If theres one thing I dont believe in...

Its you,
Dear god.


P.S. Don't tell Nigel we're making plans for him.

[Scrumptious_voluptuous]

Dear Stuart,

I found out you died today.

Although it was back in January, the decades and distance have obviously seperated us, therefore I don't feel too bad about it - sorry about that!

You were fun, I remember that. You introduced me to many baaaad things a good 14 year old shouldnt find out for a good few years! I coughed my guts out because of that bucket, and my dad fucked me over when you pissed out of my window, right onto Bournemouth Square. Even though the police came, that still remains one of my most awesomeness stories, and although I may have said the opposite at the time, I'd never take it back

Im sure the people who knew you better would have said some great things about you, but the filthy, debaucherous ones my 14 year old self has of you will never leave me - no matter how much I try!

Take care. Don't ride any more motorcycles.

Miranda
xx

PS - I still have a picture of you flashing your willy at me behind a beach hut It was one of the first I ever saw!

[Scrumptious_voluptuous]

Dear Mulder,

You're a fat bastard. No wonder the clothes horse fell apart when you were climbing on it. You're not a kitten anymore!

And stop eating crap off the carpet.

Lots of love

She Who Opens Cans Of Food.
ps - where's your blue ball? Dont snigger.

[Zoom]

Originally Posted by supersoup

dear people from the past,

HEY! Where's my lottery numbers?

[Wagimawr]

Dear Elvis,

Are you dead?

if not, FUCK YOU.

Know how they say, "Elvis is the man?" Well, they do, cause you are. And if you're in some damned trailer or off on some desert island hanging out with Tupac, Jim Morrison and some other famous musician dude that nobody believes is actually dead when it seems like they are, hasn't that really been a waste of the last 30 years?

Cash died at 71, Jerry Lee's still doing it, but he just put out a frigging DUETS album (seriously, after the first two tracks it all goes downhill >_>), Chuck Berry's still at it, and two of the Beatles are dead; this is COMEBACK TIME (again), dude!

What's the deal?

Sincerely,

Me

[Green Eyed Fairy]

Dear Elvis.....


It was a true shame when that hunk of man meat named Jim Morrison died... funny how I have never missed you. But thanks for the entertainment you inspired for me all these years.

[kr7]

Dear God,

I really need your help. I try not to bother you with little stuff, but this time I am really stuck. I've been working hard the past several years to get to this point. I did the best I could, but now it seems that I can't go any further on my own. Please help.

[cute_obese_girl]

Dear co-workers,

What ever happened to taking pride in a job well done? Quit whining that you don't get paid enough and you're at a dead end when you do the absolute bare minimum in your job. Do you think you deserve a raise for your ability to call in sick and waste time?

There are millions of people that would kill to live in America and be in the position that you have. When you pick grapes in the fields or wash someone else's dirty laundry then I'll be happy listen to you complain.

Thanks,
Shannon

[CAMellie]

Dear Kerry,

Thank you so much for being the husband I had always dreamed of. I miss you everyday...and I will continue to miss you everyday. Take care of the babies until I see you again.

Love you,
Melanie

[Wayne_Zitkus]

Dear Person In Front of Me in the Express Line With a Month's Worth of Groceries In Her Cart:

Please learn how to recognize what 15 items looks like. And that when you have more than that in your cart, you do NOT belong in the Express Line. And while the cashiers have been told by their manager to simply serve you without saying anything, those of us behind you think you're one fucking inconsiderate bastard.

And stop pretending that you didn't see the "15 Items or Less" sign if I or another of your fellow shoppers confront you. We all know you're lying.

Yours truly,
Wayne Zitkus

[Wayne_Zitkus]

Dear Able-Bodoed Person Who Parked Their Car in the Only Available Handicapped Space:

I hope you never have to NEED that space and can't use it because some inconsiderate bastard like you thought they were more important than everyone else in the world.

And your excuse that "I was only going in the store for a minute" doesn't mean shit. If you don't have one of these hanging from your mirror, you're not supposed to park in a handicapped space EVER!!!!!!




Not even for a minute.

Yours truly,
Wayne Zitkus